Letter From Your Editors

Hello Skippers!

It’s January, a fine month for black ice and winter premieres of television shows! This month’s photo theme was “your most ambitious selfie.” Good job, everybody!

Well! Welcome back to The Autostraddle Insider, your #1 source for conversations about whether or not Burt’s Bees Hand Salve doubles as chapstick. This past month has been super weird and full of unexpected inconvenience / sadness in many of our personal lives! It’s been an especially big month for plumbers in our homes, as well. But we’re all getting ourselves back together and back to work, ready to conquer 2015. By the way, without the 961 A+ Members we currently have, this website would’ve shut down in November, so thank you, every one. Bless you all!

Riese has been swamped in business-related work lately, and with A-Camp around the corner, that won’t change for a while. It’s a weird cycle: the more people we commit to paying, the more revenue streams we need and the more accounting and business management there is to do — but paying all those people means there’s less money to get anybody besides Riese to do said accounting/business work! There’s never any time to write! But now that she’s back in town, she’s made a Late New Year’s Resolution to try and write/publish a thing at least five days a week (any requests? Hit up the A+ box). Remember when Riese and Rachel had to write something every single day or else there’d be no content on the website? Ah, those were the days. (No they weren’t).

Other exciting happenings this month include us getting nominated for a GLAAD Award for the third time! If we don’t win this year then I don’t know what to tell you. Actually, I do. IT’S BECAUSE OF THE PATRIARCHY.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this month’s A+ content: The eleventh and twelfth issues of the A+ Bee, a whole slew of Invasive Questions answered by your loyal editors, the first and second Masters of Sex Cure Diaries, special guest blogger Dannielle Owens-Reid’s Interview With Her Ex-Girlfriend, our spectacular “All We Want For Christmas Is You” Lip Sync Dance Party AND the first-ever A+ Podcast!

We had very long conversations this month, I HOPE YOU’RE READY.

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

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Top 10 Most Popular Posts From December 2014

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. 9 Totally Normal And Not Gross Things That Happen During Sex We Promise It’s Normal, by Carolyn Yates
2. 21 Amazing Women Who Came Out, Showed Up Or Got Girlfriends in 2014, by Riese Bernard
3. Listling Without Commentary: 26 Excerpts From Negative Yelp Reviews Of Lesbian Bars By Men and Straight People, by Riese Bernard
4. Fool’s Journey: The Fascinating Life of Pamela Colman Smith, by Beth Maiden
5. Butchbaby & Co Brings Maternity Wear Out of The Woman’s Section, by Kaitlyn Jakola
6. The Curious Case of Alex Parks, the Celesbian Who Briefly Was, by Sarah Fonseca
7. How Batgirl #37 Undid a Year and a Half of Positive Trans Representation in a Single Page, by Mey Rude
8. Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holigay Gift Guide 2014: What We Want, by the Team
9. Top 10 Queer and Feminist Books of 2014, by Carolyn Yates
10. Korrasami, Queer Representation and Saying Goodbye To “The Legend of Korra,” by Sindu

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Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Rachel: How is it 6 pm and I still haven’t been able to write this post!
What is time
How do I defeat it in a fight
Laneia: Swords?
Rachel: Maybe I will throw sand in its eyes so it can’t see
that always works in the movies
Riese: Rock salt
That always works on Glee

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Carmen: I just don’t understand
who the fuck gets to go on strike because they want compliments
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU NYPD
Lydia: I’m thinking about it
#tellmeimprettybosses
#noticemyoutfitorImnotcomingtowork
Carmen: Imagine holding a picket sign like
MY BOSS NEVER SAYS MY HAIR LOOKS NICE
Although I do feel more people should devote more time, overall, to marveling at my hair, it just seems a little ludicrous
Lydia: I marvel at it often Carmen
I’ll send more updates
Rachel: Your hair is magnificent carmen please don’t strike
Carmen: I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE
YOUR COMPLIMENTS ARE NOT SINCERE ENOUGH
It’s like I laughed while typing it
idk how these dudes take themselves seriously
Intern Nikki: I’m really glad we are all talking about how amazing Carmen’s hair is despite the social climate we currently live in.
Lydia: Perhaps there should be an interoffice memo re: Carmen Rios’ flawless tresses
Rachel: I’ll put something up on the bulletin board above the copier
Carmen: This is a change I can believe in

