Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

How often do ya’ll do reader surveys/ other kinds of surveys (like the politics or fashions ones)? Do you foresee surveys becoming more/less frequent on AS in the future?

Thanks!
Sincerely, someone who likes to take surveys

Carmen: We usually do BIG surveys once every 18 months to every 2 years. I’m talking about the general surveys, so not just about fashion or politics or sex, which are specific themed surveys that come up as we have interest or time. Anyway, I’d say based on that timeline that we’re due another big one very soon! So hold on tight! (I think Nicole might also have plans to survey A+ members from time to time, so I definitely foresee surveys in your future! No worries!)

Nicole: Yes! We have so many new members and we’ll be surveying you again at some point in the future. We really do read all our survey answers and they’re such a valuable way to learn about our community.

Is there a way we can help Autostraddle appear higher in the google search results?

Riese: It is so sweet that you would like to help! There’s not much a single human can do besides like, googling “lesbian movies” and clicking on our post instead of the 45 posts that show up before ours? Or “lesbian tv shows on netflix” and clicking ours. or “lesbian movies on hulu” and clicking ours. You get it.

I’m liking all the quizzes lately and they seem to generate a lot of comments– but… is this an SEO type thingy? Just wondering because it’s a bit of a gimmick clickbait thing but also obviously it works. We click! We like! We pay attention

Rachel: Great q — the answer is sort of! They aren’t about SEO per se – SEO has more to do with trying to deliberately interact with the way algorithms feed people answers to searches, and I don’t think even y’all are searching for “which tropey lesbian TV death am I.” They are something we’re hoping will bring us an increase in traffic, which is really just basically how many people click on our stuff each day; traffic is a big part of how we manage to score advertisers, sponsors, etc – if our numbers on that are low, it’s hard to make money in the ways we need to to survive, which becomes a reinforcing loop; so we do need to try to increase it. More traffic also just lets us reach more people, and when you’re a community-supported org (thank you, A+ members!) the size of the community matters. The algorithms, our heartless overlords, have been making it more and more difficult for us to maintain the traffic numbers we used to, so you’ll continue to see us try some new stuff!

We won’t ever publish anything that’s just a ‘gimmick clickbait’ thing, though – we’ve actually wanted to do quizzes forever because we think they’re funny, and only recently have had the capability thanks to our tech team, Yikes. I was thinking about doing one on which major player in the Salem Witch Trials you are but I think that one would really just be for me.

Laneia: Just want to chime in here with a mostly off-topic comment, but I saw someone accuse us of mining the quiz responses for profit (like… selling the responses to a marketing firm ?) and I wanna be real clear here: we aren’t mining your quiz responses for profit. Ok thank you for your time.

Riese: Some of them are for SEO, like it pains me personally that other “What L Word character Are You” Quizzes exist, and I would like for ours to win. I felt the same way about our “Happiest Season” quiz!

Nicole: Rachel, I would take that quiz.

If I submitted a piece to you and haven’t heard back, can/should I contact you and if so, who?

Laneia: Hello that is me! Email me at laneia@autostraddle.com with SUBMISSION FOLLOW UP in the subject line and I’ll get back to you ASAP and I do apologize for the delay!

i miss the straddleverse tag! :-*

Riese: I’m sorry! Some things might change and some things might change back also so hold tight!

I’ve noticed on the website recently there are more posts that were originally published a few years ago, that are republished on the main AS page. How do you decide which ones to repost? I see some of them there is new info that gets added, like the movie/tv lists. Just curious! I love learning more about nuts and bolts things like this about the website. Also, seeing some of these old articles has made me realize HOW MUCH ppl used to comment on everything!

