Letter From Your Editors

Hey lovers and haters,

We hope your unnormal summer is going swimmingly, even if it doesn’t include swimming and extra congrats if it does! This is what new summer looks like for us:

1: Malic, Shelli, Kamala, Christina // 2: Carmen, Heather, Drew, Dani // 3 Rachel, Abeni, Vanessa (Congrats!!), Stef // 4: Valerie, Nicole, Ari, Sarah

On the whole, I’d say we’re doing about as well as anyone else, in that we’re taking this time of uncertainty to really rally together, be honest about where we’re all at and embrace our need for a fundraiser to make it through the gauntlet of 2020 — because if not now, when? So if this the first you’re hearing about our upcoming fundraiser, which launches next week, get ready for cheek-pinching levels of us talking about how cute you are and how much you all mean to us!

It’s been a whirlwind month in this new EIC role and I’ve spent a bundle of it with Carmen, listening to a lot of people share the hopes and dreams they have for Autostraddle — including yours, if you participated in our latest survey, and also mine, which can be annoying and wake me up in the middle of the night and consume all of my cheese.

But the thing about the rest of 2020 is that the entire thing is gonna be buoyed by hopes and dreams, and I’m excited that if nothing else, the blank slate, the anxious dreams, the dreadful dearths, the strange, new opportunities, that they can show us what is most important to us. For me, it’s all of the care and attention that everyone around Autostraddle — from our biggest fans to the random men who take the time to login to comment and tell us what a waste of time we are — thinks nothing of sharing with this community.

You’re truly gems, you make believing in abundance easy!

Love,

Kamala with Carmen / Laneia / Rachel / Heather / Nicole / Sarah / Riese

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From June

These posts were hella popular last month. Also I would like to tell the person who has been asking me to put the photos in order of their presence on the list that I DID IT!

1. The 200 Best Lesbian, Queer & Bisexual Movies of All Time, by Drew
2. How to Never Call the Cops Again: A Guide With a Few Alternatives To Calling Police, by Malic
3. 74 Bail Funds You Can Absolutely Support Right Now, by Carmen
4. Police and Prison Abolition 101: A Syllabus and FAQ, by Rachel
5. BREAKING: Actress Taylor Schilling Has an Actual Confirmed Girlfriend, Happy Pride To Us All, by Stef
6. Pop Culture Fix: A Coming Out party for Chyler Leigh and Lili Reinhart!, by Valerie
7. What’s Gay + New + Streaming on Netflix, Amazon and Hulu in June 2020? by Riese
8. One Last Letter From This Editor, by Riese
9. That’s So Raven Symoné Actually Got Gay Married, by Carmen
10. My Top 10 Favorite Lesbian Movies: Drew Gregory, by Drew

This Month on A+

• S L I C K: Something’s Happening to Rylen, by Mx. Nillin Lore
• Into the A+ Advice Box #14: What to Say to a Friend Proposing 6 Months In?, by The Team
• S L I C K: Yes, Daddy, by Ana Valens
• Into the A+ Advice Box #15: So Your Boss Sent a Hurtful Email About You, by the Team
• Our Deepest, Darkest Relationship Fears, NBD, by The Team
• You Oughta Know: The Letters to Our Exes We Won’t Send, by the Team

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Stef: important lesbian news
`‘Wishbone’ Film Adaptation in the Works From Mattel and Universal With Peter Farrelly Producing
Heather: oh man i was reading the glaad studio responsibility index today and multiple times it was like “well in this movie a raccoon and a deer are friends and that’s pretty gay right?”
Rachel:

Casey: Have ppl already heard about this? What do we think?
HBO Max to Develop Film Adaptation of Novel ‘When Katie Met Cassidy’
Ari: is this like gay when harry met sally
bc that’s the only heterosexual love story that i like, so i’m feeling positive

Laneia: Hey @channel ! This is due next Wednesday! The collage theme is Summertime Sadness Happiness!!! Questions? LMK xoxoxo
Heather: “Summertime Sadness Happiness!!!” was the alternate title for taylor swift’s new album
Laneia: !!!!!
we’re like this 🤞🏻
i’m actually the cardigan
Heather: I KNEW IT

