“Wynonna Earp” Episode 303 Recap: The World Doesn’t End, It Just Feels Like It Does

Previously on Wynonna Earp, knowing he was on death’s door, partner and friend Xavier Dolls used his last burst of fiery dragon energy to destroy Bulshar’s right hand man so that his family might live.

We open this week on one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard with some beautiful extreme close-ups of a tear falling from Wynonna’s eye onto Dolls’ dogtags, which she wears around her neck, and on her mouth as she takes a sip of whiskey to try to dry her tears. When we pan out, Wynonna is drunk in the forest, going full I Know What You Did Last Summer and screaming into the ether for Bulshar to come and get her.

Not too far away, Nicole and Waverly sit by a fire, keeping an ear on the heir but letting her grieve. Waverly is worried, but Nicole reassures her, and Waverly reasons that probably Bulshar doesn’t respond to taunting.

Someone does though, because soon they hear a rustle and run to help their drunken leader.

The someone wasn’t Bulshar, but a Revenant, who came just to see her in mourning, because as we’ve learned, too many stints in hell can burn up whatever is left of a person’s soul. She takes a swing at him but falls, and doesn’t have the energy to shoot him. Or maybe doesn’t have the will to live. Not that she wants to die, or kill herself, she’s just… so tired. And when you’re so emotionally exhausted that your soul feels heavy, doing absolutely nothing, even in the face of danger, is alarmingly tempting.

But luckily, despite her best efforts, Wynonna Earp isn’t an island off the coast of Greece, and her sister and her sister’s girlfriend swoop in and scare the Revenant off. Waverly says no one is allowed to be alone until they’re more in their right minds and have put Dolls to rest.

Also the opening credits are an acoustic cover of Tell That Devil and it HURT MY FEELINGS.

Eh hem. Anyway.

In Shorty’s, Doc finds his lovely vampire friend waiting for him. She heard about Dolls and she’s sorry about it. But also she wants to warn Doc about chasing Wynonna; he’ll be fighting for her the rest of his life, and how can he fight someone who isn’t even there? He calls her Countessa again and asks what she wants and she smirks and says she wants to meet his friends and y’all I like her more/faster than I even liked Doc when he first strolled into town.

But he tells her to shoo so she does, for now.

Waverly and Nicole are at the Homestead talking to a funeral director about caskets and his heteronormative/misogynist ass tries to tell them to start thinking about these things and discussing them with their husbands. Clearly no stranger to this, Nicole hardly misses a beat before taking Waverly’s hand and calling her baby, all while giving this guy a death stare for the ages.

Nicole says she wants a “sky burial” which involves vultures eating your remains and is somehow both the most hippie and most metal thing I’ve ever heard. Waverly says when (if?) she dies, she wants to be buried with Willa and Ward on the Earp family plot. Which is interesting. The way she says it, “Willa and Dad,” it’s like she’s speaking from a place that came before. She wants to be buried with the memory of her sister and father, not with the Willa who tried to kill her and her girlfriend, not the Ward Earp who is revealing himself little by little; the memory of a six-year-old’s daddy and big sister.

Speaking of Ward Earp was The Worst reveals, the asshat only bought plots for Mama and Wynonna. And while I suppose it’s possible he bought the plots sometime between when Wynonna was born and Waverly found them, broseph’s life was in danger literally all the time, so I think it’s more likely he just didn’t consider Waverly truly part of the family. To which I say guhfuckyaself.

Wynonna storms in and Waverly grabs her to try to get her to help them make these decisions, but Wynonna says death is forever so why is there a time limit on these decisions?

And it’s true, that everything seems both urgent and useless after someone dies. We have to hurry up and make the arrangements, make a photo board, plan what my parents horrifyingly called a “mercy meal” — and I know it’s part tradition, part keeping busy so you don’t go insane, but sometimes in the midst of all the hustle it can hit you that it all seems kind of… pointless. But when it comes down to it, it’s these little steps, ANY little steps, that help push you in the direction of mourning, and eventually of healing. Otherwise you could be treading in the Swamp of Sadness until it consumes you.

Wynonna goes outside for some target practice, one of the first activities she did with Dolls, maybe not accidentally. Doc goes out to meet her and she confesses that of all the loss she’s suffered in her life, this one is a real kick to the box — another reference to her early days with Dolls. (It’s how she described him in the pilot.)

Wynonna doesn’t understand exactly what happened, how he died at all, since he seemed okay at first and then he just collapsed; it wasn’t like he burned up from his fireball. Doc isn’t sure either but all Doc knows is that if he hadn’t done what he did, they all would be dead. Xavier Pamela Dolls, without a doubt, saved them all.

Doc tells Wynonna gunslingers who died “with their boots on” were buried with special care, including putting whiskey on their grave, which Doc would then steal because “good liquor should never be wasted on the dead.” Wynonna tells Doc that Dolls was from Arizona, but she figures they were his chosen family, so they’ll bury him here in Purgatory.

Cut to a Bluntline bus (another little throwback) and a man with a star tattoo on his hand steps out.

Back inside, the team decides to have a wake. Waverly starts to list off types of sandwiches and panic-rambling and nervous giggling and it’s just so relatable. Also relatable is when she lashes out at Doc and accuses him of not caring enough, and he responds by throwing a glass across the room, smashing it.

Doc gets up and heads out to Shorty’s to get ready for the wake, pausing at the door as if he’s going to apologize to Waverly, but is unable to, so she just watches him go, also looking like she didn’t mean what she said.

After he’s gone, Wynonna asks what they do now — specifically, she asks Haught. Which surprises Nicole as much as anyone, to be addressed so respectfully, to be given any kind of authority, instead of the constant competition the two seem to be in. Nicole says she has a key to the motel room Dolls was living out of, so she and Waverly are going to go check it out. Wynonna makes an off-hand remark about not even knowing where Dolls was right now, and before Nicole can even finish explaining about the mandatory autopsy, Wynonna is out the door to stop it.

When Doc gets to Shorty’s, he finds it raided of banana liqueur and the drugs Rosita had been trying to make. He goes back upstairs to find Nick from Rookie Blue there, though he does not appear to be the thief. They end up in a standoff and Doc says the bar is closed for a wake but the mystery stranger seems to also be here to mourn Dolls.

Meanwhile, Waverly and Nicole go to Dolls’ motel room and Nicole tells Waverly that they bonded over their traumatic pasts and when Waverly looks up at her inquisitively, she tells the story of her ever-traveling parents leaving her with her aunt and uncle who went to a “festival” in the Ghost River Triangle and the man of shapes from the cliff came and killed everyone. Her parents told her everyone died in a forest fire, but she had nightmares — nightmares Waverly has heard — that didn’t gel with this explanation.

When Misandrist Mercedes and her long white hair had said the name Bulshar, the fog in her memory began to clear and Dolls was helping her figure things out by getting her files. She now remembers that she somehow got herself to the river and somebody (a tiny angel perhaps??) saved her. But she couldn’t save Dolls. Waverly comforts her and promises her that she’s safe and that NONE of this is her fault.

Waverly promises they can find out more if Nicole wants (and probably Waverly won’t hide the results from her :side-eye:) and as soon as they dry Nicole’s tears and get back to work, they find an envelope that says “To Wynonna. For when I’m gone.” And I’m a sucker for a note left behind so I was already a mess by this point.

