Letter From Your Editors
Hello!
Hi!
I’ve missed you! For this month Nico asked all of us to take a photo with a pet or a plant or a creative project, something that we nurture, and unfortunately I am allergic to almost all animals and have no plants to my name — the fact of which has sent me into an existential crisis, worry you not! My anxiety is on the job! — so I am not in this collage of awesome humans. HOWEVER! Look at this beautiful team that puts together this website, nurtures, and cares for it for you!
Riese, shea, Nico, Meg
shelli, Vanessa, Viv, Kayla
When I started planning out this year, I marked February as “Everyday Love Stories” (Kayla helpfully shortened that into the even sexier “Love Spells”). I’m famously not a believer in love. Or at least, not in romance. I believe in the love of my family, both the one I was born into and the one I get to choose for myself. I believe that activism, care for our community, is emphatically about love. But I don’t believe in boxes of chocolate, a dozen roses, or Hallmark cards. In fact, I have yet to prove it but I just know if we dig deep enough, for sure Hallmark is racist (because, capitalism).
No I’ll never be a huge believer in love, but I did find myself soft this month. Mushy around my edges. I found myself quick to cry, craving touch, connection. Wishing for gentleness where I’m usually very comfortable hiding beneath what’s sharp. I haven’t sorted it all out yet (and yes, I’m aware this monthly Letter from the Editor is in fact not my therapist’s office, but thank you for being here while I fumble in the dark of my emotions anyway) —but I do know that what I’ve been looking for, I’ve found by returning back to the work of what makes this website special. Autostraddle may say that Love Is a Lie but this Valentine’s Day we wrote the kind of love stories that I dream for. We published a woman in her 80s telling us about how she found a love that’s lasted for 45 years. We published two different (and only for you, our A+ members) interviews with our partners: Riese and Gretchen, Kayla and Kristen — both so different, and yet both leaving me crying at my laptop (what did I tell you!). Nico tucked a love letter to their fiancée inside a sweet, funny reflection on renovating their home. Dani wrote about finding herself after heartbreak. You know I had to sneak a little love’s a lie content in there. I haven’t completely lost the good sense God gave me.
This year we published a series that — ok I love everything that we publish, they are all my favorite children, for different reasons, and I will not ever pick between them — however this is one of the Top Five things I’m most proud to have helped bring to life: The Autostraddle Black Elder Interview Project, edited by Vanessa and written by Dani, shea, and Sa’iyda. In a partnership with SAGE, a national organization that offers supportive services and resources to LGBTQ+ older people and their caregivers, we interviewed five different Black queer elders about their lives, documenting our stories while we are still here to tell them. I hope you give space to read them. They are worthy of your time. And also thank you, our A+ members, because it is your financial support that allows us to make projects like this happen.
A+ members also got one of the most unhinged roundtables Autostraddle’s ever published, The Weirdest Songs We’ve Fucked To (mine’s The Little Mermaid, but probably not the one you thiiiiink) and so many crossword puzzles, advice boxes, a whole lot more. We also hosted our first virtual Book Club of 2023 last night! And we are hosting our first (very small! tentative, but we are trying!) in-person events since the pandemic, just for A+ members, don’t miss out.
Next month we have a return of Autstraddle March Madness, which we’ve now been running for FIVE YEARS, and this year I think is going to be our best one yet. We’re also turning 14!!! The little dyke site that could.
There are only a few hours left to say this, but Happy Black History Month! If you know me, you know that Black History Month is my favorite time of the year and I hope — especially if you are Black reading this, that it brought you joy, humor, and peace.
On that note, this will always be Black History to meeeeeeeeee 💖
Love,
Carmen / Riese / Nico / Laneia / Kayla / Heather / Anya / Viv
Top 10 Most Popular Posts From January 2023
These posts were hella popular last month.
1. You Need Help: You Fat-Shamed Your Beautiful Girlfriend, by Heather
2. The L Word Generation Q Episode 310 Recap: Looking Full Steam Ahead I Guess, by Riese
3. The L Word Generation Q Episode 308 Recap: Quality Time Salts All Wounds, by Riese
4. The L Word Generation Q Episode 309 Recap: Quiet Before the Firestorm, by Riese
5. Pop Culture Fix: Gabrielle Union Is Kissing on a Lady in Apple TV+’s “Truth Be Told” Trailer, by Heather
6. Quiz: Which Pokemon Is Your Gender? by Heather
7. January 2023: What’s New Gay and Streaming, by Riese
8. The 100 Best LGBTQ+ Sci-Fi & Fantasy TV Shows, by Valerie & TV Team
9. 50 Best LGBTQ+ Movies Of All Time, by Drew
10. No Filter: Crishell is Right, Gigi Should Absolutely Be On the Next Season of Selling Sunset, by Christina Tucker
Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations
Darcy: Milo and Possum dispatch from sunset last night!
