Welcome to the third of four fantastic recaps of our experience at A-Camp 3.0, which took place 2.5 hours outside of Los Angeles at Alpine Meadows Camp atop a mountain in Angelus Oaks, California, from May 23rd-27th, 2013. These recamps serve to ease our collective separation anxiety, enable us to wax nostalgic over times gone by and provide prospective campers with a brilliant glimpse into the A-Camp Experience.
A-Camp was the genesis of an idea Riese had at 3AM in July 2010: the concept was to take the spirit of the website into three glorious dimensions and create an affordable vacation for queers for whom other lesbian-marketed vacations aren’t a perfect fit. In April 2012, we did it for the first time— along with 160 campers and 35 staff members, we rented out a summer camp in its off-season and enjoyed a transformative weekend of fun, friendship, panels, workshops, classes, sports, entertainment, events and so forth. It was probably the most awesome experience of our life and we knew from there it would only get bigger and better — and it did, in September 2012!
Which brings us to May 2013, when our largest-ever group of campers arrived on the mountain, and were greeted by dedicated counselors and treated to four days of kickass programming. Swagger 101! Comedy Improv! Yoga! DIY Body Scrubs! Hop-Hop Dance! Kink Panel! Know Your Whiskey Tasting! Recess Games! Drag King Workshop! Femme Luncheon! Lilith Fair! Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard! Deanne Smith! Somer Bingham! The cast of Unicorn Plan-It! Calendar Girls! Team Autostraddle! Most importantly: EACH OTHER! And So. Much. More.
In the past, these recamps have been exhaustive recollections of every minute of A-Camp, but this time we’re tightening it up a bit. See, A-Camp is whatever you want it to be — and it’s something different for everybody. You all have your own stories in your hearts and brains and cameras and in the notebook paper pieces in your back pockets and this is our story of what goes on behind-the-scenes and also in the front of our brains to make this whole she-bang come together with relative grace. Are you ready? I don’t think you’re ready. (Also, we miss you!)
Saturday, May 25th: Day Three
(photo by aki)
Early Morning: Sunrise Eagle Cafe // Early Bird Yoga (Devyn)
Block A: Zine-Making (Riese, Laneia & Rachel) // Pure Poetry Challenge (Carmen & Whitney) // Kickass Heroines in Popular Sci-Fi/Fantasy (Julia, Vanessa, Geneva, Mey) // Music Trivia (Crystal, Stef & Somer) // Handy Jobs (Marni) // Mentoring Sessions (Cee, Meredydd, Jess R, Robin, Carly)
Block B: Basketball & Recess Games (Brittani & Carrie) // Heart of (Google) Glass (Taylor) // Real Talk: Your Relationship Doesn’t Have to Suck (Sarah Evan, Gabby, Riese, Laneia, Somer, Daniela) // Sexual Health Q&A With (Almost) Dr. Lizz (Liz) // Into the WordPress (Cee & Geneva) // Devyn’s Dance Grooves (Devyn)
devyn’s dance grooves (photo by aki)
Crystal, Music Editor & Toros Counselor: By Saturday morning I was experiencing some serious sleep deprivation and so I stopped by one of my favorite places, The Breakfast Club, to trade some Tim Tams for two cups of the most delicious dark french press.
unrelated photograph of crystal (photo by tay)
Carmen Rios, Contributing Editor & Inferno Counselor: I created the Pure Poetry Challenge for Camp because I knew people wanted to write poetry and I knew I needed to make it fun in order to make it worthwhile for them because, seriously, life is hard enough and sometimes you need a goddamn writing prompt, okay? Each round, I selected a type of poem randomly and then gave them a random keyword (kittens, headlamp, the patriarchy) as well as an excerpted line from a famous poem we featured during Pure Poetry Week. (You may remember these poems from the Pure Poems post that went up while we were writing things on the mountain.) The poems, produced in four to five minutes each round, were absolutely perfect – and every single one was about sex. Like, every single one. Either a lot of campers were having sex in the woods or a lot of campers were wishing they had. It was like a freudian slip nobody was trying to keep from slipping. Highest moments include our rap round, in which I spit game but forgot the keyword we were supposed to incorporate and an anonymous participant wrote about “midnight creaming.”
at marni’s handy jobs workshop (photo by aki)
Riese, Editor-in-Chief and Runaways Counselor: We billed zine-making as more of a drop-in crafts session for this camp because we decided last time we weren’t qualified to lead it as a legit “workshop,” nor did we have enough time to carry out the ‘zine-making post-camp projects we often cooked up. My two co-hosts were a little late which left me a little flustered and perhaps seeming slightly unhinged, but soon enough we reached my favorite part of the experience which is the part where I can sit on the floor and cut & paste things with allt he best humans.
