Letter From Your Editors

Hello Friends!

Well, here we are. 2016 is coming to a triumphant close, and 2017’s inevitable house of horrors lurks just around the riverbend. Isn’t it nice to all be here together during this wonderful holiday season?

1st row: Cee’s frozen rose, Cee’s homemade wreath, Isa’s ornament, Carmen’s decorations, Sarah’s tree and cat, Jen Deerinwater’s time at Standing Rock // 2nd row: Cecelia and Mey in cold NY, Carrie’s outdoor lights, Laneia’s tree, Riese’s snowgal, Casey’s light installation, Yvonne and her tree // 3rd row: Nikki’s tree, Alaina’s sleeping babe, KaeLyn’s dino meets Santa, Sinclair’s frosty leaves, Stef’s questionable socks, Audrey’s leg lamp, Maree’s wreath // 4th row: Laura found a waffle cabin, Cee’s cat Tucker in the snow, Rachel in the snow, Heather with her sister and nephew at Rockefeller Center, Raquel’s visitor, Erin’s new friend

I’ve been reading the Autostraddle Reader Survey results with great interest, friends, and it’s helped us sort out some priorities for the year ahead. We’ll continue aiming for better representation of poc on our team and through the stories we tell. We want to make more time for Laneia and I to write more, which was another big request. I’m also hoping to revamp “Straddleverse” operations and develop a local portal to more readily access local meet-up groups and events — and we’re doing a hard push to get the Queer Girl City Guides updated and to roll out new ones, too.

But the loudest demand this round was, by far, increased international coverage. 35.6% of our readers live outside of the United States, with 9.4% from The UK, 7.8% from Canada and 3.8% from Australia. 18.4% of our readers are in Europe (that number includes The UK). We hadn’t sat and taken stock of that specific situation in a while, and when we did we realized that we recently ran out of Canadians without even noticing! Carolyn, our final Canadian, moved to California and got married last year. But obviously Canada is just the tip of our inadequacy iceberg. We’ve just started working with Heather Davidson, a great writer based in the UK, and other efforts are underway and we’ll have some more questions for y’all too. Obviously we cannot cover the whole damn world, but there are still places to improve.

We hope you enjoyed this month’s particularly inspirational line-up of Autostraddle Plus content: A+ Inbox Live! Episode #17, Interview with My Ex-Girlfriend: Marni and an intriguing look at our always-impeccably clean workspaces / desks.

Finally: thank you for making Autostraddle a financial priority this year — we now have 2,148 A+ members and we are so grateful for each and every one of you. If you wanna get a jump-start on our post-holiday merch sale, use the code APLUSHOLIGAYS to get 20% off your order. And keep your eye out for the 2016 edition of this!

Love,

Riese

co-signed by Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From November 2016

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. VIDEO: It’s A Cold And It’s A Broken Hallelujah, by Riese Bernard
2. 35 Truly Inspirational Ways You Described Your Gender Presentation On the Autostraddle Reader Survey, by Riese Bernard
3. Make a Trans Woman Smile on TDoR By Buying Her a Pizza Online, by Mey Rude
4. 72 Lesbian-Owned Businesses and Queer Shops To Support This Holiday Season! by Riese Bernard
5. Angelina Jolie “Switches Teams,” Apparently Was On A “Team”: What Does This Mean For You? by Stef Schwartz
6. Bex Taylor-Klaus Is Gay: “Scream” Actress Comes Out ‘Cause Life Just Got More Terrifying Than TV, by Riese Bernard
7. You Need Help: What To Do With Your Gay Hair In Trump Country, by Audrey White
8. 2016 Election Day Liveblog and Open Thread: Oh God It’s Really Happening, by the team
9. New Gay Agenda [Super Secret, Do Not Leak], by Ali Davis
10. We Grieve, and Then We Get to Work, by Rachel Kincaid

Liz Castle, Brittani Nichols and Kristin Russo at A-Camp 7.5 (photo by Isabel Alcantara)

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Stef: Excellent comment I just got:
“Step you are a fool. Kristen can’t walk with a woman not unless they are in a relationship. That is stupid and so is this article.”
Laneia: STEP
I’m sorry they called you STEP?
Stef: Getting “step you are a fool” engraved on my tombstone
Laneia: Have it engraved on the first step that leads up to your porch at the old folks’ home
Stef: Ooo maybe it’s like “abandon all hope ye who enter here”
Laneia: A warning for us all
Stef: My dreams are dead
Laneia: DON’T SAY THAT NEVER SAY THAT
GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE

Riese: Arrrghh I wish the ten billion websites that have posted pics of the new ANTM cast included their last names so I could find confirmation of Kyle’s obvious homosexuality
Rachel: You know when they have those wacky animals that are supposed to predict major events, like an octopus who decides the super bowl winner or something
I wish we had like a chinchilla that predicted whether people on TV would be gay or not
Yvonne: Chinchilla :garfield:
Heather: Oh man what a great idea
Rachel: Add that to the office budget
Yvonne: My sister says I’m a chinchilla so maybe I’m it guys
Laneia: Talk to your therapist abt it Heather
Heather: All her food and supplies would be a tax write off
Rachel: Oh hm, your gaydar is very good Yvonne
Maybe you are the chinchilla
Heather: We can lay out photos of the characters and blindfold Yvonne and whichever one she walks to is the gay one
Yvonne: haha I love that
:dancer:
Heather: I hope you walk to Petra when we do it for Jane the Virgin
Riese: SCORE
Yvonne: YES
Laneia: !
Heather: Well done!
Riese: :dancer:
Man y’all
I had to wayback machine her tumblr from 2014 to find that link
Laneia: omg Riese
You should work for the CIA
Rachel: v impressive
Riese: Well
I am about to blow up this girl’s spot
I hope she’s ready for 1,000 new instagram followers
Sorry Kyle
Laneia: Are we all following her right now
All at once
Yvonne: I did
Laneia: Chinchilla on the move

Rachel: Man there have been a lot of surprises in this election but one thing I never saw coming was that i would have to try to remember how to spell Lindsey Graham’s name correctly once again
Riese: I made a mistake last night of watching the Dylann Roof confession tape on The New York Times
Yvonne: I had to delete Rick Perry
Riese: I feel bleak

Rachel: Did I do something that pissed off publishers as a group? I feel like people have been emailing everyone on our team but me about books
Heather: I wish I knew how to get onto and off press lists! There’s no rhyme or reason!
Rachel: Right?
I would like to be on fewer press lists for weird gimmicky as-seen-on-TV products and more for samples of expensive skincare

Heather: I don’t think Jane the Virgin knew how gold Rogelio was going to be!
That actor is so wonderful
He’s so warm and also so handsome
And funny
Oh man, am I secretly in love with Rogelio?!
Rachel: If there was a really unbelievable sale on smartwool socks, would you think to yourself “I should get some for Rogelio!” or “I should get some for me”
Heather: Oh. I would think, “I should get some for Stacy.”
Rachel: That’s what I thought
Heather: Not in love with him after all
Rachel: I think you may secretly be in love with Stacy though
Kind of a bombshell!
Heather: Thank you Rachel. That was illuminating.
I’ll have to find a way to tell her

Heather: Headline help!
North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory Finally Admits He Lost The Election, Reminds Us Grassroots Activism Works
Rachel: NC Governor Pat McCrory Admits He Lost Election (Thanks to Grassroots Activism)
Heather: Awesome!
Rachel: I wish we could fit some kind of insult to him in there
Heather: Me too
Rachel: Dinosaur NC Governor, Disney Villain NC Governor
Heather: Hahahaha!
Disney Villain/North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory Admits He Lost Election and then “thanks, grassroots activism!” as the teaser text?
Rachel: Maybe like Grassroots activism wins the day
Heather: Okay!
Should I use a photo of Scar from The Lion King, Santa Claus, or Pat McRory?
Rachel: In my dream world it’s Pat McCrory but in black and white with a wacky lower third like he’s in an infomercial
Probably if we can just find an unflattering photo of him that works too though
Heather: Too much?

Rachel: This is terrifying
I love it
Heather: Okay thank you!
Rachel: I can’t stop looking at it
Heather: I tried to make him one of the hyenas but his head is the wrong shape
Rachel: I like how he has two sets of ears now
The better to hear boos with!

