Letter From Your Editors
This month we are all reading a book, which just so happens to be my natural state at pretty much any moment (you want proof? Scroll to the end of this newsletter for a surprise). I hope you get a chance to cozy up with something good to read in these last days of winter — and the un-official end to cozy season, too!










I’ve been thinking a lot about 1998 lately. I’ve been thinking about the bedroom that I hand painted with two different shades of candy colored pink (what? yes) and my Rocky Horror Picture Show poster and watching Carson Daly interview Britney Spears TRL while I painted my nails a thick, chemically smelling electric blue color that I got from Claire’s. I’ve been thinking about Lauryn Hill’s Miseducation album, and TLC’s “No Scrubs,” how my mom never let buy JNCO jeans because they scrapped on the ground, and the rush of a new DELiA*s catalog in the mail. I’ve been so firmly thinking about these things because Autostraddle is, in fact, turning 13 (whaaat? again, yes) in just a matter of days from when I’m writing this letter. What’s most funny about this is that I didn’t actually turn 13 in 1998? I didn’t turn 13 for a full two years later, in 2000. When butterfly hair clips and platform Sketchers were already being switched out for Y2K panics about the end of the world and Destiny’s Child had their first hit on the charts.
Oh wait. OH WAIT. I turned 13 in neither of those two places. I turned 13 in 1999.
Time has a way of escaping you when you don’t have both eyes on it. Now you see it and now you don’t. What felt real is suddenly not real at all. Or maybe it never was. And WELL! If you enjoy turning your brain inside out and puzzling time back together while you question your own sanity, may I use this opportunity to plug Kayla’s magnificent Time Zones Week (with essays from our own Vanessa and Dani!). Since she first came on as Managing Editor a few months ago, Kayla and I have been busy planning in excited hushed tones about not only the kinds of things at Autostraddle we want to create in new horizons, but what about Autostraddle we want to double down on. Being a home for incredible, well-crafted, sometimes niche or weird ass queer writing that can be supported or expressed no where else on the internet is at the top of that list. Time Zones Week is proof of that, and I couldn’t be prouder of this collection of unexpected personal essays. As an editor, Kayla puts her writers first, helping them find the heart in their work and polish it, stitch it together, turning raw materials into family heirlooms. It really is a stunning joy to watch her work.
But back to time! AND OUR BIRTHDAY!!! Autostraddle is about to be a braces wearing, chipped black nail polish having, sharpie tattoos and drawing on our sneakers, whole ass 13. THIRTEEN. Just full of hormones and potential (maybe that should be our new tagline). I keep staring up from my laptop and mouthing it to no one in the air, 13. Thir-teen. I asked Laneia if she could believe that something she and Riese started would be going to high school next year and she covered her face in her hands. How have we all been on the journey THIS long??? One day you logged in to this website to read a recap of a show you couldn’t stop talking about and drove your friends crazy, or because you were shy about how to have sex with your girlfriend, and now here we are a million inside jokes and gritty, bare-knuckled enthusiasm later. Together.
The best part of this entire school dance, skate party, sleepover celebration is that we are so far from done yet. I’m writing this letter on the last day of our new writer applications and y’all — there have been 356 APPLICATIONS AND COUNTING!!! Kayla and I will read every single one, and I wish we’d be able to hire them all, but the idea alone — there are so many queer stories left to tell. So many writers are bursting at the seams to tell them. Established writers who want a chance to work for a gay editor who will just “get it” for once, after having their work torn apart by straight cis men editors at mainstream magazine. Or brand new writers without a byline to their name because no one will even give them a chance yet because they’re the “wrong kind of trans.” Baby gays who think no one wants to hear stories about their first real heartbreak and what it has to do with Spongebob Squarepants. But we will. We always have. And that’s why, scrappy paycheck to paycheck, I know that what we’re still building here matters.
So while I have you here, thank YOU. In Riese’s Annual Report, she discussed that A+ members make up 50% of our annual income. You are quite literally keeping our lights on because as much as we’d like it to — this little website doesn’t run on queer magic alone, and we have a lot of growing left to do. We can dream bigger than ever before because we know that you’re providing our backbone for greatness. And sure that’s probably a little mushy, but what are birthdays for if not to spread love? We actually published so much A+ content in February that I can’t even list it all! Which I hope is just the smallest token of our everlasting thanks. In addition to the Annual Report, February marked the return of an old Autostraddle favorite — The A+ Personal Essay, and Amari’s exploration of the meanings of womanhood, queerness, Blackness, and her mother is an absolute must read. I still haven’t stopped thinking about Laneia’s Notes from Hell, which in direct honesty, came right when I needed it most. Plus Advice Boxes! Roundtables! And more. So much more. (Plus, our love.)
And hey if you wanted to give us a birthday present now that we’re officially in the countdown, have at it — and no matter what, thank you so much for being here. We wouldn’t be 13 without you.
Have some birthday cake in March and think of us,
Carmen / Riese / Nicole / Laneia / Kayla / Heather / Anya