Riese: Thank goddess for Megan, who not only provided me with coffee, snacks and Supply Whistler assistance, but eventually located my sisters and brought them to me.
look how cute clare is in the corner of this photo sidenote (photo by bree)
Vanessa, Contributing Editor & Blackhearts Counselor: I love to talk and I love kickass fictional heroines, so I was really excited about the Kickass Heroines in Contemporary Sci-Fi/Fantasy panel. During the planning stages we couldn’t decide if like, five humans would show up, or if 100 humans would show up, so we had a little bit of trouble conceptualizing what the panel would look like. We knew that we really wanted to foster a discussion rather than just talk at people about how much Geneva and I adore Buffy, but we were a little bit nervous about how that would work in practice.
julia, vanessa, geneva & mey (photo by katie o)
Vanessa: But then on the day of the panel 50 humans showed up, and we somehow had an amazing and thought-provoking discussion about the Whedonverse, Hunger Games, Divergence, and more. It felt like everyone had a chance to speak – and I hope the campers felt that to be true, too – and I was really blown away by the level of respect and intelligence present in our conversation. I shouldn’t have been surprised, because Straddlers are awesome like that, but I so rarely find other people who want to have serious conversations about fictional characters and plots and worlds, and it was just really validating to be around a group that wanted to geek out as hard as I do all the time. Also special shout out to the camper who said “war changes you” as a way to think about the epilogue of the Hunger Games, you really changed my perspective on the end of the book and that was really cool!
Crystal: Stef, Somer and I hosted Music Trivia, proving once and for all that we are not the same person.
Stef, Contributor & Bombshells Counselor: This was the Music Trivia where we finally figured out how to get shit done. We tried out some new categories this time, including a series of hip hop questions donated and presented by one very raspy-voiced Miz Gabby Rivera.
Gabby, Writer & Foxfire Counselor: Before camp, Stef and I were gchatting about how much shit we still had left to do and she mentioned that she was hard up for music trivia questions. I offered to come up with some hip hop ones and she accepted. Her and Crystal liked my Qs so they kept them.
Image via Stef Schwartz
Stef: If I may say so myself, our new scoring system was a great success and Somer was a very welcome addition to the team, providing an extra bit of flavor to the good cop/bad cop dynamic Crystal and I had established in prior sessions.
Cyrstal: Stef and Somer tag-teamed the question-asking while I threw around Tim Tams for correct answers. Everyone was somehow able to guess the name of Ali Lohan’s holiday album. Red team was victorious.
Gabby: On my way to one event, I landed in the middle of the music trivia just in time for the hip hop segment and yo, Stef and Crystal let me give out the clues. It was so awesome. I know someone ragged on my questions for being mostly about 1990s hip hop but other than that one hater, everyone was into it! People knew Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s aliases, what borough Nicki Minaj is from and the rap group that jump started Lil’ Kim’s career. Badass queermos rocked the hell out of that hip hop shit and made me want to come up with even better questions next time. Play on, playas.
Stef: I’d venture to say that Music Trivia has started to reach its potential, and I can’t wait to torture campers with even tougher questions in October.
lanie nails it (photo by rachel w)
Carrie, Community Managerette & Tiger Beat Counselor: Despite having not worked out since 2010, I was feeling fairly okay with the altitude situation at this camp. Then I played basketball. Guys, did you know that Brittani played for Yale and she and many other A-campers have real basketball experience? The last time I played competitive basketball POGS were a thing.
Brittani, Contributing Editor & Hellcats Counselor: Playing basketball is always one of my favorite parts of camp. Yes, it’s hard to breathe in the altitude and yes, we end up going on several unplanned hikes when the ball plummets into a ravine and needs to be retrieved but it’s always a lot of fun. Everyone does a great job of making it a positive experience for campers of all skills levels. This time around we played shirts versus skins which should inspire more people to come cheer us on next Camp.
mysteriours trashcan game – photo by Carrie
Carrie: Thanks for reminding me how out of shape I am, everyone. And to the campers who made half mile treks down the mountain to retrieve loose balls and the camper who commandeered a trash can for a mysterious (Canadian?) recess game, I salute you.
