Hello! Seven years ago today, Jenny died and Autostraddle got born. Much like I do to my mother every year, I forgot it was our birthday today until yesterday, but that hasn’t stopped us from putting together a somewhat ambitious plan for posts commemorating the occasion. Like this one, right here! This is a roundtable wherein many Autostraddle team members reflect on stuff they’ve written and talk about stuff they’ve yet to write. We are certain this will be fun for the whole damn family.

Birthdays are obviously ripe for reflection on where we’ve been and where we’re going.

Rachel celebrates Autostraddle’s 7th birthday

Regrets, We Have A Few

On posts we regret writing/publishing and those that led to negative repercussions we weren’t quite prepared for.

Heather Hogan, Here Since October 2014: The thing I regret the most is the totality of Skins work I did when I was writing for AfterEllen. It was absolutely not the fault of any of the editors at AfterEllen. I had only been writing professionally for about ten minutes when Skins came into my life, and I fell so in love with that show I could hardly see straight. Naomi and Emily consumed and transported me, and I had the freedom to write about them anyway I wanted. Some of my best writing ever were my season three and four Skins recaps on AfterEllen, but everything that happened after that was a disaster. The creators of the show, Bryan Elsely and Jamie Brittain, took a personal interest in my work, and of course they did! I spent hours and hours praising them for what they created. And along came U.S. Skins and Skins season five in the UK — and then, ultimately, Skins Fire.

Bryan invited me to New York for the U.S. Skins premiere party and a chance to interview him and the actors. There was going to be a lesbian storyline all of my readers would love, he promised. When I was in New York, I hung out with Bryan and the other members of the creative team, and they were so excited about the show, and so I got so excited about the show. I mean, it was the guy who created Naomily, right? And he was sitting across from me and looking me in the eyes and telling me how much he valued the queer community and wanted to honor us with another storyline we’d get as invested in. And I believed him. Like I said, I had no experience (showrunners have lied to my face about a hundred times since then), and I wanted it to be true so badly that U.S. Skins was going to be as authentic and endearing as UK Skins, and also I was just monumentally flattered by the attention.

The entire time U.S. Skins was on, I tried to find things to love about it, and tried to justify Bryan’s terrible, horrible, awful decision to basically make it an entire season of the main lesbian character fucking a dude. I even did this softball interview with him where I let him explain away his stupidity. I basically sold out the people who were trusting me to be their ambassador out of naivete and insecurity. I allowed myself to be thoroughly manipulated, and I hurt a lot of queer women when I did that, and some of them have (quite rightly) never forgiven me for it.

When Skins Fire came along, I didn’t believe a word of what Bryan Elsley told me, and when I took him and his daughter, who wrote Skins Fire, to task for their cruelty and gross arrogance, he fired off some of the rudest emails I have ever gotten in my entire life. And of course he did. Up until that point he had been a successful straight white guy who got exactly what he asked for, including the reviewer at one of the most influential queer websites to do his bidding for him. It makes me actually physically sick to think about it now.

(Here’s one thing I will never regret: It was on my trip to New York for the the premiere that I met Stacy, the love of my whole entire life.)

Kaelyn Rich, Here Since July 2014: I was unprepared for the number of people who feel deep, unbridled hate for palazzo pants. How can anyone hate palazzo pants?! I feel like these people have not tried on a pair of palazzo pants, preferably without underwear. It’s basically like walking around nude from the waist down without the thigh chub rub and without getting arrested for going to brunch pantless. I don’t understand.

Crystal, Here Since March 2009: Once upon a time I shared my experiences with drug addiction in an article, which I’m not going to link to because so many years later I still struggle with its existence. The article received plenty of support from the team and our amazing readers, but sadly it also attracted some super harsh and judgmental comments that really fucked me up during what was already a vulnerable time in my life. If I could turn back the clock I never would’ve written it. I wasn’t ready, and it wasn’t worth the hit to my mental health.

Mey, Here Since March 2013: I think the only thing I have some regrets about writing is “Legendary Boxing Manager and Promoter Kellie Maloney Comes Out as a Trans Woman.” I had never heard of her before, and when the comments started coming, people pointed out that her politics were far worse than I had realized. Even though I added an addendum, I still felt bad that I had glossed over that part of who she is.

Riese, Here Since March 2009: This whole exercise is going to be especially hard for me ’cause I’ve written over two thousand posts for this website, so there are like 20 potential answers for each question! I have so many regrets! SO MANY REGRETS! I’ll name just a few. This Pretty Little Liars recap once contained a picture of Shay Mitchell taken by a wealthy Los Angeles photographer who decided it’d be fun to try to sue me for $16,000 for copyright infringement, a process that dragged out for over a year and led to me crying a lot and eventually required lawyering up. Also, recently I included a statement on a sex survey listling that I thought was projecting intense misandry, but was interpreted by a ton of readers as projecting empowerment through heterosexual sex, and it was this whole thing and now the sentence is gone but it was a huge nightmare.