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Carmen: Rachel what if you went on a Sleater-Kinney tour of the Northwest
Rachel: I’m gonna make a kickstarter for it
“Help pay for me to go to every SK show! I don’t have tickets to any of them.”
“It’ll probably work out though.”
Alley: Rachel you can have a west coast ticket just for that amazing comment
Rachel: Donation perks are gonna be me tweeting at people from rest stop bathrooms on my journey
Carmen: “Perks: watching me live-tweet attempts to get in”
Donate ten bucks perk: I will ask to stay at your place when I’m in town
If I give 100 bucks will you send me private snapchats from said bathrooms perhaps mirror selfies
Rachel: Yes. Also if I see any people on the street that look kinda like Sleater-Kinney band members I will take pictures with them and send those out to supporters
Cee: I’d contribute to this kickstarter
Carmen: I would give this kickstarter my life savings
Rachel let us know when you launch ok
Cee: Yeah
Rachel: I’ll keep you posted

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Brittani: What if we just did a post celebrating gal pals
and it’s just women making out
like women that are out and have posted pictures themselves on their instagrams
Rachel: Screenshots of queer fisting porn with the genitals blurred out
Brittani: Explicitly sexual things people purposely have put on the internet for people to find
and we just insist that they are best friends
Rachel: Speculate about which man they might be discussing
Laneia: “Gal pals looking for bits of peat moss on each other’s labia. Friends looking out for friends!”
Stef: Autostraddle: Gal-On-Pal Culture
Brittani: A picture of a woman with her ex-gal pal and their children who don’t call each other “brother and sister,” just “friends”
Rachel: A picture of two gal pals who are trying on matching wedding dresses together, in a church, how cute, maybe they’re each other’s maids of honor
Brittani: A gal pal giving birth while her gal pal holds her hand. the baby even has both of their last names so everyone knows they’re legally friends!
Uh-oh! Little Katie she just got kicked out of her house for telling her family she wants to be BFFs with her gal pal forever
Rachel: Really inspiring that that gal pal has stayed by her gal pal’s side while she deals with late stages of a terminal illness, even going so far as to file a power of attorney for her gal pal
Brittani: Yeah I want them to just get darker and darker as the post goes on.
Rachel: Gal Pals Hitting Rock Bottom.

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Audrey: I just told my friend she should come to camp and she had somehow never heard of it. I told her, “five days on a mountain with a bunch of women making crafts and talking about intersectionality and dildos and stuff.” Accurate?
Carmen: Yes
I think that might be the tagline?

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Laneia: How does it still feel too early in the day to really care about things
Rachel: What are you trying to care about
Laneia: Justice, how people feel about men doing or saying things, the dishes.
I’m drinking discounted pecan tea from my woman mug so I’m hoping this helps
like the mug will infuse the tea with fucks
Heather: I didn’t see Laneia’s original message ping through, so all of a sudden I got a notification on my screen that was just Rachel saying “what are you trying to care about” just out of the ether, apropos of nothing. it startled and delighted me!

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Alley: So Portland’s first cat cafe is opening this weekend. RRLYH would you be interested in me covering the opening in a similar fashion to Robin or is one west coast city obsessed with cats enough?
Robin: It is my humble opinion that there can never be enough coverage of cat cafes but I may be extremely biased
Laneia: I would like a cat cafe piece in the style of ARE CAT CAFÉS TAKING OVER THE WORLD?? HOW CAN YOU STAY SAFE AND WHAT SHOULD YOU TELL YOUR OWN CATS?? FIND OUT TONIGHT AT 10.
Robin: ARE CAT CAFES MAKING IT EASIER FOR PEOPLE TO CHEAT ON THEIR OWN CATS?!?
Rachel: What alarming new behaviors are your cats learning from these worldly stranger cats
Robin: Next up, an interview with an owner whose cat RAN AWAY to join a cat cafe
Riese: Followed by an interview with a disgruntled lesbian who hates cats
named Riese
Robin: A roundtable discussion with Riese and several Cat Cafe Rights Activists
Rachel: A dramatic expose that one cat in the cafe is actually a chihuahua with a very long tail who has been mistaken for a cat for months
Robin: “Is Your Cat Really a Dog?? Ten Signs You May Have Missed”
Riese: I wish everybody’s cat was really a dog
Stef: I’d click that
Riese: One of the signs will be “Riese doesn’t hate it”

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Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know one of our newest faces.

Nicole Balcom, Writer

Medium: @thesleepymuse
Instagram: @sleepymuse
Facebook: sleepymuse

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
I don’t use emojis but I do use emoticons, two of which I use on a regular basis: ^_^ and >.<. They are both wonderful and accurately reflect what is actually happening on my face. Then there’s my favorite fun one: Q(‘.’O) — boxing Kirby, which never actually gets used. I guess I would have to say ^_^ since it’s so happy!

