Letter From Your Editors
Hello gaggles!
Laneia’s theme for this particular collage was “take a picture of yourself right now” and this is how that turned out:
You may notice that the Senior Editors were all together as a family on the day that this picture was taken. This is because for the last week, we’ve been inside my house planning and processing and crying and laughing and basically covering all the verbs in that L Word theme song! We had so many wonderful meals, shared incredible laughter, and took very special photographs.
Why the crying, you may ask. Well.
Every month in our letter from the editor we tell y’all a new reason why we’re behind and not delivering on everything we want to deliver and being everything we want to be. Every month! And then we make promises about things we’re gonna do and sometimes we keep them and usually we don’t! A mere three months ago I told you that we’d all had a mental breakdown and were going to start changing things around here, but OH MAN this week’s breakdown made that mental breakdown look like a scrimmage in the rain. This week we won the World Cup of Emotional Processing.
Eventually, one must face the facts: regardless of circumstances, the workload we have assigned to ourselves is more than we can execute. Our jobs will never get easier unless a pile of money falls from the sky or we radically change how our team is structured.
Most publications with a budget like ours have a very small team, a limited stable of writers, and a finite set of topics and perspectives they claim to represent. Autostraddle is more than that, though — we’re a community and a collective and a political movement. We started this publication with a narrow demographic focus and now we’ve somehow taken on the responsibility of representing every queer woman and non-binary person, ever. We listen to feedback from our readers about representation they crave and stories they want us to cover and generally agree to make their wishes into realities. We do our best to ensure that stories about a certain identity group are told by members of that group, because that’s important and what every magazine should do. This requires having, on hand, representatives from a vast array of demographic groups (race, ability status, geographical location, religion, gender identity, gender presentation). At the same time, a large percentage of our most reliably popular writers are very demographically similar, but the site can’t survive without us/them. So, this means that the Senior Editors are communicating regularly with around 50 very-underpaid writers and editors, as well as writing 35% of our site content and managing revenue streams, Camp, social media, and everything else. IT’S TOO MUCH! Plus, we really miss having dedicated, uninterrupted time to write.
We’re also LGBTQ+ people which means a significant percentage of us struggle with various mental health issues… and are often down to process feelings and listen to everybody’s fears and anxieties. This includes me and most of the Senior Editors. When we spread out our hours on the table and looked at how we spend them, we realized we spend far too many on emotional labor, and none of that is apparent to you. All you see is that we’re not writing, that we’re not covering what you want us to.
Something has shifted in the last few years to where Autostraddle is publicly perceived as mighty and powerful, thus opening us up to persistent (and rarely valid) criticism and active tribes of zealous haters. We’re blessed to be largely exempt from bullying by straight cis men on the internet, but the constant barrage from our own community on social media and the site itself wears us down, and that frustration is apparent when we respond to critical comments. You can feel the fire simmering underneath the words we choose, this sense that we’ll never get it right, and that nobody understands how hard we’re trying. We do not have the budget to do what everybody expects us to do. We don’t even have the budget to take “running social media” off Heather’s plate or “running the business” off my plate, you know? (You know, you get it: that’s why you’re here, in an A+ post.) We are drowning.
Which is how a conversation about something else entirely turned into a conversation about how we’ve all been feeling like failures while also fearing speaking up about it or putting any of our work on somebody else’s plate because we’re so aware of how busy everybody else is, too. We often take too long to get back to people about their pitches and to deliver feedback, and things are constantly falling through the cracks or piling up around us. We’re losing our minds, we’re not well, we never put ourselves first. The night that we let all that out — the night we were clear and honest about where we’re at and what we’re capable of, was one of the most important nights in Autostraddle history. Running a virtual office is fucking hard, y’all. We’d be so much more functional if we could spend more time in the same room!
Lesbian magazines have a long history of brief lifespans. The interpersonal drama, political battles, ruthless criticism from readers and a general lack of funding (which often leads to a lack of diversity, as middle-class white cis women are most likely to be able to work for free or close to it) has led nearly every lesbian magazine in history to shutter within 2-10 years of its launch. We want to be different.
We intend to survive.
Usually I end a letter like this with more promises, but NOPE not this time. I don’t know what’s going to happen next! We’re closing submissions and not bringing on anybody new ’til we get rolling with our new Staff Writers and have more POC in leadership positions. We’re restructuring our team and our workday. We’re planning an A+ membership drive. We’re narrowing down the subjects and types of content we’re confidently able to deliver. But most of all, we’re being honest and direct with each other about our capabilities, and that will lead to a level of accountability never before seen! We left this week feeling grounded and capable in a way we’ve honestly never felt before.
The good news is that our website is already pretty fucking awesome, so we’ve got a very solid base on which to build and build. This week has been also THRILLING because Lesbian Kens went wildly viral and Tegan & Sara came to our party and Mal’s post about Pride made a serious impact and our new writers are incredible and A-Camp was on the Nancy Podcast!
Thank you to all of you for being A+ members, for sending us supportive messages in the A+ box, for telling us so many kind and important things in your surveys. We hope to continue to do right by you for as long as we possibly fucking can.