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From January 2022
These posts were hella popular last month.








1. Very Special Gay Episode: In 1986, Golden Girls Created the Most Endearing Lesbian Joke on Television, by Carmen
2. The 200 Best Lesbian, Bisexual & Queer Movies of All Time (UPDATE), by Drew
3. Quiz: Which Classic Bath and Body Works Scent Are You? by Dani
4. January 2022: Here’s What’s New and Gay on Netflix, HBO Max and Hulu, by Riese
5. Play This Autostraddle-Themed Spinoff of Wordle for a Good, Gay Time, by Sally
6. Quiz: Which Yellowjackets Character Are You?, by Kayla
7. Pop Culture Fix: Tig Notaro and Dakota Johnson are Making The “Lesbian Falls for Best Friend” Rom-Com You’ve Been Waiting For, by Heather
8. Every Kristen Stewart Movie, Ranked, by Riese
9. Quiz: Which Kristen Stewart Movie Character Are You?, by Riese
10. Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for January 2022, by Corrina

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations
Vanessa: i just finished my keepsake entry. i unfortunately don’t have a photo, i’m sorry, lol
but maybe you’ll thank me when you read what it is
[5 minutes later]
Nicole: hahahaha amazing. i will tell you re: your keepsake, that my mom saved all my baby teeth in a jam jar (she took them every time the tooth fairy came I guess??) and I regret throwing it away when we moved even though she didn’t clean them and they were bloody and gross! so! just my two cents as you contemplate keeping or not keeping your teeth
Vanessa: hahahaha oh i am DEFINITELY keeping them
i was just trying to be charming and not SO weird for our readers
a lil white lie if u will
Carmen: Is anyone around that might know if I can put dyke in a headline? @riese
the headline is: “Dyke Ice Drama! Meet the Multiple Ex-wives of the Us and Canadian Olympic Hockey Teams”
Ok i’m too scared, i’m not gonna do it, even though it rhymes
Nicole: I don’t remember sorry! maybe it’s in the style guide?
Carmen: I’m almost 100% certain we can’t, it’s ok. I was hoping against hope here. A long shot, really.
[10 minutes later]
Riese: yeah! why wouldn’t you be able to
we published an article called “my gender is dyke” last week
kamala had a column called The Dyke Kitchen
Nicole: lol true facts
Carmen: DAMNIT YOU ARE RIGHT
I’m putting it back
Riese: hahahaa
i genuinely wondered if i was dreaming for a second
this feels like a question i would be asked in a dream
but in the dream i wouldn’t know the answer i would just probably find out i had to perform an elliot smith song in a gold jumpsuit in front of a-camp and forget the whole thing
Carmen: I don’t know why I got so scared, I think I’m on algorithm paranoia high alert
Riese: harvest that anxiety and project it onto the next realistic dildo you see on our website
Nicole: I can’t believe earlier in this channel I was like “we gotta keep an eye on the My Gender is Dyke piece” and then I was like “Carmen I have no earthly idea if you can put “dyke” in a headline sorry”
Riese: haha i know! i was like what is going on here where am i!!
Laneia: maybe it is second coffee time
it might be
Nicole: it always is
Laneia: the chaos agent in me sees the chaos agent in you
Kayla: i ammmm fully on coffee 4
Carmen: Good morning!!
I’m making pancakes that I have been promised are “quick enough for a weekday”
Kayla: my mother has been trying to get me into “kodiak cakes”
Carmen: Well now I have googled kodiak cakes
Nicole: I’ve found that Birch Benders mix is pretty reliable, myself.
For weekday waffles and pancakes
Kayla: i had funfetti cake for breakfast
publix brand
Nicole: WELL
Carmen: Umm, Kayla?? Kodiak cakes??