Heather: how do you get to be in their friendship necklace club?
Darcy: the thing about Friendship Club is ANYONE with a kind heart can join Friendship Club!
and the lights are on Amazon
Heather: ANYONE WITH A KIND HEART???
Darcy: that means you!
AND Socks
*One Day Later*
Heather: KIND HEART FRIENDSHIP CLUB
Kayla: how do we steal this from The Paris Review
Laneia: lol the gay version of this would be pure chaos and perfect wtf
Nico: Books We Suspect Our Exes Let Influence Their Lives a Little Tooooo Much
Kayla: Kristen called from downstairs and was like “you should steal this from The Paris Review”
Nico: “was it a red flag that my ex kept re-reading Thomas Harris novels”
Laneia: remember the version of the internet when you could just straight up open your article with “we’re stealing this from the paris review”
a more innocent time!
Kayla: surely we can do SOMETHING with books and exes
honestly bring it back??? we’re all just riffing off each other anyway
Nico: can we open it with “The Paris Review can blow us” and then just like…not explain?
Kayla: asjdklasjdlk
Laneia: HEY what’s a serious/all business tv or film character who is also preternaturally good at karaoke
Kayla: Hannah Waddingham on Ted Lasso
Laneia: omfg kayla
perfect
Kayla: Lol with a quickness
To be fair my group chat with Christina and our other friend is called WeltonsGirls
Due to our shared obsession w Rebecca Welton
Kayla: Do I call the new series Date Night or Gay Date Night
Nico: Date Dykes
Dyke Date Night idk
idk i like Gay Date Night
Laneia: dykes on dates and then one of the installments is about using the bag of dates in the back of your fridge that imperfect foods shipped to you a year ago bc you didn’t remove it from your cart in time
Heather: have you watched hunters season 2 riese?
Riese: no
but I saw season one
Heather: gotcha!
Riese: But not season 2 bc I have been busy with the marvel cinematic universe
Heather: responds with :dobby: custom emoji
Riese: I have an internship with Tony stark
Heather: ok so, carnival row
i’m gonna see if nic or valerie watch it
Carmen: What’s it about? Scary clowns?
Heather: lolololol almost
i think Cara Delevingne plays a crime-solving fairy in victorian london?
Carmen: Woooooooooooow
Well ok then!
Riese: 🙂
Kayla: crime…solving…fairy…in…victorian…london
processing
*during a brainstorming session*
Nico: a photo essay that is like “rating my hookup’s house” but it’s just screenshots from Skinamarink
Laneia: cursed af
Nico: some of these spam comments are so funny
Kayla: ok put that on my tombstone tho
Carmen: Good morning! Happy Love Day 💕
Nico: Oh good morning it is Valentines Day
Carmen: Love Is Not a Lie*
*for the next 24 hours only
What We’re Reading
George Cukor: A Double Life
by Patrick McGilligan
Drew
After Dolores
by Sarah Schulman
Vanessa
Another Country
by James Baldwin
Vanessa
Big Swiss
by Jen Beagin
Kayla
Eating Fire: My Life as a Lesbian Avenger
by Kelly Cogswell
Ro
Infamous
by Lex Croucher
Casey
It Came From the Closet
edited by Joe Vallese
Casey
The Daughters of Izdihar
by Hadeer Elsbai
Heather
808s & Otherworlds
by Sean Avery Medlin
Carmen
The Stardust Thief
by Chelsea Abdullah
Heather
You Need A Budget
by Jesse Mecham
Vanessa
Tomorrow And Tomorrow And Tomorrow
by Gabrielle Zevin
Riese
I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself
by M. Crane
Nico
Matchmaking in the Archive
edited by E.G. Crichton
Nico
Unsafe Words
edited by Shantel Gabrieal Buggs and Trevor Hoppe
Nico
I Identify as LGBTQ+ (Yes, All The Letters)
Riese: i asked the starz press person if there were any LGBTQ+ women or trans characters in Party Down S3 and this was their response:
“Hi Riese — The series stars the incredible Jane Lynch, who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ+ community!”
