The Carrying Their Show Award
The funniest lady on tv (arguably) is Kristen Wiig and she’s doing her best to keep Saturday Night Live from sucking (though I have to admit, the past two shows were definitely the best of the season). After the election, after Tina Fey wasn’t Sarah Palin anymore, after SNL wasn’t the most relevant program on tv anymore we were left with a so-so cast led by the amazing Kristen Wiig. She steals every sketch she’s in and keeps the show watchable week in and week out. Can we bump her up to “can do no wrong” status yet?
The Best Place To Get Your News
One word: Maddow. I think we’ve all been pleasantly surprised at how awesome The Rachel Maddow Show continues to be, both despite and because of the fact that Bush isn’t in office anymore. If anyone thought she wouldn’t be able to keep the momentum going post-election, they need look no further than this:
Our Favorite Talk Show Award
This one is really hard… I think it might be a tie? I love Ellen as much as the next lesbian or housewife, but I also really love Chelsea Lately, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t include that here. So, it’s a tie. These two shows are basically polar opposites but they’re both consistently hilarious and fun, so much so that I continue to DVR both daily.
The Baddest Bitch on TV Award
Tabatha Coffey of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover is the baddest bitch on tv, and I mean that in the nicest and most loving way possible. I’m so glad Bravo brought her back for a second season, I can’t get enough of it.
Our Favorite Week Award
The Award to the Shows That Keep the Music Alive
This award goes to the two networks/programs that are actually deigning to play music videos and band interviews at a time where most networks reserve these types of things for their online catalogs. If you want to see new music videos and band interviews on a television, you have both Fuse and Logo to thank for that. Fuse has lots of music programming, as well as these super-cool Takeovers, wherein an artist “takes over” the programming on the network for an entire day. Then you have Logo, which is probably the only MTV network that actually plays videos anymore, which is startling. Their weekly programs NewNowNext Music and NewNowNext PopLab feature artist interviews and the newest music videos, and The Click List: Top Ten Videos is a weekly countdown featuring up-and-coming queer artists.
Honorable Mention: mtvU (if you’re on a college campus you can watch it on tv!)
The OMFG Award
I only recently got into Mad Men (almost done with season 2!) but I did manage to see a few episodes of season 3. The lawnmower incident of episode 306 was not only the most shocking thing I’ve ever seen on Mad Men, it’s the most shocking thing I’ve seen on most shows. And that includes Buffy dying (both times), Ellen Tigh being the final Cylon, John Doe actually being George (HAHA JK THAT WAS STUPID), that bomb squad dude blowing up on Grey’s, Jackie smashing her finger with a hammer, Shane Botwin killing Pilar with a croquet mallet, and whateverthefuck happened in the Dexter finale this season (jk about that one… that is probs more shocking than the lawnmower but alas I’m only up to episode 105 of Dexter which is a shame because now the entire show is RUINED FOR ME FOREVER).
The Best Guest Star Award
I love a good stunt casting! And there were plenty of good ones this year… Megan Mullally on Parks and Rec, Jennifer Coolidge on Party Down (good god she was funny), Zooey Deschanel on Bones, Evan Rachel Wood on True Blood, everyone who guest-stars on 30 Rock, and Elizabeth Banks and Ed Norton on Modern Family. But I think the best performance this year would be Kristin Chenoweth on Glee! Her character April Rhodes taught the glee kids how to be bad while wearing crazy outfits and singing drunkenly, and who doesn’t love that?
The Best Ensemble Award
This is a tough category, as there are many great ensembles on tv (Mad Men, True Blood, Ugly Betty, the Office, Parks and Rec, etc etc) but personally I can find no weak links in the Nurse Jackie cast. I can never tell which supporting character I like best (Zoey, Dr. O’Hara, Thor, Coop, or our dearly departed Mo-Mo), and unlike most shows with a strong ensemble, I actually adore our lead characters too (not to mention the incredible performance given by Edie Falco, who had better win a goddamn Emmy for this).
The NSFW Award
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is srsly one of the best shows on tv you guys. Its genius is in its simplicity: a bunch of assholes who own a bar get into all sorts of mischief. There, that’s all. They drink, they do drugs, they beat the shit out of each other, they curse (thanks, FX!), they say the most inappropriate things imaginable… and all throughout you not only sympathize with them but somehow relate to them as well. Genius.
Also Danny DeVito is AMAZING.
The Best Dynamic Duo Award
Obvs the best dynamic duo around is Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy. Yes, I am an unabashedly hardcore 30 Rock fan, but I think I’m not alone in this one. It’s been really awesome watching Liz and Jack’s friendship grow over the past few seasons, their interactions are hilarious and feel authentic. And as long as they never ever let them hook up (which I really don’t think they will), we should be good for years to come.
The Best TV Couple Award
I wanted a gay tv couple to win this award, since this is a gay site and all, but it was hard. Do you know why? Because there aren’t any goddamn coupled homos on tv! We really just have like, Bette and Tina, fucking SHENNY, and Calizona. So this award goes to Callie and Arizona on Grey’s Anatomy. They clearly have a more balanced and healthy relationship than any of the other pairings on that show and they are always shown eating food together so you know they are real lesbians. What? We all love food! Real talk.
