The Comment Awards Are Brewing Beer to Make Men Sad

Hi there, campers! Did you know that right now, today, you can log off of twitter? You can! I believe in you! Pet a dog or something! Read all of the amazing Bad Behavior essays on this very website! This intro is not at all connected to me trying to control my twitter addiction, of course. NOT AT ALL.

This week, Laneia brought us the third installment of one of my all-time favorite series, These Shirts.

Heather made Christmas come early and brought her AMAZING A-Camp workshop to print in Alewives: The Women Who Crafted Beer and Split Hell Wide Open.

Not sure what to do about that leather harness languishing in your top drawer? Cee’s got some advice on leather care.

Wow, y’all, this has been a journey: I first found Autostraddle five whole years ago thanks to Heather Hogan’s Pretty Little Liars recaps, and now Ashley Benson is dating Cara Delevigne. Twenty-Gayteen truly continues to give with both hands.

Erin’s back with another installment of Straight People Watch. Hey, someone’s gotta keep an eye on those gender reveal parties and gun-toting family portraits! I’m so glad it isn’t me.

This was beautiful.

And then there were your comments!

On Straight People Watch: Summer 2018:

The Garden of Earthly Delights Award to Snaelle:

Now wanting to take signs with me to stick over every gendered washroom sign. Pomegranates and Melons Cucumbers and Zucchinis Mustard and Mayonnaise And watch only straight ppl dance around in pee-anxiety.

The WWDD Award to Rocío and BettyOnIt:

Rocio: Every day we stray further from Darren. / BettyOnIt: OMD

And the Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Straight Folks Award to shamblebot:

Get Me Pregnant or Let Me Go is like the straight version of Take Me or Leave Me

On I Made All My Friends Reenact The Planet from “The L Word” Again and Can Whoever Killed Jenny Please Come Kill Me:

The In Treatment Award to Denise:

I think you guys need to meet every day for a codependents anonymous meeting.

And the Schectitude Award to Sally and Donna M:

I laughed out loud probably more times than was healthy reading this. If you make part 3, is there any chance someone would be able to dress as the glands, sweetbreads & variety meats that Jenny writes that she wants to give Tim. This is a special request on behalf of my wife, who would dearly love to spend every day doing L Word dress-up.

On BREAKING: Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson Are Definitely Dating, Kisses! -A:

The Shane-Off Award to Kristana:

[Photo of Kristen Stewart with that one Victoria's Secret model whose name and face I don't remember] "I'm the Shane of real life." [Photo of Cara Delevigne and Ashley Benson] "Hold my craft brewery beer."

And the I’m Gonna Let You Finish, Taylor, But Award to Taylor:

Saw them a couple weeks ago at Disneyland, they were definitely gaying together!

On Lez Liberty Lit: Literary Manspreading, Now for Women Too:

The Enthusiasm! Award to snowvsasphalt:

Stop using so many exclamation marks,

And on Alewives: The Women Who Crafted Beer and Split Hell Wide Open:

The Hoppy Alewife Award to Alecia and Linnea:

Alecia: This makes me want to start my own brewery and make men’s souls sad. / Linnea: I was chatting with an herbalist friend of mine recently about the health benefits of hops and their place in mythology as a plant very closely tied to fertility & women’s bodies. It’s so absurd then to think abt how super hoppy beers are markteted now and it’s always like “HOPS OVERLOAD CRUSH IT BRO HOPS ANNIHILATION NOT 4 PUSSIES

See a funny or amazing comment that needs to be here? E-mail me at queergirlblogs [at] gmail [dot] com!

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Darcy

Darcy, a.k.a. Queer Girl, is your number one fan. They're a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of their Gay Agenda. They're living through a pandemic, they're on Twitter, and they think you should drink more water! They also wanna make you laugh.

Darcy has written 376 articles for us.

44 Comments

  1. “Twenty-Gayteen truly continues to give with both hands.”

    You really have the best delivery, qg ?

