Letter From Your Editors
It is April (hell, tomorrow is May) and that means spring have sprung and things are growing from the ground. Some of those things are flowers, and here we are holding them or otherwise standing near them with our faces! What a time!
You are correct. The theme was ‘things that smell good!
Top: Anya / Carmen / Nicole / Dani / Drew
Middle: Heather / Kayla / Laneia / Casey / Ro
Bottom: Shelli / Tracy and Mia / Vanessa
So, the first time it happened this month, the first time it was only 6 p.m. EST on a workday that usually goes for at least another two hours for me, but there was no point in working anymore because everyone’s mind had short-circuited — it was April 12th, the day that Bitch Media announced that after 25 years, they were closing.
Working in media, you get used to publications closing — often abruptly and leaving their staff in precarious positions of being less than one paycheck away from making rent (more on that in a second). But of course, Bitch felt different. Because Bitch feels like us. Bitch has a membership program like us, Bitch fundraises to stay alive like us, Bitch publishes thoughtful feminist writing about pop culture from emerging writers no one else is giving a chance to… you see the pattern here. And you’ll also notice that even now, two weeks later, I can’t bring myself to refer to Bitch in the past tense.
I got my first subscription to Bitch when I was 13 years old, from my mom’s best friend who never missed a chance to teach me “feminism” in that very 90s way of power suits and riot grrrls. I didn’t… love it, we can be honest here. Because I was 13 and I wanted to read glossy pages about pop stars that were teaching me to hate my body. But! I never stopped reading it. I grew into it. And more than once, since taking over this job, I’ve thought back to that time and wondered about the universe — who would’ve known our paths would cross again this way?
Bitch IS us.
The second time it happened this month, the second time it was now only 4pm EST on a workday that usually goes for at least another four hours for me, but there was no point in working anymore because everyone’s mind had short-circuited — it was just this past Thursday, when the “culture and trends” staff of Netflix’s brand new, only months old, digital magazine that you’ve probably still never heard of called Tudum, were all unceremoniously let go.
Netflix specifically and methodically went after some of the most leading minds and big personalities working in queer and feminist and POC media. Some of whom left union jobs, some of whom left indie media jobs (not unlike ours) where the amount of work expected for the pay is unhealthy and unsustainable. They were courted and all promised wages that writers and editors in a broken media landscape haven’t seen in decades. Then they were let go before even fulfilling the first year of their contract. The majority of them were given only two weeks severance. The majority of those who were let go were women of color, queer people, and honestly — our friends and colleagues.
On Thursday night, in trying to wrap my head around this month, I told a friend: Every single person I personally know in media, who is not currently working at Autostraddle, is right now unemployed.
It’s hard not to feel like you’re on a shrinking island. It’s hard not to wonder out loud, “Well, what’s making us different? Are we next?”
We have had a lot of those conversations this month. We’ve had them as a senior team, our writers have had them in slack — we’ve all just been people trying to figure out this sobering, bewildering, month together. Bitch Media’s staff wrote beautifully and vulnerably on Twitter of their impossibly long hours where every person on senior staff is doing two or three jobs (check), they wrote of the difficulty to fundraise again and again during a pandemic (check check), of how hard it is to find audience for your work when white cishet billionaire controlled algorithms stand between you and the people you most want to reach (check check check).
The writers at Netflix’s Tudum talked about looking for an escape, a chance to maybe just.. pay off credit card debt for once. To finally build something like a small retirement. To have reliable, decent healthcare. I’ll very likely never pay off my student loans, but I’m so grateful that I know where my healthcare is coming from. And that’s because of A+ members like you.
The Autostraddle staff is not special, compared to our colleagues at Bitch. We work just as hard. We face the same obstacles. We could just as easily one day not be here. But we are still here — and that’s because of A+ members like you. We are never as stable as anyone thinks we are (don’t look behind the curtain), but we do have a leadership team that believes in sustainability and are always working towards those goals. Nicole, Anya, Riese, and Laneia work their ass off every day to raise money and make every dollar stretch. This month Nicole got in their car and drove hours just to make sure a sponcon deal didn’t fall through. Anya and I also spent hours so she could learn our editorial calendar and social media process for the first time, to ensure smooth brand campaigns. Riese and Kayla flew cross-country. Riese and Nicole wrote sponsored posts, Riese and I edited those posts, Riese and Anya met with lawyers. Laneia created an entire new invoice systems for new writers (they start on Monday!). Heather helped build brand proposals and re-imagined how we do our television recaps to support the A+ program. Everybody is hustling.
