Letter From Your Editors

Hello Pear Polenta Tarts!

Laneia was pleased with herself for last month’s “send me a picture of yourself today” collage so we decided to do it again. Please note that Laneia’s picture here is a classic and belongs on the cover of Laneia’s memoir, She Did What She Could.

So much team!! // 1st row: Heather H., Nora, Lucy, Kayla (and Paulson), Heather D., Neesha // 2nd row: Tiara, Sarah, Valerie, Alaina, Stef, Rachel // 3rd row: KaeLyn (and Waffle), Raquel, Laneia, Carolyn and Carrie, Audrey (and Aida), Erin, Mey, Laura // Nikki, Faith, Casey, Jenna, Riese (and Speegz)

What a month we’ve had! In addition to Donald Trump continuing to just pull out ALL the damn stops, it looks like The L Word is eyeing a reboot and we’re all thinking critically about effective queer intersectional activism. We’ve also been really heartened by all of your donations and A+ membership upgrades. We’re currently experiencing our biggest decline ever in advertising revenue and so your support means the whole world to us.

We set goals and intentions last month and we feel really good about how that’s going. Yes, there have been growing pains and yes, we’ve had to make some tough choices in order to prioritize our sanity — but everything already feels slightly-more-manageable than before and we’re so excited about our new writers and other FUTURE THINGS. We feel like we’re moving in a solid direction, meeting deadlines, and being realistic about our capabilities. Like how we’re publishing this today instead of on the 30th, and we’ve committed to getting Some Answers to Some Questions You’ve Been Asking Us into the world every month instead of letting them pile up.

Our TV content has been timely and thorough (AND FINALLY QUEEN SUGAR) and we’ve published some great features, like Neesha’s piece on Trumpcare’s impact on the QTPOC community, Maree’s personal essay on her exes living in Brooklyn, a truly stunning gallery of lesbian Kens, another deep-dive into the sordid lives of Old Hollywood lesbians, and Courtney Trouble interviewing Chelsea Poe. We debuted the Monday Roundtable, and have made an effort to fill the Queer Your Tech-sized hole in your weekend heart with Reneice’s Femme Brûleé  and Laneia’s Y’All Need Help. Plus isn’t Nora doing an amazing job as Fashion Editor? SHE IS.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this month’s A+ content, which included and certainly was limited to Carrie’s Interview With Her High School Crush, Gabby Rivera Getting In Bed With Kristin, Kate Leth Getting In Bed With Kristin, Your Self-Identity Getting In Bed With Kristin, A+ Inbox Live Podcast #21! Autobottom Dot Com, Raquel’s Interview With her Ex-Girlfriend: Meg and the A+ Inbox Live Podcast #22: I Hate That So Much.

We love you a lot!

Love,

Riese

Cosigned by Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From June 2017

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. 75 Lesbian Ken Dolls, Ranked By Lesbianism, by Riese Bernard
2. Homophobic Man Beats Lesbian Unconscious On Brooklyn-Bound Q Train, by Riese Bernard
3. EW Reunites “The L Word” Cast, Honestly This Is The Best 37 Minutes We’ve Had In A While, by Riese Bernard
4. Why I’m Saying No To Playing (and Attending) NYC Pride™ This Year, by Mal Blum
5. We Are All Lesbian Ken: Send Us Your Photos For A Community Gallery, by Vanessa Friedman
6. 22 Queer-Owned Stores That’ll Meet Your LGBT Pride T-Shirt Needs, Keep It In The Family, by Riese Bernard
7. RETURNING A SWEATSHIRT?? Kristen Stewart Seen Leaving Ex Alicia Cargile’s Home, by Stef Schwartz
8. In Conversation With Sarah Schulman: “They’re Being Taught That Control Is Freedom”, by Riese Bernard
9. It Appears That Straight Women Are Not Okay, by Erin Sullivan
10. I Have a Lesbian Crush on This “Loud House” Storyline About Girls Having Crushes on Girls, by Valerie Anne