😐
Carmen: lmao
Carmen: no i’m actually laughing
Heather: “who’d she play on the l word, stephanie? who’d she play on GILMORE GIRLS?”
one of those “are you a robot?” prompts to get into our inbox but you have to SAY AN ACTUAL THING about the GAY content
Kayla: also lol doesn’t she rather explicitly identify as a LESBIAN not as “a member of the LGBTQ+ community”
Riese: she absolutely does
also is there any universe in which i needed stephanie to tell me that jane lynch is a member of the LGBTQ+ community
Carmen: the most lesbian
Riese: i want to write back and be like “actually if we’re playing that game you should know that megan mullaly and liv hewson, who also appear in your little show, are proud members of the LGBTQ+ community”
Kayla: i met her when i was closeted and we were wearing matching blazers
Carmen: also you explicitly asked for “character”
Riese: i did yes
this isn’t afterellen 2005 we need a character stephanie!!!
Heather: “your little show!”
Riese: EXPLAIN THIS STEPHANIE
What We’ve Been Watching
Belle
Heather
Elvis
Sa’iyda
King of the Hill
Sa’iyda
Knock at the Cabin
Kayla
Mars One
Carmen
The Real Housewives of Potomac Season 3
Shelli
The Last of Us
Ro
The Women
Drew
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Nico
PR Emails That Lost Their Way
More often than we’d like, people email us about things that demonstrate they might be missing the point.
Nicolodeon
Just a doodle Nico thinks may brighten your day. This time, we’re trying something new with drawing on the computer. Everybody’s so creative!
KKU LookBook
It’s February —or as we say in Florida…spring! I am simply loving my fake Polaroid camera app!!!!!! (It’s Dazz Cam, which Carmen reviewed.)
Florida Februarycore: It doesn’t get much more Florida in Feb than an oversized sweater (Madewell, $70), blue lightweight buttondown (Old Navy, $30), and extremely short cutoff jean shorts (Levi’s, $49). I wore wedges (ASOS, $25) with the look.
No YOU Bought a Dupe of the Madelyn Cline Glass Onion Dress: Like, yes, I know this dress is meant to be tacky in the movie/poke fun at the sort of influencers who wear things like it but idc. It’s a good color on me (almost a reddish brown) and stretchy/comfy! I will admit I have not exactly found the right venue to wear it so I’ve mostly been wearing it around the house, but for some reason I really want to wear it to date night at Buca di Beppo. The original is on sale for $228 from Saks but there are also a lot of dupes out there, like Free People’s ($98), H&M’s mini version ($15), and Lulu’s ($62).
Yes I Wear White Year-Round: The rule that you’re not supposed to doesn’t exist anymore right? Like that’s a thing of the past and/or doesn’t apply if you live in Florida? You can get an eyelet mini white dress p much anywhere (Lulu, $58) but the main part of this look is styling with a lot of gold jewelry —think bangles ($27) and a flashy necklace (like this $17 snake one).
Failure Is An Art Form
We are here to normalize trying, failing, trying, and failing again!
Kayla: I went on my annual writing retreat with my fiancé (which is also our anniversary trip) and didn’t write as much as I wanted to, but I feel that way every year and just need to remind myself that doing any writing at all is good and meaningful.
Nico: I had to put up a boundary with something I do in a volunteer capacity and I am suffering with guilt over it because that is always how I feel when I actually assert boundaries 🤪
Carmen: Tomorrow is March and my apartment is still covered in suitcases and unpacked bags from when I traveled… in January.
A Farm WITHOUT Monsters???
You’ll Be Clenched
Kayla: I’m seeing Knock at the Cabin tonight!
Nico: KNOCK AT THE CABIN
i sent my penpal the book it’s based off: The Cabin at the End of the World
he’s gay and loves all media featuring apocalypses so naturally is thrilled this movie is coming out
let me know how it issssssss
Kayla: I will!
I’m looking forward to Stef writing about it also
Anya: good day!
speaking of what movies we are seeing tonight i too am seeing a film tonight
Nico: lol anya
which one are you tonight:
seeing knock at the cabin
seeing puss in boots
watching hard candy on tubi while packing perks
Kayla: lmaoooo
Anya: 😂
Kayla: God Elliott’s performance in that movie
Anya: i haven’t seen that movie! it sounds scary in a way that i don’t think i’d shake
Nico: also a performance with some like, VERY LONG takes
it’s very indie anya
if that helps like the vibe is much more like…character to character tension via the conversation
Anya: oh interesting
Nico: i think the marketing is kinda misleading for that reason? idk if you agree kayla
Kayla: yeah I do agree
Nico: like it’s great and worth watching elliott perform in it and honestly as a playwright you might appreciate
Anya: yeah i was just gonna say, i feel like it was marketed as like extremely slashery scary?
