Letter From Your Editors

Hello lemon rice soup it’s a very rainy Friday here in Michigan and this is your very very special Autostraddle Insider! As you may have heard, I recently acquired a dog named Fancy, and our Sexy Editor Carolyn Yates also just got herself an adorable puppy, making it high time for us to give you a collage featuring us and our dogs / cats / birds / stuffed animals / etc.

1st row: Maddie, Chelsey, Yvonne, Erin, Alaina, Aisha, Laura M
2nd row: Laneia, KaeLyn, Karly, Maree, Aja, Isabel, Nikki
3rd row: Kayla, Riese, Stef, Audrey, Rachel, Carrie, Ali
4th row: Yao, Heather, Alex, Carmen, Mey, Carolyn, Raquel

I just returned from another weekend in Los Angeles, where I had the extreme pleasure of sticky-noting the A-Camp Schedule with Kristin and Marni and also participating in an earnest sing-a-long to the Jewel “Pieces of You” album with the aforementioned and Jenny Owen Youngs. We met with Carly about the entertainments and we met with Alex about the signage and we’re so stoked for this upcoming session. ALSO: if you’re one of the many humans who: A) Didn’t get a spot at A-Camp or B) Prefer fancier and more private accommodations / tropical locales when you travel, you should keep your eye out for an upcoming post about a new potential partnership we’re diving into with legendary lesbian travel company Olivia.

As you may have noted, we’re hiring a new Business Director and I’m hoping this person is local! I’ve gotten some pretty cool applications so far, but if you have any networks in Southeast Michigan or Northeast Ohio (or know a queer looking to relocate), please spread this job posting far and wide.

Oh hey remember that time Margaret Cho wrote a thing specifically for A+ members about hooking up with Anna Nicole Smith and the song she made about Anna Nicole Smith? If you don’t know what I’m talking about though, this is your big chance to find out. We hope you’ve enjoyed the rest of this month’s A+ content, which included 18 Excerpts from Maddie’s Babyqueer Diary, the fifth episode of the smash-hit A+ Inbox Podcast, and the 37th issue of the A+ Bee.

Also, I just joined this.cm and I love it! Are any of y’all on it? We got an autostraddle account too that we’ll start posting in on Monday. You can only share one link a day, so it’s guaranteed that whatever I share or Autostraddle shares will delight your soul.

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From March 2016

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. All 153 Dead Lesbian and Bisexual Characters On TV, and How They Died, by Riese Bernard
2. All 29 Lesbian and Bisexual Characters Who Got Happy Endings, by Heather Hogan
3. Saturday Morning Cartoons: Girlfriends, by Megan Praz
4. 13 Reasons Women In Lesbian Relationships Aren’t Having (More) Sex, by Riese Bernard
5. The Pace of Queer Time, by Lila Cherneff
6. Pop Culture Fix: Sarah Paulson Has Always Been In Love With Older Women, Deal With It, by Heather Hogan
7. Dear Able-Bodied Partner, by Carrie Wade
8. 100 Storylines We Brainstormed In 5 Minutes That Don’t Involve Dead Lesbians, by Rachel Kincaid and Heather Hogan
9. After North Carolina: 9 States Have 14 Anti-Trans Bills in the Works, by Heather Hogan
10. Pop Culture Fix: Is Lexa’s Death on “The 100” the Beginning of a Lesbian TV Revolution? by Heather Hogan

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Riese: Remember when Cher was like so famous
like she was one of the most famous people in the world I felt as a child
Heather: Twitter ruins us all in the end
Or if you’re a racist billionaire, it makes you president of america

Laneia: How do you spell the sound that’s like a shoot/shoo hybrid? To express complete and total exasperation if you are a southern grandmother who cannot even, for example
Rachel: Hmm I think the only variant of this I grew up with is a sort of “pshooo” that is Just like a very aggressive exhale
Like if a pointed sigh was a word
Laneia: Dang it it’s like it has to have the “ew” on the end to wrap it up though
like shhhhhwew almost
I was making the sound over and over and Eli was like OMG WHAT and I had to explain that I was just trying to spell it
Rachel: How does Eli think you spell it
Laneia: Wshwew

Aja: Yesterday I cleared out our basement and found my giant Rubbermaid full of Celeste’s old baby clothes.
Kaelyn: Aww
I bet you had a very fashion-forward baby, Aja
Stef: Aja’s baby was born in an instagram filter
Aja: After a cursory purge (how many identical white onesies belonging to an 18-year-old does one need? ZERO.), I kept the handmade and especially pretty stuff to gently wash and decided that when she graduates and we have a little party, those will be the “streamer” decorations all hung up with clothespins on a few criss-crossing clotheslines! /my most Pinterest idea ever
Kaelyn: Omg that’s perfect
I hope you blog it
Stef: Be honest was Celeste’s bottle one of those collapsible champagne flutes you brought to camp
Aja: No, but M & I did toy with the idea of having an angry French baby named Luc who smoked and made us martinis.
NEVER SAY NEVER.
Kaelyn: It’s not too late to live your dream

