Letter From Your Editors

Hello Friends,

Look at these hot feet!

It’s our annual week-long staff “retreat,” which this year is being held not in Big Bear as per usual but right here in Michigan, where I live. Because we’re being ECONOMICAL.

As I write this, Laneia is asleep on the couch with a Gal Pal hoodie over her head, Heather’s asleep on an air mattress in my office wearing a sleep mask and Yvonne and Rachel are two peas in a mattress-shaped pod in the guest room. Probably the sunlight would wake everybody up but it won’t ’cause there’s these huge pieces of paper covered in story ideas on every window. There’s something terribly wrong with the plumbing in my house, and also with my car, and also with our internet connection? But you know what, at least we’re all in this together!

On Friday night, we hosted a meet-up at the /aut/ bar in Ann Arbor — arranged by our new Business & Design Director Sarah Sarwar — and we all drank too much (especially me) and felt very hopeful about building up our Midwestern presence and having a damn good time. We left the home and socialized! I hope you are as proud of us as we are of ourselves.

I’m going to be very real with you right now that June 2016 was not, I’m guessing, the best month of anybody’s life. Unless it was! In which case, CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you gave birth to a swan, invented a new way to eat pineapples, started recycling or used a cucumber as a dildo after your dog ate your dildo. I hope only good things for you.

Of course the most exciting development here behind the scenes has been the introduction of Sarah Sarwar into our lives. We’ve been working together face-to-face a lot, which has been awesome, and although she had to miss Saturday night’s field trip to The Olive Garden, she has been here all week contributing to our vision and future as well as our assorted hopes and dreams. We can’t wait to show you what we’ve been working on!

We hope you enjoyed the A+ content we cobbled together for you using sticks, berries, and the discarded fabric of our A-Camp tees: A+ Inbox Podcast #8: Magnetic, A+ Inbox Live #9: Who’s Cleaning Up That Whipped Cream?, Have the Coolest Father’s Day With Our Cool Dads, The A+ Bee Issue 39: Bee Cool, Soda Pop and the incredibly exciting and awesome Annotated: Jenny Owen Youngs “Fuck Was I.”

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From May 2016

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. Brianna Hildebrand has a Girlfriend: “Deadpool” Actress is Out On Twitter, NBD, by Heather Hogan
2. Mercedes Successful, Black Trans Woman, Becomes 11th Trans Person Murdered This Year In US, by Mey Rude
3. Kristen Stewart Had A Very Gay 24 Hours, by Stef Schwartz
4. 7 Ways My Nondisabled Friends Get it Right, by Carrie Wade
5. Every Major “Law & Order” Character Ranked In Order Of Lesbianism, by Riese Bernard
6. BREAKING: Alicia Cargile Accompanies Kristen Stewart On Cannes Red Carpet, Carries Her Shoes, by Stef Schwartz
7. Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for May 2016, by Corrina
8. 14 Ways To Really Overdo It At Gay Pride This Year, by Riese Bernard
9. More Than Gal Pals: “Person of Interest” Gives The (Gay) People What They Want, by Heather Hogan
10. NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Happy Just To Dance With You, by Carolyn Yates

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Laneia: Wildfang wants to do a giveaway with us
Heather: oooohhhh
Laneia: From their WEDDING LOOKBOOK
You stfu Wildfang shut UP!
Rachel: All I can imagine is Ellen Page marrying her gf in a structured flannel buttondown, but you know what, that sounds great
Heather: I like to think of Ellen Page getting married like that too
Laneia: Omg with Patters as the ring bearer in a little tie
Heather: !!!!

Rachel: I am only just now opening this You Need Help email we got and processing the fact that this person wrote a full personal essay to us
Riese: No offense to Franklin, Rachel, BUT…
My instinct was, while reading her question about how her boyfriend does not have much patience for feelings, emotional processing, or psychological triggers, “maybe you should date a girl instead”
“She will talk to you about her feelings ALLL DAYYYY”
Rachel: No you’re totally right
Riese: “I was like “hm, it sounds like you’re describing a 22-year-old man. like… any 22-year-old man.”
Rachel: Like as soon as I got to the first graf and she was like “the man I’m dating isn’t good at emotional communication” I was like, well, yeah, that’s sort of how that works
Riese: Yup
Rachel: This is like saying “my Forever 21 flip flops keep falling apart” or “my cat doesn’t come when called”
Riese: Exactly, Rachel
Exactly

