The Adventures of Tiny Pineapple 104: Worst Flippin’ Day Ever, Dang It

Friends and lovers, it’s time for another episode of everyone’s favorite bitsy, low-growing tropical fruit: Tiny Pineapple, and his adventures! Before we envelope ourselves in this week’s episode, why not learn a little more about pineapples, from the good folks at Wikipedia. Here’s an excerpt from the section titled “Botany.”

The ovaries develop into berries which coalesce into a large, compact, multiple accessory fruit. The fruit of a pineapple is arranged in two interlocking helices, eight in one direction, thirteen in the other, each being a Fibonacci number.[10]

Pineapple carries out CAM photosynthesis, fixing carbon dioxide at night and storing it as the acid malate and then releasing it during the day, aiding photosynthesis.

What the fresh fuck is a Fibonacci number and why hasn’t anyone on this team already written an article about it in Planet Money-style English that employs simple diagrams and hilariously captioned pictures of unrelated but relevant things which might include kittens?? Jesus you guys I don’t ask for much. And hey, take a second to contemplate what would happen if your ovaries turned into berries that then fused themselves together in a mathematically pleasing way. I mean you’d really have to reevaluate your entire life.

HEY SO OK like I already said, it’s time for the new episode of The Adventures of Tiny Pineapple! And we’re gonna watch it together, here, on this website we call home, Autostraddle. This little moonbeam is titled “Worst Day Ever,” so. You can probably see where this is going.

Bless

Bless

I hope next week’s episode involves a girl on a bike, DeAnne Smith. Maybe you could pull some strings? Think about it. Call me.

Hey there reader friend, if you could be any fruit on this or any planet, what fruit would you long to be? I think you should consult your fruit’s Botany section on Wikipedia before making a commitment. You should always aim for informed decisions, dear friend. I would wish to be a pre-18th century French wild strawberry.

Until next time!

Don’t forget to follow Tiny Pineapple on every relevant social media platform ever: YouTube | Twitter | Facebook |Tumblr | Instagram

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lnj

lnj has written 310 articles for us.

21 Comments

  1. guys, this is probably the most heartbreaking episode Tiny Pineapple will live through. one shouldn’t apologize for their art, but i’d just like to say, i don’t think we realized our power when we were making this.

    but it’s true, right? emotions are the worst, right?

    *cries*

  3. >> What the fresh fuck is a Fibonacci number and why hasn’t anyone on this team already written an article about it in Planet Money-style English that employs simple diagrams and hilariously captioned pictures of unrelated but relevant things which might include kittens??

    On it.

  6. Fibonacci sequence..isn’t that where the number before another number is equal to the third number and so on?

    EX: 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21 and so on and so on. I believe I learned this on the Disney channel on some long forgotten movie. They used it solve the code to something. In the movie they called it the Fibonacci spiral.

    I love you Tiny Pineapple!!!!! Tiny pineapple tuesdays forever!

  7. Laneia, I love so much about your style of writing. It’s almost enough to help me overcome the heartbreak of this episode.

  9. i’m worried people will think i misspelled envelop but i really just thought it would be funny to say envelope ourselves. just need to say that here, officially. thank you for taking this time to get to know me a little better.

  10. This has no pictures of kittens but there is a picture of a pineapple with spirals drawn on it. Also a cauliflower. I’ve never posted links here before, hope this works: http://fabulousfibonacci.blogspot.com/

    And on the theme of tiny fruits and death and numbers I will be the first to nominate an incredible and underrated fruit – the kumquat. This is largely because of Tony Harrison’s kickass poem “A Kumquat for John Keats” which I highly, highly recommend when life’s getting you down. I’d be a kumquat.

    • thank you! it’s the way the fibonacci sequence happens in nature that i need explained to me like i’m 5, so this is perfect.

      KUMQUATS.

  11. Everything I know about the Fibonacci sequence I learned from Mathnet.

    Poor Tiny Pineapple. I hope he finds happiness soon.

  12. So I got a little behind on Tiny Pineapple and I’m so glad I managed to catch up because seriously that was a hole in my life.

    Except now I also feel like a crushed can of pineapple. The best day ever, snatched away in an instant. My heart.

  14. Tiny Pineapple, it’s not the pineapple on the outside but the pineapple on the inside that counts. xx

    (PS. I didn’t realise how much I missed Laneia’s writing until I read this. Thank-you!)

  15. That was a lot of emotions for less than 2 minutes of my life–before noon at that! Next week will be better for you Tiny Pineapple.

Comments are closed.