Welcome to the final recap of the first season of The L Word: Generation Q, brought to you by the same network that brought you The L Word, a show about a tender young boy named Shay whose father leaves him on the back porch of his estranged daughter’s West Hollywood home sans explanation after stealing $10k from her generous benefactor friend leading Shay to a life of skateboarding, milkshake-drinking and Gay-Mommi-bullying before eventually breaking his arm, requiring his sister to become an underwear model to pay his medical bills, only to be re-snatched-up by his very own father mere episodes later and then to disappear from everybody’s consciousness forever and ever, amen.

Well, it’s the finale and what a ride this has been. It seems like just yesterday that my hair looked great at the Los Angeles LGBT Center and now here we are, running through the airport on the journey of a lifetime. I have SO enjoyed discussing this program with all of you over the past eight weeks! You can look forward to a solid amount of follow-up content this week.

Also, Carly and I pop in at the end of Monday’s episode of “To L and Back: Generation Q” and will be returning to our regularly scheduled podcast recapping of the original series on February 3rd! We’ll be kicking off with 306, which is, I’m sorry to say, REAL BAD.

Also in other big news: those Wildfang coveralls Sophie was wearing earlier in the season are back in stock.


We open at the raucous election night celebration for our one and only Bette Porter for Mayor 2020, where a local news anchor informs us that unlike all of us here reading this recap, the people of Los Angeles have “really connected” with Bette’s “commitment to tackle the opioid crisis head-on.” Inside, Dani’s topping all the scrawny gays and softest butches with her interests and desires — specifically, she needs poll numbers and she needs EVERYBODY to be on the registrar’s website.

You’ve heard the news, you know the mission. You should also know there is only one way that this mission ends: and that’s with the successful rescue of our people, off of New Caprica.

The crowd goes wild for Bette Porter as she makes her way through the throngs of admirers! She’s so pretty! Bette’s yanked aside by Maya, a hot reporter who wants Bette’s hot take on the latest polls, but Bette remains tight-lipped outside of being “cautiously optimistic.” Meanwhile, Alice’s flipping through potential dates on the exclusive dating app Raya, lamenting how she went from having “the greatest girlfriend” to two girlfriends to a dating app that shows you the same 15 people over and over again. Alice is going to get kicked off the app for letting Showtime film her using it, that’s against the rules! Shane favors a girl who’s taken 40 pictures of herself with a parakeet, but Alice isn’t ready for birds.

Oh, look at this. Monogamy is common among birds.
That’s great, because I love birds.
It is the practice of having a single mate during a period of time. Does that… mean anything to Nat?

Shane gets an ambiguous emergency call requiring her immediate attention, so obviously Quiara is having a miscarriage. Meanwhile, Bette’s won a district they weren’t expecting to win!!!!

Dani: “We could actually win this thing.”
Bette: “Well, that’s the goal.”

Any interest in dipping into Dana’s Secret Sex Room and seeing what you can to do uh, win MY “district”?

Dani, overwhelmed by either intense thirst or admiration, watches Bette recede into the crowd with a fully captivated stare. Alice shows Dani her bird girl.

Alice: What do you think of her?
Dani: I dated her. The birds were a whole thing.

Birds, Dani, I’m talking about a god-damn-fucking bird. Asking my girlfriends to be as civilized as some god-damn-fucking birds.

I want and need to know EVERYTHING about Dani’s dating life before Sophie!


Deep in the annals of Kit + Denny’s, Finley’s suddenly a bartender and is immediately distracted by Sophie’s arrival. The pain! The intensity! The deep queer yearning! A thing you’ll have to accept this episode is that there is no such thing as “time.” How much time has passed since the hospital hallway kiss? What happened just afterwards? What happened to Nana? Did Finley come back to the hospital the next morning? Is there a world in which Finley and Sophie, who live together now, have not already encountered each other post-kiss and been forced to discuss what happened? There is: it’s this world.

Wanna tongue kiss?
Meet me outside in five.

Finley looks at Sophie with hesitant warmth, Sophie returns that emotion but with a little extra weight and remorse before pivoting to the RADIANT Micah and Jose, who definitely look like they’ve been fucking all day, and then, to the arrival of her fiancee Dani, who dares to defy expectations by telling Sophie she looks beautiful and that she’s so glad Sophie’s here.

Is that a… vampire bite on your neck?

Dani’s NEVER been this nervous IN HER WHOLE LIFE and she could PUKE at any second! Sophie says she’s so proud of her no matter what happens. Finley watches from across the room with a tinge of sadness. Bette Porter loses the 13th District which means the campaign attack ads I saw around town must’ve really done some damage! Here, I saved one for posterity:

Alarmed by this devastating loss in District 13, Dani darts off. “That was nice while it lasted,” Sophie laments, although it’s entirely fair for Dani to be too busy for her on this night of all nights. In other news, Jose’s done a painting of Micah and he is JONESING to see it.


Meanwhile at this social mixer, Alice sits at the bar with Angie, who’s deep in thought over that classic, eternal question: What Is Lesbian Sex?