Stef: Victory for Mey (or is it)
“It will serve 100 percent angus beef hot dogs in a variety of styles, including Rueben, Gone Hollywood and Boybander, *which will include five mini hot dogs to represent the five former band members of ‘N Sync. *”
*five mini hot dogs to represent the five former band members of ‘N Sync.*
*five mini hot dogs to represent the five former band members of ‘N Sync.*
*five mini hot dogs to represent the five former band members of ‘N Sync.*
that is all
Mey: This is not how I pictured my prom. This is not how I pictured my life

Mey: OMG I’m with my dad at Applebee’s for Father’s Day and there’s a woman two tables away who looks like a soccer mom version of Riese
I wanna take a picture of her so bad but I don’t want to be weird
I did it

Stef: Whoa
Erin: AHHHHH
Mey: I can’t stop looking at her
She’s eating the grilled chicken wonton tacos
Stef: Please keep me updated
Mey: She’s drinking what looks like a milkshake that she keeps pouring beer into?
Update: it’s a root beer float
Stef: But with more beer
Mey: I left the Applebee’s, probably never to see this soccer mom Riese again
Laneia: Aw I hope she liked her tacos, bless her heart

Stef: Jake Gyllenhaal and Rooney Mara Photographed Together In New York
What a funny little couple
Heather: Brokeback 2: Flung From Space
Erin: I like the hat
Stef: It looks like Jake is trying to have a conversation with her about carrying a watermelon
Wait am I the last person to find out about Raya, the dating app only for famous people
We have enough famous friends we could infiltrate this thing right?!!?
Mey: I had a conversation with someone right now
Stef: WAS IT ON RAYA? Or about a watermelon
OR WAS IT BOTH
I don’t know your life
Mey: I wish

[…]

Mey: Oh wait when I typed “I had a conversation with someone right now” I tried typing “I had a conversation with someone about that recently” and I have no idea what happened
Stef: I was just like, happy for you
For having a conversation with someone
Like look at you being social, way to go
Mey: Thank you
Stef: I do hope you pretended to carry a watermelon though
I hear Rooney Mara is really impressed by that

Stef: Nate got a very large scissor tattoo on his forearm
I look forward to him having to explain that for a while
Cee: Not just Nate, a ton of folks did it last weekend
Stef: Yeah he told me
I… when I get a mountain tattoo it will be something else
Maybe a single grain of quinoa
Cee: Hahahaha
Mey: How about a patty made of rice and a few black beans
Stef: A portobello mushroom stuffed with raisins
Mey: Frozen pieces of bread
Stef: This is a sad story

Rachel: An unexpected wrinkle with this Jane Austen thing is that several Jane Austen plots are already very gay-seeming, so much so that it’s kind of hard to find things to tweak in some places
Heather: It’s so true!
Rachel: Also that several plots involve falling in love with and marrying your first cousin
Which is a plot point that hasn’t aged very well
Heather: Or like your Dad’s best friend who practically raised you
MR. KNIGHTLEY
Clueless is much better at Emma than Emma is at Emma, in terms of that main romance
Rachel: A little bit on the nose there with the name, Jane
Heather: Jane Austen hot takes flying in here today!
Rachel: I’m full of them now
Where yesterday I had no interest in Jane Austen hot takes, now they are myriad
Heather: I want to hear them all and store them up in my heart like Mary did when she was pregnant with Jesus and everyone kept telling her The Messiah was in her belly
Rachel: HEATHER
That made me laugh out loud for a good twenty seconds alone in my apartment on this desolate Friday morning
Thank you for that
Heather: You’re welcome it’s the truth

Riese: Also I think you need to watch Go Fish
Erin: How have I not seen any lesbian movie
I guess when I was coming out I did just watch Queer as Folk
Laneia: Oh lord Go Fish
Erin: When I looked it up the description cut off at “a young lesbian who is having trouble”
Very on board as of rn
Riese: Like it was the first lesbian film to really exist in a major way so like we have to respect our elders
but also
It’s horrible
And opens in a Women’s Studies classroom
That is clearly just somebody’s basement
Erin: :heart_eyes::heart_eyes::heart_eyes:
Somebody definitely dies right
Riese: I hope so
I don’t remember
Hopefully a fish dies
Erin: I wish it was Go Phish
Just as a theme
Riese: You should just recap Go Phish, the underrated and underground spin-off of Go Fish
Erin: “It’s 45 minutes long”
Like their songs lol

