Welcome to the seventh recap of the second season of Faking It, a cartoon about an intrepid girl explorer who always matches her toenail polish to her fingernail polish from the network that brought you Kevin Seal, Sportin’ Fool. 

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We open in the hallowed hallways of Blue Oasis Square Dance Superfresh High School, where Karma and Amy are swapping spit about their current life situations. Karma’s craving a Girl’s Night but Amy can’t do it because she’s going on a date with Reagan to “Communal,” that Hot New Restaurant where you share everything.

Karma: But you hate sharing!
Amy: I know! And yet I’m weirdly looking forward to it.
Karma: ‘Cause you’re going with Reagan your new girlfriend!

Amy says Reagan’s not her girlfriend yet JEEZ MOM!!! Karma suggests they make their twosome into a double date, but Amy declines, saying two weeks is too early for a Meet the Friends episode.

Karma: But you’ve at least told her all about me, right?
Amy: Are you serious? I’ve told her tons about you. I’m always like Karma this, Karma that. She can’t wait to meet you. And she will, as soon as I decide I really like her.

Right.

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Cut to Amy telling Reagan that she “really likes her” as they roll around in bed sticking their tongues down each other’s throats all sexy-like.

In fact, this makeout sesh is so hot/heavy that pretty soon they topple onto the floor, where Amy warns Reagan that if they make too much noise, Mom might start noticing that Reagan’s been sneaking in Dawson Leary style.

Apparently Amy just met all of Reagan’s friends, ’cause they keep texting her to say how much they loved meeting Amy. She’s a very good bowler. However, somehow Reagan and Amy have managed to maintain conversation for the past two weeks without Amy ever talking about her own friends:

Reagan: When I meet your friends I’m really gonna have to bring my A-Game. You do have friends, right? You haven’t mentioned any. Did you kill them all? I just wanna ask that up front.
Amy: Of course I have friends! They’re busy studying! Midterms. Besides, I want you all to myself.

Then Amy smashes her mouth into Reagan’s mouth while tipping over the bedside photo of Karmy. Probably after this cut they started scissoring and having hot monkey sex and we’ll never get to see it!

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Cut to the Hungry Harry Fighter Martial Arts Punchout Club, where Shane and Duke are rolling around in their skivvies like a homoerotic Fruit of the Loom commercial. Or, I guess, a Fruit of the Loom commercial.

Shane’s wishing he and Duke could spend time together outside of the gym. For example, he’d like to be where the people are. He’d like to see, like to see them dancing (like a bunch of homosexuals). How hard is that, Duke? Why can’t you and Shane walk around on those — what’s that word again? — FEEET? Duke insists they can’t be spotted together in public, but Shane really wants Duke to meet his friends, eventually proposing “a group hang.” “I’ll tell everyone you’re my trainer,” Shane offers. “Nobody will suspect a thing!”

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Cut to the Fun Books And Food With Tables Place where Shane and Liam are stocking up on liquids for the long winter and trying to figure out what’s happening Saturday night. Everybody’s got a date, it seems, and Shane wants everybody’s dates to smash together and become one big giant group hang so that his date doesn’t feel like a real date! Unfortunately, Liam explains that double dating has been veto’ed by Amy, who says it’s too early for Reagan to meet her friends.

Karma pops up and says that she’s giving Amy space until Amy feels good and ready for her to meet Reagan. This seems a bit fishy to Shane, but more importantly, offers him an opportunity to re-brand everybody’s evening into a Group Hang.

Shane: Have to say I’m not so sure if this whole “giving Amy space” plan is the right move.
Karma: What do you mean?
Shane: I mean that while you’re off giving her space, Reagan could be burrowing herself deeper into Amy’s love nest. Lesbians move fast and they are viscously territorial.
Karma: Amy would never date anyone like that. Are you messing with me?
Shane: Fine, if you think being a former fake lesbian makes you an expert on the gay community, be my guest, take your chances.

Alternately, Shane suggests that Karma and Liam just show up at Canoodle Communal with their Caboodles and show Reagan that when it comes to Amy, Karma “is the free gift with purchase.” You know, it’ll be a “group hang” with the lezzers and the buttsex trainer and the Artist Man. Fun for the whole family!

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Cut to another hallowed hallway, where Theo’s being sketchy on the phone, saying, “I’m trying, I’m trying. I need more time! Gotta go.” Obviously he’s an undercover cop trying to find out who is selling drugs to innocent children. Right?