Kayla: ya! they’re just like high protein pancakes
Carmen:

Kayla: i think like runners and other people who i do not identify with like kodiak cakes
Carmen: GEN Q GOT RENEWED WHERE ARE WE SCREAMING OK THANKS BYYEEEE
Kayla: a blessed day indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thinking about gigi
and the sweater that was just sleeves
Nicole: omg that “sweater”
HAPPY GIGI DAY TO ALL
Riese: swessecossorie
Vanessa: i need everyone to know that i got a manicure today and had BABY GIRL written on my nails in pink on pink
and my nail person posted a photo to her instagram
and one of her followers commented
“what a cute way to do a gender reveal!!!!”
and it is taking ALL my self restraint
not to comment back
“it’s not a gender reveal, it’s a kink thing”
anyway thank u for witnessing the funniest part of my day, straight cis people are not ok!!!
Abeni: comment back
Shelli: DO IT SAY IT OR TAG ME IN IT AND I WILL
Vanessa: my nail tech did! telling the woman gender reveals are OVER

Dani Janae: Not jasmin savoy liking my thirst trap!!
Shelli Nicole: I think she got a lil thing for you
I’m just saying
Time to trap this lil Yellowjacket
Christina Tucker: stingers UP
Shelli Nicole: Buzz bzzzzzzzzz
Dani Janae: LMAO
🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝
Carmen: HELLO ok wait first — DANI!?!?👀
Vanessa: right i think carmen is here with the real important response !!!!!
maybe we need to update our readers with a new round of “how to take your best thirst traps and live your best lives” hmmmm👀
Carmen: hahahahaaaa
Dani Janae: Yessss absolutely also thank you Carmen😭😭😭
Carmen: I AM FULL SUPPORT that’s all I’m saying!
Christina Tucker: YES WE DOOOO
as a person who did not watch yellowjackets I am addicted to the fake idea that stans say “STINGERS UP”
Drew: Transness is not defined by oppression! It’s defined by “some people didn’t watch Mean Girls as a youth because they were trying to be a boy and other people got to watch it a lot”
Riese: hahaha i’m not like a Mean Girls person i just wanted to see if everybody got the joke [i told a few lines earlier in this convo]
Drew: I’ve seen the last ten minutes of mean girls a ton because it often plays on vh1 before Drag Race
Carmen: I can’t fathom having not seen mean girls an infinite number of times, but that might be my age bracket showing, btwn you and riese
Kayla: A very funny thing is that Mean Girls is literally the only movie my mom likes
It’s funny because it’s not like it’s a hot take or anything — it was a very popular movie! BUT it’s so funny that it’s like literally the only movie she’ll willingly watch????
Carmen: oooooh is your mom a cool mom?
Kayla: She’s like cinema has been in decline post Mean Girls
Hahaha I did have more than one friend compare my mom to Amy Poehler’s character lmao
Drew: TV team roundtable: what movies does your mom like
Heather: candace parker and chelsea gray (also gay!) beating up on some little kids!
Natalie: I love that they’re still cool and that Derek Fisher’s efforts to pit them against each other were unsuccessful
Heather: me too! so much!
[2 hours later]
Carmen: Thanks to this very adorable video of Candace Parker bodying her own child to the ground, I have started to midnight research Chelsea Gray (the other gay in this video)… and…
One day I’m going to make such a great WNBA wife.

What We’ve Been Reading
~and~
Drew: Two of my close friends finished books they’ve been working on for a long time and asked for notes so that’s all I’ve been reading!!