Riese: I would like to be honest that I still do not believe he will be president
for some reason
Maybe it’s magical thinking
Rachel: I don’t think that’s true, Riese, I’m sorry, even though I wish it were
Riese: But
Heather: I have whatever the opposite of magical thinking is. Dementor thinking.
“I’ll never be cheerful again, better eat some chocolate”

Rachel: I wish there were some local mineral springs we could all visit together
We need a cleansing
As a group
Riese: Yes
Maybe there are some in my yard somewhere
Rachel: Couldn’t hurt to check
Riese: Erin will be good at that
I feel like she would’ve done well during the gold rush
out there with a shovel and a pan
looking for what lies beneath
Rachel: I was gonna put Erin lying facedown in a hole on the ground on my 2017 vision board
Riese: Please do

Mey: Oh heyyy does anyone wanna please help with Witch Hunt
Also Rachel and Raquel can you please get me your things asap
Raquel: Eep yes
I almost forgot this month
Everything is too fast
Mey: Raquel do you pronounce your name so it rhymes w Rachel
Raquel: um
Ruh-kel
Ray-chl
no
Mey: Ray-kl
Raquel: Haha
Absolutely not
Mey: That would’ve been funny tho
Raquel: Preferably it’d be Rr (rolled r)-ah-kehl
lol
Raykl
That’s awful
Stef: Have you considered spelling it Rrraquel
Raquel: Somehow it’s pretty when there’s a soft ch in there but that hard-k is rough
Stef what a good idea
Mey: Raykl looks like one of the names from this:

Raquel: :joy: :joy: :joy:
Damn I keep trying to change my name and slack is like no
Karly: I drive by a local hospital’s billboard that displays newborn baby names…and I swear they are all those names Mey
Audrey: Raquel your rs are trilled af for me
Raquel: Trrrrillin
Stef: Audrrrey
Mey: I also trill the ls in Raquel’s name
Raquel: Submission, a podcast segment where we just say each others’ names, trilled af
Mey: Will it sound racist when the white ppl say our names?
Raquel: Everything is racist in their mouths, so
jk jk
Mey: THE TRUTH

Heather: I found out yesterday that the woman who is the voice actor for the bisexual lady love interest in Dragon Age Inquisition is bisexual IRL (her girlfriend is one of our readers), and then today I found out some women who voice characters in Dishonored 2 are bisexual, and Bethesda’s lead game designer’s partner, remember her, she’s bisexual.
Rachel: !!
Heather: I am going to keep pulling these strings and discover a network of underground bisexual tunnels like what’s at Disney World
Rachel: Didn’t one of the fallout designers also have a bi partner? Or was she just a feminist or something
“Just a feminist,” Ugh, amirite
Heather: Yes, that’s the Bethesda guy!
Rachel: Oh sweet
Heather: He designed fallout and skyrim
Rachel: I hope they have secret handshakes
Heather: I really am going to keep digging here. There is some kind of secret to be unlocked!
Maybe a secret handshake that TURNS PEOPLE BI
Maybe it’s like the philosopher’s stone: you can only get the secret if you know in your heart you won’t abuse the secret
Rachel: Aw
Heather: I’d use it on Gina Rodriguez; that’s why I can’t learn the secret
Rachel: It’s good to know that about yourself
Next time we have to do a fundraising thing or perks we should get them to help
Get a voicemail message from your Dragon Age girlfriend!

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Kai Cheng Thom, Contributor

Photo by Jackson Ezra

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir
Website
Facebook

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
Xena, the Warrior Princess! I loved everything about her: Her height, her dark past, her bloodlust, her battle cry…and most of all, her fashion sense. She was the best role model a young trans girl growing up in the 90s could ask for.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on:
Gak! It was with a young man I met at a club in Montreal when I was 19, and he was perfectly nice. We went to a little Thai restaurant, where we ate mediocre curries and struggled to find something, anything to say to each other. It didn’t help that he mostly only spoke French, which I wasn’t fluent in at the time. It still would have been an okay (if lacklustre) date except for the way it ended, which was that I thanked him politely and then told him that I was going to walk to the metro station to go home. He said that he was too. So we went together. I told him I was going to take the Green Line Metro heading south. He said he was too. So we got on together. When we got to my stop, I told him that I was getting off. He said that he was too. We walked for a bit, and then I said, “well, this is my street.” HE SAID IT WAS HIS, TOO. And then he followed me home, a gentle smile on his face the whole way. It was very creepy and not at all fun.

What’s one book you will never remove from your library?
Audre Lorde’s Zami: A New Spelling of My Name.

What’s your favorite thing on the internet today?
http://slimedaughter.com/games/twine/river/

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
The eggplant.

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
Actually, I’m feeling really good about my book review series for Autostraddle! It’s a really nice, fun way to a) read some books by trans ladies, b) get in touch with and MEET said trans ladies, and c) discuss and shine a light on their work with a smart queer audience!