Yvonne: Is the definition of the word “pocketful” a lot or a little?
Rachel: I think of it as meaning “a little”
Laneia: I always think of it as “a little amount but super special” maybe because it’s so little
Like the song where she’s got a pocketful of sunshine
Yvonne: Ok I was fiddling with this title: “Songwriter Julien Baker Has a Pocketful of Heartbreaking Guitar Tunes and Calls The South Home” and I didn’t know if I should just ditch “pocketful”
Because she has 10 sad songs
Like that’s it
And they’re really good!
IDK where this train of thought came from but anyways
Riese: So many words in that headline!
Yvonne: Yes
Laneia: I like the pocketful part!
Riese: Southerner Julien Baker’s Got Some Heartbreaking Guitar Tunes In Her Pocket
or Southern Songwriter Julien Baker’s Got Some Heartbreaking Guitar Tunes In Her Pocket
Laneia: Southerner Julien Baker Has a Pocketful of Heartbreaking Guitar Tunes would probably get me
Riese: Yeah “songwriter” feels repetitive
Like yeah she wrote the songs
They’re in her damn pocket!
Yvonne: haha
Laneia: Maybe Julien Baker Has Songs In Her Backpack Though
Riese: Julien Baker Reinvents the Fanny Pack: WITH SONG
Laneia: Does Julien Baker Have Carpenter Pants?
Rachel: If You Go On A Hike with Julien Baker She’ll Bring 10 Songs and Trail Mix
Laneia: Julien Baker Looks for Songs, Finds Lint and Gum and THEN Songs
Riese: Excerpt: just let her know how you feel about raisins

Rachel: We could publish my you need help about that sad bi girl
Riese: Oh yeah!
Rachel: Do you want me to go ahead and get that up
Riese: Yeah let’s do that
Rachel: :thumbsup:
I hope someone yells at me
Riese: What do you think they’ll yell at you about
Laneia: Too much misandry
Rachel: Oh who knows
Laneia: Too much man love
Rachel: Spin a wheel, honestly
Laneia: Too many words
Riese: There’s no such thing as too much misandry

Cee: Rapinoe just walked into the restaurant I’m at
Mey: Ask her to come to a-camp
Cee: She’s too cute
I ran away
Just like the last time I ran into her

Heather: Oh my friends, I know you were worried you would never get to go to the apple store, in Midtown Manhattan, in the rain, in the throes of agonizing period cramps, for an unfixable hard drive problem that was caused by you updating your operating system, like Apple kept yelling at you to do, and unleash your misandrist fury in that place. But I have done it for you, for all of us. Sleep easy. rest well. My fire will burn there for a thousand years.
Riese: Bless it
And bless us, everyone
Laneia: i’m so glad your misandry had a chance to shine through before noon on a tuesday!

Stef: Excuse me: Justin Bieber with dread locks?!
Alaina: These “dread locks” further confirming my belief that Justin Bieber is a 20 something white lesbian.

Heather: I know more about Ross Kardashian than all the other Kardashians combined. when I see a Kardashian tweet on twitter, my mind always goes to ross.
Stef: Do you think David Schwimmer has been showing up at awkward Kardashian family dinners
Like just making his super sad Ross face
Mey: omg, if he’s on the next season of I Am Cait then i’ll have to start watching it again
Stef: I’ve never watched any Kardashian shows really but i imagine he’d fit right in
Mey: Omg, I need Kate back here so I have someone else who loves the Kardashians like I do in slack
Stef: I only care about important celebrities like Alicia Cargile
Mey: I mean, obviously they have lots of problems, but I’m honestly legitimately impressed that Kim was able to turn being the daughter of one of OJ’s lawyers and then having a sex tape into being one of the most famous and successful women in america
Heather: Kim Kardashian is a Slytherin entrepreneurial story for the ages! She’s a goddamn genius! That much I know!
Mey: Exactly! that’s probably why i love her, bc she’s such a slytherin!
Heather: She’s like real life Santana Lopez, honestly.
which I have a lot of respect for
I do wish Ross Kardashian would come to I Am Cait and explain that it’s okay to be a lesbian to her, and that his ex-wife Carol is also a lesbian so just relax.
Mey: I only sort of get that joke about Carol, because I only know a very few things about friends
Maddie: Carol is legit the best part of Friends
Heather: Carol’s amazing.
she was out two years before Ellen and never baking down!
Ross tried to get her back so many times
but she’s a LESBIAN
Stef: I rewatched friends lately, it does not hold up even a little bit, it’s really upsetting and homophobic and just a mess, but man that lesbian wedding
Heather: Those hats at that wedding!
Stef: Lea Delaria at that wedding
Heather: Omg, was she?!
Stef: Yep she was in everything gay on tv ever
probably she wasn’t originally and they went back and edited her in with CGI for all I know
when you have a gay wedding Lea Delaria just appears
Heather: You should do a post called A Short History Of Lea Dealaria Being Gay On Every TV Show Ever
[…]
Heather: She’s credited as “woman” on imdb for that Friends episode

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Sydney Blanchard, Contributor

Tumblr: (sometimes NSFW) thepussyprodigy.tumblr.com
Twitter: @pizzagirlfriend
Instagram: @pizzagirlfriend

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
Without a doubt, Linda Hamilton in The Terminator. Deeply affected me.