Brittani: I also dunked on Nate in case anyone was wondering. It was very quick. Everyone might have missed it. Including Nate.
(photo by mary)
Taylor, Contributor & Vipers Counselor: In spite of some pretty stiff competing programming, lots of you all attended my Google Glass “workshop” i.e. me talking at your faces with a thing on my face. You were so smart and had so many good questions! You will all be spared from my lasers in the Great Cyborg Reckoning.
glassy (photo by katie o.)
Lizz, Contributing Editor & Starjammers Counselor: My Safer Sex Workshop was so fun. I think people had a good time a learned a little bit. I particularly loved the cards with different sex acts written on the (illustrated by the wonderful Kristen).
Kristen, Contributing Editor & Scissor Sisters Counselor: I had more fun prepping Liz’s Safer Sex Panel than I did prepping my own. I don’t think that’s how camp is supposed to work, but I’ll just make a point of sexualizing Plant 101 with Cara next time. Early Thursday morning Liz, Mey, Ali, Hansen, Cara, Rachel, Meredydd, Intern Grace, Julia and I sat around a tree stump brainstorming possible girl on girl sexy acts. Eating poop? Vore? Vulva-slapping? Cake sitting? Campers needed to know, and more importantly, know how safe these acts were. But of course, Hypersexual Flashcard Crafts became all the more thrilling when I had a chance to bask in the sun on Friday and ask randoms to help me illustrate strapon sex (giving and receiving) and nipple clamping among other things. Somehow I managed to round up Cara, Nic, Stephy, Mey, Julia and Kira of Scarlet Tentacle Fame, so let’s just say that those flashcards were raunchy and accurate as fuck.
Lizz: It was particularly great because it ended up being a discussion at times instead of a panel/presentation. Who knew “cake sitting” would be such a conversation starter?!? Just kidding. I knew it would be! But I loved it anyways.
Riese: The Your Relationship Doesn’t Have to Suck Situation was invented by Robin, Marni and I during our Pre-Camp planning meetings, and came out of a lot of things — like all the relationship advice questions you guys send us! Often same-sex relationships can become both really private and really self-destructive really quickly and people aren’t always eager to reach out for help. I had experience with all manners of sucky-relationships (with men and women) and also healthy ones, as did many of the panelists. We answered some questions from campers and it felt like a really important thing was happening.
real talk panel (photo by aki)
Laneia, Executive Editor & Runaways Counselor: I’m so glad we were able to hold the healthy relationships discussion with Sarah Evan and the rest of the amazing panelists. Deer lodge was packed with so many bodies and so much support, and I really believe we each came away with something helpful that we’ll keep for when we need it most. This workshop was another example of the realness and honesty people bring to A-Camp — so we’re willing to be really exposed and vulnerable, while at the same time we’re able to help hold someone else up in their vulnerability. I sound like I’m on MDMA but I’m being totally serious here. This workshop was fucking hard for me, but I was so proud to be part of it.
Riese: Last camp Sarah Evan moderated our Body Image/Eating Disorders Discussion/Panel and after we got through this one, with all its disclosures and looking-at-the-carpet-to-avoid-crying, she was like Jesus Riese, you’ve had some fucked up shit happen in your life! And I was like, “it will all be in the book!”
Mey, Contributor & Slayers Counselor: The Femme Meet-Ups were maybe my favorite thing about camp. First of all, I got to make a super cool Lisa Frank sticker and glitter-covered poster. Plus, I found out that Femme Meet Ups are something that I had never realized that I needed so badly in my life.