Carmen: A present for Drew, and also for all of us:

Andy Samberg's reaction to Portrait of a Lady on Fire may be the best review of the film yet https://t.co/VnWfX1G6nR pic.twitter.com/tYgnpGhIP4

— Mary Anne Franks (@ma_franks) July 19, 2020

Heather: me every day of my life in all situations
Drew: You would think this would be a present for me but actually I’m very crabby and was like why are we praising Andy Samberg for liking a good movie! Nobody praised me for sitting through The Irishman!
Turns out my misandry and eye rolling at the low bar for famous men runs deep.
But also I generally like Andy Samberg and am glad he seems like a good dude. lol
Heather: andy samberg is perpetually like a guy i think i would hate and then i read an interview or whatever and he’s actually not too bad and my bar is so low for straight cis white men that “not too bad” feels like a solid achievement
it’s still weird as heck to me that he’s married to joanna newsom though
Riese: when i was watching the irishman and a guy showed up my feeling was absolutely “ugh, what’s this guy doing here? get him out of here. he’s ruining the vibe”

Nicole: do we want to do anything special for A+ ‘s anniversary
Laneia: whenst is this
Nicole: 7/11
Laneia: !
i just got an email from grubhub letting me know that 7/11 is now delivering
coincidence??? i think the fuck not

[re: Cuomo’s COVID poster]
Laneia: i hadn’t zoomed in on this thing yet wow
what the entire fuck truly
Rachel: there’s so much low hanging fruit i’m struggling for a good joke
like “tag yourself, i’m 111 days of hell” is too easy to even be fun
Laneia: is dorothy gale one of the people pulling the covid rope?
Rachel: what is the car doing on boyfriend cliff
also were the empty beds in the javits center section an intentional commentary or did they not think that through
Rachel: ok stef said she would try to write something – i asked her to @ the channel when it’s done bc i will probably be in therapy
Laneia: omg it is literally labeled boyfriend cliff???
Rachel: it is
Laneia: i think i would like to tag myself as the winds of fear

Valerie: it’s cute that they think people will use that emoji to be the italian hand gesture

👀 First look: Apple previews new emojis coming to iOS including Lungs, Ninja, and Bubble Tea #WorldEmojiDay https://t.co/C0RK3THL7M pic.twitter.com/WVArYL9jx4

— Emojipedia (@Emojipedia) July 16, 2020

(i know this is not TV related sorry)
here i can make it tv related – i hope kat doesn’t :fisting: any republicans next season
Drew: hahaha
I hope she :pinched fingers: some :transgender symbol: instead
Heather: omg
also wow those are some really anatomically correct hearts and lungs
Valerie: where’s my shriveled asthma lung representation

Heather: did you see that tweet that was like…. hang on, i’ll find it

LOVE this picture of Viola Davis tearing through a wall to get away from the Property Brothers pic.twitter.com/6NODQmV5Uj

— collin (@collinsapera) April 27, 2020

Drew: Finally the Widows sequel we’ve all been waiting for

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Jehan, Writer

Twitter: @jehanwrites
Instagram: @jehanwrites

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?

This is an incredibly difficult question because I adore sandwiches. But I’m currently craving this grilled cheese sandwich I make with kale or spinach, honey mustard, and a fried egg on top. A Chef’s kiss, I tell you!

What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

Dear God, there have been SO many. One that comes to mind is a date with a guy who asked to smell my neck because he “could tell [I] use coconut oil.” He then tried to feel me up under my shirt by repeatedly snapping my bra, and tried to kiss me with hot ass garlic breath. So I left early.

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?

I’ve been really proud of saying no a lot more lately. It’s not something I’m always good at, and it has been uncomfortable at times tbh. But it’s also been so relieving/gratifying.

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I sadly am not the most original when it comes to emojis. HOWEVER, this gif of Patti LaBelle encompasses every emotion I have ever experienced.

As an aside, you have to watch the performance to get the full effect.