Then Lauren shows up wanting a status update on their relationship pronto because Lauren has her shit on lock. She starts by dumping a bunch of exposition upon us in the style of a relationship conversation: Theo and Lauren have kissed, enjoy lunch semi-regularly, and occasionally converse with gleeful emojis.

Theo: Look, I like you Lauren, but I’m not looking for anything serious —
Lauren: Well, who said I’m looking for anything serious? Especially with you! I don’t even know if you’re even boyfriend material. So, to figure that out, you’re taking me out to dinner Saturday. To someplace nice, you lose points if it’s a chain restaurant.

HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE.

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Cut to Canoodle Communal Poodle Pony Cafe, where Amy and Reagan are being cute sarcastic girlfriends with shiny shiny shiny hair:

Waiter: All dishes are communal, just like your table.
Reagan: So how does this work? You bring me a dish and I eat it all myself?
Waiter: No, here at Communal we encourage a communal dining experience.
Amy: OHHH, okay, so we get this table all to ourselves?
Waiter: No, it’s communal dining. Communal.
Reagan: What is this place called again?

Amy’s gushing over how much she loves food and making fun of people, which means this date is already a success. Plus the sexual tension between these two is throbbing, truly.

But before they can make sweet eyeball love to each other, Shane and Duke show up. Hey, better than sharing the table with a bunch of strangers though amirite!?! Ladies?

Amy’s horrified to see a familiar face in her unfamiliar territory but not nearly as horrified as she is when Karma and Liam show up!

Reagan’s oozing with happiness and delight about finally getting to meet Amy’s friends.

Reagan: This is so fun! I was just telling Amy I wanted to meet her friends!
Karma: You were?
Reagan: She did the whole meet and greet with my friends, it seemed only fair. Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?
Karma: Oh, I’m Karma —
Reagan: Nice to meet you, Carmen!

Womp womp. AS IF. I WISH IT WAS CARMEN.

Karma’s clearly miffed that Amy’s not said a word about her to Reagan, and is giving her a death glare while everybody else is giving her a “seriously?” glare and Duke is probably thinking about protein shakes.

Then, just in case everybody wasn’t already feeling as awkward as a group hang can possibly feel, Lauren and Theo show up!

Lauren: You get an A for location, and an F for clientele.

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Cut to thirty seconds later, when Karma yanks Amy out of the communal meal party to have a little chat in the bathroom. Reagan gives Liam a “what the fuck?” look and Liam gives Reagan a “YUP” look, which is good practice because they’ll probably be spending the next six months to a year giving each other “seriously what’s up with our girlfriends” looks.

Karma’s livid that Reagan’s unaware of her existence, but Amy insists their relationship was just too complicated for words! You know, like how they’re best friends who do everything together and Amy used to be in love with Karma.

Karma: USED to be?
(Amy shrugs)
Karma: (unconvincingly) It’s great we’re getting past that.
Amy: I know, and it’s because of Reagan! I really like her and I didn’t want to scare her away.

Firstly: HALLELUJAH AMY ISN’T IN LOVE WITH KARMA ANYMORE!

Secondly: Karma and Amy maturely decide to “start over” and Karma tells Amy that she’s sure if Amy loves Reagan that she’ll love Reagan too. That’s sweet.

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Meanwhile at the communal love table, Reagan and Liam are trying to figure out where they recognize each other from. This means we’re only moments away from Reagan remembering that she was handing out olives on tiny pieces of bread at that party where Amy threw water on his face and said he’d slept with her best friend!

Liam: Do you go to Hester?
Reagan: No.. do you go to lesbian karaoke?
Liam: That’s a thing?
Reagan: It’s like regular karaoke except everybody sings P!nk.

In other news, Shane’s trying to convince Duke to come out to his open-minded accepting friends and Lauren’s quizzing Theo on his family’s medical history.

Reagan suddenly realizes where she knows Liam from — that engagement party! Liam’s eager to end that convo before it starts, a desire complicated by Amy and Karma’s sudden return to the table and by Amy’s mutual interest in stuffing that story into the gullet of a large bird and burying it underground where nobody will ever find it in a million trillion years.

Karma can’t stop telling Karmy stories and Reagan’s starting to feel really weird about not knowing this girl existed. Reagan puts a territorial arm around Amy, which I honestly love because I’m demented and codependent.