No one ever wants to have to write the letter that this thing we’ve all built together — us, and you, and our writers, illustrators, tech team — is gone. That we’ve run out of track for the train. It’s always a whisper, of what could happen, somewhere in the back behind my ear. This month, it was a roar.
For all of us, it was a roar.
More than ever, I want to thank you for supporting independent queer media with your dollars and your care. Thank you for showing up when we ask, because I gotta tell you — every single time, it’s so scary to ask. Thank you for being our community and the reason we are still here.
SO YEAH! That’s what’s going on this month! I apologize if it’s a bit of a downer, but there’s a silver lining — and that silver lining is you. Let’s see what A+ content we published this month to share our thanks. There were two advice boxes: general advice and all about money problems. We also published three roundtables: how we’re coping with the push to “go back to normal” in an ongoing pandemic, what are our worst roommate experiences, and what are our thoughts about orgasms — I have to say all three are excellent! Our writers did THAT! Our senior team also got together and answered some questions you’ve been asking us.
Finally Nicole (who you all know and love) wrote the shit out of this personal essay, edited by Kayla, and I hope if you read one piece of A+ content this month, it is this, because it is magnificent — Between Orbits: Two Manipulators, Pulled Out of Abuse and Back.
We Really Love You,
Carmen / Riese / Nicole / Laneia / Kayla / Heather / Anya
Top 10 Most Popular Posts From March 2022
These posts were hella popular last month.
1. The “Gentleman Jack” Season 2 Trailer is Lesbian Fire, by Heather
2. Pop Culture Fix: Generation Q’s Arienne Mandi (Dani!) Is Gaying Up Hallmark Movies Now, by Heather
3. Gillian Anderson and Lily Rabe are Queer Loves Eleanor and Hick in Showtime’s “The First Lady,” by Heather
4. Boobs on Your Tube: Amelia and Hot Doctor Kai Had One of the Hottest Dates in Grey’s History, by the TV Team
5. Have You Considered…. Angelina Jolie in the 90s?, by Carmen
6. That Time Holland Taylor Told Gillian Anderson to Keep Her Hands Off Sarah Paulson’s Ass, by Heather
7. March 2022: What’s New & Gay on Netflix, Hulu, Peacock, HBO Max & Amazon Prime Video, by Riese
8. Quiz: Which Top Chef Would Chef Top You?, by Shayna Maci
9. No Filter: So Of Course I Had About 6,000 Options to Choose From the Niecy Nash/Jessica Betts Essence Shoot, by Christina
10. Pop Culture Fix: You Can Wear Whatever You Want to Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe’s Lebsian Wedding, by Heather
Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations
Kayla: speaking of holiday-specific food, easter is the one day a year where kristen is in charge of dinner lol and she makes a ham casserole from her childhood. i can’t wait for ham casserole this weekend
Laneia: what is in this ham casserole
Nicole: ham casserole!
Laneia: hammerole
cassam
Nicole: we often had “Polish sausage” on holidays, which while the Polish word is “kielbasa” for any sausage I feel like my family called it “Polish sausage” to differentiate that it was a different kind of sausage than American kielbasa
very curious about this casserole’s makeup
Kayla: ham casserole is ham steak cut into chunks + frozen diced potatoes (WHICH ARE WEIRDLY HARD TO FIND THESE DAYS. EVERYONE WANTS A TOT OR A HASHBROWN AND THESE ARE DIFFERENT. I’M GONNA HAVE TO GO TO MULTIPLE PUBLIXES TO FIND PROBABLY) + sharp cheddar cheese + cream of celery soup + sour cream
[an update from Kayla: I in fact had to go to four different grocery stories (two Publixes, a Milam’s Market, and a Wynn-Dixie) to find frozen diced potatoes]
Kayla: i have this paprika and i LOVE it
Riese: i legitimately cannot recall ever consuming a spice
growing up
Kayla: burlap & barrel spices are great in general
that smoked paprika can give things almost a smoked meat or bacon flavor
Nicole: as a vegetarian, smoked paprika is 👌
Laneia: i don’t remember anyone ever using like a fresh garlic when i was younger
omg it was emeril who intro’d me to garlic now that i’m thinking about it
Riese: it is 50 thousand degrees in los angeles
Nicole: ew
Anya: it’s 62 and sunny in ny and everyone is freaking out
Riese: it’s so hot and it smells like garbage
Anya: sounds like summer in brooklyn!
