So Which Is Gayer, “Ghostbusters” or “A League of Their Own”?
Whether or not Sony knew just how much the Ghostbusters reboot was going be championed as a movie about queer romance and friendship, we have certainly taken it there. We do this often as a community – taking seemingly generic family films and bending them into something we can recognize – because if the best we’re going to get in terms of mainstream representation is subtext, y’all better believe we’re running with it! And if people are confused as to how we’re able to weave in these queer backstories and theories with such conviction, the answer is simple: we’ve had decades of practice.
We cut our teeth on movies like Young Man and A Horn, All About Eve, and Fried Green Tomatoes, but never had we been put to work quite like we were with A League of Their Own. Admittedly, the undertones in this film starring Geena Davis, Orange is the New Black‘s Lori Petty, Rosie O’Donnell, and Madonna about the formation of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League that was to replace Major League Baseball while the men were away in WWII was lost on me as a child. Thankfully here in America, TBS has been airing it on loop four months out of every year since it came out in 1992, so I’ve gotten to watch the film’s nuances unfold in real time.
Now that Ghostbusters has proven itself worthy of this esteemed tradition almost 25 years after we initiated A League of Their Own, it begs the question: which is gayer?
Plot
Ghostbusters: Four friends set out to save New York City from an impending ghost invasion.
A League of Their Own: Women from all over the country come together to create the nation’s first professional women’s baseball league.
I mean.
Victor: A League of Their Own
Stars
Ghostbusters: Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones
A League of Their Own: Geena Davis, Lori Petty, Rosie O’Donnell, Madonna
Again, this one is a bit unfair. Kate McKinnon certainly pulls her weight, but Geena Davis has been many a queer woman’s root, Lori Petty was Tank Girl, Rosie is Rosie, and Madonna is Madonna.
Victor: A League of Their Own
Characters
Ghostbusters:
Abby (Melissa) – Abby seems tentatively gay in a way where she doesn’t actively date women but she does sign up for OKCupid a couple of times a year for a week to browse women’s profiles before deleting her account without messaging anyone.
Erin (Kristen) – The way Erin swoons over their assistant, Kevin, is sort of classic straight girl, but because Kevin is the human equivalent of a golden retriever, that doubles back as gay.
Holtzmann (Kate) – Is Holtzmann.
Patty (Leslie) – Quite frankly Patty seems down for whatever.
A League of Their Own:
Dottie (Geena) – Even though Dottie’s married we know she’s gay because her husband, Bob/Bill Pullman, has the least sexually threatening presence on earth and that’s 101 Don’t Know I’m Gay Yet. (Also I know right now many of you are in a Kate McKinnon fog and it’s going to be hard to not immediately have your minds made up on this one, but I will tell you this: Geena Davis as Dottie in A League of Their Own was Holtzmann before there was Holtzmann.)
Kit (Lori) – Kit’s has an active disinterest in men for most of the film, which makes her end of the movie boyfriend feel hilariously tacked on.
Doris (Rosie) – Doris is your classic butch who even gets her own beard!
Mae (Madonna) – Mae is clearly bisexual.
With the exception of Mae, Dottie and the gang feel more anchored in their tropes of denial. In a face off between Mae and Holtzma[passes out].
Victor: A League of Their Own
Outfits
Ghostbusters: Jumpsuits
A League of Their Own: Skirted uniforms
This one is not as obvious at it may seem. Sure, there is a queer element to women in pants since there was a time when women weren’t allowed to wear them in public, but ultimately for me the deciding factor here is the accessories. High socks and ball caps are no match for goggles, belts, backpacks, finger gloves, straps on straps, and guns.
Victor: Ghostbusters
Affiliations
Ghostbusters: A paranormal fight squad
A League of Their Own: The Rockford Peaches, a team in a women’s baseball league
We were on equal footing until peaches came into play. They were neither from Georgia or Florida, and symbolic imagery is real.
Victor: A League of Their Own
Nicknames
Ghostbusters: Holtzmann, aka “Holtzy”
A League of Their Own: “All the Way” Mae Mordabito, Betty “Betty Spaghetti” Horn & Alice “Skeeter” Gaspers
Coming from years of personal experience playing sports: calling someone by their last name is way gayer than coming up with a new nickname all together.
Victor: Ghostbusters
Interpersonal Dynamics
Ghostbusters: There is definitely tension between Abby and Erin for most of the film that reads like Erin is internally pleading for Abby not to mention their probably romantic past. Abby knows this about Erin and shifts that energy she’s being forced to suppress at Holtzmann. Patty and Holtzmann operate for most of the movie in that sweet spot of a crush where even doing terrible things together is exciting.
A League of Their Own: Doris is in love with Mae and irrationally considers them to be dating even though deep down she knows Mae just thinks of her as a friend. On the surface it could seem like Mae and Dottie never warm up to each other because Mae thinks Dottie is stuck up, but really it’s because Mae knows Dottie is the one person who could top her and that is too much to handle. Dottie avoids hanging out with the team during down time because subconsciously she knows what happens when you play with fire (you get turned).
This one’s close but I’m going active over passive here.
Victor: Ghostbusters
What They’re Fighting
Ghostbusters: I’m A Nice Guy/Sexism
A League of Their Own: Themselves/Sexism
Victor: Ghostbusters
Dialogue
Ghostbusters:
Holtzmann: “Forgot about my new toys.”
Holtzmann: [to Erin (me)] “Come here often?”
Erin: “Proton guns are all well and good, but sometimes you need the Swiss Army.”
A League of Their Own:
Dottie: “No, Bob and I are driving home. To Oregon.”
Ellen Sue: “Batter up, hear that call. The time has come for one and all… to play ball.”
Radio Announcer: “When our boys come home from war, what kind of girls will they be coming home to?”
Victor: A League of Their Own
Davis vs. McKinnon Standout Moments
Ghostbusters:
A League of Their Own:
Victor: Ghostbusters
Featuring Men
Ghostbusters: Chris Hemsworth, Bill Murray
A League of Their Own: Tom Hanks, Jon Lovitz
Bill Murray is dressed like gay antique dealer in Ghostbusters, but Tom Hanks has a distinctly lesbian feel to him. Plus Jon Lovitz is literally recruiting girls for “the team.”
Victor: A League of Their Own
Cameos
Ghostbusters: Sigourney Weaver as a hot scientist who seems to be into younger women.
A League of Their Own: Garry Marshall (rip) as a rich white guy who loves candy bars and watching ladies play ball.
Victor: Ghostbusters
Closing Credits
Ghostbusters: Chris Helmsworth dancing?
A League of Their Own: MEMBERS OF THE ORIGINAL ROCKFORD PEACHES WHO ARE ALL LIKE 90 AT THIS POINT PLAYING A GAME OF SOFTBALL WHILE MADONNA’S ‘THIS USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND’ PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.
Victor: A League of Their Own
Final Tally
Ghostbusters: 6
A League of Their Own: 7
In the words of the announcer from A League of Their Own, “Take me home momma and put me to bed. I have seen enough to know I have seen too much.” What an inspiring performance by both teams. One for the books! Remember: we are all winners here. And Ghostbuster fans, there’s always a chance to reclaim the title with Ghostbusters 2.