If you could invite four famous people (dead or alive) to dinner, who would you choose and why?

Hmm, ok this is also tough. I’d say Zora Neale Hurston because I stan everything she ever did, Anaïs Nin because her diaries helped me believe in myself as an artist, Audre Lorde (obvs), and Zadie Smith because I met her once and she was hilarious and warm and she could teach me to wrap my hair better.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?

Lisa Bonet/Lilakoi Moon because of course.

OMMGGGG TERA AND ICHIGO HAD SEX LAST NIGHT!!!!!

Drew: Okay I know it’s 8:30p EST, but I have been thinking about this all day.

Why are there people on the penguin chart???
Abeni: drew … what … is this
Drew: hahahaha
The Chart penguin edition
Abeni: there are multiple humans!!! … hmm
Rachel: i know we love to laugh around here but i feel like the most likely reason is that they’re caretakers the penguins have rejected or now avoid? which is like… a lot to process, emotionally
Stef: i would be so sad if a penguin rejected me
i would never recover from that
Drew: But what about when there is an unbroken heart!
Some of them are still thriving!
Stef: maybe the thrill was gone
Drew: It looks like this penguin broke up with another penguin and started dating a human

Or maybe this is all happening simultaneously.
Polyamorous penguins.
Stef: like jada
Natalie: are there gay penguins?
Stef: yes!
there’s a whole children’s book
Drew: Oh I was assuming all these penguins were gay
Stef: they would have to be
straight penguins don’t intermingle like this
Drew: I think they do but just don’t talk about it as much
Stef: i bet they all gave the creator of the penguin chart a lot of shit
Drew: That joke is referencing something before my time but I want you to know that I got it
Stef: i’m projecting
Drew: We’re all projecting
Stef: i don’t do that anymore i respect everyone
Drew: Of course
Stef: ok this was haunting me so i did some research!

“So what do they tell us? The maps identify five main types of relationship among penguins.
The heart symbol (red lines) represents couples and lovers. Broken hearts (blue lines) mean busted relationships. Hearts with a question mark (purple lines) represent complicated relationships that may be more than just friendships. Yellow lines indicate basic friendships. Green lines are enemies.
The charts include personality descriptions, in Japanese, of each penguin and plus some inside juice on the relationships.
“What is written in the maps is based on everyday observations from the staff taking care of the penguins,” says Okuda. “By observing carefully, they could tell which penguins are couples or which couples are broken up.”
According to the Kyoto Penguin Relationship Chart 2020, one penguin, for example, will sway his head left and right vigorously — a sign of affection — whenever he sees Kojima, one of the aquarium caretakers.
The color bars next to each of the penguins’ names are used for identification so visitors can tell who they are.”

this article called the more promiscuous ones “penguinizers”
still not sure about the humans with red hearts but i’m still looking

“The most scandalous relationship? Father and son Kuruma and Nijou were (gasp!) romantically involved — marked as BL (Boys’ Love) — before falling for the same female penguin, Hana (more gasps!).”

ah

“Then there’s inter-species love.
The two Penguin Relationship Charts also reveal how the aquariums’ caretakers are unwittingly pulled into the penguins’ affairs of the heart.
Caretaker Nagaoka’s friendship with penguin Hanabi has made Hanabi’s wife Ichigo jealous, turning Nagaoka and Ichigo into enemies.
Chiyouchin is said to have “neverending love” for his caretaker Oshiro.
Caretaker Tanaka wants to befriend Kiriko, but Kiriko blows hot and cold — sometimes sulking with Tanaka for as long as 20 minutes.”

