We’re celebrating Autostraddle’s Fifth Birthday all month long by publishing a bunch of Top Fives. This is one of them!
5. The Eggplant
I’ve heard that some people (for example, the artist behind this “Drunk In Love” emoji music video) use The Eggplant euphemistically. I can see it coming in handy in this way. However, it’s always been my go-to for describing people or things I don’t like. Someone is being a jerk to your friend? That person is now Eggplant. Dreaded appointment with dentist/tax lawyer/landlord? Eggplant on Google calendar. Useful and relatively discreet.
4. SOON feat. Right Arrow
Stuck as it is in the strange and confusing “!?#” department, Soon feat. Right Arrow is critically underrated. It can be used to make plans, predict the future, and illustrate evolution (personal or scientific). Fridays around 4 pm I see it hovering over my work computer, pointing hopefully outdoors.
3. Tropical Fish
Like a real tropical fish, Tropical Fish is a calming presence. Use him to cool down a heated conversation, or help remind a sad friend of a brighter world. He’s also facing leftward so you can easily make him hold a magnifying glass, smoke a cigarette, or yell into a megaphone, all hilarious things that fishes can’t actually do.
2. Smiley Cyrus
Emoji designers were far ahead of their time when they invented Face With Stuck-Out Tongue And Winking Eye, which I have personally rechristened for obvious reasons. I strive for a life in which this emoji is the only one I ever need.
1. Rocket Ship
Rocket Ship has slowly but surely edged out Flamenco Lady as my go-to conduit for expressing pure joy. Just look at it, pointing up and right — to fresh unknown planets, new spiral galaxies, expanding multiverses of adventure. I love the fire in its belly. I love its sharp nose and its little window eye. Go forth, Rocket Ship! Show us the way.
Header Image by Rory Midhani
