I am, of course, familiar with the song “Kitty Kat.” It was released in 2006 with the rest of B’Day, and is okay, but really at that point in the album you’re just sort of waiting for “Upgrade U.” At least that was what I thought until I saw the video about six minutes ago.

How could I possibly have been prepared for any of this?

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Hello it is me, sexy jungle cat Beyoncé. I will dance and then store your body in a tree to eat later
I WILL MAKE YOU MINE
I will make you mine
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This cat is four seconds away from pouncing on and then eating me and then coughing me back up on top of your pillow
I hope you weren't planning to crochet a cute infinity scarf out of this
I hope you weren’t planning to crochet a cute infinity scarf out of this
I will ride you over the Pyrenees to conquer Italy
I will ride you over the Pyrenees to conquer Italy

Which is the greater fashion idol, sexy jungle cat Beyoncé or her enormous cat ally? Is the cat’s collar actually a chunky belt? If this video were longer than 57 seconds, would I actually physically die? I have a lot of questions.