feature image by eladministrador via deviantart

Crowdsourced from Team Autostraddle. Share your own in the comments.

1. “You’re like my little fetus.”

2. “See, I told you your boobs were bigger than mine.”

3. “Hepatitis.”
(in a “husky voice”)

4. “Write to me, Stick Stickly, PO Box 963, New York City, New York State, 10108.”

5. “Are you crying?”
(Twice.)

6. “I think your cat’s on the bed.”
“Oh, don’t worry. He watches me masturbate all the time.”

7. “I’m A LADY!”
(in a British accent)

8. “It’s OK, the cat’s inside the bed.”

9. “Come up here and kiss me because I have to fart.”

10. “Have you gotten that mole checked out?”

11. “I feel like I should be saying something sexy right now, but all I can think of are dinosaur facts.”

12. “You’re standing on my hair.”

13. “CIRCLES, PAPI!”

14. “Are we still doing the thing where we pretend like you’re a top”

15. “Womp WOMP.”

16. “I think the problem here is that you’re gay.”