The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 7
We pick up where we left off, with this little Instagram stories debacle. Not-Gay Joanna Garcia Swisher tries to cut the tension. Yes, she knows they signed up for this, but that doesn’t take away the real emotions, and she understands that and is holding space for it.
AJ and Marie share their experience in their Trial Marriage, which ended up going quite well because even though Marie was in a dark place, AJ was there for her through it. Marie says they laid the groundwork for a genuine friendship. “We completely removed the intimacy from it, because you can only hide behind that shit,” she says, rather pointedly, prompting a silent reaction from Dayna. AJ likes how Marie took care of her through little gestures like waking her up with a cup of coffee.
Haley and Magan share next, and I have a feeling Dayna is not going to take any of this well. But how much will they reveal? Let’s see. Haley says her Trial Marriage was really easy een though they also cried and did hard work on themselves. Haley learned vulnerability. Magan came into all of this with a lot of questions and a sense of feeling lost. But she discovered how to push herself and that her quirks are damn good qualities. She feels more secure. I’m loving all of this for Magan.
Every time the camera cuts to Dayna, it looks like she wants to fight.
Magan loves that Haley “riffs her bits.” Wow, okay, these two are in love fr.
It’s Dayna and Mel’s turn to talk, but Dayna can’t right now and asks Mel to go first. Mel calls their Trial Marriage together life-changing. She thinks it’s the first time someone has ever really truly seen her without running away or getting scared. Where she struggles in communication with Marie, she didn’t feel that with Dayna.
Dayne says they both have very emotional partners and so don’t feel like they have space to have their own emotions. She doesn’t feel comfortable or safe sharing how she feels with Magan.
Alright, time to FIGHT.
Magan wants to bring up the fact that Dayna didn’t acknowledge her at the pool that day. She doesn’t think she deserved that. She says that when that happened, she decided to create space. Magan says when Dayna called her that one night, it was to say she was breaking up with her and going home. Mel and Dayna try to call Magan out for her reaction to that. “You said ‘have a safe flight,’” Dayna says. She polls the tale to ask if anyone there would say “have a safe flight” if their partner called them and told them they were leaving. I think it’s actually weirder that when Magan so desperately wanted to leave at the beginning of all this, Dayna convinced her like no, baby, staying on a reality television program will actually be great for us and our relationship. Dayna tries to spin that moment as her having been there for Magan, but WAS SHE?
“When I need you, I tell you I need you,” Magan says. “When you need me, you tell me you’re breaking up with me.” Yeah, it’s classic manipulation.
Magan then drops that she knows Dayna has been fucking around on this trip. Dayna pivots to attacking Haley, calling her Magan’s “little friend” and saying she went to Marie to say she had proof Dayna and Mel were fucking. Probably because they WERE fucking! It was caught on *Jenna Maroney voice* CAM-AH-RAH!!!! Like, I really do not understand how Dayna and Mel think they can get away with continuing to lie about this?
Haley wants to clarify: At the group night out, she didn’t feel like Dayna was being truthful, and she knew there were receipts proving Mel and Dayna were sexual. Dayna thinks Haley only did this because she didn’t like that Dayna had called her out, to which Haley responds: Call out for WHAT? Dayna never threatened or called her out at the night out! What is the narrative spinning that Dayna is attempting?! It’s always interesting when people used to skewing or controlling a narrative go on reality television, because it’s so much harder to pull off when there are CAMERAS ON YOU.
AJ wants to know why Dayna and Mel are getting so defensive. It’s almost like they have something to hide. Marie, for now, seems to still believe Mel, and whew I am scared for what will happen when she realizes she’s being lied to on NATIONAL TELEVISION. Dayna is crashing out for real, and Britney has to step in to tell her her tone is ridiculous and she needs to talk to people like they matter. This sort of works and Dayna takes a breath.
Okay, it’s time for the receipts reveal. And the receipts are…Spotify? Allow Magan to explain. She and Haley were sitting in their bedroom, and the TV goes to Spotify, and it’s logged into Dayna’s account. It was all sex playlists. There was a private playlist she and Mel created together. Dayna also took all of the songs from her playlist with Magan, including THEIR SONG (I wish I knew what their song was!), and moved them onto a playlist with Mel. Magan says she doesn’t appreciate it. Finally, Dayna and Mel don’t deny this. Dayna says “okay babe” and Mel says “understood.”
