In the first round of voting in our fictional Los Angeles mayoral race to determine whether or not Bette Porter could actually win an election, The L Word‘s Dawn Denbo narrowly squeaked out a victory over black-ish‘s Rhonda Johnson. Now, eight candidates remain! Below you will find their platforms and the voting booth!

Please remember: You don’t have to actually live in Los Angeles to vote; this is imaginary.

Here’s the voting schedule:

Round 1 — 11/25 (Lost: Rhonda Johnson, black-ish)
Round 2 — 11/26
Round 3 — 11/27
Round 4 — 12/2
Round 5 — 12/3
Round 6 — 12/4
The Final Election — 12/5
The Announcement of The Winner — 12/8

Bette Porter, The L Word

Campaign Manager: Carmen Phillips 

Bet on Me to Top LA

Housing. Much like every major city in the United States, Los Angeles is currently having a housing crisis. That affects LGBTQ+ youth most directly, who make up roughly 50% of the homeless population in this city. I won’t allow this city to be continued to be bought out by those most wealthy and leaving our community with nothing more than scraps. Powerful rich white men don’t scare me, I eat them for breakfast. I will take on every real estate developer who is trying to rob us out of our most important safety net — a place to lay our heads at night — and I Will Win.

Unemployment. Every citizen of Los Angeles has the right to work for an increased minimum wage that reflects the astronomical cost of living in this city. It’s not just about if the wealthy power lesbians — like myself or my friends — can afford to have in home pools or $7 lattes every morning. It’s about if everyday citizens, just like you, can afford to work full time and not end up in a life debt. Having a good, well paying, stable job should be a basic human right, and I will work everyday until it is.

Education. I believe in investing in our public school system. Not only do the best of Los Angeles public schools go toe-to-toe with any of our supposedly posh private or charter schools, they do so with fewer resources. Public schools are the lifeblood of the future of our city. Not only do I want to put money back in our schools, I will make it a top priority to invest in LGBT+ education and install a more strict anti-bullying policy. There is nothing more important to me than supporting LGBT students and students of color. Mini-Bette was one of those girls, and I will fight for her today.

Dawn Denbo, The L Word

Campaign Manager: Riese Bernard 

I’m Dawn Denbo, and This Is my Lovely City.

Extended Nightlife. Bars and clubs in New York City stay open ‘til the sun comes up but here in Los Angeles, proud citizens are sent home at 2am, robbing the city of valuable income from food, liquor and payroll taxes. With all the cocaine floating around the streets of WeHo, there’s nothing stopping us from being the OTHER city that never sleeps.

Provide Affordable Housing to Young LGBTQ Women. How can women-owned bars and clubs thrive when the draconian government has made nearby housing inaccessible for young, nubile lesbians new to the city and eager to make questionable life choices while intoxicated? Without affordable housing in the seven key neighborhoods laid out in my revitalization plan, we may as well roll over and ask the man to fuck us in the ear. Also, homelessness is bad.

More Exemptions to #AB5. While I support the regulation of Uber, Lyft and other industries that exploit workers by misclassifying them as Independent Contractors, it’s absurd to include musicians in this bill, thus potentially forcing washed-up musical acts to abandon their art in favor of nightclub ownership. Plus I don’t have the time or patience to employ every random DJ who plays my club once a month. I’m busy!

Davina Rejennae, Transparent

Campaign Manager: Drew Gregory 

Help Each Other Along the Way

LGBTQ+ Education Standards. My work with LGBTQ+ youth has shown me that Los Angeles schools are still failing at queer education. My team and I have created new standards covering everything from introducing basic terms in early education to guidelines on how to talk to queer and trans students to properly inclusive sex education.

Universal Healthcare. Los Angeles is the largest city in California, the world’s fifth largest economy. There’s no reason we should wait for the rest of the country on an issue as urgent as healthcare. As an HIV-positive trans woman, I know the importance of high quality affordable healthcare for all. Income should not determine whether our residents get the care they need.

Close the Wealth Gap. Like most of the country, Los Angeles is a city plagued with devastating wealth disparity. That’s why I’ve come up with a series of proposals that will begin to redistribute wealth so everyone gets their fair share. Trust me. There are eccentric Jewish families in the Palisades who could do with a bit less privilege.

Emma Hernandez, Vida

Campaign Manger: Heather Hogan

I’m Just Me

An Economy that Works for People Who aren’t Zillionaires. Fuck big banks. Fuck income inequality. Affordable housing? Yup. Livable minimum wage? Yup.

Stop Ignoring the Climate Crisis. Do you want your kids to have a planet to live on, or what?

The Wall. Are you fucking kidding me with this shit still? Abolish ICE, citizenship for DREAMers, repeal the illegal entry statute, keep families together. Seriously? Are you fucking kidding? How is this even up for debate?

Willow Rosenberg, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Campaign Manager: Valerie Anne

We’ve Got Magic to Do

Education. Nerds are the future! I will dedicate myself to improving our education system, ensuring our teachers are supported and compensated well, and that there are plenty of yellow crayons and vending machines in every school.

LGBTQ+ Community Centers. Let’s get together and make magic together! Everyone deserves to be able to gather as a coven group in a safe space where you can be yourself.

Family Policies. I want to fix the way corporations define family when it comes to HR policies because blood doesn’t make a family, love makes a family, and spousal, dependent, parental leave, bereavement leave, and other employment policies should reflect that.

Elena Alvarez, One Day at a Time

Campaign Manager: Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Let’s Improve LA—One Day at a Time.

Education. As part of my platform, I want to make sure all schools in Los Angeles are trans and queer friendly in their policies, programs, and services. As the youngest candidate for mayor, education is very important to me, and making sure LGBTQ kids feel safe and welcome in their schools is a must.

Mental Health Resources. Making sure mental health resources and services are available in all schools is one of my other priorities. Every public school in Los Angeles should have at least one fully trained counselor on its staff.

Transportation. Lastly, I want to invest more in public transportation initiatives in LA, focusing on improving existing systems but also adding more bus routes. These programs would prioritize affordability as well as sustainability.

Nancy Botwin, Weeds

Campaign Manager: Heather Hogan

Nothing Is Never Enough — But We Live And We Try 

Eliminate Mandatory Minimum Sentence Reform. And hey let’s eliminate private prisons while we’re at it. Maybe we could even reform our criminal justice system?

Let’s Make a Public School System that Works for Everyone. Not just parents in wealthy neighborhoods who can afford to send their kids to charter schools. Maybe a little free college, maybe a little student debt cancellation.

Medicare for All. Getting sick shouldn’t bankrupt families for the rest of their lives!

Hen Wilson, 9-1-1

Campaign Manager: Heather Hogan

Your Shift’s Not Over Yet 

Prioritize Infrastructure. Our roads and bridges and airports and train stations and bus stops are congested and in complete disrepair. We can’t make our highways infinitely wider. We need to to tap into federal funding and find ways to make public transportation faster, further reaching, and more accessible.

Climate Change. These power outages and the dangerous conditions they cause are only going to get worse if we don’t start taking the climate crisis seriously at the local level.

Economic Reform that Works for Everyone. I have a plan to increase affordable housing, reduce our city’s debt and balance our budget, bring our city’s minimum wage up to a livable level, make sure families get the paid leave they deserve, and stop rewarding the super-rich just for being rich.

VOTE NOW!

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