In an attempt to recreate the fun-filled, adrenaline-packed atmosphere of having a debate-viewing party in your very own home, we–the a-team of the twitterverse–have decided to do our debate coverage in the form of tweets featuring Editor-in-chief Riese, Senior Editor Rachel, Contributing Editors Carmen, Vanessa and Fonseca, Community Managerette Lemon (whose “real” name ftr is Kate Bennert #TheMoreYouKnow) and Contributors Carly and Taylor. They are qualified for this job via their strong feelings about the candidates, marginally competent knowledge of the issues at hand, and propensity for being funny on twitter. This will be more fun to read if you’ve watched the debate, but if you haven’t, we’ve embedded it for you!
sigh
— riese (@autowin) October 17, 2012
And so it begins. Our fearless leader sets the tone (Riese, not Barry, duh).
“wait who is debating?” @homogoth
— carmen (@c_rios) October 17, 2012
Carmen, per usual, is conducting her work life from a bar on her iPhone, and let’s be real we’re all super impressed by it. Also, for those just tuning in: Barack Obama and Mittens Romney are debating. Let’s move forward.
@tayhatmaker and way white!
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
Wait but honestly how do they choose who gets to attend? Can we all attend next time? I want to attend.
why isn’t he talking about global warming
— riese (@autowin) October 17, 2012
Fair and reasonable questions. Not met with any fair and reasonable answers from the tiny humans on my teevee screen, of course, but hey, we’re trying here.
clever how romney says the 1% will continue paying the same share of the entire country’s taxes rather than the same share of their income
— riese (@autowin) October 17, 2012
Hmmmm, what’s that? Mittens trying to confuse people so they don’t know what they’re actually voting for? SHOCKING! Mittens is honestly like that dude in college who tells you it’s fine that you’re gay, you can totally still be friends, he gets it, you’re cool, and then a week later you find out he’s told the entire football team that he’s gonna help you find god and exorcise your inner demons, because we are all His Children.
Maybe Romney just doesn’t understand how taxes work? That’s fine, I don’t either. That’s why I have an accountant.
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
Real talk: I cackled loudly thanks to Carly’s tweets throughout the entire debate. Lemon can confirm these facts. (Remember, Lemon is Kate! You may see some tweets from @katebennert, but HEYO! That’s Lemon! Aren’t pseudonyms fun?) Okay but back to Carly’s accountant.
he’s throwing 60% out there to confuse people into thinking that the 1% get a 60% tax rate ! their taxes are 60% of overall tax base is all
— riese (@autowin) October 17, 2012
Ugh, back to being That Guy. Did this confuse you? I tuned out so I wasn’t confused, but it would be fine if you were confused. Romney relies on confusion because that’s legit the only way anyone with half a brain and 1/4 of a conscience could ever really vote for him, amirite?!
Romney: “I’ll just pick a number… A random number… That I just pulled out of my ass right now.”
— Kate Bennert (@katebennert) October 17, 2012
Look, Carly had a point. I don’t like numbers either. But I’m NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT WITH AN ALLEGED TAX BREAK PLAN OF WHICH I REFUSE TO DIVULGE THE DETAILS.
Romney is TERRIBLY condescending. I’m SO SURE you ran businesses, Massachusetts, and THE OLYMPICS all by yourself, you dummy.
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
Okay, now we’re getting to the Olympics trope. I’m surprised this hasn’t been more of A Thing. I guess #binders kinda took the cake…but this was weird and funny!
Wait I just tuned in and Romney is saying he ran the Olympics. Should I bother asking what I missed?
— Vanessa (@vanessapamela) October 17, 2012
Should I bother? That kinda sums up my feelings with this debate in general. Did you watch? Did you miss it? I think it’s actually okay if you missed it. The whole thing is a farce. The people who care are the people who already know who they’re voting for. #LOSINGALLHOPE
mitt romney invented the olympics
— riese (@autowin) October 17, 2012
As always, Riese is here to clear up any/all confusion.
Bill Clinton shoutout!
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
OMG BFF!
can we talk about Bain Capital now PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
— taylor hatmaker (@tayhatmaker) October 17, 2012
NOPE, NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING RELEVANT EVER! HAHAHAHAHA JOKES ON YOU, CITIZENS OF AMERICA!