Oh yeah don’t trust anything you see on network television, lesbian sex is not, in fact, chastely pressing your lips to another woman’s lips and then getting shot in the eyeball with an arrow

Alice wants to talk election numbers but Angie’s got a divergent line of inquiry:

Angie: “When did you lose your virginity?”
Alice: “Mmm. Okay. I haven’t yet.”
Angie: “I know you’re lying!”
Alice: “Okay okay, I was um… I was like 37.”
Angie: “You know what? I’ll just ask Shane. I think that’s perfect!”
Alice: “Okay okay okay! I’ll talk I’ll talk! I was 17. And it was with this guy who played my Mom’s son in a movie of the week.”
Angie: “What’s a movie of the week?”
Alice: “That was your takeaway from what I just said?”

Before we can get more details on this Important Sex Talk, there’s another Important “Sex” Talk happening just outside, where a seemingly sober Finley’s brought Sophie for a little relationship climate change denial. Finley would like to acknowledge her historical relevance as a “shitstorm for people” and her desire not to fuck up Sophie’s relationship with Dani. Finley nervously and clumsily suggests “select-all-deleting” everything that happened in that hallway, instead of what she should be suggesting, which is scrolling back, pressing play, and watching it again!!!

You know, I’m really starting to feel like our Lyft is never coming

Sophie’s not sure how to react — it’s all an act, after all, for both of them, trying to do the right thing instead of the thing they want to do. So they repeat how “good” they are, how “good” things are, even though they’re clearly “not good.” Finley heads inside. Sophie remains on the curb, looking despondent.


Shane arrives at the hospital to find Quiara waiting to see a doctor about some bleeding. Shane immediately recognizes her wife as the hospital’s Most Important Patient and determines her wisest course of action would be to yell at the kind receptionist just trying to do her job until she agrees that rushing Quiara in is very important. I hated this!

Do you want oral? Right now? I’ll do it! I’ll give you oral right fucking now I will!

Back at Kit + Denny’s Wild Election Night party, Dani and Vaguely Masc Extra #45 are playing with their little map game, ruminating over the slimness of the chance of Bette winning. This particular human is played by Lex Ryan, who’s non-binary!

Mom said if we finish all our chores, we can go to the mall tomorrow and see Jumanji: The Next Level!
But I already told my BFF we could go to LASER TAG tomorrow!!!

But! Good news: they won the 5th District! Beverly Hills and showed up for their one + only!

Dani rushes over to her love, Bette Porter, to celebrate the great news while her other love, Sophie Suarez, looks on.

Hey uh are there cocktail servers here or are we just supposed to order at the bar??

Deep in a Kit + Denny’s backroom, Bette and Dani hibernate to engage in the soothing, productive process of compulsively refreshing the computer screen.

Surely the recap is up by now??
Nope, it’s still these fucking “election” “results”!!!

Outside in the bar, the crowd has gathered to wonder why Jeff Milner looks like a creepy homicidal ex-husband from an episode of America’s Most Wanted in his campaign headshot.

Jeff Milner is not afraid to murder your wife with an ice pick

And then, finally, we reach the climax of this somewhat meandering storyline: Bette Porter loses. She will not be mayor of Los Angeles. Milner’s gonna run this city right into the ground! Dani sits down, crushed. Bette tries not to cry. Dani apologizes. “I did everything that I could. I’m so sorry.” Bette rubs Dani’s back and says that she did a great job.

Well, I guess this means you’re not my employee anymore so maybe we should…???

Bette’s stressed, compulsively re-arranging her strange outfit while repeating “it’s okay, it’s okay,” as Dani sits there with her fingers intertwined, overcome by despair and, perhaps, unconscious sexual desire for Bette Porter. Now it’s time for Bette to address the crowd.


At Shane’s Hollywood Mansion Palace, Shane is participating in Ye Olde Classic L Word Emotional Turmoil Practice I mentioned in last week’s recap: offering to make Quiara some tea. Quiara has had a miscarriage, and is understandably quite broken up about it!

Alternately I could make you a Hot Toddy?

Quiara’s non-reposnsive re: the tea. Shane’s gonna go ahead and make tea anyhow.


We cut to what appears to be the next morning in beautiful Los Angeles, California — land of the Golden Dream, land of beautiful birds and endless splendor and DaSoMi’s East Side Hideaway, where Sophie’s feeling like her whole body is closing in on itself — she’s sighing, trying not to cry, looking in the mirror like she wishes it was a portal to somebody else’s life — and Dani’s serving up some SERIOUS sideboob.

I remember when Finley’s lip was right here right exactly here on my lip…
I wonder if Bette Porter wears like, full pajamas to bed, or if she just sleeps in her underwear

Sophie enters the boudoir in her t-shirt and boxer-briefs to find, surprisingly, that her fiancee is still at home. Now that she’s unemployed, Dani’s not sure what to do with herself. Here are some things I just thought of:

+ Take a boxing class to get Strong Arms like Shane
+ Follow 10+ interior design instagrams, move all your furniture around, buy 6+ houseplants and then empty your savings account at West Elm
+ Make an earring out of feathers, just like Romi
+ Get a cactus costume and then eat at In-n-Out dressed like a cactus
+ Go to Target
+ Blow glass
+ Build a tiny shed in the yard and then go adopt a little dog and put it in the shed, but not permanently, it should really be in the house with you, the shed is just for special occassions
+ Listen to a domestic thriller on audiotape while walking in circles around your neighborhood
+ Stare despondently at the ceiling fan

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But don’t worry, Dani’s got an equally great idea of her own:

Dani: “Let’s get married.”