Rachel: Why do my cats just wake up some days and decide to spend the whole day trying to murder each other
I did not raise them like this
Laneia: have you told them you’ll turn this car around
Rachel: good point

Elicia Sanchez singing at A-Camp 7.0, photo by Molly Adams

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Samantha Green, Writer

Twitter: @SamanthaJGreen
Instagram: @SamanthaJGreen

Rank the Pretty Little Liars in order of gayness
1. Maya St. Germain
2. Emily
3. Ali
4. Spencer
5. Mona
6. Hanna
7. Aria

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
My favorite kind of sandwich is a grilled cheese on Hawaiian sweet bread with a side of bacon.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles!

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on:
I’ve never dated…ever.

What’s your favorite thing on the internet today?
Twitter during anything I live tweet, Google search because everything is there, and Autostraddle of course

Hangs O’Clock

Stef: Someone younger than me is working here tonight and she keeps saying things like ‘woke’ and ‘lit’ but she just said ‘wait a mom’ like, a moment, is that a thing
Mey: No
Stef: Kids today (shakes fist)
I used to hang out with this younger person who bailed on me once and was like ‘total bummer, it was like totally hangs o’clock’
Phoenix and I called them hangs o’clock forever
Wait a mom
Fuck everyone
Maree: Hangs o’clock = genius
Wait a mom = I actually read that as she was talking about a Mom
Maddie: ME TOO, MAREE
Maree: Does this mean we are now Moms basically?
Maddie: Yesterday, in a piece I edited, someone used the term “momager” to describe an overbearing mom
I deleted it
Maree: Momager as a word could be so many better things than that
Mom + dowager, for example
Maddie: Agreed! Then she’s like a mom queen
Totally acceptable
Rachel: i think kris jenner coined it and who are we to oppose her
Maddie: copy editors have all the power
Stef: i saw hangs o’clock last night and they told me a mom(e?) was a real thing
hangs o’clock is 26 now! am i this out of touch?
Erin: Stef if you have enough conf you can shorten any word really
Stef: really trying to live in the mome
Audrey: Wtf is hangs o’clock??
Stef: It is the time for hangs, OBVIOUSLY AUDREY
Audrey: That makes no sense.
I am a traitor of my generation I guess.
Stef: I’m ok with it

What We’ve Been Reading

Laneia: Shrill by Lindy West

Laura: How to Make White People Laugh by Negin Farsad

Gabby: Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz

Erin: Girl Walks Into a Bar… by Rachel Dratch

Rachel: Trauma and Recovery: the Aftermath of Violence by Judith L. Herman

Beth: Living Druidry by Emma Restall Orr

Ali: You Belong To the Universe: Buckminster Fuller and The Future by Jonathon Keats

Carolyn: Romance of the Highways of California – Unusual and Interesting Facts and Stories About the Golden State (from 1946!) by Commander Scott

Alaina: Like the Singing Coming Off the Drums by Sonia Sanchez

Sarah: The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf

Mey: Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen

Maree:The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson

Love You Erin

SLACKERS

Ever wonder how much we really talk about Vapid Fluff behind the scenes? The answer is: a lot, actually. Here are the celebrities we chat about the most, and the exact number of times their name pops up when you search for them in slack.

June Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Junes Riese thinks you might enjoy.

via Kate McKinnon: The Autostraddle Photoshoot (we had to take down most of the interview a few years later b/c she wanted us to but the photoshoot is still there!)

I’m Neither a Butch Nor a Top, by Akwaeke Z Emezi (June 2011) – I love shit about defying traditional expectations based upon one’s gender presentation.

15 Awesomely Named Yet Totally Defunct Lesbian Bars of America, by Riese (2012) – So sad I never made it to “Hot Legs” in its day.

How Do We Solve A Problem Like “Queerbaiting?” by Rose (2013) – I hope one day this post will seem totally outdated but you know what, today is not that day.