How do you like your coffee?
Black, straight from the Keurig or creamy, sugary and frozen from Starbucks.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
This hot lesbian in my circle of friends messaged me after we’d been Facebook friends for a few months. She said she thought I was funny on Facebook (I am) and invited me to catch a movie with her that weekend. I was so excited/nervous leading up to the date. Got dressed up, straightened the hair and fleek’d the brows, etc. We met at the theater, grabbed tickets and made small talk during the previews. She was laying down the charm, and I was distracted by her jawline when she dropped the “girlfriend” bomb. I felt sick to my stomach and super embarrassed I’d completely misread the situation.

I played it cool, and we became bros. We were friends for a year during which she broke up with the girlfriend, and yada yada yada, we’ve been together now for nearly two years.

If you could go any where in the world, where would you go and why?
I have been obsessed with visiting Cuba since President Obama began the process of re-establishing diplomatic relations there. Cuba’s isolation has rendered it a sort of bizarre time capsule, and I’m dying to explore and experience “the real” Cuba before developers turn it into a tourist trap.

What’s one thing you’re currently obsessed with?
I’m really into skincare and using sunscreen. I’m like a sunscreen drill sergeant, admonishing my friends when they don’t wear it and enforcing frequent reapplication. Wearing sunscreen is one of the best things you can do for your (lily white) skin to keep it healthy, even-toned and ageless! I wear Biore Aqua Rich Watery Essence every day, but I’m still looking for my holy grail beach sunscreen.

Carrie Wade, Contributor

Facebook: wadetheory
Twitter: @wadetheory

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
Britney Spears in the “Oops, I Did it Again” video. That red catsuit changed me forever.

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
The clinking beer glasses. Equal parts congratulatory and dismissive. So versatile!

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
You mean besides the ones in high school where we’d go out with a bunch of friends and walk on opposite sides of the group because no one knew we were dating? Actually, probably still in high school, when it turns out her aunt was sitting a few tables away at the same restaurant and came over to yell at us about how sick our relationship was. No low-chemistry OKCupid date will ever top that.

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Breakfast sandwich with an over easy egg, cheddar cheese, and avocado on toasted sourdough. I am a sucker for both savory breakfasts (which work any time of day) and sandwiches. Although, fact: I just cannot eat a sandwich cutely. Its innards will, without fail, end up everywhere (including on me). As a true Virgo who likes her cleanliness and sense of order, I remain frustrated, but am hopeful that a solution is out there.

What is your favorite thing on the internet today?
Every good piece of writing I’ve produced in the past three months is thanks to this Ravenclaw Tower ASMR. Also Nihilisa Frank, today and every day.

What We’ve Been Reading

Heather: Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver

Aisha: The Narrow Door by Paul Lisicky

Kayla: Year Of Yes by Shonda Rhimes

Rachel: The Creative Tarot by Jessa Crispin

Carolyn: The Nakeds by Lisa Glatt and The Art of Raising a Puppy by Monks of New Skete

Carrie: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowling and Changing My Mind: Occasional Essays by Zadie Smith

Karly: The Terror Dream: Myth and Misogyny in an Insecure America by Susan Faludi

Carmen: Hard Choice by Hillary Clinton

Erin: Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford

Laura: Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

Isabel: The Woman Who Died a Lot by Jasper Fforde

Audrey: The Collected Poems: A Bilingual Edition by Federico García Lorca

Aja: The Past by Tessa Hadley

Alaina: The America Play and Other Works by Suzan Lori-Parks

Cee: Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson

Maree: The Book of Universes by John D. Barrow

Maddie: Lilith’s Brood by Octavia Butler, and Revolutionary Mothering: Love on the Front Lines edited by Alexis Pauline Gumbs, China Martens and Mai’a Williams

Ali: The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison and Greetings From My Girlie Leisure Palace by Sharon Mesmer

Mey: Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

Riese:Chelsea Girls by Eileen Myles

VIP

We were smashing our heads together to figure out a way to get more campers off the waitlist and up the mountain and also help fund some of our more ambitious ideas for this particular camp. Before we were given the gift of Black Bear Lodge and its logical VIP possibilities, we were brainstorming ways to make a regular 6-person cabin into something special and VIP-worthy