Riese: it does have the vague feeling of a new york city heat wave yes
due to the amount of garbage
Anya: the smell of garbage in nyc is truly something else
nothing like it
the big apple 🥰
Nicole: oh my god it’s 94!
this is why I am never moving to LA
Riese: it’s gonna be 66 on monday i can’t wait
i’ve been sleeping in the living room bc my bedroom is so hot and there’s no AC so i feel ilke i have the apartment of a sick person right now with like pillows and blankets everywhere it is chaos
Kayla: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: genuinely love hearing about the weather/temps in other cities
everyone can feel free to give me their weather report ANYTIME
Laneia: my high today is
97
Kayla: oh no
Laneia: illegal and yet
Kayla: sorry to report it’s sunny and 79 in miami
with relatively low humidity for here
Laneia: omg actually perfect weather AND A VIEW OF THE OCEAN
AND LOLA
Kayla: lola is indeed sleeping outside
Nicole: Gray, drizzly and 45 in Pgh
Laneia: one day i’ll live somewhere with rain again and i’ll probably hate it
but until then i will envy it
Riese: i miss rain
Nicole: rain’s the best
love her
Riese: i keep tabs on everybody’s weather:
Kayla: My next It’s Time To Get Into food column is about store bought “alt pickles” aka pickled things other than standard pickles. If anyone has grocery store pickle questions lmk
Laneia: i would like to know how long i should be keeping the ‘fresh’ cucumber pickles that i get, the ones in the little plastic storage containers — LIKE HOW LONG IS TOO LONG is there a limit am i breeding botulism
but maybe this is a question for google instead
Kayla: Hahahhahaa I think the answer is that technically they won’t go bad but the texture changes kinda quickly for fresh pickles. They’ll be mushy instead of snappy after like two weeks
Laneia: ftr this is what i made for my canva test with kayla
Riese: that’s really nice laneia
Laneia: wait til you see kaylas!
Riese: i can’t wait!
i didn’t know today was art fair day
Kayla:
interestingly we inadvertently told a similar ~color story
Riese: wow!!!! that’s beautiful
carol loves it
Laneia: winona hates them both
Anya: hello just a random thought on IG copy — do we need to add like “click the link in bio to read the full article”
Riese: yes
Anya: OK!
how’s this: “Click the link in bio for the full article!”
Riese: honestly anya
pure poetry
Anya: what can i say
i’m a poet
Riese: your soul is shining through on the page!!!!!
Anya: thank you!!!!
i added it right before the caption/copy attribution
Riese: <3 i could not imagine a more perfect place for that copy to live <3
Laneia: lets do a food diary for anne lister
Riese: that sounds cute like the American Girl cookbook but for anne lister
(which i loved)
probs she eats like whole quails
Laneia: even the tail, just to prove an insufferable point
Drew: Thank you for the image of Suranne Jones unhinging her jaw like a snake and swallowing a quail.
Carmen: ok i just got off the nbc thing and HEATHER DID SO GREAT/ WE DID SO GREAT/ IT WAS GREAT but also now my heart is pounding out of my chest because I had to be on a zoom in front of 100 people for 30 minutes and talk… so I’m gonna walk the block to collect my nerves? And come back and try to work again lol
Anya: SO AMAZING!!!! AND COMPLETELY NOT SURPRISED THAT YOU BOTH KILLED IT!!!
Laneia: YES !!!!!!!!
honest questioncan i name this new bulletin board channel backpage or is that ummm fucked
BC PERSONALLY I AM FINDING IT HILARIOUS IN MY HEAD
but amanda was no help bc all she said was “is this really your job”
and like yes don’t shame me
Carmen: lmao “is this really your job”
some of us are living the dream amanda!
Riese: YAY i’m so proud of the kill!
Nicole: i just came in here and imagine me seeing Riese’s message first
Carmen: 🔪
Carmen: what color is your t shirt riese?
Riese: it’s white and it says “sportfest” on it in red block letters
Laneia: i love that sportfest is the energy you were putting into the world today
Carmen: i’m in a wrinkled flannel that looks like Alex Mack wore it in the 90s, what does that say about my energy?
