Faking It Episode 207 Recap: Lesbians Move Fast

Meanwhile at the communal love table, Reagan and Liam are trying to figure out where they recognize each other from. This means we’re only moments away from Reagan remembering that she was handing out olives on tiny pieces of bread at that party where Amy threw water on his face and said he’d slept with her best friend!

Liam: Do you go to Hester?
Reagan: No.. do you go to lesbian karaoke?
Liam: That’s a thing?
Reagan: It’s like regular karaoke except everybody sings P!nk.

Wait a second, you’re the guy who stuck a bunch of pipe cleaners into a basketball and hung it upside down from the ceiling of Urban Outfitters and called it art, right? I hate your work.

In other news, Shane’s trying to convince Duke to come out to his open-minded accepting friends and Lauren’s quizzing Theo on his family’s medical history.

Really? Your mom and your dad are actual wizards?

Reagan suddenly realizes where she knows Liam from — that engagement party! Liam’s eager to end that convo before it starts, a desire complicated by Amy and Karma’s sudden return to the table and by Amy’s mutual interest in stuffing that story into the gullet of a large bird and burying it underground where nobody will ever find it in a million trillion years.

Do I have any placenta in my teeth?

Karma can’t stop telling Karmy stories and Reagan’s starting to feel really weird about not knowing this girl existed. Reagan puts a territorial arm around Amy, which I honestly love because I’m demented and codependent.

Reagan: It seems like you guys go pretty far back, I can’t believe you never mentioned her once, shrimp girl.
Amy: That’s my nickname, she calls me that because I love shrimp.
Karma: Yeah. I know that you love shrimp. And we do go back. Way way back. To kindergarten. If you thought that Sam Alamo story was good, you should hear about the time we dyed our hair with Kool-Aid!

Hey baby why don’t you tell your friend Karmen about our new under-the-bed restraint system and how we played with it all night

Theo’s holding it down with Lauren, making shit up about his family history. For example, he says that he was left on a doorstep in a basket and is now the son of a preacher man. I love him.

Really, tell me again why you think Klaine is endgame?

When Duke refuses to acknowledge his gay feelings for Shane to the waiter — because waitstaff is where people usually like to begin the coming out process — Shane retaliates by flirting shamelessly with the waiter. Then Duke retaliates by flirting shamelessly with Lauren, which makes Theo jealous, so basically everybody is having a terrible time. I hope some of that food is Kraft dinner, I don’t know what else could redeem this evening.

Well sir I do declare that is the BEST banana split I have EVER seen.

Then Karma apologizes to Reagan for “hogging the mike” and asks how Amy and Reagan met. Um, doesn’t Karma think they met at the Underground Dance Party rave? I thought we’ve been through this.

Reagan: Well, Amy and I —
Amy: Uh, Karma, look — mushrooms!
Reagan: Lemme guess, you guys have a special thing about mushrooms.
Karma: Not exactly a special thing, it’s just that I hate mushrooms and Amy loves them.
Reagan: Why don’t you try some of this kale, Amy?
Karma: Oh no, Amy hates kale. Luckily, she has all of these mushrooms!
Reagan: It’s funny, Amy’s never mentioned mushrooms before, so how much could she really love them?
Karma: Trust me, Amy loves mushrooms. Kale could never compare.
Shane: Experiment with both!
Liam: I just think everyone should eat what’s in front of them and not share anything.
Theo: He’s right, everyone should leave other people’s dishes alone.
Lauren: There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind once you’ve already ordered.
Duke: You should all try the kale. It’s full of antioxidants.

These people are really beautiful tonight. All of them. I want to hold their faces in my palms and squeeze their faces and say YOU ARE ALL SO BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.

Look bro, you have ten minutes to pass the motherfucking potatoes before I go batshit on this entire buffet

Anyhow, to settle this situation once and for all, Amy shovels some kale into her mouth, which makes Reagan very happy, but then she’s a little less happy when Amy starts choking and freaking out! Karma’s livid — the kale must have been cooked in peanut oil and Amy is deathly allergic! — and everybody is freaking out,  especially Reagan, but then Karma fixes it by stabbing Amy with an epi pen.

This is how lesbians have sex

Reagan’s officially had exactly enough and gets up to leave. Amy wants to know where she’s going.

Reagan: Amy, yesterday I had no idea you had any friends at all but apparently you have this best friend Karm-AAAA who you share tons of history with and who carries your epi pen, so to answer your question, I’m leaving.

You want me to do a threesome before we’ve even had our first twosome?

It was Karma’s idea she loves threesomes don’t be mad at me

But before Reagan can leave, there’s still so much more damage to be done!

Amy: I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you —
Karma: There’s no need to get territorial. Amy can have a best friend.
Reagan: I’m territorial? I’m surprised you haven’t peed on her yet, you act more like a jealous ex than a best friend.
Lauren: Well, she kinda is.

(awkward pause)

Lauren: Did you not tell her?

Don’t kill the messenger

Lauren: What I can not keep track of who knows what anymore.
Reagan: You two were a couple?
Amy: No! Sort of —
Karma: We were faking being lesbians to be popular.
Shane: Good save.
Reagan: You were a fake lesbian?
Amy: No, Karma was faking it, I — I um —
(pause)
Reagan: You’re in love with her. That’s it, I’m leaving.

Throughout all of this, the only person retaining any semblance of sanity has been, much to my misandrist chagrin, Liam Booker. Amy’s still in shock and Karma’s trying to fix everything by making Amy happy about donuts. Liam interrupts to tell Karma that she needs to slow her roll.

Liam: Karma, we get it, you know all of Amy’s favorite foods. But can’t you see she’s really into Reagan?

Can’t you see that your best friend is a lesbian, and is therefore better than all of us?