Speaking of Wynonna, she bursts into Black Badge to stop the autopsy but Jeremy isn’t doing one; he knows why Dolls died. Dolls knew, too. Wynonna is FURIOUS that no one ever told her, so she tells Jeremy he’s dead to her and sends him packing. He looks terribly sad about it, but he doesn’t fight her.

The next stop of Wynonna’s rage tour is Shorty’s, where she finds Doc laughing it up with a man who is tied to the bar with twinkly lights. He introduces himself as Quinn and he says he worked at Black Badge with Dolls. He says that everyone BBD experimented on died, and that Dolls lasted longer than everyone else; Quinn is wearing the dog tags of all his fallen friends around his neck. He’s there to mourn Dolls because he saw Jeremy’s coded ad message.

And frankly I don’t like this guy despite his conventionally good looks, because he low-key blames Wynonna for Dolls sticking around Purgatory instead of trying to find a cure, which isn’t fair.

Back in the motel room, Waverly wonders aloud why there’s only a letter for Wynonna, but then interrupts herself to say she knows why. It’s heartbreaking really; she always feels left out. Her parents forgot her birthday, her sister left her alone in Purgatory for years, she’s not in line to be the Earp heir like the rest of her family, her father didn’t get her a burial plot… now this? All she’s ever wanted was the positive attention her family wasn’t giving her — how else do you end up the most liked person in town when your family has such a bad reputation? — so this is just another blow. But in truth, she does know why Wynonna was the only one Dolls left something for.

Waverly is also still processing Nicole’s story, but Nicole doesn’t want her pity. Waverly isn’t feeling pity though, so much as panic. It’s clear to her now that Nicole ending up back in Purgatory wasn’t an accident, but what does that mean? Does it mean we’re all on some pre-written path and don’t have any say in the outcome? Nicole calms her down with a kiss and assures her they’ll be fine as long as they have each other.

While they’re in the middle of promising each other they won’t die anytime soon, they see someone walk by the window… but they’re three floors up. So they run out and the mystery figure steals Waverly’s purse and says, “Call me Katalin” before disappearing. The name sends Waverly’s research senses tingling but surely it can’t be…

But they can’t be late for the wake, so they run back to Shorty’s. Technically it doesn’t seem like they completed their one task of finding Dolls an outfit to wear to be buried in but spoiler alert, that ends up being moot.

Wynonna goes to the morgue to see Dolls, and Nedley is there keeping watch. He reflects on their rocky start and how he grew to really respect Dolls and honestly just him being there, alone, broke my whole entire heart.

During the wake, everyone toasts to Dolls and pass around the many, many sandwiches and share stories and laugh and hold each other and truly celebrate Dolls’ life and what he meant to all of them.

Doc compliments Waverly’s sandwiches and honestly that would have been enough of an apology for Waverly, I think, but he’s grown a lot as a man so he also explicitly apologizes for his anger outburst.

He tells her that one reason he’s been so stoic is because he’s been thinking about his last conversation with Dolls and in retrospect he feels bad for telling a dying man he was going to hell. Waverly comforts Doc, and then tells him about her stolen bag and Katalin. He knows where she is and she is not surprised so they agree to go on a secret mission and they sneak out the basement.

Quinn is drunk and even more of a jerk, blaming Wynonna more for Dolls’ death as if she doesn’t blame herself enough already. Quinn rambles about BBD putting a lot of money into Dolls and that all his other friends’ graves are unmarked, and suddenly Wynonna knows exactly what decision she needs to make.

The wake is then interrupted by some Revenants who are drunk off banana liqueur and going full apeshit (dragonshit?) after taking some of the failed samples of the BBD drugs. Fighting ensues, and Wynonna has a little fight back in her. She even has energy to make quips and cute winks.

On the way to the Gardner house, Doc tells Waverly what she already knows, that this Katalin character is Doc’s wife from… well, from before. Inside, the vampiress is not surprised to see them and is calmly flipping tarot cards. Waverly is SO sassy and Katalin just smirks up at her.

Sizing Waverly up, Katalin flips a card. Temperance, the angel card. (ANGEL THEORY: ACTIVATE) What’s interesting too, is that since this is the Mary-El Tarot deck the Temperance card is depicted with a lion commanding the waves. Temperance is all about balance; light and dark, life and death. So a beast of the land amongst the water works, too. Katalin says the card is upside down and says it means Waverly lacks long-term vision. It also means, according to the internet, that an imbalance in your life might be leading you off-track.

Waverly, full to the brim with the fury of the small, tries to flip the table, but fails miserably. In her frustration, she swipes all the tarot cards off the table, and maybe it’s my imagination, but it sounded to me like the music did a little extra tinkling at that moment. Waverly demands the envelope back and tells Katalin and Doc that even if they have no say in what happens next, even if they’ll all die eventually, the best they can do is learn how to live and work together.

Doc follows Waverly out and Katalin murmurs about Waverly being “something” and stares at the Temperance card like it’s showing her something new.

Back at Shorty’s, Wynonna reaches across the bar for a beer Nicole just poured but Haught stops her. She gives Wynonna some tough love and says the heir needs to get her head out of her ass; she’s not the only one grieving right now. She reaches across the bar and holds her hand, just like she did Waverly’s during Shorty’s funeral, and says she gets it. Anger is easier than sadness. Hot-button rage is easier than heart-wrenching pain. Wynonna looks up at her with a helplessness she doesn’t show very often and confesses what she said to Jeremy; she knows it wasn’t fair, she knows Jeremy is mourning his mentor. So Haught sends her off to fix it.

In the hallway leading up to the Black Badge office, Wynonna is practicing her apology but instead of seeing Jeremy stapling up boxes, she finds Quinn stapling up Jeremy. Quinn is unstable, his eyes rimmed red and full of tears, a gun to Jeremy’s head, and Wynonna talks him down. She rattles off the names of those she’s lost and everyone has a trail of ghosts, and an Arya Stark list of enemies.

Quinn looks at her desperately and asks what he’s supposed to do, and it’s a question she’s asked herself plenty of times, but now Wynonna knows the answer. It’s all they CAN do now. “Live.”

Quinn puts down the gun and cuts Jeremy free. Wynonna sends him off to destroy their blood contracts, and gives him Dolls’ dog tags so he can be with his friends.

Wynonna goes back to the morgue and this time Jeremy is standing watch. Wynonna knows Quinn was right about Black Badge coming back for Dolls’ body, so she knows she has to do what she can to prevent his body from becoming currency.

We cut to Wynonna carrying the tiny box of Dolls’ ashes to the hole they’ve dug on the Homestead property. Her friends, her family, stands around and the saddest song ever plays as they each put a special something in Dolls’ grave and everyone cries, including me.

Doc even puts a bottle of bourbon in the ground, where he can’t steal it back. And Wynonna leaves her key necklace hanging on the gravestone that reads, “He died with his boots on.”

It’s really fucking sad, y’all.

After, the Earp sisters sit by the campfire, yet another throwback to the second episode of the series, and yet not the last. They talk about death and dying, and Waverly tells her that she doesn’t have a spot in the Earp plot but Wynonna shrugs it off; she never had any intention of being buried with Ward and Willa. She says in eighty years her and Waverly will be buried right next to each other right here on the Homestead. (And jokes that Waverly can’t ask if Nicole can come.) Wynonna says Waverly is her favorite person and there’s no way she could bear being away from her again, not even in death.

