Over at DaSoMi’s, Dani’s arrived home after a VERY stressful day of trying to con Bette into making some viral vids about Jeff Milner’s sordid secrets and is surprised to hear Sophie in her closet but SURPRISE, it’s not Sophie! It’s Finley, grabbing Sophie a change of clothes. Dani agrees to join her on her return jaunt to the hospital as soon as she changes ’cause she’s “covered in a rare combination of sweat and bullshit” and also ’cause she’s not wearing a bra so there’s some nice fanservice there. Finley asks what happens next with Bette — if she wins, Dani hopes for a spot in her administration, if she loses, well, “I don’t think about that.” Well, that’s enough small talk for the day!
Lesbian Squabble #22: She’s Taken She Is Yours
In the Ring: Finley vs. Dani
Content:
Finley: I think you should’ve been there for her today.
Dani: Excuse me?
Finley: She really needed you.
Dani: She asked me not to be there. Repeatedly. Asked me not to be there.
Finley: She should’ve asked —
Dani: She knows I’m fucking tapped out right now. I’m giving her all I’ve got.
Finley: Yeah but dude it’s her Grandma! Even I knew to be there.
Dani: Yeah! YOU should be there. Your life is nothing like mine.
Oof. Finley shoots back an “okay” and a facial expression that transmits exactly what Dani deserves as she attempts to backpedal, and fails. “Our life circumstances are different,” she stutters. “Yeah, I’m not her fiancee,” Finley responds.
Who Wins? Finley.
Cut on back to The Thruple Towers, where Alice is trudging home after a long day battling the patriarchy, eager to see her girlfriends and watch a little ocean-based reality television. She flings open the door to her boudoir to find Nat and Gigi, naked and unafraid. They ask if she wants to get in. Alice, almost as if she is unable to see the radiance laid out before her, declines.
Lesbian Squabble #23: Three’s Company
In The Ring: Nat/Gigi vs. Alice
Content: Nat’s confused — she thought this kind of thing was okay with Alice. I’m also confused, because Nat + Gigi seem to genuinely think this is okay, which means one of two things:
- The triad did discuss rules around separate hookups, offscreen, as all triads should do immediately upon venturing into thrupleville. Twosomes were approved. Now that Alice actually sees the twosome in progress, she’s not sure she likes it so much after all!
This calls for: Another communication session! - Nat thinks a conversation we in fact witnessed on this program gave her the go-ahead to have VERY hot sex with Gigi while Alice fantasied about sticking Drew’s head in a trash compactor. Nat is incorrect, because nothing they’ve said prior would suggest approval of this scenario.
This calls for: A very serious apology from Nat and Gigi and a clear path towards reconciliation and trust re-building with Alice.
However, no such clarification is offered. I remain confused!
Nat: You’re mad?
Alice: No, I’m not mad. (turns around) I don’t — I don’t think this is what I meant.
Gigi: Okay. Should you two talk alone?
Nat: No, no we should all talk about it, right?
Alice: No no. You should stay um, Gigi. It’s your house. It’s your wife. It’s your whole fucking life.
Nat yells for Alice as she walks out but Gigi holds her back. “Just give her time,” she says. This is bad advice.
Who Wins? NOT ME, THAT’S FOR SURE.
Alice jets right on over to Shane’s Hollywood Mansion, and she’s yelling about Gigi and Nat fucking before Shane can even get the door open. “I’m sorry, but what did you expect?” says alleged Yoda Shane. Before Alice can dig into that piece of meat, she senses a sinister presence in the home….
Lesbian Squabble #24: I Can Categorically Say That You Are Not The Bigger Bananahead
In the Ring: Alice vs. Bette
Content: “You are not the only one dealing with some really hard shit right now,” Bette says. She’s sorry, she should’ve told Alice. Bette wasn’t afraid Alice would spill her beans all over Echo Park, she was afraid Alice might judge her! “Why would i judge you?” asks Alice, who definitely would’ve judged her. “I’m in a THRUPLE. With two ex-wives. I mean, you should be judging ME.” Good news! They make up and share a deep hug of love. Shane smiles.
