Top 10 Things I’d Rather Do With a Diva Cup Than Put It Inside Me

This post is in a duel with this post.

The only thing lesbians love more than diva cups is sexually harassing other lesbians about why they’re not using diva cups. I gave cups a shot about eleven years ago and that little experiment was a disaster on all counts. I’ve not looked back since. Here’s the thing, ladies: I genuinely love ob tampons! I genuinely do. All my complaints about tampons — the constant fear of leakage, taking up too much space in my pocket, all that plastic — have been solved by ob tampons. Why would I give up the relatively clean removal and disposal of tiny cotton bullets for the opportunity to physically handle a cup overflowing with my own menstrual blood? I haven’t lived in an apartment with a dishwasher since 1995, I spend plenty of time washing cups as it is.  I’M NOT GONNA STICK A CUP IN MY VAGINA OKAY ALI I’M NOT GONNA DO IT.

 10. Feed my girlfriend almonds out of a tiny cup

cornucopia

 

9. Mail it to Ellen DeGeneres with a note that says “This is for you, it’s a tiny hat,” and then watch The Ellen Show to see how cute Ellen looks in my hat

"I love my tiny hat, thanks Riese for making this decision about diva cups"

“I love my tiny hat, thanks Riese for making this decision about diva cups”

8. Wear it as a Tiny Hat With Other Senior Editors Of This Website

tiny-hats

Imagine if everybody at A-Camp had a tiny hat!

7. Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots

shotsshotsshots

Lesbian initiation rite

6. Mail it to Paris Hilton’s Dog Tinkerbell so that Tinkerbell could wear it on the television and in photographs like this one

paris-hilton-chihuahua

so fancy

5. Use it as a hat for my dog Tinkerbell

tinkers

so fancier

4. Use it as a funnel to pour whiskey from the bottle into a flask

There’s no image for this, because it’s too much ahead of our time.

3. Turn it into a pipe and smoke it

weed

This pipe is gay and you might also be gay, so

2. Shoot a portable remake of Wild Things starring tiny dolls that have been brought to life, like in Indian in the Cupboard

I saw this movie the night I lost my virginity

I saw this movie the night I lost my virginity

 1. Use it as a home for a baby chicken

chick1

baby chickens > menstrual blood gushing out of your body

Look at that baby chicken and tell me you’d rather get that cup lost in your uterus than give a baby chicken a home.

Extra-special thanks to Forever Intern Grace for the masterpiece graphics.

 

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Riese

Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3238 articles for us.

114 Comments

  1. Okay, the dishwasher thing has cured me of wanting to dry out the Diva cup. I’ll stick with my OB tampon bullets, thank you very much.

    (Anyone else thinking about action movies with lots of shooting when they remove one of those? Just me? Okay.)

  3. I am now envisioning the beloved characters from Indian in the cupboard drowning in the menstrual blood of an overflowing diva cup…

    Whyyyyyyy!

  5. Diva cups for some, tiny hats for others!

    You could probably also use it for individual servings of hummus?

  9. I tried the Diva cup and was briefly evangelical about it until I was walking home from a restaurant and it fell out of my vagina. It fell the fuck out. And maybe people will think, “Wow, Vikki must have a cavernous vagina.” But no. Blame user error or design flaw or or whatever. But that is not ok. I had to walk the last block home like a bowlegged cowgirl. So, bring on the shots and the baby chicks because I have one in the bathroom that needs to be repurposed.

  11. Sorry Riese, getting rid of tampons (in a place where you can’t flush ’em) just grosses me out (having to handle them, with their congealed blood ewwwww!). And when you’re on a holiday on a boat with no tampon bins (and, inevitably, I will get my period on scuba diving holidays), the cup is just a much cleaner solution – if you can get it to work for you.

    • Easier until you have to change it in a public bathroom stall and then, when you go to the sink, it looks like you murdered someone and were trying to flush the evidence.

      • Meh, I’ve got that worked out. It certainly took some time tho! Forgot to take my cup on my last (long) holiday and had to use tampons instead… I still feel somewhat “ew!” when I think about it. But, the cup’s definitely not for everyone (I don’t think there’s ever going to be a one-fits-all menstrual solution!!)

        • Do you mind sharing your public bathroom maneuvers? This is what has always prevented me from trying out the diva cup. I’m very curious about these skills!