Laneia: Alex Mack energy is like, whatever it takes we will get this done
Nicole: oooh yes
i think it also says that you’re a little bit shiny, a little bit supernatural
i am wearing a sweater that is literally my dad’s sweater from the 90s that i traded my sister one of our mom’s sweaters for
Laneia: nicole is reclaiming
this is reclamation energy
Carmen: oooh this is a horoscope i can use
Kayla: i am wearing a crew neck sweatshirt from a brewery in a North Carolina mountain town
Laneia: i’m in a ribbed crop top and an oversized cardigan and oversized linen pants so i think my energy, and i might be too close to the subject but, i think i’m giving “not ready for whatever this is”
kayla’s energy is hardworking serenity
the balance of the two, how you can’t have one without the other
Carmen: laneia i am sorry to tell you i’m probably going to ask this all week now, because you have no idea how much i have been delighted
Nicole: laneia’s energy is you think you’re not ready, but you are
Carmen: yep! i agree with nicole!
Nicole: it’s the ribbing on the tank that sends it over
Laneia: ok well i love that
What We’ve Been Reading
Refuse to Be Done: How to Write and Rewrite a Novel in Three Drafts
– Vanessa
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory
– Ro
Some of My Best Friends: Essays on Lip Service
– Kayla
The Chosen and the Beautiful
– Shelli
Something That May Shock and Discredit You
– Nicole
Last Night at the Telegraph Club
– Carmen
The Falling in Love Montage un Home
– Casey
Florida
– Riese
Legends & Lattes: A Novel of High Fantasy and Low Stakes
– Heather
Manhunt
– Casey
Haunted! Dildo! Sex! Advice!
Heather: i’m sorry this is the funniest headline i have ever read
Nicole: you had me at that slug
Heather: haunted! dildo! sex! advice!
Nicole: i wonder what like, the ebay/etsy market is like for haunted dildos
Heather: probably depends on the type of haunting
Nicole: i mean, the secondhand haunted object market appears to be thriving so you never know!
Kayla: We had a haunted sex toy that would turn itself on and then refuse to turn off!!!!!!!! So I am immediately reading whatever this is
Nicole: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT KAYLA
Kalya: LOCKED IT IN A BATHROOM UNTIL IT EVENTUALLY DIED
This was back in Vegas it felt very Vegas
Nicole: that is a very Vegas way to deal with a haunted sex toy
Heather: did you peek in on it occasionally to see if it was still alive/haunted?
Kayla: YES lol
I am laughing so hard recalling all of this
Nicole: I BET KAYLA
I think this letter writer should gift the boyfriend a haunted sex toy in turn.
Get even.
Kayla: Hahahahaha
Heather: 🍆
Kayla: Kristen just reminded me she had to wrap the haunted sex toy in a towel before locking it in the bathroom to muffle its sounds kaksjjsjsn
It was all very dramatic
Heather: tears are streaming down my face i am laughing so hard
Nicole: oh noooo Kayla
Meg: obsessed with this entire conversation
Ro: I’m late to the haunted dildo party but there was definitely a haunted sex toy on display when I worked at a sex toy store.
It was the Fun Factory Cobra and it would randomly turn on, vibrate itself off the shelf and inch along the floor like a creepy robot pet
Kayla: omg
Nicole: i feel like the frequency of haunted sex toy encounters within this team is something to note
Kayla: yeah i’m putting a calendar reminder for this for when october approaches…
What We’ve Been Watching
The Batman
– Carmen (and Nicole Watched 1/2)
House of Gucci
– Shelli
Definitely, Maybe
– Carmen
Air Bud
– Ro
All The President’s Men
– Riese
Scream (2022)
– Kayla
The Eyes of Tammy Faye
– Heather
PR Emails That Lost Their Way
More often than we’d like, people email us about things that demonstrate they might be missing the point.
Nicolodeon
This is just a doodle from Nicole’s notebook :) They hope it brightens your day!
KKU Lookbook
Hello, and welcome to my new segment of the Insider, where I will show you some outfits I wore the past month and also where to buy the pieces (from affiliate brands, so Autostraddle gets a super small kickback if you purchase stuff using the links below!).