I JUST told you about a Clay & Mixed Media Course we could take starting next week and you wanna get MARRIED?

Sophie acknowledges that getting married is, indeed, the plan, but Dani would like to speed up their timeline a bit.

Sophie: “What, ’cause you suddenly have time for me?”
Dani: “No. Because why not?”
Sophie: “Oh you know, I can think of a few reasons…”

Dani’s got no further inquiries regarding those few reasons, only an offer to fly them both to Hawaii tomorrow after Sophie’s show to get married. Sophie’s concerned about their families who’d like to witness this catastrophic union of souls and secrets. Dani suggests a party when they return with very strong tans that’ll look great in photos. Dani insists this is the best way to “start our life together on our own terms.” She bends down in front of Sophie and says “I just wanna be your wife.” I’d say from personal experience and also from watching a LOT of television that generally one partner pushing for an unexpected quickie wedding is NEVER a good idea! Just ask Jenny (RIP) or Carmen!

If we break up now, it’ll be free! Wouldn’t it be better to get married and THEN break up, so we can do it for thousands of dollars?
Is Daddy paying for this one too

Sophie reluctantly agrees with a, “My Mom is gonna kill me.” Yeah! She is! Your family will be heartbroken! They kiss. Dani bounds off excited. Sophie remains pensive. Ladies…. w h a t   a r e   y o u   d o i n g.

Why does Dani want to get married like this, instead of surrounded by friends and family who’ve been eagerly anticipating this event? Why must they do it now? There’s lots of other things to do in Hawaii! For example, on my trip to Hawaii ten million lifetimes ago with my then-girlfriend, I planned an entire day where we just went to all the places on the island where Lost had been filmed! We didn’t get married at all! In fact, we broke up like a year later and now she is engaged to somebody else. Let that be a lesson to everybody.

[ETA: My friend who’s worked on political campaigns says that campaign workers often do impulsive things like getting engaged or married after a campaign loss as a response the emotional drop-off that happens when the candidate you’ve been working with doesn’t win.]


We zoom over to somebody’s apartment — Shane’s? It appears furnished? — where Bette muses, “I remember when Tina miscarried.” [Throwback #22: Tina’s miscarriage in Season One] Yes, we all remember when Tina miscarried. Especially Candace, she probably remembers it the most. It was a very sad time!

“It was so painful,” Bette says, remembering making out with Candace while she still had her overalls on.

I bought all the tiny elephants and tigers myself, okay? I got stoned and ended up in Kidsland. There’s actually also a tricycle in the garage and a few Bugaboos and Finley is supposed to be building a crib that looks like the Windsor Castle.

Don’t worry though, Shane’s doing okay!

Bette: “We’re here for you now.”
Alice: “Yeah! And if my show gets cancelled, I’ll be here a a lot more. And! Since I’m homeless, I’ll actually be here more than I realized a second ago?”
Shane: “Wow, we’re doing great.”

Ah yes, tfw when you and your other grown-up friends realize that despite being grown-ups, your lives are still hot messes. Bette’s optimistic about Milner’s opioid crisis task force, which he’s asked her to head up, and Alice is awed by Bette’s supernatural calm.

Bette: “We went out swinging, I gave everything I had to the campaign, and I found a way to be myself. What more could anyone ask for?”

I mean yes, sure, we did fuck all night before I told Tina she was the love of my life the next morning
I will not HESITATE to flip over this coffee table

Bette’s assertion gets Alice’s gears turning and so we….


…cut to the well-furnished offices of everybody’s favorite Bubble, The Aloce Show, where Alice is in the building and ready to address her minions with an inspirational speech! She discloses that two of her best friends suffered horrible losses last night and it got her thinking about relationships, and how maybe, just maybe, the best thing to do is to just “stay true to who we are,” even if “who we are” is not afraid to sleep with your ex-wife.

“Listen to me. I said you need to strive to better than everyone else. I didn’t say you needed to be better than everyone else. But you gotta try. That’s what character is. It’s in the trying.”
Clear eyes
Full hearts
Can’t lose our jobs

Alice set out to change a few people’s minds about a couple of things and if she can’t use this platform to do that, then she doesn’t want this job after all!

Alice: “…sometimes we have to take a risk, and let’s make the show we wanna make. well, make the show i wanna make. We have to make the show I wanna make.”

Finley laughs. Sophie looks at her, Sophie looks down, Sophie looks back, Finley looks back. The air is heavy. That thing that happens where you’re so obsessed with somebody that you can feel every movement their body makes even if they’re on the other side of the room.

Alice: Fuck the viral videos, fuck the network mandate. Sophie, I want Roxane Gay.
Sophie: You got it, boss.

Drew attempts to interject with the suggestion of a “middle ground” and is roundly rejected by Alice, who informs him that if he can’t get on board, he can get the fuck out of here. That’s right Drew! Go home and sit in your mayonnaise bathtub.

Drew: “So you’re gonna get… Roxane uh… Roxanne uh…”
Sophie: ‘Roxane Gay? Yeah.”
Drew: “Am I allowed to say that?”
Sophie: “Oh my god. OH MY GOD.”
Drew: “I wasn’t sure if that was like uh—”
Sophie: “OH MY GOD.”