We hope you enjoyed our second journey into the A+ advice box, our overdue Some Answers to Some Questions, Stef’s interview with her ex-“GIRLFRIEND??!”, Getting In Bed With Kristin: PRIDE and Getting In Bed With Kristin: Ask Me Anything.
Love,
Riese
co-signed by Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather
Top 10 Most Popular Posts From May 2017
These posts were hella popular last month.
1. 55 Lesbians Having A Bad Time In BDSM Stock Photos, by Carolyn Yates
2. Alia Shawkat is Bisexual: “Arrested Development” Star Casually Comes Out, by Heather Hogan
3. Netflix’s Anne of Green Gables Can’t Even Be Saved By Canonical Queerness, by Heather Hogan
4. Visions for “The L Word” Reunion That’s Maybe Possibly Happening, by Kayla and Erin
5. “13 Reasons Why” Is Messed Up and Bad, Also Has a Lesbian Character, by Riese
6. NSFW Sunday Is Laughing, Crying, Sneezing, by Carolyn
7. Summer 2017 Gay TV Preview: Some Lesbian, Bisexual and Queer Characters For Ya, by Riese
8. Diana Taurasi Is Gay (and Gay Married to Former WNBA Teammate Penny Taylor), by Heather
9. 16 Meals and Snacks To Maintain The Level Of Sad You Already Feel, by Riese
10. “Supergirl” Episode 219 Recap: Hope Floats, by Valerie
Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations
Heather: the new “wordpress events and news” box on the wordpress home page is a hoot. “informal wordpress meetup, june 20”
Rachel: mmm i think i’m gonna hold out for the formal one
the black tie
Heather: i’m waiting for the co-webinar with murally
Vanessa: HI GAYS if we are gonna have a ken doll hashtag do you think it should be: #LesbianKen or #QueerKen — keeping in mind that many ppl submitting do not identify as Lesbians I am leaning toward Queer Ken? Thoughts?
Faith: #Lesbiken
Vanessa: #LesbiKen is so funny but I don’t want to alienate our readers? Idk I’ve been offline for a long time someone decide for me
Cameron: #otherken is an option for people who identify as alienated
Jenna: We already called it lesbian ken a bunch… did anyone speak up about feeling alienated?
Faith: other is arguably alienating.
basically everything is alienating. just do the funny one!
Stef: otherken is also funny
Faith: don’t take my advice. also.
Jenna: yeah, as a queer-ID’d person, I still vote for #LesbiKen
Stef: problematicken
Vanessa: I mean I identify as a lesbian!
Faith: i know nothing and everything.
Jenna: eh, personally i think LesbiKen is funnier than LesbianKen
Cameron: #YesWeKen
Jenna: but idk QueerKen is also great
Cameron: (i really like #lesbiken though, top choice)
Jenna: never mind don’t listen to me either this is too much responsibility
Faith: lol
Stef: years from now in an unrelated comment section someone will use whatever we choose as evidence that autostraddle discriminates against them specifically
so pick your poison
Vanessa: Hahaha Stef real
Faith: truuuuue
#LGBTK
Cee: i don’t id as a woman or lesbian but i think i’d still hashtag it lesbiken fwiw
b/c it’s funny
but i do get why folks wouldn’t
Molly: #KenderStudies
Cee: :joy:
Cameron: #Kenderbend
Faith: KENDERBLENDER
Cee: great work everyone
Valerie: “ken of center” still makes me lol when i remember it
but not a great hashtag so not helpful
Stef: kenderbender is also a+
Valerie: indeed
Stef: kenderisasocialconstruct
Valerie: kenderspectrum
Molly: #Autostraddolls
Faith: Kenderfluid?
KENIGETYOURNUMBER
OK I’M DONE YELLING
Cameron: sounds like something manbun ken would yell at someone on the street
Faith: It’s spelled K3N
But it’s pronounced Kahnneth
Vanessa: I wish we could just publish this convo
ALAS
Stef:
Mey: I’m glad I have a new thing to be terrified of
Whipped cream and whales
My two biggest fears
Stef: and fitness!
Stef: gaby btw is actively campaigning to be in no filter which is the least any of these ingrates could do
Cameron: way to go gaby, doing the good work
Stef: she yelled at me at camp for not featuring her more and i told her to be more interesting
Cameron: well. she did just take a photo with Stefanie Beatriz so i think she’s taking your advice
Stef: she texted it to me
to make sure i knew
nobody has ever worked so hard
Cameron: on brand
Stef: winner of the thirst games
on and off season
Siobhan: so I feel like this might be an important fact for anyone who writes about the dead lesbians on tv: the titanic had a higher survival rate than women on tv shows in same gender relationships
Stef: no lifeboats
Molly: fewer doors to lie upon
Siobhan: you’re killing me
(and if you don’t make an iceberg pun now I’ll be disappointed)
Molly: fewer people promising they’d never let go but then TOTALLY letting go when it’s convenient
actually wait
that one’s the same
Stef: pitch: a weekly series called “problematic mary takes on…” where one of us writes an anonymous positive review of something problematic
Mey: OMFG I LOVE THATTTTTT
Alaina: OMG
i call Archer bc gd, i love that show and it is AWFUL.
Laura: very into this
sign me up to review fur coats
Meet A New Contributor!
Get to know some of our newest faces.