Riese: I know I have been like elbows deep in the archives and it is INSANE to me that there would be hundreds of comments on so many things! Like every whim or thought I ever had I could post on this website and 60 people would be there to talk about it. Then that all changed obviously bc we stopped being the only place in the universe where queer ppl could talk to each other about things (we also used to cover a lot of mainstream news stories bc ppl just wanted a safe space to talk about them with other queer ppl!) and now that happens on facebook and group chats and so many other platforms and venues in the world, and IRL queer community has become increasingly easy to find/access. Even now though we still have more active comments than most other sites and appreciate ALL OF EM

We pick posts to re-publish for any number of reasons. Because we think it will align with what people are searching for currently! Because we are now able to freshly SEO optimise the post because of new wordpress features or awareness of an important keyword that we could potentially rank for! Because it’s a really great post that we think new readers would love and old readers may have missed! Or because we have new information we’d like to add to it or other ways we could improve it!

Carmen: Yes, I’m just echoing everything Riese has said here re: our goals. I also think we have a lot of new audiences that we didn’t have 5 or 10 years ago, and re-upping old content is new to fresh eyes. I had a friend text me about a piece yesterday and say, “did y’all write this for me??” and I had to respond “no we wrote it three years ago!” Also, you see a lot of other major websites using this practice, so it’s more of us learning new and improved practices on how to be the best at what we do and best serve this website. I like learning new things and how we can be doing our jobs more efficiently and better! Which is cool.

Pronouncing “ammonite” like “Amm-oh-nee-tay.”

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Sharing because I recently discovered this and think it deserves all of the signal-boosting it can get, and didn’t see it mentioned anywhere on the site: The Gender-Affirming Letter Access Project is a network of mental health clinicians who pledge to provide free, informed-consent-based letters of support for access to gender-affirming care. It’s really wonderful for reducing that particular barrier to access, especially now when most clinicians are willing to do video visits.

Carmen: Oh this is AWESOME!!! I saved it for the next Also.Also.Also. Thank you for the signal boost!

Riese! Have you read “These Precious Days” by Ann Patchett? It’s a thing I read that I love.

Riese: YES I read it! I loved it! I put it in TIRTL. It was so long and I just sunk right into it.

I am so into this Valentine’s love is/is not a lie theme!!! The design of the site especially on desktop is absolutely beautiful, and I like how AS is looking at this pressing question from so many different angles! It’s stuff like this that reminds me why I love Autostraddle so much (hmm…if I love AS does this mean that I’m on team #loveisnotalie ??)

Heather: I loved that day too! The layout was so fun and bright and retro; Sarah did a brilliant job! And the content was everyone at their absolute most, plus all the comments and tweets, and I especially love that you loving it convinced you that love is not a lie!

Laneia: This was SO FUN to put together and it looked gorgeous and tbh I wish we could do a theme day once a week just to see what kind of special cursor Sarah could dream up for each of them.

Nicole: It was so good! Even during the height of working on the fundraiser, I still had to take some time out just to revel in the glory that was that cursor.

Hi! Just wanted to tell you about We’re Having Gay Sex, a comedy podcast I’ve been enjoying lately that’s hosted by lesbian comedian Ashley Gavin. Every week she, her co-host/sidekick Gara Lonning (a trans nb comedian), and their guest answer the question “did you have gay sex this week?” Sometimes it’s silly, sometimes it’s personal and heartfelt, and it’s always very entertaining! Ashley is also just a very sweet and self-aware person and is so empathetic and kind to her guests (when she’s not ribbing or roasting them) – she kinda feels like the lesbian big sister I never had. Anyway it’s just a fun podcast and I thought you might like it, so there you go!

Carmen: Did you know we are also starting a sex and dating podcast!?!? We’ve been planning it for a few months and the first episode records the very day you are reading my response! I don’t want to say more just yet, but wow aren’t you excited?? I am!

Nicole: AAAAAHHH!!! So excited for this!

This is not a question or anything, I just wanted to say thanks for answering my question about how to move from dating apps to chatting over text or meeting IRL! Very happy to report that since I sent in that question, I have met a few women who ALSO like face to face conversation (virtual or socially distanced) and went on an honest-to-god date this week. Communication is always weird, especially when we’ve all been inside for a year, but thanks for helping me figure out how to be more honest about my needs!