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Heather: we should do a list that’s like “25 things the l word has to get right this time” and it’s like 25. a podcast is not a vlog. 24. this is how you play “i never.” 23. if you leave rice noodles on the oven while you’re having sex, it *will* burn the house down.
Riese: really important to get the actual rules of “i’ve never” out there
i hope max’s baby has grown up and is an asshole
Heather: me too, absolutely
Riese: “you were super mean to my dad, fuck you” – max’s baby
Laneia: !!
Riese: i hope he named it Jennifer
Laneia: i screamed
Riese: Jewish tradition to name your baby after a dead family member
Heather: i’m going to have one of my fancy beers and toast all the lesbian forums who rejected my the l word fan fiction because i didn’t have what it took to write about lesbians on tv
here’s to you, suckers!
Riese: pour one out for sarah warn not hiring me to work at afterellen on the basis of my writing about the l word
Heather: mmm, delicious.
Laneia: want to frame this

Vanessa: Has anyone heard of the LezDoIt app? Looks new but could be cool? Idk

Kind of like tinder but actually just for friends?
Riese: it’s… Letzdoit
not lezdoit
Stef: two very different apps
Molly: oh no
Stef: is this like that gal pal app i had
and i was the only person on it
i was just looking for gals to be pals with
Molly: sure
Vanessa: I JUST REALIZED RIGHT NOW THAT THE APP IS NOT FOR GAY PEOPLE
sorry for yelling
I thought riese was just like “oh Vanessa you made a typo”
But like no
Molly: vanessa
Riese: i’m so sorry
Vanessa: I’m cackling out loud right now
I’m in a car with Hansen, who says hi btw, and I am horrified at my own self
Goodbye cruel world

Rachel: y’all i need someone to hit me in the face with a cinderblock every time i think i can do a fourth cup of coffee
why do i keep thinking that
Yvonne: because you think it’ll make things all better but then it doesn’t
same for me and this cold brew
it’s fucking potent
Rachel: after three cups of coffee i’m still tired but i’m functional
and every time i’m like oh i just need another half a cup
but no, 3.5 cups of coffee just gets you a low-grade anxiety attack that lasts for 30 minutes and your hands shaking
Yvonne: true life

Laneia: heather i got 17 submissions from you posting the thing to social
THANK U
one for every year obamacare has been killing us
Heather: your vision for social media is never wrong
Laneia: HA i’m going to start saying that to my children when they argue with me about something
MY VISION IS NEVER WRONG
TALK TO HEATHER HOGAN ABOUT THAT

Laneia: my podcast track has everyone’s voices on it but as tiny people at the bottoms of wells
Rachel: that was what we sounded like yes
Riese: right
Laneia: which means i’m going to murder myself
Rachel: please do not
Heather: we can do it the other way!
Riese: isn’t that how it always is? each of our tracks are normal and loud and then you hear other people in the background
Laneia: your track should only have your single voice
no it’s only like that when god hates me
Riese: you don’t believe in G-d
Laneia: maybe that’s the problem here

Riese: pitch: top 15 cutest lesbian couples of shutterstock
top 15 hottest lesbians on shutterstock
Laneia: approved. deadline please
Riese: top 15 sexiest babes on shutterstock
mmmm tuesday
need some time with their “stories”
Laneia: updating mural
[…]
Riese: some of these new ones are cute!
the lesbian couples of shutterstock
Heather: are you going to write a small fanfiction about each of them
Laneia: they really are. i tried to bookmark this one i really loved
Riese: my pitch assumed they only had ridiculous lesbian couples but damn
i can make the captions ridiculous instead, they’ll be crazy like “never leave me i hate myself”
Heather: “it’s cute now but i mean it i will literally never call the pizza place”
“we might as well fuck and ruin our friendship we’re honestly not even very good friends”
Laneia: “never compare me to my father”
sorry that one was v personal
redacted

Laneia: can’t think of a crisis i overcame in my career
for this roundtable
Riese: what about when we had a three-month fight
Laneia: that is a terrible thing to talk about
Riese: how about in july 2010 when i wouldn’t get out of bed b/c the website was broken
and you had to yell at me about how i was capable of getting out of bed
actually that’s more of a me-crisis
what about the five million times i yelled at you about how you are capable of doing this job when you insisted that you could not
Laneia: my crisis is not believing in myself; the daily crisis of being me
Riese: the daily crisis of being me!
Laneia: that is my book title do not steal it