Abeni: wow
Stef: i have honestly never felt a burning desire to go to japan but this has ignited one inside me
for the penguin drama
Drew: STEF
I’m obsessed
Thank you
Also Caretaker Tanaka needs to maybe think about some therapy to figure out why they’re getting so attached to a hot and cold penguin
Stef:

“Tera is the biggest heartbreaker at the aquarium — she dumped six penguins in the past year. She’s currently seeing Orre — who is a control freak, according to the map — but also has love interests with Same and Shijyou (who is married).
After marrying Ajisai, who is loving and friendly to everyone, party animal Choco stopped going out at night.
But the one relationship that is the most shocking for all the staff is the love between Grandpa Kama, the oldest penguin in the aquarium, and Saya, the granddaughter of Grandpa Kama’s sister.
Sumida Aquarium’s drama
In addition to the five types of relationships, Sumida Aquarium has also added a fish symbol for the penguins who are a fan of sardines — or “The Sardine Club” member.
Rose (in the left blue bubble) and Warabi (in the pink bubble on the right) are a star couple at the Sumida Aquarium.”

tag yourself i’m ichigo
Drew: Chiyouchin sun, Tera rising, Caretaker Tanaka moon
Vanessa: STEF.
Nicole: This is really high quality info!!! Are any of the penguins lesbians?
Vanessa: i like where your head is at, nicole
i think this is my fave part:

“Caretaker Nagaoka’s friendship with penguin Hanabi has made Hanabi’s wife Ichigo jealous, turning Nagaoka and Ichigo into enemies.”

i think i’m The Sardine Club
Nicole: there’s something about the word “enemies” used in a light social context that is endlessly funny to me idk why
Vanessa: is it also when that word is specifically applied to a jealous penguin wife and a human caretaker?
Nicole: that probably has a lot to do with it
Vanessa: hahahaha
i would watch a tv show about this drama
Nicole: i would also
Ari: “(red lines) represents couples and lovers” still stuck on this one
because why would a penguin and a human have a redline?! but they do!
Nicole: maybe the penguin has a crush?
Vanessa: “Then there’s inter-species love.”
Nicole: i just really hope it’s not the human with the crush
Ari: BUT WHAT IF IT IS NICOLE
i’m nervous sorry for yelling
Nicole: BUT I DON’T WANT IT TO BE
lol it’s ok
Vanessa: Nervous About The Penguin Relationship Chart: An Autostraddle Story
Rachel: if this were a reality show Ichigo’s confessionals would be the clear highlight
Vanessa: i appreciate that we are all immediately drawn to her
Christina: Y’all this is the greatest gift I have ever gotten
Rachel: gone girl: ichigo
Ari: she’s a star

What We’ve Been Reading

Carolyn: We Had No Rules by Corinne Manning

Malic: Empty by Susan Burton

Drew: Mirrors: Portrait of a Lesbian Transsexual by Beth Elliott

Vanessa: Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close
by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman

Heather: A Song Below Water by Bethany C. Morrow

Ari: The Jewish Study Bible by G-d?

Natalie: March: Book One by Andrew Aydin, John Lewis and Nate Powell

Shelli: I Don’t Want to Die Poor by Michael Arceneaux

Abeni: Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari

Riese: In the Dream House, by Carmen Maria Machado

Sarah: Skim, written by Mariko Tamaki, Illustrated by Jillian Tamaki

Carmen: You Were Born For This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance by Chani Nicholas

Kamala: My Baby First Birthday by Jenny Zhang

Nicole: A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin

HOW YOUR MERCEDES MASON SAUSAGE GETS MADE

10:21 PM
Riese: HIE
christina
i have some unfortunate news for you
this no filter contains 9 pictures of mercedes mason
i am debating if it would be funnier to just publish it as is

7:24 AM
Christina: LAMOOOOOOO NOOOO WHAT
Oh my god I am laugh crying
okay this simply must be published as it is so funny, but I can def edit it later today after I make fun of myself for but

9:34 AM
Riese: IT’S GOIN UP CHRISTINA
Christina: Its so funn
funny
whew
Riese: already got one commenter who’s very into it
Christina: I love to make art
Riese: i did laugh
like as each picture of mercedes mason rolled past
and then yet another
and then also another picture of mercedes mason
there she is again!
Christina: I could have SWORN I did a preview check but

10:04 AM
Christina: how long? should we leave up?? like SHOULD I edit it??
Riese: let’s give it like …. 2-3 hours? unless there is a clamor for it to stay
Christina: okay that’s about what I was thinking
Riese: it’s important u give people what they want
like mercedes mason in formal trousers and a … sports bra
Christina: Happy Wednesday to my community

ONE GREAT MUG

Welcome to “One Great Mug” — in which a staff member will share a photo of a mug they love. A story about the arbiter of caffeine and/or warmth that gets them through the day.