VODKA WATER????

Mey: I’m obviously commenting on the post but I can’t believe Riese and Heather called me out so hard on my vodka water, which is room temperature vodka and tap water
Heather: I was just trying to think of someone else who doesn’t like beer!
Stef: Me
Heather: Maybe Mey will share her vodka water with you
Stef: Ew
Mey: Isa and Be both liked it. I’ve made it for Isa more than once
Stef: I guess you do live really close to Utah so watering down alcohol is a thing
Why waste time
Mey: Bc it keeps you hydrated!!!
It’s science!
Stef: Oh boy
Mey: All I know is I’ve never had a hangover drinking it
Riese: I’m curious about the specification of tap water
What kind of water did you think we thought it was
Mey: I mean the water doesn’t have to be cold
It can just be room temperature
Stef: Like how sad do you want to be
Mey: It’s a low maintenance drink that’s easy to make when drunk
Stef: I’m going to mail you a lime
Mey: At bars I get vodka tonics so they won’t make fun of me
Is that better
Riese: You know what’s a more low maintenance drink than vodka and water?
Vodka.
Stef: It’s true
Mey: But vodka doesn’t keep you hydrated!
Stef: I mean I understand the point you’re trying to make
about hydration
Mey: I invented this drink at A-Camp
Stef: Personally I drink water separately from my alcohol because hydration is not at that moment the point, this is like you telling me you put a banana on your pizza for the potassium
Mey: But wouldn’t that work?
Stef: But why do that to yourself
Mey: I guess I don’t think vodka water is that bad
It’s easy, it’s cheap, you can make it anywhere and it hydrates you and gets you drunk at the same time
Stef: And you can make vodka from potatoes
So I mean
Mey: EXACTLY
Stef: Maybe just put some butter in your vodka water and you’re all set
Mey: PERFECT
Riese: I think the best way to stay hydrated is to find Stephanie Huang and ask her for a drink of her water
It worked for me
Or really ask anyone for their drink of water I guess
To be honest I drink everybody’s everything at A-Camp and then I am always surprised that I leave camp with a plague
Stef: Those lil hospital juice cups of apple juice if you don’t like well water?
Real nice.

What We’ve Been Reading

Laneia: We Were as Gods: Back to the Land in the 1970s and on the Quest for a New America by Kate Daloz and Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler

Carmen: Rules for Radicals by Saul Alinsky

Carolyn: Witches, Midwives & Nurses: A History of Women Healers by Barbara Ehrenreigh and Deirdre English and Difficult Women by Roxane Gay

Erin: Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit

Carrie: The Woman Behind the New Deal by Kirstin Downey and American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus by Lisa Wade

Stef: A Guest at the Shooters’ Banquet: My Grandfather’s SS Past, My Jewish Family, A Search for the Truth by Rita Gabis

Audrey: Discipline and Punish: The Birth Of The Prison by Michael Foucault

Raquel: Sisters One Two Three by Nancy Star and the Wildwood Chronicles Complete Collection by Collin Meloy and Carson Ellis

Valerie Anne: Princeless: Raven the Pirate Princessby Jeremy Whitley, and The Broken Earth Seriesby N. K. Jemisin

Sarah: The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer

Heather: The Wonder by Emma Donoghue

Casey: Fans of the Impossible Life by Kate Scelsa and Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova

Alaina: Vulnerability in Resistance edited by Judith Butler, Zaynep Gambetti, and Leticia Sabsay

Laura M: MADDADDAM TRILOGY: Oryx & Crake; The Year of the Flood; Maddaddam by Margaret Atwood

Riese: Born a Crime: Stories From A South African Childhood, by Trevor Noah

Isabel: This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz

Maree: Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

SLACKERS

“A Trump presidency is best enjoyed with a side of smug self-righteousness, a persistent helping of impervious closed-mindedness, and a chilled glass of refusing to be accountable for the upcoming nuclear winter.”
– Carmen Rios

December Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Decembers Riese thinks you might enjoy.

via On The Eighth Day of Hanukkah Your Bubbe Gave You Socks

Listling Without Commentary: Actual Answers to DADT Survey Questions, Out of Context (2010) – “Am I supposed to celebrate gayness—do they get to wear a rainbow flag on their uniform? If that is the case, this uniform isn’t worth wearing.”