Waverly gives Wynonna the envelope Dolls left for her, and Wynonna opens it..

Inside is a picture of all of them at a restaurant. Wynonna knows exactly what this message from Dolls means. “Keep going. Keep fighting.”

And seeing this group all together, and Waverly’s beaming face as she’s next to her girl, Wynonna adds that FINE Nicole can be buried with them. But worry not, Nicole wants to be eaten by vultures. The envelope had one more photo in it; it’s a well-worn picture of just Wynonna, which is our final throwback to the second episode of the series, when Wynonna gave Dolls shit for only having a picture of a crater caused by a Tomahawk Missile in his wallet.

Doc’s post-funeral destination is the Gardner house, where Katalin is playing a dangerous game of fireside tarot reading.

They talk about Wyatt and strip down and she cryptically says she’ll do “whatever it takes” and he calls her Kate and frankly her nose isn’t very big at all but hell am I curious about her whole deal.

Overall I think this episode perfectly encapsulates the range of human emotions in times of mourning. The sadness that pierces you and cuts you in a way you know will leave a scar. The guilt about the last conversation you had, or the conversations you didn’t have. The other emotions the tidal wave of grief washes up with it. The necessity of remembering the happy memories, the totality of the time you spent with them; not letting the person you lost become only the moment you lost them. And most importantly the reminder that despite the world-shattering feelings ricocheting around inside, the show, as they say, must go on. Just because Wynonna would rather lie on the forest floor, she can’t, because there are still demons to fight. There are still curses to break. Sisters to love. So even though it’s harder than ever, and the knowledge that the pain will never fully go away can be overwhelming, you cannot give up.

Keep going. Keep fighting.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 302 Recap: In Mourning

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Bulshar rose, Mama Earp showed up (in a prison, here all along), vampires came and went, and the Earp sisters were in a car accident that left Waverly being dragged off by a stranger and Wynonna’s fate unknown.

We learn Wynonna’s fate right away, as she wakes up with her sister’s name on her lips, shivering from the cold, moaning in pain…oh and also she’s hanging from a cliff.

She closes her eyes, giving in to the cold and the pain, when she hears her mother’s voice. She sees a vision of Mama Earp standing at the top of the cliff, yelling at her to snap out of it, to stay sexy and not die on the side of a cliff. Not-the-Mama reminds her that Wynonna knows the rules of survival, she taught them to her herself, so Wynonna goes over them. One, don’t pick up the phone, you know they’re only calling ’cause they’re drunk and alone. Oh wait no sorry those are the New Rules. One, don’t panic. Two, assess the situation calmly. Wynonna looks up and think she can climb 20 feet, but as soon as she puts pressure on her arm, she realizes it’s dislocated. Not-the-Mama reminds her that Waverly is counting on her, and Wynonna goes full Faith-mode and relocates her own shoulder.

Speaking of Waverly, she’s hanging out in a cabin in the woods.

A really yucky Revenant who has definitely spent too much time alone hops into the cabin and tells Waverly that the trees are moving around and the animals are scared so they’re fleeing. He’s had to trap humans for food instead, and he’s acquired a taste for it. Also he has stolen his last victim’s voice and uses it with a terrifying glee.

Down on the cliffside, Wynonna can’t quite reach her gun. Not-the-Mama tells her to leave it, but Wynonna points out that it’s kind of her ~whole thing. (From the point forward I’m going to call Not-the-Mama just Mama because typing all those hyphens is exhausting but know that at no point in this episode is Mama Earp actually here, it’s all just Wynonna projecting.) As Wynonna is trying to work up the courage to leave Peacemaker behind, Mama reminds her of a time she tried to get out of gym class. Wynonna remembers coming home to find her mother staring at the oven with a shotgun in her hand, but Mama remembers telling her she’s a Gibson and that means she’s strong.

Mama says that fear will be what kills her, so Wynonna starts to climb.

Back in Cannibal Cabin, Waverly gets a text from a worried Nicole, and gets stressed that people will come looking for his newest capture, so despite Waverly’s attempts to charm and distracts, he steals Waverly’s voice, Ursula-style, and Vanessa’s Nicole by using Waverly’s voice to convince her everything’s okay.

Wynonna makes it to the top and sees the truck turned over and uses the boost of adrenaline to run to see if her sister is still inside. She sees Waverly’s bloody shawl and the drag-marks and knows she has to go after her baby girl. Mama tells her to stay calm and chill out but Wynonna snaps that unlike her mother, she doesn’t’ leave Waverly behind, ever. (Which is definitely her being defensive because that’s one of the things she carries guilt over, right? One of the reasons she’s so desperate to not do leave her? Because she did. She moved to Greece and left Waverly behind to feel slightly crazy for researching this curse no one would talk to her about.)

But Wynonna does take the chill out part of her mother’s advice and moves on to Rule 3, which is to take inventory. She puts on a coat and picks up a tire iron and takes a swig of whiskey and gets ready to head out. Mama guides her but really it’s her own instincts, and we’re reminded of that when Mama and Wynonna tuck their hair behind their ear at the same time. Wynonna sees so much of herself in her mother, so much of her mother in herself.

At the office formerly known as the Black Badge Division, Jeremy has determined that the Bulshar cult victims didn’t actually die simultaneously, but seconds from each other. So they think they’re maybe looking for The Flash. Nicole, her newly found and presumably fuzzy memories on her mind, asks if they felt any pain.

But the truth is, Jeremy can’t know for sure. He imagines it all happened very fast. Nicole and Dolls police it out for a bit and make a plan to give the Earp sisters some time before diving back in with them. Nicole leaves and Jeremy asks Dolls to confide in him, because he can tell something is wrong. Dolls snaps at him, saying he’s fine and that he’s going to get Doc, but pauses before he leaves to make a Harry Potter reference to put Jeremy at ease.

While wandering through the woods, following Waverly’s trail, Wynonna asks Mama why it was her she took camping, not Willa or Waverly. Now of course, this is only what Wynonna’s in-shock brain can surmise, but she says Willa was Ward’s, Waverly was everyone else’s, but Wynonna was Michelle’s. Wynonna regrets spending that whole trip on her GameBoy, now that she knows it was the last real time she would spend with her mother.

Mama asks where Wynonna’s team is, and we see Wynonna’s fear rearing its head again as Mama tells her that it’s dangerous to rely on others. Wynonna lashes out at her mother, asking her why she left, saying she needed her mother, and Mama lashes back saying, “Alice doesn’t?”

Wynonna accuses her of abandoning her, and just like that she’s gone. It reminds me of the recurring nightmare I had as a kid, where I was on a roller coaster with my mother, but for some reason, in this nightmare, someone had to be driving the roller coaster like it was a car. And inevitably, at the scariest point in the ride, when the strobe lights were flashing and the skeletons were popping up and the car was going the fastest, I would look in the driver’s seat and my mother had just…vanished.

At Shorty’s, Dolls finds Doc and they fight about Alice, about hell, about the point of doing good if the end is the same anyway. But Dolls says they’re not the same, him and Doc. Dolls will do the right thing, regardless of what’s waiting for him after death.

