Oh, hello! If you were online this weekend, you perhaps noticed one of my favorite trends — Victoria Monét at it once again, doing gay shit in the club with her friends.
This time it was for celebrity stylist Bryon Javar’s birthday party in Los Angeles. Now a quick Google search tells me that Bryon styles a lot of your favorite celebrities, but for this tale we are specifically zeroing on Victoria Monét and Megan Thee Stallion. The party appears to have been “Byron’s Players Ball” which gave us the present of Megan Thee Stallion — in a matching white bra top, see through white pants, and white Afro wig — grinding on Victoria Monét in a three piece suit and cane to Victoria’s own song, “On My Mama.”
Megan Thee Stallion and Victoria Monét at a party in LA.
— Pop Base (@PopBase) January 28, 2024
Already there’s a lot to unpack. There’s a specific grind up that Victoria does once they almost hit the floor on “ladies is pimps tonight” that has short circuited something in my brain chemistry. There is the presence of the cane as a performance art prop piece. There’s the wig. There is the look back over Megan’s shoulder. Victoria’s laugh. Just many, many good things.
But it also reminded me of a recent foray that Victoria Monét had in the club last month for actress/singer/dancer Teyana Taylor’s birthday party, in which Teyana grinded on Victoria (sensing a theme here?) while Janelle Monáe rained down dollar bills on them both.
Victoria Monet, Teyana Taylor and Janelle Monae partying in Miami. 🎶💵🎉 pic.twitter.com/1rC3wlJVov
— The Crowd Updater (@TheCrowdUpdater) December 14, 2023
Janelle, it so happens, was also at Bryon Javar’s birthday party this past weekend. Though they’re not present in the video with Victoria and Meg, we can make a small leap here that where Black bisexual pansexual chaos ensues, Janelle Monáe is never far behind. Nipples Out and Age of Pleasure and all that.
But, back to Victoria Monét and Teyana Taylor for a quick second. Did I mention there’s a second video? Of course there’s a second video. Ahem. Did you know that Kehlani wrote “Hate the Club” about Victoria Monét, presumably after their break up? Once upon a time, I thought this was just an internet rumor, but oh no — “Monet” is explicitly in the lyrics. Having now seen these videos, we can all understand why.
There is something so satisfying about this little bisexual power clique forming of Victoria Monét, Megan Thee Stallion, and Janelle Monaé going to the club and going viral for being gay. And this brings us to our next and (for now) final chapter, which I will be calling “The Hottieween Chronicles.”
You see, Megan Thee Stallion deeply loves Halloween, which tracks because Halloween is just Gay Christmas. She also refers to herself and her fans as “hotties.” Every year Meg hosts an annual party called Hottieween, and in 2022 at said party, guess who was there? Janelle Monáe! Who gave Meg a serenade and a lil cheek kiss, which in and of itself isn’t news worthy, but even when covered in blue latex from head to toe somehow Janelle Monaé made thee Stallion blush?? A fact that I personally will never forget.
Megan Thee Stallion Freaked TF Out By Janelle Monae @ The HottieWeen Bash 😱💋#MeganTheeStallion #JanelleMonae #Halloween pic.twitter.com/i2jN1bzprM
— 🟢 Trap Tube Tv 🟢 (@TrapTubeTv) January 26, 2023
And then there’s Hottieween 2023, in which Megan Thee Stallion dressed up as Poison Ivy and Victoria Monét came dressed as nun. Meg pours liquor down Victoria’s throat and wipes away the overflow as if to say “good girl” with her eyes and [the call drops].
Megan Thee Stallion and Victoria Monet at the Hottieween Party🔥#Hottieween #Cobra🐍 pic.twitter.com/EUCuBQyl7S
— theequeenstallion1👑Fan Account (@queen_stallion1) October 29, 2023
OK OK. All the fun and games aside!! If you made it this far, you might be wondering, but Carmen what’s the point to this post? After all, Megan’s in headlines this weekend for her newest single release, which has sent Nicki Minaj into some truly unhinged behavior. And the Grammys — most certainly featuring all three of them — will be here next week. But no, that’s not what I’m here to talk about! This is not about any serious or factual reporting. My friends, there is no point! The point is that somewhere there is a Black Queer Femmes Group Chat with Victoria Monét, Janelle Monaé, and Megan Thee Stallion AND I’M SOMEHOW NOT IN IT.
Do you think they share memes? Who sends the TikTok recipes? Who drops off for months at a time, only to pop back in like nothing happened? There is always one (in my group chats, it’s me 😔). Do they hit the “made it home safe bbs, love you!” text after a long night of breaking the internet?
Listen ok. I can’t wait for this friendship circle to next go viral again, but until then, who will think of me in my time of need???