And Now, Every Character Of “Orange is The New Black” As They Appear On “Law and Order” by Stef (2014) – It would be fun to play a game called “what could we add to this now.” Who wants to play, okay I’ll go first: Abigail Savage (Gina) was in that epic two-part episode of Law & Order SVU “Unholiest Alliance” and “Manhattan Transfer,” both in 2016.

Top 9 Cures We’ve Found For Chronic Yeast Infections, by The Team (2015) – Just being servicey in case you missed it, y’all.

MOTHER MAY I WATCH YOU SLEEP WITH DANGER

Heather: Does anyone want to write about Lifetime’s Mother May I Sleep With Danger remake that is airing tomorrow night?
Riese: Stef, I feel like this is your wheelhouse
Stef: Like, so much, but I do not have television
and also I am going to see The Cure
which is my destiny
Heather: ooooohhhhh
Stef: If you never hear from me again it will be because I evaporated but I look forward to downloading and watching it later :disappointed:
Stef: I’m so sad, this is literally my dream assignment
Riese: I know
I’m sad too
Stef: But Robert Smith. I’m sorry I must
For my people
Riese: Erin?
Erin: Also do not have cable!
Riese: AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH CABLE
Heather you have cable right
Heather: One hundred and eighty dollars a month’s worth
Stef: I’m so jealous Riese I want to watch it so bad
Riese: Just come over and watch it
Stef: Literally my dream is to watch this movie with you and Heather and Erin
and Abby I guess, Abby can come too
and Tori Spelling in the other room making us popcorn
Erin: “Girls you okay in there”
Stef: “I’m running out to the garage, does anybody need another beer?”
Wait no that’s Scream
Don’t do that Tori
“I’LL BE RIGHT BAAAAACK”
Riese: I just want everyone to come over.
Erin: Scream still terrifies me plz respect that
Riese: Neve Campbell
That is all
Mey: “My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me”
Erin: LILLARD
Stef: Neve Campbell is obvs gay in that movie anyway
Was it Mey I was talking to about this at length
When she’s telling Billy why they aren’t having sex yet and she’s like standing directly in front of her Indigo Girls poster
Mey: Yeah!
Dang, if I wasn’t already busy watching all of OITNB today I’d watch scream
Stef: Same, same
our best friend Rose McGowan is so good in that movie
Mey: Terrific!
Stef: Autostraddle’s #1 fan
Also I can’t believe we just dropped an opportunity to “I Wanna Come Over” at you, Riese
I’m turning in my card

Update: We made the official call that it was okay to wait for the movie to show up online in order to get the expert input of Erin and Stef. You can read the result in all its glory here.

ALUMNI NEWSLETTER

Carly Usdin, TV Editor, 2009

via Carly on Insta

What are you doing without us?
I directed a movie! It’s called Suicide Kale. Brittani Nichols wrote it and stars in it, along with Jasika Nicole, Lindsay Hicks and Brianna Baker, and Robin Roemer shot it. We’re really proud of it because we shot it ourselves for no money and it’s playing at a bunch of festivals this summer and fall.

What do you miss the most about us?
REPLY ALL EMAILS

Would you invite us to your wedding, yes or no?
Well I got married over 3 years ago so I guess first I’d need a time machine?

Keep up with Suicide Kale on Insta, and go to a screening near you!

Nikki, Megan, Rachel & Yvonne at A-Camp

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Queer Latinxs Share Love, Rage, Sadness and Strength for Our Family Lost in Orlando, curated by Mey

Many of you have already read this, but if you haven’t, I would really very strongly encourage you to! The voices of queer Latinx people in our community are crucial and necessary, and deserve space and respect.

10 Popsicle Molds that Promise an Adorable Tasty Summer, by Heather

Just feel like this got slept on a little bit.

6 Queer and Trans Trailblazers who Made Political History, by Carmen

I feel like I know a lot about queer history, more than the average person, really, and yet still this post and others like it manage to teach me so much! I did not know about these amazing and world-changing people, but now I do, and so can you!

A Road Trip With Your Father in Honor of his 74th Birthday in Playlist Form, by Aisha

Hi I’m really not trying to be weird but if you don’t read this I’m going to drive to your house and stay in your kitchen, drinking all your coffee and eating your pretzel chips, in protest, until you do. Seriously, because I care about you, and your life is gonna be worse if you don’t read this.