Who Wins? Friendship!
Over the river and through the woods, to DaSoMi’s house we go, where mother is sad and Micah is mad and her sleep shirt is adorable!
Mom apologizes for earlier and says she’s trying her best, which Micah says isn’t good enough. Apparently Micah’s Dad — who’s dead, just like everybody else on this show and just like I have been since Alice walked out on potentially reconciling with her thruple for my own personal entertainment — was “so much better at all this.” Mom promises to do better and also by the way, “have you told that sweet boy that you love him yet? ‘Cause he loves you too.” Mom says their relationship is “very real.” Maybe Mom has access to some deleted scenes…
We go to the hospital, where SOPHIE IS READING WOMEN BY CHLOE CALDWELL TO HER NANA AND I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!
Finley arrives with a stone-faced Dani in tow, and Sophie’s relieved, a little bit, to see her. But she looks at Dani tentatively, afraid to lean in too much, and then at Finley familiarly. “I should’ve been here sooner,” says Dani, avoiding eye contact, like she just walked into a chill lunch meeting. But of course, within minutes of arrival, Dani’s phone blows up — the attack ad has gone live and all the baby butches on Bette’s campaign team are in a full panic.
Looks like Jeff Milner has apparently hired the same team that edited the legendary Sue Sylvester attack ad circa Episode 306 of Glee to create a video that would absolutely not pass muster in the TV/Radio class I took in 1996. The ad opens with a photograph of Bette and Tina and Angie:
“Bette Porter wants you to believe her family is just like yours,” says an ominous narrator before the above family picture is SHATTERED by a hammer. This is a very subtle throwback because that pic is from Episode 604, when Bette and Tina drove inexplicably far from home to meet a pregnant teen who was considering handing over her little baby to these suspicious ladies:
I’m curious if this was intentional, meant to suggest that that family had provided the photo to the Milner campaign, or if this is SUCH a deep cut that only me and Tibette Dot Com actually recognized the neighborhood and remembered the scene.
“We know better. She’s not afraid to sleep with your wife,” says the ad, as if that’s a bad thing, followed by a very carefully chosen millisecond of Bette’s scuffle with Tyler.
“Fuck! I knew this was gonna happen,” Dani is consumed. Sophie knows what’s coming next.
“I’m sorry, I need to handle this,” and Dani rushes out without even a pat on Sophie’s back. It’s not unreasonable that Dani might have to immediately depart for a job emergency. (Although subsequent scenes make me doubt this situation couldn’t have been handled via phone.) But now? With their relationship on such rocky ground already? After Dani failed to show up all day (she could’ve taken a half-day and spent the rest at the hospital working remotely!), and only is there at all because Finley asked her to come? Instead, it’s just another moment in which Dani and Sophie seem irreparably disconnected. Sophie’s not even surprised. She’s already given up.
“I’m sorry bud,” Finley sighs, offering to beat Dani up and then sitting on the arm of Sophie’s chair.
Sophie opens the book back up: “I’ve been reading her my favorite lesbian love story so that she’ll wake up and yell at me.” Finley laughs. Sophie tries to laugh, too.
Dani has teleported to Bette’s Beautiful Home to discuss this savage and very low-resolution turn of events. Dani’s furious Bette didn’t let her prep a little home video of her own to fire back at Mr. Milner, but Bette is resolute: “I told you, I have morals. I have standards.” Dani interrupts, only to be interrupted by a change of course from her passionate hero: “And if you think I’m gonna let this homophobic asshole take me down with this bullshit, you really don’t know me at all.”
Bette offers Dani a whiskey. Dani says yes like she’s been crawling through the desert for 40 days and 40 nights in search of some whiskey. Bette delivers a suggestive facial expression. Dani shoots one back. Excuse me!