Nicole comes across a hunter near the woods who tells her about the pickup truck crash he saw and Nicole blanches as she realizes whose truck it must be.

They split up, and the hunter follows a voice to the cabin, but Waverly’s voice is too gone to warn him not to step into the cabin and he gets Ghost Ship’d (DEEP CUT it means he got…well, cut deeply…in the throat) and she gets put in a cage while the Revenant…eats him? :shudder:

Doc goes to BBD to find Jeremy and they fight a bit about Dolls’ drugs but before they come to a conclusion, Nicole texts them to ask for help, so Doc runs off with an earpiece Jeremy gave him.

Wynonna finds her sister in the cabin and there’s a much-needed moment of levity while the girls perform a half-mime show, Waverly silently trying to guide Wynonna through the booby traps in the cabin.

Outside, Haught and Doc work together and find Waverly’s shawl, and Nicole worries that Waverly is out there somewhere, cold, tears in her eyes, afraid to worry about anything worse.

Doc says one of “our girls” – OUR GIRLS – got dragged and one walked so he follows the path Wynonna took.

Wynonna can’t get Waverly out of her cage, so Waverly decides that now is the time to silently demand why Wynonna kept the Mama information from her. Wynonna tries to explain but Waverly is so hurt and sad.

But, as soon as Wynonna says she’s going out to fight the Revenant, Waverly reaches for her. Because she’s hurt but she still loves her sister.

Wynonna leaves and says she’ll be back in an mmmbop.

Dolls goes to Jeremy for his dragon drugs, and Jeremy warns him about the side effects but Dolls says it’s his body, his choice, and takes them with him anyway. .

Wynonna goes out to fight the Revenant, and finds that invoking Bulshar’s name spooks him. She runs into the forest and catches him in his own trap, but then gets strung up by her ankles. Luckily Haught and Doc were approaching at that moment, and are relieved to find her alive. Also relieved is Waverly, who finally has her voice back.

Dolls finds them and is happy they’re okay. Nicole wraps Waverly up but good.

But Waverly has to talk to her sister, so once again Nicole lets her go. Waverly asks how long she’s known and Wynonna says always. Waverly heart breaks all over again.

Waverly has heard enough, so she asks Dolls to help her walk to his truck (her leg is busted) and he does.

Nicole assures Wynonna they can get through whatever it is that Waverly is upset about, which is a huge act of kindness coming from her, because Nicole and Wynonna don’t always see eye to eye. Speaking of acts of kindness, Nicole is also going to repel down the cliff to get Peacemaker, because redheads do it better (her words.)

Waverly is sobbing into Dolls’ chest when he starts to sound like he’s in pain and his eyes flash. He tells Waverly Wynonna will need her more than ever soon, and Waverly looks at him with fear in her eyes, wondering what on earth he could mean by that.

Just then, Bulshar’s army man shows up and cuts Nicole’s rope. Wynonna catches it just in time, but it’s her arm strength vs gravity and she’s slipping fast. Doc tries to fight the guy but he turns into a lot of bats?? Or just like…geometric patterns that move like a lot of bats? It’s unclear. But Mr. Parallelogram tells Dolls (who was shooting at him) no mortal weapons can kill him. He points out that with Wynonna and (now, after hobbling over) Waverly holding Nicole up by the rope, he could easily flap flap over there and take all three out at once. Dolls assesses the situation and knows what he has to do. He grabs the man, and dragon breaths him, forming a big ball of fiery death and obliterates Bulshar’s buddy.

Bulshar slow claps from the sidelines and Wynonna goes after him but Doc yells her name before she can shoot him, and in a blink he’s gone.

Wynonna runs back to her friends who are standing around Dolls, who apparently collapsed. Nicole can’t get a pulse, so Wynonna says he needs his drugs, but Waverly knows that won’t help him now.

Dolls is gone.

Wynonna sits with Dolls’ body. Waverly tries to get her to get somewhere warm but Wynonna snaps at her; he hates the woods. She doesn’t want to leave him there alone.

It reminded me of when I was leaving my grandfather’s funeral, just this past March. We had the service in the funeral home, so it was two long days of the wake and the service, and at the end of the day of the service, when we were leaving the funeral home for the last time, I found myself lingering back, even after I said what was supposed to be my final goodbyes. Little by little, my family filed out, but I found myself stalling, looking at Papa, unable to will my feet to move. My older cousin came up to me then and said what I had been feeling without knowing how to say it: “It feels like he should be coming with us.” And that was exactly it. I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t want to leave him there alone.

So even though it’s not the same, I understood Wynonna in this moment. The somewhat irrational feeling that walking away would be abandoning him, even though you know he’s already gone. The strange disconnect that comes from looking at a person’s body, a body that you once hugged and held, and yet knowing the person you hugged and held is not there. It can be a jarring experience even if you didn’t experience the physical and emotional trauma of having to scale a rockface, save your sister, and save your sister’s girlfriend that very same day.

Wynonna tries to say the facts out loud, they wouldn’t have been able to fight Bulshar’s bud, and Dolls saved them. So how is it fair that he’s gone? Wynonna’s vision of Mama comes back, and speaks at the same time as Waverly, saying he’s at peace now. And I think that’s important. When Not-the-Mama was being meanest to her, she parroted Wynonna herself, but when she was being kind, she parroted Waverly. The meanest parts of Wynonna’s brain sound like her mama, the nicest sound like her baby girl.

Tears run down Wynonna’s face as she tries to find some solace in Dolls’ passing. No more pain, no more drugs, no more demons. And she knows it’s time to let him go.

Dolls dying is upsetting for a lot of reasons. Narratively, it will break everyone’s heart. Our friends have lost a buddy, a mentor, a partner. It will be interesting though difficult to watch everyone move through that in the coming weeks.

Outside the narrative, it sucks to lose positive POC representation on the show, especially such a prominent, respected figure. Similar to how, too often, women are “fridged” to progress a man’s story, black people are often sacrificed to save white people. And similar to how “bury your gays” is a trope because losing queer characters to advance straight characters’ plots often instantly and noticeably reduces the representation by half, the same often happens when people of color are killed off shows. And in this political landscape, with the news being one horror story after another, it’s especially hard to watch a black person die on TV, so it was a hard blow to watch Dolls die, even though he wasn’t murdered. Especially for people who don’t go online for bonus content for the shows they want to learn that Shamier worked with the creative team to decide on this departure for his character.

But if you’re reading this recap, you are not a casual viewer of TV, so if you’re looking for light in the darkness, I hope you find it knowing that the show has been met with criticism about its characters of color, and/or lack thereof, and the creative team involved has never backed down from answering questions about this openly and honestly. I hope you find hope in reading the interviews with Shamier and Emily, and watch panels Emily has been on where she talks about diversity and her plans and hopes for increasing it in the show. Because just like the pain Lexa’s death was compounded by the way the creators talked about it before, during, and after, I think you could find comfort (if you want it) in the way the Wynonna Earp folks are talking about Dolls. One of my favorite things Shamier said in his interview was that Dolls, knowing he was dying, had agency over his own body. He chose the way he went out, just like Shamier helped choose how his character left the show.