Rachel: YES I am more excited about this than about anything that has happened to me personally today! Thank you so much for sharing! I hope you go on more dates and have a great time!

Nicole: That’s so awesome :)

Check it out! Brandi Carlile’s new memoir comes out this month! And there is a virtual book tour (Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle join them on the book tour! And Leslie Jordan!) *swoon*

Carmen: Hmmmhmm. I’m very excited about this memoir indeed.

Artist Indira Allegra (they/them) has created http://grammarofgriefhandbook.com/ . . . . I cannot recommend it more highly. It’s interactive – after seeing grief practices there, you are invited to submit your own for others. <3 <3 <3

Laneia: Well this is beautiful and generous and quiet and good. Thank you.

Football power couple Magdalena Eriksson and Pernille Harder won the Conti Cup this Sunday with their club Chelsea. They look like proud Mamas posing with the trophy.

Heather: Oh I just love gay athletes so much! They really do look like that trophy is their human baby child! (Speaking of which: Did you see Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris also became proud parents?)

this is not a pressing question but QUEEN LATIFAH IN THE EQUALIZER!!!!!!!!

Carmen: YES!!!

New biography of Willa Cather: The History Project in Boston had an excellent webinar presentation with the author of the new book!

Carmen: Oh you know who will love this?? Me and my fellow nerd-friend, our very own Nicole!

Nicole: Thank you for this! This is very cool. I think this is the recording of the webinar! This inspired me to do some digging on Willa Cather + Pittsburgh, found this proposed walking tour of sites relevant to her life. Is a walking tour of places Willa Cather hung out an appropriate date? Maybe!!

hey did you know autostraddle is mentioned in this very good and hot game? https://acvalens.itch.io/she-hungered

Laneia: I can safely say I did NOT know that Autostraddle was mentioned in this very good and hot game and now that I do, I am very grateful!

All consuming need to share – can my gender identity be ‘i give up’ yes? cool? kay thanks byyyyeeeeeeeeee!!!!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Can you help me find the ‘vapid fluff’ origin story? I really wanna share it with a new friend who has been admiring my treasured AS vapid fluff badge. For some reason my searches are drawing blanks. I’m after that brilliant post where you responded to some snooty journalist ooh maybe six years ago by turning her nonsense insult into a POST CATEGORY and my god if I didn’t adore this website before that (um, I did), I sure did after that.
Thank you!
Beth
(@littleredtarot on here)
xxxxxxxx and thanks always for giving this rural queer a sense of belonging and ALLLL the love for the immense transitions you’ve made in the past few years – you just keep getting better xxxx

Laneia: Beth !! Beth used to write for us y’all ! Oh Beth I hope you’re doing well. Here you go: In Which We Are Accused of Being “Cosmo for Queers”

Hi! I was wondering if you could do a practical resource about face and body hair maintenance techniques? Maybe in the spirit of your underwear / bathing suit guides or your how to have lesbian sex guides? I feel like AS is very pro- do whatever you want with your face and body hair, and there has been some lovely content about that, but I would love some practical help and I’m not sure who else to ask. I’m an AFAB nonbinary/butch/masc adult (late 30’s) and I don’t know how to trim my pubic hair to a nice contained length! (My electric body hair trimmer with the guard on leaves it kind of long still. Do I take the guard off or is that a terrible idea? Get a different tool? How do people achieve this common pubic hair style?) Or what are my options for my 8 large chin hairs and my slightly visible mustache, besides letting them run free or tweezing. I recently bought facial hair trimming scissors and I think I like that so far but I’m curious what other queers do. Could i shave my face? Halp! <3

Laneia: Well well well this is a wonderful idea. Let me think upon this wonderful idea of yours and see what we can come up with.