Riese: i feel like getting to sleep in a 6-person cabin that’s just like the other cabins but smaller is probably not VIP-ish enough in and of itself what else can we dooooo
Laneia: at bonnaroo VIPS get a flushing toilet and free ice cream
the two things you absolutely need at a festival. what are some things you absolutely need at a-camp?
Riese: better food
Rachel: a case of water bottles of their very own
Riese: a hoodie
Heather: sleep phones, eye mask
Yvonne: unlimited cups
Riese: sheets & 2-ply toilet paper
Laneia: maybe a staff person could drive into the next town and buy them lunch at Arby’s
Rachel: we could make cee make them aeropress coffee
Heather: chap stick!
Laneia: omg good coffee and softer tp would be so nice
Riese: or a sex shack
Heather: sex shack!
Riese: i feel like we’re thinking of prizes for a top model challenge
Rachel: let’s make the waiting list people pose as sexy birds
and judge them for it
Laneia: we’ll fly them to mississippi for a riverboat cruise
Riese: i mean we have talent, right? who could do things.
Rachel: molly could give someone a brief photoshoot in the woods
Riese: “woodsy photoshoot”
Rachel: you’d have a super hot profile pic/ok cupid pic
free tarot reading from one of the tarot people
Riese: cee will personally tie you to a tree and flog you
Rachel: brittani will make eye contact with you once
Riese: dinner date w/brittani
Rachel: yvonne will do your eyeliner
Laneia: carolyn will tell you about her sex life
Rachel: lizz will tell you whether that thing is a yeast infection or what
Laneia: rachel will pet your head and say “everything is going to be ok. it’s already ok. you are ok. good job.”
Rachel: yes, i will promise to validate and comfort you about one (1) totally insane and irrational camp anxiety
Laneia: i would pay extra for that
Rachel: maybe like a promised meal at one point with a talent of your choice
like if they want to have breakfast with jenny

Then we found out about Black Bear Lodge and were trying to figure out how to price it. I have redacted the names of the other adult camps we looked at for inspiration because I don’t want to be a bitch.

Riese: YOU GUYS
BIG NEWS
black bear lodge, a mysterious building we have never entered
at a-camp
is a VIP building, apparently, with four bedrooms — two have bunks and two have queen-size beds!
Heather: WHAT
i feel like you manifested this cabin with your mind
Riese: i know!
i don’t believe that it’s real honestly
i asked marni to ask them to send pictures
to prove that it exists
Laneia: i think this sounds great.
Riese: so how do you feel about total price for each? maybe saying the reg fee too is confusing, so like, all-in-all, total price, what do you feel
Laneia: [REDACTED ADULT CAMP] charges like $750 for 3 days in a bunk bed and 7 meals
2 days!
if you really think about it
Riese: omg they charge $695 for a co-ed tent village
Rachel: i think i’ve had nightmares about being in a co-ed tent village
Laneia: Y’ALL 3 DAYS IN A TENT $700 AND THERE’S NOT EVEN AN OPEN BAR
Heather: no. $700 for a tent!
Riese: oh they also have low-income tickets you can apply for
from $385-$585
all you need to do
is give them your tax return
Laneia: oh is that all
Riese: “The application requires up to three (3) documents who show proof of income.”
Rachel: wow
Laneia: wait! i think for the tent camping you bring your own tent???!
Riese: no
NO
good news though
Rachel: we should make a lovingly detailed, full-color brochure about all the other events that camp is not
Riese: they teach “primitive skills”
Laneia: like analog photography BLESS IT
Riese: they have sailing though
that’s nice
Laneia: the tent camping is for sure 100% BYOT
i cannot believe this
Yvonne: They have laughter yoga!
Rachel: this is the kind of shit my brother would do
Laneia: DREAM CATCHERS YES
Riese: how many different styles of yoga can one adult camp hold
Rachel: i’m gonna text him right now and tell him never to sign up for any of this shit
Riese: SOLAR CARVING
Laneia: i could go for some spoon carving though ngl
Riese: kinda disappointed there’s no Slackline 102
Rachel: is Solar Carving when you put masking tape on your back in a pattern and then lie out in the sun and intentionally get a sunburn
Riese: i mean y’all some of these sites are fucking amazing though
This one in Texas basically has a waterslide
it’s gorgeous
Laneia: oh man texas has pickling!
Riese: “SPIRIT & SURVIVAL: SWEATLODGE, FIRE & SELF DISCOVERY”
Laneia: i do not know what this is “Capoeira”
Riese: it costs $75 to park your car though
Laneia: motherfuckers have to get there in a school bus guys
which is extra!
Riese: definitely these are nicer camps with better on-site activities than Alpine though for sure, but they never have space for as many campers as we need
Laneia: oh wait i’m sorry
i’m sorry
sorry
Riese: one of these camps has a swimming hole in the redwoods forest!
Laneia: here are the rules: “No Digital Technology. No Fomo. No Watches. No Drugs or Alcohol. No Networking. No Glowsticks. No Dub-Step. No Work Talk. No Ageism. Adults Only.”
Riese: No FOMO????
wait but really no alcohol?
Rachel: if your revolution doesn’t have glowsticks, count me out
they have never seen jasika dance in club wolf
Laneia: you bring your fomo and you have to go home
Rachel: thereby increasing your fomo!!!!
Laneia: snake eating itself
man i wish we could do a pickling class for real
Rachel: let’s have sarah palmface come to camp and teach us one
Laneia: maybe one day when we’re older we could do a camp that lets us use a kitchen-like space
Riese: i would really love a space where we could do morning yoga with like 100 people at once
Yvonne: yeah this is more like a retreat
but with men
so how can that be relaxing
Riese: yeah and also with bunk beds
and sleeping in tents
the CA camp is $695 for three days on a bunk in a bunk room
omg AND
communal bathrooms!!!
Laneia: you shut the fuck up
the people that go to this camp are probably impossible to be near
Riese: real talk i feel like if you went with the right people it could be neat
but i’d have to like swallow my cynicism/personality SO HARD
Laneia: what is solar carving though for real
oh found it! “Focused through a magnifying glass, the essence of the Sun becomes my medium to engrave unique, detailed carvings into wood that I gather from all over California.”
cool man cool
Riese: yeah [SPECIFIC CAMP RENTAL SITE] has a capacity of like 345 people so if we never looked into using it ourselves, that’s because it had communal bathrooms
Laneia: well so in closing, i think that $925 is not crazy at all
Rachel: $925 and they have to bring a tent
just in case
Laneia: you never know
OOF! [REDACTED ADULT CAMP] is $999 for a bunk, communal bathrooms down the hall
Riese: am i the only one horrified by communal bathrooms?
like in my book, having two private showers in an 18-person cabin is better than having to trek to a communal bathroom shared by many cabins that has more showers in it
Yvonne: no i’m horrified by that
Riese: i went to summer camps that had them and it was indeed horrifying
“fearburning ceremony” though
Laneia: oh shit
“5:00 PM shower hour”
Riese: everybody takes a shower at once?
Laneia: is it outside maybe?
outdoor shower
Riese: oh god
Laneia: group shower
Riese: no
nooooooooooooo
Laneia: looking at their schedule now
“Intuition 101”
Riese: SOULVERSATIONS
oh my goodness
i can’t tell if this is amazing or the actual worst
Past-Life Regression: Live Your Purpose
Laneia: Get your spirit and passion on with these fun team activities, color-war style! The Peace Pull (tug ‘o war), The OM off, Kombucha vs Coconut Water (our version of Coke vs Pepsi)
and a surprise new addition
Riese: Gentle Guided Chakra Clearing With Ancient Singing Bowls
Stand Up Paddleboard Yoga ???
Laneia: no.
that’s too many
too much at once
Riese: “A little more about Tasha: Founder of The Get Down, Tasha lives in service of Dance, which, when done real, is the quickest path to love in the here + now. She creates events that disrupt the status quo by injecting incredible beats with the intention to let wild our most liberated badassery. Her DJ sets meet you in the moment, and invite you on a physio-sonic trip into a newer, bigger you. If you can’t find her behind the DJ booth, she’s probably on the dance floor.”
Laneia: does she get to eat
what if i can’t find her in any of those places
GUYS WHERE’S TASHA
“todd did you look behind the dj booth??” YES CELESTINE, I LOOKED THERE.
AND THE DANCE FLOOR
Riese: good luck, re: tasha
that woman is more elusive than she lets on

