Welcome to Interviews With My Ex-Girlfriend, in which Autostraddle writers get back in touch with their ex-girlfriends to ask them Five Simple Questions:
- How long did we date?
- Why did we break up?
- What did you learn from our relationship?
- What do you miss most about me?
- Would you invite me to your wedding (why/why not)?
I met Brittny through mutual friends in 2009. My first girlfriend, who I dated for two years, had just broken up with me and I was rebounding with her male coworker to try to make her jealous (as you do). Brit and I met at a house party and I liked her immediately. She was outspoken and smart and really attractive, but was dating someone! In typical gay fashion, we pined over each other for a bit (Brit even recorded a vlog about her crush on me). Her and her boyfriend broke up and we finally confessed our feelings and a relationship was born! We accomplished a lot in the few months we were together, mostly reading Autostraddle articles, making dresses together, getting kicked out of gay bars and watching The L Word.
“sometimes i just want to be gay with you, and watch the l word and listen to tegan and sara and read autostraddle and go to revolution and dance to peaches… you know!?”
-IM from Brit, 2009
Brit was an integral piece of helping me really understand and accept my sexuality, and to this day she remains a really great friend. I’m really lucky to have her in my life, and glad we were able to overcome things and get to this point. Here is our interview!
Chelsey: Hi!
Brit: Hi. Am I being recorded right now?
Chelsey: You are. We have 19 minutes.
Brit: Awesome.
Chelsey: I can call you back after the 19 minutes if you want to actually talk. You know, not for a website, but…
Brit: Right.
Chelsey: Are you ready?
Brit: I’m ready as I’ll ever be.
Chelsey: Okay. How long were we together and when?
Brit: Um, let’s see. I feel like it was a couple months.
Chelsey: Okay…
Brit: Um, and it was in 2009… is that right? Was it 2009?
Chelsey: I think so. Wasn’t it? It was five years ago.
Brit: Okay. So three or four months in 2009.
Chelsey: Yea. I’d say. I’m glad we worked that out.
[Brit laughs]
Chelsey: Why did we break up to the best of your recollection?
Brit: Hmmm. I got pregnant… by a man.
Chelsey: Yes. Should we mention you were dating said man right before we got together?
Brit: It was an on and off, you know, situation. But yeah, I guess the reason we broke up was because I got knocked up. That’s a good reason…
Chelsey: That’s a pretty good reason.
Brit: I don’t think it was that exactly, but I think it was that and I was going to move back to Maryland. Like a number of things. It was bad timing, I guess.
Chelsey: I think it’s a pretty good reason to break up with somebody. Moving and getting knocked up. I couldn’t really get mad about it.
Brit: Right.
Chelsey: Okay, next question. What do you miss most about me?
Brit: What do I miss the most? I think I miss just hanging out and absolutely doing nothing. Being so comfortable. Like just, like being around you.
Chelsey: Awww. I miss being around you! You’re so far away.
Brit: Aw. It’s just I can’t… You know, it’s one thing if you can keep in contact with somebody from long distance, but actually being able to hang out with them, it’s completely different. I miss being able to actually be around you physically.
Chelsey: I feel the same. Okay, next! What about our relationship impacted your later relationships?
BRIT: I feel like it made me want to be more comfortable with people. I feel like it made me not want to have like a superficial relationship with somebody. I felt like with you I was myself and very comfortable and I didn’t have to fake anything with you. So I feel like when I met new people after us that I really had to make sure that, there was no like “trying to impress somebody,” there was no “trying to hide things,” or “pretending I was interested in something I wasn’t,” I wanted to just be myself with people.
Chelsey: Okay. That’s a good answer. I’m glad!
Brit: I really want to get across the answer to this question. It’s two things really. I was with you initially because I could be myself around you which is so important, but also it was the more difficult route to try and be with you — but sometimes it’s okay to make yourself do the difficult thing in life because in the end it ends up being a good decision. I learned that from our relationship. I’m so glad I’ve had you in my life and still have you in my life to this day.
Chelsey: I am too, for sure. I think we had a definitely uphill, and then obviously downhill battle, but I really learned from our thing that there can be struggles but it doesn’t mean that’s the end, that you can work through them and sometimes the difficult things yield the best and most amazing things. Like our friendship!
Yes, we have matching tattoos
Chelsey: Okay, the last question. Would you, at this juncture, invite me to your wedding? Why or why not?
Brit: I totally would. Because, this is funny, but I told Michael that I was doing this with you, that you had asked me to do this interview with you. And I was like “Does that make you uncomfortable at all?” is what I asked him, and he said “Well, you know, if you’re gonna”…I didn’t know what the interview was about at this time, and he was like “Well, if the interview has to do with, you know, a sexual aspect of your relationship, that may make me feel a little uncomfortable, but if not, then it wouldn’t.” He said, “I’ve never met Chelsey in person, but she seems so wonderful,” like how I talk about you, I guess. And, so, I would. ‘Cause I guess, you know, if the person I was going to marry was Michael, then he thinks that you’re lovely, and would want to see you.