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Grilled Cheese, without question, and if it involves brie, bonus points. Other items that may provide bonus points include avocado, tomato, bacon, garlic, roasted red peppers, and more cheese.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
Funny you should ask…that date is the reason I wrote an article for Autostraddle, so I’ll just leave the link here.

What’s your favorite sex toy?
I have zero experience with this, now I feel inadequate >.<

What’s your #1 turn-on?
Self awareness paired with confidence.  If you know who you are, and own it, that’s the best. The. Best.

What’s your #1 turn-off?
Contagious, flesh eating viruses. Do not want.

Aside from that, it would be closed mindedness. If you’re unwilling to consider an argument from another perspective, you’re closing yourself off to greater understanding of an issue.  Even if you don’t agree, it bothers me when people don’t try. Get out of yourself for a bit, you may learn something.

Discussing gender on AS can feel like pulling a pin on a grenade in your own pocket, unfortunately.
– Rachel Kincaid, talking to Carmen about her Rebel Girls on Gender Theory

AUTOBLOW

 

We receive a lot of weird e-mails around here, but this past week we really lucked out with an email regarding Slap Happy, “the Swiss Army knife of vibrators” also described as “the new flat bendable vibrator for women and couples.” This product “came on the heels of inventor Brian Sloan’s successfully crowdfunded Autoblow 2, the world’s first realistic robotic oral sex simulator for men.”

Conversation #1: Senior Editors Room

Laneia: This is from a PR email about a vibrator designed, apparently, by a man:
“After launching the Autoblow 2 for men, I wanted to make something for women, because I like women. If I had a vagina, I wouldn’t really enjoy the fact that I had to buy 10 different vibrators to get the job done. “
Riese: UMMMM… what?
What did his girlfriend tell him about vibrators
I mean, batteries maybe. But actual vibrators?
Does he really imagine women like, swapping out vibrators ten times
“To get the job done”
Laneia: Or stuffing 10 different ones in all the holes
Heather: Well that sounds awful
Riese: “Thank you for the prologue, rabbit, now my pocket rocket will be here for act two, saving the fancy german one for the encore”
Rachel: Laneia you didn’t even tell her the name of the vibrator
Laneia: Are y’all ready for the name of the vibrator
Rachel’s gonna tell you
Rachel: I’m gonna whisper it so that it’s not too much for you
it’s called
slaphappy
Yvonne: ahhhhh!
Riese: Oh wow
I can’t decide if that is the worst or the best
Rachel: I bet if you asked this guy
he would love to tell you
Yvonne: I think i got that email too!
Then he started following me on twitter
Laneia: Yes you all got it, including our mods and interns!
Rachel: ME TOO
Laneia: Which like why bring Kaylah into this what did she ever do to you
Rachel: Do you think he’s gonna be upset when he finds out we don’t just tweet about vibrators all day

Conversation #2: Sex & Relationships Channel

Carolyn: Hi everybody, l I have a sex toy for you
Stef: WHAT
Carmen: Oh yeah?
Riese: IS IT A HARNESS
CAN I HAVE IT
Stef: LOL
Carmen: DAMN YOU BEAT ME
Stef: WE’RE AMAZING
None of us have ever replied to anything so fast
Carolyn: Wait stay tuned
Rachel: Is it a slap happy
Riese: Is it a vibrator for women
Stef: THERE’S A WHAT
Carolyn: Maybe I will share the marketing copy for the slap happy
because oh god
Stef: IS IT IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM (RUNS)
Riese: I hope it takes less than ten vibrators to get the job done
Rachel: We were just having the conversation about the slaphappy in the senior eds thread
There’s a lot to work through there
Carolyn: “I made something that rolled the functionality of a drawer full of vibrators into one small toy,” said Sloan.
This toy is not that toy!
It’s this one – “the first fully inclusive sex toy”
Rachel: There is finally a solution to my DRAWER FULL OF VIBRATORS
Riese: What if I want the Autoblow 1
Carolyn: I mean
Rachel: What will I use my vibrator drawer for now? Socks? Zines? Anal beads?
Riese: Can you ask him if there’s gonna be an Autoblow 3
and if so, can I get on the waitlist
Rachel: What about the Vibrator Shed I have out back? Does he have anything to help with that
Riese: You could rent it out on air bnb
Laneia: RIESE THE AUTOBLOW 1 ISN’T IN PRODUCTION ANYMORE
Riese: WAIT WHAT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE AUTOBLOW 1
Laneia: I’m guessing it bit him?
You know they think they don’t want teeth, but they do
Rachel: The autoblow 1 is just a vacuum Riese
You already have one I think
Riese: I think my vacuum is broken though
but I did just get a new dustbuster
Carolyn: Also I’m confused about how it “can also be used for spanking” and the shape of that toy is a plus
like I could just hit someone with almost any current sex toy but that doesn’t mean it’d be a good idea
Rachel: Could you slap them happy though
Riese: I could slap someone something, that’s for sure
I feel like we need a graphic of somebody with ten vibrators to get the job done
Rachel: Someone buried in a storage container of vibrators
Laneia: OMG like the infomercials where the lady is killed by her cabinet full of tupperware
Rachel: Someone steering a small wooden rowboat across a sea of vibrators towards the distant shore that is the slaphappy
Laneia: Like “What ughhh! How do I vibrate myself with all of these vibrators AT ONCE???! :falls:”
Carolyn: The oars are also vibrators
Laneia: Then she’s in a snuggie masturbating with a tub of Breyer’s ice cream
Stef: Wow I closed this window at the wrong time