[…]

Riese: so [REDACTED ADULT CAMP] that costs $999 is 4 nights
and i think their workshop leaders are like actual famous professionals
so maybe they aren’t over-priced?
wait is this what Hanna went to in Girls but as a joke
Laneia: i mean, as much as you can be a dreamcatcher-making professional
we have professionals!
i’m watching their 2015 video now
Riese: me too!
Laneia: they’re getting saged as the get off the bus
Riese: if you’ve ever wondered “is there an adult camp out there with even more white people than a-camp” i think this is your answer
Laneia: this fucking paddleboat yoga can suck it
Riese: right? what the fuck, guys
Laneia: lord have mercy
ANIMAL ONESIES
Rachel: they definitely have those metallic temporary tattoos
when you’re hungover no one has any advil and everyone tries to give you bullshit homeopathic stuff
Riese: well [REDACTED ADULT CAMP] is $1,400
for three nights
but the lodge where you sleep sounds nice
i think [REDACTED ADULT CAMP] happens at [SPECIFIC CAMP RENTAL SITE], which’s where we want to move A-Camp to but they keep blowing us offf
Laneia: i loved that space, the pictures y’all showed us
o damn camp blankets
that is a solid idea
Riese: the things straight adults do in this world!
Laneia: when you have all those rights and freedoms, you really need to find ways to fill your time

SLACKERS

Y’all loved Slack’s call feature so much that we decided to showcase it again! Heather rang up Maddie for a five-minute chat about The Great British Bake Off. Who is Maddie’s favorite contestant? What’s her dream GBBO dish? And who’s approval does she crave the most? Find out below!

April Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Aprils Riese thinks you might enjoy.

via 12 Retrobad/AWESOME Moments In Lesbian Blazer-Wearing History (© Neal Preston/CORBIS)

It’s Not Britney, Bitch, by Riese (2011) – This post did very well on the internet. Very very well! I love it when I can turn a lifetime obsession into a serious piece of longformish writing.

Five Ways to Escape Your Terrible Date, by Gabby (2014) – This advice is practical but mostly is hilarious.