Molly: hello. can someone tell me how i’m supposed to feel about what is happening with supergirl
i can’t keep up
Valerie: i personally think you should feel annoyed with jeremy jordan and the loaf of bread that plays the loaf of bread if you want to but that’s just me…
honestly i thought it was dumb and disrespectful but not like intentionally malicious but then he tried to put out a grease fire with more grease by not knowing how to apologize so there’s no helping him now
Riese: what was his apology
Valerie: it was basically “i’m sorry you’re upset but you’re hurting my feelings and that’s so much worse and also all i said was the truth”
“i have gay friends i’m not homophobic”
Riese: welp
Molly: this is helpful
thank you
Valerie: he was asked to sing a recap of the season, and he’s done it before without literally shouting at the fans that something they think is dumb, so.
i feel bad for chyler leigh, who has put in so much time and energy into being supportive and great and then this
Alexis: i’m pretty sure the majority of shippers know supercorp wouldnt happen, like esp living w the dead lesbian trope, i dont think anyone was holding their breath for it but the cast could’ve maybe just glossed over it instead of making it worse than it needs to be
Molly: ok so it’s not like her character was queer and then they un-queered her
Valerie: nope, just actors talking during an interview and then later on social media about two non-queer characters
who people ship
Molly: ahhh ok
that’s what i thought happened but wasn’t sure
if i was missing a big piece
Valerie: because the writers don’t know what two women being friends look like so it does genuinely often look like flirting
but no, no official unqueering
Molly: i see. hopes dashed, then.
Valerie: also katie mcgrath has chemistry with furniture
this is her having chemistry with a couch:

Molly: oh
oh my
oh no
Valerie: oh yes

Laneia: does anyone remember the thing rachel once said about how she would come into someone’s house while they were sleeping and paint the ‘scream’ on each of their fingernails so that when they woke up they’d have to confront what they’d done to her
or something like that
Riese: NO?!
Yvonne: wow no, but I want to hear all about it
Riese: same yes
Laneia: UGHHH i’m going to die. i don’t even remember where she said it! it was so brilliant and visceral i think it changed my life
and i’ve lost it

[….]

Laneia: oh sweet jesus i found it
it was part of a newsletter conversation with chelsey. i share it with you now, on this blessed day:

“is there a way to also put into the newsletter that if one more person uses a .png file as a feature image when we specifically told them not to in the last newsletter i will personally come to their house in the dark of night and painstakingly illustrate a portrait of myself in the style of munch’s “scream” on each of their individual fingernails so that when they wake up in the morning and reach for the alarm my eternal anguish is the first thing they are forced to confront”

#thankyourachel

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Nora Whelan, Fashion/Beauty Editor

Twitter: @noraiswrite
Instagram: @noraiswrite

What would be your superpower and why?
I would very much want to talk to animals. I mean, I already do to an extent, which is really embarrassing for my friends and loved ones — but you know, I’d like to hold actual conversations. Then again, I wonder if some animals would be assholes, and I’d wish I’d stayed ignorant of their individual personalities? It’s a tough call.

If you could invite four famous people (dead or alive) to dinner, who would you choose and why?
Any four celebrity chefs who aren’t jerks, if that’s a thing that exists. I can barely cook for one.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
I honestly don’t think I’ve been on any real doozies as an adult, which is pretty lucky, but I did run into my 7th grade boyfriend recently and we reminisced about when I made arrangements to give him head for the first time, because that was a thing I thought was supposed to be dutifully planned and checked off a list? I went to his place with my best friend after school, and he sat at the head of the bed while she and I whispered to each other on the foot for maybe an hour. And then I was like, I think the adolescent mortification associated with backing down from fellatio is still preferable to putting a dick in my mouth at this exact point in time, so I peaced out. If that counts.

What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?
Working at BuzzFeed. It wasn’t all LOLs and WINs, but it introduced me to some wonderful people, allowed me to build a small portfolio of projects I really care about, and has been immeasurably helpful in establishing myself as a freelancer.

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Can I do two? The right-facing pointing hand, and the “okay” hand. There’s no easier way to both cheer on your friend for leaving the bar with a cutie and interrogate them about what ~went down~, even if they’re not necessarily into digital (or any) penetration. It’s the emoji version of “shalom.”

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
I’m proud of the stuff being posted to my vertical — my own stuff to a point, but even moreso, stuff from freelancers of different sizes, genders, and colors with important stories to share.