        • Unfortunately there’s no magic trick, it was just a matter of becoming more dexterous in handling it (the first year I had one, I was very unco with it – once managed to drop it into the toilet at exactly the same time as I flushed… byebye cup).

          I guess the keys for me are keeping it upright when removing, preparing pieces of paper for cleaning before removal, and pouring carefully, but that’s not exactly helpful, I know!

        • Actually, that’s more helpful than you know! For some reason I had always imagined that you had to rinse out/wash the cup before re-placing it – and was trying to picture doing that at a public sink… (And had never clarified with anyone actually using one.) If everything can be done stall-side, I may be in!

        • I don’t really have a problem with the actual process of dumping it in public restrooms, but the noises are super awkward. I make sure no one is in any other stalls before dumping it at work because the weird suction popping noise is not something I want to explain to any coworkers.

          That being said though, I’m super thankful that I really only need to dump it at work once on the first two days, after that I can last the whole time….which is why I love my lunette.

      • Ah, you’re missing out! (On the diving, that is).

        Gotta say, I don’t quite get people being evangelical about menstrual protection – it’s not a one-size-fits-all thing!!

        • My guess is that women who have heavy periods and middle-aged women whose cycles have changed might be more evangelical than others. In the past couple of years (I’m in my mid 40’s), my uterus and I have had a complicated relationship.

        • I’m with Vikki on this. Heavy period people like myself sometimes have a lot of feelings that they feel like they need to share. All the time. About their business.

        • Personally, I reckon it’s good to share to some extent (not everywhere, but, you know….) – we can all learn something from each other, and when it comes to the vagina, there’s not a lot of talking, so how the heck do we know we’re normal? I reckon undersharing’s one of the reasons why people are so anxious about female reproductive organs (and get plastic surgery on the area and other ridiculous things).

  12. One more story because I can’t help myself. During my evangelical Diva cup period (no pun intended but certainly appreciated), I convinced a friend to use one. She called me at work one day and was like, “VIKKI I CAN’T GET THE CUP OUT!” I said, “Just pull!” She said, “I DID and it’s like a vacuum in there! I think I need you to come over.” I said, “Why? You want me to take it out? I love you but I don’t know…” She said, “NO! I need you to talk me through it!” She eventually got it out but it was horrible and painful and maybe she and I should do shots together with our cups.

  13. Aww I really want to try one of these but I can’t justify spending £20 on one and then not liking it/finding it comfortable … And then, this isn’t one of those things where I can just call a friend and ask them if I can borrow their diva cup, you know?

    (I currently use tampons and I’m quite happy with that but, still. All the cool lesbians (Sorry Riese!) have been telling me to get a diva cup.)

    • I only started using the Mooncup because I’d just moved to the UK and was forced to either shell out a ridic amount of money monthly for sanitary pads (they’re way more expensive here than back home, and I’ve never used a tampon) OR I could put down £20 for a cup and force myself to stick with it. It was a good decision. I think I have seen disposable ones at Boots as Vikki recommended though.

      • Oh. I’ll definitely check those out – I didn’t know they sold them in physical shops, I thought you could only get them online … Thanks! :)

    • it’s ok, i don’t need to be cool, i just need to not have a bowl of blood hanging out in my body

    • I bought mine about 3 years ago. Tried it 2-3 times then, and I. Could. Not. Get. It. IN THERE. sooo fast forward 3 years of using tampons every cycle thinking, man I should really try and figure out that diva cup. I finally looked up different cup folding techniques and FINALLY figured it out. Then getting it out the first few times was a pain in the ass (-er vagina). Now it’s all I use and I love it.

  14. Riese, I think these are all well-reasoned diva cup uses, however I feel obligated to point out that 4 of the total 10 things mentioned are actually just about turning them into hats. Don’t get me wrong, I love hats, but I think you have cheated.

    Here are further suggestions for consideration:

    – egg protectors. No more cracked eggs in the supermarket because they are divacup covered!
    – miniature boob jelly/jello moulds
    – miniature church bell covers. To, like, stop miniature church bells clanging. It could be a problem.