Reneice Charles, Staff Writer
Twitter: @reneicespieces
Instagram: @reneicespieces
What would be your superpower and why?
Does apparition count as a superpower? Cause it’s legitimately the only thing I want. If I could go anywhere I wanted within seconds and not have to pay airfare, wait in security lines, and sit next to people who never stop talking on public transportation I’d be the happiest woman alive.
If you could invite four famous people (dead or alive) to dinner, who would you choose and why?
Whitney Houston, Erykah Badu, Beyoncé, and my future wife Janelle Monáe. We would eat soul food then spend the night making the most epic music and then I’d die of happiness.
Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
Ugh. Okay, this was before I stopped dating men. I met this guy for drinks and he immediately starts talking about how we should have babies together because they’d be basketball super stars. Mind you, he was all of 5’7″ so apparently he was planning to capitalize on my height and uterus alone. Then he got salty that I didn’t offer him the last bite of the food, that I bought myself, and said “that’s a sign of love to share your last bite, you don’t love me?” to which I responded with the blankest of stares. Lastly, I think he realized I wasn’t into him and wanted me to think he was cool and tough or something, so he launched into a story about how he’d choked out his ex girlfriend’s brother once because he didn’t like the way the brother spoke to him. He then proceeded to demonstrate the best way to choke someone and maximize constriction by standing up, reaching across the table, wrapping his hands around my throat, and pretending to choke me with the correct and incorrect thumb placements. Nothing like ending a date with an entire bar thinking you’re being strangled in public. That was the last man I ever dated.
What’s your morning ritual like?
I wake up naturally around 7am. I have orange and white curtains so the sunlight slips through really gradually and turns everything a warm blush tone which is an amazing thing to wake up to and I highly recommend it. I do a little yoga to wake my body up then go for a two mile walk. When I get back I make breakfast and eat it on the porch while I look over my to do list for the day.
If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
The burrito. Burritos are the answer to everything.
What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
I’ve been really good about doing my dishes. This is a huge accomplishment for me and everyone should be proud.
What We’ve Been Reading
Reneice: You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero
Casey: The Conjoined by Jen Sookfong Lee, Scarborough by Catherine Hernandez, and My Life in Middlemarch by Rebecca Mead
Alaina: Techniques of Pleausre: BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality by Margot Weiss
Lucy: When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon
Heather: Beren And Lúthien by J.R.R. Tolkien
Priya: The Ministry of Utmost Happiness by Arundhati Roy
Valerie Anne: Wonder Woman Vol. 1 by Greg Rucka & Sensation Comics Featuring Wonder Woman Vol. 1 by Gail Simone
Stef: Laura Jane Grace’s Autobiography!!! by Laura Jane Grace
Heather Davidson: Moving Politics: Emotion and ACT UP’s Fight against AIDS by Deborah B. Gould
Carrie: Al Franken, Giant of the Senate by Al Franken
Laura M: A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas
Erin: White Girls by Hilton Als
Nora: The Girls by Emma Cline
Aisha: Swallow The Fish by Gabrielle Civil
Sarah: The Square Donut by Lauren Crane
Molly P: Saga series by Brian K Vaughn, Fiona Staples
Raquel: Girls on Fire: A Novel by Robin Wasserman
Riese: How To Watch Television, edited by Ethan Thompson and Jason Mittell
SLACKERS
Last month Slack introduced status messages to the world. Like AIM away messages but for what you’re working on in the office today. Riese immediately implemented a complicated system of emoji statuses, and while we were at our senior staff shakedown this week we asked her to make a key for us so we can be aware of her daily emotions and anticipate her every need. Here’s what we found out.
A Monthly Infographic About You!
This is from the results of our 2017 Autostraddle Mini Reader Survey! It looks like y’all are not the most religious group… FYI, the “Other” included Unitarian Universalist, which we should’ve included and we’re sorry, and also a lot of Wiccan and Pagan associations. We were using a “certified question” from Surveymonkey for this one, which we’ve never done before and probably will never do again, because “Atheist or Agnostic” is kind of weird and it also enabled us to not think about other religions to include. So, in conclusion…
infographic by Sarah Sarwar
June Retro-Reading
Some posts from previous Junes Riese thinks you might enjoy.
Long-Distance Flying 101: Music, Reading, Eating, Friend-Making, Drinking, Sleeping and Conquering Fears, by Crystal, Riese, Laneia, Taylor, Natalie (2010) – Doing some traveling this summer? This can help!
Photographs: New York City The Night We Won Same-Sex Marriage, by Robin Roemer (2011) OH WHAT A NIGHT
It’s More Fun When We’re Co-Conspirators, by Laneia (2013) – This is one of your favorite posts by Laneia, I’m pretty sure of it.
Lez Get Dressed For Work: The Working Bois Of Summer, by Gabrielle Korn (2013) – Tips for staying cool when it’s hot and you’re masculine-of-center and have to look nice at work, written by Gabrielle Korn who is a superstar at Nylon magazine now!
15 Ways To Spot A Lesbian According To Some Really Old Medical Journals, by Riese (2012) All of this still applies and is still hilarious.