Liam implores Amy to chase her woman and save the day for love and romance! Amy valiantly rises to the occasion and heads out, but Karma wants to come too! Liam yanks Karma back to the table and begs her to give Amy space. Karma HATES SPACE. She runs out of the restaurant.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the table, the waiter gives Shane a free dessert, which inspires Duke to ask Lauren if she’d like to get the hell out of this place.

Theo: No way! I brought her here, I’m taking her home.
Duke: You know I’m a black belt in four martial arts, right?
Theo: I’m a black belt too. In ass-whooping.

This pleases Lauren’s peach and thus she throws her arms around Theo, thrilled to make sweet mouthlove to him forevermore.

Let’s share chapstick!

What about Duke, Theo wants to know, but Lauren brushes it off, “Oh, he’s obviously gay and on a date with Shane.” Duke’s horrified to have his homosexuality out there on the table like all the kale and mushrooms, so he storms out. Theo and Lauren blissfully bust the pop stand, leaving a sad Liam and a sad Shane all alone at a large table for communal eating.

“Group hang, awesome,” says Liam, flashing a thumbs up to his pal cross-table.

Firstly, this is Reagan’s vehicle:

Kinda confused about where her A+ member sticker is though

So, Reagan’s about to get into her bomb hot lesbian truck when Amy catches up to her. Amy begs her to stay! Amy says she can explain! But Reagan’s not gonna chase somebody around who’s hard up for another lady.

Amy: I’m not in love with Karma anymore.
Reagan: Then why didn’t you tell me about her? and why did you freak out when I tried to tell her about us? I can’t do this if Karma’s gonna be lingering in the background.

I mean, do you think we could go just ONE DAY without you asking if I’m ready for anal?

Amy insists that Karma won’t always be lingering in the background, at which point Reagan points out that Karma is actually literally lingering in the background at this exact moment.

What? I needed fresh air!

This is the first time in the history of their friendship that either of them have had a significant other, which’s hard enough for best friends to deal with, even without the Amy-liking-Karma-stuff. But Amy just needs Karma to butt out.

Amy: What are you doing here?
Karma: I just wanted to explain, look Reagan we’ve been best friends since —
Amy: Karma, I’ve got this!

Karma says she’s just trying to help and Amy’s like, welp, you are absolutely not helping, get out of my face! Karma, saddened, recedes.

Would this be a bad time to ask for a foot massage

Amy, not skipping a beat, turns to Reagan, apologizes, and explains:

Amy: My feelings for her are complicated, we have a past, but I want a future with you. But she’s right, she’s always gonna be a part of my life and you’ve gotta be okay with that if you’re gonna be my girlfr—

Reagan smiles – did she just say girlfriend? Amy gets embarrassed but Reagan saves the moment by accepting the offer of girlfriendhood, citing Amy’s willingness to die for her via Kale as a situation that Reagan would be rude to ignore. After double-checking that Reagan didn’t have any of the poison kale, the two girls begin kissing with tongue.

YAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

Back at the Super Muscle Gym, Duke’s punching a punching bag with his man hands when Shane shows up for a screaming match! Shane can’t get down with closet cases and Duke can’t get down with coming out and Shane doesn’t think Duke should feel ashamed of his hot burning man-love.

Duke: Look, I’d love to kiss you in the middle of Times Square, but I can’t. It’s not about being ashamed. I’ve known I was gay since I was 11, but I’ve known I wanted to be a pro MMA fighter since I was in pre-school… I believe it’s what I was put on this earth to do and I’m so close I can taste it. I just have to land some sponsorships.

Can we have ONE relationship talk without you trying to compare me to Dana Fairbanks?

But Duke can’t promise that he’ll come out after securing sponsorships, either. He doesn’t want to lose Shane, but understands if it’s not gonna work.

Meanwhile, Karma and Liam are sitting in Liam’s truck, thinking of days gone by, bluebirds and sunflowers. Karma feels stupid. Liam feels Over It.

Karma: I just wanted to help Amy move on.
Liam: Yeah, well maybe she’s not the one who needs to.

Don’t blame me for the smell it was your idea to go to White Castle

Liam doesn’t think Karma can handle the idea of Amy loving anybody else as much as she loves Karma, but Karma insists she just wants Amy to be happy, like she’s so so happy with Liam!!

I can’t figure out if Liam’s being a possessive jerk or not, and I’m rendered unable to accurately analyze the situation ’cause even though I’ve never shipped Karmy, I want it to be true that Karma has latent feelings for Amy. Regardless, Karma’s behavior is pretty textbook for a straight girl being forced to share her queer-best-friend-who-has-a-crush-on-her with an actual gay girlfriend. It’s all fun and games until you meet somebody else!

Liam: Are you sure about that? Because sometimes I wonder if I’m the one that you wanna be with.
Karma: What? Of course you are!
Liam: You let your parents think you’re still with Amy, I have to drop you off down the street. I mean I thought this was supposed to be a fresh start.
Karma: It was! It is!
Liam: Then why does it still feel like Amy is your girlfriend and I’m second best?
Karma: That isn’t fair.
Liam: Maybe not. But it’s true.

Actually, it was you who said you wanted to eat a tiny hamburger, where else would I have suggested we go?

I actually don’t know why he feels that way — last week, it was Amy who’s plans got cancelled so Karma could hang out with Liam. But regardless — he opens the door for her and tells her “goodnight,” and drives away, leaving her all alone in the street wearing a weird shirt and crying. Awww poor Karma. Feelings are confusing!

Just realized she left her hoodie in the car

Well, that’s all for this week my friends! Next week, Karma’s gonna tell her parents that she’s straight and Amy’s gonna be in a beauty pageant!

http://youtu.be/9E9XcfWBPgk