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Having sex with an ex-partner definitely falls under the category of things you can absolutely do. We’re not here to shame consenting adults for doing what they want to, amongst themselves. However, it also falls under the category of things that you don’t have to do just because you can. We make jokes about not texting our exes for reasons, and many of those reasons are very good. After all, you broke up.Still, I would really love to hear from someone who’s never texted an ex. If you are a person of iron boundaries who’s never texted your ex, PLEASE DO tell me in the comments. I would love to hear from you! So, presuming that a number of us have, in fact, had sex with our exes, I asked the team to tell me about a time they had sex with an ex, or, if they never had, what their stance on the subject is. Is this an intentional state of being, the fact that they’ve never had sex with an ex, or are they open to sleeping with an ex in the future?
If you’ve ever visited our Into the A+ Advice Box column, you know that we’re very pro-breaking up if things aren’t working out. So, naturally, that means, we sure have some exes and we sure have a range of queer experiences on the subject. Maybe, this collection of answers will bring us somewhere closer to some kind of consensus. I won’t decide that for you, though. If you’ve ever slept with an ex, if you’ve stayed away from it like the plague, or if you land somewhere in between, we’d love to hear from you in the comments!
Xoxo,
Nicole
I agree with Kayla on this one! Once the breakup has happened, I’m done. Same goes for texting an ex…not something I’ve ever done unless you count responding to a text from an ex along the lines of “can I stop by to get this thing I left at your place”. I completely 100% understand the appeal of having sex with someone where you know each other’s bodies so well, but to me it would just not be worth the emotional mess and confusion. I also know my OWN body really well and can take care of myself rather than putting myself through the drama of an ex entanglement lol
I had sex with my worst ex because I’d recently been in a terrifying car crash and felt the need to ~remind myself I was alive~!! I do regret it!!!
such a great roundtable!
ex-sex: probably largely unwise. have i done it? yes. would i do things differently now? I sure hope so
I’ve never texted an ex for the purposes of hooking up, because like others by the time we broke up our sex life had already dwindled away to nothing. I have however remained emotionally entangled with exes for long periods of time, and even let one move back in with me, which I do not recommend.
5 serious/LTRs
+ 3 ex sexings
_______________
= 1 that was worth it
Queer math! The 1 that worked well was indeed the 1 that happened years later and was mostly just for fun and closure since we were each other’s First Loves.
I wish this was less timely for me 😬
bookmarking this to re-read for the next time I’m ovulating and hornily considering texting my ex!!! ty!!!!
OH MY GOSH. Love this!
I’ve never had sex with an official ex, just continued having sex in unclear unofficial situationships where we decided to stop having
(very bad, terrible, awkward) sex, multiple times. It was so weird because there was this sexual tension/attraction/flirting, but actually in practice it sucked, for some reason, probably also because it was emotionally unconcrete and I was the rebound after a break-up. I think what also played a role, maybe the main role, unfortunately, was that I had just started antidepressants and was unable to feel any physical sexual pleasure for months (it was horrible and I wasn’t used to having a dysfunctional libido so it was confusing and sad, luckily has been fixed by now but obviously it made sex difficult because as I was the rebound, it didn’t feel like a relationship or place in which to be vulnerable about my mental health and medication). The wildest time was, to me, when that person told me through tears that she was not in love with me and we shouldnt be having sex (which left me confused, because even though I was starting to fall in love with her and I told her that as part of open clear communication, to me it was very clear that she wasn’t in a place to start a new relationship, and I was totally okay with just being friends who have sex, or at least I told myself that so her tearful confession of not-being-in-love wasn’t necessary). After the tearful decision not to sleep with each other anymore, she sadly missed her train so we….absolutely had to sleep in my very small bed because I couldnt find a mattress?? and she initiated (very sad) sex again and asked me if I wanted to be with her, officially?? which totally contradicted her sort-of ‘break up speech’ from before, so I told her that her behaviour was confusing and we probably should not be together. The next morning, I also unexplicably took back my love confession, telling her that I “probably just felt like I was falling in love, but thinking about it more, that wasn’t really true”. I have no idea why I did that, was it to protect myself from her shenanigans, was it to make her feel less terrified about this whole thing, like she couldnt really hurt me anyway?? And the sex was so bad, I dont really know why we tried it? Long story short, now we’re just friends again and I am very happy with that and there’s no wish to go back.