  15. I got my keeper my senior year of college and was so excited! Normally I use a glad rag too in case of leakage. A few years after getting mine I was looking for a present for a friend who was having problems using drugs. Trying to think of a present for the winter holiday that she couldn’t pawn and would be actually be useful I gave her a keeper. She liked it and I think even used it until her dog ate it. Oh, and at one point she was pulled over by a cop who was checking her vehicle for drugs. He found the keeper and she was trying to explain. Oh my.

    • Next holigay season, there needs to be a “What To Buy for the Awesome Addict in Your Life” list and the only thing on it will be a Diva Cup.

  16. feel really honored to have a divacup photoshopped onto my head, thought i’d have to be at least 30 or have a book out first

  17. I love using my Keeper for its intended purpose, but if I could afford a bunch of them I’d use them as miniature planters and construct a tiny jungle in my bedroom.

  18. YOU GUYS did Lizz and her various sexual health aids teach you nothing at A-Camp YOU CAN’T LOSE THINGS IN YOUR UTERUS

  21. I loved my divacup…until I had two 9 lb babies. Then it just didn’t work anymore, even after I bought it in the giant vagina size.

  22. I could not make this up; as I was reading this post, I started bleeding.

    It’s like my uterus read “Diva Cup” and got so excited it wanted ours to visit right now. Between reading this article and writing this comment my Diva Cup is now with me, because it is the best ever.

  23. It’s weird, because I can understand why people would prefer cloth pads to the chafing diaper-ish feel of disposable pads, and would probably use them if I wasn’t a lazy shit who hates using laundry. But I’ve never understood why people find tampons uncomfortable? Even when I was a preteen who just started, I remember being pleasantly surprised at how comfortable and convenient tampons were. So I’ve never seen the need to replace them with another thing.

    That said, I get that most of the desire to use diva cups instead is due to helping the environment; I’ve just heard the “discomfort” arguments before and I didn’t get it. But all vaginas are different, so maybe mine just really likes tampons.

    • I can’t speak for other people, but I find tampons uncomfortable to use because I start getting sharp stabbing pains in my vagina. Yes, I’m putting them in correctly. No, I don’t know why that happens.

    • When I was a teen I never used them because they hurt. Like the stabbing pains Raksha mentioned. Turns out I had a curved uterus (that has thankfully straightened out as I’ve grown) but tampons just didn’t fit right for me. Now they’re fine.

    • They’ve never been comfortable for me, either. They always dried me out and caused me to chafe like crazy. Also I got horrible cramps whenever I wore them. Cup is much better for me.

    • I never had an issue with pain, but a huge factor for me sticking with my lunette is the absence of leaks, which were an issue with tampons for me. I also love not having to change it every time I pee.

  24. Also, o.b. tampons forever! I love those little things. I remember discovering them in undergrad when I was out of tampons and I raided some other girl’s stash in the dorm bathroom, and those were the only ones available. I was like “Ew, no applicator?” but nope, they were perfect!

  26. We can all agree that with these double post you win the internet for today/this week/the eternity.

    And #TeamTamponssss

  28. I tried using a diva cup once. It triggered my OCD so bad that I ended up:

    -washing my hands
    -washing my hands again
    -pouring soap all over my hand and arm up to my elbow and scrubbing
    -going into the shower and pouring body wash all over my hand and arm up to my elbow.
    -crying in the fetal position in the middle of my bed because I couldn’t stop thinking about the germs.

    I’ll stick with tampons.

    • Well don’t think about how many people have handled the tampons before you put them up your vagina, then. Or how many surfaces they’ve travelled across before they were put into the box. And how dirty the workers in the tampon factory might be.

        • Meg, it might just be the thread but your picture resembles a large tampon. Probs the thread.

      • I hope you realize this is a really jerk comment. I have severe OCD and for you to just toy with it like that is really rude.

      • Definitely a thing. Just because something is wrapped up doesn’t mean it’s clean. I think I used to assume that they’d sterilize them all in some way but in retrospect that didn’t make any sense.

        The diva cup I can boil or put in peroxide though yayyyy. And my reusable pads I can wash myself.

    • Honestly, unless I’m dumping it while in the shower, I wear disposable nitrile gloves. (Working in a lab, ftw!) I’ve been told that I’ll get used to it, but I much prefer having a barrier between my hands and all that. Does this defeat the environmental purpose of using a cup instead of other things, probably, but oh well.

