And I think it’s important that Wynonna said “bisexual angel” here. Because no one has said bisexual out loud on the show about Waverly yet, even though Dominique Provost-Chalkley has said it plenty off-screen. Because the only times her sexuality was referenced specifically was a) Willa, who grew up in isolation and then in a cult and also didn’t know Waverly at all, b) Mercedes, who doesn’t know Waverly all that well either, c) Alternate Reality Waverly who didn’t really know what was happening to her feelings, all she knew was that she was into the redhead in the barn with her, d) Mama Earp who certainly didn’t take the time to sit down with Waverly and discuss the nuances of her sexuality. So it’s nice to have someone say bisexual, and if it couldn’t be Waverly (she’s a little busy), it had to be Wynonna. It’s of course something they’ve talked about, it’s of course something her sister would know. I know it’s such a small moment but it felt important and I enjoyed it.

And anyway, Nicole is pissed that Wynonna would even say that. Wynonna doesn’t get to decide who matters here, who would or would not have been able to go after Waverly. Wynonna begs for forgiveness but Haught just rolls her eyes. Wynonna tells them that finding another door into the Garden might be their only shot of getting Waverly back. Nicole remembers her tarot reading and agrees to go with Wynonna, but she’ll be the one calling the shots.

Who’s your daddy?

Nicole says all Wynonna has to do is wield her magic gun and Wynonna is too nervous to piss Haught off again so she zips her lips about her distinct lack of Peacemaker.

Up in the Garden, Waverly and Doc are having a hard time finding a way out, but they do find Julian’s throne. Waverly inherently knows it’s her birthright and wants to sit on it, but Doc stops her and she snaps out of it. They decide to leave the chair-that-could-turn-Waverly-to-stone in their wake and instead go down into a bunker of sorts, where they find a man covered in blood and looking a little worse for wear.

“Why do you look like you’ve been entering a sequence of numbers every 108 minutes for years?”

The man rambles about keeping “it” fed with fresh human blood and when Waverly asks how they can get home, he says there’s only one way out and lops his own head off. Doc tells Waverly to use her powers to bring him back to life so they can ask him more questions but she doesn’t have her Speak with Dead spell prepared so instead they buy themselves some time by squeezing his blood into the stone machine that’s whirring angrily.

When Haught and Wynonna get to Monument, Nicole is getting furiouser and furiouser as more pieces of what Wynonna has and has not told her fall into place.

Nicole has had enough and I am living for it.

While they’re sneaking into the Black Badge facility, Wynonna points out that there’s something Nicole hasn’t technically told HER yet, and asks about the ring situation.

Take your time answering, it’s not like we’ve spent the past two years debating as a fandom whether or not it was even a proposal or anything.

Nicole admits that Waverly proposed, and says she didn’t get to answer because of a little thing called Wynonna Interruptus. (Yet another wink.) Nicole won’t tell Wynonna her answer before she tells Waverly, and also they’re being shot at, so they’ll have to table that conversation.

Up in the Garden, after a little bit of a vamp out situation while squeezing the dead body, Waverly finds Doc sitting by the fire, having collected himself. He’s feeling all turned around, also he’s not even sure if he made this fire. Waverly says she wants to rest in a way that makes me feel like probably they shouldn’t close their eyes.

“Stay awake, don’t rest your head.”

Doc wants to atone first but Waverly says they’ve all done bad things. She says they’re going to get back to them. Them. Haught and Earp. Nicole and Wynonna. Right? They’re starting to forget. Doc falls asleep to the sound of Waverly trying to hold onto what Nicole looks like.

Wynonna and Nicole are still kind of fighting but still manage to team up to stop the person shooting at them. Nicole snarks again about being drugged by her best friend, and Wynonna can’t even quip back because she’s touched. She’s never had a best friend before. Nicole can’t even be annoyed with her anymore, because she meant it. Wynonna IS her best friend.

“I couldn’t hate you this much if I didn’t love you more.”

Nicole and Wynonna quickly learn that the person shooting at them had been a teenage girl holding Valdez’s ID badge. As soon as she comes to, she meets them sass for sass and Nicole proves once again she’s not as good with teenage girls as she thinks she is. They eventually get it out of her that Gloria Valdez is her mother, but she doesn’t know where her mother is. Since Wynonna knows a thing or two about moms bailing, Valdez introduces herself as Rachel and agrees to help them find the information they’re looking for.

Hello Little Valdez! Pleasure to finally meet you!

After an unknown amount of time passes, Waverly leaves the still-sleeping Doc and wanders off on her own. The whirring stone machine wants more blood but the body they bled is “jerky” now (not a great sign re: the passing of time.) so she gives it a little of her own blood, hoping a little angel blood will go a long way. As soon as she does that, lily pads appear in the water and she hears a voice whisper her name. She follows the voice through a door, all by her lonesome.

In the Black Badge building, Wynonna, Nicole, and Rachel are bonding about how Dolls saved them all and it’s clear she’s been through some shit but is a tough cookie.

Adorable little cheese!!

Eventually they get to a point where Rachel tells them they have to be quiet going forward, a foreign concept to Wynonna.

What is this “quiet” you speak of?

Through her door, Waverly finds a bag and some books on a pedestal. Carved into the stone is, “Choose one, choose wisely,” and there are four books there: Wynonna Earp, Doc Holliday, Waverly Gibson, and Nicole Haught. Which is interesting, that it says Waverly Gibson but not John Henry Holliday, which makes me wonder if these names are how Waverly thinks of these people vs their legal names according to whatever Powers that Be. Anyway, we don’t get to see what book(s) she picks before she heads off again.

She decided awfully fast. I would still be standing there.

The BBD trio find a lab of bodies and realize that Black Badge gassed their own employees, and Rachel says she doesn’t see her mom among the bodies. Wynonna, ignoring Rachel’s orders, throws a beaver blaster to try to get in the lab, and the scientists all wake up and start lumbering toward them. Zombies.

Ruh roh.

They start running and shooting and Wynonna “Sure Yeah I Have Peacemaker” Earp asks why Rachel failed to mentioned the LIVING DEAD and Rachel says that she needed their help and was afraid they wouldn’t help her if they knew there were zombies. How was she supposed to know they were from Canada’s answer to Sunnydale?

The girls get separated while fighting like champs (Rachel swinging around a baseball bad with deadly precision that would make Harley Quinn proud) and Wynonna accidentally steps on a gate that Rachel specifically warned her about. Nicole says it’s her turn to save the day and shoves Wynonna out of the way, falling down the hole herself. Wynonna screams after her that if Nicole dies she’ll kill her, a threat I’ve yelled at my friends before, and even though she’s trying to quip, you can see desperation in her voice. She’s never had a best friend before, and she’s not ready to lose her.

Not to mention how much it would hurt her baby sister.

Back in the Garden, Doc wakes up and realizes there are trees and flowers blooming and thinks perhaps his angel companion has something to do with it. He hears someone calling out so he heads toward the sound and is surprised to find Nicole Haught with a season one french braid saying, “Hello!” like a freshly activated Westworld host, a friendly smile on her face but no recognition in her eyes. Oh, and also no clothes.

Doesn’t look like anything to me.

The end! We did it! We’re back! It’s happening! They really hit the ground running and having 312 and 401 in the same day, I can confirm that they really did pick up right where they left off. They might have had to take a 2-year hiatus, but they didn’t lose any of the energy, heart, or magic. And it feels SO good to be back. Even if everything feels a little desperate and scary with our friends all so far from each other in space and time.

Next week, the fight to get Waverly back continues, and it looks like it might be harder than just finding her.

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