Do you have ANY idea how much Indica it takes to get me through ONE conversation with you, Drew?

Finley laughs at Sophie, their eyes meet, Finley opens her mouth to say nothing because there’s nothing she can say. Sophie looks down, exits stage left.


Meanwhile at DaSoMi’s, Dani’s invited her Dad over for a wine lunch to tell him she’s planning to elope in Hawaii with her girlfriend who she has had maybe two (2) conversations with that were not either fighting or sex since getting engaged in the pilot! She’s not sure why Dad thinks Sophie’s not good enough for her so he lays it on her: Dani’s taking a step backwards because Sophie’s family is “broken” and “doesn’t know stability.” Okay dude, good luck finding a lesbian without a traumatic family history for your daughter to date! Besides, I can’t think of a better family for Dani to marry into — Sophie’s relatives are generous and kind and loving and politically progressive in ways that her father doesn’t know how to be.

Just a little goblet of our finest poison for you, my father

Dad’s afraid that when things get hard, Sophie’s gonna leave her. “She’s so much better than that,” Dani says about her fiancee who is probably going to leave her. “She’s not gonna leave me. We love each other, and we’re good together. I need you to be okay with that.” I yearn, here, for Dani to explain how, exactly, they’re good for each other! I will say this: they’re both very attractive and look nice together. But I’m curious what else binds ’em. What do they do together for fun? Where’s their favorite place to order take-out? What song do they dance to every time it comes on?

Wait you’re saying that wine was full of … poison?
The finest poison money can buy

Dad asks Dani to come back and work for his Evil Empire, where that Building Project Situation he negotiated with Milner “months ago” is moving forward full steam ahead. This is when Dani realizes that her Dad threw his money and might behind Milner in the election, despite his dear daughter’s devotion to Bette Porter. This is bad.

Dani: “As I adjust to the idea that I can’t change you, I invite you to do the same for me.”

Nice one!


Apparently learning NOTHING from Tina’s Terrible Miscarriage, Shane and Quiara have somehow already amassed baby anticipation gifts from Shane’s alleged friends for the tiniest little miniature pickle to ever have a heartbeat, which Shane’s attempting to box up until the full weight of emotional trauma has eclipsed the home and Quiara is ready to interact with a small stuffed tiger again. However, Quiara needs no such treatment!

Lesbian Squabble #26: Don’t Throw Your Fucking Ring at me That’s Such a Fucking Cliche I’ll Fucking Barf
In the Ring: Shane vs. Quiara
Content: Quiara suspects Shane was relieved by the miscarriage and she feels Shane’s responses to this accusation are transparent expressions of disinterest in parenthood, which Shane reiterates not wanting to do, which Quiara reiterates Shane saying she would do, which Shane explains as wanting to stay with Quiara, and Quiara says then Shane’ll be also eager to try again and Quiara declares, “You’re never gonna change Shane. No one is ever gonna love you ’cause you’re incapable of loving anyone but your fucking self,” and like, Shane has a lot of problems but loving herself over everybody else is… absolutely not one of them. In fact, the most consistent way she lets people down is by agreeing to do things she doesn’t actually want to do! Then Quiara lightly tosses her wedding ring in Shane’s general direction.
Who Wins? On the surface, it’d appear that Quiara wins. However, for somebody who allegedly knows/understands Shane deeply, that final line was… confusing? I’m calling this one for Shane.


Back at Bette’s sumptuous home, Dani’s helping Bette cart in some leftover paper goods from the campaign, much to the dismay of The Lorax. Dani reveals her terrible plan to marry Sophie in Hawaii, and Bette reveals her terrible plan to work for the Milner administration.

I bet your earlobes smell like honey and lavender

Dani tells Bette it’s a set-up — her Dad’s been supporting Milner all along and his ties to Big Pharma run deep. Milner just wants to look like he gives a shit, which I imagine is because in his headshot, he looks like he just took a shit on somebody’s lawn. Bette wonders if any of it was worth it and Dani says it sure was! She’s gotten at least three sex dreams out of this.


We return to the offices of The Aloce Show, where everybody’s heading home and Sophie offers Finley a ride and Finley’s just gotta drop these things off in the green room if that’s okay and yes, it’s totally okay!

Sorry all I can think of when I look at you is “wanna bang??”

Sophie follows her in, stands squarely in her confusion and announces that she’s going to Hawaii, tomorrow, to get married to Dani.

“That’s awesome,” Finley lies, smiling generously, keeping her distance from Sophie and also herself. She doubles down: “You can have one of your little coconut drinky drinks.”

Without pause, Sophie shuts the door, faces her friend: “Alright. How do you really feel?”

“I don’t…” Finley doesn’t want to feel anything, “I don’t know how to feel!”

Sophie tries a different approach — one she’s used before with Finley when Finley didn’t know how to articulate her emotions. “Well does it feel… calm? Inside your body right now? Like everything’s exactly how it’s supposed to be?”

She barely finishes her question before Finley, laughing, interrupts: “You are like… the world’s worst Catholic!”