Get Toasted with Autostraddle: A Very Special Holiday Drinking Edition, by the team (2010) – There are SO MANY fun cocktails in this post for y’all. You’re gonna change your cocktail menu for the holiday party after reading this, I can feel it.

Lessons Learned: How a Jewy Lesbian Can Enjoy a Pleasant Chanukah with Her Uncharacteristically Bigoted Parents, by Amy York-Rubin (2010) – Before she made the hilarious webseries Little Horribles, Amy wrote funny stories like this for us.

8 Things to Do When You’re Stuck Indoors, by Laura Wooley (2012) – If the winter weather so far this year is any indication, this could be VERY relevant to your interests at any moment.

Big Queer Pimples, or How I Learned to Love (or Tolerate) My Acne, by Kate Severance (2013) – One of my favorite things about women’s media is when we normalize and open up a conversation around things that we’ve been socialized to hide and not talk about, like yeast infections and ACNEEEEEEE. Thanks Kate, miss you.

9 Totally Normal And Not Gross Things That Happen During Sex We Promise It’s Normal, by Carolyn Yates (2014) AND IN THAT SAME SPIRIT, ALSO THIS.

HEY AUTOSTRADDLE DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR WEBSITE IS DOWN RN

Riese: This just happened as I was scrolling down a post, idk what it means!

Riese: Actually this keeps happening on the post when I am scrolling up and down
Cee: Weird!! Does it happen in any other posts? Does it come back when you close it?
Riese: I wasn’t paying attention! If it happens again I will pay attention and report back.
Raquel: It was happening to me too
and not allowing me to upvote comments? Idk if it’s connected
Riese: Yeah I’ve been trying to upvote Erin and it won’t let me
Which makes it a sad day for America
Cee: What else can break today? Let’s find out
Let me know if you get that MySQL error again – it may be because the server was restarted so it was unavailable for a few seconds, unsure.
Riese: Ok
Cee: I’ll look into the upvoting thing in a sec
Riese: I got it again!
I was trying to upvote Erin again.
I just want to upvote Erin
She’s not in this channel so she doesn’t even know
Stef: That’s all I ever want
Riese: She doesn’t even KNOW how hard I am trying to upvote her
Stef: I bet on some level she does.
in her heart.
Riese: I’m going to add Erin to this channel so she knows

sullivem joined #website-issues by invitation from riese

Riese: I feel better now
Stef: Just trying to connect
Riese: Just a girl reclining in front of a comment, trying to give it an upvote
Stef: Upvoting, Actually
Rachel: Would you say this is an issue of upvoting suppression
A violation of the Upvoters’ Rights Act
Riese: I would actually
Russia could be involved
Stef: I just tried to upvote Erin also just to one-up the boss
boy did I learn a lesson

Riese: A DIFFERENT ERIN, AT THAT!
Stef: Do we think this says more about Erin than it does about us
Riese: About all Erins, or a specific Erin
Stef: Anybody named Erin probably
Like Chelsey Petty’s girlfriend Erin wouldn’t let us upvote her either
Riese: Okay so you’re talking about lesbians
Stef: I think the girl named Erin who does contracts at my job is straight but I wonder if I can upvote her
Riese: Maybe we should have a white man comment so we can see if we’re able to upvote him
Stef: I bet we could.
Has anybody commented on our articles asking us to quit whining lately, I bet we could upvote that
Cee: Okay, I’m glad to know that it’s related to the upvote thing, and also Erin. I’m going to make breakfast for myself and then see if I can fix it.
Riese: Ok
Don’t rule out Russia
Stef: What are you having for breakfast
I’d like to upvote it
Riese: I know you didn’t ask me Stef but I had donuts for breakfast
Cee: It could be Russia
That’s great, I’m jealous
Riese: Well first I had a Lara bar
Cee: I cleaned out my freezer last night and took out the mashed potatoes and veggie gravy from thanksgiving and i’m going to make potato pancakes and eggs with gravy
Riese: Then somehow I ended up in the Tim Hortons drive-thru, which I will blame on my fragile mental state
Oh that sounds nice
Stef: I had cold spaghetti for lunch because life is darkness and carbs are my only friend
Cee: Yeah! The gravy is really good
Stef: I’m fine
Cee: :disappointed:
Stef: How will i know if I’m funny today? :disappointed:
Riese: This happened when I tried to leave a funny comment about Harriet the Spy