Image via Mey
Mey: In case you weren’t lucky enough to be sitting near us at lunch, we were a group of femmes who met up at lunch to hang out, dress up, and bond. We had so many types of Femmes, everyone from Lazy Femmes, to High Femmes, to Blue Jean Femmes, to New Femmes and more. Everyone looked amazing and was even more amazing once I got to know them. We talked about the merits of wearing dresses (you only have to put on one piece of clothing!) and the frustrations of constantly having to come out to people. We had between 15-20 people each time at lunch, and the second day, we were all crowded around one table, letting out our femme feelings and talking about femme angst and why we love being femmes. I had been fixing my lipstick at meals all week before this, and finally other people at my table were doing the same thing, reassuring me that I wasn’t alone. There are some places where I’m allowed to be a woman, allowed to be queer and allowed to be femme (and lots of places I’m not), but at camp, and especially at these meet ups, I wasn’t just allowed to be those things, I was actively and enthusiastically encouraged to be them.
vanessa and mey
Robin, Photographer & Camp Co-Director: I always feel like I have very little time at camp to just sit and talk with campers so the One-on-One Mentoring Sessions was my favorite activity. I loved being able to see the photographs some of our visually-talented campers had taken (especially ones from A-Camp!) and just have a chance to share my experiences and hear their own.
Riese: This idea was brilliant and I’d never wished so hard that I was a camper so that I could sign up for one and have one of these women tell me what the fuck to do with myself. Because there’s no point in me having a feeling if I can’t share it with you, I’m gonna give you their bios because it was reading these bios in the Activity Descriptions packet that made me wish I had a one-on-one mentoring session. Perhaps you will feel the same way.
Meredydd- Getting a Job, Buying a House – Professionally, I have a lot of experience going on job interviews and acting as a hiring manager. I have helped people successfully prep for interviews in the public and private sectors, reviewed countless resumes and advised employees and friends on how to navigate challenging workplace situations. Personally, I have come back from near disaster (layoffs, job loss and other personal challenges) to own my own home and become reasonably financially secure. Let me help you get a job, keep a job, understand home buying and budgeting. I don’t have all the answers but I can help!
Robin – Photography, Owning a Small Business – As a professional photographer and business owner, I can offer advice on being a freelance creative. Pricing yourself (placing value on your work), working with clients, and fine tuning your own creative process are areas where I have some experience. Specifically if you are interested in working in photography! Or if you just want me to review a portfolio or help answer your photo questions, I’m happy to help!!
Carly – Television, Working in Media – I’m an expert in muppets, drag queens, all aspects of TV/video production, bowties, being an adult human, being married to an exceptional adult human, pretending to be a DJ, being less hilarious than B but still moderately funny and managing one’s obsessive-compulsive disorder. Sign up at your own risk.
Cee – All the Things, Money Management – I’ve lived through a couple dot com booms and busts, formed a company, lived abroad for five years, published a cookbook, traveled to over 50 countries, learned another language and bought a house. I’m an independent lifelong learner with a broad range of interests. I can help with repairing/building your credit line, home buying/mortgages, investing and handling money, starting a business, navigating the tech industry, traveling/backpacking/living abroad, self motivation tips, setting personal goals and how to meet people who can help you achieve those goals.
Jess R – Nutrition Counseling, Owning a Small Business – After working web design/social media strategy for 8+ years post-college, I decided to follow my fitness/foodie passion and became certified as a Holistic Nutrition + Fitness Coach helping people create a completely personalized roadmap to health that suits their unique body, lifestyle and goals. I now offer private coaching through the business I founded, Cake to Kale (caketokale.com), where I specialize in deconstructing food cravings, disordered eating and personal training. I have worked alongside countless business and life coaches, soaking up their knowledge to share with you on starting a business from your heart-centered core. My mission is to inspire, educate and empower people to become rockstars in their bodies and minds.
RIGHT??? Did you know that Cee published a cookbook? I did not. Anyhow, according to Meredydd’s Camper Survey evaluation, y’all got a lot out of your one-on-ones, so we’ll definitely do it again in October. (And we’ll have Grace Bonney, too!)
Next: The afternoon delights…
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I kind of wish I went to Klub Deer now just so I could have shown smartphone pictures of my cat to Jill.
I have no cat of my own, so I’m collecting some photos from Tumblr just for Jill/Klub Deer next time around.
All of my feelings are basically whiskey feelings, as without the aid of whiskey I only have smartass feelings. So naturally, the whiskey tasting was right up my alley, and that Handy was legitimately one of the most delicious things I have ever tasted in this life and perhaps the next. My go-to “fancy” bourbon was also on the list, the Four Roses Single Barrel, and I cannot recommend that highly enough. I think this should come back every year, and I’d really like to see maybe some historical stuff, like some old-school white whiskey, such as they drank back in the West? Or maybe a tasting focusing specifically on bourbons? Anyhow, if either of you ever need whiskey ideas for future camps, holler at me, as whiskey is my JAM.