I can keep this smile up for maybe 1-2 more emotions, max

“What?” Sophie cracks up. “How?”

“Don’t you know how to shove it down?” Finley’s bewildered, physically demonstrating the benefits of shoving it down. “Just like, way down? And never talk about it?”

“Oh my God. Is that what you’re doing?”

“Of course it is!” Finley gesticulates wildly. “That’s what everybody does! That’s how you survive! In the world!” It’s true, but then what happens when you wanna do more then just survive? “Just shove it down!” Finley demonstrates shoving it down again, really putting her whole body into it.

“You know what? I cannot fucking stand you,” Sophie teases.

“I know, I know,” Finley transitions quickly from her real self to the parody of herself she’s gotten so good at substituting for authentic communication — being the Court Jester, leading into type. “Cause I’m ridiculous.”

Sophie laughs but then snaps out of it because she’s not here for Finley The Puppy in a Human Body she’s for the real shit underneath all that. “No, no, you’re. You’re not,” Sophie steps closer.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Finley weakens. “You’re getting married. In Hawaii. And you leave tomorrow.”

Sophie nods, she knows. Boy does she know! Finley advises, once again, shove it down. It’s her Hail Mary. Shove it way down. Sophie doesn’t want to shove it down. What do you want?

Lesbian Sexy Moment #16: I’ll Tell You What I Want What I Really Really Want
The Pick-Up: “Your heart. It’s racing.”
Hot or Not? Yes.

Sophie puts her hand on Finley’s racing heart, presses into it. It’s a good racing. Sophie starts unbuttoning Finley’s shirt, carefully, telling her she smells so good. She smashes all her confusion and yearning and fear, into Finley’s neck, keeps unbuttoning, slides her shirt off. They smile, they kiss again, they hold hands, Sophie takes her own shirt off.

Finley breathes. She’s scared. She doesn’t want to fuck everything up. She’s sober. Everything is right there on the surface, nothing blurring it. She’ll remember every minute of this, how good it felt and how wrong it was but how good it felt.

It’s just me, Sophie says.

And then we cut to the sofa, and everything is fun and silly except when it’s overwhelming and beautiful. Finley laughs at Sophie taking her pants off and Sophie laughs at her laughing and says oh ok you’re laughing at me. Finley protests, I’m not! Sophie edges, I’m taking my clothes off and you’re laughing at me!

Finley collapses backwards with something like pure, full, absolute joy. Have we ever seen her this happy? I’m just having a great time! I swear! She reaches out for Sophie and brings her closer, brings her face right up to her face.

Sophie yanks Finley’s  pants off and then teases Finley’s ashy legs, Fuck off! / No!

…then for a second everything floods up inside Sophie — how much she wants this, how long it’s been since she’s been with anybody but Dani, how fucked up she feels about all of it — and she says, Come here, it’s a lot. Finley gets it, sits up softly, draws her in. Sophie gets on top of her so they’re all wrapped up in each other and they hold each other like maybe this might be where it ends.

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It’s okay.

This is where they could stop but they can’t stop.This feels too good, Sophie mutters, almost, already fingering the edges of Finley’s bra, then getting her nails underneath it, shoving it up and off. Then they just swallow each other right up, grinding like starving, panting, feeling everything, all of it.

Now what? What happens after the tension becomes action and now you’ve done it and now you can’t get married, in Hawaii? You can’t have the coconut drinky drinks, they will be sweet but everything else will be bitter. Sophie maybe doesn’t want love to be so much work anymore. She wants it to feel more like riding home on the back of a girl’s bicycle — not dragging a girl uphill, or waiting at the bottom for her to come pick you up. But Dani has been loyal. She’s also been cold and ignorant of Sophie’s real feelings and they’re not well-matched emotionally — but she has consistently loved Sophie and consistently been loyal. They can’t get married. They can’t keep dating!

Hot or Not? Yes! But honestly? “Hot” isn’t really the point here, it’s not hot so much as it’s intense and resonant and complicated and beautiful. That being said, “grinding with your underwear on” is a primary lesbian sex act and I’m grateful for this representation. It’s my favorite scene of the show so far!

If this scene happened the original L Word though, Finley would somehow have had an enormous fully erect dildo hiding inside her pants all day.


This incredible cinematic moment is interrupted by Jose’s art show, which is similarly lit and filled with fashionable, hip art people. Micah seems more comfortable with Jose now, more confident in their connection. Therefore, Micah can’t wait to see the wonderful picture Jose has painted of him!!

I saw “The Little Mermaid” on Broadway and what can I say… I was inspired
Look at this painting, isn’t it neat
Hm.

Well… you know what? This is art. Every artist has their own approach, a unique vision that only they can truly understand. Objectively, Jose is clearly a talented artist. Furthermore, this painting has a few things going for it: Leo Sheng is hot so any remote likeness of him will, in turn, also be hot. This painting appears to have really used paint — different colors of paint and — again, I’m no art expert but — perhaps also several different paintbrushes. It’s very clear that this is a painting of a person, and that the person is Micah, who as aforementioned is a very good-looking young man. Another thing about this painting is that you can tell it was painted by a human being, not by a computer or an animal or aliens trying to send us a message from the afterlife. There’s nothing about this painting that suggests it was painted by a ghost, for example. We see here two types of life: we see a human mammal, and we also see tiny fish, like you might see in a fish tank. It’s the circle of life.