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Flashback: When We Thought We Were Gonna Start A Whole Video Wing Called Autio/Video But Instead Really Just Did Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office

Things take a long time to do, it turns out.

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Some Answers To Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us

Do you have burning questions about what the fuck is going on around here, Doris? Ask us — just use the A+ priority contact form in your sidebar.

Wondered this morning if I could put almond butter in my coffee and thought it would be a good follow-up to Laneia’s eggnog-coffee situation if anyone has any advice
“Hello it’s me, Laneia. I think you should put the almond butter in your coffee and then livetweet/IG the experience using the hashtags #almondbuttercoffee and #autostraddle. Encourage people to try it with you and also hashtag their situations. I’m very extremely serious about this. I don’t have any almond butter or I’d try it myself. Feel like I would prefer a cashew butter but who can afford it?”

I need some fashion help! my wife and I are going to a wedding this summer. Can I get a summer suit buying guide?
We have sent this request onto our fashion editor, Lydia! Also we’ve published quite a few things about what to wear to weddings that you could check out:

• The Wedding Wear tag
• The Masculine-of-Center Fashion tag
• Queer Your Wedding Wardrobe: For Shorties And Butch Bridesmaids
• Queer Your Wedding Wardrobe: Last-Minute Grooms, Center of Center, Boi-Girls & Classy Cocktail Dresses
• Queer Your Wedding Wardrobe: Finding Your MOC-Style & Dressing in Dresses
• Queer Your Wedding Wardrobe: The Fashion Doctor Is In
• Queer Your Wedding Wardrobe: Real dapperQ East Coast Wedding Style

I have a question! I didn’t realize until I was looking at my account and signing up for A+ that our usernames are displayed. I’m never going to get any autostraddle dates!! haha, seriously, is there a way to change one’s username? Thanks!!
Rachel’s username is “internrachel” and she got married last year, so don’t worry!

Is there a specific time that A-Camp registration will be opening on the 27th? I’m in Europe and am totally prepared to stay up all night to catch it, just want to be prepared.
Well, it depends on when I finish writing it! So you know, like anywhere between 11am PST and 5pm PST. Hopefully the former, ’cause I’ll be stressed if it’s the latter.

How quickly does registration for A-Camp tend to fill up? Flights from London are super-cheap right now but I don’t want to book them if there’s a chance of camp places running out within a few minutes and me missing them because I wasn’t online at the right time!
It usually fills up within 2-3 days, and then people can add themselves to the waitlist. If you’re on the waitlist there’s a really good chance you’ll get in.

Hello Riese and other Re-Camping People (esp. Riese tho),

I have never been to A-Camp and thus I have never read a Re-Camp before because I was scared it would make me feel left out or some such. But after all the hype in all the Autostraddle Insider issues/editions, I couldn’t not read this one, and I really liked it! It was fun to hear more about the staff doing their thing and see pictures of Riese and Rachel who are the bestest. And I am very jealous / excited for everyone who attended the Mountaintop Bisexual Discussion Group and Hummus Appreciation workshop. Also I do not like pranks even a little bit, but I was barely stressed out at all reading about them in this article, which is proof you are all magical beings. Good job, everyone!

Anyway, what I am trying to say, Riese, is that I my opinion this ReCamp was worth the wait, and has maybe convinced me that going to A-Camp is worth the airfare from Canada. So well done, and thank you.

Love dragonsnap
YOU’RE VERY WELCOME! I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AT CAMP.

