Feature image by CSA images / Vetta Collection via Getty Images
It’s actually not infrequently that we receive an A+ Advice Box question about orgasms. They are a hot topic, a topic of contention and confusion, sometimes joy and sometimes anguish! Folks feel all kinds of obligations to have them, to “give” them, to be able to orgasm in certain ways. There is even the phrase “achieve orgasm” which is really giving a lot of undue pressure here. Who said we had to hand out trophies? Worse, there’s also the implication that we might not get a trophy. On the complete opposite end of the effort spectrum is “la petite mort.” Personally, I think that sounds like a nap. Anyway, words mean a lot! They can set expectations, but here, we’re all about taking those apart, taking deep breaths, and just letting ourselves be our beautiful queer selves, okay? As we at Autostraddle often say in one way or another in the sex advice we give — everyone’s experience is ultra personal and there really is not any one ‘right’ way to feel or go about having sex, with yourself or others — it’s about what works for you.
So, in pursuit of some kind of more holistic conversation on how queer people are relating to their orgasms, I asked the team to weigh in. How do they feel about their orgasms? Is there anything in particular that they enjoy (or don’t), anything they want to say about how they go about orgasming, or anything they want to share about orgasms in general? What we have now, for you, are a variety of highly individual answers to this prompt. Do you see yourself in any of these answers? Want to share your own thoughts and experiences? I hope you will in the comments! Thank you, always, for being a member. You’re both valid and also the best.
Xoxo,
Nicole
