Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

BTW I love what y’all have done with the television category display at https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/category/television/ — I love how you show the popular posts, important lists and direct links to the shows and also of course all the television posts themselves in chronological order. It’s just so neat and I wanted to tell you all it’s very appreciated!

Riese: YAY! We are so happy with it too, and very grateful to yikes! for their work on it. We want all our tv stuff to be as accessible as possible cuz you know what it’s great and also so are you. We also have this guide I’ve been updating since last year now that you’d probably also enjoy!

Sarah: Yayyyyy! That’s so exciting to hear. We worked very, very hard on it and got a ton of support and help from our tech team (Yikes) and our SEO Consultant JC! It takes the whole team to make a big dream a reality! Little insider fact — this is only Phase 1 of the rollout! Pretty soon all of our category pages will have this look on Autostraddle. Stay tuned!

How come when I try to “like” a comment, it asks me to sign into WordPress? Even though I’m already signed into Autostraddle.

Nicole: We have a ticket in the pipeline for this. Hopefully it will be resolved soon!

All your Straddleverse / Fundraising content is so so good. Much kudos to Nicole and everyone at AS. Also the tote bag!!!

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

I have a number of things to share here!

First, in SATSTYBAU #33 someone had a comment about Autostraddle publishing zines and I just wanna say if you made print editions of all the theme issues you did over the last couple of years, I would absolutely buy that for like $10-$20! I love print media and I’m sad that so little of it exists nowdays!

Second, related to this ^^ comment, are you gonna be bringing the theme issues back? I really liked them and there hasn’t been one for a while, right?! Also, I really really miss the roundtables and the AM/PM and the content that was more about the writers’ lives and opinions and habits and personality…I always found it so interesting and fun to read! I hope more of that comes back, too!

Finally, I just want to say that I finally watched Gen Q and am now listening the the Gen Q podcast and Drew is a treasure!! I love everything she’s written for this site and also she is just a real gem on To L and Back, hoping she’ll be back for season 2!!

Sarah: I can only speak to the print issues which — YES, I completely agree with you about print media and would loooove these objects in my hands. Especially as the art director of all the recent issues we did in 2018 onward — it was such a fun design project and I would love to translate it into print someday.

Carmen: I’m not an expert — far from it — but I imagine that logistically print issues are hard because we only own the publishing rights to the articles for a certain amount of time, so we’d have to go back and get new permission/new contracts. Still not impossible though!

I’d also love to see a return to some more personal/”day in the life” pieces like AM/PM. I used to read that series every week! Maybe we should bring it back, especially with so many people working from home in the pandemic. Might be timely!

And I’m really glad you enjoyed the Gen Q podcast!

Nicole: I also love stuff like AM/PM Carmen!

I love you all but seriously how could you have not included Catradora in your list of 2020 best TV couples 😭

Heather: Okay, see, the thing is that I had included She-Ra in every single one of our other year-end lists and written about She-Ra a billion times, and all of those included Catradora swooning, and I was just out of things to say! And I wanted to make space for shows I hadn’t included on my other lists but that did fit in the Best Couples list. Oh, friend, we’re just human beans out here in this pandemic-riddled world trying to do the best we can with our limited time and energy and love.

The Toasted Walnut Bar and Grill, the only lesbian bar in Philadelphia, just announced it’s closing down. Keep us Philly lesbians in your hearts :(

Rachel: I’m so sad about this — I missed my chance to visit it during my last trip to Philly. Thinking of you <3

Nicole: I’m also sad about this! Wish I had known it existed last I was in Philly :( I am holding you in my heart.

Just stopping by to say that Eloise Bridgerton is absolutely obviously queer and I want justice to be served in season 2 👀👀

Carmen: I will have you know that about halfway through Bridgerton I stopped to research this very same question! Sadly, in the books Eloise is straight and since one of the Bridgerton brothers is going to be gay, I’m not sure that Shonda Rhimes’ going to flip two characters from the (straight) romance series into queer romances. Still, we can hope! Everything is gay in Shondaland afterall.