What happened to the little blurb under articles about bisexuality that said any biphobic comments like all bisexuals are cheaters etc will be deleted? I liked it.
Much like bisexuality itself, we have relegated it to invisibility. JUST KIDDING I don’t know, probably somebody forgot to put it on.

OMG AND fred armison and natasha lyonne are daitng!! so its not girl-on-girl but they can go on double dates with carrie brownstein and taylor schilling
What do you think they’ll do first? I think they’ll do a haunted hayride, and then they’ll have a sundae at Friendly’s, and then make friendship bracelets on the beach.

I have approximately zero interest in beauty products and I love This Shit Rules, I read it religiously! Though I am now worried that everyone is more involved in their Skin Health TM than I am… is there anyone who will be very low key?
I can speak only for myself when I say that I am not low key. But maybe somebody else will be.

I’ve been reading your glee recaps for YEARS over breakfast. Are you going to be sad when this whole trainwreck ends?
Hell no! I’m so excited! It’s like a tiny angel is handing me a basket full of time!

Hello! I’ve noticed lately that my OkCupid seems to have died out, and everyone’s on Tinder? Are you folks seeing the same thing? I was wondering whether a straddlers guide to tinder was a possibility at all?
Here’s your guide to Tindr: STEF SCHWARTZ AND BRITTANI NICHOLS. Just kidding! Once upon a time, we did a great article about Tinder entitled Everybody F*cking Hates Tinder And We Are All Going To Die Alone, you should check that out.

Hey, are you planning on getting the red scissoring sweatshirt in more sizes?
We were planning on it and then we DID IT.

I have been sitting here with this turkey baster for like months where is the motherhood roundtable! (jk take your time y’all are busy i am just excited xoxo)
This is 100% Laneia’s fault. Maybe in the meantime we should all learn how to baste turkeys. [Laneia’s Note: I’M SORRY YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE SHAME AND GUILT I FEEL ABOUT THIS. I LOVE YOU PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP ON ME.]

Is there any way y’all put a circle around people’s head like the A+ ones, but in brown, for people who pour shitty attitudes all over every post they comment on? I mean every single fucking post! It can be our little secret. Please?
I think it would be cooler if it was like glittery and 3-D and played 98 Degrees b-sides when you hovered over it

Agent Carter recaps? I solemnly swear to comment on every. single. one.
Oh man, I have not even heard of this show! Is it like “The Carter Documentary”?

riese you really think adnan did it now? ugh i just don’t know.
Dude, I really thought he was innocent even though Abby thought he was guilty, but when I read Jay’s first interview on The Intercept, that was the first story I’d heard that made sense. The story we’d heard on the podcast that was allegedly Jay’s story didn’t make sense, and Adnan’s story also didn’t make sense. But the story Jay told in his first interview did make sense and a lot of puzzle pieces suddenly clicked. That being said, Jay was a total asshole in his next two interviews and why are they so obsessed with destroying Sarah Koennig just for doing her job.

I am slightly drunk right now but I just wanted to tell y’all that I LOVE YOU also I am finding it hard to quit typing things to people in all caps because I just spent 3 hours watching The Bachelor season premiere also some frat boys yelled something at me out of a pickup truck today while I was walking home from work and I think they yelled “dyke” but anyway the point is I love Autostraddle and y’all make me feel so much less alone and so much more like I belong here and now. SO THANK YOU
You’re welcome! I hope those boys stubbed their toes later on and that everybody on The Bachelor decides to go lez and have sex with each other. They have such nice beds, it’s such a waste!

Can someone recap Girltrash now that it’s on netflicks? Can I recap Girltrash now that its on netflicks?
I LOVE HOW YOU SPELLED NETFLIX SO MUCH THAT I ALMOST WANT TO RECAP FOR YOU BUT THEN I REMEMBERED THAT I DIDN’T REALLY LIKE IT THAT MUCH BUT I DID LIKE IT ENOUGH TO INCLUDE IT IN THIS POST ABOUT EIGHT LESBIAN MOVIES YOU HAVEN’T SEEN YET.

how come there has been no coverage of taylor schilling/carrie brownstein dating rumors???? OR carrie brownstein/st vincent dating rumors?????????? OR carrie brownstein/ellen page friendship??????????
This is 100% Stef’s fault. You should tweet at her about it.

Happy new year, Autostraddle writers! Thank you so much for writing so many heartfelt words this year. I hope 2015 is an even better year for you, and that you achieve everything you want to. Also I would really appreciate it if you would do another photo gallery of girls in tank tops, I’m pretty sure that was my root :)
Awww, thank you, that’s so lovely! I’m wearing a tank top right now, FYI.