I believe that having some context will help you understand intent. Because I think intent is important, and I think understanding why someone made a decision can help you figure out if you want to trust them in the future. And of course we have to continue having these conversations and holding the show we love accountable if, say, at the end of the season, things aren’t looking any better than they do now. But I do think that all of these discussions have earned them good faith. The representation we in the queer community have found in Waverly and Nicole has been some of the best we’ve ever had, and the care with which those characters are handled is comforting and truly a relief after all we’ve been through. But we have to hold the show to the same standards when it comes to POC representation as we do LGBTQ+ representation, or else we don’t truly stand for equality. To quote Malala Yousafzai, “We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back.”

And again, if you still feel this is a dealbreaker for you, that is valid and your decision to make. I’m not trying to discount any anger or pain anyone is feeling, and I’m not trying to make excuses or change your mind, I’m just arming you with all the information I have while you’re here. So hopefully that’s how this reads.

If you’ve read my Supergirl recaps of this past season, you’ll know I have no issue calling out an ethos problem when I see one, and I can only speak for myself when I say that I don’t think it’s going to be a pattern we see on the show. One thing Heather has taught me is that there’s room in a relationship with a show (just like in a relationship with a person) to be like, “Hey, I love you, but this thing you did hurt me/my friends/a community of people and here’s why.” And so I do think it’s important to acknowledge that Dolls’ death hurt a lot of people, especially people of color who saw themselves represented in him.

Because of all the discussions mentioned before, I’m apt to trust that this is not a symptom of a larger issue, and that we won’t see something like this happen again. It’s like Wynonna keeping the Mama secret from Waverly. She had her reasons and Wynonna surely didn’t intentionally hurt Waverly, but Waverly was still hurt. Waverly still loves her sister, that’s not going to change, not because of one choice. But they have to talk this out, and both sides have to understand where the other is coming from. Specifically, the person who did the hurting has to listen to the one who was hurt. And while what’s done is done, Wynonna has to realize, seeing how this ended up hurting her sister more than she ever planned, that she can’t do something like this again without risking losing Waverly’s trust forever.

I’m sure this will not be the last conversation we have about Dolls, since he sacrificed himself to save Nicole, Wynonna, and Waverly, and he was an integral part of the team, so his loss will surely be felt throughout the rest of the season. If you’re going with me on this journey, I’ll see you next week. In the meantime, I’ll be here in the comments if you want to talk, vent, share, or just be together.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 301 Recap: The Lady Is a Vamp

Hello and welcome back to our favorite shitshow!! I can’t tell you how happy I am to be here again, especially since the back half of Supergirl was…tough to recap sometimes. I know Wynonna Earp will never do me dirty like that, so I’m full of hope and joy and I feel like a brand new person. This Season Three premiere was a cool breeze off the water after trudging through 100% humidity for months and miles and I feel refreshed and rejuvenated. I have a feeling I’m going to have a lot to say about this episode, so let’s get to it!

Some things to remember from last season before we dive in: Wynonna Earp and Doc had a baby named Alice Michelle who was shipped off to live with Gus for her own safety. Bulshar, the demon who cursed the Earps, was resurrected by his now-dead-again wives. Mama Earp was thought to be MIA but then we learned Wynonna knew where she was. Waverly may not be an Earp but she’s also not a Revenant and frankly it’s unclear exactly how she came to be Wynonna’s sister, but no blood test or origin reveal will change that fact, that they’re sisters. And one other thing we know for sure is Waverly loves Nicole, and Nicole loves her back.

We open this season with the one and only Wynonna Earp on a fucking MECHANICAL BULL. Beer in hand, magical hair flying, riding that bull like it’s what she was born to do. It’s peak Wynonna Earp. And also peak Wynonna Earp.

And then just to prove she’s still OUR Wynonna, she throws up, gets thrown out, then throws down with some Revenants outside.

Waverly and Nicole watch on from their sniper’s nest, teasing each other when Waverly takes the big gun, all in good fun.

Dolls joins Wynonna in kicking the band of Revenant’s asses and chases after the ones that ran away. Waverly nicks one and this time WayHaught’s playful banter turns into steamy smirks and they’re about to kiss…

When Wynonnus Interruptus yells at them to pay attention.

Just like old times.

Also just like old times, this episode is extremely quotable, so while I’ll try not to swipe from the dialogue too much, I have to give a special shout-out to “Welcome to the Dolls house” because it made me snort-laugh. Meanwhile in an adjacent alley, Jeremy leaps out and smacks a Revenant with a sandwich board sign as an alley-oop for Doc to throw some knives into, and all so Wynonna can Peacemaker the shit out of him. The four of them — Wynonna, Dolls, Doc, and Jeremy — walk out of the alley together, bummed they aren’t getting info about Bulshar from the Revenants but still a force to be reckoned with re: putting them down. It’s a very Scooby Gang moment but then just to remind us that the Earp gang is unique, Wynonna trips over the cast off sandwich board sign. Classic.

All in all this opening scene was pretty much everything I love about Wynonna Earp and the perfect way to return after what felt like an eternity-long hiatus.

But things are just getting started. Because across town, on traffic duty, Nedley encounters a party bus on the road into Purgatory. The bus pulls over and a pink sex fog precedes some sexy party people who get off the bus and put Nedley under their spell and have him calling them Master with the flick of a wrist.

Nedley looks up to the sky, lets the bright sun warm his face, and says that it’s about time they encountered some vampires in Purgatory. And the irony of that is not lost on me. I’m pretty particular about my vampire lore (#BuffyorBust) but this show doesn’t do anything the regular way and this episode was a damn romp so I’ll allow it.

Especially because… the next scene. The next scene!!! It’s morning, and Nicole and Waverly are in bed, sleepily coming to consciousness, teasing each other about Shea and Rosita, proving to everyone once and for all that they’ve talked about all of it and it’s all fine.

They kiss in the morning sunlight, together, happy, alive. Which is more than we can say for a lot of queer-lady couples on TV these days. (PS. Melanie Scrofano directed this scene, in case you wanted a reason to love it more.)

But then, Wynonnus Interruptus, leveling up for the new season, distracts Waverly from A WHOLE SEPARATE BUILDING. It’s impressive, truly. What Waverly notices is that Wynonna is up and training, and because she knows her sister, she knows she didn’t wake up at the crack of dawn, which means she’s been training all night. Nicole sends Waverly to check on her sister, understanding her concern, understanding that the Earp Sisters are VERY IMPORTANT TO ME DOT TUMBLR DOT COM.

And anyway, even if Waverly had stayed, Nicole would have had to leave in a few minutes anyway, because she got a call from Nedley to report for duty.

In the barn, Wynonna and Doc are sparring. Wynonna keeps trying to jab him into their old banter, but Doc isn’t really biting. In fact, the only thing he does say is, well, a little biting. A sadness hangs between them, and the tension is only broken by Waverly storming in wearing tiny pjs and a huge fur coat and demanding to know why they’re not sleeping.

We learn that it’s been 19 weeks since the Season 2 finale, and no sign of Bulshar since, though none of them are foolish enough to believe it’s the last they’ve seen of him. Doc leaves to open Shorty’s, which he owns now, leaving the Earp girls to chat. Wynonna says that Doc has been distant, and training with him is the only time they spend together, which is one of the reasons she does it so often. All she can do is keep on keeping on. Waverly assures her that Doc loves her, that they all love her.

