Hello there doe-eyed friend, this post isn’t safe for work, unless you work from home on your sofa in some cutoffs eating yogurt that’s four days beyond its purported “best by” date, like some of us. Moving on, do you have sex? What kind of sex do you have? What kind of sex are you talking about today? Today we’re talking about this kind of sex. This is our story.
Autostraddle Office Email, 1:05 PM
Hannah: Was going to suggest that we talk about the booby bouncy castle at the Museum of Sex until I realized it was already linked in NSFW Sunday. However, due to my proximity to said bouncy castle, I am still probably gonna go jump around in a room full of inflated boobies. If anybody wants to hear about it, I will likely want to talk about it.
Elena: I am jealous of your proximity to MoSex. I had a friend bring me back a tube of the Helmut Newton lipstick.
Riese: I have learned a lot of really neat-o things at the Museum of Sex, like for example sploshing.
Hannah: Googling sploshing.
Mari: It sounds like a recipe for yeast infections for days.
Hansen:Â Wait, what? I can’t believe you’re all weirded out about food + sex, which is a magical pairing. It’s not like you’re putting peanut butter in a vagina like a goddamn Kong dog toy.
Laura M: I’m having flashbacks to that unfortunate scene with Boo and the dog. OITNB PTSD.
Riese: Sploshing isn’t just about food, it’s more complicated than that.
Hannah:Â Â As a concept, it’s totally not strange, but I have strong feelings about sticky stuff like syrup and tape. Â That said, I will eat peanut butter off of pretty much anything.
Stef: I dated this dominatrix for a weirdly long time and I became 100% fascinated with the break room at the dungeon where she worked because they seemed to just like, hang out and watch Rob Zombie movies and read People magazine in there like it was a teachers’ lounge, and they instagrammed a lot of pictures of this girl who came back from a sploshing session and it looked like she’d been caked in flour somehow? They thought this was the funniest thing. So yeah I have some questions about sploshing, mostly about cleaning products.
Helen: Maybe we should follow Cosmo’s lead and do “28 Lesbian Sex Positions: For When You Want To Splosh In Physically Unhelpful Poses”
We had some questions. Is sploshing more complicated than just food? Who cleans up afterward? We asked Stef, resident cartoonist (and sex-haver) (though not necessarily of the sploshing variety), to weigh in.
Interesting. I once employed some fruit during sex and it was the worst idea either of us has ever had, but I’m not sure that counts as sploshing.
According to the Urban Dictionary, sploshing is:
the act of placing food on another person, and usually eating it off of them, for pleasure. A full-bodied food fetish. Commonly used in present participal form sploshing. Can also be used as a noun splosh.
Have you sploshed? What’s it like? Do you frequent “wet and messy” forums and talk about cake batter? Do you relate to this person? If you haven’t sploshed but might like to, we can also talk about that. I hear vanilla cake batter is the way to go, but what’s stopping you from trying lemon? I mean really.