Would love to see y’all hype up Peau de Loup on the site and maybe do some collabs with them! As a fat masc presenting person they are one of the few companies that makes clothes in my size, for my body and aesthetic, that are affordable and actually fit well. I always get sad when I see wildfang recommended for every androgynous/masc person since I cannot fit into their clothes, and I was pleasantly surprised to find Peau de Loup, and surprised I hadn’t seen them mentioned on Autostraddle before! I will say their sizes max out at 20, so still not as inclusive as they could be, but for a small queer-owned business making awesome clothing at a not-terrible price point (especially on sale!) they truly rock.

Carmen: Oh this is NOTED!!! Thank you for the tip! I’ll get it added to our resources table.

I just wanted to ask if you have any plans to run more coverage of queer parenting? Or if you can recommend any books or other sites on this topic. It’s something I’m at least a few years off from experiencing myself but I don’t have much/any modelling for it in my own circles or in what I’ve read so far. Especially if there were examples beyond the US that would be great.

Carmen: Yes!! I desperately want more queer parenting content, as someone who is also not sure if I’ll become a queer parent myself (or when) but very much is interested in seeing more models that I can see myself in as I imagine what that might look like for me. Anyway, I’m so serious about it. I’ll keep this in mind!

Hi, how do i become a sword lesbian? i don’t just want to be a lesbian who owns a sword, should I get into fencing? or stagefighting? i don’t know but being a sword lesbian is a goal for me

Heather: I guarantee you that someone in these comments knows where you can join a Thirsty Sword Lesbians group! I think like four sprang up out of our first A+ Discord! Also maybe if you don’t want to do an RPG you can buy a patch???

Nicole: Seriously! If there are the sword lesbians from the A+ Discord reading this and you are still running the spin-off sword lesbian server, please feel free to drop it in the comments! If you want! Also, I think…yes in general? The first thing I do is turn to mighty google and look for sword groups in your area to see what might be available. Also, I thought for the longest time while looking at this question and the above answer that Heather was talking about like…IRL thirsty sword lesbians, but no, I believe it is a game and here is a link!

The Discord server is amazing! Can we do it again?

Nicole: YES! A resounding yes. They were really great. I think we like them ephemeral but are likely going to bring them back periodically so they offer a way to meet people, have a chat, make connections, and then *poof* leave you knowing more queer people than you did before!

Friends, I’ve not seen an Autostraddle review of the “Power Play 7 Function G-Spot Vibrator”, and maybe that’s for the best. It just arrived, and I tried it on its lowest setting, and it still felt like I was getting a tooth removed, or having some kind of invasive minor surgery. If you use it without the vibrations (and you have to actually take the batteries out or it might randomly turn itself on) it’s pretty good as a straightforward “exerting pressure on your g spot” toy. I wonder whether, like size queens, there are people who love over the top vibrations? If so, they should give it a go!

Rachel: This made me genuinely tear up laughing, thank you, friend; maybe I’ll get one just in case I don’t have dental insurance in the future and need to DIY it. This really made my day, let me know if you need a shopping guide for vibrators that feel like the whisper-light kiss of a moonbeam

Idk if this is just me, but I feel like I see a lot of Gen Z-ers online using terms like sapphic and wlw to describe their sexualities (as opposed to millennial favs like queer/bi/lesbian). Is this a generational thing? Is this an online only thing? No judgement about which words are “bad” or “good,” I’m just wondering if it’s actually a trend. Signed, a queer millennial trying to figure out what the kids are up to

Laneia: I believe this is both a generational and online thing! She said, as a 40 yr old white woman on the internet.

Nicole: My girlfriend (38) said to me the other day, “The term, now, is ‘sapphics’,” after observing some online activity. I THINK that the situation is that we are all always trying to talk about attraction and community in ways that are concise but that language still remains elusive. But what do I know?

Is Kat Dennings queer in any way or do I just want her to be?