National Threesome Day

Vanessa: this made me laugh a lot in my inbox but Ro maybe you’re genuinely interested in it:
“Hi all -National Threesome Day is March 3! Having a threesome is one of the most common fantasies out there. In fact, it could be the most popular one there is! Many people decide to make this fantasy a reality. In fact, a study showed that 1 in 7 Americans have already had one.To celebrate, Sweet Vibes took a deep dive on 1)what makes threesomes so attractive?, 2)How do I approach my partner about finding a third? including the consideration of using a sex toy as your third first (like the gender neutra lCharmed wand). and 3)How do I find a third?. You can find the full article here.To celebrate, Sweet Vibes is also using the code “THREE30″ for 30 percent off all products from March 2 – March 4. If interested in doing an article on threesomes to celebrate the holiday, let me know and I’d be happy to connect you to our in-house sexpert.”
Ro: There’s a DAY?!
Ok I’m definitely going to cover this. Thank you,vanessa!!
Carmen: Oh I AM SO GLAD!!!!! Thank you Ro! Let’s have fun with this!
Vanessa: literally just said to my gf “BABE THERE’S A THREESOME DAY, SHOULD WE HAVE A THREESOME ON MARCH 3?!?!”
Laneia: “why are threesomes so popular” ???!
never seen such an unnecessary question
Vanessa: “Many people decide to make this fantasy a reality. In fact, a study showed that1 in 7 Americans have already had one.”
IN FACT!
Kayla: lololol
oh lmao i just understood the date
3/3
that took me too long
Laneia: pretty sad that it’s falling on a thursday though
Kayla: thursday seems like the worst day for a threesome
Nicole: even though Threesome Thursday has such a ring to it?
Laneia: feels like it should be one of those things like when astrologists tell you it’s fine if you need to do your new moon ritual the night before or the day after
Kayla: i do love an alliteration
Laneia: “a store bought threesome on friday is fine if that’s all you have”
Anya: march 3rd in the year 2033 is gonna be lit

What We’ve Been Watching
This is the same thing, but using movies instead – little blurb about what we’ve been watching / why RedBox

Emails That Lost Their Way
More often than we’d like, people email us about things that demonstrate they might be missing the point.






Meet A New Contributor!
Get to know some of our newest faces.
Em, Writer
Instagram: @ememwinwin
Twitter: @ememwinwin


If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
🙃
If you could invite four famous people (dead or alive) to dinner, who would you choose and why?
Oscar Wilde – because low key my favorite book for awhile was The Picture of Dorian Gray. I studied all of his works and whole life in a seminar in undergrad and became deeply obsessed with his superfluousness. I would love to just salon-style intellectually banter with him over wine by a fireplace.
Jesus – to clear some things up.
Adrienne Maree Brown- My favorite book in general is Pleasure Activism. I would love for her to be my coach or mentor on sensuality and life transitions, if only for a few hours.
Taylor Swift- I feel like I have to defend myself here. I have to admit that I’ve loved her since before her self-titled album came out. I actually don’t think we would get along as people, but I would love to ask her questions about her lyrics and process. When I was 12 I wanted to be like her, and in a different lifetime I think I would be a singer-songwriter.
Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
The first one I can explicitly and vigorously remember was Kyle McCoy from Cycle 23 of America’s Next Top Model
What’s your favorite sex toy?
The original hitachi vibrator. I need a strong, consistent vibe that isn’t going to break on me.
What’s your #1 turn-on?
Before I actually meet and talk to someone? Style and confidence.
What’s your #1 turn-off?
When someone treats a conversation like a performance.

Failure Is An Art Form
We are here to normalize trying, failing, trying, and failing again!
Nicole’s Failures:
Wow remember how last month I was sad that I didn’t send out holiday cards and said I was considering sending everyone Valentine’s cards, and then I decided that was too weird? WELL GUESS WHAT one of our friends sent us and everyone on their list Valentine’s day cards with a photo of her and her partner in a hot tub on the front and so now I have been shown up. Perhaps… the goal is now to just get ahead of this year. 2022! I’m also editing this at 9:45pm on a Friday again so I failed, once again, to get the Insider together in time because I’m planning a member drive and also putting the Insider together takes a long time! Everything is always a lot!
Carmen’s Failures:
I have had the worst writer’s block OF MY LIFE this month. Of my life might be dramatic (it’s not) but due to some ongoing personal stresses, the part of my brain that is creative has apparently gone on strike until further notice. You know how athletes get The Yips and Simone Biles had to pull out of the Olympics last summer and the whole nine? That’s what is happening in my brain right now. I don’t even have the space to be funny about it yet, but here we are for now. Hopefully it turns around soon.