Reagan: It seems like you guys go pretty far back, I can’t believe you never mentioned her once, shrimp girl.
Amy: That’s my nickname, she calls me that because I love shrimp.
Karma: Yeah. I know that you love shrimp. And we do go back. Way way back. To kindergarten. If you thought that Sam Alamo story was good, you should hear about the time we dyed our hair with Kool-Aid!

Theo’s holding it down with Lauren, making shit up about his family history. For example, he says that he was left on a doorstep in a basket and is now the son of a preacher man. I love him.

When Duke refuses to acknowledge his gay feelings for Shane to the waiter — because waitstaff is where people usually like to begin the coming out process — Shane retaliates by flirting shamelessly with the waiter. Then Duke retaliates by flirting shamelessly with Lauren, which makes Theo jealous, so basically everybody is having a terrible time. I hope some of that food is Kraft dinner, I don’t know what else could redeem this evening.

Then Karma apologizes to Reagan for “hogging the mike” and asks how Amy and Reagan met. Um, doesn’t Karma think they met at the Underground Dance Party rave? I thought we’ve been through this.

Reagan: Well, Amy and I —
Amy: Uh, Karma, look — mushrooms!
Reagan: Lemme guess, you guys have a special thing about mushrooms.
Karma: Not exactly a special thing, it’s just that I hate mushrooms and Amy loves them.
Reagan: Why don’t you try some of this kale, Amy?
Karma: Oh no, Amy hates kale. Luckily, she has all of these mushrooms!
Reagan: It’s funny, Amy’s never mentioned mushrooms before, so how much could she really love them?
Karma: Trust me, Amy loves mushrooms. Kale could never compare.
Shane: Experiment with both!
Liam: I just think everyone should eat what’s in front of them and not share anything.
Theo: He’s right, everyone should leave other people’s dishes alone.
Lauren: There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind once you’ve already ordered.
Duke: You should all try the kale. It’s full of antioxidants.

These people are really beautiful tonight. All of them. I want to hold their faces in my palms and squeeze their faces and say YOU ARE ALL SO BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.

Anyhow, to settle this situation once and for all, Amy shovels some kale into her mouth, which makes Reagan very happy, but then she’s a little less happy when Amy starts choking and freaking out! Karma’s livid — the kale must have been cooked in peanut oil and Amy is deathly allergic! — and everybody is freaking out,  especially Reagan, but then Karma fixes it by stabbing Amy with an epi pen.

Reagan’s officially had exactly enough and gets up to leave. Amy wants to know where she’s going.

Reagan: Amy, yesterday I had no idea you had any friends at all but apparently you have this best friend Karm-AAAA who you share tons of history with and who carries your epi pen, so to answer your question, I’m leaving.

But before Reagan can leave, there’s still so much more damage to be done!

Amy: I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you —
Karma: There’s no need to get territorial. Amy can have a best friend.
Reagan: I’m territorial? I’m surprised you haven’t peed on her yet, you act more like a jealous ex than a best friend.
Lauren: Well, she kinda is.

(awkward pause)

Lauren: Did you not tell her?

Lauren: What I can not keep track of who knows what anymore.
Reagan: You two were a couple?
Amy: No! Sort of —
Karma: We were faking being lesbians to be popular.
Shane: Good save.
Reagan: You were a fake lesbian?
Amy: No, Karma was faking it, I — I um —
(pause)
Reagan: You’re in love with her. That’s it, I’m leaving.

Throughout all of this, the only person retaining any semblance of sanity has been, much to my misandrist chagrin, Liam Booker. Amy’s still in shock and Karma’s trying to fix everything by making Amy happy about donuts. Liam interrupts to tell Karma that she needs to slow her roll.

Liam: Karma, we get it, you know all of Amy’s favorite foods. But can’t you see she’s really into Reagan?

Liam implores Amy to chase her woman and save the day for love and romance! Amy valiantly rises to the occasion and heads out, but Karma wants to come too! Liam yanks Karma back to the table and begs her to give Amy space. Karma HATES SPACE. She runs out of the restaurant.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the table, the waiter gives Shane a free dessert, which inspires Duke to ask Lauren if she’d like to get the hell out of this place.

Theo: No way! I brought her here, I’m taking her home.
Duke: You know I’m a black belt in four martial arts, right?
Theo: I’m a black belt too. In ass-whooping.

This pleases Lauren’s peach and thus she throws her arms around Theo, thrilled to make sweet mouthlove to him forevermore.