Chelsey: Awww. I think Michael’s lovely and I want to meet him. Not via Facetime.
Chelsey: Okay. That’s it!
Brit: Oh, okay!
Chelsey: Unless you have anything else you’d like to say.
Brit: No, I don’t think so. Do you want to get off the recording and call me right back?
Chelsey: Yeah!
Note: As of the publication date of this article, Michael and Brit are married! My girlfriend Erin and I were ABSOLUTELY invited!
This was really sweet!!
I’ve recently connected with two of my exes, and can only imagine how they would answer these questions…
Awww! I’m glad you and Erin were invited to the wedding! Also, explain the matching tattoos? You can see each other’s hearts?
They are the all seeing eye! And then we put them in a heart because we thought it would be cute? I don’t why we did the heart. We got those after we broke up, actually.
This is super adorable.
Interview with an ex is one of my top fave articles on Autostraddle and this one was great too. Love to not only get the answer but the proof of a wedding invite!!
Oh my gosh, and they did get married! This was so sweet, especially the really poignant bit from Brittny about how you were the harder choice to have made, and the better one. How amazing to have been that for someone (or have made that decision along with someone)!
Wow, that sounds like it was a bit of a roller coaster at the time. It’s great to see how you bounced back from that and still remain in contact. Those tattoos are super cute, by the way.
Awwww Chels!! This is a really adorable interview and I love hearing your voice in my head while I read it! I feel like being able to get to a place of friendship like this after a breakup (regardless of how long that takes) is a super cool and lovely thing
You two are so sweet!
AWWWWWWWW <3
this was like WAY CUTER than i initially expected by the intro
I like to keep you on your toes.
‘s cute!
I am almost positive that “Interviews with my Ex Girlfriend” is the reason I joined A+ so I love when they are so sweet and cute. But how could anything involving Chelsey (cutest sweetest human alive) not be sweet and cute, idk
these are my favorite articles gahhhhh!
This is so cute and awesome!
Yay for comfort with people / not having to falsely impress them all the time. So many unanswered questions in this article though, I would have loved to read more!
I think we need this vlog to be uploaded STAT
I TRIED TO FIND IT FOR YOU! But I think she deleted it.
These are my favourite articles. This one was really sweet.
Thank you
“sometimes i just want to be gay with you, and watch the l word and listen to tegan and sara and read autostraddle and go to revolution and dance to peaches… you know!?”
-IM from Brit, 2009
THIS SUMS UP MOST OF MY FRIENDSHIPS! Except, replace The L Word with another relevant queer TV show (there are so many now! Orange is the New Black! Pretty Little Liars! Orphan Black! The Fosters!).
Thanks for sharing this, Chelsey and Brit! Congratulations Brit and Michael! :)
So adorable! I love how you both managed to learn something useful out of the relationship and ended up with what sounds like a great friendship!
Interview with my ex girlfriend is like 80% of the reason I joined A+
The inside look at how two people view their relationship in retrospect is sort of comforting when love gets you down. Personally, it makes it more possible to imagine all the possible beginnings/middles/endings of a relationship, in a very positive way.
Sooooo cute!
I think I might just be emotional at the moment but also I’m emotional because of this y’know? yeah.
I love that you really were invited to the wedding!
This series makes me wish I was still friends with any of my exes. Breaking up because your partner is pregnant by her ex must have been rough- it’s cool you are still friends!
Oh my god, Chelsey this is so cute. Also I find it hard to believe that you were ever kicked out of a gay bar or anywhere!
It was for underage drinking in the bathroom if that puts it into perspective. <3
This is so cute!
my two autostraddle faves: interview with my ex-girlfriend and CHELSEY “COME TO MY BUNK BED” PETTY
what a day.
what.
a.
day.
I love this. It makes me want to interview my ex. But she isn’t a straddler and I don’t think she’d get it.
Cuuuute!
THEY GOT MARRIED. THAT IS THE BEST ENDING.
I enjoy this column
awwww! this one made me go awwwwww a lot! i loved this!
Wow this is so so cute. you’re both so sweet to eachother which I guess I’m not surprised about because we’re talking about Chelsey but boy oh boy was this just as sweet as can be.
I think I say this every time: but I love this column and it makes me super happy to be an A+ member. It’s also made me want to get matching tattoos with someone one day. :)
Awww this was great! It’s awesome that you’re still friends with your ex. It give me hope!
I would have pretended to ask a sexual question at the end, just to mess with Michael. You’re a nicer person than I am, I guess. :p
That IM was the best
This was so cuuuuuuuute
I still don’t understand the whole friends with exes thing. But kudos so all y’all who can make it happen! I crumble into a pile of sadness and cringiness even when I just see mine on social media, so.
“sometimes it’s okay to make yourself do the difficult thing in life because in the end it ends up being a good decision”
I love this.
Just to reiterate what everyone else has already said, this was so sweet! And this series is definitely a favorite of mine, one of the best things about the A+ perks, IMO. I love the story of your relationship and that you were invited to the wedding.