Joanna “Has Never Seen The L Word” Garcia Swisher chimes in to say she knows tonight has been emotional but that she has seen a lot of growth. WHAT? WE’RE MOVING ON? I THOUGHT THINGS WERE JUST HEATING UP! I mean, I guess they need to stretch the drama into as many episodes as possible, but I really thought we were going to get into this more right away! Guess we’re saving it for the Trial Marriages part deux.
Second Trial Marriages Begin
Everyone’s in vans taking them to their new cohabitation apartments. Some are having better times than others.
Britney + AJ
Britney and AJ waste no time getting all up on each other in the back of their car. But AJ also has a bone to pick: OXTAILS??? REALLY????? Britney could have made her anything else! Jerk chicken! But OXTAILS? Britney says Marita was asking her how to eat it off the bone, and this pushes AJ over the edge. Good oxtails wasted on a white woman! I love this fake fight lol. I really think Britney and AJ are great for each other.
Later in their apartment, AJ and Britney are kissing some more. There’s a bunny here! AJ can’t keep her hands off of Britney, who wants to know how being with Marie was. AJ liked that Marie made her breakfast while she was working and was home all the time. Britney points out she was that woman before she opened her Medspa, but owning a business is a lot of work. AJ wants to know what happens if she proposes and things go badly with the business and they have to put the engagement on pause. That’s scary to her. But Britney accurately points out that AJ is putting their relationship on pause for a hypothetical situation. Britney knows things could change with the business any time. That’s life! Again, I think these two are gonna make it out. AJ just needs to stop overthinking it. People are always overthinking marriage tbh! I suppose that’s what this show runs on though.
Ashley + Marita
These two are just eating candy/snacks in the back of their car and delighting in the fact that they may have their issues, but they aren’t anything like what they saw just go down between Dayna/Mel/Haley/Magan. These two don’t even know what oxtails are and are PROVING AJ’S POINT!!!!
Ashley and Marita are such a striking example of two people who just simply aren’t a good fit for each other. No one has done anything wrong; they’re just not right for each other. At the beginning of their Trial Marriage, Ashley asks Marita what qualities should be in a marriage, and Ashley says you should want to share your lives together. Ashley is like what about loyalty, honesty, communication? All things she brings to the table. She wants to know what she’s missing, and Marita again says showing up. Marita bought Ashley flowers, and Ashley is like I don’t even like flowers, and Marita says it’s because she wants flowers. And, sure, yeah, if all Marita wants is flowers, Ashley should probably just pick up some flowers at the grocery store, even if it seems like a hollow gesture to her. Marita clearly wants those kinds of surface-level displays of “showing up.” Ashley says she has fought for her for three and a half years and it’s never good enough. Marita thinks Ashley is saying that their biggest issue is how she receives love. Oh my god, this is painful to watch, because I think Marita is just so young and Ashley is stubborn.
“We’re both just like not happy,” Ashley says. “We’re not aligning.” NOW WE SAID IT. This is really it. Ashley needs a break and leaves. I think she should follow that instinct and leave this relationship.
Bridget + Kyle
Things are slightly tense between Bridget and Kyle in the car, but not quite as bad as it is for some of our more drama-laden couples. Kyle tells Bridget there was a kiss, and Bridget wants to know how it happened, but Kyle doesn’t quite seem ready to talk about it.
Perhaps they can work through it in their latest segment of People Having Serious Conversations Under Blankets on the Couch. Bridget is confused. Kyle feels awful. The kiss didn’t mean anything though. Kyle assures her she doesn’t have a wandering eye, and Bridget says she looks at her as this perfect person, which Kyle correctly points out isn’t fair because she can’t live up to perfection, no one can! They resolve to stop talking about the past and just focus on each other. They seal the deal with an eyelash wish, which is very cute! I think these two could make it out of here together, too.
Marie + Mel
In the car, Marie tells Mel that clearly the Spotify shit was the receipts Haley had been talking about. Is Mel still maintaining the lie about not hooking up with Dayna? Is Marie still buying it?! “A locked playlist, Mel? Really?” she asks. I need to know if Mel has cheated on Marie before, because I get the impression that Marie has been talking around that!!!
