Out by the pool, Sophie and Dharma are dancing like everybody’s drinking and nobody’s watching… and then they’re making out… and then SURPRISE!!! It turns out that Dharma is Michael’s wife and apparently she thought it would be okay to make out with a stranger at a small party she’s attending with her husband despite seemingly not being in an open relationship.
In the ensuing scuffle, our dear Sophie ends up a victim of both drama and gravity’s restless arm — she falls right into that swimming pool.
It appears Sophie managed to snag an advance copy of Alice’s new book!
We then return to The Aloce Show Offices, where Tom’s still on vent duty and Alice is still questioning the outcome of their relationship and if perchance she pushed him away too soon? I truly don’t think Alice… ever pushes people away! She seems actually more comfortable with intimacy and sharing a life with someone than most of her peers. And Tom wanting marriage and kids and Alice not wanting those things doesn’t mean she pushed him away, it just means it wasn’t a good match.
Tom asks Alice about the girl she dated after Dana — maybe she could be the one? After reminding us that she kissed Lara (in fact she also did have sex with Lara, a scenario everybody hated except for me and Kayla), she brings up Tasha.
Backstory time! So Alice says their relationship ended after many years ’cause Tasha was too intimidated by the success of Alice’s GLAAD Award-Winning podcast The Chart — the home of some of our community’s most treasured episodes of video entertainment, like “teaching lesbian slang to California University Dean Phyllis Kroll,” “outing a closeted basketball player” and “apologizing to Max.”
However, Alice claims that Tasha ghosted her at the end of their relationship. Which — if it pleases the court! — I’d like to suggest is impossible when you are living with your girlfriend of many years? How do you ghost your roommate? Like you move out in the dead of night and never see or speak to them again… in Los Angeles? ‘Cause you’re intimidated by the success of their podcast? I definitely can see Tasha setting firm post-breakup boundaries but … ghosting? What? Anyhow, here’s hoping that was simply a poor choice of words and Tasha will return to the program and reveal that she’s still in love with Alice and also decided not to be a cop after all!
Anyhow, great news!!! Tom got the kitten out of the vent!
Tom suggests they take the kitten to a shelter but I think we all know a much better plan…
Outside the Fletcher Field Day venue, Dani’s ordered Sophie a car to get her the hell out of dodge and back home for some cold water and six ibuprofen. Sophie apologizes for kissing Dre, explaining that something happens to her when she’s around them and, well, Dani can relate.
As Sophie gets into her vehicle she gives Dani her blessing to go for Dre — she needs to be alone for a while, anyhow. Thank Goddess!
Back inside the venue, Dani delivers Fletcher her overdue margarita.
She apologizes for the delay:
Dani: I am so so sorry, that was incredibly unprofessional of me, my ex kissed two people she shouldn’t have and then fell into the pool.
Fletcher: Honestly? It’s the kind of sapphic chaos I live for.
“Messy is way better, in my opinion,” Fletcher tells Dani before thanking her for a wonderful evening on the set of The L Word: Generation Q.
Back at Carrie’s House For Wayward Finleys, Carrie’s just about ready to quit Wordle and Finley’s just about ready for dinner, having successfully prepared a lasagna! The way Carrie affirms Finley’s small achievements is so subtle but also so parental and loving and it feels like it’s maybe the thing Finley’s really been missing all this time and if they rip it away from her for any reason I am going to light my television set on fire.
But then the doorbell rings! And who’s at the door????
It’s Misty! She’s here to deliver Carrie’s bowling bag but immediately admits the bowling bag handoff is really just an excuse —
Misty: I like you.
Carrie: Wait, could you uh.. .just say that again?
Misty: Yes, I can. I really do like you, Carrie. And I’m sorry, I guess I’m not like; used to being chased or something.
Carrie: “Chased” is funny because you know I don’t run.
Carrie invites her in, and the way she says “the kid made a lasanga, it’s pretty amazing, you hungry?” just warmed my heart so hard!
We then mosey on back to California University, where Angie’s returning to her dorm with two pieces of news: firstly, she did apparently have sex with that man! Secondly, he broke up with her.
Angie cries in Bella’s arms and I thought to myself… wait… are they gonna hook up now? Anyhow, they didn’t, so.
It’s nighttime now and all our friends are tucking themselves into bed with their new revelations and personalities.
At Chez Alice, Alice is getting into bed with her new soulmate, a tiny kitten, whomst she is not sure if she should name Mr Piddles Jr or Mr Piddles 2.
At Carrie’s House for Wayward Finleys, Finley’s done a quick turnover of the dining room’s best two-top, creating a romantic evening for Carrie and Misty to enjoy together. And so they sit down, and they cheers, and they kiss!
Back at SoMiMar’s… in one room, Micah and Maribel are having our 5th Sexy Moment of post-9pm strap-on sex which begins with a truly delightful shot of Micah’s ass in a harness…
… and in the next room, Sophie is icing her boobs while reminding her sister that she can indeed hear them bone! Furthermore, she’s applying for a some kind of documentary filmmaking lab because she’s ready to make her dreams a reality.
Back at Carrie’s, Finley is in what appears to be her very own little room, phone in hand, about to make a mistake she would not have made if she’d read Alice Pieszecki’s tongue-in-cheek self help book:
Alas, she didn’t read the book and therefore begins to engage in the ancient lesbian mating ritual of texting her ex:
Step One: Stare at the text you have been crafting, drafting and re-writing all day:
Step Two: Delete the text wall you’d initially composed and replace it with “thinking of you,” thus feeling satisfied that you have indeed exercised restraint in your Ex-Texting Process, because compared to the text you were going to send, this is practically not a text at all!
Step Three: The reality sets in in which you can no longer imagine your ex could potentially also be thinking of you as well because now the potential exists for your ex to write back or not write back, thus cluing you in to a truth of their current existence that might be worse than your prior ignorance which, as they so often say, is bliss.
Step Four: Pleasant surprise that your ex has kindly Hearted your text, which is cryptic but if taken literally, does mean that they in fact love that you are thinking of them? Right? That’s good right?
And then the phone promptly turns on Finley because it begins to ring, and the caller ID says “Mom,” and I guess my hope here is that this show is not going to make more than one character’s parent sick this season!
We then return to the now-empty Launch Party, where Dre’s gone ahead and taken their clothes off and slipped into the swimming pool, naked as the day they were born.
Dre tells Dani they’ve got a girl back in Ohio — they’re not together anymore, but it’s their high school girlfriend and somehow it’s complicated even though Dre is single. Dani just got out of something serious that ended abruptly and robbed the program of its most beloved character Gigi, so she’s fine with something not-serious and slightly messy with Dre, which could in fact begin right here, right now.
And thus we end our episode with Sexy Moment #6Â between Dre and Dani, which like all the other sex scenes this season clocks in at under 45 seconds but holds great potential for these two characters and their moon-dappled fall evening under the stars. Looks like somebody read Alice’s new tongue-in-cheek self-help book!
Finally I would like to end this recap by thanking my girlfriend who translated my vision of Alice’s book cover into glorious graphics for this recap and sent the finished product to me in a Google Drive folder that also contained this extremely special and romantic gift:
The Round-Up:
Squabbles: 2 this episode, 12 total
Sexy Moments: 2 this episode, 7 total
Quote of the Week:
Dani: I am so so sorry, that was incredibly unprofessional of me, my ex kissed two people she shouldn’t have and then fell into the pool.
Fletcher: Honestly it’s the kind of sapphic chaos I lived for.