Heather: You know, people don’t ask this about Kat Dennings as much as they ask about Natasha Lyonne but they do ask it an awful lot. I can’t say for sure. If someone plays gay three times, we start putting that detective emoji by their name in the TV Team channel, but Kat Dennings hasn’t done that yet!

Nicole, would you be willing to share your hair styling/care routine? It looks so good! (I’ve been slowly accepting that my hair won’t simply look the way I want it to unless I mess with it now that it’s short, but results have been…mixed at best)

Nicole: Hello! So I have pretty course / thick hair. I was it 2+ times a week, depending on whether I do something (painting, gardening, exercise) that gets it dirty or what-have-you. My girlfriend cuts it / shaves the sides, and also uses thinning scissors when cutting the top/middle section. If your hair’s thick and heavy, they might be helpful in lightening it up so it has more movement — it might be the missing ingredient. If your hair’s more in the middle, or of a thin texture, you might not need them though — and I don’t think they’re advised for thin / very straight hair. I use a leave in conditioner (I keep trying new ones as I haven’t found a favorite yet, so no recommendations), but I don’t think you need to spend too much on one, and when the leave-in conditioner’s in, I just kind of mess with my hair until it’s in a good shape. It’s pretty poseable, though, like I can pull it straight up so that I look like Captain Planet and then if I smush it back down, it goes into its loose wave pattern. My girlfriend has thinner hair and uses powdered dry shampoo that doubles as a volumizer and pomade to style hers and that works really well. I think you might also want to explore some styling pastes? I don’t use them, but have seen others have success!

SHARE YOUR SHORT HAIR STYLING RECOMMENDATIONS IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU HAVE THEM!!!

Hello, this is just a message to let Heather Hogan (and any other cat owners) know that the brand that makes the magic catnip banana toys (Yeowww) also makes catnip stuffed rainbow toys for cheap.
K love you bye

MISC

Why are there so many TV shows about high school kids who don’t act like high school kids at all? They date 25 year olds without anybody blinking an eye, drink in bars, never seem to actually do homework or go to class, don’t worry about drivers licenses, etc etc… that’s not to even discuss how they’re sexualized (and played by adults) and how their relationships with adults in power are portrayed. I’ve been suspending disbelief and disgust since I saw Glee and PLL when I was a teenager myself, and I’m getting really sick of it. Even the most nonsensical of these shows would automatically be less unbelievable and infuriating if they were just about college students or young adults instead. (I just saw Tiny Pretty Things and of course I loved it and HATED it.) I think most TV shows I see about high schoolers have some of the same things that concern and bewilder me, while shows about other age groups aren’t divorced from reality and unable to gauge levels of inappropriateness to the same extent. You know what I”m talking about, right? What’s up with this? Are they terrified of messing with the formula? Is this is actually what the average viewer wants?

Heather: Okay so here’s the real answer to this question. TV writers rooms are stacked top to bottom with mostly middle age straight cis white dudes, and that’s just a fact. The non-straight cis white dudes are few and far between because of various forms of racism, homophobia, transmisogyny, ableism, etc., which bars minorities from getting into writers rooms and often stifles their voices once they’re inside the writers rooms. Okay and then you’ve got the network and the studio weighing in on every script, and guess who mostly staffs networks and studios? Yes, it is indeed middle age straight cis white dudes. So those are the guys writing the stories, and they likely had no idea what people outside of their little social circle were doing while they were in high school, and they certainly have no idea what Kids These Days are up to, and they also have no idea what, you know, appropriate boundaries look like. When it comes to the actors, execs would rather just not have child actors — under 18— on set, if possible, because there are a zillion laws that protect non-adults in terms of hours they can be on set, how much school they have to do on set, etc. So let’s say you cast a 19-year-old to play a high school sophomore. By the time the pilot gets made, they’re 20. It takes three seasons in the show to move to the next grade, so they’re 23 when they’re a junior, 26 when they’re a senior, etc. Also to be quite honest with you, I think many men who make TV put men on TV in relationships with 17-year-olds who are played by 30-year-olds so that it somehow seems less alarming when that shit happens ALL THE TIME in real life. But that’s just me.