Oh, she’s still lying. She tells Marie she and Dayna “teetered the line” but ultimately decided they loved their partners too much to do anything. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Marie is appalled by the matching tattoos but honestly not as mad as I thought she’d be? “My god, she’s really gonna be a part of my life forever, isn’t she?” Marie asks, almost like she’s just accepting that?
Mel tells the camera she and Dayna have a strong bond emotionally. DO THEY? I feel like all we really saw between Mel and Dayna was a physically bond. Any time they talked about emotions, it actually fell apart. Whereas Haley and Magan did indeed hook up, we also saw them doing so much work on themselves, and even the way they talked about sex was healthy, especially because they did so on camera right away. Dayna and Mel’s Trial Marriage seemed more just like a horny good time, which is fine! But to then lie about the sex is wild. I think Dayna had fun with Mel and then was ready to go back to her real girlfriend. But they’re both struggling to reckon with that, Mel realizing she could lose Marie if the truth comes out, and Dayna encountering a Magan who seems to have grown to the point of outgrowing the relationship.
Marie believes and trusts Mel. GIRL! G I R L !!!!! I cannot believe Mel has her out here looking like a fool. The food truck will never be the same.
Over smoothies together, Mel tells Marie she doesn’t want her to change her mind about kids on her account. She doesn’t want her to change her core values. But Marie insists she wouldn’t be giving up something by giving up the idea of starting a family. She can be fulfilled in other ways. I would support all this if I wasn’t also wanting to tell Marie to run from the person LYING TO HER FACE! Mel says for the first time marriage and kids could be on the table. I’m truly so confused by what Mel wants out of all of this.
Haley + Pilar
In the car, Pilar right away wants to know if Haley and Magan did anything. Haley says yes and that they will talk about it. Listen, if you’re going to sleep with your trial partner, the least you can do is be honest about it!
Okay, honestly, all the Haley/Pilar stuff is making me very sad. Because here we again have another instance where no one has really done anything wrong, but the situation is way more complicated than, say, Marita/Ashley who have only been together a few years. Haley and Pilar have been together a DECADE. And they’ve never been in a queer relationship with anyone else. On top of that, Pilar lost her family when she came out, and no doubt not only has Haley become her family, but so has Haley’s family. I think these two need to separate, and if it’s meant to be, maybe they find their ways back to each other. But Haley jumping into things with Magan as quickly as she did really just indicates to me that she needs to have some experiences outside of the relationship that has defined her entire adult life. Similarly, I think Pilar would have actually gone a lot further with Kyle if Kyle had been open to it! And maybe she’d be able to better swallow everything Haley is now saying about Magan if she’d been able to have that opportunity with someone else, too.
Haley tells Pilar she and Magan realized they don’t want to go back to the way things were before. She says of course she and Magan were attracted to each other, and Pilar doesn’t take too kindly to the use of “of course” here. Pilar asks if they cuddled, and Haley says yes. She asks if they cuddled night one, and Haley says yes. This is reminding me of the time I found sexual email correspondences between my now-ex and her sidepiece and my first question was “have you kissed?” when really it should have been “have you fucked?” but it’s like my brain couldn’t quite get there yet. But I guess Pilar could also be wondering about how intimate Haley really got with Magan, and in many ways cuddling can signal more intimacy than fucking!
I don’t FULLY understand what Haley means here when she talks about how she and Magan decided that if Pilar and Dayna were feeling the way that she and Magan were feeling then they would have regrets coming out of the experience if they didn’t explore whatever it is they wanted to do coming into the experience…I mean are you even following the sentence I just wrote?! Because I am not! What does she mean here! I don’t think she needs to justify her and Magan’s actions in the context of them assuming how Dayna/Pilar were feeling. I think she can just say they wanted to do it and leave it at that!