Investigaytive Journalism
Sally asked, “What Job Would You Have in a Lesbian Romance Novel?” and yes, the top result was journalist, but it looks like there might be a serious baker shortage!


This Shirt
A new segment in tribute to the ultimate cult classic Autostraddle column, Laneia’sThese Shirts.

by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
My friends are the kind of people who make shirts.
This is how I ended up with an iron-on FUTK tank (iykyk) when I went to a The Chicks concert in 2016. This is how I ended up with a shirt that says Sungay and matches two other shirts that say Frigay and Saturgay. When my friends and I have an inside joke, we like to quite literally wear it. I’m drawn to creative, weird, crafty people. I’m drawn to people who sign up for Michael’s Craft Store coupon emails so they can know when iron on letters and puffy paint are on sale.
My best friend Becca is the maker of some extremely specific customized merch. If she hasn’t already made her own Citizen DetectiveYellowjacketsshirt and matching dad hat yet, I’m sure she’s working on it. This NÜ YAWK shirt is something she made for me a couple months after I moved out of Brooklyn. She mailed it to me at my childhood home, where I was living alone without my parents (a story for a different day!). She has a matching one for herself. She also unironically has one of those I <3 NEW YORK shirts that she wears in New York even though she lives in New York. She once wore it to the Times Square Bubba Gump Shrimp Company when a group of us went as part of our Times Square Supper Club (another story for a different day!). She also has a Yankees tie-dye bucket hat that she specifically got to wear on a vacation in Los Angeles.
The thing about Becca is that she’s always down for a costume moment. Not a literal ex-theater kid like me but spiritually absolutely an ex-theater kid, she will just show up to a normal night out in a floor-length satin gown if she feels like it and, as someone who literally carries a pair of elbow-length satin gloves in my purse “just in case” (in case of WHAT? Who knows!), I deeply appreciate that about her. When she gifted me this NÜ YAWK shirt, I assumed I’d be back in New York soon and often. That made it easier to move away from all of my friends, knowing I live a flexible work-from-home lifestyle that allows me to travel pretty much whenever I want.
Then, you know, pandemic hit, and work-from-home no longer felt like a special luxury, and seeing my friends became a big ol’ question mark, and I missed New York and Becca and our long days running around Brooklyn from cafe to restaurant to bar to another restaurant to another bar to some weird plant place we’d read about to another bar that I’d started calling Becca Days. NÜ YAWK shirt became a comfort shirt. I wear it around Miami when I miss my friends, which is often. Becca’s a little bit magic, and she has said before that she has had a vision that we’ll be neighbors one day. I hope it’s true. We’ll make a lot of shirts.

Girl, On Fire
Carmen: Maybe I don’t like dystopian stories? that’s ok with me lol. I did like those Jennifer Lawrence movies, but I never read the books
Nicole: Carmen
I rewatched the Mockingjay movies recently
Carmen: ohhhh yes that’s what they are called
I was going to say isn’t one Girl on Fire? But that might be an Alicia Keys song, and then I got confused
Nicole: and came to the conclusion that it’s a dystopia (according to the movie’s casting and costuming and direction decisions) about a bunch of queers taking the children of hardworking heterosexuals and making them fight to the death
Carmen: omg
nicole
it…it really is
Nicole: if you look at everyone in the capitol
a homo
Riese: Hunger Games are such good books!
Glued to the page I was reading them.
Nicole: the books ARE good!
Carmen: a homo:

Nicole: yes, that is a homosexual
Carmen: the opulence, it’s telling
Nicole: me, hanging out with a straight friend:

Carmen: lmaaaaaaoooo
Kayla: lol sorry my [earlier] comment [on an unrelated topic] took a really long time to send bc of my service I realize we have moved on to the homosexuality of hunger gaymes which is accurate
Nicole: hahaha it is okay! valid, also how slack works
Riese: regardless we will all die someday
Carmen: (and again, i laughed)
Nicole: idk Riese is right though. it’s really helpful to contemplate your own death briefly before decision-making.
Carmen: it really does ground the stakes of a situation
Laneia: well good morning to this office of homos and book readers
Carmen: good morning laneia!
Riese: hello latecomer laneia
Laneia: nicole is right
Carmen: about death? seems likely
Riese: idk if you noticed but i have been here since 6:30 am
Laneia: nicole is right about henger gams
riese that is nauseating

Meet Ringo, Em’s Dog!