I’ve just read the excellent ‘yes, fundraising is part of our business model’ article even though I’m not surprised you’re fundraising. It is, again, excellent and I hope the fundraiser goes great. One thing that I am surprised by, though, is that 40% of your readers are from outside the US. I’d always assumed we were in a much smaller minority. Are there any plans to reflect this more in the content? I’m sure it’s not a simple task but I’m curious.

Carmen: This question comes up whenever someone discovers that stat anew! And I’m always happy to answer it. We actually have two writers on our team who are based in the UK and we regularly take content from freelancers globally. Part of what you’re seeing is that “40% of our readers are outside of the United States” but that 40% gets broken into a lot of much smaller numbers by country. So it’s not like… 20% are in the Uk or 20% are in Australia or 15% are in Germany, and so on. (Though the UK, Australia, and Germany are three of the largest non-US countries where we have readers, it’s still not that simple). We publish content about Drag in Taiwan or the anti-SARS movement in Nigeria, and in particular I’m always looking to publish more POC from outside the United States, so feel free to pass that info along to your friends if you’re reading this. So to sum this all up: Yes, we do! And yes we are interested in it! And also non-US content doesn’t look like any one thing or the same to everyone.

Riese:  FYIIII the Top Ten is 60% U.S., 10% UK, 6% Canada, 3% Australia, 2% Germany, and then less than 2% for France, India, Netherlands, Philippines and Turkey

Nicole: Thank you so much for reading the Fundraising is Part of Our Business Model post and for your well wishes for the fundraiser. We did it and I’m so proud of everyone!!! ⭐

So obviously I love TomboyX underwear. But it’s so expensive! Do any staffers wear TomboyX, and if so, do you get it on sale or just spend a lot of money on underwear? Thanks!

Riese: Yes, I wear TomboyX exclusively. Honestly I did start wearing it because we met the owners and they gave us coupons to get free underwear and then I was like oMG i LoVe these so much. Also at some point I did an underwear post and they didn’t have an affiliate account for us to sign up with yet so I um, made the links just give points to ME personally so I got a …. lot of TomboyX points that I can use for discounts. But then they changed the system so that you couldn’t get points through a link and also they set up an affiliate account for Autostraddle, yay! But often, yes, I have just bought them full price or when they are having a sale. I know it’s not possible for everybody, but I have been trying for the past few years to just spend the money on ethically made high-quality items that will last a long time instead of what I used to do, which was buy H+M boys underwear that would eventually become pieces of shit.

What would you (each) do if you received a personal windfall of $40,000?

Laneia: I would probably put it into a savings account because I live in perpetual fear. This is not a good answer. EDIT: Ok I just listened to the latest episode of Bad With Money and now I’m convinced I would pay off the small amount of credit card debt that I have and then invest the rest somehow (I did listen to the show but I’m still not super sure how it all works), pretend it didn’t exist for the next 40 years, then have a surprise final will + testament that would divide the money among my two goober children and a variety of small queer orgs and weirdo gay creatives who will inevitably be underfunded but brilliant.

Heather: I’d put a down payment on a house for my sister and pay the first year’s mortgage payments. She’s a cancer survivor with myriad chronic illnesses who suffered a potentially career-ending setback when she got Covid last spring. It would change her family’s life to have their own new house and a year to breathe and regroup.

Rachel: Hm, I think I would pay off some of my most pressing/manageable debt (like recent debt from the wrist surgery I had in December, maybe like… one of my student loans and/or credit cards that’s down to a few thousand dollars) and also all my overdue parking tickets; that combination probably knocks about 10K off the top. I’d probably pick a percentage of the remainder, like 20 or 25%, to give to people’s individual gofundmes – then I’d probably buy one like, really nice and expensive thing for myself in the like $1K ballpark, and the remaining would probably go into savings? This was a good question, thank you! $40K is a way more interesting question than like, a million.