Bonus Kens
You probably read our “75 Ken Dolls Ranked By Lesbianism” Post because the entire internet did. But, here’s an insider tip: it was gonna be 100 Ken Dolls, but wordpress was ruining my life and I had to pick up Heather from the airport. So, my best most loyal friends, here are some BONUS KENS that didn’t make it into the post for your personal enjoyment.
Butterfly Art Ken
Dufrau: this is a mom
Cameron: i thought it was me.
Dufrau: ohhh i though the butterfly art was a beach bag
Riese: i think those are henna tattoos
Cameron: welp.
Dufrau: if not a beach bag, maybe not a mom
Stef: riese you have dated butterfly art ken i don’t even want to hear about it
Riese: maybe marni is butterfly art ken
at the very least i’m confident butterfly art ken knows how to play the guitar
Molly: dabbles in bongos
Stef: i think butterfly art ken’s singing voice is probably very similar to marni but they’re probably into different stuff, like for example butterfly art
I have never spoken to marni about butterfly art but i can’t see it being one of her passions tbh
Mod Hair Ken
Dufrau: mod hair ken owns a womens book store
Cameron: mod hair ken seeks out art auctions & estate sales
Ski Fun Ken
Dufrau: this is not ken, this is wrestling legend ric flair
Family Camping Ken
Cameron: west coast city lesbian discovers KOA campsites on a road trip, thinks they’re quaint. is obsessed. now plans monthly cookouts. it’s very cute.
Beefy Ken
Cameron: johnny quest
Valerie: I’m at Six Flags in New Jersey today and have seen every single one of these Kens in the park.
Jenna: that feels right
Fashion Insider Ken
Jenna: i just wish she would prioritize our relationship over work ONE GODDAMN TIME
Bath Play Fun Ken
Dufrau: why does she wear shorts in a bath
Cameron: maybe she’s a nevernude
Basic Ken
Cameron: i feel like basic ken wants to know why you always have to make it about race.
Cor Do Verao Ken
Dufrau: her neck is broken, she is dead
Riese: i’m worried about her neck too
seems like she might be kinda just … catching some rays
Cameron: she came to my backyard party, drank all the beer & left for a tinder date
Hot Rocking Fun Ken
Dufrau: she only speaks in whispers
Jenna: you have theories that she is actually the green ribbon girl from scary stories to tell in the dark
so you stay away from the scarf
Prince Siegfriend
Cameron: all i thought upon seeing this was “welcome to duloc it’s the perfect town…”
Secret Hearts Ken
Dufrau: JULIE ANDREWS
Cameron: ^^
Jenna: Dufrau, are you turned on rn?
Dufrau: Calling me out, damn
and yes
Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month
Queen Sugar Is a Black Feminist Masterclass Coming Back to Your TV and Queen Sugar Does Black Lives Matter Storytelling Right, by Carmen Phillips
Y’all have been asking us to cover Queen Sugar for SO LONG and we have been trying to for SO LONG. I feel like I remember the actual Big Bang, the birth of the universe, because during it we were having a conversation about how to get someone to cover Queen Sugar. And now the day has come! Carmen is here writing about it! She’s doing a very good job! Please read it!
Day in the Life: Lisa Cannistraci, Activist and Lesbian Bar Owner, by Molly Adams
This is a piece on the co-owner of the longest-running lesbian bar in the US! Are you fucking kidding me! How are you not as obsessed with this as I am! You can see her walking her dogs!
Queer Crip Love Fest: In Control of My Own Narrative, Carrie Wade interviewing Sandy Ho
I’ve loved this whole column and I’ve been interested in Sandy Ho’s work previous to this, but this was just really good to read and gave me a ton to think and feel and I think you’ll appreciate it!
Read A F-cking Book: SJ Sindu’s “Marriage Of A Thousand Lies”, by Casey
I know you haven’t read a book like this before because I don’t think it existed really before SJ Sindu wrote it, but I think you’re really going to be into it and also this interview! Please give yourself the gift of proving me right.
Queer Latinx and Black People Deserve More Than “Love and Kindness” After Orlando, by Yvonne
I’ve read a lot of pieces about Pulse and also a lot of pieces around Pride season and what we talk about when we talk about “love” and whether it “is love” or perhaps “wins,” and I am here to tell you that this is the best piece that has been written on topics of our community and our pain and the disparities in how it’s experienced and the ways in which it needs to be addressed. I think many of you may have read this and just not commented, but regardless, Yvonne is brilliant and I need you to read this now before moving forward with your days and lives; it’s non-negotiable. Thank you!
Mey’s Pick of the Month
Every time you see one of my super amazing summer selfies, you’re probably asking yourself “Mey, how do you wear such scandalously short skirts and not worry about any thigh chafing? Well, the answer is Motherfucking Gold Bond Friction Defense. Last year I threw out all my pants and leggings and then this year I stopped wearing shorts too, and dang, the entirety of each of my thighs touches the entirety of the other. So I wear Gold Bond Friction Defense literally every freaking day of my life, and I haven’t experienced any chafing or chub rub since I bought my first stick two years ago. I swear by the stuff. It’s literally my favorite product on the entire earth. If you want to wear skirts or dresses or bodysuits or swimsuits or nothing, and you don’t want your thighs to get chafed to hell, wear Gold Bond Friction Defense. I want them to sponsor me. Seriously. I would be in commercials for this product if they just gave me three free sticks.
