16 Food-Related Euphemisms For “Female Masturbation”

May is National Masturbation Month! In celebration, here are sixteen ways to talk about doing you for when you want to pretend you’re not talking about doing you and would rather just talk about food.

1. cooking cucumbers
2. fondling the fig
3. polishing your peanut
4. spearing the bearded clam
5. stirring the honey pot
6. getting a bit of Southern Comfort
7. rolling the dough
8. shucking the oyster
9. basting the tuna
10. clouting your cookie
11. buttering your muffin
12. making soup
13. teasing the tuna taco
14. softening the peach
15. tossing the pink salad
16. slicing pie

Found in Outbursts!: A Gay and Lesbian Erotic Thesaurus, by A.D. Peterkin, and on Reddit.

Feature image via Shutterstock.

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