We return to The Hospital. Sophie’s walking Finley out, down the mostly-empty corridor. It’s late. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Finley asks. Sophie’s sure. There’s barely enough room for her in there. “I can sleep anywhere,” Finley asserts, and boy do I believe it.
“I love you,” Finley says, facing her.
Sophie looks Finley up and down, this friend this bro she’s had for so long who is suddenly feeling like something different. The girl who’s been here for her all day when Dani couldn’t, or wouldn’t. The girl who just offered to bike home, get Sophie a pillow, and bring it back to the hospital.
Remember when she said Finley was the best part of her day?
“Yeah, I love you too,” Sophie says. Their eyes lock, but that’s scary, so it stays brief. Finley nods and says “okay” the way you nod and say “okay” when you can’t say what you really want to say.
She starts walking away, for real this time — but Sophie grabs her arm before she goes too far.
Finley bites her lip, knowing “what she wants” and “what she can have” are lining up but… “what she should do”? What she should do is walk out the door. What she does do is walk back to Sophie. Something has shifted between them — how Sophie feels about Dani, maybe. Resigned. Over it. Tired.
On Finley’s end — she’s never known Sophie as a single person. Sophie’s not single, of course, but she’s now not entirely taken, either. Sophie doesn’t feel taken. She feels left behind. So all those needs and all that romantic/sexual energy and all those desires she usually directs at Dani are just free-floating now, ready to be grabbed. This tension started building up last episode and now it’s out there. It’s really out there and every sideways smile and extra favor Finley’s given her today is part love and part “I see you.”
Sophie’s open and she’s sad, and Finley’s a wreck, and in that opening — in that wreck — is something they never noticed before.
Finley’s tone here is something along the lines of “fuck we shouldn’t do this but damn I really fucking want to” and what she says — whispers, really — is what are you doing, buddy. Because Sophie knows that Finley is going to go right along with whatever her buddy is doing — whether that’s going for it or holding back. And so her body goes ahead and does just what her buddy’s is doing, too. Sophie steps closer, leans in.
What are you doing, Finley says, one last time, one last moment for their eyes to meet and change their minds but…. you know. They don’t.
The music plays, the camera recedes, they smash closer to each other and further from frame. There they are in the hallway, experiencing the full weight of a) kissing your best friend b) realizing wow, I really like kissing my best friend? There’s something here? Because it goes from kissing to swallowing real fast.
Finley’s sober. She’s been sober all episode. And Sophie’s not a stranger.
It’s scary and thrilling but… now they’ve both betrayed Dani. Sophie primarily, of course, but she’s Finley’s friend, too.
And Sophie can never go back.
I can though. I watched this scene TEN TIMES like a TEENAGER and I DON’T KNOW WHY. Drew even made me a tiny clip for my phone of “what are you doing buddy” so I can watch it whenever I feel like it. Some of my affection, certainly, is that this storyline wasn’t predictable and wasn’t actively teased (aside from the clip of them dancing at Kit + Denny’s), so it landed a bit differently than those we were prepared for. (I felt the same way about Alice and Dana at the end of Season One.) Some of it is the incredible performances by Jacqueline Toboni and Rosanny Zayas, who have tangible chemistry, who communicate so much in such small movements and so few words. Some of it is its authenticity, and how fucking relatable it is.
But some of it is something else I can’t pinpoint.
SORRY EVERYBODY I’m a Sinley shipper now!
Well, friends — now it’s time for our weekly montage! First up we’ve got Alice drinking on Shane’s deck…
We’ve got Bette and Dani enjoying an adult beverage…
Micah and Jose eating Mom’s weed gummies…
Throughout all this we listen to a truly bananas voicemail from Alice’s alleged girlfriend, Nat, with whom she shared a home and also another girlfriend. Nat apologizes that Alice came home to that, says she doesn’t even know what to say, but that she needs time “to figure out what I’m doing and what I want,” didn’t mean to hurt Alice, and WILL CALL HER IN A FEW DAYS TO MEET UP. What?