What’s your favorite food (includes human food)?
Activia yogurt, but out of the little individual cups my humans give me.
What’s your most perfect sleeping scenario?
On my bed by myself in front of the window, so I can protect my humans.
If you could have a home on the beach, near mountains, or in a lush forest, which would you pick and why?
Wherever there are ducks and rivers! I love to run around and chase ducks swimming in the creek.
Would you say you’ve seen a ghost?
No, I’m too focused on birds!
Which famous or fictional animal do you look up to and why?
Dante from Coco! He is goofy and protective like me and leads his humans to follow their heart.
What do you wish you could say to your parent?
I wish you could live with me all of the time :(
(Technically, Ringo is our family dog, but I take part ownership, especially because I lived at home and helped raised him in his puppy years)

XOXO
Team Autostraddle (at 13 because it’s our birthday in March and we are going to have a member drive and a little fundraiser!)

ALL AT CIRCA 13 YEARS OLD because we are turning 13 next week and we are going to celebrate with a member drive and a little fundraiser, too!
the thirteen year old photo collage!!! p l e a s e do this as a community gallery for the birthday celebration i take enormous pleasure in showing off objectively embarrassing photos of myself as a tween/teen bc i know just how weird and queer i get
kayla i love everything about your shirt entry but especially the phrase ‘times square supper club’ and the fact that you’re always ready for an eveningwear moment
every month y’all share what you’re reading and i want to ask at least one person for a full blow-by-blow of their book reactions! heather i’m so jealous you have ‘shara wheeler’ bc my library hold list is one million years long
i am DEVASTATED that i uploaded my reading photo too late to be included in the collage (entirely my fault but still heartbreaking) but i do feel like i really pulled my weight providing weird and wacky content for the insider this month via slack so i’m gonna go ahead and call it even.
also just want to say a huuuuuuge thank you to all of you A+ members, we think about you every moment of every day (seriously) and how fucking cool it is that a small group of incredible humans just literally keep this publication running. YOU KEEP US ALIVE. it’s wild. it’s a miracle. i love you. thank you.
but seriously, I would love a What movies does your mom like roundtable.
When I was a kid the only movie my mother would willingly sit and watch was Beetlejuice, and the older I get the less patience I have for movies that aren’t Beetlejuice oh no
I need to go back and comment on all of the individual posts, but since the beginning of this post reminded me–cannot stress enough how much I LOVED Time Zone Week. Every single post was beautiful!
em’s guy fieri costume is very, very good
Oh my goodness, Laneia, that little apricot poodle next to you (in the age 13 collage photo) is so adorable!
My Dear LGBT Friends,
Hello to Ringo!!! As always I love all of this but the 13yr old collage takes the cake (also I’m stealing that email opener for my friends. I kind of love it.)
Is writer’s block a form of social anxiety? Discuss.
My mom’s favorite movie was (is?) “Monty Python’s Life of Brian.” She went to Catholic school K-12 and has a great sense of humor.
One of my mom’s favorite movies is Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Is this a Catholic mom thing?
13!!!! Amazing!
Mazal tov on your bat/b’nai mitzvah, Autostraddle!
Heather, I see you with your early release Casey McQuiston book and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous.
Pleasepleaseplease make a call for everyone´s pictures at 13!!!!!!
Your little gallery is genius and hilarious, I need more and mostly to embarrass myself too…
Y’all were so cute and queer and adorable at 13! 💕
13-year-old me has a mad crush on all of your 13-year-old beautiful selves.
I would LOVE to hear what your moms’es favourite movies is – are – whatever. No pressure though, sometimes we and our mum parted ways and that’s just for the best.
And Yes to the 13 year-old community photo gallery !
Also, that weird-ass email you got Nicole, what the actual duck, it sounds like a threat ??
You are all awesome.
Still deciding if my love of Casey McQuiston is going to outweight my Parochial School Trauma.
Amazing content as always!
Thanks y’all, the Insider issues always give me such joy!!
Growing up my mom’s favorite movie was Paul Blart Mall Cop like if she had a really bad day teaching that’s what she’d watch.