Sophie comes home worn out from a long day of trying to get Dani to express her emotions to find Maribel wondering about their plans to go to the cinema, probably to see Cats again. Sophie laments that Dani did great with her Dad — but then totally shut down afterwards.
“She processes everything alone,” Sophie cries. “How do I get her to open up to me? I’m about to be her wife.”
Over at Bette Porter 2020 HQ, Bette finishes up a donor call and notices Dani’s come in, allegedly to work on Bette’s speech for The Wing (Bette Porter would TOTALLY 100% do an event at The Wing), but also clearly to CRY. She’s crying about her Dad. Bette gives her a nice motherly hug. I want to hear them bond about their Dads!!!!!
Who’s at the door of Shane’s Hilltop Manor? It’s Quiara. She’s climbed all the way up the hills WITH AN EXPENSIVE BOTTLE OF WHISKEY to let Shane know that she doesn’t need her, she just wants her.
Since she’s here, why not come along to Angie’s play!
It’s time for Angie’s play and all the coolest lesbians in Los Angeles with the most complicated romantic situations have gathered to celebrate Jordi’s debut in “Bugaboo and the Silent One” by the one and only Marja Lewis-Ryan! This play originally ran at the Lounge Theater in Los Angeles and co-starred our very own Jacqueline Toboni.
“Oh, everyone’s here!” Notes Shane, there with her sort-of ex-wife, when Alice Queen of Late Night Piesecki gets the whole theater to scoot over to accommodate her relationship. Bette instructs the row to applaud wildly upon Jordi’s entrance to compensate for years of parental neglect she may never recover from without serious immersive therapy.
“I love how much you love her,” Nat coos to Alice after her enthusiastic clapping.
“I don’t know her,” Alice admits.
“That makes me love you more,” Nat’s outfit kinda matches Alice’s outfit.
Alice reaches over and holds Gigi’s hand and everybody casts a glance of notice before the lights go off and Angie hits the stage — she’s on crew, changing the set, but Uncle Shane and Earthmother Alice fully get up to take cell phone pictures WITH FLASH and it’s so cute and loving!!
“She moved the FUCK out of that prison cot,” Alice reviews the show.
Cut to the post-show, where we find Angie gushing to Jordi about how amazing she is and Jordi cutely thanking her for “you know” and wow Bette brought FLOWERS for JORDI, I’m crying watching it the second time what’s wrong with my ovaries. Shane notices, because of course she does, that Angie likes Jordi.
“I think she likes you too,” says Shane, who must’ve listened really close to Jordi because that’s Shane’s Rule for Finding Out How Much a Girl Likes You. Also Shane and Angie have a secret handshake. Quiara gives Shane the “wow but you’re good with kids!” look. You know the one.
Finley and Tess are playing a two-man game of I’ve Never, continuing this franchise’s unfortunate tradition of showing intuitive but regretfully inaccurate representations of how to best play “I’ve Never.” They’re both already bombed.
“Never have I ever fucked a priest,” plays Tess.
“Never have I ever had a girlfriend,” reveals Finley.
Finley states what we all know to be true: “Lena sucks” and also “you’re so much better than her.” And then.
Lesbian Sexy Moment #14: Drunk In Love
The Players: Finley and Tess
The Pick-Up: “You’re so much better than everyone, actually. You’re like the only person who made me feel good today.”
Hot or Not? Is the sex scene itself hot? My friends, it is! Is the situation (Tess being drunk and heartbroken after two years of sobriety and Finley also possibly being an alcoholic) hot? My friends, it is not! But damn we’ve got a shirt off, sports-bra off, pits out, fingers sucked, face in, boobs out, panting, screaming, kissing, head between. the. legs. shaking back. and forth. face. fucking!!!!!! And they’re playing “Dress” by Sylvan Esso! Always great to see sex scenes to songs you’ve had sex to!
It bears mentioning, here, that in my interview with Marja, she told me she’d asked Jamie Clayton “what’s next” in terms of trans representation, and Jamie said she wanted her character to be cis. So, that’s what this scene is supposed to be — just two drunk cis women having sex! However, according to our database — it remains the second-ever lesbian sex scene on network or cable television between a cis actress and a trans woman actress (the first was also Jamie Clayton, playing Nomi in Sense8) and if her character was trans, it’d be the third between a trans and a cis woman character (Maura Pfefferman had same-sex sex scenes in Transparent, but she was played by a cis male actor). It’d be the fourth cis woman / trans woman lesbian make out (the third would be Rue and Jules on Euphoria) on television. It’d also be the first between a masc woman and a trans woman character. (I’m not counting webseries FYI)
Which brings us to the very unfortunate ending to this otherwise mostly fortunate episode where Felcity’s husband is wasted and has stalked Bette “the next mayor of Los Angeles” Porter to her child’s school play. Somebody find this man a hobby! Remember when Adama on Battlestar just like, made a model ship in a bottle for an entire season?
“Hey, Bette Porter! I know you’re still fucking my wife, where is she???” He yells. He rushes towards her and shoves Angie to the ground to get at Bette, who eventually fights him off, causing him to tumble down the stairs of the school building, knocking him out. He’s still alive, but. FUCK. Bette is calling 9-1-1.
The Round Up:
Sexy Moments: 3 this episode, 14 total
Squabbles: 4 this episode, 16 total
Throwbacks:Â 0 this episode, 19 total
Quote of the Week: “You know, throuple is such a dumb word. It’s like we never get any good words. Vulva, labia, throuple!” – Alice