Alumni Interview
Carmen F*cking Rios, Community Director & Feminism Editor, 6 Years at Autostraddle
What are you doing without us?
I’m the Digital Editor at Ms., Managing Editor (and co-founder!) of Argot, a Contributor at Everyday Feminism, and co-host of the very funny and very queer and very feminist and honestly also very underappreciated podcast THE BOSSY SHOW. I also get a notification every single time Hillary Clinton tweets so that I can reply to said tweets and tell her how much I love her. Like, as feminist praxis. When I’m not devising strategies to slow the transformation of the U.S. into the Republic of Gilead, I’m still up to my old tricks: crying at SoulCycle, driving the PCH, literally screaming, chugging liters of Evian, and posting passive-aggressive shit on the Internet.
Also, I’m blonde now. Sorry.
What do you miss the most about me?
There simply is no Slack channel like the Autostraddle Slack channel.
Would you invite us to your wedding, yes or no?
I can’t tell if this is a trick question. You guys do know love is a lie and we all die alone, right? That being said, I am cordially inviting the entire staff and every single Autostraddle reader to my In-N-Out themed funeral. It’s also an open mic, so please bring your ukelele. Don’t dress cute, though. Nobody likes a show-off.
Social Media Spotlight
Oh hey, maybe you heard that Tegan and Sara just showed up at Housing Works last weekend to hang out with the Autostraddle and Everyone Is Gay crowd.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BVvBbk9lpl8/?taken-by=teganandsara
Maybe you heard Billboard magazine was there documenting it.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BV5wzp5lSik/?taken-by=teganandsara
Maybe you heard a lot of our readers and writers also documented it.
here to tell you i did not recognize tegan and sara at the @autostraddle pride party today but was fully checking sara out for half an hour.
— Stef Schwartz (@stefschwartz) June 25, 2017
remember when tegan and sara surprised everyone at the @everyoneisgay pride party and talked about how much they love autostraddle I DO
— kayla kumari upadhyaya (@KaylaKumari) June 25, 2017
Today was the very best day. Hundreds of you came out to celebrate and share space with us, and my heart is so big it might well burst. ❤️🌈🎉 pic.twitter.com/AC8rYEUNjt
— kristin russo (@kristinnoeline) June 25, 2017
Anyway, that’s all. Maybe that’s a thing you heard.
A Confusion of Bisexuals
Stef: did we ever figure out what a group of bisexuals is called?
a greed? a confusion?
a comic sans ?
i have a book of these and it’s not in there
Cameron: a promiscuity sounds fun
Stef: a nightmare of bisexuals
a lexapro of bisexuals
Cameron: a kinsey of bisexuals
Molly: a garden of bisexuals
“oh excuse me i must go to my garden of bisexuals”
a river of bisexuals?
Stef: i like a confusion of bisexuals myself
the book i have is called ‘an exaltation of larks’
i love plurals like that
Cameron: a scream of bisexuals
Mey: a babadook of bisexuals
Stef: i made a twitter poll
then what is a group of babadooks?
a murder, probably
Cameron: a postpartum
Mey: a bisexual of babadooks
Stef: WOW
a group of peacocks is called an ostentation
one of my favorites is that a group of giraffes is a kindergarten
Molly: a group of rhinos is a rumble, which i like
Stef: there are so many good ones
Molly: has anyone said a projection of bisexuals yet
Stef: remember when carolyn came up with “a disturbia of ants”
i already loved carolyn but that was the moment i knew it was forever
Cameron: no. i was thinking of an iridescence of bisexuals. it sounds so bright and colorful. which. idk
Stef: but bisexuals only have three colors
Cameron: a tricolor of bisexuals
Molly: a napolean ice cream of bisexuals
Stef: ohh
Cameron: neapolitan
Stef: right now a kinsey is winning
but a lexapro is doing a strong showing
nobody has selected a confusion
which is
confusing
Molly: i think that’s touchy anymore
Cameron: they’re spinning out
Molly: a breath of bisexuals
an actuality of bisexuals
Stef: a yikes of bisexuals
Molly: bunker
Stef: aw a bunk of bisexuals @cee
Cameron: awww
Molly: a bunk bed of bisexuals
Cameron: a bandwagon of bisexuals
Stef: a kincaid of bisexuals
Cameron: i was gonna say a Rachel of bisexuals earlier, wasn’t sure if it was appropriate
Stef: tbh i like that one
it sounds like a convoy
Molly: a brood of bisexuals
omg a group of buffalo is called an obstinancy
Cameron: a mirage of bisexuals
Stef: dark
Molly: clowder
Stef: a glaring
learned at alpine meadows, a group of moths is called an eclipse
because they block out the sun
enjoy that visual
Molly: a brace
a group of ground ducks is called a BADLING
a badling of bisexuals
Stef: ground ducks
as opposed to SPACE DUCKS
Molly: ducks on the ground
omg it’s a troubling of goldfish
Siobhan: well goldfish are troubling
occasionally you’ll get one that lives for decades and grows to the size of a koi carp and you’re like wtf are you?
