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You are normal and things are going to be okay. It feels like no one has ever been in the position you’re in. No one else has ever felt like this before, or felt this strongly or this deeply or this true. Everything is amazing or everything is terrible or every day is a deep grey wasteland broken only by the occasional urge to pee. Maybe your world is turning upside down or maybe it’s been so long since your world turned upside down that you wonder whether or not it even still can, or maybe you want to turn your own world upside down and you’re wondering whether or not you have the strength or will or confidence or cockiness or bank account or haircut or drive you need to do it. Maybe you’re wondering what’s going to happen next, and you’re excited for it but there’s a “but,” or you’re afraid of it but there’s a “but,” or maybe the things you want to happen next involve a really great butt and that’s making it hard to think straight.
How do you talk to this person you like even though they’re so hot it’s scary? You talk to them. By not talking to them, the only thing you get is the idea of what it might be like if you ever talked to them. This is fine, if it’s all you want. But it’s not all you want or you wouldn’t have sent those words spiralling out into our ask box. So, just talk to them. Send them an email or a text or best of all go right up to them with your face because the only thing worse than feeling temporarily self-conscious for a few minutes is living with regret forever. If they say no, be respectful. They might not say no, however.
How do you get over feeling temporarily self-conscious for a few minutes so you can avoid living with regret forever? Remember that you are awesome. Really awesome. If you don’t think you’re awesome it doesn’t matter shit what anyone else thinks of you because you’re never going to believe them anyway, but let me implant the idea in your brain parts: you are awesome. This is going to be fine. Everything you’re feeling is normal.
How do you know you like someone, I mean “like” like someone, for real? Think of never seeing them again. How does that feel. Does your heart fill with an ache that makes you want to weep? Are you glad? Do you just want a grilled cheese sandwich and maybe a nap? Observe your first reaction, and then look into your heart, and know your feelings to be true.
How do you tell this person who you like or who you are dating or who you want to date or who is your platonic roommate you do or do not have sex with sometimes that you would like to date them or sleep with them or make out with them, with or without feelings? You open your mouth or your hands or your email or your mutual communicative app of choice and you tell them. (You should never fuck your roommates if you can help it, but you should accept that your roommate’s hotness is something you cannot change and something you might be powerless against.)
Do you want to leave your girlfriend/partner/significant other/etc. and you’re scared you’re never going to find anyone else? You will find someone else. If you are asking this question — whether it’s okay to leave — you are already looking towards the door, and you should stop being afraid to go through it. I promise, there are other people on the other side of that door.
Figuring out what you want within yourself and then using clear, direct words to communicate that to another person is probably one of the scariest things you can do but it’s also the most important. All this stuff you’re wondering about is stuff you already, in your heart, know the answer to. No one can do the work for you but you.