Honorable Mention: Hoyt + Jessica 4eva (True Blood), Blair and Chuck (Gossip Girl), Barney and Robin (HIMYM, even though they broke up)
Dishonorable Mention: I want to make a point to say that Pam and Jim were not in the running for this because they are ANNOYING now.
The Number One Feeling Award
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching tv this year it’s that everyone is neurotic! That’s news to me! I thought I was the only one! Shows like Hoarders and Obsessed on A&E have really brought anxiety disorders into a mainstream discourse and I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or an exploitative one. Probs both, yeah? Anyway my number one feeling is always anxiety and now TV’s number one feeling is too.
The Please Have Sex Already Award
Hey Autostraddlers! Why don’t S and B just get a room and get it over with already? xoxo, Gossip Squirrel
P.S. If we were on Television Without Pity this would obvs be called the HoYay! Award (“homoeroticism, yay!”).
Honorable Mention: Chuck and Nate (Gossip Girl), Peggy and Joan (Mad Men), Don Draper and Every Dude At Sterling Cooper (Mad Men), Lily and Robin (HIMYM), Adelle and Echo (Dollhouse), Bill and Eric (True Blood)
The Most Squandered Potential Award
For those of you still watching the final episodes of Dollhouse — all 3 of you — you might have noticed that it’s getting REALLY EFFING GOOD. Which is so sad, because maybe if it had gotten this awesome a little sooner Fox might have given it another stay of execution. Oh well. It’s such a shame, really. It would’ve done so much better on cable.
The Award For the Nicest Show To Look At
Given the stylish threads, meticulously crafted sets, and genetically gifted cast, Mad Men has a totally unfair advantage in this category. And that is totally fine by me.
The Gayest Show on TV Award
The gayest show currently on tv is not Glee. Sorry, but all of the plotlines had to do with pregnancies and straight love triangles. Zzzz. If you want gay tv you need to watch True Blood. And according to Alan Ball, it’s only going to get gayer during this summer’s hotly anticipated third season. Thank gawd.
The Award For Our Favorite Out Actors
These might be the most obvious choices but there’s a reason for that. 2009 was a big year for both Portia de Rossi and Neil Patrick Harris and both completely deserve this award. Both are fierce advocates for equality (that was an Obama joke) and hilarious and adorable and wonderful. NPH hosted both the Tonys and the Emmys this year and somehow lost to Jon Effing Cryer for the Best Supporting Actor award (an indemnity from which I have still not fully recovered). Portia’s show Better Off Ted is hilarious and she appeared on Oprah with Ellen in A Very Special Episode About America’s Favorite Lesbians.
The Best Gay Characters on TV
I had such a hard time deciding which gay/bi/etc tv character to award that I just decided to give it to all of them! Let’s face it, there’s not that many of them. So I’ll just list them all and you tell me if I’ve omitted any.
Callie and Arizona (Grey’s Anatomy), Lafayette and Queen Sophie-Ann (True Blood), Marshall (United States of Tara), Mo-Mo and Thor (Nurse Jackie), Marc (Ugly Betty), Janis Hawk (Flashforward), Kurt (Glee), Remy “Thirteen” Hadley (House), most of the cast of the L Word, Camile Wray (Stargate Universe), most of the guys on Brothers and Sisters, Bree’s gay son Andrew and the gay neighbors on Desperate Housewives.
TV EXECUTIVES, TAKE NOTICE: This list needs to be a lot longer in 2010. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
The Best Show You’re Not Watching Award
Party Down is hands down totes the best show that you are not watching. You’re probably not watching it because it’s on Starz and no one knows what that channel is. It’s from the creator of Veronica Mars (it features many cast alums including guest spots from Kristen Bell, which: yowza) and its first season featured The Lynch Who Can Do No Wrong (and who will be replaced by Megan Mullally on the upcoming second season). Do yourself a favor and get caught up on season one before season two premieres in April.
Honorable Mention: Beautiful People (Logo), Mythbusters (Discovery)
The Most Awesome Character on TV Award
I mean, is there even any contest here?
Sue MF’ing Sylvester is the most awesome tv character this year and all years to come. She handily beat out Barney Stinson, both Blair and Chuck, Lafayette, the entire cast of 30 Rock, Georgina Sparks, the entire cast of Mad Men, Frank Reynolds, your mom, my mom, and Angelica’s two moms for this honor, and still had time to get her track suit dry-cleaned.
The Best Moment of the Year Award
TV is all about great moments; moments that make you cry, moments that make you laugh, moments that shock you, moments that are totally terrible and make you think a trained monkey was writing this crap… so out of all of the great moments of 2009 (Pam and Jim’s wedding, Chuck and Blair finally getting together, Alpha showing up, Alice’s priceless reaction to the monster that was Shenny, the list goes on) I think my favorite moment of 2009 was the premiere of season two of True Blood, wherein audiences were finally relieved to learn that Lafayette wasn’t the one found dead in the back of Andy’s car. Damn you Alan Ball for making us mourn the loss of that much pizazz for the better part of a year!
The Thing We’re Most Excited About in 2010 Award
Hey, didja hear? Buffy is going to be on Logo and MTV starting in January! That’s really effing exciting! Buffy, you guys! Buffy is back on tv!
And obvs we will all support teh gheys by only watching it on Logo right?
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