YEAH CANDY! #shutitdown
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
And now we begin Carly’s flurry of enthusiasm toward Our Moderator Candy.
“you’ll get your chance in a moment, I’m still speaking” oh NO HE DIDN’T
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
YES HE DID.
PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE BARRY
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
Getting a little overzealous but I ain’t even mad about it…
Maybe Candy will punch Mitt before Barry even has a chance? #hopeful
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
#HOPEFUL #SOHOPEFUL #HOPEANDCHANGE
lol debates. this is the best. was asked to stop yelling at the bar. #cantstopwontstop #sorrynotsorry
— carmen (@c_rios) October 17, 2012
#neverstopyelling (Side note, Lemon & I watched the debate on our couch in our pajamas. It’s fine, Carmen has enough zest for life for all of us!)
Obama is nailing the smirk… just the right ratio of ‘you have no fucking clue’
— taylor hatmaker (@tayhatmaker) October 17, 2012
God I never thought I’d love a man’s smirk so much. Hey Barry, heyyyyy.
“No, it’s not settled.” GET IT BARRY
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
Carly’s enthusiasm is the best. #GETITGETIT
hahah this debate in a bar.
— carmen (@c_rios) October 17, 2012
You guys, have we established that Carmen was in a bar? She watched the debate in a bar.
HELLLOOOOO katherine fenton
— riese (@autowin) October 17, 2012
Trying really, really hard not to roll my eyes over her “I’m absolutely not a feminist” comments from today. Okay I’ll be honest with you, I’m failing. #EYEROLL
Someone let a woman in for long enough to ask a question…. Get her outta there!
— taylor hatmaker (@tayhatmaker) October 17, 2012
Shit, who let her out of the binder?!
Barry just used the phrase “this amazing woman.” which is a phrase Romney has never said ever.
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
You hush your mouth about Ann Romney, Carly!
Equality for women? That’s great… let me tell you about how I was in charge of a thing and tried to find some qualified women
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
Does he know how horrible he sounds? Does he know how out of touch he seems? It’s so confusing. Are you there, Romney? It’s me, truth and logic. WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME FOR SO LONG?!
FIND THE WOMEN!!! WHERE ARE ALL THE QUALIFIED WOMEN!
— Kate Bennert (@katebennert) October 17, 2012
Spoiler alert: CHECK THE BINDERS!
BINDERS OF WOMEN!!! it’s like mail order brides but for the cabinet!
— riese (@autowin) October 17, 2012
BINDER! BINDER! BINDER! Did you watch the debate? Doesn’t matter if you didn’t! I bet you heard about BINDERS today. I bet you woke up and thought, “OMG THE QUEERS HAVE FINALLY TAKEN OVER THE WORLD, HALLELUJAH!” Not yet, young child. Soon. The Gay Baby Army is preparing. But not quite yet. Okay onward!
Someone bring me BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN
— taylor hatmaker (@tayhatmaker) October 17, 2012
#binders
That awkward moment when Mitt Romney says “binders” and you realize that you’ve been spending entirely too much time around transguys.
— Sarah Fonseca (@FonsecadelSur) October 17, 2012
#bindersbindersbinders
I invented women, and thought to put them into binders to keep them better organized.
— carly usdin (@carlytron) October 17, 2012
#bindersbindersbindersbindersbinders
I think I speak on behalf of all women when I say that we prefer Trapper Keepers to “binders”
— taylor hatmaker (@tayhatmaker) October 17, 2012
Hello are we all clear that Romney is a FOOL and he made a dumb comment about #BINDERS?!
oh i guess women are the only gender who have to pick kids up from school, this is so backwards
— riese (@autowin) October 17, 2012
Which is why they HAVE to leave work at five, no exceptions.
LOL LOL only moms get fair hours, if you’re a woman who doesn’t have a child you can just forget about going home at 5pm OKAY?!#Romney — Vanessa (@vanessapamela) October 17, 2012
Women are basically just extensions of kids, obvi.
This is the first time I’ve tried to watch one of these things. I think I’m falling in love because @mharrisperry just Grrrr’d at Romney. — Sarah Fonseca (@FonsecadelSur) October 17, 2012
#Grrrr