Oh hai! So I made this redick parody of “My Drunk Kitchen” tonight. If you could somehow let it find it’s way to Hannah Hart, that would be hilarious. She might giggle? Also feel free to pass amongst yourselves. But not so much to the general public. Since my youtube appears to contain my entire fucking name and I’m way too drunk too deal with that right now. Remember General Public though? Me either. I think they had a song though. Link
I don’t remember General Public, is that like the war commander of the public? If so I think that should be my job. My first move would be to declare world peace.

Heyyyyy so I was just wondering if there were any plans to make a scissoring sweatshirt in a lady cut? I was looking at alternative apparel and their Dash Eco-Fleece Sweatshirt basically looks like sweatshirt nirvana to me. Men’s cuts generally make me look super frumpy because of boobs? ANYWAY thank you I love you your hair looks great have a lovely day.
I didn’t even know there was a such thing as a women-cut sweatshirt? I’ve never bought one myself but also I have a very boyish body. I think it’s easier for people to know their sizes in unisex which’s good so that things don’t have to get mailed back, etc.

This is more of a ‘wish-box’ than a ‘priority contact box’ sort of thing, but if y’all did some sort of Tori Amos Appreciation Club thing like you had with Ani, I would share it on every social media platform known to woman, and praise to the heavens also. You could maybe even have Sady Doyle co-write it? Just spit-balling here :P Love always, dragonsnap
I’m into this!

Whatever happened to the commenter ‘terracottatoes’? they used to comment so often. sometimes I wonder this and don’t know why.
I think she’s having a garden party or a quilting bee with Sapphicsass and Jen The Jew. I hope you all realize that when you disappear, we MISS YOU.

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MINI-INTERVIEW WITH AN EDITOR: STEF, MUSIC EDITOR

What do you do in your job?
I’m the music editor, which means I oversee all the music-related content on the website. I’ve also self-appointed myself the vapid fluff editor, which means any time we have a ridiculous story that involves celebrities doing things, I’m all over it. Lately that’s been getting a lot more attention than our music coverage, but I’ve got big plans for 2015.

What is your vision for the section?
I was the music editor when we first launched in 2009, took a break for a few years and then came back. I was pretty surprised when I returned and the site’s audience was a lot bigger. My goals have changed a lot over time; I’m less focused on talking about brand new artists than I am about artists I’m really genuinely excited about. Music’s a tough one – my taste is all over the map, but by no means am I an expert on every single performer each individual reader is into. I really think music pieces are best if they’re written by someone who’s actually really passionate about the artist.

What would be your dream pitch?
I have been trying to interview both Laura Jane Grace and Angel Haze for-fucking-ever, and there have been so many close encounters! So far, no dice. If you are reading this and you happen to be one of those people, I would be thrilled to receive a phone call.

Beyond that, I mostly just want to make the music section really, really weird.

What’s the hardest part?
Knowing everything about everything! I don’t always listen to music that’s specifically queer, but I’m always branching out and trying to find new things. I’ve learned a lot. I still don’t like Tegan and Sara. Sorry, that’s the hardest part: having to write about Tegan and Sara. That’s how much I love this website. (Sorry! I still love you!)

Favorite online writer/editor / or like your hero?
I’m just gonna say Brittani Nichols and leave it at that.

What do you wish people understood about your job?
That I’m not (former music editor, current HR svengali) Crystal. We may both be white people with black hair who wear a lot of black but we’re two different people, I swear. I even made this infographic a couple of years ago (which is no longer accurate in some respects, but gets the point across):

Favorite snack to eat while working?
My creative energy comes in spurts. If I’m writing a post, usually it’s in a frantic rush of energy and I don’t have time to put food in my face or even listen to background music lest I lose my focus. I guess just coffee? All of the coffee.

What would be the song that a montage of you doing your job would be set to?
Sometimes it feels like the Benny Hill theme, but that isn’t a very sexy answer. I’m gonna go with the song I’m listening to right now, which is “Boom Swagger Boom” by the Murder City Devils, a song that is in no way about typing articles in your pajamas.

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Your Monthly Infographic About You

We did an Autostraddle reader survey this summer and found out a lot of shit about you. Here’s one of those things.