Laneia, Here Since March 2009: I hated writing How To Leave Your Husband (Because You’re a Lesbian) so much! I’ve unpublished it several times and Riese keeps putting it back up (and I totally don’t blame her, obviously!) (HI RIESE ILU). Exploding my family and moving us across the country and into an entirely different life was hands down the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. And I’m glad I did it! But damn, reliving it for this post was a nightmare. I’m so so glad it’s out there for other people in similar positions — so they can see they’re not crazy, or alone, or selfish! and that everything will eventually be ok! — but more than anything it just feels like exposing myself in a way I’m not comfortable with. There’ve been times when the piece was apparently shared with a large group of straight cis men and they’ve been atrocious in the comments, to the point that I had to ask Bren to go in and delete them for me because I couldn’t look at them myself. This was the post that prompted me to send all of my new comment notification emails directly to the trash, to save myself from inadvertently sliding down into a hole of self-hate and anxiety.

But! Probably the worst thing to come from publishing this post has to be when it was picked up — and picked apart — by The Other McCain. He’s landed on a few of our posts because he’s a pathetic man who’s obsessed with lesbians and his own insecurities, and I certainly don’t give a single fuck what he thinks or says about me because he’s an ignorant shit, but how fucking creepy is it to have your words quoted and twisted and responded to by a complete stranger who already hates you just for existing? It’s pretty creepy! But not nearly as creepy as some of his readers being unconvinced that my piece was truthful, and then stalking me and finding my family’s names and locations — from tracking down my grandfather’s obituary, no less — in an effort to disprove my lived experiences. I feel sick just typing this! Wheeee! I hate straight men so much!

Erin Sullivan, Here Since December 2015: If there is anything I regret about my ‘How To Cure Your Consumption By Laying In A Ditch And Other Home Remedies‘ piece it’s that my neighbors that I see and interact with on a daily basis definitely saw me taking pictures outside my home doing things like digging a hole as if I were an animal and then laying down with my face in that hole for a solid 15 minutes. Also my parents read what I write on here and they’re constantly worried about my well-being, so that a new job involves me purposely getting drunk so I can test a hangover remedy is probably troubling to them.

Heather: The other thing I regret is not holding Pretty Little Liars‘ writers accountable when they killed Maya during the second season. To me, at the time, it made sense, because everyone dies on that show, but I think by excusing the death of a black bisexual women, I set up an expectation that I was going to give them a free pass on exploiting queer tropes. They killed Shana, another black queer woman. They made Charlotte an evil trans villain, and then murdered her too. I don’t take responsibility for those things, the way I do with what happened on Skins, but when I look back on it, I think being tougher on them in the beginning could have forced them to grapple with the real world ramifications of the stories they’re writing.

Laura Mandanas, Here Since July 2013: I feel like every time I try to write about fashion, it goes horribly awry! Neon Moon’s Lingerie Campaign Fights Body Shaming and Transphobia was perhaps the worst. What’s especially frustrating is that I read through the company’s blog and *knew* something was slightly off based on the verbiage the founder gravitated towards… but I didn’t see any statements that were outright incriminating, so I went ahead. And then as soon as the post went up, a million problems with the company were immediately pointed out. I wish I’d never written it. The underwear isn’t even that cute.

Maddie, Here Since November 2013: About a year ago, I found myself simultaneously in the role of telling someone they were going to be held accountable for what they’d said, and in the role of the person being held accountable for something I had written for another publication. Embodying both of those locations simultaneously was really challenging and it fueled a lot of anxiety and anguish. Ultimately, I don’t know that I’d say it had long-term negative consequences. The anxiety sucked a lot. But it also made me think really hard about what I was trying to accomplish with my writing, and it led me to reframe how I wanted to be interacting with people online. I think that experience made me more mindful of my intentions when I write now, and I think that makes my words more deliberate and meaningful.

Carmen, Here Since February 2011: I think I got a little too drunk during the A+ Staycation Livestream, does that count? I didn’t write it, but I lived it. I’m very glad that post and video are locked away from the rest of the ‘net. For the most part, though, I regret nothing. I sometimes have a lot of anxiety about what I publish — but the Internet moves so fast that I just have to console myself for, like, a day until it goes away seemingly forever, so.

Aja, Here Since 2010: No regrets, though I had such high hopes for the Beauty Thief series! It was just such a pain in the ass from a logistical standpoint. I still love the idea and they’ll go up whenever they happen organically and are enjoyable to write.

Laneia Celebrates Autostraddle’s 7th Birthday

Pride In the Name of Love

On the posts we’re the most proud of.