Straddler Nation: Safer Spaces, by various Straddlers, curated by Claire

What’s a safe space? Do they really even exist? If so, how do you make one? Several very smart and cool people who have been working hard on trying to make that idea a reality discuss! You’ll wanna read it!

Heather’s Pick of the Month

Last summer was the season of goses and sour beers. This summer it’s all about fruity IPAs, which, I confess, is a welcome relief to me because fruity IPAs deliver on hops as well as sweetness, so it’s still like you’re still drinking a beer and not some kind of wine cooler in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart five miles from your rural college campus. Or whatever y’all did when you were 20. There are plenty of fruity IPAs to choose from right now, but what you need in your life is Ballast Point. It’s one of my favorite breweries all the time, but they are extra-crushing it this summer. There’s the Pineapple Sculpin IPA, the Double IPA with Watermelon, and my personal favorite, the Mango Even Keel, which is a session IPA you can drink aaaaallll day on the beach. (I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve heard rumor that they’re doing a habanero pepper IPA. Spicy beers are my favorite, so I’m keeping my eyes open for that one!)

Social Media Spotlight

When I (this is Heather) first met Mey Rude, she said to me, “Eh, I don’t really use Twitter that much.” But now, my friends, she is one of the all-time best follows on Twitter. She went from not using it to owning it, and so I am honoring some of her best tweets this month.

Don't worry guys, I'm sitting on four zootopia tweets that I'm saving for higher traffic times

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 19, 2016

Honestly, I feel like straight men shouldn't be allowed to use the 🍑 emoji

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 20, 2016

also remember when this happened and it was like, the gayest thing ever? what innocents we were. pic.twitter.com/g6znFigqei

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 11, 2016

just accidentally dripped pickle juice on my boob. is this the sexiest i've ever been?

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 12, 2016

I just left therapy and they're playing Carly Rae Jepsen in the waiting room. Lesbian Jesus is reminding me she loves her queer children

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 13, 2016

finding dory better not steal an oscar from my perfect child zootopia

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 20, 2016

I tried to type the word "friends" today and my phone autocorrected it to "furries"

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 14, 2016

About to get paid to pretend I'm a trans patient for some medical interns!!! pic.twitter.com/dsJCbflyOP

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 16, 2016

If anyone has any tips on how to act like I'm a trans woman for these doctors, I'd really love the advice. I don't know what I'm doing.

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 16, 2016

In the Doctor's office now! I don't think they've figured out I'm cis yet pic.twitter.com/hjBCKgaTGf

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 16, 2016

which was weirder?

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 27, 2016

Found this transgender pride hat at a gas station in Baker pic.twitter.com/9zhjTdBjH5

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) July 2, 2016

.@autostraddle @hhoagie GUESS WHICH ONE OF US TWEETS THINGS FROM THE OFFICIAL AS ACCOUNT. HINT: IT SURE AS HECK AINT ME!!!!

— Mey “is this real” Rude (@meyrude) June 29, 2016

I concede! Mey won the hot dog challenge, proving unequivocally that hot dogs are the best 4th of July food.

Pictures From Our Past Few Days in Michigan!

I’m With Her

Mey: I had a dream last night that you, Maddie and also Cecelia were also running for the democratic nomination and neither of you had dropped out yet, and Maddie won in Maine and Cecelia won in Colorado and both of you were trying to get me to give your concession speech bc neither of you wanted to do it
Maddie: You know, if I could swap that with reality, I would
Mey: It was a pretty stressful situation for me
Also I don’t know why it was Maine and Colorado, I think in my dream those are the states you were from?
KaeLyn: Maddie would do so well in Maine
Maddie: I practically already have LLBean’s endorsement
Cecelia: I feel like winking Colorado would be accurate for me
winning** but my campaigning would center heavily around winking

Mey: I feel like winking would help you win a lot of votes
Stef: :wink:
Maddie: I’m against winking, so it’s good we already have the lines drawn around our main demographics
Raquel: “I’m so torn, maddie has these perfect duck boots, but Cecelia winked at me and well…”
Maddie: My duck boots ARE perfect
I have had them for like six years
Stef: Change I can believe in
Raquel: I KNEW IT
Cecelia: Honestly would prefer this situation to actual election
Stef: This is the most excited i’ve been about politics in ages

XOXO

Team Autostraddle

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