I love it so much I can’t even look at it with my eyes open

“It’s how I see you,” Jose admits. Underwater with six-pack abs, surrounded by fish, his hand over his genitals? Okayl! Now that Micah has seen what Jose can do with a can of paint and a few hours of free time, he’s ready to give ’em the ‘ol L Word: “I love you.” Just like all those Free City shirts told us in the original series: art is love. I’m happy for these cuties, even if Jose’s art is weird.


Then we zip on back to DaSoMi’s house of pain, where Sophie’s lying in bed awake, crying. “Hey baby,” Dani rolls over. “Hey.” She pulls Sophie closer to spoon her. “Are you scared about tomorrow?” She doesn’t wait for a response from Sophie. No confirmation, no denial, no explanation. But that’s okay, Dani’s just gonna assume she knows why Sophie is crying and continue her previous train of thought!

Hold me closer, tiny cheater…

“It’s gonna be incredible. I’m gonna treat you so good, and you deserve all of it,”  Dani says. “I’m still learning but I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.” It’s a sweet series of promises. Sophie kisses her hand over and over, and then burrows right into her.

…count the red flags on the highway

Holy shit! If my girlfriend was crying in bed the night before I was flying her to Hawaii to get married, I think I’d wanna hear a little bit more about that, you know? It’s hard to tell if Dani loves Sophie, or just loves the idea of Sophie. If she wants to marry Sophie, or if she just wants to be married?


Cut to Rebecca’s House of Emotional Wellness, where Finley, in full disaster mode, has arrived to get some advice from the only priest she knows in Los Angeles: her ex-almost-girlfriend. She’s so sorry to interrupt Rebecca at this undetermined hour but well, she slept with Sophie? And she remembers there was a time when Rebecca told Finley she was a good person but she’s “so clearly not that”? What if she hurt Sophie? Also, she’s so sorry for hurting Rebecca! Also! Also. Also. Now she’s “gonna fuck off and get the fuck out of LA.”

What the holy hell are you doing out here
I’m sorry I’m sorry I just wanted to put up a few Christmas lights I really think we could win the Great Christmas Light Fight if we just could settle on a major showstopper?

Rebecca, oh Holy Night, thanks Finley for her acknowledgement of harms caused, and reiterates that she’s a good person, but that good people make mistakes. As for Sophie:

Rebecca: “Was it … was it a mistake?”

[Finley pauses]

Finley: “It doesn’t matter. She’s getting married and I might’ve really fucked it up for her and she does not deserve that.”
Rebecca: “What about you? What do you deserve?”
Finley: “Not you! Not her! You guys are both like, way better than me.”
Rebecca: “See that? That’s shame. You have to address that.”
Finley: “How the fuck do you do that?”
Rebecca: “I don’t know. It’s not a cut and dry thing. It’s a life-long journey. Of cultivating self-worth, self-love.”
Finley: “Love? I don’t even like myself right now. Like at all. And I just need something. I need something concrete. I need some help here.”

Can I just… pee really quick

Rebecca suggests taking responsibility for mistakes she’s made — she can start small, with little baby steps, like the one she just made by apologizing to Rebecca! Things are going great so far. Rebecca’s very compassionate. Finley takes it and also says she’s sorry for showing up like this and also:

Finley: “You are a real priest.”
Rebecca: “Thank you. You know I’m a minister right?
Finley: “And I TOTALLY know the difference between those two things.”

Before heading out into the bleak, timeless night, Finley needs one more thing — just a pen and some paper? “I know,” she says, self-deprecating, you know the way. The yep I’m still me, this kid who needs a pen.


Am I the Francesca Wolff of Generation Q? Maybe.

Micah’s admiring Jose’s work when a white man with spiky hair — a man you may remember from his previous appearance on the series as “shirtless man smoking a joint by the pool on the day Jose cancelled his date with Micah” — introduces himself to Micah while admiring how much Jose’s work has “evolved.”

Then!!! The man introduces himself as Jose’s husband. YIKES!!! Jose turns, sees them talking, and knows immediately what’s up. Micah looks back at him, cold as ice.

Did he tell you about my collection of tiny haunted dolls?
No, he told me about your collection of BOYFRIENDS

It doesn’t feel to me like Jose was cheating on his husband with Micah — I’m guessing this is an open relationship. But, being married is a BIG FUCKING SECRET to keep from Micah, especially after Micah has been so vulnerable and open with Jose. He took Jose to meet his Mom! Also, didn’t Jose know his husband was gonna be at the art show?

A cover of Imogen Heap’s “Hide and Seek” begins playing, with its apt opening line Where are we? What the hell is going on?


Y’all! My friends and countrypeople! FINLEY IS RETURNING THE BIKE.

NO… BOYZ… ALLOWED

This is why she needed the pen and paper:

Also thanks for the oral!

What a relief. Probably this girl has already bought a new bike, but still.


It’s a dark afternoon of the soul at Bette’s House of Paincakes, where Angie arrives home to find her mother crying on the couch with her clothes on, uninterested in nourishment or entertainment. Angie’s gonna be the Mom now: she tells Bette it’s okay to be sad and gets her out of “bed” and on location in one of the crests/hills/valleys of this fine city. (Seems to be Runyon Canyon.) It’s a place Angie goes sometimes with Jordi or when she wants to feel sad about Auntie Kit or Tina. That’s where I go to feel sad about Tina too.