Anyway, yes, she confirms to Pilar, they did “cross that line” (had sex). Pilar asks if it was one time, and Haley says it was not. Pilar wants to ask how many, and Haley wonders if that will help the conversation. She admits she wasn’t, like, counting. Pilar asks if Haley has an emotional connection with Magan, which yes does indeed seem like the more pertinent question. Haley confirms yes they do. Pilar asks Haley if she loves her, and Haley nods. They both cry. Haley tries to give her a hug, but she doesn’t want to be touched. They both stand next to each other on the balcony, holding their heads. Pilar’s worst fear was that she’d get to the point where she was ready for marriage and Haley would have fallen with someone else, and now it’s happening!
Again, this is so sad! I feel so bad for them! Breaking up after 10 years together feels like an impossible thing to do. I’m not sure where they go from here! But at least Haley is being honest about her feelings for Magan! Lying would make this all so much worse. It’s hard, but they’re communicating in a way that is ultimately healthy.
Magan + Dayna
Alright, let’s get into it. In the car, Dayna is like “you can’t even look at me?” Magan cannot. She says Dayna chose to go about her three weeks the way she did, so now she can’t be mad at her for how she feels about it. She thinks Dayna is only sorry because this is all backfiring in her face. Dayna asks if she’s saying they’re done and don’t have a future. “I really don’t think so,” Magan says. I also don’t think they have a future, for what it’s worth.
Dayna volunteers to sleep on the couch. Magan is shook that Dayna didn’t tell her the tattoo she got was MATCHING with Mel’s until she ASKED. They’d talked about getting matching tattoos together. Instead, she did it with Mel. “I can’t believe I wanted to marry you,” Magan says.
She feels like she and Dayna have no sacredness left together. The tattoo, the sex playlist, Dayna basically took intimate parts of their relationship and gave them to someone else. I get it! These feel like bigger betrayals than sex. Honestly, who cares about the sex? Except for the fact that Dayna and Mel are lying about it, which makes it way, way worse.
Magan, at last, tells Dayna outright that she and Haley hooked up. I do wish she had done this a bit sooner so she’d have firmer a leg to stand on in whatever Dayna now throws her way. Dayna is likely going to skew this as Magan hiding it from her. Magan also tells her it wasn’t just sex, that there was an emotional connection, too, and that she’s in love with Haley. Dayna flies off the handle immediately. She says Magan did exactly what Magan thought SHE was going to do. She thinks Magan is trying to hate her so she can feel better about her actions. She immediately calls her mom and asks her to get on a flight and come right now.
Dayna is no doubt going to make it seem like what Magan did is no different than what she did with Mel, but Dayna and Mel are choosing to lie! They’re choosing to manipulate! And so much of this all goes back to Dayna and Mel ignoring their partners at the pool. I think so much hurt could have been avoided if that hadn’t happened.
And that’s where this first batch of The Ultimatum: Queer Love season 2 leaves us, with Dayna threatening to go back to Michigan once again. With Pilar and Haley holding their heads in agony. With Marie choosing to believe a poorly lying Mel. And with everyone else comparatively doing pretty okay. The next batch of episodes drops on July 2. What are your predictions?
Comments
Long rant to come:
It was funny how often people threw around the words “growth,” “working on myself/ourselves” – it could have easily been a game of bingo or a drinking game.
Loved how Marie said: “Didn’t just everyone talk about growth?” when some participants were screaming and yelling at each other during the dinner. And puzzlingly, the straight host then said she had seen so much growth?? After all the fighting and yelling? I’m so confused.
Also, why do people use the words “trauma” and “trigger” so much for random situations? Not just in this show. These words are way overused and not accurate for most moments. Same with “codependent.”
I also have to remind myself again and again that this is a reality television show and the straight host not a mediator. I wish these people had a mediator or a therapist, but the point of the show is not good communication but loud conflict.
There are so many instances in which a conflict could have gone differently if one person had asked a question instead of getting angry and declaring that they always do this. Like asking: “What does showing up look like for you?” Because Marita and Ashley have so different definition of what that is and I feel they are not speaking about the same thing.
Further, I wish people would not use the words “always” and “never” in conflicts but give specific examples of the behavior they dislike. And also saying “You’ll always be in my life” to a person you lived with for three weeks is kind of wild? Many people get married and then divorced, and their ex-spouse is not in their lives any more at all. It sounds so premature???
WHY IS MEL LYING INDEED. Didn’t they all watch season one to see how well that turned out with people LYING ON CAMERA?!