Kayla: No it’s like all dialogue
Anya: which sounds like something i’d actually want to see
Nico: yes
Kayla: I mean still absolutely terrifying
Anya: right
Nico: yeah the tension does not let up
Kayla: But less gory/scream factor than the marketing suggests
Nico: it’s done mostly through dialogue
Kayla: oh yeah you’re clenched the whole time lol
Nico: you’re clenched
Kayla: but like yeah really fucking good tense dialogue
Anya: it sounds like a diff vibe but similar in some ways to midsommar? just like in that that movie was in some ways not as scary as it was marketed to be but was high tension the whole time
Nico: Hard Candy: You’ll Be Clenched
Anya: oh wow i’m sold
Kayla: Hahahahhaa
Anya: not specifically because of the clenching
Nico: basically a 2 character play
Anya: i love two-handers
Nico: did not wake up this morning thinking i would be trying to convince anya to watch hard candy but here we are
Anya: hahaha
you’ve succeeded
*later that morning*
Laneia: when i was reading this morning’s convo back on my phone while i made coffee, i first interpreted ‘hard candy’ as ‘strangers with candy’ bc i’m 41 i guess, and “Hard Candy: You’ll Be Clenched” was so, so confusing
Queers Love Their Pocket Knives
XOXO
Team Autostraddle
oh no, i can’t believe i missed the deadline to include a picture of me and milo 😂 don’t tell him, he’d never forgive me!
NEVER MIND I SEE HE’S IN THERE ANYWAY ❤️ ☄️
Milo found a way!
I for one hope you find a way to rip off the Paris Review because I would love to read the Autostraddle iteration!
The bobblehead email truly sent me because I too have received a PR email from Phil Sklar. When I was working as the copy editor of my college paper and they released a bobblehead of my school mascot, but they actually sent it one us so we had to send it back 😅 the story did not make the issue.
Woah!! Truly everyone in slack had been marvelling at the self-assuredness of this bobblehead promoter. I’m glad we didn’t have to deal with returning a bobblehead though. That sounds wild.
the hilarity doubles!
thank you Carmen for the link to the Queen Latifah & Brittney Griner clip! heart fireworks!!
omg i haven’t thought about cream savers in DECADES but now i want them, and i probably won’t like them any more. . . shall i stick with the ghost of them?
nico i know exactly what you’re talking about – i call it the kyriarchy throwing a 2 yr old tantrum bc i said no. it’s a good sign I’m winning. . . it has gotten less frequent and less intense with time. toddlers do often fall asleep after they throw tantrums. there’s a book called Hospicing Modernity that has helped me with this (and may have solidified the tantrum image).
I love this. Yes, it’s a lot of internal conditioning that is just absolutely SCREECHING when I go against it. Thank you for this encouragement <3 Also that book sounds Very Interesting.
the screeeeeeech of internal conditioning! i will also call it this henceforth!
sample chapters of Hospicing Modernity for perusal:
https://decolonialfuturesnet.files.wordpress.com/2021/10/hospicing-modernity-sample-1.pdf
Thank you!
Shea’s dog! 😍 I love a dog with a big ole noggin 🥰
I always love this newsletter. Good to know I’m not the only one that gets spam comments! 🤣
I love all these little bits of nonsense and sincerity. Thanks for sharing your work and selves with us!
<3 Thank you for reading and being here and saying so!
What’s Lurking at the Back of our Fridge : A Gay Tale of Horror
Okay but I would watch the shit out of Strangers With Candy: You’ll Be Clenched
HAHAHAHHAHAH
there is a lingerie shop near me called hard candy.
next month’s feature: the team with their favorite pocketknife/multitool?
you know what – something like this yes. WHY NOT?
hell yeah! i saw this crab multitool on tumblr and have not stopped thinking about it since https://kikkerland.com/products/crab-multi-tool
Is there going to be any content for AS’s birthday in March?
I have some GREAT news for you! https://develop.autostraddle.com/get-pumped-our-14th-birthday-a-ask-us-anything-is-on-march-7th/
HOW DID YOU GET HERE BEFORE ME. Well, I was going to say YES. Join us for the AMA!
Thanks! Looks like I commented a little too soon lol. Looking forward to it!