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Angie always wondered when her Mom would finally let herself feel sad about, you know, how literally everybody everybody she knows has died and/or left except Alice Piesecki. “If I truly let myself grieve, then that would mean saying a final goodbye and I wasn’t ready to do that,” Bette acknowledges. “I guess I just tried to outrun my feelings.” And how! Bette’s been visited by so much tragedy. She’s lost her mother, her father, her sister. Her wife left her. One of her best friends died suddenly of breast cancer, one of her frenemies committed suicide in her backyard. What else can any of us do but run.

That’s what everybody does! That’s how you survive in the world! Just shove it down!

We recorded episode 310 today for the podcast, and there’s a part where Bette tells strangers at the bus stop (listen, it’s a real mess of a season) that when she’s hurt or in pain, she buries herself in work or a task. “I was just running away,” she realizes, and tells them. Old habits die hard. But also…

That’s how you survive in the world. Just shove it down.

If only Roberta Collie could see us now

Angie admits she’s sad about Tina tying the big K-N-O-T with Carrie Bradshaw ’cause just like all ye TIbetters out there, “a tiny part of me always hoped that you two would get back together.”

Here’s a lil something Angie might not know about her Mama: once upon a time in a land far far away, Bette went to a silent retreat* and it* didn’t** go*** well****.

*Dana
**died
***Tina
****fucked henry

One thing Bette took away from the silent retreat [Throwback #23: Silent Retreat Bette attended in Episodes 307-309, which’s also where the bus stop scene I mentioned was] besides the raw, unfettered access to her despair over Tina’s desire to explore sexual intimacy with men, was how to scream really loud in nature! Somebody’s going to call the police.

TINAAAAAA!!!!!!!

It’s time for one last Aloce Show and Cousin Heather’s warming up the crowd. Finley tells Alice she’s gonna kill it and they hug.

Then, there she is, face-to-face with Sophie somehow for the first time since the sex scene. Sophie starts, “I’m sorry but—” and then Finley does that thing people do in television programs where they interrupt you as if they have no desire to know what you were planning to say!

Be honest did you keep the underwear I was wearing when we were grinding on the green room sofa
Please just let me have this one thing

Anyhow, Finley’s got plans of her own: she’s going home to Missouri.

Is it because of us?

LOL no of course not hahahah why would it be about how we are super into each other and had really fun vulnerable sober sex and lolololol now you’re gonna marry Dani at the Hilton Hawaiian Village Waikiki Beach resort lololol!!! It’s not about your wedding it’s about my sister’s wedding wow!

Are you coming back?

Yeah! Yeah sure. I mean, Gen Q was renewed for Season 2, of course she’s coming back LOL! They exchange deep, meaningful glances.

“Catch you on the flipside, bud,” Finley says. It’s a real dagger of a line.

Then, Finley heads up the stairs to flee the set prior to their grand finale — but then she stops. She looks back.

I also kept a lock of your pubic hair I’m sorry thank you!!!

Sophie looks back. Sophie decides to go get her. She steps forward — AND THEN DREW INTERRUPTS HER BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE CAN HAPPEN and says she’s needed on set.


Back in the splendorous daylight of Los Angeles’s gorgeous hills and canyons, Bette’s curious if Angie and Jordi are you know, having sex, which Angie does NOT want to discuss. Bette hopes that Angie knows sex is supposed to feel good for both of you and if she’s scared or feeling pressured, it’ll be bad sex. Angie cannot handle this conversation. “Can this be over now?”

You know we can just like watch porn on the internet right

Angie spots a cute dog and also… its cute owner! It’s Maya, the reporter, who admits she was really pulling for Bette, but since Bette lost, she’ll settle for grabbing dinner with Bette?

Do you by any chance have any extra posters left over from your campaign?
As a matter of fact I do!

Angie is THRILLED. They’re so fucking cute! I know a daughter shouldn’t have to mother her mother, but the way she does it is so compassionate and perceptive, and the way Bette mothers is normally so air-tight that I think she’s allowed to lose her shit sometimes. Angie’s a great kid. I love her.

This is real cute that’s all I can say about it

YOOOOO GUESS WHO’S ON THE ALOCE SHOW Y’ALL???? IT’S ROXANE GAY!!!! They’re talking about Bad Feminist and Alice would like to talk about making space in feminism for women to be flawed, but also to care. Furthermore, Alice has a question: “Can you be a bad queer?”

“These days to be a bad queer is probably to want to want a wife and two kids and a picket fence,” Roxane sagely replies.

Roxane I’m just… I just have to ask: have you heard about the Lena Waithe divorce?
Oh HAVE I

Alice says she might be a “bad queer” because she failed at throupledom. Roxane has probably talked about Bad Feminist on 400 different talk shows already and seems entertained by this tangent. Alice tells her about the thruple and how she wanted to be this “cool evolved queer woman,” which Roxane affirms is pretty high on the scale of “1 to What the Fuck” but — it turns out that Alice just wants to be with Nat! Just Nat! It’s like…. everybody … has forgotten… about me? I feel like Roxane Gay needs to meet Gigi.