Heather: Honestly, for the first time in my life, nearly everything I post is something I’m proud of, which is not a luxury many writers have these days. So many websites we once knew and loved are serving half-baked content most of the time, or stealing other people’s content, or selling their souls for clicks. I’m most proud of the personal essays I’ve published on Autostraddle (all of which have been made infinitely better by the editing of our senior staff), the Fox News brainswashing article that I won a Plain English Campaign Award for, 50 Shades of Grey Cats, my Carol review, last year’s PLL finale recap. And I think I’ve done some really solid, thoughtful critical writing about TV. Also, I’m really proud of the interviews I did with Mary Lambert and Jasika Nicole, because I had the freedom to have a soulful, organic conversation with them, and no one was pressuring me for traffic-baiting quotes. I am very aware that the reason I get to write so many things I’m proud of us because A+ members give us the freedom to stay stuck in the traffic-grabbing cycle other sites are caught in, and because my bosses give me freedom, support, and encouragement like I’ve never experienced.

Rachel, Team Member since September 2009: “Who Is It That Afflicts You?“, my Salem post, because I feel like it’s my best and most accomplished writing as far as being lyrical and honest but also being about issues and ideas that are important to me. I think it’s about something that matters to other people but also draws on stuff that’s personal to me, if that makes sense, and I’m proud of being able to do that in writing. I think if I read it elsewhere by another author I would think “this is good!” and share it with other people and say this is good, you should read this, so that is a neat feeling to have.

Kaelyn: I hosted a Friday Open Thread three months ago with the theme of “Dear 15-Year-Old Me,” writing loving and caring letters to our 15-year-old selves. I wondered if anyone would even want to participate in this topic choice, since it was so personal. The response was beautiful and overwhelming. I can’t believe hundreds of you amazing people, including several first-time commenters, publicly shared moving, poignant notes to your younger selves. It was sad and inspiring and empowering all at once. I’ve never been and I don’t think I’ll ever be more proud of hosting a Friday Open Thread forum again. Honestly, I feel like we changed lives that day, because of y’all. It was like a less-patronizing “It Gets Better” campaign in one epic comment thread.

Crystal: Back when I was Autostraddle’s music editor, I wrote a letter to Laneia about the time I met Tegan and Sara. I’m proud of that post because it’s a little weird and dry-funny, and usually my insecurities get in the way of publishing pieces like that because I worry that everyone’ll think it’s dumb. The same could be said about my Top 10 Lesbian Romance Novels series.

Carolyn, Here Since October 2010: It’s not exactly a post, but I’m really proud of the Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey! No one recently has ever collected data like we did, and even though it’s ahem taking ages to go through it’s a really neat, detailed look at the lives of queer women/humans.

Mey: Definitely my interview with Miss Major about Stonewall, How Dare They Do This Again: Stonewall Veteran Miss Major on the “Stonewall” Movie. She’s a legend, she’s a all-time hero, and I got to talk to her about a monumental moment in history! I felt so lucky to be a part of Autostraddle when that post went up. Also, my article Real-Life Sophia Bursets: Transgender Women Face a Nightmare in Men’s Prisons because not only was it about an important topic, but Laverne Cox talked about it on Melissa Harris-Perry’s show and brought an even bigger spotlight to the issue. I’m also proud of my articles about queer representation in all-ages media. Few things make me happier than seeing happy queer and trans youth, so my articles Top 11 Times This Year Pop Culture Reminded Us Kids Are Queer and Trans Too, In Lumberjanes Issue #17, Jo Comes Out As Trans and It’s So Awesome and Steven Universe” and the Importance of All-Ages Queer Representation have really meant a lot to me. I’m also proud of “The Complete History of Transgender Characters in American Comic Books” (even though it already needs a big update) because I had pretty much been constantly looking for a resource like that and so to know that I made it is pretty cool. Finally, I want to talk about “Drawn to Comics’ One-Year Anniversary Presents The First Annual Autostraddle Comic and Sequential Art Awards.” Ever since I was a little kid I’ve been obsessed with award shows and I used to make up my own. So now that I get to be in charge of a real, legit award, I feel like I’ve really reached my full potential.

Audrey, Here Since January 2014: I’m really proud of “The Vagaries of Love: How Poetry and Queer Movements Give Each Other Names” and “We’ve Always Been Here: Honoring Bisexual History, Imagining Bisexual Futures” because I was able to blend essay and reported writing in a way that really challenged me but paid off in the end.

Laneia: I’m most proud of It’s More Fun When We’re Co-Conspirators because it was in the works for a couple of years and I didn’t know how much I needed to write it and share it with everyone else until I did. It was really well-received and was one of the few personal pieces that didn’t gut me while I was writing it. It was actually a blast to slide back into those memories and sort them out and put them to rest in a pretty little package.