A quick interlude for any Bravo Dykes in the house: Recently, I’ve been jokingly referring to Paige DeSorbo of Summer House as my “Bravo nemesis,” and my girlfriend says it’s because we have “a lot in common.” I have been denying having “a lot in common” with this straight Italian girl from upstate New York, but then here comes Nicole asking me if I wanted to do a Insider segment that makes my outfits shoppable, which as you might know, is Paige DeSorbo’s WHOLE THING. Am I dykey brown Paige DeSorbo?????????????????? While I ponder that existential question, let’s jump into some looks.
Look 1: The top is H&M, but I found a comparable square-neck white cropped tank at Aerie ($25). The blue and white checked miniskirt is from Marshall’s, and I love it because it has some stretch, so it’s actually pretty comfortable. I can’t find an exact comp online, but this mustard plaid skirt ($30) is a similar vibe. Or, if you prefer the more pleated tennis skirt look, go for something like this twill skirt from H&M ($25). As a former varsity tennis player and forever Tennis Dyke, I kinda can’t beLIEVE how popular tennis looks are right now, but I’m gonna embrace it! For accessories, I’m wearing a turquoise bar necklace ($30+), the blue plastic rings that are part of this ring multipack (on sale for $8), and a silver bangle shaped like a belt. I’m not sure where my bangle is from, but I found a very cool vintage version on eBay for $50. Finished off with a platform white sneaker ($25). As a styling note, I also sometimes wear this with a white linen blend buttondown ($25), and I roll up the sleeves, leave it unbuttoned, and tie it in a knot at my waist.
Look 2: This was outfit #2 for Easter this year (earlier in the day, I wore a $13 pink dress from ASOS). I bought this white fuzzy v-neck sweaterish top at H&M to be part of my Halloween costume this year (I was Queen Frostine, and my girlfriend was Lord Licorice), but then I just started wearing it all the time, because it’s COMFY. It looks like you’ll have to troll Poshmark if you want to find an exact replica. But here are some comps from PacSun ($24) and ASOS ($15). Now, THE PANTS. These pants were kind of a mistake, and it’s a long story, but it was a happy mistake, because I absolutely love these pants and never want to take them off. They are from Nordstrom Rack, and they were $80 (marked down from $235!!!!!!), which is a lot for basically just pale pink jeans, and I absolutely never would have paid FULL price for them. But at $80, I’m sorry to say they’re very worth it! (I will note that the sizing appears limited online —I found them in 32 in-stores.) But keep in mind that these pants are not really for the white girls! Sorry but they kinda look too close to your flesh color if you’re pale or have pink tones to your skin! The necklace here is one I made, but this pink lace choker ($10) is similar.
Look 3: HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT MY TINY PURSE? Tbh, 90% of my looks lately revolve entirely around this stupid little purse that fits like two things that I bought from ASOS for $23. It is the centerpiece of most mirror pics I take these days. One fun thing about the purse is that it comes with a removable strap if you want to convert it to a crossbody moment. We love versatility! Speaking of versatility, I style this silky oversized H&M buttondown in lots of different ways, including tied with rolled sleeves as seen above, simply buttoned and tucked into high-waisted jeans, or under a sweater for a preppier look. I cannot find the exact shirt, which I’m very bummed about, because I want it in more colors, but this version is close ($17). The biggest difference is that mine buttons all the way up instead of having that v-neck detail! The simple black mules are ASOS ($45). And keeping with the versatility trend of all of these pieces, the long, slitted and fitted stretchy black skirt from ASOS ($15) goes with a million things in my closet —from crop tops to big sweaters. My bracelet is a textured gold bangle, and it was a gift from my gf so sorry you’re not getting the link, but here’s a gold cuff for $48.
Failure Is An Art Form
Introducing the idea of We are here to normalize trying, failing, trying, and failing again!
“Today I was making violet simple syrup and it got too hot and that means it is clear instead of a pretty color-changing lavender color and because I already picked half the wild violets in the yard, I’m going to HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR to make it again! At least it still tastes the same, but I’m so sad because I have been living in anticipation of the color-change magic.” — Nicole
“Once again, I owe people many things! The worst part of this job that I love very much, is that I am often in too many places at the same time or something last minute urgent will happen and that will take a previously planned “I’ll take two hours and do this thing” and kick it down the road, except the road is forever. So this month I owe: meeting notes to the Wait Is This a Date podcast team because my computer (finally, after a long slow death) broke when I was supposed to write them. But by the time I had a new computer I was running around doing other things. I also owe Anya a layout of our major editorial themes for this year so that she can use it to shop for clients (this got put on hold for the membership drive in March and hiring of new writers in April, plus some other major sponcon projects with Anya that were urgent for both of us). I owe edits to the most patient and wonderful writers. Anyway if you’re reading this Insider and you work at Autostraddle, there’s a 35% chance I owe you something right now. I promise I’m getting right to it!” — Carmen
G.O.A.T.