Your Monthly Infographic About You

Some interesting information about you, retrieved from the 2017 Autostraddle Mini-Survey.

infographic by sarah sarwar

What We’ve Been Reading

Riese: The Hollywood Book of Death by James Parish

Raquel: The Answers: A Novel by Catherine Lacey

Casey: Here Comes the Sun by Nicole Dennis-Benn, Oh Honey by Emily R. Austin, and Foxglove Summer by Ben Aaronovitch

Alaina: Coming to Power edited by SAMOIS a Lesbian S/M Collective, The Second Coming: A Leatherdyke Reader edited by Pat Califia and Robin Sweeney, and Techniques of Pleasure by Margot Weiss

Sarah: The Miseducation of Cameron Post by emily m. danforth

Tiara: A Dangerous Woman: The Life, Loves, and Scandals of Adah Isaacs Menken, 1835-1868, America’s Original Superstar by Michael Foster and The Wicked + The Divine by Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie

Alexis: The Inexplicable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Saenz, Some of Us Did Not Die by June Jordan, Hammers On Bone by Cassandra Khaw, Ghost Summer: Stories by Tananarive Due

Neesha: Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown

Audrey: A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

Carrie: Al Franken, Giant of the Senate by Al Franken

Carolyn: Lumberjanes: Unicorn Power! by Mariko Tamaki and Her Body And Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado

Lucy: One of Us Is Lying by Karen M. McManus and rereading Girl Mans Up by M-E Girard

Nora: Captive of the Labyrinth: Sarah L. Winchester, Heiress to the Rifle Fortune by Mary Jo Ignoffo

Erin: Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Valerie Anne Lois Lane: Double Down by Gwenda Bond and Batgirl Volume 1: The Darkest Reflection by Gail Simone

Heather: Rebel of the Sands by Alwyn Hamilton

Jenna: It’s Not Like It’s a Secret by Misa Sugiura

Faith: The War Of Art by Steven Pressfield

Heather Davidson: Lockdown High by Annette Fuentes

SLACKERS

July Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Julys Riese thinks you might enjoy.

via Get Baked: A DC Brunch Diary and Recipe Book – A super great post that includes so many fun summer brunch recipes! You will not regret clicking through to this post, which was written by Carmen Rios

In The Sydney Roller Derby League, Even “Girly Girls” Hit Hard, by Crystal (2009) – People ask us to write about Roller Derby a lot and I think you should know just for the absolute record that we were definitely on top of this beat at some point.

True Confessions of a Queer Lisa Frank Enthusiast, by Kate Severance (2012) – This was Kate’s first post for us, I remember we had asked all the new folks for news/culture timely pitches and then it was Kate’s turn and we were just like, how about instead of giving us a new pitch you just do the Lisa Frank idea from your application? And she was like OKAY and we were like YAY FOREVER!!!

The Real L Word Recaps, by Riese Bernard (2010 – 2013) — Look… wow. I spent so many years of my life doing this work, this very important work. So many jokes and graphics! You will not regret spending a week reading all of them and remembering what a complicated experience we all lived through.

Rejection 101: A Lesbian’s Guide To Getting Turned Down, Keeping Your Head Up, by Grace Ellis (2011) – Grace has since become a genuine hearththrob with a great girlfriend, so I highly advise taking her advice.

Listling Without Commentary: 17 Things My Mom Has Mailed Me This Year, by Riese Bernard (2013) – This is a really important piece, it came up the other day, I don’t remember the context, but it was favorable.

Living While Black, Queer and Sometimes Mistaken For Male, by Brittani Nichols (2013) – Sometimes Brittani is serious and also really damn good. She wrote this essay shortly after the acquital of George Zimmerman for the murder of Trayvon Martin.

THAT NAOMI WATTS SHOW ON NETFLIX: A MULTI-DAY JOURNEY INTO NIGHT

is thinking about scissoring

Laneia: Barf everyone on this show is a dumb monster except for Dolly !!
SAVE DOLLY
Riese: also who names their kid DOLLY
Laneia: not even embarrassed to admit that I would
Riese: i hate this show
Laneia: I like how the babysitter politely ignores the fact that Jean smells like bourbon and girls
Also how hard is Billy Crudup just pulling from his own life here. He’s like yeah no, I know my motivation.