Riese: Probably because Russia flags messages with “spy” in them
Stef: Do you think Putin is upset that we did not include “Vladimir” in this list
It is a pretty lesbian name
Riese: Yeah it sounds like a character in an unwritten Chekhov play about a woman posing as a man named Vladimir so she can be with her true love, Anna
Stef: I can have that post in by the end of the week
I read a lot of Bulgakov
Cee: Update: I’m having yogurt b/c I’m too hungry to cook
Riese: That’s usually when I have potato chips, so I commend you
Stef: The Master and Margarita, a lesbian epic
Cee: I don’t buy potato chips b/c I’d only eat them
Erin: Thanks for the support everyone
Stef: Hey Erin
Nice comment
Riese: +1 for you erin
Erin: I wish we had a italian chef finger kiss button
so I could give it to all of you
Riese:

@autostraddle your homepage is down 😭

— Jen apple (@Jenapple8) December 15, 2016

Stef: I blame the electoral college
Cee: Can someone please tell that twitter person it’s Russia
Riese: I will yes
Rachel: Does Putin have twitter
Can we tag him and ask him to take a look
Cee: Probably! You can just tag Voldemort I think they’re bffs

Enthusiastic Crowd at A-Camp 7.5 (photo by Lucy Hinder)

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Walking and Talking, Kicking and Screaming: An Interview with Ruth Curry of Emily Books, by Aisha

Aisha is so smart and thoughtful about books and writing, and Ruth is a superstar literary entrepreneur making amazing things happen with Emily Books, so of COURSE they are friends and OF COURSE this interview is amazing. It’s smart and also funny and also says some things about the lit world that I think will make you both nod your head emphatically and scratch it sometimes thoughtfully, like the thinky face emoji.

17 Incredible Indie Online Shops for One-of-a-Kind Gifts to One-of-a-Kind People, by Patrice

I have no idea why y’all didn’t go wild for this! You’re mystifying sometimes. These are a ton of indie shops and creators that enable you to buy amazing stuff from queer creators, Black creators, indigenous creators, and more! Seriously I think if you just click on this you’ll be like WHOA.

Indian Web Series “The Other Love Story” Gives Queer Women A Happy Ending, by Tiara

We could all use some happy endings this week, no?

When Death Makes You Kind: Beyond Survival In Gwen Benaway’s “Passage”, by Kai Cheng

I laugh so much when I think about the KFC part every time, even when I’m just in the middle of doing the dishes or driving to Walgreens.

How The 2016 Election Is Still Fucking With Our Mental Health, by Andre

Just seems like this would be relevant to your interests! That’s all!

Heather’s Pick Of The Month: Grimm Super Spruce Gose

If you’re only going to drink one holiday beer this year, it should obviously be Tröegs The Mad Elf, which is a Belgian strong dark ale brewed with honey and cherries that clocks in at 11% ABV and tastes like a gift straight from the cask of the beer goddess herself. However! If you’ve already explored the warm spices of the holiday beer scene and are looking for something a little different to close out the season, you have got to get your hands on the Grimm Super Spruce Gose. I know, I know. A gose? In the winter? Yes, friends, hear me!

Goses are brewed with salt to replicate the saltiness of the water found in Goslar Germany where the beer originated in the 16th century. It made its way onto the craft beer scene about four summers ago and really stormed through in 2014. It feels like a warm weather beer because it’s not really hoppy or yeasty or malty or any of the things we associate with the tastes of the holidays. But Grimm went bananas and made the Super Spruce Gose and what it tastes like is a literal Christmas tree! Which is because it’s dry-hopped with spruce tips!

It sounds weird because it is weird. Weird and delicious. Salty and acidic and lemony and piney! It’s the most unique beer I tried this whole entire year — and at one point I absolutely drank a beer brewed with squid ink. For an extra treat, follow up the Super Spruce Gose with a bottle of Off Color Brewing’s Dino S’mores, a 10.5% double imperial stout that tastes like coffee and s’mores had a beer baby. Truly, I cannot think of a more perfect combination of Christmas tastes.