I wish there was an official arbiter to whom you can bring receipts (screenshots) to prove that you were in fact being gaslit and not doing the gaslighting at all

Heather: I WISH THAT TOO. Sometimes I think that’s why I started writing creative nonfiction: to keep my own head on straight!

Rachel: Totally! Not to presume anything about what you are currently already doing or not doing, but maybe it’s useful for others; this can be one thing therapy helps with! Before therapy gave me any tools or personal healing or anything else, it was a place where an objective third party told me ‘actually, that situation isn’t normal or healthy, and it’s totally reasonable to be distressed by it,’ which was very life-changing.

Nicole: Once I made a spreadsheet to deal with a gaslighting situation. It helped a lot! (It was just for me, not to show anyone.)

Is it just me, or has there been a recent uptick in completely garbage comments? Every time I look at the little “Latest Comments” section, there’s at least one awful remark (usually on an article either about or written by someone trans and/or PoC). Is there any way to block or report these people?

Heather: There absolutely has been yes, and we’re working to get a handle on it. I’m sorry it’s happening; it’s making us bonkers too. There are several solutions in the brainstorming pipe!

just wanted to tell you that a lot of my friends who have great taste (except for the fact that they are straight! can you believe a life like that) keep telling me that they like my youdoyou tshirt and saying i look great in it!!! yay for you, yay for compliments!!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Do you know if there is any research about whether lesbians, queer women, queers in general, etc actually have/live with/love cats at a higher rate than heterosexuals? This is a current hot topic of debate and I figured if anyone knew, it would be your team. Thank you so much! This is going to be a great use of my a+ membership!

Riese: Yes, there is! I did it myself personally! And the article is right here: It’s True: Queer Women Own The Most Cats So I Guess I’m Dying Alone

Nicole: From the same survey, I deeply feel Gay People Are More Haunted By Ghosts Than Straight People Are. I know you did not ask for this, but it was a sort of…”while we’re here” situation.

Oooh! All this press around Kate Freeman on Jeopardy (Omgosh and then she pops into the AS comment section!!?! Eeeeee!! 😄) reminded me that *I believe* Mary Lambert’s partner was supposed to be on Jeopardy soon, but I’m not sure if or when the episode aired. Anyone have any intel on this? I vaguely remember Mary posting something about it last year-ish (?) that the ep was taped early in 2020?

Carmen: I don’t have any intel on this, but I absolutely loved all the joy we felt around Kate! And her handing out in the comments section! And if Mary’s partner has been on Jeopardy, I’d welcome them into the queer nerd kindgom with open arms!

Hey there,

I just read the “67 of the Best Queer Books of 2020” article, happy to have so many books to add to my 2021 reading list. I’m not sure if has being mentioned in previous articles but Exciting Times by Queer Irish author Naoise Dolan was one of my favourite reads this year. I read it as part of a book club and ending up finishing it the day I got it (quarantine). Would love to hear your guys thoughts on it! I’ve linked the Guardian review.

Cheers,
Ruth

Rachel: Oh I’ve heard such good things about this — really interested to check it out, thank you!

Non-pressing question! I’ve seen in comments that there are adoptive parents in the AS community who have adopted older kids, sometimes queer themselves. If you have space, I’d love to learn about experiences of queer parents adopting queer kids, especially parents of color. Are there articles already that I’m missing, or resources you can recommend? or google search terms to recommend cuz I’m just finding stats, not individual stories.

Heather: I’m not sure if we have specific articles about queer parents adopting queer kids, but we published a brilliant years-long series by KaeLyn about being a queer parent and an adoptee! This is one of my all-time favorite Autostraddle series.

Carmen: Queer adoption is on my top dream list for this year, so let’s all keep our fingers crossed and stay tuned! (I agree, KaeLyn’s is one of my all-time favorites, too.)