Five Small Contributions: On Being A Queer Person of Color, by Brittani (2012) – This was the Queer Women of Color Panel sharing their hearts and feelings with us before A-Camp April 2012, the first-ever A-Camp. Brittani talks about not being a stud, Carmen talks about her hair, Phoenix talks about solidarity, Whitney writes about writing about race, and Gabby writes about isolation. We don’t do QWOC panels at camp anymore, now we have the QPOC speakeasy, but I’m so glad we’ve gotten to a point with our staff where if we did have a panel, it’d have 19 panelists rather than five.

I Am Jack’s Preoccupation With Mortality, by Laneia (2013) – This. was. so. good. THIS WAS SO GOOD. Ugh Laneia is so good.

More Than Words: Dyke, Part 1. by Cara (2013) Every now and then I remember More Than Words and how it was like SO GOOD but never got the appreciation it deserved. Seriously if you’re a nerd, just read the whole damn series.

MUPPET BABIES

Stef: i quit this website for a long time because i didn’t think autostraddle was for people like me
then somebody told me it was my job to make content for weirdos like me
Kaelyn: Um, vapid fluff is like the most popular thing ever
Stef: Yeah that has happened very organically
the music stuff wasn’t landing
and still often doesn’t
Kaelyn: i dunno. i like your music stuff
Stef: it was way different back then, i was trying to break new stuff and nobody cared
Kaelyn: i felt like i was too old for AS, honestly
but then i got here and was like, oh, all the sr eds are in their 30’s
cool’
Mey: Not Yvonne she’s not in her 30s
Kaelyn: true but that’s fine she’s cool
Laneia: y’all i’m gonna blow your minds but rachel is also a child
Kaelyn: also i was also being ageist so…
Laneia: rachel and yvonne are 17 i think
Kaelyn: omg we let them into klub deer
Rachel: i’m still not on solid foods
Laneia: just wine
Yvonne: :baby:
thats me^
Laneia: we carry them around in baby bjorns!
Mey: Yvonne what a cute baby you are
Kaelyn: unrelated, but rory and i want to make a klub fawn
which is a disco for gaybies
Mey: Wait, Rachel are you younger than me?
I’m 29
Rachel: i’m 27!
Mey: A youth!
Rachel: laneia has to put me in a rear-facing carseat!
Kaelyn: i hope she has a mirror or something for you to look at so you don’t get fussy
Laneia: we made DIY board books out of old copies of bitch magazine
Kaelyn: perfect…baby zines
Stef: sorry klub fawn!
anyway kaelyn i’m glad you are a real grown up who knows how to do grown up things cos i sure as hell still have no idea and i’m 32 :thisguy:
Kaelyn: Am I? I guess so. I mean, I feel like Rachel has her grown up shit together much better than me.
Rachel: oh you’d be surprised! it’s amazing how much more grownup writing a column on the internet makes you seem. i think we are all of us both like tiny newborn chicks in some ways and really weathered and experienced and resilient in other ways, maybe especially bc we’re queer. being a person is a trip!

ALUMNI NEWSLETTER

Whitney Pow, former Contributing Editor and Contributing Writer, 2011-2014

I started working with Autostraddle in 2011 – can you believe that? Wow. My first article was about a webserises called That’s What She Said that was entirely made, produced and written by a queer and allied Asian American cast and crew. I remember emailing Laneia about it and waiting on tender hooks afterward, checking my email every few minutes for the next week before I heard back from her.

What are you doing without us?
I’m a Ph.D. student and teacher at Northwestern University—I’m in a media studies program where everyone studies TV and film. (My friends in the program and I watch so much Buffy and Angel and we play regular Dungeons and Dragons games, which is kind of amazing). I study video games, especially games made by queer, trans, gender non-conforming people, women and people of color. Right now I’m starting to work on my dissertation, which is basically a scholarly book about video games. I also teach undergraduate classes at the university—this past quarter (we’re on the quarter system!) I taught a class on graphic novels, and the students could pick out a comic or graphic novel they wanted to write about for their final papers. One of my students chose Lumberjanes, which was maybe the sweetest thing ever? I told her about Grace and Shannon and A-Camp and I think it blew her mind. “Imagine Lumberjanes but it’s real. It’s REAL and it happens EVERY YEAR!”

What do you miss the most about us?
I miss the witty emails and messages, and I miss writing about queer stuff all the time! It was amazing having a group of humans I was talking to basically 24/7 about current events and new happenings and how they related to me and my community. I also loved writing to a community of people who were like me and who understood where I came from—not just as a queer person, but as a genderqueer person and an Asian American woman. The Autostraddle community is such a wonderful group of people, and when I get the time I’d like to write more regularly for y’all. Autostraddle literally changed my life. I came out on the internet and learned to be proud of who I was through writing for Autostraddle. Autostraddle has such an important place in my heart.

Would you invite us to your wedding, yes or no?
Well, I’m already married! Our wedding was kind of a small affair in our backyard, so it was mainly family and close friends squeezed together on plastic chairs, drinking ginger beer and Blue Moon and listening to Etta James and “Rock Lobster” by the B-52s. But! If we were to get married again? YES. I would have a big shindig in a giant outdoor tent and people could dress up their dapperest. We would probably need an entire section just for Autostraddlers. I would want one of the wedding party favors to be rainbow tie clips and hair clips. I would wear suspenders. My brothers would play Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up” on electric guitar and bass and everyone would cry their eyes out.