Also, I spent most of the night at Klub Deer showing my garter belt to obliging persons, so WELL DONE ME.
Wait, wait, today was also the day that Dina made a CRITICAL ERROR and started asking me about Western novels and genre fiction and I basically threw book titles at her and tried to defend Larry McMurtry by telling her that Lonesome Dove makes up for Buffalo Girls because it’s so fucking good and she was like, “I’ve seen the movie” and I was all, “OKAY BUT YOU HAVE TO READ IT. Because it’s probably the best Western ever written even if, strictly speaking, it’s not my favorite*”
SORRY DINA
*My favorite is Doc: A Novel by Mary Doria Russell, and it’s excellent even if you don’t like Westerns, so do yourself a favor, seriously.
NO DON’T WORRY I’M INTO IT
i really like these whiskey ideas a lot
I’m constructed of like, 99% whiskey ideas and history knowledge.
I would love to help if ever you need it, on the real. There’s so much fun stuff you can do with history/booze/booze history
Heartbroken I missed the whiskey tasting, next time we’re in the same state please demo what you learned. <3
If you come visit me, I’ll feed you so much bourbon and history that you’ll be forced to ooze around as a puddle like you’re in The Secret World of Alex Mack
Maybe when I finish grad school I’ll take a cross country road trip, straddling everyone everywhere.
I mean visiting straddlers everywhere.
BUTCH MULAN
I had serious reservations about being the Blue Rainbow wars representative for this Family-Feud/Wet T-shirt contest thingy. Lots of nerves were had, then I placed the Cowboy hat of No Fucks Given on my head and dove in.
Wow, well I have to say that the pic from Faggity Feud is going to be the one I treasure mainly because the absolutely huge grin I had getting blasted by Brandy.
A note: The water in those water guns was.. stinky. :P Like, eww.
Shelby you rocked it in the hat!!!! I didn’t notice the stinky water because….alcohol?
This was my favorite day! I was running on adrenaline and booze, we won a thing and it was the most fun time with my cabin/team ever. The whiskey tasting was super fun and I totally hope that by next camp I can learn dapper so I can partake in the hour. I am the saddest that I missed fashion week also. I played drinking games with the Golden Girls and fell asleep on my way to faggity feud and woke up for Klub Deer. BEST DAY EVER! Next time I will sleep so I don’t miss things.
fashion week will be EVEN BETTAR next time
I can’t even wait! Several well dressed ladies asked me to come and I just died a little each time. whiskey conflicted. Priorities?
KLUB DEER!! <3
DeAnne Smith nearly killed me from laughing too hard. I literally laughed so hard my face started to get tingly from a lack of oxygen. I’m pretty sure I saw a white light… But I talked myself back down because I didn’t want to miss the end of her show.
Bear-sized thanks, apologies, and owed drinks to everyone who got tangled up in my hair feelings.
Thank you for the Bisexuality Panel, that is all
you guys I’m still really conflicted about the mom thing
Brittani somehow I missed you dunking. I was probably busy looking at the other campers without shirts. I mean busy playing basketball. What?
Wait. Wait, Rachel Walker is a Calendar Girl!?!?!? Holy shit!
Also, real talk, Rise, I hope that wasn’t a serious idea about naming the Non-Monosexual Panel “Dirty Sluts” or “Blow Job”. That makes me super uncomfortable even considering a real thing =/
…it’s not an idea, let alone a serious idea? it was just a joke that stef started…
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW ME
OKAY THANK GOD I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE
<3 <3 <3
really kalyna REALLY?
I’m just going to blame Stef for everything.
Riese, I love yoooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
re: Rachel as Calendar Girl, I think something was missing from your camp tote bag…
I got Grace’s postcard. Wait, did people get different ones!?
Also The Breakfast Club!!!
Also my best camp memory was when Geneva walked into breakfast Sunday with thr VIP shirt I had lost in Klub Deer the previous night and said she was proud of me. That means a lot, Geneva.
“lost”
ALSO THE KICKASS HEROINES PANEL WAS SO AMAZING. Launa and I had a side panel afterward where we could have lots of Doctor Who feelings, so that was just the best part.
I loved this day the most. Especially staying up until 5am talking about feelings and Deanne Smith being hilarious. And Breakfast Club. And hiking. It was just a really good day.