Riese what is the book you are writing tell us pls is it fiction or non, more deets pls

Riese: Hello! It is fiction but it’s based on a true story that took place in 2007-2009, so basically the two years leading up to the founding of Autostraddle, and a girl who came into my life and the lives of my friends and made a lot of big promises and took me on a bit of a luxurious whirlwind but nothing turned out to be what it seemed! So it’s about the fuzziness around what ‘reality’ actually is, it’s about friendship and queer community and love and sex but I’d say it’s mostly very much about mental illness in the LGBTQ community, and how our VERY high rates of mental illness, coupled with a degree of ostracization from the mainstream (at least at the time that this story takes place) has an enormous impact on our relationships with each other. How do we navigate a world in which most of us are sick or hurt or traumatized, but often in invisible ways? It’s hard! But also it’s a very fun and compelling and interesting story. It’s years and years of me telling this true story to friends that has made me realize what a good story it is! It’s twisty as fuck. I think people will really love it.

Very low-urgency astrology question: Is it normal that the notes for my rising sign (Capricorn) often resonate way more than my sun/moon (double Cancer) in those silly Instagram memes? I don’t really understand how the different signs supposedly impact how we operate but I can’t seem to find a straightforward explanation. Any ideas/where I could find an answer?

Carmen: So I know very little about astrology, but from what I understand your rising sign sometimes described as “how you present to the world” — so following that logic, then it makes sense that your rising in those queer memes, right?

(For those who are wondering, the same friend who taught me that also described the other signs as: the sun is who you are at your core, the rising is how you present to the world, and the moon is when you’re drunk. This person wasn’t Chani Nichols, so take it with a grain of salt! And any astrology nerds, please don’t be mad at me!)

Nicole: I don’t think it’s weird at all! You’re actually supposed to read your rising and sun signs when you read horoscopes, or at least that is my understanding. So then it follows that they both must weigh heavily on your day-to-day experiences. Also, and I am getting way out of my depth here, but I think if your rising sign is in certain houses, it might be a stronger presence in your life?

What is the likelihood of A Camp ever happening again? Dreaming about Acamp is really keeping me sane these days, but wondering if I should get used to the idea that it isn’t coming back.

Riese: I think it will probably happen again, yes

Hey everyone!

Thanks for spending time with this question! It’s a bit of a lighthearted one.

I am a bisexual cis woman whose dress sense is slightly fem but leaning to androgynous. I like the suit look but also rock dresses and skirts. I like to feel like I leave people questioning my sexuality as well as theirs ( even if it’s not true). I’m a little flamboyant and don’t really follow trends.

I have been incredibly lucky and have started a new job during the covid lockdowns where I have been exclusively working from home. Trouble is, after a year of being at home and wearing nothing but jeans and 90s band t-shirts they’ve hit me with a request to get my picture taken for their website (when restrictions allow).

What do I wear??!! I’ve read a few helpful articles on autostraddle about queer office dressing and although they have been excellent for everyday ideas they just didn’t hit for this situation. It’s a professional setting but they pride themselves on being a ‘young office’ and seem pretty laid back and fun.

I’d like to say ‘I am professional, sexy (low key sexy but at the same time overtly 🔥) and bisexual af.

Go!

(Also, I am fully aware I am overthinking this but I think I need a silly worry to distract me from the mounting covid cases in my area, the new strain and the incredibly strict lockdown that seems never ending. Thank you!)

Sarah: First of all, I am so shocked you’re still wearing jeans! I have selectively worn jeans a few times since the pandemic hit but I’m almost exclusively in soft pants these days. Though wearing hard pants (jeans) does hit a little differently — it does make me feel human and ‘dressed up’ in a way I sometimes don’t feel in a casual sweatpants look! I DIGRESS! If the office is laid back and fun I would let your personality shine through! It might be fun to dress up one of your favorite band tees with a blazer! In terms of pants, I’m unsure you’ll even be showing your lower half? Usually the context of these are kind of headshotty — cropped mid torso. Focus on bringing personality to your upper half. The vibe you’re describing (sexy, hot, bisexual) I think, can be conveyed by expression. Maybe provide a few options, one smiling, one silly, one a little sultry. YOU’RE GONNA DO GREAT!