Heather: a Bobbis of bisexuals
Stef: wow
a beth march of bisexuals
Cee: i voted for a confusion Stef, to even it out a little
Stef: cee i appreciate you
i still am personally holding out for a kincaid of bisexuals
Molly: a roosevelt of bisexuals
Stef: hmmm
a kstew of queers
Casey: I also like confusion! Just voted in the Twitter poll and am sad confusion is so low.
Rachel: y’all i leave the house for 20 minutes and you start talking about bisexuals
thank you cameron i’m deeply honored
for what it’s worth in the poll i voted for a lexapro of bisexuals
it felt honest
Stef: i think lexapro and kincaid will face off in the finals
Rachel:: if i had a dollar for every time that happened
XOXO
Team Autostraddle
This picture looks like the photographer told you all to make faces and Laneia is Not Jumping again
the concept was “we are zombies crawling out of the forest”
but i can’t remember who came up with that concept
IT WAS ME
thats what you think zombies look like? squinty!?
I see it more as pride of lionesses about to pounce on their prey.
I don’t know, I think mine is more badass. Sarah looks like she could kill a zebra by herself
i totally thought zombies! good job team.
Riese you look pretty happy to be a zombie….
THAT PICTURE OF YOU ALL IN THE GRASS IS MY NEW HAPPY PLACE
Riese looks so innocent and pure
i don’t know how that happened
OMG You guys, “problematic mary takes on…” has SO MUCH potential
I am dressed as Basic Ken right now
fuck i wish i had a+ insider to explain my monthly struggles to my employees at my day job
ALSO QUIT NEGGING MY “RELATIONSHIP” IT WAS MAGIC YOU WEREN’T EVEN THERE
YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PUT “?!!!?!?!?” IN YOUR OWN DAMN HEADLINE
we were so young and in love and full of promise until we found out love is a lie and then we died alone
(still friends)
Ugh, you bunch of dum dums consistently #lightupmylife
Oh Autostraddle you do so much so welllllll I hope you find time to celebrate that too.
I even thanked autostraddle.com specifically in the acknowledgement section of my doctoral dissertation!
Everybody should write more nice comments even if they feel dumb doing it, like i do at this very moment. Every positive comment totally helps stem the tide of negativity, I can attest as a public school teacher hahah.
“I even thanked autostraddle.com specifically in the acknowledgement section of my doctoral dissertation!”
Now THATS commitment
I’M INSPIRED
hey editors, we see you, don’t cry (cry if you want to), and do what you need to take care of yourselves!
I know that feeling of “I could get my work done if I just worked harder and harder and all of the time,” and it’s just not ok in the long term. AS YOU KNOW.
good job (really good job) doing this thing that nobody else is managing to do. TAKE LOTS OF CARE.
Yeah, what QueerGirl said.
Take a long hot bath, put on clean pajamas, order takeout, watch a silly comedy… Breathe. You’re doing a wonderful job
I wanted to stop a second after the intro just to say that I love you <3
I just hope you all know that I love your work here and think you deserve to halve your stress load three times and then nap and then wake up refreshed, not weirded out, and hey look someone spontaneously baked you those whoopie pies I mean homemade oreos that Laura Wooley does so well
Ya Know?
Like you just all deserve so much
Y’all are all miraculous glittering unicorns, and I truly don’t know where I would be without this website but I guarantee it wouldn’t be anywhere good.
Can there please be Kenderbender t-shirt?
I’m dressed as Basic Ken right at this very moment and that kinda bums me out a little but I’m also strangely proud?
Ps-I think all of you are amazing and are doing such a great job with Autostraddle
Tbh I don’t really care as long as ken can be queer & we can still ship ken/Barbie.
You guys are amazing & do amazing jobs at including everyone and writing loads of great stuff. So many of the best sites seem to be struggling now so I hope ppl invest more in you as you’re v much worth it.
I love you guys. ❤️ Also, I’ve been reading AS so long, and while I’m more of a lit/poetry/geekery person who does not watch TV at all, I have so much appreciation for your work because it’s literally one of my only connections to pop culture at this point. Also, the Lexa Pledge &c. motivated me to think very carefully about the ways I write my scifi (which is not romantic lit) and to think mindfully about narrative structures and what happy relationship subplot endings mean and all of that literary criticism stuff that excites English majors and few others. ?
Also, I argued with a lot of straight people who didn’t understand what Carol means in IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and your writing and links were great for shutting them down when they didn’t understand pre-Stonewall situations for queer people in America.
Basically, you have written a lot of things that really matter to me. I know that this doesn’t help burnout, and if your impostor syndrome is anything like mine, being praised a ton can cause nontrivial amounts of anxiety, but y’all deserve all of the praise for this wonderful place.
I use the koala hugging the teddy bear Google Hangouts sticker whenever I want to give Hangouts friends virtual hugs, but it’s not the same as koalas actually hugging each other. (Google forgot that people want platonic affection stickers, I guess?) But if you know which sticker I am talking about, I am sending y’all a lot of koala hugs.
Couple other things:
I definitely notice and read the increased QPOC content and appreciate it. So many really talented writers. Autostraddle has grown so much and so well.
Also still sad Carmen Rios, Queen Carmen, does not write her column here, Rebel Girls. We love you Carmen!
We love you, Carmen! Hillary forever!
???