This is one of those situations where I don’t remember faces, but I believe there was a time at camp where I overheard two people being mean about Eleven and then I yelled at them and went away.
I WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. I LOVE ELEVEN MORE THAN ANYTHING.
Klub Deer looks like legit the greatest thing.
Well, the entirety of A-Camp looks like the greatest thing. I WILL MAKE IT SOMEDAY.
Registration for October camp is Monday! Join us!! It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done with my life, ever.
It’s worth flying across the Pacific Ocean for, and it takes a lot of Ativan for me to fly across the Pacific Ocean so I don’t say that lightly.
At first when I scanned your comment I thought it said, “And it takes a lot of Activia for me to fly.”
Which I thought was a pretty deep and beautifully honest confession. And hey, maybe everyone needs some digestive help when traveling, right?
AUTOSTRADDLE & ACTIVIA. I see a perfect partnership evolving. Let’s hit up their corporate sponsorship division and get a case of it for October.
haha i had to log in to like somer’s comment. gi flora health is surrious business.
I want to come so badly, but the UK is so far away from LA. Sigh.
Klub Deer is the greatest thing. You are correct.
I spent 2 nights in Klub Deer (and part of one afternoon) in a bra/bikini top and blazer. I’m blaming Riese (but it was a good choice, so whatevs).
Also, the TIGERBEAT picture! Oh, absinthe.
idk why this was a response to anything.
brandy howard is very fashion-forward is all i can say
It’s been almost a month and I still can’t decide whether being Carmen’s sometimes lighting director in Klub Deer, having Brandy Howard touch me through a wet tshirt, or being a member of the “Nichols” family was my favorite part of Saturday.
I do have to say that it was a little bit distracting being on the bisexuality panel while the drag kings were parading past the window.
Apparently we took up alot more space than we even realized.
You’re welcome
The Bisexuality Panel was my everything, so major snaps for that. It turns out I have WAY A LOT of feelings on this subject.
I think I had started the feverish writing process for my talent show piece that day so most of my day was spent in a prolonged feelings-induced panic attack w/r/t that. (Sometimes writing is like pulling off all my fingernails but I do it anyway.)
Also I’m pretty sure this was the night when Leslie and I took off our shirts in Klub Deer.
Ahhh!! I loved camp so much and there’s so much to reflect on!! I came in on the end of the “Your relationship doesn’t have to suck” panel and it was so intense, and during the Q&A section to that panel, I made a really good friend.
Also, Devyn is amazing, not only because we have the same name, but yoga. All the yoga.
Tooo many good things happened on Saturday. Whiskey tasting was wonderful, although I was late to Dapper Hour because of it. BUT THAT’S OKAY BECAUSE I WAS ENJOYING MY WHISKEY (aside from being hungover to start the session off).
from now on whenever i write that something is mysterious i’m going to follow with (canadian?)
omg ok, seriously, deanne smith. we laughed so hard we cried and stopped breathing and almost saw jesus.
Best thing. I’ve never laughed harder.
dapper hour <3
also, most of the VIP cabin did at least three outfit changes a day, it was the best thing, like we considered the entire camp a fashion show
also, deanne needs to come back next camp, obvs
#graceellisbisexual. the #1 trending topic in angelus oaks. the ONLY trending topic in angelus oaks.
I want a poetry anthology to be put together.
All I can say is thank you for not getting a picture of my boobs. My work would not be happy ;)
Probably the excessive amount of red wine I’ve had tonight, but holy shit I love y’all, what a bunch of badasses. A Camp is a thing I need in my life.
duh!
Dapper hour was one if the most beautiful sights of all time. It should be added to your bucket list.
Also, Deanne. So funny, so pretty <3
The only problem with the mentoring thing is I can’t pick just one problem to get mentorated. What I need is a team of mentors. Preferably in HAZMAT suits for their own protection.
I think that Autostraddle does an awesome job of uniting queer people from many walks of life. However, the more I articles I read, the more I feel that Autostraddle focuses too exclusively on the Butch/Femme dichotomy. As a girl whose sexuality, gender expression, and gender identity are too fluid and elusive to pin a label on, I feel a bit isolated. I know that queers in general aren’t separated into these two separate spheres, but when I see things like “femme meetup,” I have to wonder what equivalent of that exists for those who are confused, uncertain, and equally uncomfortable with butch and femme, not entirely feminine or masculine (but uncomfortable with genderqueerness as well). Perhaps my perception is skewed as I am more of a casual reader and don’t see all corners of the site where I might be represented, but I get the feeling that this site might be sorting people into too few bins. I don’t know that posting a comment on this article is the proper venue, or if I’ve gotten my point across as well as I hoped, but I ultimately feel a little lost in this queer community. It is really easy to feel like I’m not actually queer or that I’m not doing it right, and I think many others feel this way too. Or probably the range of queers is an enormous sea of identities with only small sections identifying with butch or femme, but it almost doesn’t feel that way on this site and many other queer internet spaces.