Nicole comes in and interrupts their convo (eliciting a joke about the tables being turned) and says it’s all hands on deck, leading the girls to Pussywillows. Waverly reminisces about how their mom used to be in a rodeo show here, before it was Pussywillows.

Before we can get too much more information on that fun fact, Nedley comes out in a neckerchief, insisting that “they” didn’t do this before walking off in a daze. The girls are confused but press on, going inside to find a metric fuckton of dead bodies.

Officer Haught is on the scene, and says it seems like they all died simultaneously by a serrated blade, but there’s no weapon in sight. Plus, based on drag patterns in the blood, it’s clear some of these bodies were positioned in a specific way.

Nicole tells the Earp girls what she learned from the files Dolls gave her, that there’s something called the Cult of Bulshar that Black Badge had been investigating since the 1920s.

While they process the information, Waverly inspects some of the bodies and finds a strange symbol carved into the torso of one of the bodies… a symbol that is not unlike the way some of the bodies are arranged on the floor. She calls Nicole over to see it but as soon as she sees it, she panics. It’s that visceral, animalistic panic, the kind that your body does before your brain catches up. It’s instinctual, it’s instant, and it’s very interesting.

Wynonna chases a shadowy figure out of Pussywillows and finds he left a bloody handprint on an old poster of Mama Earp’s rodeo show so she shouts that she has to go and high-tails it out of there.

Waverly ushers her girlfriend into the bathroom and while Nicole is in the stall catching her breath, Waverly wonders out loud why everyone is acting so wonky today. Her monologue is interrupted by a glamazon who we know to be the head vampire but Waverly thinks might be a survivor of the massacre. Waverly Earp, being the Brave Little Toaster she is, looks up the two feet to meet this woman’s eyes and speaks to her in a reassuring voice, imploring her not to be scared.

But then the vamp puts a spell on sweet Waverly and suddenly she becomes a heart-eyes emoji and calls the vamp (who Nicole tells us is named Petra) beautiful — then notices she doesn’t have a reflection. It’s one of those subtle moments that Dominique Provost-Chalkley adds this little special something to that makes it really stand out. Super cute.

Now, I’m not entirely sure how Petra glamoured Nicole, but there was a period of time during Waverly’s speech where the camera was facing the mirror so maybe Petra slipped in and through the stall to get her? It’s truly not important, just something I noticed.

Over at Shorty’s, Doc finds Jeremy tweaking Dolls’ dragon drugs while dancing to One Direction and while they’re talking about Doc maybe having male postpartum depression, the pink sex fog comes down the stairs, so they run up to see what’s happening. They find a bunch of bitten patrons and next thing we know, Doc is tied up and dragged off and Jeremy is whammied by a vamp. The camera pans to one lady vamp who seems to be overseeing at least part of this operation…

Wynonna meanwhile heads off to find Mama Earp. But she’s not off sitting by a tree — in fact, I’m starting to wonder if that was just a figment of Mama’s imagination — because she’s in prison. Wynonna tries to ask her about Bulshar but she is… a little out of it. She’s talking about voices and shouting into the ether that her daughters are off limits, hardly acknowledging Wynonna’s presence at all.

Wynonna is pissed and tries to talk to the warden about her mother — she never used to hear voices before, for example — but he brushes her off, saying Gus has power of attorney, and he turns to straight-up insulting her when Dolls comes in and calls Wynonna his partner and gets Mama Earp’s heavily redacted files. We learn that Mama was arrested when the girls were small for reasons unknown and they were made to tell Waverly that Mama left of her own volition. Which feels… like a bad choice, Ward. It’s been a long time since I minored in psychology but I feel like “Mama made a mistake and now is paying the consequences” would have a better effect on a wee child than “Mama didn’t feel like being your Mama anymore so she left without telling you why or ever contacting you again.” But I don’t have kids, what do I know.

After Wynonna leaves Dolls to drive home in her own truck, the vampires swoop in around Dolls and tell him they came to watch “the show” aka Bulshar’s takeover. Which I imagine won’t involve hugs and puppies.

Hey remember how Doc was lassoed away? Well when he comes to, he’s tied to a stripper pole in the party bus. The girl from before with the gold face jewelry is tormenting him, saying that THE Doc Holliday would be a good addition to their vampire horde (vampire brood?) but first she wants to make sure it’s really him. And for some reason she decides the best way to do this is to electrocute the heck out of him.

Doc realizes based on her line of attack that probably he knows her. Now, I imagine years in a well combined with elaborate face chains would make someone a little hard to recognize at first, but he’s starting to catch on. He calls her Contessa (or Countessa?) which is clearly correct because she knocks him out again and calls him an asshole.

I like her.

Wynonna arrives back at the homestead to see the pink sex fog oozing out of the barn and while she hopes it’s a pop-up Rihanna concert, it’s in fact a vamp that she immediately vanquishes. She runs into the house to warn her fam but finds the Gay Glam Squad looking pretty ambivalent to her news, and in fact Jeremy is even bummed. They try to tell Wynonna that she has to come to the vampire party, but when she doesn’t seem stoked, Nicole knocks Wynonna out. Waverly says they can just dress her up and deliver her in the coffin the vampire so kindly left for them.

When they get to the party, Waverly and Nicole walk arm in arm, talking crazy while also saying they love each other. Because no altered state will come between them; no alternate universe, no vampire love curse, nothing.

And since they’re both super smart, while they’re talking, they start to fight through the veil. Waverly says it’ll be weird seeing Nicole be a victim, and Nicole agrees, saying she’s not a victim she’s a survivor. Then she says something interesting: that she’s THE survivor. The glamour flickers as they’re separated when Waverly is taken into the VIP area especially for the Original Families of Purgatory.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Dolls opens the coffin to let Wynonna out, and she looks drop dead gorgeous.

Dolls excitedly shows her a vampire kit from the black badge that gives us an important bit of these vampires’ lore: kill the vampire, kill the glamour(s) they cast. So they have a quick stake-making montage until Wynonna is ready to barrel into the party through a window and tell the main vampire to eat a dick. Eat a dick! She said that! To the head vampire! Fuck, I love this show.

Because her priorities are always in order, the first thing Wynonna yells (after the thing about eating a dick) is to ask her sister who her favorite vampire is. Glamoured Waverly is more than happy to rave about Petra again so Dolls shoots Petra in all her shiny-fanny-packed glory, snapping Waverly and Nicole out of it, and giving Haught the wherewithal to throw Peacemaker back to its rightful owner.

Fighting ensues, and in the mayhem, Nicole gets re-charmed, but Waverly goes all NOT MY GIRLFRIEND YOU BITCH on the vamp and Nicole is quickly back on the right side of things.

Outside, Doc escapes his stripper pole and runs into Contessa, who is distracted by the cut on his hand before telling him it’s safer if he stays put. But as soon as she leaves, he super does not stay put. As they have a final showdown before Contessa runs off into the darkness, we learn that she “came back” for him — and I don’t think she meant just now.

Then Doc rolls into the party just in time to kill the last vampire

Just kidding, it’s not the last vampire. There’s one more, the dude who seemed to be the mouthpiece for the group. Instead of dusting this guy though, they decide to send him back to Bulshar as a big ol’ fuck you.