I’d like to say ‘I am professional, sexy (low key sexy but at the same time overtly 🔥) and bisexual af.’

MISC

In “Imagine Me and You,” how exactly do they know that precocious child?

Heather: What if that precocious child is a ghost?? That kind of makes the movie even better, right? Watch it again and let me know what you think.

I am (was?) dating the Tenderqueer from “Dykes and Their Emotional Support Albums” who listens to Phoebe Bridgers and they haven’t texted me back since right before Christmas. Did I have it coming?

Rachel: Honestly they’re probably too depressed to text anyone, I would say it’s definitely not personal. Eventually they’ll post like, a bad cinquain on Lex and you’ll recognize them and be like woof, dodged a bullet there!

Hiiiiii. Taylor Swift’s evermore was just released a couple hours ago, and I’m stoned as fuuuuuuck, but it’s queer as hell, yeah? k love you bai

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

I just wanted to thank you all for your advice answers. I was really worried about a poly situation and that I asked about a few months ago, but your advice helped and it went really well! Cheers!

Rachel: Wow, this is amazing news! We so rarely get followup resolution, and for it to be good news??? Everyone is more than welcome to do this, by the way! This made my day!

Nicole: This made me so happy!

I just wanted to say I got my new blue scissoring sweatshirt in the mail today and it’s PERFECT AND EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED!

Sarah: HONESTLY I’M SO GLAD AND I HOPE IT KEEPS YOU EXTRA COZY AND WARM FOR A VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME.

Nicole: This sweatshirt is wildly comfy AND the inside is perfect for cleaning my glasses. Just agreeing it is ideal. I’m so glad you’re enjoying it!!!

The workshop was awesome, and it would be really cool to have an ongoing sex ed workshop series!

Rachel: WOW do I have some great news for you – we’re actually just this week launching a sex ed workshop series featuring a range of your favorite writers and sex educators! Join us this Monday for the first in 2021! Registration for live events is exclusive to A+ members; the recording and transcript of the event will become available to the public afterwards!

Nicole: I’m so excited about this series! The live events will be just for A+ members. However, because sex ed is super important, that importance also includes getting this info out to people who can’t be members right now, we’re going to release the recordings afterward for all Autostraddlers. I just want to take a moment to thank you all for making projects like this possible! And I hope you join us on March 1! (Password is APLUSQUEERSEX131 )

Thank you. Thank you for making me laugh we I haven’t in days. Thank you for challenging me to consider new possibilities. Thank you for affirming my experiences, my boundaries, my questions, my desires. Thank you for sharing of yourselves so generously. Thank you for showing us care. Please be good to yourselves.

Heather: Thank you for reading, for caring about us, and for sharing so much gratitude and good wishes. I understand what all of these feelings are like, and it is a balm to my heart to know that being here with us in this space is a comfort to you!

Sarah: 😍Thank you, so so so much.

Riese: THANK YOU SO MUCH

Nicole: 💖💖💖

I just realized: I use Autostraddle like a gay google. When I want to know if a celebrity is queer I search their name on AS bc I know someone here will have covered the material— or if not I can type it in here as a question for the A+ Inbox. Same goes for when I want to know about literally anything else, but want a queer perspective on it. This is truly an invaluable service! THANK YOU!!

Heather: This makes me so happy! I had this dream the other night that we made a search feature where you could look up a celeb’s name and it would tell you if they were queer or not queer or “investigation in progress.” Which made me wake myself up laughing.

Riese: Yes I love this !!!

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