Keep up with Whitney on Twitter and at whitneypow.com!

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

In A World Lacking Lesbian Rom Coms, I Made My Own, by Kayla

If you can read about this and not want to watch every episode of Kayla’s show right now and also feel full of thoughts and emotions about what it might be like to see someone like you, really actually like you in a full, three-dimensional sense, on your teevee screen, then I just don’t know what to tell you. Maybe read it again, I dunno. Keep trying.

Read a Fucking Book: Oscar of Between Embraces Transitional Spaces, by Maree

I love writing about writing, which is in part what Oscar of Between is, and now we get Maree’s writing on writing on writing, and it’s just very neat! Also this is a lot about occupying spaces that aren’t one thing or another but something else, a third category, in between: I would be very surprised if most of us reading this don’t feel that somewhere deep in our bones. I think you should read this and find out!

Annotated: Margaret Cho’s Moving Tribute to Anna Nicole Smith, by Margaret Cho

Hey, so just real quick, did you know that MARGARET FUCKING CHO wrote something for our website! Last time we did the zine-making workshop at camp I found an old magazine with an interview from Margaret Cho in the 90s and barely even made any zine pages because I was so engrossed in it. And now she’s written! This amazing and heartrending thing! For our website! I am overcome. If you don’t read this I am going to come to your house and throw Dino Nuggets at your head until you do. JK! Or am I.

Queer Your Bots: The Bot Builder Roundtable, curated by Ali

I love bots, everyone. Love ’em! Something about their meaninglessness and incoherence in an internet marketplace that’s constantly scrambling to find meaning where there might not be any (“What Does Organic Vaping Mean for the Child-Free Movement?”) is very soothing to me. However, bots and botmaking can also have lots of real things to show us about our culture and the times we live in, just like any other kind of art or media production. GREAT NEWS: these super smart and cool people are here to talk to you about it! IT’S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

Our Trans Visibility Coverage

Trans women (and especially trans women of color) should be visible in our lives & community every day, in a way that is safe and supportive for them, but in specific we had the honor of several trans women choosing to make themselves and their lives visible on our website for this week, and it was incredible. Truly, if you haven’t read these essays, you have no idea how much you’re missing. Check out Devan, Mey, Luna, and Jen‘s beautiful pieces, and Gabby’s incredible essay about skydiving and self.

Yvonne’s Pick of the Month: Artifact Uprising’s Square Print Set

I spend so much time in the digital world that I get so much pleasure out of tactile things like books or writing on paper. It grounds me to the real world and feels very refreshing to me, like cleansing myself after staring at a screen for too long.

That’s why I love printing photos! We’re so use to snapping photos left and right that you probably have 1,576 photos in your phone right now and then you’re going to migrate them to your hard drive or dropbox or leave them in your cloud when you run out of space on your device and then you’re gonna forget all about them. I mean there’s Instagram and VSCO to showcase your photos but they’re still in the digital world.

I started printing my Instagram photos from Walgreens and hanging them on a string in my home office, where they made me day brighter every time I looked at them. Then one day I went to my friends Steph and Gabbie’s apartment and saw their grid of printed square photos on their wall and fell in love with it. Steph, a graphic designer and photographer, curated her grid of photos so well that it just wasn’t a wall of memories but art. I don’t think I have as good of an eye for color coordination or design as Steph but I wanted to do the same on my wall. What made her printed photos top-notch vs. my cheap, glossy Walgreens prints was the thick, beautiful matte paper they were printed on and that they’re the perfect size! I learned she got them done at Artifact Uprising, which specialize in all things print and design. I bought their Square Print Set, which comes with 25 5’x5 prints for $22. I couldn’t be happier with them because they are just beautiful for creating an irl gallery. I displayed some photos above my desk and now they’ve become incredible reminders of all the good things in life.

Social Media Spotlight

Hello, did you know that we have very helpful Twitter lists for you to follow? TV recappers? There’s a list for that. A-Camp talent, totally in a list! Comedy crushes, a list exists for them. Beauty writers, also in a list. Heck, you can follow the whole dang team if you want to; there’s a list for that too! This month, Yvonne returned to Twitter! And so here’s some of our best Senior Editors’ tweets! (Yes, there’s a list for that!) This is Heather, by the way, and I’m not including my own tweets because I’ve spent the last week having a Twitter meltdown on account of a Buzzfeed Harry Potter quiz asked me to choose between six Beatles songs and none of them were correct for a Harry Potter quiz. You don’t need to see that (or relieve it).

https://twitter.com/queertejana/status/720297235246817282

real talk i spent 75% of my waking hours 1994-1998 thinking about leonardo dicaprio, and now i've grown to ~0% and this happens

— riese (@autowin) February 29, 2016

this forensic files ep is called “postal mortem” and honestly, that represents an aspirational height i will never reach as a writer