When he does report back to Bulshar, we see a dude who looks like the Man in Black from Westworld aka looks like a real asshole. The man Wynonna saw in Pussywillows appears to be Bulshar’s right-hand man and he shoves some weird ball of something that looks like a bezoar but maybe has the opposite effect down vampy’s throat.

With the vampires dealt with, Wynonna goes to see Doc at the bar. They have a moment together, where the toast to their success and to Alice. That music plays — you know the one — and it builds up and up and then they kiss and a sexy beat drops and I won’t lie to you, I got chills.

The gang (minus Nicole) comes to the bar for some breakfast takeout and talk about what a crazy day/night they had and how weird it was the Doc, Dolls, and Wynonna were all immune to the sex fog. Dolls tells Wynonna that she has something to tell her baby sister so sends the Earp girls on their way and goes to check on Nicole, who is back at the crime scene at Pussywillows.

Nicole has been thinking about all this, about her reaction to the symbol, everything, and admits to Dolls that she thinks she might be a survivor of the Cult of Bulshar.

Wynonna does as Dolls asked and drives Waverly home. She gets as far as telling Waverly her news is about Mama and giving her a prison badge when they get into a HORRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT that sends them FLYING in SLOW MOTION through the air and flipping the truck entirely. Waverly is dragged out of the wreckage by an unseen being, bleeding terribly, screaming her sister’s name.

How’s THAT for a season premiere? I loved this episode so much, I feel like it was everything I was hoping for and more. It had some nods to Buffy but was very clearly Not Buffy. It had all our friends, and some potential new ones. It had WayHaught moments and Earp sister moments, it answered some questions and gave us more to wonder about, and of course, left us on one hell of a cliffhanger.

I’ll see you back at Autostraddle dot com again later this week to update you on the “bonus content” that will be airing on Friday with the official airing of 301 in its regular timeslot (including new credits!!) and then back next week for 302! Let’s talk theories in the comments in the meantime!

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 212 Recap: Where the Wild Things Aren’t

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Wynonna got pregnant but the baby’s parentage is in question, and actually Waverly’s too now that you mention it. There was an evil organization of robed dudes called The Order who want to take the Earp heir for “safekeeping” (I’m so sure). The Iron Witch wished Wynonna away but the queers saved the day. Bobo broke the third seal so evil is nigh (and so is the birth of Wynonna’s baby).

Phew.

We pick up where we left off, with Bobo and the Widows traipsing through the field to release the demon they woke. But they’re interrupted by the small yet mighty Waverly, who launches quips and points her shotgun at the evil trio.

Waverly tries to bait Bobo into admitting he’s her father but he doesn’t bite, just…licks. Her gun. Like the creepo he is. He then grabs her gun from her and a shot is fired but it’s okay because it’s Wynonna here to save her baby girl. But the Demon Clootie is awake now and shielding the trio from Peacemaker’s bullets. Bobo throws a hunk of metal at them with his mind powers and the trio gets away.

Waverly crawls over to Wynonna to check on her and the baby and when it’s clear they’re okay, she slumps down next to her sister and apologizes for everything and wonders if maybe blowing her and her girlfriend and her science buddy up to get her back sort of starts to make up for it?

Wynonna is still mad but she loves her baby sister and now is not the time for “you should have listened to me” squabbles so she pulls Waverly in close. Waverly asks how Bobo could even be back and Wynonna confesses that she kinda sorta died for a minute but she got better and she’s still the goddamn Earp heir. Waverly calls her their only hope.

Now it’s time to check on some of the folks that got dead in the alternate reality to see how they’re faring now, since— based on the exploded hair and them being in the barn still — it seems when reality set back in, everyone was still physically where they left off, like sometimes sleepwalkers act out what they’re doing in their dreams.

And that’s why Dolls wakes up in a body bag. He immediately gets back to work, though, grabbing the plate in the briefcase and heading right for the Homestead, where most of the gang has a lovely little reunion.

They debrief a little and Waverly feels really bad about this whole situation, but Wynonna says they don’t have time for guilt or secrets, not anymore. Just for defeating the Widows, Bobo, and the Demon Clootie. And pee breaks.

Inside, Wynonna shows everybody why she thinks the fancy plate might be the key to defeating Clootie by holding Peacemaker up to it. The symbols on Peacemaker glow bright and then similar symbols start glowing on the plate. They’re connected, and Wynonna knows it’s important. So Wynonna doles out tasks: Jeremy is to figure out where Clootie’s tomb is, Dolls has to find Doc and make sure he’s not dead and also make sure he stays not dead, Nicole is doing a mysterious task for Wynonna that even Waverly doesn’t know about, and Waverly isn’t leaving Wynonna’s side until this baby is born.

Bobo leads the Widows to a mine shaft, where he knows Clootie’s coffin to be. Widow Beth is fucking DELIGHTED about this whole situation, but Widow Mercedes is kind of over it. She watches her sister-wife and her single-minded mission to get her husband back so she can serve him and maybe it’s the brains rotting full out of her skull but Widow Mercedes isn’t feeling the joy.

Beth uncovers the tomb and the first thing her dear husband asks for after his epic nap is a snack — which is totally understandable and I’d totally be on board with it but the snack he wants is Wynonna’s baby so I’m gonna have to go with no on that one. Beth tells Clootie what she’s been squealing for weeks, that she’s ready to serve him. But Widow Mercedes says she wants a separation then separates Clootie’s arm from his body.

And get this: Widow Mercedes was inspired by Wynonna fucking Earp. The woman she’s been trying to best this whole season, she has been impressed with her skills, her wit, and probably her hair; she says Wynonna is ten times the gunslinger Wyatt was and she’s realizing now that the world has changed since they got locked up in that box. She doesn’t have to be the third wife to a tyrant demon sheriff if she doesn’t want to be! And she doesn’t! So she traps Widow Beth and Bobo in the mine with Clootie and takes his ring for herself, and instead of The Widow she’s now single and ready to mingle. And by mingle I mean make enemies of her own. And damn does single look good on her.

If I was writing a thesis on Wynonna Earp — and you know what, maybe someday I will — here is where I would go into the detail of the metaphor of rotting away in a toxic relationship and then finally being free and feeling bright and shiny and new. But this isn’t even one of the Feelings Tangents I want to go on so I’ll have to save that for another day.

Across town, the Iron Witch gets a visit from the Earp sisters, and she is feeling a little sheepish after getting busted with the whole wishing-Wynonna-away thing. She was wrong about them being the reason her sister was dead; she was just hurting is all. Wynonna is mostly over it, she just needs Greta to help them by way of apology. The sisters interrogate Greta about the plate, but all she knows is that Edwin thought it was a shield. Wynonna needs it to be more than that, though.

When Dolls finally finds Doc, he’s standing on the edge of his well, looking in. He looks a little confused and a lot sad; he’s normal, mortal, and he can feel it in his lungs. He looks lost until Dolls says that Bobo is back and Wynonna needs them, which reminds Doc of what’s really important and he hops off his well ledge and goes to help his girl.

At the Iron Witch’s cabin, while she’s off doing her thing, Waverly apologizes to Wynonna again. Wynonna admits that it scared the shit out of her, that Waverly — who was supposed to be the smart one, the good one — screwed up so royally. But she also gets where Waverly was coming from. Waverly didn’t do this TO Wynonna. She did it FOR Nicole.