Riese: The essay about my Dead Dad, Before You Know It, Something’s Over, is the only thing I’ve ever written. Not literally, but in some other dimension it is the only thing I have ever written. Plus, Cheryl Strayed liked it, and I got so many e-mails from people who were touched by it, which meant a lot to me. I’m proud of the “essay” — or stream of consciousness, really — about my sexual orientation because I’ve heard from SO many people that it helped them accept their own journeys and that is all I have ever wanted to do with my life is make people feel better about themselves. Listen I’m proud of so many of my posts I don’t even know where to begin, is the honest truth. Advice posts are especially rewarding. I feel good about a post when people quote me a lot on facebook or tumblr THERE I SAID IT.

Erin Sullivan: My ‘What if ‘The Bachelor’ is the Illuminati’s Most Vocal Mouthpiece: A Visual Guide‘ feels like a culmination of my life’s questionable choices coming together and producing something of value, IF EVEN JUST FOR ME. Also I’m just glad the truth is finally out there.

Laura Mandanas: Periodically, people still comment on You Need Help: Coming Out In Your Mid/Late 20s and leave these amazing, heartfelt notes of support for each other and appreciation for the article. It’s overwhelming to think about how many people those words have resonated with.

Maddie: I am most proud of This is a Dead Mom Essay, because it was really hard to write, but it was entirely worth it. That essay went through a lot of drafts, and was read by a lot of people before it made its way to the internet, and it was hard to open such a raw part of me to edits and feedback. But I’m glad I was vulnerable with my beloved editors and I’m proud of how it turned out. I loved hearing how many people connected with it, and I’m most most most proud that I got to read from the zine I made about my mom which included an excerpt from it, at the staff reading at A-Camp. I never in a million years would have imagined I could share the most important piece of my life out loud in front of so many people, and feel heard and seen by them.

Carmen: I’m proud of so many things I’ve written for so many different reasons! My Broke As F*ck articles ended up becoming spaces I’ve rarely found anything like online: there were supportive comments, unloading and sharing, and an excellent lack of judgement. I’m also honored to say that I went viral when I wrote about Nicki Minaj’s butt and Lady Gaga’s burqa, interviewed Eileen Myles and The Coquette when I was barely a real grown-up yet, and hosted a brunch meet-up so successful it merited its own post.

Aja: Hard Lacquer is an important space for femmes and beauty enthusiasts, and I’m honored to be able to provide it. I love that it’s as fun as it is in-depth, too! Posts like Queer Your Tech Company: Face-Palming Over Apple’s Diversity or Show Up, White America: The Opposite Of Support Is Silence show a different side of my brain (and heart, really). I’m always proud of anything that encourages people to be better, to speak up, to keep fighting and sinking our teeth into our differences.

Crystal celebrates Autostraddle’s 7th Birthday

Fear Factor

Which of your posts was the scariest to publish?

Carmen: You Don’t Have To Come Out On Thanksgiving: On Going Home and Being Quiet was hard to publish because I love my family, flaws and fucked-up conversations and all, and imagining them coming across it not only scared me but plagued me with Catholic guilt like all hell. Also, I was very worried people would judge me for publishing the Black Friday playlist because I mean, it’s a celebratory Black Friday post. And guess what? YOU DIDN’T I LOVE YOU ALL.

Maddie: Some of the scariest things to post have been the ones where I’ve done original reporting and interviewed people and profiled different organizing efforts and groups. Being a staff writer for Autostraddle means I have the freedom to explore the stories I’m most passionate about, and so usually I am reporting on people and organizing efforts that I really care about and respect, and so I don’t ever want to fuck it up! I want people to know they can trust me and trust Autostraddle to share their stories and lift up the voices and experiences of people and groups who aren’t often centered in mainstream media.

Laura Mandanas: I’m always nervous writing about topics relating to my day job! How Can We Advocate For Women Workers in Global Manufacturing? was particularly nervewracking because I knew a coworker had recently started to follow my byline.

Riese: I’m always scared when I come out swinging against somebody — not just online, in my actual life. I’m so conscious of my own failures as a human that I fear opening a conflict will just open a wound for somebody else to pour a ton of salt into. Also I’m like, are they really against us? Am I just being paranoid or reactionary? So it took a lot of Xanax to publish The L Word Franchise: All I Wanna Say is That They Don’t Really Care About Us (Anymore). It was also terrifying to publish Introducing Camp Autostraddle. I was so afraid nobody would sign up I could barely breathe!