A FEW DAYS LATER, AT THE MEET-UP? Sure, why not! Alice rolls up to an airy restaurant, a great place for an intimate conversation about a complicated romantic and sexual relationship involving a D-List celebrity, to find Gigi and Nat looking positively radiant, and bearing good news.
Gigi and Nat and Alice share apologies and acknowledgments of the complicated situation. Everything is seemingly going well so far.
Nat: “I think it brought a lot to the surface that we needed to sort out. And, you know, we’ve spent the last few days — Gigi and I — really getting into our issues and really speaking really honestly which has been really nice?”
Gigi: “And we had a lot of baggage that we were holding onto? But I think we’re better now.”
Alice: “Better?”
Nat: “And now you know, we can be better together, and for you. And I think we can make this work.”
Ah, a perfect situation! All the messiness around Gigi and Nat’s divorce has been sorted, so now this throuple that Alice pushed for can finally thrive. Or…….
Lesbian Squabble #25: I’m Sorry What
In The Ring: Alice vs. Nat & Gigi
Content: Alice is “so glad I could be there to help push you guys towards hashing out your divorce and get you to a really really good place.” She is glad that she was “of use” to them. Was it… better when they were constantly on the verge of an epic battle that’d take into account all battles previously fought and won? “What we’re saying is we want you to come home so WE can work on this,” Gigi emphasizes, still thinking maybe this is just a very weird miscommunication. But then Alice is horrified to hear that Gigi’s been at Nat’s house this whole time. Again, Gigi emphasizes that they want to work things out with Alice. But Alice isn’t having it. The tortilla soup is delivered with two spoons, which is a very cuckoo way to share soup with somebody you’ve probably fisted 48 times in the past decade and maybe even once or twice within the past 48 hours, and Alice is out. She doesn’t feel NEEDED here. She says they look really good together and they don’t need her!
Who Wins? ABSOLUTELY NOT ME
Elsewhere in this fine city, Sophie’s getting her steps in with Maribel while discussing the huge mistake she made: kissing Finley. It’s just that Finley brought her snacks and was with her all day and she was gonna go and Sophie didn’t want her to go and so she kissed her. “I feel like such a piece of shit,” Sophie concludes.
Maribel says she’s not a piece of shit, and asks if she’s gonna tell Dani. Surely Maribel doesn’t think Sophie and Dani should get married. Her whole family’s been edgy around it from the jump, you know? Sophie says she’s not gonna ’cause it’d crush her. And there’s no point, ’cause it’s never gonna happen again, right? Right? Maribel’s not so sure. Right? Sophie asks again. Maribel remains not so sure. Personally… I’m sure. There’s something here. Please make this messy #Sinley chaos happen, Generation Q! Do it for me personally!
Sophie sighs, drinks her coffee. “Fuck.”
In conclusion, let me share this excerpt from our Generation Q Group Chat (containing me, the co-hosts of the Generation Q podcast — Drew Gregory and Analyssa Lopez — and podcast producer Lauren Karen Klein):
Drew: Are we ready for 107 to come out and realize that this group chat is filled with the only Sinley stans
I think people are really gonna be against it
Riese: Oh no
Will this be my shenny
Lauren: Hahahahaha
Drew: Yes
Lauren: How can they be against it!
Riese: I think people will be into it
Dani sucks for Sophie
Lauren: Dani and Sophie suck
Riese: Sophie is great and Finley is at her best when she’s with Sophie
Drew: But people have been way more anti-Finley in general than I expected
Analyssa: I am constantly shocked at how little people like Finley I find her SO charming
Riese: Dani honestly needs to be with a Tina!
The Round Up:
Sexy Moments: 1 this episode, 15 total
Squabbles: 5 this episode, 25 total
Throwbacks: 1 this episode, 21 total
Number of Times I Rewatched a Finley/Sophie Scene: 16 (I’m using “a” instead of “the” here in hopes of manifesting future scenes.)
Quote of the Week: “I’ve been reading her my favorite lesbian love story so that she’ll wake up and yell at me.” – Sophie
