Welcome to Interviews With My Ex-Girlfriend, in which Autostraddle writers get back in touch with their ex-girlfriends to ask them Five Simple Questions:
- How long did we date?
- Why did we break up?
- What did you learn from our relationship?
- What do you miss most about me?
- Would you invite me to your wedding (why/why not)?
Dannielle: Before we start… are you wearing three shirts?
Pate: I’m wearing four if you include the jean jacket. It’s cold here!
Dannielle: I’m in Los Angeles where it’s always perfect. Okay. First question: how long did we date?
Pate: We were together for approximately two years I think? Is that wrong?
Dannielle: I always say a year and a half.
Pate: It was from 2007 to 2009.
Dannielle: Oh my God, you’re totally right. Yeah. Holy shit, we dated for so long! Aww, that’s so sweet.
Pate: It is sweet. But you were gone most of the time!
Dannielle: Yeah, I know. But then you moved to Chicago and so we broke up. Okay: why did we break up?
Pate: I just remember I moved to Chicago, I stayed with you for a little bit, and we drove each other insane.
Dannielle: Yes.
Pate: And you were sick and you didn’t want to go away. And I was like: “why?” I was being such a Cancer. And then, I don’t know. We just weren’t getting along. Just little fights. And I remember when you came over and we were like, “yeah, we should probably break up.”
Dannielle: I remember you were out of town and when I was watching your house I accidentally killed one of your plants. I feel like that was a turning point.
Pate: Oh, I don’t remember that. A turning point for you or me?
Dannielle: I don’t remember. I just know that was one of my last memories. Fuck, okay, so we broke up for no reason.
Pate: We were fighting.
Dannielle: Yeah, we were fighting. We were children. Okay, here comes my favorite question. What do you miss most about me?
Pate: Oh, I mean. Definitely your humor, or whatever. That you’re funny.
Dannielle: Thank you.
Pate: You’re welcome! Do I get to hear that too, or no?
Dannielle: You want me to say what I miss most about you? Okay. I feel like you were pretty funny. I feel like we were pretty good about being funny together.
Pate: Yeah.
Dannielle: Also you listened to really good music!
Pate: Well, we both appreciated pop music.
Dannielle: That’s true.
Pate: I don’t know that most people would say that I listen to good music. But I listen to good pop music.
Dannielle: Yeah, there we go! Okay, what about our relationships impacted your later relationships?
Pate: Well I learned that I was frustrated or angry and I wasn’t expressing it. I remember feeling like, “there’s something not quite right here.” And not quite addressing it then, but that was the point that I started to figure it out.
Dannielle: I think it’s kind of the same for me. I hadn’t ever really fought in a relationship before. I wasn’t really good at expressing my emotions or saying anything. Because we fought constantly over everything, I eventually had to learn how to say why I was upset about stuff. Also do you remember the time I threw my phone against a wall?
Pate: No.
Dannielle: Cool.
Pate: If you hadn’t said that I would have been like: “I was the angry one, Dannielle was very calm.” But now I feel great!
Dannielle: I think you were just better at saying when you were angry, which was often.
Pate: Yeah- no. I’m good at saying my feelings, I’m just not always as good at dealing with them.
Dannielle: I’m so much better at dealing with my feelings now. And talking about them instead of just running away.
Pate: Right. Libra is grown up.
Dannielle: Cancer is grown up! Look at you. You’re not letting your feelings take over.
Pate: Well, you know. Just today.
Dannielle: That’s so sweet. Last question: would you, at this juncture, invite me to your wedding? Why or why not?
Pate: Oh, yeah. I mean, I would want to invite you to my wedding and then I would worry if that would offend you in some way. I don’t know, I’ve heard of people who would be offended that their ex invited them to their wedding. But I would totally want you to be there! It would be fun to have you dance! Most people are terrified to dance.
Dannielle: Well, that’s it. I wish we had better memories! Oh wait, I remember, I wasn’t out of the closet when I worked at my job in Charleston, but I had a keychain from you that said “stud muffin.” And someone was like, “what is this keychain?” And I was like, “my girlfriend gave it to me!” And that is how I came out at Poe’s Tavern, so.
Pate: You’re the first and only one to come out at Poe’s Tavern.
Dannielle: Yeah, probably.
Pate: You were probably just feeling the weight of that, you know?
Dannielle: I was. I mean you can’t just have a keychain that says “stud muffin” and not admit that you have a girlfriend, you know. I could have lied, but I wanted to be honest and open with my identity.
Pate: There you go.
Dannielle: And then it all worked out because then we all went to the fair together, remember?
Pate: Yeah.
Dannielle: That’s it, that’s the whole interview.
Pate: By the way, I was looking up your website and I Googled your name. You’ve done this, right? There are just so many baby gays that are searching about you. The drop-down list was insane.
Dannielle: Oh, really?
Pate: Yeah! I was trying to find your website and it was like “Who is Dannielle Owens-Reid dating?” and stuff about where you were from. It’s crazy.
Dannielle: Wow. I didn’t know that.
Pate: You’re mad famous.
Dannielle: Cool. It feels good to be so famous.
Pate: Super famous.
Dannielle: Super famous.
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