Erin Sullivan: The scariest post to actually publish was my ‘The Impossible Math Of Gay Soulmates” where like a monster I proudly announced I don’t believe in soulmates, this thing that is a major thread in the fabric of our society and by extension a validation of a lot of people’s relationships, which could understandably be upsetting. But what ended up happening was this overwhelming acceptance that there might be alternate ways to approach love. Also one person said they’d been struggling with this soulmate FOMO that was affecting their dating life and that the article helped them recalibrate, which was unexpected but sweet

Laneia: “When I Knew I Was Gay” was the first time I told the internet about my kids! Again, it’s kind of hard to talk about now, but it went up the day I went to court to secure primary custody of them. That was horrifying enough, but then I was also shattering this persona I’d created because I didn’t know how else to be online. It all worked out, though! So, so many supportive comments and emails. I read them through a flood of tears in my hotel room that afternoon.

Aja: There’s a very, very naked sort of late bloomer, “coming of age” as a femme piece I wrote awhile ago that’s still percolating in draftland, and it’s scary because when you’re an idiot know-nothing baby dyke in your early 20s, what you felt and thought and did then is so obviously divorced from being a 35-year-old that I’d almost rather not talk about it, but I’m also distantly aware that that’s why I must talk about it, probably, at some point.

Audrey: My essay “For All The Girls I Loved Before I Knew I Could” was basically how I came out as bisexual to everyone I knew. I had been out to close friends and my parents for about a year at that point but publishing this totally ripped the closet door of its hinges. The reception was amazing and it’s still probably my favorite thing I’ve ever written — but damned if I didn’t feel like my lungs were gonna bust out of my chest when I first saw it online.

Mey: Definitely my first Autostraddle Plus essay about my name, “Say My Name, Mey’s My Name.” That was hard to write. Especially before I was able to legally change my name I was really worried about putting my birth name out there like that. In the essay I talk about how names have power and magic to them, and I definitely felt that as I wrote those words and I was definitely afraid of what power I might give to my name by publishing it.

Stef, Team Member Since March 2009: Either Coming Out As An Amorphous Weirdo or A Million Red Flags: My Polyamory Failure, both because it’s really scary for me to open up about personal things. Mostly I write about what Kristen Stewart ate for lunch or whatever, which is a very effective defense mechanism. Both of those stories took months to write, largely because I was terrified of being vulnerable on the internet and was afraid people would invalidate my experiences – like I was doing bisexuality wrong, or doing relationships wrong, or just doing life wrong in general. I was really surprised when in both cases, the feedback was largely really positive. They were both really unconventional experiences, I think, so it was really amazing to have them received and to hear from people who’d gone through similar things.

Carolyn: The first NSFW that was under my name and not the anon-for-everyone account was secretly terrifying because even though I’d been talking about sex on the internet for a while with no consequences I kept expecting consequences to appear. (They still haven’t.)

Crystal: Two personal essays come to mind: The Cheesecake Diaries, and The Secret Diary of a Turkey-fister. I’ve always been a massive scaredy-cat when it comes to opening up about my life experiences, not just on the internet but in-person as well. So I was terrified to publish these two pieces that would be quite revealing to not just strangers but also some of my closest friends. The only way I could work up the guts to share those stories was to cloak them in silly themes and titles.

Kaelyn: How We Survived Lesbian Bed Death was kind of terrifying for me to write and share, which is why it was for A+ only. Writing and talking about sex is fine. I was a sexuality educator for five years and I worked at Planned Parenthood for five years before that. However, writing about my own sex life is more scary. I have a day job where I ‘m very visible in my local community and I have to meet with elected officials and lawyers and media and other such fancy people. I have family who are much less comfortable with sex than I am, especially when we get into talking about kinky stuff. I write explicitly about sex in my poetry and creative writing, which I’ll perform at an open mic, but I’ve never actually published anything from my creative portfolio. So to put it all out there, from graphic depictions of my sex life to the challenged in my long-term relationship, felt really vulnerable. I’m glad I did, though. I’m really proud of that piece and I’ve received so much positive feedback from readers both online and offline. I’m really proud of it.

Heather: Every personal essay I publish is terrifying, but the ones that mention my mom, specifically, always paralyze me with fear. My mom has Narcissistic (or Borderline) Personality Disorder and is an addict, and after a lifetime of abuse and manipulation, I finally cut her off when I was around 30. I don’t see her or talk to her. This year, though, she tracked me down to Autostraddle and left a terrible message accusing me of being a liar and talking about how *I* was the one who was responsible for the hurt and abuse in our relationship. She followed that up with some really terrible (and delusional) private correspondence. I ultimately ended up having to change my phone number. So any time I write about my mom, it’s scary. It’s like summoning her to abuse me for exposing her abuse.

Rachel: The essay about how weird my dad is, for sure. Even though he is terrible at the internet and I think only knows how to check his email and Yahoo’s homepage, and even though it was behind a paywall and wasn’t easily searchable anyway, I was convinced he would find it and figure out how to see it and then confront me about it and the world would end, basically. I spent like three days convinced he had read it and just hadn’t told me because he was never speaking to me again. This was not the case and has not, to date, happened.