According to one statistic we found on the internet, 68% of human adults are lactose intolerant okay it is not just queer people and also have you ever met a cow they’re adorable. Let us drink our oat milk. Let us be oat milk if we want to.
This Shirt
by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
The This Shirt segment has really just become my ongoing love letter to my straight best friend Becca!!!! She did not buy nor make this shirt for me, but I bought it in her presence, and it will forever remind me of her when I wear it…which is often!!!! She came to visit me in Miami for the first time since I moved here, and we went to a Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. in like weird outdoor mall that looks like it’s on a beach but isn’t? Boardwalk vibes, ya know? We hit up the gift shop after, and I KNEW I would not be walking away without a shirt. I am, after all, very on record as being an appreciator of restaurant merch. And that even applies to chains. I wear this shirt with cutoff jean shorts around my home at least a few times a week! I wore it recently with the pink pants I highlighted in my lookbook segment above, and my gf was like “you’re looking very Key West.” I think south Florida tourist chic is actually a great look for me!!!!!!!
Great Depression Toast
Riese: in high school i used to go to zingermans and buy a bag of BREAD ENDS for 50 cents
and then take a bunch of packets of mayonnaise
and that would be my lunch
it was called Bread Ends and Mayonnaise
Nicole: Gosh, I love mayonnaise.
Just too much.
fun fact
Riese: 50 cent lunch
i wonder if they still sell bags of bread ends for 50 cents
Nicole: bread ends are also my favorite part?
this sounds idyllic riese
Carmen: I thought mayonnaise isn’t vegan?
Nicole: I am not vegan
It’s eggs not cow dairy so it’s okay
Carmen: I also should preface (in case that was dumb) that I do not eat any condiments
Nicole: eggs do not hurt me as milk does lol
Carmen: WAIT I thought you were vegan! But you’re vegetarian
This is good to know
Nicole: wait Carmen you don’t eat condiments?
Carmen: literally none
Nicole: what a stance
Riese: what do u eat with fries
Carmen: a fun quirk of mine i eat them 100% plain
Nicole: burger
Riese: omg
Nicole: what happens
Carmen: plain + cheese
Riese: chicken nuggets or chicken strips
Carmen: plain
Nicole: WINGS
Carmen: I’m… scared to answer
Nicole: lol oh no
Carmen: BUT I love the smell of blue cheese
Riese: hot dog
Carmen: hot dog… grilled, plain
if it’s not grilled, onion
Riese: carrot sticks
Anya: wow this is WILD
Carmen: carrot sticks also plain
but i prefer celery
I’ll put honey on my sweet potato fries?
Riese: Pita chips
Carmen: Plain
Nicole: this is so interesting.
you just like all of your food dry?
Riese: Tortilla chips
Nicole: lol riese
Carmen: with guacamole (or plain honestly, but that’s not my preference)
Riese: Quesadillas
Wait do you eat butter
Or do you have like plain dry toast
Carmen: this is going to be in the insider, isn’t it
Riese: Like it’s the Great Depression
Carmen: yes — plain, dry toast
Great Depression Toast
if they serve butter on toast at like, a breakfast dinner, I have to give it away to whomever I’m eating with
Nicole: i am mostly eating toast for the butter tbh
thank you for sharing this info carmen
Anya: WOW
Nicole: do a post called What If You Didn’t Use Condiments?
people love to be told what to do
you could start the dry food movement
Riese: Yeah most of these foods for me are just condiment holders
Well not really actually but they are necessary bedfellows
Nicole: i am mostly on this earth to eat condiments, but i can respect your stance
Riese: Like if I don’t have sour cream I won’t make quesadillas
If I don’t have honey mustard or ranch then I don’t want chicken fingers
[… 10 minutes later …]
Laneia: YOU DON’T PUT BUTTER ON YOUR TOAST
Carmen does this mean that you literally never have use for any type of jam
this is the most upsetting thing i could think to come across, as innocuous facts go.
shifted my entire worldview
Kayla: sorry catching up….NOT A HOT DOG WITHOUT CONDIMENTS
Carmen: this is the best day because i feel like y’all are really getting to know me
i have strawberry jam for… peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?