Y’all. I love autostraddle staff. You’re the world to a lot of people, including me. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in taking care of people to negate self care, especially in our current environment. But no critics and no online trolls are worth having your physical and mental health suffer. Perfection is an impossible goal- we do what we can with what we have and that’s all that can be asked.
Autostraddle is a lifeboat for queer and marginalized groups who are drowning in a sea of repression and ignorance and being attacked by Trump-humping sharks. There will always be ways to improve and grow, but you’re keeping people alive and that’s all that matters.
Just call me #soapboxken
Also, +5 for the Roosevelt of bisexuals.
Thank you so much for your work and also for your transparency. Very motivated to find ways to give y’all more money.
WE APPRECIATE YOU <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 Be kind to yourselves please!!
Real talk it’s been about two years since I’ve read one of these (my most frequented websites these days are Netflix and Ao3.org), but I saw “bonus lesbian Kens” and clicked as fast as I could. My contribution re: Butterfly Ken is that when I went to art school there were literally ten of her in every room and I’m honestly a little intimidated by that accuracy
” If I could go anywhere I wanted within seconds and not have to pay airfare, wait in security lines, and sit next to people who never stop talking on public transportation I’d be the happiest woman alive.”
CO FUCKING SIGN
A bevy of bisexuals?
Also, you are all SO wonderful! I’m traveling with my family right now, and although I’m having a great time, AS is keeping me tethered to my queer adult self in a much-needed way. I love how much care and energy you put into the process as well as the results, and I hope you know we know that care involves being real about what is sustainable to you as humans as well as an institution.
It’s because you are people who care that this site is so successful (because you really do try to always do right by everyone), but it’s also the reason you get burnt out (because always doing right by everyone is literally impossible). Please remember that there will always be critics no matter what you do, and while it’s important to listen, it’s also incredibly important to take care of your own wellbeing. The work you have done and continue to do here is extraordinary, meaningful, life-saving, priceless. Let yourselves feel pride and enjoyment in your accomplishments. <3
Hi hello I love and appreciate y’all so much thank you so much for putting your energy and time and work and lives on the line every day to create such a wonderful thing, but also, not being able to make more promises totally makes sense and i’m so thankful for everything you’ve already managed to be and do <3 This website has been and is so important to me and I am sending you all the hugs and love and hope to keep on keeping on
Lo siento, @yvonne, I am one of the people who read your piece on queer latinx and black people deserve more than love and kindness after Orlando but didn’t comment anything. Thank you for writing it. I didn’t want to say I liked it because I wish there were no need for a piece like that to exist, or for the obituaries published every few weeks, sabes? So thank you Yvonne and everyone who writes articles or essays like this.
P.S. I think I also read and didn’t comment on most of the other pieces mentioned in that section of the insider?
thank you, sophia! i understand <3
I am seriously thankful for Autostraddle every single day. It’s the top of the list. And I can only imagine how draining it is to keep this Titantic sized ship afloat, but please know that you are all do so awesome at it.
My biggest hope for all of you this summer is that you are able to get at least one extra hour of sleep a day, an extra bowl of (vegan) ice cream each weekend, and take one “to do” off of your plate. I’m sure that sounds impossible, but hey- even two out of the three ain’t bad?
I’m sure I speak for so many of us when I say: thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts.
And, not to self-promote or anything like that, I most definitely just GEEKED OUT at seeing my name listed among Rachel’s recommendations, lol. So thanks for that highlight to my evening as well.
(Also, perdóname @yvonne for not commenting on your BRILLIANT article. Please know that, as a black Boricua in particular, it touched me deeply. I think I forgot to comment because I was so busy having all my feelings! But I will remedy that soon.)
thank you, carmen! i appreciate it.
p.s. i’m so excited to read more of your writing!
Oh! And! And! (sorry for the multiple comments) RENEICE!!!! Hey girl, hey!
I have been very much enjoying your writing thus far. And based on this detail alone have committed you as a friend in my head: Dinner party guests include Whitney Houston, Erykah Badu, Beyoncé, and my future wife Janelle Monae.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I will come. I will make my top secret blueberry peach cobbler with a conbread biscuit topping. I will make it vegan for Erykah. And we will jam.
Carmen!!! Yes! Come to dinner, bring the cobbler! Yesss. Also your OITNB review was fire.
I love you! I love you all soo much! Take care of yourself, go to bed early, wake up and bake those muffins if that’s what will help. As Kristin said in one of the GIBWKs a while back, it can be helpful to ask the people around you to help and make it a collective thing. Obviously you all already do that and there’s just so much to be done, but like maybe there is some way for us readers, who care about you so much, to help out in different ways. (Ex:long-term readers/commenters volunteering as comment moderators on a rotation)
An omnipresence of bisexuals. Because they’re always there even if people can’t see them.
WINNER
I wish I had a million dollars so I could give them to you guys. You do SO MUCH good.
I like a Lexapro of bisexuals but I think there needs to be a pun in there somewhere.
I know that when there is so much to be done – too much – it feels like you are never achieving anything, but if achievements are measured in the daily positive impact you have on your readers’ lives, you’d be off the scale.
I guess whenever you’re worried that you’ll never get to 100 Kens, remind yourself that 75 is probably enough.
i’m not excited for carmen’s death, but i’m excited for that funeral.