Mey’s Counterpick of the Month: Vodka Water

I didn’t start drinking until my first A-Camp and so my drinking experiences are centered entirely around that. By my third camp I was trying to come up with a cheap but tasty and fun thing that would get me drunk quickly, and vodka lemonades were my answer. There was a lemonade machine in the main lodge, so I could just put a lot of vodka in a cup and then just keep adding lemonade from the machine until it came time to add more vodka. But then one night when I was dancing and drinking vodka lemonades that tasted awful I found out that they turned off the lemonade at a certain time and so by the end of the night I was just adding plain water to my vodka. But you know what? I drank more that night than I had ever drank in my life and I still was able to dance all night and I didn’t have a single ounce of hangover in the morning. Now remember, this was 6,000 feet up on a mountain and so we were all warned to keep hydrated and be careful how much we drank. It was then that I realized I had found my destiny. I was meant to drink vodka water forever. It’s easy, it’s cheap, you can have your alcohol and water in one cup, it tastes sort of okay? It keeps you hydrated and it gets you drunk. It’s the perfect drink. While most people mock me for it, the wonderful Be Steadwell and Isa Alcántara loved it and so will I forever.

Social Media Spotlight

And now for Autostraddle’s top seven most retweeted tweets of 2016!

Steven Universe creator Rebecca Sugar came out as bisexual at Comic-Con today! https://t.co/NWNA0fxm7V pic.twitter.com/ZmldiJtLaH

— Autostraddle (@autostraddle) July 22, 2016

The Heathers reboot has a genderqueer teen, a black lesbian Heather, and a queer director: https://t.co/YRDJZgdDNs pic.twitter.com/dH4PmTMAtx

— Autostraddle (@autostraddle) September 7, 2016

Brooklyn Nine-Nine star Stephanie Beatriz is bisexual, y'all: https://t.co/yzv8ihk3Lm pic.twitter.com/OYOXesDIqB

— Autostraddle (@autostraddle) July 17, 2016

GLAAD Report: 2016 Was A Year Of Representation But Also, Mostly, Murder For Lesbians On TV https://t.co/eJYiLGuobi pic.twitter.com/98dLcA50a8

— Autostraddle (@autostraddle) November 3, 2016

Pretty Little Liars has now killed more queer and trans women than any other TV show: https://t.co/W2MsGfKBu8 pic.twitter.com/uhR9kZtQr5

— Autostraddle (@autostraddle) August 3, 2016

The 100's queer fandom once again reminds the world that LGBT Viewers Deserve Better: https://t.co/Uwh7FCMfTX pic.twitter.com/NbVvfocyRC

— Autostraddle (@autostraddle) May 19, 2016

An 8-year-old girl came out to her mom after hearing the word "lesbian" on Supergirl. We made a book list for her: https://t.co/nWdAAw4p0s pic.twitter.com/tqjV7zzA60

— Autostraddle (@autostraddle) November 7, 2016

Lola Gary Barbara Tally-ho

Mey: i saw a guy wearing an “LGBT liberty gun beer tits” shirt in the airport tho so I’m not feeling great

Stef: oh but that’s what i got you for secret santa :disappointed:
Mey: honestly i would proudly wear this as a crop top
Laneia: i can’t figure out how i feel about this shirt
if mey was wearing it i’d love it
Mey: if I post a pic of me wearing a crop top will someone plz photoshop this shirt on top o fit
also laneia, when it’s a white guy wearing it it’s kinda scary irl
Laneia: Right that’s the thing
Riese: At what point can you safely tweet a photo of this guy with a sadface emoji
Laneia: can we make a version of this that replaces liberty with lorna doones and guns with grapes
bc that would be like, everything i’ve ever loved
i love grapes you guys
Stef: one time cara and i found a place in hell’s kitchen that had LGBT spelled out in sandwich materials but i can’t remember what the g was, gruyere maybe?
Riese: goat cheese
Mey: gay
Riese: garbanzo beans
Mey: grapes
Riese: gefilte fish
Mey: guns
Raquel: mey why didn’t you show me that BEFORE I posted my boobs guide
Mey: raquel bc your post is already perfect
Raquel: ok fair
Stef: wow none of that stuff goes on sandwiches you guys are gross
Mey: grapes go in chicken salad sandwiches
Stef: who eats chicken
monsters
Laneia: gonzo
Stef: he would NEVER, they are in LOVE
favorite meme of the season:
Mey: delta is now feeding us pizzas to apologize for the flight delay
Heather: wow! the only thing delta ever offered me for a flight delay was one single cookie.
Mey: i got a cookie, peanuts, some apple juice and now pizza
Stef: they gave us chocolate yesterday because virgin bought alaska airlines i guess? it was to celebrate
Heather: what kind of fancy princess websites do y’all buy your airline tickets on?!
Mey: Every website i go on is a fancy princess website.

XOXO

Team Autostraddle

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