Anya: wait so peanut butter is on the table!!
that’s my favorite condiment, can’t imagine life w/o it
Carmen: I’m good with peanut butter!
I think of it as a main course, not a condiment, which is probably also bananas
on a rare occasion I’ll add some strawberry jam on buttermilk biscuits for whimsy?
If I’ve made them from scratch? but also I’m v. good eating them plain 95% of the time.
Kayla: i do consider pb a spread and not a condiment
semantics probably
Carmen: yes
Kayla: spread vs sauce vs condiment sauce and condiment are pretty close tho
Carmen: yeah they are! But like, i learned in my life to finally eat marinara sauce on spaghetti
(no one ask how I ate spaghetti until I was a teenager, thanks)
Riese: did you just put powdered parm on it
Carmen: as a kid i ate spaghetti also plain but sometimes with a small amount of melted butter if forced to, and yes parm and garlic if we’re being fancy or at a restaurant
Riese:…. baked potato
what do you have on a baked potato
Carmen: cheddar cheese, bacon, veggies-
for a baked potato
Riese: do you eat gravy
have you tried butter on toast though it’s pretty good
bagel???
Carmen: peanut butter or cream cheese (ideally with chives or green onion), which to kayla’s point, is a spread?
Kayla: ya cream cheese is def in the spread cat
ok noooow im walking to the grocery store and if anyone needs me I’m avail on my freshly charged mobile device
WE HAVE SOME SPECIAL PHOTOS FOR YOU THIS MONTH
Photo on the left from left to right, front to back: Drew / Elise Bauman / Kristen Arnett / Riese / jourdain searles / Christina Grace / Kayla / Anya
Center photo, from left to right: Riese / Elise / Drew / Kayla / Christina
Photo on the right: Kristen / Kayla
Nicole (left) and Carmen (right) met up for outdoor coffee in Buffalo!!! And met in-person for the very first time!!! And it was a goddamn delight!
XOXO
Team Autostraddle
Love this as always but most importantly Anya I am absolutely OBSESSED with your trousers in the group pic. Where to cop, incredible
(also yes to the importance of restaurant merch! Just got a t-shirt from a barbecue joint saying “low and slow since ‘94” – which is also my birth year!
They’re from Big Bud Press! I don’t think that particular style is available on their site but I’d search “big bud press airbrush work pants” on depop or similar
I actually found these trousers on the company’s site!: https://bigbudpress.com/collections/pants/products/candy-clouds-airbrush-western-pants?variant=41388699910337 I’m not sure if they’re the same cut Anya is sporting (and looking lovely in!) and not all the sizes are in stock, so like Chloe said a reselling site might be your best shot! Wishing you luck haha 🌈
Fun fact: there is a store in Gilroy that sells only garlic-flavored things including chocolate and garlic ice cream! It tastes exactly as terrible as it sounds.
carmen i feel very seen as a person who has spent most of my restaurant-going life specifying ‘plain and dry’ because i eat precisely one and a half condiments and the restaurants always put too much!
however butter is a spread not a condiment and that’s a hill i will apparently die on
I respectfully concede butter as a spread, and not a condiment!
Last week I was ordering a turkey sandwich (completely plain) and at least three people double checked to see if that was correct: the person at the counter who took the order, the person who made the order, and the person handed me the bag with my order in it.
You are very seen!!
wait by “plain” do you mean just turkey on dry bread or was there also like lettuce and tomato
Just want to say that I would click on Anne Lister’s food diary so fast!
Me too!
Some random thoughts:
I’m absolutely heart-sick over the loss of Bitch Media. They helped me expand my thinking so much and undo a lot of the biases I was taught growing up. Since being a Rage member entitled me to a print & digital copies, I used to give my print magazines away hoping to spread the Gospel, LOL! Now, I’m sorry I did that; I assume there’d always be more.
The haunted toy ; how hillarious!!
Garlic festival was such a nonsequitor!
Kayla’s outfits were cute!