Good news: Nat’s here! “I’m here,” she says. She was waiting in Alice’s office but then heard Alice talking about her so she’s here.

I dreamed a dream of time gone by….

Alice asks the camera to cut and Drew confirms and Sophie stops him — “keep rolling, we need this.” You guys I have bad news: Drew is bad at viral videos! This scenario is one flashmob, a 5-year old with exceptional singing talent and a naked Gigi away from getting mentioned on The Ellen Show. Nat asks if she can come up and everybody says no except Sophie who again, says yes, rushing Nat onstage. Roxane Is like YES GIRLS LET’S DO THIS.

Sometimes before bed we’d just read your tweets out loud to each other and laugh instead of having sex, is that weird

“I lost a marriage because I was afraid to fight for what I wanted.” Nat confesses to Alice, “and I’m not going to make the same mistake twice. I love you, I am in love with you. And I feel like my complete and total self when i’m with you. And you make me laugh even when I’m mad, which is so fucking annoying.”

I dreamed that love would never die!
I dreamed that God would be forgiving…

Every now and then we flash back to Sophie, who’s either thinking about how Finley makes her laugh even when she’s mad or about how Dani makes her laugh even when she’s mad.

Nat says Alice is the best (we know), like so great that she tried to make it work with Nat’s ex-wife to make Nat happy (but the thruple was Alice’s idea? I’m confused) and Nat loves her and would fight for her!

White women are out here somehow making my interview about their relationship

Then they tongue kiss and the crowd goes wild! I love this viral video twist for them


Which brings us to our concluding montage. Friends, my heart was RACING! We begin with Sophie in the back of a Lyft, thinking about times gone by. Then we find Dani, already settled in at the JetBlue terminal in a very expensive outfit. Then we travel back to DaSoMi’s, where Jose’s pounding on the door and Micah is NOT having it. Then we are back in the car, with Sophie, who is pensive, crying, thinking about aforementioned times gone by.

This ring smells like Finley’s vagina

Meanwhile on the mean streets of Los Angeles, Shane spots a dog eating garbage. We all know where this is going: Shane is going to convince this dog to adopt Babe the pig as her own and teach Babe how to herd sheep as a way to prove himself to farmer Arthur Hoggett.

Why’d you leave Carmen at the altar, Shane?!?!

Meanwhile on the shiny fancy streets of Los Angeles, Bette Porter is showing up for a dinner date with certified hot reporter Maya while her daughter Angelica shares headphones with Jordi, probably to watch the Palex storyline on Degrassi.

“Whatever it takes, we’re gonna make it through doo doo doo”

The diverse array of humans employed by The Aloce Show have vacated the premises, leaving Alice alone to have a deep makeout with her one + only, Nat. Back at the living hellscape of the Los Angeles Airport, Sophie arrives, terrified; while Finley, already inside, heads up the escalator.

Oooooo did I remember to pack my hot dog shirt or did I leave it in the bathroom…?

Sophie looks at the departures board — finding her flight to Honolulu, leaving at 9:05 PM. Then, she looks up a little higher — and finds the flight to Kansas City, Missouri. Leaving at 9:05 PM.

Dani or Finley Dani or Finley Dani or Finley
Hmmmmm
Wow, I really thought Finley would be flying Spirit

Shane starts talking to her dog, which I unfortunately absolutely cannot address at this time. Sophie goes up the escalator. Finley, in true Airport Tomboy tradition, plops down on the floor with her headphones in.

I mean it’s not like anybody would KNOW if I went to Chick-Fil-A

Dani’s growing concerned about her betrothed’s lack of arrival and, seemingly, her non-responsiveness on mobile telephone.

I totally could’ve gotten into that Coffee Bean line with PLENTY of time to spare before Sophie got here after all…

Sophie, infused with a solid sense of anxious purpose, starts mall-walking and then running. Where’s she going?

Finley is waiting. Boarding begins for the flight to Missouri.

“Hi, I’m Carly! and I’m Riese! and this is… To L and Back”

Sophie is running.

Sinley Sinley Sinley Sinley

Dani is waiting. Boarding is in progress for the flight to Honolulu.

I hope they sell snack packs on this flight

It’s the final boarding call for Kansas City.

I hope they have free blankets on this flight

It’s the final boarding call for Honolulu.

Sophie stops running. She sees someone. She starts to smile.

The end!!!!!!!


The Round Up:
Sexy Moments: 1 this episode, 16 total
Squabbles: 1 this episode, 26 total
Throwbacks: 2 this episode, 23 total
Quote of the Week: 
“You are like… the world’s worst Catholic! Don’t you know how to shove it down? Just like, way down? And never talk about it?… That’s what everybody does! It’s how you survive in the world! Just shove it down!” – Finley


Well, friends that’s it! This week we’re running THREE entire roundtables about The L Word; Generation Q so you can continue to process it all, and perhaps other adjacent content as well. If you’ve enjoyed these recaps, we highly encourage you to help us keep the lights on by joining A+ or making a donation. Also, you can continue to enjoy my L Word commentary on the hit podcast “To L and Back,” Carly and I will be returning February 3rd with new episodes about old episodes!