My mother raises chickens in her yard, and it’s one of the things I miss most about living with her! Years ago, people started buying her all kinds of chicken-themed products without her ever having expressed a desire for them — salt and pepper shakers, figurines, art, whatever. She’s always a little annoyed by it but also now she buys me chicken-themed things too; she gave me this mug, and I use it on weekends for my extra-large cup of coffee or tea and to make me think about home. — Rachel

Across the Pond Retro-Reading

Some posts centered on the UK that Riese thinks you might enjoy.

Photo by Chanel Moye via The Burlesque Show

On the Trail of the Quaker Aunts, by Elinor Rooks (June 2019) – “It was a cold summer day in Yorkshire when I first heard the startling tale of Benia rescuing the refugee children from Nazi Germany.”

Attempting to Excavate British Queer History, by Sally (October 2019) – “None of this was helping to resolve the weird discomfort I felt at not knowing whether Pride Month was really a thing in Britain, and furthermore whether the American culture I was consuming was leaving a huge deficit when it came to knowledge of my own country’s LGBT history. I think this fear is a common ruse of the queer subconscious. Even if you’ve lived your whole life with the most preternatural, precocious gayness that should have been recognised and entered into international competition at the age of 4, you will still feel that there is some essential gay trick that you are missing”.

I Rewatched “Lip Service” and Now I Feel a Whole Lot Better About the Current State of Lesbian TV, by Heather Davidson (2017) – “No, what Lip Service was interested in showing you was sex, and lots of it – sex involving razors, sex involving funeral homes, sex involving condiments. Honestly, it was a trip. Maybe one of the bad trips that make you feel like your face is falling off, but a trip nonetheless.”

20 Recipes For British Sandwich Week, by Siobhan (2017) – “… in honour of the week gone by I’ve rounded up some of the best British sandwiches on the internet for your tasting pleasure.”

Follow Your Arrow: Queer Hairdresser Klara Vanova on Trust and Community, by Beth (2017) – “I grew up under my mum’s hairdressing legs. I loved the atmosphere, the smells, the community and the bond between the clients and their hairdressers. At the same time, I knew that it wouldn’t be for me the way it was for her — very gendered. I wanted to focus on short hair whatever the gender.”

London’s Pride Posters, Ranked by “What the Fresh Hell Were They Thinking?”, by Heather Davidson (2017) – “Looking through the poster set, all you can ask is “What the fresh hell were they thinking? ” We’ll likely never receive an answer, presumably because the sound of desperate grasping for approval from the corporate establishment is quite hard to transcribe. Instead, we can only stare in increasingly angry confusion and eventually decide to rank the posters from least to most incomprehensible in a futile attempt to get some kind of handle on whatever thought process produced this bizarre fuck up.”

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Year of Our (Audre) Lorde: July Is a Black Unicorn, by Jehan
This is what I needed to read this week and I bet it is for you, too — Jehan talks about how Lorde is “able to crystallize the experience of intersectionality — the feelings of exhaustion, fury, disgust, and hope,” an emotional and psychological space I think we can all practice inhabiting a little better after reading this piece.

Can Queer Businesses Survive COVID-19? Here’s How Some Are Trying, by Sloane
It’s been so frustrating to watch so many institutions and organizations that have the resources to respond to the pandemic in a compassionate, responsible way just choose not to – but it makes it all the more galvanizing to see how queer businesses with very few resources are doing amazing things for their employees and communities.

Scenes from a Gender: Illustrated Moments of Trans Womanhood, by Bishakh Som
I’m obsessed with the pairing of these vibrant scenes and the vignettes that come with them; it’s so rare that we get to really genuinely share in and inhabit someone else’s experiences, but in this format we can, and it’s so arresting.