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GRAVITY BITCH

 

Stef: GUYS I JUST DRILLED SOMETHING INTO THE WALL AND I DON’T EVEN THINK IT’S GONNA FALL AND KILL ME
can somebody give me some butch points
Kaitlyn: Omg Stef I’m so proud
Stef: A straight girl had to teach me how to do this fyi
Kaitlyn: Maybe I will buy a drill and follow in your footsteps this weekend
Stef: I’ve been to the home depot a lot lately
I feel really transformed
Kaitlyn: What did you hang?
Stef: A hook for a guitar! But I have three more
and I don’t have an extension cord for the drill so now I need to get that
Alley: “I’ve been to Home Depot a lot lately” really sounds like a euphemism
Stef: Welp
Kaitlyn: RT Alley
Stef: I’m really into home improvement because i am powerless at everything else so
I built a spice rack
and some shelves
Maddie: A spice rack!!!
That seems like it would be hard
Stef: It was really easy, I did the same thing I did at my last place which was drill some sheet metal into the bottom of one of my kitchen cabinets
and then put little magnets in the tops of all my spices
and boom, counter space
Maddie: Woah
Stef: GRAVITY BITCH

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January Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Januarys Riese thinks you might enjoy.

The Prop 8 Trial Recaps (2010), by Rachel Kincaid – This is still some of the best work we’ve ever done, and I’m not just saying that ’cause I stayed up ’til 4am every night during this trial because Rachel had stayed up ’til midnight writing the recaps and then I’d edit, format, add pictures, and usher the final product into the world. These are just so so so good, and I hope one day are used in history class.

Top Ten Sweatpants (2011), by Riese Bernard – This is one of the most important things I have ever written. The caption on the picture of me in yoga pants was taken from a commenting thread on The Awl that had devolved into talking about how the whole article was obviously just a front for the author to share pictures of herself in yoga pants. NOT TRUE.

Top Ten Things You Can Carry In Cargo Pants Pockets (2012), by Grace Ellis – This is one of the most important things Grace has ever written. Obviously January is a month when we all have a lot of feelings about our pants.

Having Fun At A Gay Bar 101 (2012), by Lizz Rubin – “Have really low expectations leading up the going out. I don’t mean right before you leave, I mean all week. All month if you don’t go out too much. Really really really low expectations.”

Playlist: The Most Beautiful Song In The World (2013), by Laura Wooley – I bet you can’t pick just one! This is really lovely ’cause there’s a playlist and also so many comments full of beautiful song suggestions. You’ll never have to listen to another ugly song in your life!

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OPTIMIST PRIME

Intern Cecelia: Your speed posting that same-sex marriage post on facebook was unbelievably impressive, it was posted before I saw it anywhere on facebook. Intern cheerleader here & proud to be on a team that always breaks important news first
Carmen: Rachel is a wizard and I am extremely caffeinated IT’S KISMET
Rachel: Collectively we are a MACHINE I am so proud to work with all of you and form the terrifying gay Optimus Prime that is Autostraddle
Cameron: Can Raquel photoshop that
Rachel: Maybe onto one of those motivational posters
like an eagle fighting a bear or something
and then also the bear is a transformer
with an Alternative Lifestyle Haircut
Cameron: So, I’ll just draw that out then. Yeah?
Audrey: I can tell having the cartoonists in slack is going to improve the richness of our lives in innumerable ways.
Alley: Agreed!
Nikki: #terrifyinggayoptimistprime I love everyone here.
Hannah: Pessimus Prime
Cameron: Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagigaytion:

 

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Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

1. Burials in the Mist of Dawn, by Mónica Teresa Ortiz

I hadn’t read much about the events in Ayotzinapa, and if you are also not super read up on it, you need to read this. If you ARE read up on it, you also need to read this, because it’s devastating and beautiful, and also because it does an incredible job highlighting the disturbing fault lines of power, money and violence that connect Ayotzinapa to the US, to Ferguson, to your life.

2. Listening to the Living and the Dead: Ruminations on Justice for Leelah Alcorn, by b. binaohan

I really appreciated everything about this piece, as it can be frustrating working online and seeing conversations (and sometimes even entire movements or campaigns) organize around ideas of justice without ever really articulating what that would look like, or what concrete results our actions hope to achieve, and this was really sobering in an excellent way in that respect. If you don’t read this you are a dumb dumb, sorry.

3. Broken Windows is On Hiatus: Community Interventions We Can Enact Now for Real Justice, by Hannah Hodson

This is related to our previous conversation right up there! Many of us — myself included — know that the prison industrial complex is bad, but feel hazy on what other options are out there, or what other solutions we can invoke. If you have ever felt that way then THIS IS YOUR POST. You’re welcome.