[…]

Riese: Sidney feels like the star of every novel I wrote as a 12 year old, like the cardboard cutout of “a mysterious and sexy musician of vague origins”
who ultimately lacks any real depth
Heather: i don’t think the show is good but i do think it’s very entertaining and sexy and when you really put it in a pensive and look at naomi watts juxtaposed to her kid, there’s something very revolutionary about this portrayal of queer women on tv.
another mad men is boring. but naomi watts is a bisexual woman and that’s not don draper.
Riese: just now they ordered “an egg white omelette” and “pancakes” at a fancy restaurant just like that!
but like they didn’t even say “the pancakes” or “the egg white omlette” they said
“i’ll have pancakes”
“i’ll have an egg white omelette”
what kind of pancakes? what’s in the omelette???
Heather: not everyone can order food like carol and therese
Riese: this is like how i get hung up on going to “the south of france” and “backpacking around europe” on pretty little liars
if there’s only one pancake dish on the menu then you say “the pancakes” and if there is more than one, then you’d have to specify which one!
it’s a tiny detail but man it needles me
Heather: because it makes everything feel too generic, like you’re shopping in a kohls or something?
Riese: well, kinda
firstly.
it makes the writing feel less intentional.
also. it’s not realistic
and tv shows don’t have to be realistic, but when you sacrifice realism it should be for a reason, and there’s no reason here
which again reminds me of a play i would’ve written in 2nd grade
but also — it drives me nuts when there are easy places to add character detail that are passed up to no real end
like how much was revealed in Carol! by a food order! like you said
and then Sidney wanted to go upstairs before their food even came?
which again is not how life works
you can’t dine and dash without dining and also when you’re dashing to another room in the same building
BUT i don’t think a show has to be well-written to be revolutionary
obviously
Heather: it’d be real fun and good if those two things could co-exist, though!
Riese: it sure would
anyhow i think what you’re saying is true and great
i just wish the writing was better
but also i cannot tear myself away i lovehate this show

[…]

Riese: also like
her hair looks way better before the blowouts
Heather: it does for sure

[…]

Laneia: Listen Jean is just a thirsty mommi. That’s all that’s happening here.
Billy Crudup only took this role to troll Mary Louise Parker.

[…]

Riese: oh my DEAR G-D why is jean LYING TO THE POLICE about allison, this woman i swear
Laneia: Wow I super despise Billy Crudup. Did not realize.
Heather: it sneaks up on you
Laneia: This show is fucking banonkers what even
Her dreams are just real nights at lesbian bars
And then she wakes up covered in a man
Wish I didn’t relate so much

[…]

Laneia: Excuse me this is the lesbian Fifty Shades of Grey version of Mad Men.
Billy is wearing a chest shaping tank top.
Nothing about any of this is ok. Save Dolly and Alexis.

[…]

Laneia: Wait I hate this show

[…]

Laneia: billy crudup is so gross how is he still working
Heather: he’s dating naomi watts!
Laneia: which is why he’s so disgusting. all he does is date people he’s working with and he’s so pasty!
Heather: agree, yes!
Laneia: open letter to billy crudup: sir, do you even know the sun?

[…]

Laneia: Oh god _is_ she suicidal??
I HATE TV SHOWS
Riese: ugh i literally woke up wanting to murder Jean AND [redacted]
Heather: well i can tell you where jean is and it’s at the rabbit hole in bushwick ordering the morning drink of all monsters everywhere: decaf espresso
Riese: yeah what the hell is even up with that
she pops klonopin and drinks like a fish but she can’t handle caffeine?
Heather: the way you hate the food on this show delights me to no end. i cannot stop giggling about it!

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Trumpcare Is an Attack on Trans People of Color. Let’s Fight Like Hell Against It. by Neesha

Hello this is extremely fucking good and also very important! Neesha talked to medical professionals and has interview material that does a really fucking good job explaining how the proposed changes to healthcare will impact QTPOC and I need you to read it if you haven’t. Thank you — management

Chelsea Poe’s “Inauthentic Masterpiece” and Earnest Integrity, by Courtney Trouble

I love this kind of piece — part interview, part profile, part meditation on a body of work and a specific moment in time and culture that that work exists in. Also though it’s about Chelsea and Courtney’s friendship, which shines through so beautifully. Read it! You’ll like it I think! I did!

Vivek Shraya’s New Album “Part-Time Woman” Is a Binary-Breaking Love Letter, by Kai Cheng Thom

Kai Cheng is a beautiful and thoughtful writer in general, but I love and appreciate her writing about art in particular because of the way it dives into and engages with complications and contradictions; she never flattens or oversimplifies work in her exploration of it. This makes me so excited about Vivek Shraya’s album and you can too!