Criterion’s “Portrait Of A Lady on Fire” Release Is Incredible — We Still Deserve More, by Drew
I know so little about ~film~ – my favorite lesbian move is like, DEBS – but this meditation from Drew on what actually lesbian art as opposed “art with lesbians in it” looks like is so important, and really the kind of conversation that’s important for us all to have in thinking about what the idea of queer or lesbian creative work looks like beyond questions of representation.

Crafting the Narrative of Abuse, by Corinne Manning
Still thinking about this really self-examining and challenging piece about how abuse of power and each other works in queer contexts, and the way it differs (or we want to believe it differs) from the violence done by straight people. “I took the kind of narratives that often held white middle class straight people and populated them with white middle class queers, and I suddenly realized our complicity in systems of violence were even more apparent. If a middle aged white lesbian abuses power just like a middle aged white straight man, does it get read the same way? If a twenty-something roommate who is a man “instructs” another 16-year-old roommate who is a woman on how to touch his dick and tells her it isn’t sex, how is it different than if we set this story amongst queer, woman-identified people during the current era of our nostalgia: the 90s?”

Penguinizer, Reprise

Heather: i’m all caught up and “green lines are enemies” is my favorite thing happening here and would be a welcome addition to the l word’s chart
or any queer relationship chart tbh
when you start hanging out with new queers, they should give you at least a green line chart
Stef: Are you the penguin
Pengu-one? I’m working on it.
All Scorpios have green line charts in their phones just in case
Vanessa: i do feel like as queer people we are uniquely situated to understand this chart better than a straight person
Stef: I agree
Maybe the staff at the Kyoto aquarium are really fancy and they look after the penguins in tuxedos?
You know how they keep saying your cat just thinks you’re another, bigger cat
I’m not trying to justify the interspecies love, I just want to understand
Vanessa: i’m so sorry they keep saying what now, stef
your cat thinks you’re another bigger cat?
Stef: Cats Probably Think We’re One Of Them
Just a big, stupid, clumsy hairless cat who can’t see in the dark or hunt but does somehow know the secret to opening cans
Vanessa: hahahaha we all have our strengths
Stef: penguinizer penguin penguinizer you’re a penguinizer oh penguinizer oh
Drew: My favorite part of green lines are enemies is sometimes penguins with green lines are on opposite sides of the chart (keeping their distance) and sometimes they’re very close (same social circle, sharing exes, etc)
Heather:
Stef: lollipop… you must mistake me for a suckerrrr
Rachel: glaad award for everyone on this one
Ari: you you you are you you you are penguinizer penguinzer penguinzer penguiniiiiiizer
Abeni: sounds gay drew
Laneia: wow i can’t wait to read back in this channel today after i’ve done all my work, as a treat
Stef: vanderpenguin rules? still working on it
Rachel: y’all last night i drew a chart for vanessa to explain an IRL network of relationships and her reaction was “oh… like the penguins”
Vanessa: rachel used solid lines and dotted lines to denote different relationships! it was a clear homage to the penguins.
Drew: Will probably be healthier to model life after the penguins than The L Word TBH
Rachel: i’m just impressed w the incredible brand saturation the penguins have achieved in 48 hours
they’ve already superceded tlw
“oh, like the penguins”
Vanessa: I’m dressing up as a penguin for Halloween
Who wants to join me
Drew: Can’t wait for Halloween 2020 when we’re all on Zoom dressed like DIY penguins
Vanessa: 🐧💻🎃
Stef: but i already got my plague doctor mask
maybe i’ll be a plague doctor penguin
grandpa kama the plague doctor
i have definitely made a color coded version of this chart before, once to explain a very weird network of people who had all dated the same terrible person somehow
i can’t find it but i bet i could draw it again from memory, but the lines were definitely color coded for friends, people who were or had previously dated
Drew: Someday when I write a memoir I’m going to have a chart like this at the front the way people who care about their biological families include a family tree
Stef: we’re going to need it

XOXO

Team Autostraddle

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!