Heather and Mey celebrate Autostraddle’s 7th birthday in the future

Broken Dreams

About the pieces we thought about a lot and maybe started working on and maybe actually wrote the entirety of but never published. 

Heather: My main dream is to hold a roundtable with the showrunners who have created the most exciting and beloved queer characters, and talk about all the specifics about how those characters came to be. From pitching to writing to fan reception to casting to acting to pushback. All of it. Unfortunately, my anchor for that piece was going to be Marlene King, and I think I may have forever severed my relationship with her and PLL in general for holding them accountable for Charlotte and Ezra.

Rachel: I wrote something a couple years ago about really idolizing male action movie stars as a kid and how that tied into having a less-than-great real-life dad, but I wasn’t really happy with it and it felt, I don’t know, forced and trite. It was during a period when I was trying to write shorter-form lyric essays and I don’t think it was a good format for that piece (especially not now that we’re all solidly in the age of #longreads). I still think there’s something there and I’d be interested in the premise if someone else described an essay they were writing like that, but I think I need like at least a year-long break before writing more about my fucked up dad stuff so we’ll see if I feel like revisiting it sometime after that!

KaeLyn: I got really into this idea of tracking down and finding queer quidditch players after a discussion with my day-job intern about how inclusive and rad the professional quidditch scene is and how many queer and trans women play. I was prepared for serious investigative journalism. After reaching out to various quidditch forums and college quidditch teams from all over, I came up empty-handed. It’s still on my to-do list, in case I ever meet a queer quidditch player who can open this door for me. Do you happen to know any?

Crystal: For about six months now I’ve been starting and then re-starting an essay that’s largely about starting over and breaking my best friend’s heart. It’s never grown beyond a couple of paragraphs that live in google docs for a day and get deleted by night, so I’m not sure it’s gonna happen. That’s a bummer because it’s a story that I need to tell for myself and with it weighing on my mind I’ve been totally incapable of writing anything else. RIP my writing career, I guess. In my drafts folder there’s also an outline of an article about things I find to be a little funny/weird/ridiculous as a new immigrant to America, but I haven’t been able to make any real progress due to the aforementioned epic writing block. Also I’m a little worried about offending Americans, tbh.

Mey: After we had the piece featuring a bunch of cute QPOC couples (22 Badass QTPOC Couples That Make Our Hearts Flutter), I tried to make a similar list of couples with two women where at least one was a trans woman. Unfortunately, these couples were extremely hard to find. There were 22 couples in that first post, and this trans post would’ve had less than half that number. I still think it would be cool to do this piece, but I’d like it to have a respectable number of couples on it.

Laneia: THIGHS, you guys. THIGHS. I have this dream for an online zine called THIGHS, and it’s a celebration of misandry. I have SO MANY GREAT IDEAS FOR IT. I just haven’t been able to actually do it! It keeps me awake at night! And now I’m worried one of y’all is going to steal my idea and make your own THIGHS. Don’t do that! I already have the cover art and everything. I’m serious don’t fucking steal my idea.

Riese: That collage I made for THIGHS that still hasn’t gone up! No but HOLY SHIT I have literally 52 unfinished drafts in wordpress, which doesn’t even count all the TextEdit documents and Google docs. Obviously writing about Emily Gould’s book in 2010 somehow turned into a tailspin and a mental breakdown with no essay to come out of it, and I wrote so many amazing essays following my breakup two summers ago that never saw the light of day ’cause I felt tormented by how my ex might react to it or how people who know us both would react to it, and felt that pressure was impacting what I could reveal or say, which made it fundamentally dishonest as a piece of writing ’cause I couldn’t just speak from the heart. A quick survey of the highlights of my own personal drafts folder, topics include: The Well of Loneliness, doing your own nails, living with your ex, queer/feminist bra history, times I kissed a girl before realizing I was gay, top five last first dates with men, “hey men why do you have to suck so much” (it was about Woody Allen, I think), Sporty Spice Bras, Indie Websites for Women, illegal drugs, the Indigo Girls, lesbian power couples, hyperhidrosis, the Little Critter book series, my trip to Nashville…

Erin: An essay that’s taking me so long to nail down is about the authenticity of ‘no’ as femme in queer spaces and how that extends into straight spaces. Wanting to acknowledge your truth without speaking for an entire group can be delicate. I’m getting there! (Y’all are are like, “Cool because it’s due soon!” lol)

Laura Mandanas: One time Lifehacker wrote this racist advice piece about how white people could unlock secret menu items by bringing “ethnic” friends with them to restaurants. I rage-wrote a response called “Ethnic Friends Are Not Your Secret Decoder Ring” and handed the draft over to the senior eds, but the article didn’t make it through the editing process. My thoughts on the topic were not nuanced at all, and I didn’t quite have the vocabulary or patience to bring it to the next level then. If only the Speakeasy had been around!