If I met Dayna in real life, I would try to go away as far as possible. Would never want her to attack and yell at me which she seems to do on the regular with people.
Dayna: “I’m not a good idea girl” – Me: “So true.”
“Magan wants kids – she’s Lebanese and comes from a culture that emphasizes the importance of it.“ Sure but there are also Lebanese people who don’t want kids. It is fine if these are Magan’s reasons for having kids, I guess I just want to say… Not everyone from a specific culture wants the same things?
In the car, Kyle speaks about the kiss in the words “it happened” as if there were not one/two people who actively did something. Not “Pilar kissed me” or “Pilar and I kissed” or anything like that. Like Bridget, I ask: “It HAPPENED? What does that mean?”
With all the meals in this show, I wonder: where are all the vegetarian and vegan lesbians???
“Joanna ‘Has Never Seen The L Word’ Garcia Swisher” – haha, I just want to point out that Alison Bechdel also never watched The L Word and is very gay, unlike the straight host!
In the beginning, Magan was all like “If my girlfriend had sex with someone else, I don’t know if there is a coming back from that…” – she was so jealous! And now she passes judgement while also having had sex with her – ahem- “trial wife”? But disclosing that so very late? What is happening?
I somehow get the impression that AJ wants to be a provider and wants Britney to be a housewife? Even though she is saying she would never take that work away for her, but all the other things AJ is saying… I don’t know…
“I don’t FULLY understand what Haley means here when she talks about how she and Magan decided that if Pilar and Dayna were feeling the way that she and Magan were feeling then they would have regrets coming out of the experience if they didn’t explore whatever it is they wanted to do coming into the experience…“ – As I understood it, it was a bad justification for “we wanted to have sex” wrapped in a “we thought you’d be sorry if you didn’t and so we did the same” … Kind of: we did it for your sake almost!
Okay, a wrap on this enormous rant. Thank you Kayla for the funny recap!!
I’m only following this show through your updates and know I’m confusing bits of it, but woo the drama between Dayna and Magan is WILD.
Hopefully I can remember the juicy bits for the next recap lol
I do not understand this show at all! Are they meant to hook up with their trial wives, or not? Are they supposed to get close and flirt, but not have sex? Does each couple set their own rules for it? Do they really fall in love with the new person in 3 weeks??? I don’t watch it, I’m poly and honestly don’t understand, but the recaps are a (confusing) blast!
It’s an option, technically. Buttttt… each couple can set their own rules for what they are comfortable with for their partner to do in their trial marriage, but the show sort of presents it to us as if everything is on the table for everyone and don’t tell us what the couples have decided. It is confusing in the show too, I wish that a contingency of it was that everything had to be on the table for MAX DRAMA.
i love this show as captured by your recaps. britney for the win, which doesnt include AJ imo!
I love these recaps! You give AJ an easy time though – she’s funny, charismatic and a good person at heart but alongside Marita she is the only one who never reflects on herself and just the other person in the relationship. And the other person is BRITNEY. Who is fantastic.
Coming in stating she is not ready because she wants to be able to be good enough for Britney and be a better provider but then telling Britney the thing she liked about her trial marriage was that she was always at home and made her breakfast/ran her errands aka or you could just make less and centre me is not it.
At one point Britney even makes this impassioned speech about how she is trying to see things through AJs lens and instead of reciprocating she just says “thanks” and we move to intense handholding whils Under Blankets on the Couch (TM)
Is anyone else wondering what sidechats are happening when the masc women hit the apartment gym?
Also the role online had to play here is super interesting- the Spotify playlist, the blocking! It feels like the programme has about 50% of the story as that half is happening in the real world(!)
I also enjoy a sort of gay community bingo with this show. The undercuts, the chains, the mullets, gay buns, terrible sex puns, the concept of having a smart t shirt. I recognise and have love for it all.
im still thinking about mal saying ‘do u want n*ggas to DIE FOR YOU YOLY’ in season one. one of the best reality tv show lines ever.
regarding this season, i feel so sad for pilar!! but genuinely its beautiful to see magan coming to life and finding safety and joy with haley. dayna seems like an exhausting person to be in a rlship with, and im so happy that magan is just completely done with it.
i find bridget to be sooo cute, i love her smile and her hair and their soft but decisive personality.