  3. Rank the starches!
    I got:
    1. Pasta/Noodles
    2. Bread
    3. Potato
    4. Rice
    5. Oatmeal
    6. weird grains like farro

    • I just saw someone ask Deadspin’s Drew Magary about this on Tuesday? Is this some Internet Thing happening or did you see it there too and we just make a strange Venn diagram with Deadspin and Autostraddle in the middle?

      Also
      1. Pasta/Noods
      2. Rice
      3. Potato
      4. Bread
      5. weird ass grains
      6. oatmeal
      …
      n. Quinoa

        • Mmmmm…very strong feelings against Quinoa going around.

          But I think we need to considered a particular thing, maybe a hipster thing or an American thing.

          If you take a look around you will find a bunch of people fascinated and surprised with things like Quinoa (another good example is Nutella). And they all act like they discovered gunpowder and yes, they tried to shove it down your throat like the is greatest thing since sliced bread, but you find yourself scratching your head and saying “Really?! That shit has been around for ages…”

          PD: can somebody explain to me that other stupid hipster shit that is drinking/eating from jars? Never in my life I had a drink from a glass jard and I can’t imagine eating a freaking salad from that.

          • Can’t explain the hipster jar thing. All I can say is that I have vivid childhood memories of drinking orange juice out of my grandmother’s cheese jars turned juice glasses and that was enough for me. It’s yet another thing that my grandmother did for frugal, practical reasons and now it’s suddenly ridiculously expensive and trendy.

            And I like quinoa – I have celiac and I don’t move in hipster circles so I guess I’m just happy to have more grain options.

          • I also would like to defend quinoa with the fact Anglos don’t how to flavour their food especially when it’s something that’s become a “health food”. Most of what they’ve had is maybe got some sea salt in it. I don’t know how quinoa is traditionally done but I add slivers of garlic cloves, celery leaf and some spices in the water.

            The jars trend is a “rustic elegance” thing, I blame pinterest and the craving for authenticity in plastic and prefab world of most folks in the US where a 100 year old house is like rilly old.

            Further back anywhere in America rural folk and poor folks wouldn’t have something fancy like a dinnerware set so yeah jar for glasses because everybody had jars. Canned food wasn’t as trusted(higher spoilage rate) and not everybody had a fridge.

            We have photos, movies, or like Cleo memories of elders using jars instead of glasses from a store bought dinnerware set. And in some rural places they still do use jars for everything because it’s the best made thing they got access to and that’s just like sooo authentically American Daniel Boone would approve. *eyeroll*

          • My loathing of quinoa has to do with the fact that it gives me excruciating stomach pains but it’s so freaking hard to avoid these days, especially in vegetarian food. So yes, hipster trends be damned

        • Ouch I feel ya the coconut as a cooking fat trend right now is dangerous for me and soy is just in fucking everything. If I couldn’t make food from scratch and didn’t like rice I’d be living off cheerios, raw fruit and nuts.

          Hipster trends and health food fads make people not take food allergy and intolerances seriously even if they make getting “rare” things easier.

    • I feel like a very bad German, but:
      1.Pasta
      2.Rice
      3.Bread
      4.Potatoes
      5.Couscous/Bulgur
      6.oatmeal

      Why am I eating so much porridge again?

    • Huh – I kind of like all starches

      1 – rice
      2 – gf pasta
      3 – grits / polenta
      4 – misc uncommon gf grains
      5 – oats

      n. millet

  4. I am truly honored to be rewarded for a joke I thought only I would find funny! This is a blessed website.

  6. I just wanted to mention that it was Madonna‘s birthday this week, and I‘m just glad that she’s still alive.
    Also, we were listening to „Vogue“ at a friend‘s bbq earlier tonight and it gave me a lot of feels due to „Pose“.
    Cheers to Madonna, who once was the scandalous bisexual darling of Hollywood and also purportedly dated Jennifer Grey.

  7. Thank you!!! <3 This made my day, but of course that the credit should go to Erin, for she figured out the name of the Straight White Dude who is in heaven.
    Darren bless you all.

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