— Rachel (@danascullyirl) April 20, 2016

https://twitter.com/queertejana/status/720458118958878720

if saving the species is ever dependent upon me watching a great deal of miss fisher’s murder mysteries, i promise you can all rest easy

— Rachel (@danascullyirl) April 15, 2016

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/722538967262826496

such a great feeling to consider clicking on a link and then ultimately decide no, no thank you

— Rachel (@danascullyirl) April 15, 2016

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/719923294024040448

when i try to type FRIEND in all caps autocorrect changes it to GRIEVED, which, kind of a bummer

— Rachel (@danascullyirl) April 12, 2016

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/718985275204984832

Anti-gay-marriage protesters outside of whole foods really going for the hard sell

— riese (@autowin) March 19, 2016

Also real talk Adam and Eve kinda had a shitty marriage and maybe he'd have been a better dad with Steve

— riese (@autowin) March 19, 2016

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/721949075210313729

Stef & Maddie Critique High School Film Projects

Maddie: UM i’m about to watch this and i’m pretty sure it’s gonna be queer
Riese: if it’s queer then somebody is ethically obligated to team pick it
Maddie: i’ll watch and report back
Stef: this is already gay as eff
“don’t bother calling the social worker this time, carol. i’m a ghost cat.”
carol:
Stef: aaand GAY
Riese: so who is team picking it
Stef: this is very much the kind of film you make as a teenager
idk about you maddie, i’m having trouble getting through it
Maddie: yeah i’m not sure
i’ll stick it out and there are some excellent lines
Stef: i miss when this character was a ghost cat, that sounded promising
Maddie: agreed
like, this is a solid application submission to film school
and worth putting in pop culture fix for sure
Stef: it’s very earnest
Maddie: ok i watched the whole thing
it’s unclear if the girl the main character is with is a ghost or dead or a figment of her imagination
the boy is real
so
Stef: i have four minutes to go
i wonder who was like ‘hey amandla i have this whole cd of kinda disjointed reverby ghost piano you can use in every scene’
Maddie: it seemed transparent-ish
like the opening credits
Stef: oh gosh this is
yeah i can’t
“a solid application submission to film school” it is
Maddie: it started out so promising!
“Don’t come for my hot cheetos, Rachel Dolezal”
Stef: yeah!
the mac demarco fuckboy
Maddie: not a mac demarco fuckboy so much as an elliot smith sadboy
Stef: i mean he didn’t have a personality either but nobody did
“hello, i saw you at school once, now i have your phone number somehow, are you ok”
Maddie: hahaha
so begins a new column: “stef and maddie critique high school film projects”
Stef: it reminds me of these horse stories i used to write in fourth grade, the plots made no sense but they felt very mystical and important
full of v deep lines about life
yeah let’s just be mean to high school kids all day
Maddie: :highfive:
anyhow. i’m excited for amandla stenberg’s forthcoming film career, because i do feel like this is a strong start
Audrey: Maddie I see your Elliott smith side eye. That is all.
Maddie: THAT ISN’T MY SIDE EYE
Stef: also they literally call the guy an “elliot smith sadboy” in the movie
Maddie: THAT’S A QUOTE
Stef: maddie didn’t side eye anyone
Maddie: THANK YOU STEF
ahem ahem ahem audrey ahem
Mey: what about “it seemed very transparent-ish like the opening credits”
my friend made those opening credits, he won awards for them
Stef: we were talking about the piano
Mey: oh, that makes sense
Stef: transparent is supposed to look like old home movies or w/e
this was just like
Mey: sorry me and audrey are coming for you today
Maddie: no the opening credits for transparent are good
this seemed maybe inspired by them
Stef: ‘oh you know what would be really mysterious here is some ghosty piano’
‘is this person real?! are they a ghost?! who knows?!?!?! maybe this piano does.’
Audrey: Ok sorry sorry I have learned to anticipate Elliott Smith side eye from Maddie y’all it is a foundational element of our friendship.
Maddie: jeeez i’m gonna go hide in a corner now
maybe listen to some elliot smith
Stef: it’s ok maddie
we don’t even know if audrey is real
does she seem to not be in your bedroom anymore when some random guy from high school you looked at once shows up to watch a movie?
also wait who was she on the phone with
what the
Audrey: Not every elliott smith sad boy is like that y’all. Some of us just have a lot of feelings and look cute in beanies.
Mey: i’ve just been practicing spreading my salt more widly and openly, and so far, it’s working pretty nicely for me, this time it backfired
Maddie: you know, audrey ISN’T in my bedroom anymore but there IS a random guy from my high school here (my roommate)
Audrey: Also Maddie I saw you just spell Elliott with one T. It’s fine. I just want you to know I saw it.
Maddie: dude i don’t even know what the right way is
mey i approve of your practice of salt-spreading
Audrey: Mey I love your salt.
Mey: thank you :pray:
Maddie: if we had a mrs salt from blues clues emoji i would deploy it right now
Mey: well, i do love that movie
Kaelyn: ugh tim curry was my 8th grade sexual orientation
unrelated to the topic at hand

XOXO

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