Hiya Chloe!
Your comment is really interesting to me because I’ve heard this criticism before from my wife, but as an androgynous weirdo myself, I’ve never really felt this way. (And I read this site, like, A LOT a lot.) I guess I see stuff that’s labelled “butch” or “femme” as descriptors as well as identities, kind of as shorthand for one end of the gender spectrum. That might be because my personal brand of androgyny is more of an “and” than a “neither”.
I saw the femme and dapper meetups as just another activity – there were plenty of other things going on at the same time that I attended instead. (Or possibly I sat under a tree muttering to myself while scribbling in a notebook. I did that a lot on Saturday.)
I do feel you on the sexual fluidity front – my first camp (1.0) I felt like I had to keep my bisexuality under wraps because everyone was like “YAY LESBIANS” the whole time. (And at least I have a female partner – I know people with male partners who just didn’t mention their partner at all during camp. That makes me sad.) But 3.0 was way better for me in this respect, I think because the bisexuality panel existed and that helped raise the awareness.
I think one of the great things about AS and camp is that they are constantly evolving and trying to incorporate feedback like this. I can’t personally picture what, for example, a meetup for the people in the center would look like, but it sounds like you might! And I’d love to know more, and something tells me the staff would too! And if you don’t, that’s cool too.
Anyway, I hope you stick around because I do think this site has something for everyone – and if nothing else, there’s also a scroll button for articles that don’t apply.
AND! If you ever do go to camp, I think the Gender Panel would be right up your alley. I went at 1.0 and I remember touching on a lot of these issues.
<3
Everything Dina just said. Gender panel was awesome. And i think that aside from the femme meet up or maybe Dapper hour (which I think represented a variety of gender presentations) there was no real gender presentation specific events at camp. The bajillion other activities at camp were super inclusive. Which is also how I feel about the site as a whole. Something for everybody. Also, this site is run by a group of diverse, non-perfect humans who are trying their best to create an amazing inclusive safe space that I have not found anywhere else.
We had a bunch of meetups led or suggested by campers that just wanted to meet similar-minded folk. So while we had the femme/dapper meetup, we also had everything from Canadian to tech to women in science. It’s not at all to put people in boxes, but just simply to let people connect to one another, you know? Throughout camp I spoke to a lot of people that thought about gender a lot and could not/did not agree with the butch/femme spectrum so they just didn’t go to those meetups. And hey, if you come to camp and want to find some people that look at life through a similar lens, send an email to marni or robin (or find them before meals IRL) and they’d be more than happy to make that happen.
Hi Chloe!
I agree with what Dina, Torrebelle, and Kristen have said: You bring up an extremely valid concern, but I feel like AS is the one site (and through A-Camp, the one physical space) where I feel like people are embraced wherever they are on the gender expression spectrum. I don’t identify as butch or femme, but I haven’t felt excluded from the space/site, but I understand that is just my opinion. Like Kristen mentioned, some of the group meetings came up to bring folk together, and each event wasn’t the end-all-be-all of what camp/what this site is. I think AS has always reflected on not just promoting one idea of what queerness is (cause that is impossible and weird and why would we/they do that). But I hope you stick around too, and if you ever get a chance, go to A-Camp because I literally have never seen such a diverse crowd in terms of gender presentation. It literally made me tear up, and I felt really included and safe in that environment.
firstly, i’d like to second everything torre, sonia, kristen and dina said. secondly — i own this website and this camp and i don’t ascribe to any kind of butch or femme role, nor does my co-founder & COO, nor do the executive editor, the senior editor, the music editor, our editorial assistant or 75% of our writing team. so i don’t even think it’d be possible for us to pull off a butch/femme-focused website! we actually got a lot of feedback for the first three years of autostraddle that there wasn’t enough on this site for butch or masculine-of-center women, and so we’ve responded to those criticisms as best we can by adding more and more content.
