Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Brittny

Welcome to Interviews With My Ex-Girlfriend, in which Autostraddle writers get back in touch with their ex-girlfriends to ask them Five Simple Questions:

How long did we date?
Why did we break up?
What did you learn from our relationship?
What do you miss most about me?
Would you invite me to your wedding (why/why not)?

I met Brittny through mutual friends in 2009. My first girlfriend, who I dated for two years, had just broken up with me and I was rebounding with her male coworker to try to make her jealous (as you do). Brit and I met at a house party and I liked her immediately. She was outspoken and smart and really attractive, but was dating someone! In typical gay fashion, we pined over each other for a bit (Brit even recorded a vlog about her crush on me). Her and her boyfriend broke up and we finally confessed our feelings and a relationship was born! We accomplished a lot in the few months we were together, mostly reading Autostraddle articles, making dresses together, getting kicked out of gay bars and watching The L Word.

“sometimes i just want to be gay with you, and watch the l word and listen to tegan and sara and read autostraddle and go to revolution and dance to peaches… you know!?”
-IM from Brit, 2009

Brit was an integral piece of helping me really understand and accept my sexuality, and to this day she remains a really great friend. I’m really lucky to have her in my life, and glad we were able to overcome things and get to this point. Here is our interview!

Chelsey: Hi!

Brit: Hi. Am I being recorded right now?

Chelsey: You are. We have 19 minutes.

Brit: Awesome.

Chelsey: I can call you back after the 19 minutes if you want to actually talk. You know, not for a website, but…

Brit: Right.

Chelsey: Are you ready?

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Brit: I’m ready as I’ll ever be.

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Chelsey: Okay. How long were we together and when?

Brit: Um, let’s see. I feel like it was a couple months.

Chelsey: Okay…

Brit: Um, and it was in 2009… is that right? Was it 2009?

Chelsey: I think so. Wasn’t it? It was five years ago.

Brit: Okay. So three or four months in 2009.

Chelsey: Yea. I’d say. I’m glad we worked that out.

[Brit laughs]

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Chelsey: Why did we break up to the best of your recollection?

Brit: Hmmm. I got pregnant… by a man.

Chelsey: Yes. Should we mention you were dating said man right before we got together?

Brit: It was an on and off, you know, situation. But yeah, I guess the reason we broke up was because I got knocked up. That’s a good reason…

Chelsey: That’s a pretty good reason.

Brit: I don’t think it was that exactly, but I think it was that and I was going to move back to Maryland. Like a number of things. It was bad timing, I guess.

Chelsey: I think it’s a pretty good reason to break up with somebody. Moving and getting knocked up. I couldn’t really get mad about it.

Brit: Right.

Chelsey: Okay, next question. What do you miss most about me?

Brit: What do I miss the most? I think I miss just hanging out and absolutely doing nothing. Being so comfortable. Like just, like being around you.

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Chelsey: Awww. I miss being around you! You’re so far away.

Brit: Aw. It’s just I can’t… You know, it’s one thing if you can keep in contact with somebody from long distance, but actually being able to hang out with them, it’s completely different. I miss being able to actually be around you physically.

Chelsey: I feel the same. Okay, next! What about our relationship impacted your later relationships?

BRIT: I feel like it made me want to be more comfortable with people. I feel like it made me not want to have like a superficial relationship with somebody. I felt like with you I was myself and very comfortable and I didn’t have to fake anything with you. So I feel like when I met new people after us that I really had to make sure that, there was no like “trying to impress somebody,” there was no “trying to hide things,” or “pretending I was interested in something I wasn’t,” I wanted to just be myself with people.

Chelsey: Okay. That’s a good answer. I’m glad!

Brit: I really want to get across the answer to this question. It’s two things really. I was with you initially because I could be myself around you which is so important, but also it was the more difficult route to try and be with you — but sometimes it’s okay to make yourself do the difficult thing in life because in the end it ends up being a good decision. I learned that from our relationship. I’m so glad I’ve had you in my life and still have you in my life to this day.

Chelsey: I am too, for sure. I think we had a definitely uphill, and then obviously downhill battle, but I really learned from our thing that there can be struggles but it doesn’t mean that’s the end, that you can work through them and sometimes the difficult things yield the best and most amazing things. Like our friendship!

Chelsey: Okay, the last question. Would you, at this juncture, invite me to your wedding? Why or why not?

Brit: I totally would. Because, this is funny, but I told Michael that I was doing this with you, that you had asked me to do this interview with you. And I was like “Does that make you uncomfortable at all?” is what I asked him, and he said “Well, you know, if you’re gonna”…I didn’t know what the interview was about at this time, and he was like “Well, if the interview has to do with, you know, a sexual aspect of your relationship, that may make me feel a little uncomfortable, but if not, then it wouldn’t.” He said, “I’ve never met Chelsey in person, but she seems so wonderful,” like how I talk about you, I guess. And, so, I would. ‘Cause I guess, you know, if the person I was going to marry was Michael, then he thinks that you’re lovely, and would want to see you.

Chelsey: Awww. I think Michael’s lovely and I want to meet him. Not via Facetime.