Riese: I would pay off my car and also get it fixed because it’s broken in a few ways at this point, like that the undercarriage is attached to the car itself with plastic zip-ties. That would knock off about $10k. I’d put a big chunk aside to donate to gofundmes/publications/fundraising/venmo situations as they arise and other ways to support indie writers and queer ppl and poc with $$. I might freeze my eggs? Honestly I’d probably drop a bit on some kind of Los Angeles cosmetic dermatology bullshit procedure like lasers or ultherapy that claims to hold the key to eliminating one or more of my many physical insecurities. I would buy Vinters Daughter serum. I’d hire a professional organizer for a few sessions to help me get a handle on the 12 years of shit that has built up from running this business and improve my workflow overall. I would get a chair for my living room. And I would take time off work to work on my book but it would be UNPAID time so I can put what I would normally be paid (we have unlimited paid vacation) towards whatever is needed in my absence. I feel like I’ve already gone over budget here, which does not surprise me personally.

Carmen: So my first most depressing thought was that 40k wouldn’t even cover all my student loans! Hahahaaaa capitalism is evil. HOWEVER! Ok! The first thing I’d do is take $25k and put it in an IRA account, because that’s the amount I anticipate owing the federal government when I’m 60 years old and my federal student loan payment plans finally end. So basically my one goal in life right now is to come up with that 25 grand somehow and put it somewhere safe until I need it, and this would help with that. Then with that burden lifted, I’d use the remaining $15,000 and split it three ways: five grand to queer organizations and poc organizations that I believe in GoFundMes, five grand for whatever my mother wanted to spend it on, and the remaining five grand in a high yield savings account so that it can do that thing rich people do where their money makes money, you know what I’m talking about? Until I need it for an emergency.

Thank you for this question! I agree with Rachel, it’s a lot more fun to imagine how to spend 40k than a million. It feels tangible and real! What a dream.

Nicole: First, I would probably make a generous list of books I wanted with Sadie and then buy them all! Can you imagine? Just buying whatever books you wanted? Then, new roof! A literal roof! With that taken care of, I’d like to take a trip somewhere to a cabin with Sadie and Mya where I work on writing, she works on music and Mya works on her lounging techniques and sniffing nature. Besides that, I’d divide what remained into thirds. One third to emergency savings (this 2005 Subaru needs periodic upkeep), one third to other peoples’ GoFundMe’s and small queer orgs, and one third to spend on nice things for loved ones plus some quality camping equipment because I have very much wanted to be able to go camping for a while but just have not been able to make the investment when I weigh buying camping equipment (even when I’m looking at used) vs all the other things people need. I’ll be keeping an eye out for the REI garage sale though, either way ;) What an interesting question! I love the way it asks you to look at your closest, nearest dreams.

How do you keep an open heart/mind/gut in the frustrating online dating game?

Carmen: If I had the answer to that, I’d make a trillion gay dollars! (Honestly? A good sense of humor and strong use of a group chat with your friends help, but also I haaaaaate online dating that’s not hookups? So I’m probably not the best answer-er for this question! But I wanted to show you solidarity! IT’S SO HARD!!

I wish these napkins were all from gay ladies and that I could buy them from you.

Laneia: I LOVE THESE.

has any group of queer people tried to reclaim the tonsure as a hip alternative lifestyle haircut?

Rachel: 2021 could be your year

How’s Erin doing these days?

Carmen: I’m pretty sure she’s doing great. I never got to work with Erin, but sometimes a tweet of hers will come across my feed and it always makes me laugh. Her humor has gone nowhere!

WOWWOWOWWEEEEE the site is looking HAWT TODAY!! 💖💖💖 I love these explosive holiday takeovers, like when you went all out for April Fools with the Shenny stuff.