Lots of weird books / movies on the reading / watching lists this month. ;)
I always enjoy all of the content in these.
Thank you!
A goddamn delight as always!
– extending sympathy for Nicole’s “gray rainy and 45 in PGH”…yeah the weather here is always 40% more depressing than everywhere else!
– The Falling In Love Montage looks cute! placed on my hold at my library! thanks Casey!
– I CHUCKLED LOUDLY when I saw Ro has been watching Air Bud, that movie constituted like 68% of my childhood ahahaha it’s so BAD
– loving both of Drew’s dresses (floral! yes! sparkles! yes!) and Nicole’s mad layering skills!
– I must know who was responsible for the graphic for Great Depression Toast…bizarre, outstanding
It was me lol. I made both that graphic and the haunted vibrator one…🙈
The Falling in love Montage is a truly excellent book, but FYI not as lighthearted as you might expect from the cover. (The character’s mom has early onset dementia). Hope you like it!
I love the bonus photos of y’all hanging out with each other!
We had such a nice time!!!!!
we really did!!!
I love this issue, love the photos, love the whole condiment conversation (condiversation? I’ll stop), and I gotta know— what was “the nbc thing” Carmen and Heather did??
It was a 30 minute meet-and-greet to talk about Autostraddle with their PR and communications team! Which was a very big deal for us.
So cool!!!!!! 🤩
Okay I had forgotten about this entirely but Kayla’s haunted sex toy reminded me – I had a vibrator (dildo? No longer remember) that, in the middle of the night, in a bag in the bathroom which was attached to my bedroom, turned on at its HIGHEST setting and just started banging the shit out of my bathroom cabinet and it woke me up and terrified me. Never considered that it might be haunted but this is seeming likely now? I didn’t keep it for long because I didn’t like it but actually maybe I just didn’t like that it turned on at 2 in the morning? I do not appreciate needy, attention demanding sex toys!
I bet it was haunted 👻 2am is such a ghost time to do something.
Insider is such a treasure thank you! <3
-No apologies needed for being a 'downer'!! It's tough. Getting a peek behind the curtain and knowing how much you all care and worry and WORK for AS and us and each other etc just makes me more grateful and determined re: AS and all sorts of community spaces.
-The weather talk & the multiple cities in the weather app! Very relatable. I don't like small talk but I like talking about weather so maybe I do like small talk? 🤔
-Carmen that knife emoji had me wheezing. (Also congrats to you and Heather!!! 100 person 30 minute zoom call sounds unbelievably nerve-racking)
-The fashion energy readings are incredible & I loved reading about your outfits
-Nicole's half batman viewing made me chuckle. And that lil ghost!
-I don't watch reality tv shows but I love seeing Kayla talk about them. Also was the pup inclusion in the second lookbook pic deliberate because it's very appreciated.
-The failure section is always good to see x
-Remembering the toast image while reading the condiments discussion had me laughing so hard thank you all I feel blessed
-Seeing everyone's faces is always heartening and seeing your faces in the same time and place is delightful too <3
👻🖤 omg it was such a delight to meet Carmen in person for the first time after 2.5 years of working toge😭 thank you for celebrating all the team’s in-person joy with us!
Haha omg I never notice when Lola sneaks into my mirror selfies but she does it OFTEN. I’m sure she’ll have more cameos in future interactions of the lookbook lolol
love ALL of this!!!! especially Failure Is An Art Form – god please more of this!!!!
I am particularly fond of that new section. We can’t do everything right all of the time!!
Idk where salad dressing lands on the sauce/condiment spectrum, but I loathe it. I dont want slimy wet lettuce. Dry salad for me forever and always!
No one understands this and it’s very annoying! Lol
When I was a kid I ate my salads dry. Though I’m on the complete opposite end of the spectrum now I can appreciate this. It was also a texture thing!
Yes Jay, absolutely!!
NO THE SALAD IS ALSO DRY?!
Great stuff as always, and special appreciation for Nicole’s drawing! 👻☕️
Thank you!!! 👻☕️
An outstanding Insider, all around!
Ah haha
I love Autostraddle and was NOT expecting the Great Condiment (or lack thereof) Discovery, lololol.
Condiments of the Management
truly truly ALL WE HAVE IS EACH OTHERRRR!!! yalls mad creativity, honesty, asking for help, helping, this is the only way thru <3 <3 <3 <3 <3