The producers HAD TO HAVE OPENED UP SPOTIFY AND LOGGED THAT ISH IN. Why are we acting like it’s witchcraft? That 100 percent was an intentional move my producers.
I wanna note that my wife says you usually get shit right but you get some stuff wrong as far as actual recap- she was asking Britney HOW to eat it off the bone not to eat it for her. With a show like this I feel like it needs to stay true to tone. Also you have a couple typos including in names like “Maria”.
People on previous seasons have made it clear that they are supposed to maintain as little to no contact for the trial marriage, and fully give themselves over to the other person. Producers have an explicit pressure put on them to try to stay true- it’s part of the whole shebang!
Loving the recap, and the comments. But am I the only only one very confised about “tv turning on by itself and opening Spotify with your both accounts open”??? Like what, is this some basic lesbian witchcraft that I have somehow missed…
About Marita x Ashley, I agree they definitely aren’t a good fit for each other, but disagree on the “no one did anything wrong” part. Marita doesn’t seem to be respectful of Ashley at all, from episode 1 where her “wandering eye” was a fact, she also said something about feeling empty around Ashley to justify this wandering eye, looking for something better… 25 is young but you’re not a child nor a teenager, if you’re unhappy in your relationship you can either communicate or leave it, but staying and making your gf feel like she is a poor excuse for a gf… It just sucks, it’s direspectful and hurtful.
And in episode 7, the way Marita kept preventing Ashley from finishing her sentence, trying to phrase it as “oh, my love language is the problem ???”, “oh, I’m too much ???”… That was manipulative, direspectful, and not helpful. No wonder Ashley chose to leave after that.
From what they show us it really seems that Marita doesn’t love Ashley. Ashley said that she did love Marita and that her love had been unwavering during their relationship, Marita never responded to that. I don’t think Ashley is stubborn not to buy flowers to someone who acts as if she owes her that while disrespecting all the rest. I just wonder why they stayed together for such a long time ? I think Ashley loved Marita, but why Marita didn’t break up is a mystery to me. What’s funny is that I feel like Marita behaved in the bitter manner some married folks do : like you’re “stuck” with your partner, don’t like how they are anymore, so you try to change them but without any real conversation (meaning : that goes both ways), and if you can’t you’re just bitter with them while looking for a better match to escape the relationship.
Woof thank you so much for these recaps. I watched last season and just hated it so much but wanted to be in the cultural convo, and so I watched a few eps of this season but just couldn’t. I so appreciate how AS recaps for ppl who can’t watch the show aka full detail!!
Absolutely chaos. I like Magan and Haley but I truly don’t understand how living in different cities and being on different ish pages about kids works. I hope for the best for them!!!!
I’m so glad Marita didn’t end up with AJ because tbh she seemed to be getting the villain arch in the first few eps but then when she got paired with Britney things chilled out and I’m really happy for her on that front.
I have to say I am enjoying the show but the weird AI music choices are jarring! It must be AI right? An uncanny valley of almost-real sounding voices singing whatever fit the prompt for that half-minute on screen
Yes, the music is horrible. I didn’t even think of the possibility that it was AI generated, but it makes so much sense. I constantly thought: “Who is in charge of that awful music / thinks this is a good idea for the show?”
thank you, the AI music suuuuucks!
I was so happy to hear HOT TO GO early on, but since then it’s just been god-awful AI music with stupid lyrics based on them clearly feeding the scene dialogue into the AI generator to make these cringe lyrics :(
Would it kill you to pay some music royalties to human musicians out of your budget, Netflix?!
This show is so wild. Thank you for recapping it, hard to keep track of all the intricacies!
Came here to say Britney is too good for this show- she was even stepping into the host role because Joanna “Give Us Nothing” Swisher was not moderating the drama at all!!!! The way she told Dayna you have to talk to other people like they matter? Damn. I do think she and AJ are cute together, but I want to see more introspection from AJ- Britney is not going to be a stay at home wife for you!
I’m honestly hoping everyone leaves alone but with a therapists number.
I am having a wild recap only ride and loving but have to shout out and praise the Jenn Maroney mention !