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Just wanted to say, Heather’s letter is the best thing ever. I read it from beginning to end (and i don’t ever read fundraising letters). Will be giving again. So grateful for Autostraddle.

Heather: I am moved beyond words that you took the time to read my letter, to donate again, and to send me this message. Thank you. From the bottom of my very huge heart: Thank you.

Nicole: We’re so grateful for you!!!

I’ve only been on the A+ discord server for about 15 minutes and I’m loving it so much! it feels so much more personal than even the comments section because of the realtime nature. I know there’s more people right now because of both the novelty and limited time nature of this, but I would LOVE for this to become a regular thing! I’m getting those A-Camp vibes I’ve been missing so much lately.

<3

Carmen: I am so glad you had fun!! We had a blast both times we did the Discord server this winter/spring. I think you can expect more pop-up opportunities for community building in the future! You’re all much too awesome to keep to yourselves and not share with the world, honestly.

Nicole: I am also DELIGHTED that you had such a good time. That server was honestly magical. And yes, there will be more pop-up A+ Discord servers in the future 😉

Shelli, your work is tremendous!! I love the new FYP column 😍!!!

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“I just wanna say I love Shelli’s FYP column so much!! I don’t always comment, but I read it every week.”

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Praise! Shelli Nicole great job on the Slate Outword podcast.

Shelli:

Nicole: There was a whole entire FREAK OUT in Slack over Shelli’s appearance on the Slate podcast. SHELLI YOU ARE AMAZING!

Hello! I’m so excited to contribute to the pool of memberships giveaway!! It brings me so much joy to be able to help someone else get access to the wondrousness that is A+, and I’m so so so appreciative of the extra logistical work y’all are putting in to make this possible! <3

Nicole: You’re the best! It was incredible and so life-giving to see the response to this and just how many we were able to give away (over 130!!!). Thank you 💞

hello everyone! decade-long listener, first time caller, fairly recent a+ member.

just wanted to drop a line to say thanks for the outdoors issue and specifically to vanessa about everything she’s written here and elsewhere about her experience on the PCT. it’s such a breath of fresh air (lol) to read outdoorsy content from a queer-affirming, body positive, politically progressive lens. it’s hard not to feel self-conscious about being fat/butch/slow, etc. and to avoid manifest destiny shit in other ~nature-y~ spaces so i appreciate your content a lot as i progress from “quit girl scouts because i didn’t want to go outside” to “aspiring thru-hiker and mountain climber.”

keep on keeping on, autostraddle!!

Nicole: These pieces inspire me, too! Some of my faves :)

Vanessa: Awww thank you 

Just wanted to say a huge thank you for introducing the A+ competition, I was absolutely delighted to win a membership! I think it’s a wonderful idea and I hope that my financial situation is more stable in the coming months so that I can donate at least the equivalent of cobalt membership regularly to say thank you.

Carmen: Oh my goodness, Hellooooooooo!!! It’s so great to have you here!!

Nicole: That’s so kind! Thank you and welcome :D

Whoo hoo!! You made it over $220,000!

Laneia: YOU DID THAT.

Carmen: THAT WAS ALL YOU!!!

Nicole: WE MADE IT! THANKS TO YOU!!! Seriously, this was such a leap for us as an organization, and to have you all keep us here, to move this mountain collectively, was inspiring beyond belief.

Just a quick note to say I’m in grad school for costume design and currently redesigning/ imagining beetlejuice to be gay as hell and set today and I can’t thank y’all enough for all of the home renovation guides and the short lived weekender column from a long while ago, they are invaluable research!! 💖

Laneia: I miss this kind of content so much and lucky for me and you, there’s something really cool in the pipeline that I won’t give away but just TRUST ME we are going to love it. I hope grad school is going well !!

Hi i am just hoping each of you finds something comforting or that makes you smile in your day today. You are very magical.

Nicole: You are also very magical 🧙

Carmen: Same to you, my friend. ✨

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