I love you! You do amazing work and we are rooting for you!
Like, I am personally proud of you to an embarrassing degree. Like if I had photos in my wallet, they would include AS and people would show me their grandkids and then I would spout your accomplishments to politely nodding semi- acquaintances, you know?
Picturing this. It’s adorable.
We hear you, we love you, and we appreciate you!!!!!!
Y’all do such an amazing job and like my friends are LITERALLY feed up of how much I gave constantly about Autostraddle.
Take care of yourselves, thou are doing very important work and I love all of you and would give you all my money (I’m sorry that I have no money but if I do….) ???
That was meant to say “my friends are fed up of how much I rave about Autostraddle” stupid autocorrect…
Thanks for this! I love the slack conversations. You should do a fundraiser where a prize is that a reader can join your slack group- maybe you already did that- Anyway You’re all the best. <3
+1 to that fundraiser idea!!
as a bisexual who is on lexapro I feel deeply read for filth thank you stef
I need to get better at commenting when I have nothing to say except “I love you guys, I love this place, keep doing what you’re doing, you’re doing great.”
So, love you guys, I love this place, keep doing what you’re doing, you’re doing great!
omg Reneice’s last date with a dude… intense!
thank you all for doing what you do! these insider issues are such a lovely mishmash.
I like to think it was the universe pulling out all the stops to make it veeeeery clear this dating men thing was not a thing to do again hahaha.
I upped my subscription from $4 to $12 because ya’ll are worth it. It’s also BS for everyone to expect you to be a catch all for the queer community. You’re doing the best you can. Thank you for all you do! <3
Agreed. NO ONE can be a catch-all for the whole community. Don’t try, just Pick and choose what you do well (and AS does so many thing so well) and go with that
Dear Editors:
I fucking love you.
You’re fucking awesome.
Don’t wanna fuck you.
Just wanna hug you.*
*only if you’ve given enthusiastic consent tho
Take care of yourselves babes. We got you.
1) I love y’all! We love y’all! Self-care is important and sometimes that means not being able to do everything and not being perfect and that is fine and normal and ok. You inherently matter as the precious wonderful people you are, and you also matter as the folks who keep Autostraddle running. That second part won’t last unless you take care of the first. You won’t lose your readers over it. We’re annoyingly loyal like that.
2) Fashion Insider Ken is so me, down to the gray suit and the overly-prioritizing-of-work. Eerie!
You’re all wonderful and I deeply appreciate what you’re doing. I don’t comment much because often I’m a bit tired of writing myself (it is a big part of my daily job) or I feel it’s not really my place to take up that space. But I read so much here daily, I learn a lot and I find your transparency in how you do Autostraddle an inspiration. Please, take care of yourself, take care of each other and don’t feel pressured to do more, more, more … you’re so much more than enough already <3
Dear Riese, Lania, Yvonne, Heather and Rachel,
Thank you for all that you do. From the depths of my heart thank you. You will never know what a life line you have been to me, and how much I have learned and grown from your words and all the words you have supported others to write. It’s a huge “yes! hurrah! go team” from me to hear you express so clearly with us that you need to take care of yourselves more and set up some stronger boundaries and do less. YOU DO SO MUCH! I for one will keep paying my silver and gladly, what ever Autostraddle publishes.
This letter you’ve written us Riese is so heartfelt and profound, could you not re-publish it on the main site as a way to try to encourage more subscibers? It seems like a perfect window on what A+ offers us, and also being that clear and brave and vulnerable is beautiful, and would touch the hearts of so many.
I know I don’t officially know you five, but wow, I really love you. I love you a lot. Maybe have a total shut down for a month, I don’t know, have a long real break! Do anything and everything you need to do.
Sending you five long deep supportive hugs from the UK,
A nine-and-a-half-years long and super-intensely shy non-commenting reader xxxx
Thank you for sharing this and THANK YOU for the work you do. Take care
Thank you all for the incredible work that you do! Always appreciated ?
I APPRECIATE YOU ALL SO MUCH! <3
I've spent a couple of years running an independent online feminist magazine and my involvement with the project ended in many tears and anger and confusion, so every time you talk about how hard it is to run Autostraddle I feel it DEEP IN MY BONES, because even doing 1/50th of what you do here was fucking hard (in a lot of similar ways), so I'm amazed at how strong and incredible and inspiring you all are. I'm glad you've come to a place where your internal communication and accountability is top-notch and I think it's reflecting well on what we see from this side of things! Take care of yourselves and know we're here wishing you all the best, always.
I love you all! There is an article from 2011, a “You Need Help” when your girlfriend doesn’t have a job. I’ve gone to it every time my wife has lost a job as a reminder that she is trying to get another one. Even if it’s frustrating to me it is just as frustrating to her if not more. And even though she’s not working again and we’re getting by on my three part time jobs, I am keeping my Autostraddle membership because I greatly appreciate all of the hard work that you all do!
If I had a million dollars I’d give it to you. I’m so sorry I don’t. I promise to keep giving you my membership money and so much love, gratitude, and respect!
Y’all are amazing, and this site is amazing. Take care of yourselves and each other. Your work is so needed AND to do the best work you need/deserve rest, care, all the good things. xoxo