  29. So now I’m alternating between thinking about my diva cup and my stash of ob tampons, thinking, well, why can’t I have both? Sometimes its a diva cup month, and other months it’s a tampon month, you know? Is that greedy of me? Non-committal? Selfish? Maybe I don’t wanna pick a side!

    • I’m imagining Deandra from The Most Popular Girls in School going “No…diva cup! No…tampons! No…BOTH!”

    • Do what makes sense for the situation! I use a cup and reusable pads most of the time, but sometimes it just makes more sense to use disposable stuff.

  30. While I consider myself a huge supporter and fan of the Diva Cup, it did take some getting used to. That’s putting it lightly. The fact of the matter was that I decided to try my Diva Cup for the first time during a backpacking trip. And it EXPLODED (all 5,000 liters) in the middle of my trip. Luckily, I convinced my fellow hikers (mostly guys) to go ahead, with an “OH SHIT” expression written on my face. I attempted even harder to convince them that my genitals weren’t ravaged by a bear when I caught back up with them.

    Side note: it’s really fucking hard to clean up your (ONLY PAIR of) blood soaked clothes when you have a limited water supply.

    • I want to assure you that I only thumbed up your comment because the visual of your guy friends being horrified and concerned that you had been genitally mauled by a bear is both hilarious and horrifying. I just want to thank you for that image.

  31. also whoa the first time i read this article i did not notice the caption on the Wild Things picture but this time i did and it was a plot twist i did not see coming

  32. I had thought about using a diva cup. And then my last roommate used one. And every month I knew when she was on her period because I would find blood on the toilet seat/side of toilet. So either she has really bad aim or they are difficult to use. Either way, I haven’t been able to convince myself to try them.

    • Yeah, I’m going to say that she wasn’t doing it right. I mean, sometimes shit happens (with any method of dealing with menses), but you clean up after yourself, jeez!

  34. I actually don’t know what’s happening on this website right now, but I kind of love it, so

  36. These dueling posts are so relevant to my interests right now. Because I’m on my period and this is distractingly hilarious.

  37. Tried it. Hated it. Something about pulling some messy mess out of my twat in a public bathroom, and hearing a FWOP sound as it was extracted made me Team Anything-But-Divacup.

    On the bright side, if you’re making a tin man costume for your cat, it totally rocks as the hat.

  38. I wish Autostraddle would talk about queerladies with vaginismus.

    I have vaginismus and with persistence I taught myself to use tampons, but I can stick absolutely nothing else up in there without extremely painful muscle spasms. I bought myself a menstrual cup (in the size meant for *virgins*) but no matter how much lubrication I slather it with, or which folding design I use, I push and prod and think, “okay, I think it’s in…” and then SPROING! it plops back onto the floor.

    I really wanted to love it, guys, ‘cuz I spend a fortune every month on the smooth plastic applicators that will spend the next 10,000 years in a landfill.

    • Have you considered cloth pads? They’re a little trickier than cups due to the laundering requirements, but I find them way comfier than disposable pads.

    • Maybe try sea sponges. Even the heavy flow ones squeeze down really small and they conform to the shape of your body.

      Also, best of luck with it all. Definitely don’t feel guilty about having to use tampons (though having to spend money on them sucks). We have to do what’s right for us.

    • That’s probably your body telling you not to stuff anything up there (because there is zero need to), so I’d stick with pads.

  39. I tend to be rather evangelical about sea sponges (thanks to Kinnie Star’s liner notes for Tidy), but I took a chance on the Diva cup. I absolutely hated it. It always felt like it was going to fall out or overflow and I think I also walked sort of like a duck or non-potty trained toddler when I wore it. The worst, though, was when I was at work (Costco at the time, and always incredibly busy) and I was trying to take it out in the bathroom and it FELL IN THE FUCKING TOILET.

    That’s when I gave up. Now my use for the Diva cup is just the generic threat “I will leave my Costco toilet Diva Cup in your ice cream after I’ve contaminated all of your belongings with its evil.”

  40. Got a Mooncup for Christmas. I have tried but cannot for the life of me get it in. I will persist but am terrified i won’t be able to get it out!!

  42. Although I understand the aversion to the DivaCup and respect everyone’s personal decisions there is no doubt that the DivaCup is healthier and safer for you body. Also, better for the environment.

    I encourage everyone to step outside their comfort zone and support the DivaCup.

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