i think when you look at camp imagery, you’ll see a lot of dapper hour photos ’cause people took a lot of photos at dapper hour. and dress-up clothing for people of all orientations, gender identities and expressions tends to be especially gendered, and people tend to take a lot more pictures when everybody is dressed up, which would perpetuate that conception. also a lot of us dressed up for dapper hour just for funsies (with borrowed bowties, of course)… and dapper and butch aren’t interchangeable terms. if you look at the actual camp schedule though, you’ll see that out of 60 planned activities, only three could be interpreted as being gender-related (gender panel, dapper hour & drag king workshop).
even though i can’t relate to it, i find it very inspiring the strength that many queers find in their gender expressions and identities — mey’s bit on the femme meet-up was especially touching — and when campers wanted us to make a space for that at camp, we did! as kristen said, we have meet-ups for lots of different like-minded groups of people at camp. and maybe i’m biased, but i’m on board with sonia’s assertion that she’s never seen such a diverse crowd in terms of gender presentation. (including a huge group of people like me, who just kinda wear what’s comfortable and don’t think too much about gender presentation.) it truly is inspiring. of course there’s only one way to see for yourself… :-)
Maybe at this point I’m just being redundant, but I have to echo what everyone else said.
Your comment, “It is really easy to feel like I’m not actually queer or that I’m not doing it right, and I think many others feel this way too.” really spoke to me, because for a long time that’s how I felt about presenting as femme – like if I wore dresses, I wasn’t androgynous enough and people just assumed I was straight. So the femme meet-up, for me, was a chance to spend time with other people who saw my queerness and the way I represent it for exactly what it is. You also have to understand that the femme meet-up wasn’t even on the official schedule, it just popped into being sort of spontaneously as a result of a bunch of femmes wanting to get together and Mey being awesome.
In the end I really think the lesson we all continue to learn is that Gender Is Hard, for a lot of people, regardless of their gender presentation. Gender with Sexuality Is Hard too, when it seems like there are requirements for what it means to “look” queer.
And that’s the great thing about Autostraddle. There are so many people here who are also dealing with Gender Is Hard (like, maybe almost everyone, except apparently Riese*). And all those people would be happy to talk about gender, in a multitude of ways, whether it’s about the binary, the spectrum, avoiding labels, embracing labels, creating new labels and identities entirely, etcetcetc.
(*that’s a joke, nobody yell at me)
After each new Recamp article I want to go to A-Camp more desperately. Such a beautiful location, lots of exciting workshops and panels and so many beautifully diverse queers! Unfortunately I live very, very far away and usually have to work during the time when A-Camp takes place. Hope to make it there some day, though.
These recamps are great, i wish i was there!
Reading these recamps makes me want to go to A-Camp and hang out with all the awesome queer people. Darn living-in-Europe. Maybe some day!
we do have lots of europeans at camp! YOU CAN DO IT
And seven Australians! (aka crazy people)
Gah, all of these recamps are killing me (in a good way). Klub Deer t-shirts and flashcards from the sex health panel should be a thing, or like some be illustrated, and some left blank to D.I.Y. TAKE MY MONEY :D
Klub Deer tshirts! Good. Fucking. Idea. Paging Alex Vega.
I just love reading the A-camp recaps! I wish there was an Autostraddle camp in south america :'(
Riese, I loved the zine-making activity! I got to make a tribute to Lena Dunham and learn more about zine culture, which made me wish I’d been paying more attention when I was a wee tween in the 90’s.
Lizz, your sexual health workshop was great! I learned quite a few important bits of information, and I really appreciated the way you addressed my questions. The next time I shop for a toy, I will think back fondly to this session.
Once again I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to all the staff who worked so hard to make Camp 3.0 happen. I really appreciate your efforts and hard work! You are all amazing <3
thank you maggie!!!
deanne smith was pretty much my favorite thing that has happened to anyone anywhere ever. also i never stick around klub deer long (i’m easily distracted) but it’s always one of my favorite parts. the first night at klub deer, when we had shitty speakers and the music was super quiet so everyone just sang REALLY LOUDLY to make up for it – that was one of my favorite moments!
even though there were only 14 people in Klub Deer the first night, the singalong style dance party was one of my favorite things.
Literally teary right now that I missed a bunch of high altitude femme meet ups.