What I Think I’m Going To Do When
My Girlfriend Is Gone for a Month
- Catch up on the shows I watch without her that I’m behind on
- Get dressed up to take myself on romantic solo dates to my favorite places
- Go on long walks around the neighborhood
- Finally organize the nonfiction section of our bookcases, which for some reason is the only section not yet alphabetized
- Get really into fancy ingredient lattes
- Go to bed early
- Write and send her letters
- Meditate
- Go to the beach by myself and not do anything weird while there
- Certainly not fundamentally change any of the decor in our home that would be absurd
- Work efficiently and with great focus on my languishing novel draft
- Play with the dog
- Order Domino’s
- Organize my makeup
- Call my friends
- Get my Yellowjackets recap done early and then have a kiddie pool day in the backyard
- Write things for Autostraddle that aren’t about my relationship/personal life for once
What I Actually Do When
My Girlfriend Is Gone for a Month
- Rewatch all of The Hunger Games movies for some reason
- Spend a lot of time and money on making a high concept Yellowjackets-themed parody TikTok video
- Walk to the neighborhood bar to play darts for three hours by myself
- Impulse buy five new books that we absolutely in no way have shelf space for
- Chug cold brew until I can see through space and time
- GET in bed early but then stay up watching superhero movies on my laptop
- Send her nudes
- Blast Bad Bunny while chugging cold brew
- Go to the beach by myself and collect 10+ lbs of seashells
- Fill the lamps on our bedside tables with seashells
- Do overly meticulous research for my lesbian haunted house horror screenplay
- Talk to the dog
- Order Domino’s
- Watch makeup tutorials
- Send 15-minute voice memos to friends
- Get my Yellowjackets recap done early and then add 1800 more words just for fun
- Write this list