The Cast and Crew of “Danger & Eggs” Chat About Their Super Weird, Super Queer Kids Show, by Mey

HEY did y’all already know about the super intensely cute and perfect show Danger & Eggs? News of it may have reached you because, as Mey explains in this piece, it has so many queer and trans characters voiced by actual queer and trans people! If that sounds good to you, and I know that it does, you will undoubtedly be thrilled to know that Mey has spoken with some of these voice actors and creators! Specifically, this is a really cool and fun interview with Shadi Petoski, Jazz Jennings, Tyler Ford, and Jasika Nicole about representation, working with other queer people, and the show itself. Check it out!

Concert Recap: Tegan & Sara “The Con” Tour, Webster Hall, November 2007, by Riese

We published this very recently so it’s possible you have not had the opportunity yet to really mull over how delightful it is and therefore make the decision to click on it, but let me help save you some time on that: it is delightful. Remember 2007 Riese? I do, and my incandescent love for her is only eclipsed by my love for 2017 Riese. “Sometimes being around us is like having front row seats to a kickass comedy show and sometimes it’s like being around two people who talk too much. Either way, we both have cute haircuts.” “I hung up on Vicky because I couldn’t figure out where we were meeting her and I have a very low threshold for phone conversations.” There’s a Kim Stolz cameo? Remember Kim Stolz? We were young once, weren’t we?

Laneia’s Pick of the Month: Sansevieria

Snake plants! Sansevieria! I won’t say “impossible to kill!” because I don’t want to jinx you like that, but listen, I’ve managed to keep this plant alive for a very long time, and I think you can, too. They don’t require a lot of water, so let the soil dry out before you drench it again. It doesn’t even need direct sunlight??! So you can just let it chill against a far wall where indirect/filtered sunlight can get to it. I have mine against a wall where it gets indirect sunlight through an east-facing window (you can see it here) and water it maybe once a month — and I’m in an extremely dry climate, so you might even be able to go longer in a more humid place. Get yourself a snake plant!

Social Media Spotlight

All she wanted to do was play ball and date men, y’all. That’s all she wanted to do.

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/888181237747073024

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/888128761861857280

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/888129280198156293

Oh God I want to vomit

— Adam B (@wa2k_1999) July 21, 2017

Don't straight woman get ridiculed by the gay population in the WNBA? This really isn't news…

— Reid Curtis B (@donkeyfish44) July 20, 2017

. . . See Candice Wiggins.
According to her, she was drummed out of the WNBA.
All she wanted to do was play ball and date men.

— Dan Freeman (@Mulder24) July 21, 2017

Ellen Doesn’t Stuck Up For U

Laneia: stef i spent an embarrassing amount of time last night, after trying a pot lollipop, which btw works faster than pot chocolate, trying to figure out when/if ellen page had said she’d broken up with samantha and finally i was like YOU HAVE TO GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF LANEIA
Stef: i don’t think she said anything!!
i think they were just so boring they forgot they were together
Laneia: so thank you for posting this bc now i feel better that there’s someone in the comments asking “where patters?”
Stef: are people commenting that?
oh in her insta
people ask the most inane questions
Laneia:

“@emmaportner you could be a good dancer but the thing is on as I confirm that you two are together and I would cover it up so the rumors are not true and three impossible because she says that she’s romantic tape and there’s nothing romantic between you two. Ellen doesn’t stuck up for u. Three where patters.”

Stef: omg
ELLEN DOESN’T STUCK UP FOR HER?!?
Laneia: i wish “three where patters” would make its way onto every photo i see for at least the next week
Stef: the saddest thing about celesbian breakups is the lack of dogs on instagram
it’s just true.
i miss angel haze and ireland baldwin’s dog so much but i hate both of them too much to follow them on social media anymore
Laneia: the whole thing is written in the same voice as birds rights activist
Stef: yes!
Laneia: the dogs are the real victims here
Stef: not just where’s patters
HOW IS PATTERS
HOW IS HE TAKING IT
Laneia: poor little guy
Stef: can i make the excerpt on the article “THREE WHERE PATTERS”
Laneia: i’d be upset if you didn’t
Stef: omfg you guys
that kiss picture is outside fucknig cafe gratitude
CAROLYN
what do you think they ordered

XOXO

Team Autostraddle

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