So it took me an embarrassingly long time of really trying to like sex with men, while avoiding it and crushing on women – including several years of marriage – to realise that I’m utterly gay. But now I have, its like I fit in my own skin for the first time in my life. Yay for happy and excited…and for realising I hadn’t “internalised a male gaze”, I just really want to have relationships and sex with women.