4. Ferguson and Community Trauma: Defining Peace for Ourselves, by Helen McDonald

This is such a smart and empathetic and powerful exploration of the ways that the current campaigns of violence and the pushback against them have real impacts on real people’s lives, and the ways in which oppression and resistance map onto the day to day life of so many Americans. A must-read, for real.

5. Queer Women-Owned Farm Startup Gets Funded by Women Angel Group, No Male Capital Needed, by Robin Yang

I am biased about this one because I am employed at and my personal and economic future is tied to a women-owned company with no male capital. But also, hey, you’re here helping to fund one, so you are probably interested in these economic eddies and flows as well! This does a really great job outlining exactly how and why it’s so difficult for women-owned startups to succeed, and for women to fund other women-owned businesses in the same way that men also fund male-owned businesses. While that information isn’t necessarily new, this is hopeful and refreshing in that it elucidates that it can, you know, be done. Phew. Check it out.

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Lydia’s Pick of the Month

Handsome and lovely folks, I’ve found the easiest way to leave the house in (essentially) PJs. Let me show the wonder of ponte pants. From what I’ve gathered, ponte is essentially a stretchy but durable jersey, made of spandex, polyester and rayon. It’s thick enough to avoid awkward underwear moments but also elastic enough to feel like you left the house with no bottoms.

Here’s what I am getting at: Ponte pants create that #blessed no pants feeling while, somehow, wearing pants. Yoga pants, sans yoga. Pair some ponte pants with a duster coat (my other current lazy must have) and you’ll be lookin’ awesome and feeling oh-so-chill. Bonus round? A scissoring crewneck under the duster and over your Ponte! Pull on some Chelsea boot and call it a day. Who GON’ stop you?

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Carolyn’s Sex Toy Recommendation Of The Month

The first harness I ever used was a strappy leather number that was only as sexy and comfortable as once falling over while putting it on might suggest. That’s nothing against the Aslan, which is a pretty fantastic leather harness if you like leather harnesses and which will always live fondly in my heart, but I’m pretty glad that underwear-style harnesses exist and the option to machine wash isn’t the only reason.

The Tomboi harness from Spareparts is my favorite. It looks good and its quick-drying fabric feels nice to touch. It’s comfortable to wear and to have against you if you’re not wearing it.

The RodeOh has sexier marketing but doesn’t give you as much control, tends to stretch out over time and has an o-ring that is just a little bit too high. The Tomboi feels more controlled, has a lower o-ring and has a pocket for a small vibrator. (It’s also one of the harnesses we recommend for trans women).

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Social Media Superstars

Six weeks ago, we went all in on a new social media strategy we hoped would help us engage better/more with y’all, and it has been an enormous success! We’re hearing from you more; we’re seeing that you’re hearing us more clearly; and we’ve managed to spread the gospel further than we’d even imagined in such a short amount of time. We’ve gained 7,000 Twitter followers. Our Facebook stats are leading the way to a — no joke — 7,000% increase in social media clicks. And, thanks to you, our content sharing on Facebook has quadrupled! It’s pretty dang exciting. To celebrate our collective triumph, we’ve collected a few of our favorite tweets from the last several weeks.

Moar Christmas! Got my @autostraddle femmes secret santa gift in the mail and look it's so cute! cc @ghostdrive pic.twitter.com/poq8ZxyLcg

— dazyndara (@dazyndara) January 11, 2015

https://twitter.com/gfowler23/status/552366835077636096

my mom told me she saw a picture of kristen stewart wearing my exact outfit like duh mom we probably both read autostraddle

— dyke fieri (@tremendo__culo) January 5, 2015

Trying to pick an @autostraddle username. This is hard enough without @heatherfro offering suggestions like "you could be Sylvia Pankhurst!"

— Dr Kat Gupta (@mixosaurus) January 2, 2015

I just watched the @autostraddle A+ “All I Want For Christmas Is You” video and I can’t stop smiling.

— Worst Year, Gayer Nic (@CloneNic) December 29, 2014

"My mom called me last night because I still haven't sent her any gift ideas for you." Tell her I want the @autostraddle scissor sweatshirt

— Lucy Hallowell (on hiatus) (@lucyhallowell) December 17, 2014

Actual sweatshirt I now own… Thanks, @autostraddle! #scissorandsweat #autostraddlemerch pic.twitter.com/Pt5BGNZ1lg

— Linsey Jenae (@LinseyJenae) December 9, 2014

Thanks @autostraddle for the classy christmas music. Now i must make christmas cookies. http://t.co/tHoSHo01M5

— Anaïs BD (@anaisbd) December 5, 2014

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XOXO Team Autostraddle