Carmen: I have claimed some advice pieces and never written them because I am an egomaniac who experiences imposter syndrome so much when she’s writing an advice post that sometimes she wants to explode. Like, y’all. You know I drive around with no destination crying to the Red Hot Chili Peppers a lot, right?

Aja: We always have 84,000 fantastic ideas for pieces that never see the light of day in the Speakeasy, for myriad reasons. I wish there were more of us with more resources and more time and more money! Not doing more work there literally keeps me up at night. Just in general, every single thing I write takes so, so much longer I expect or project. It almost makes me wish I weren’t so thorough, or that I could stand over a Buzzfeed farm with a stopwatch to see how quickly mediocrity moves.

Maddie: I want to create a mini-series where I interview queer people with one of their close family members. Based on my own experience with my dad and grandparents, I know that coming out as queer has involved a lot more conversations past the first time I told them, “I’m gay.” I’m really interested in how being queer affects our relationships with our families in positive and negative and neutral ways, and so I think it would be fascinating to interview lots of different people about it. But it is SO COMPLICATED to sort out the logistics of three-way interviews across generations: from time zones, to scheduling issues, to varying degrees of technological capabilities, to making sure everyone is on the same page and comfortable with the conversation. I’m not ready to say this is never going to happen, but I’m disappointed it’s proved itself to be so challenging, because I think it could be SO NEAT to hear from different people and different family members.

Stef celebrating Autostraddle’s 7th birthday

I Love The Future

About the posts we can’t wait to show you.

Heather: I’m getting ready to start a new illustrated series called How to Be a Good Girlfriend that tackles stuff like fighting and sex and doing the dishes and bonding over The Great British Bake Off. I think it’s going to be really fun and informative, and it’ll give me a chance to write about my domestic life, which I don’t do very much. I’m actually very good at being a housewife.

Aja: There’s a very special YNH-themed Speakeasy post going up later this month, and that’s exciting because QPOC readers need and deserve support for the special brand of bullshit they endure day in and day out; these aren’t minor transgressions like getting cut off during your commute or having a manspreader plunk down next to you on the bus, they’re almost always about how to maintain vital, in some cases non-negotiable relationships and still maintain dignity, safety, well-being, peace of mind.

It’s hard, really hard, often heartbreaking shit, and I want us to be able to have those conversations and provide as much support as possible. It’s crucial.

Rachel: I’m working on an essay about perfectionism and being a workaholic (workaholism?) and how embracing failure made my life a million times better, and I hope it will be good when and if I someday find time to sit down and finish it!

Maddie: I’m trying to figure out how to piece together various vignettes I’ve wrote over the past few years to create an essay that explores the isolation I felt while coming out in a high school environment where the only other queer people who were coming out were doing so because they were in relationships with people of the same gender. And I’m going to have to talk about how my mother’s illness and death intertwined with all the babyqueer feelings. I have no idea when this is going to materialize as a finished thing, but I’m really excited about it because it’s going to be interesting to read and it feels like something really kind I can do for my younger self.

KaeLyn: I’ve been sitting on a three-part mini-series about my primary job as a community organizer, how to become one, what the fuck we even do, how to build a grassroots campaign, etc etc. I’m still working on it, but I can’t wait to share it with you and hopefully connect with other badass queer community organizers and future badass organizers!

Carolyn: I’m working on something about squirting! That’s it right now, just “something about squirting,” but I have high hopes for it. I’m also going through more sex survey data to look at queer women/humans and BDSM and what conclusions can be drawn about the role kink has in relationship and sexual satisfaction.

Mey: I’m almost finished with a piece exploring the real-life history behind the German gender and sexuality institute that inspired the flashback scenes in the latest season of Transparent.

Audrey: I’m working on a guide to genderhacking spring fashion with limited dollars and I’m so excited because I just want everyone to live their best flower power dad life with me

Riese: I’m working on an essay about Berlin, even though I’ve never been there. JUST KIDDING. I started doing intense research for my lesbian true crime series last weekend, and I am stoked as hell for its debut.

Erin Sullivan: One that hasn’t been published but to be fair isn’t totally finished is a piece about a woman who’s headstone I came across in an old cemetery in Savannah, GA that simply read, “She did what she could.”

Laura Mandanas: I’m writing something on how to charge electronic devices with male tears. Bam.

Kaelyn celebrates Autostraddle’s 7th birthday

On What It’s Like To Work Here

Thank you for making it possible.

Rachel: It sounds corny but I tell Autostraddle things I would never tell anyone or anywhere else. Even if I wrote about the same topic for somewhere else, it would never be as honest or nuanced or real as what I would write here, because I know and love you and I trust you all.

Carolyn: Autostraddle is family.