What about Duke, Theo wants to know, but Lauren brushes it off, “Oh, he’s obviously gay and on a date with Shane.” Duke’s horrified to have his homosexuality out there on the table like all the kale and mushrooms, so he storms out. Theo and Lauren blissfully bust the pop stand, leaving a sad Liam and a sad Shane all alone at a large table for communal eating.

“Group hang, awesome,” says Liam, flashing a thumbs up to his pal cross-table.

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Firstly, this is Reagan’s vehicle:

So, Reagan’s about to get into her bomb hot lesbian truck when Amy catches up to her. Amy begs her to stay! Amy says she can explain! But Reagan’s not gonna chase somebody around who’s hard up for another lady.

Amy: I’m not in love with Karma anymore.
Reagan: Then why didn’t you tell me about her? and why did you freak out when I tried to tell her about us? I can’t do this if Karma’s gonna be lingering in the background.

Amy insists that Karma won’t always be lingering in the background, at which point Reagan points out that Karma is actually literally lingering in the background at this exact moment.

This is the first time in the history of their friendship that either of them have had a significant other, which’s hard enough for best friends to deal with, even without the Amy-liking-Karma-stuff. But Amy just needs Karma to butt out.

Amy: What are you doing here?
Karma: I just wanted to explain, look Reagan we’ve been best friends since —
Amy: Karma, I’ve got this!

Karma says she’s just trying to help and Amy’s like, welp, you are absolutely not helping, get out of my face! Karma, saddened, recedes.

Amy, not skipping a beat, turns to Reagan, apologizes, and explains:

Amy: My feelings for her are complicated, we have a past, but I want a future with you. But she’s right, she’s always gonna be a part of my life and you’ve gotta be okay with that if you’re gonna be my girlfr—

Reagan smiles – did she just say girlfriend? Amy gets embarrassed but Reagan saves the moment by accepting the offer of girlfriendhood, citing Amy’s willingness to die for her via Kale as a situation that Reagan would be rude to ignore. After double-checking that Reagan didn’t have any of the poison kale, the two girls begin kissing with tongue.

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Back at the Super Muscle Gym, Duke’s punching a punching bag with his man hands when Shane shows up for a screaming match! Shane can’t get down with closet cases and Duke can’t get down with coming out and Shane doesn’t think Duke should feel ashamed of his hot burning man-love.

Duke: Look, I’d love to kiss you in the middle of Times Square, but I can’t. It’s not about being ashamed. I’ve known I was gay since I was 11, but I’ve known I wanted to be a pro MMA fighter since I was in pre-school… I believe it’s what I was put on this earth to do and I’m so close I can taste it. I just have to land some sponsorships.

But Duke can’t promise that he’ll come out after securing sponsorships, either. He doesn’t want to lose Shane, but understands if it’s not gonna work.

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Meanwhile, Karma and Liam are sitting in Liam’s truck, thinking of days gone by, bluebirds and sunflowers. Karma feels stupid. Liam feels Over It.

Karma: I just wanted to help Amy move on.
Liam: Yeah, well maybe she’s not the one who needs to.

Liam doesn’t think Karma can handle the idea of Amy loving anybody else as much as she loves Karma, but Karma insists she just wants Amy to be happy, like she’s so so happy with Liam!!

I can’t figure out if Liam’s being a possessive jerk or not, and I’m rendered unable to accurately analyze the situation ’cause even though I’ve never shipped Karmy, I want it to be true that Karma has latent feelings for Amy. Regardless, Karma’s behavior is pretty textbook for a straight girl being forced to share her queer-best-friend-who-has-a-crush-on-her with an actual gay girlfriend. It’s all fun and games until you meet somebody else!

Liam: Are you sure about that? Because sometimes I wonder if I’m the one that you wanna be with.
Karma: What? Of course you are!
Liam: You let your parents think you’re still with Amy, I have to drop you off down the street. I mean I thought this was supposed to be a fresh start.
Karma: It was! It is!
Liam: Then why does it still feel like Amy is your girlfriend and I’m second best?
Karma: That isn’t fair.
Liam: Maybe not. But it’s true.

I actually don’t know why he feels that way — last week, it was Amy who’s plans got cancelled so Karma could hang out with Liam. But regardless — he opens the door for her and tells her “goodnight,” and drives away, leaving her all alone in the street wearing a weird shirt and crying. Awww poor Karma. Feelings are confusing!

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Well, that’s all for this week my friends! Next week, Karma’s gonna tell her parents that she’s straight and Amy’s gonna be in a beauty pageant!

http://youtu.be/9E9XcfWBPgk

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