KaeLyn: My other paid writing jobs have been SEO focused and really, really awful. So yeah, I’m glad Autostraddle isn’t obsessed with clickbait and that the editors prioritize fostering a caring online community over a mind-numbing content-generating robot machine. All my other writing work has been for free, so, uh, I’m glad Autostraddle is able to pay their writers! We appreciate that!

Erin: Autostraddle had this sense of community and engagement that is truly unmatched. Whether readers know the extent of it, it’s so exciting and encouraging to the writers here.

Maddie: Autostraddle has come to feel like a home and a safe haven. Everywhere else is work.

Carmen: Autostraddle is just an incredibly fun place to work. I have quite literally fallen in love with and become BFFs with people through working at this site, and I believe myself #blessed to have been accepted into such a wonderful community of writers and other weirdos. That being said, the number one reason working for Autostraddle is both different and *better* than working elsewhere are the occasional appearances by Brittani Nichols in your life.

Stef: I have a strange relationship with Autostraddle because I’ve been here since the very beginning, and I’ve shifted roles quite a bit over time. I’ve seen a lot of changes ever since the summer of 2008, when Riese first sat me down at an absurdly un-air conditioned coffee shop and told me about her Great Idea. I’ve done some freelance music writing here and there, but for the most part if I’m writing on the internet, I’m doing it here. Still, it’s been really fascinating watching people come and go over the last seven years, because new people learn pretty quickly that this is a very unique environment. This isn’t just a job for any of us. We all genuinely like each other, we’re all actually friends, and you’d be hard pressed to find a more supportive group of humans. It’s something I’ve become very proud of, and the community surrounding it is incredibly special.

Aja: “You Do You” isn’t just a mantra, it’s a mission statement. That’s pretty cool.

Mey: Honestly, I think the editors at Autostraddle are the easiest and best to work with of anywhere I’ve written for. They’re super talented and really supportive and I feel much more comfortable working with them. I feel like they know how to get the best out of my writing and know how to push me and support me in the best ways. Also, I really like the way Autostraddle supports trans women of color. A lot of sites claim they do that but then don’t actually pay twoc to write for them, even on days like Trans Day of Remembrance, but Autostraddle does and makes an effort to do it more and more.

Audrey: Every time I pitch and write a new piece for Autostraddle, I think about what my community needs. How can I craft together my ideas, my reporting, my absurd anecdotes and my heartfelt confessions to reach other queer folks that need to hear them? Everything I do here is about y’all.

Laneia: Oh wow, having Riese as a personal editor and boss has just changed everything for me, so this is hard to answer in a small way! Riese has always pushed me to dig deeper and show more of the truth. She’s helped me understand what I’m good at, and how to break rules, and to not be afraid when something looks impossible or scary. I mean, I’ve learned to trust myself because she trusted me first. I’m crying! Stop asking me these questions!

Laura Mandanas: I love that the Autostraddle editors actively encourage me to be more weird, not less.

Heather: I got my start with AfterEllen in 2008, and early on I got to work for Sarah Warn and Malinda Lo, two people I really admired and shared an ethos with. After they left, the chasm between my core beliefs and the core beliefs of the website just kept growing and growing. I had a enormous loyalty to that site because it helped me accept my sexuality and helped me have the courage to come out, but it sort of became unrecognizable to me. When Riese hired me to come work for Autostraddle, it was like a Lego block clicking into place in my soul. The world is dark and unyielding and to get to work alongside these women who never tire of finding new ways to summon light, it never stops amazing me. And holy smokes, they’re so smart. Sometimes it’s silly the way we chat in our Senior Eds channel on Slack, but sometimes it is the most intellectually stimulating and challenging discourse I’ve ever participated in. I feel at home here the way I imagine my rehabilitated feral kittens feel at home in my house. They were terrified out in the world, and hungry and thirsty and always always always just trying to survive another day. Now they’re bundled up in a blanket fort I built for them on my bed, deeply cared for. Treasured even.

Riese: I feel weird talking about what’s great about working here since I am the boss of “here”? So instead I will talk about being a boss, I think: I remember in the spring of 2009, right after launching Autostraddle, there were some days I was able to just do Auto and copywriting, and then there were 2-3 days a week I had to go to a job in midtown. I noticed my attitude towards the job (it was a sex work thing) was changing really fast, ’cause the feeling of getting out of bed to go there was SO different than the mornings I woke up knowing I had a chunk of hours ahead of me that I could dedicate to Autostraddle. So there was a morning I woke up, remembered I had to go to work, and felt depressed, and then there was the next day, when I woke up, remembered that it was an Autostraddle day, and felt amazing. A whole day to build a thing straight out of my heart! I promised myself to never take that feeling for granted, and to never forget how different I felt on the days I got up to work for somebody else. Every time I feel like quitting, I remember that promise I made to myself, to treasure this treasure. Also, the people are pretty cool.

Riese celebrates Autostraddle’s 7th birthday with a “6” candle

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