Seeing her opening, Waverly also chooses now to tell Wynonna that Nicole is married to a “gorgeous lady doctor” but Wynonna doesn’t see the issue; she knows they call her Oblivious Wynonna behind her back but she’s not blind. She’s walked in on enough make-out sessions and seen Haught become a human heart-eyes emoji enough times to know: Nicole loves Waverly.

And now that that’s cleared up there’s one more thing Waverly would like to discuss, since they have this moment alone and not in immediate danger. The DNA results came back and Waverly is not her sister, she’s not an Earp at all. Wynonna has one thing to say about that: “Like hell you’re not.”

You can tell Wynonna (or me) that Waverly is not blood related, that they don’t have two — or hell maybe even on — parent in common, you could tell her that Waverly was formed from clouds and sunshine and rainbows and dropped down from the sky and it wouldn’t matter. She’s Waverly, and she’s her sister.

The Iron Witch comes back in then and Wynonna was right, the plate was made of the same metal that made Peacemaker. So she forged it into a bullet for Wynonna. Bullet. Singular. But Wynonna isn’t worried; she just needs one shot, and she needs it for the Demon Clootie. She also needs to pee. Again.

And I love this so much because a) you never see superheroes or action heroes be like “I need to do this one basic human function before we go into what could be an hours-long battle” but also because it’s a reality of being pregnant. And it’s also hilarious.

As they’re leaving the Iron Witch’s cabin, Wynonna leans over, in more pain, and Waverly realizes it might be almost time to meet her nibling.

Back at Black Badge, Nicole and Jeremy are trying to figure out where the demon’s tomb could be. And I love this scene because look at them! Just two supporting characters, hanging out, together, being helpful and adorable and smart. Just one last scene of the season to remind us that you can put together literally any two of these characters and something new and exciting will happen.

ALSO the dialogue is fucking PERFECTION and encapsulates what is so perfect about this show, on screen and off. Nicole asks Jeremy why he stayed in Purgatory after Black Badge unceremoniously up and vanished, and he says that he stayed because he doesn’t fit in, but no one ever tried to make him. He’s allowed to be his nerdy, goofy, smiley, bubbly, Doc-obsessed self and no one tries to change him. Nicole gets it; she doesn’t talk to her parents anymore, presumably because she’s gay, and moved to this small cowboy-hat-wearing town to work for that dad-est of all sheriffs and yet no one cared that she was in love with Waverly Earp. In fact, most people actively supported it. So she gets it, and she calls him part of the family, and before I can die of found family happiness, Misandrist Mercedes appears.

Officer Haught springs into action, and when Misandrist Mercedes says she’s looking for a weapon, Haught has an idea of what she should do with hers.

But Misandrist Mercedes doesn’t want HER weapon; but she will take these two as bait, because why not.

Waverly is driving the in-labor-or-damn-close-to-it Wynonna back to the homestead (after calling Doc to tell him that Code Rainbow has turned into Code Pot of Gold because these nerds are the best nerds) but they’re interrupted by Misandrist Mercedes, who has a slew of frozen/paralyzed bodies behind her, including Jeremy and Nicole’s.

The sisters get out of the Jeep and face her, eyes steely, not impressed by the new ‘do.

Widow Beth — I guess she’s just Wife Beth now that Clootie is awake — appears then, smudged and disheveled from the mine explosion, but still in the game. She grabs Waverly as Misandrist Mercedes tells Wynonna she wants a weapon and the weapon is Wynonna.

Misandrist Mercedes tells Wynonna to kill Beth so they can work together to defeat Bulshar, which is Demon Clootie’s true name. (Side note, I don’t really understand why the unWidowed Widows call each other Mercedes and Beth…surely they had different names before they stole the Gardiner faces? Maybe they just got used to it while they were faking it. Maybe their real names are like…Girthle and Erdmuthe.)

Anywho, Doc shows up then, just in time, and says that he’s the fastest gunslinger in the west and can surely help. He says that one way to end this would be to kill Wynonna, then no one can use her as a weapon against anyone. Wynonna is afraid he’s still confused, holding onto remnant memories from Doppelgangland, but then he tells Wynonna that when he was dead he saw Wyatt and that he was proud of her, and that they can both go see him, together. Wynonna suddenly seems on board with this plan.

Waverly, meanwhile, HATES this plan. She is squirming and begging them both to stop whatever the hell they think they’re doing. But Doc says they can kill two birds with one stone, and Wynonna tells him to aim high to save the baby, and they didn’t even need to take ten paces…they just shoot.

Wynonna and Doc shoot and Waverly panics but the bullets hit each other just right and Wynonna’s special bullet splits and hits Not Mercedes and Not Beth right in their beautiful foreheads and I guess Mercedes isn’t getting her face back after all.

The spider witches turn into bugs and scurry away, leaving only Bulshar’s ring behind as everyone goes in for hugs of relief.

After Waverly hugs the no-longer-paralyzed Nicole and Jeremy finishes starfish cling hugging Doc, Waverly marches up and slaps Doc right in his mustachioed face and points an angry finger at her sister and tells them to NEVER GIVE US A HEART ATTACK LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN please and thank you.

The fun’s not over though because sure two of the big bads are down, but there are still at least two out there and we’re only halfway through the episode. Because this is Wynonna Earp, where we go big or don’t go at all.

The original birth plan was for Wynonna to be on the homestead so the Revenants wouldn’t be able to interrupt, but they’re out of time now so they opt for Shorty’s instead. Before they go in, Waverly and Nicole share a cute little moment where Nicole says she has to go do the thing for Wynonna, and tells Waverly to be there for her sister and to support her choices. They kiss goodbye, and it’s very sweet.

And there are more scenes to support this later, but I want to take this time to point out how special moments like this are. Because Waverly and Nicole are girlfriends, and they act like it. Not every conversation they have is about their relationship, not every kiss they share is this big dramatic and romantic occasion. Sometimes they’re just kissing goodbye for now because one is going off on a secret mission and the other is about to help her sister give birth. The music doesn’t need to swell every time they touch, because sometimes they’re just holding each other in the background of a scene when two of the big bads turned into a pile of bugs after almost murdering everyone. That’s not to say the big moments aren’t important — they’re very important, and always so beautifully and lovingly done. But the little moments mean so much to me. It’s what proves to me that this show didn’t make Waverly and Nicole queer to tick the little box next to “LGBTQ+” just to say they did it. They don’t just want to have queer representation on their show, they genuinely want to represent us. And every part of us — the falling in love and the kissing and the sexytimes and the “I love you”s, but also the fights and the fears and the secrets and the comforting, even when they’re not the center of the scene. (Also proven by the fact that Jeremy and Rosita are also queer, and who knows who else tbh.)

There are only a handful of TV shows that I have felt like this about, that instead of feeling like I’m getting a last-minute pity invite just because I heard about the party, I feel like I was invited in the first place, and welcomed as part of the family.

It’s a subtle difference, but it’s an important one.

So Waverly goes inside Shorty’s, and Rosita comes upstairs. They’re going to help Wynonna have the baby while Doc and Jeremy go to the tomb to see what’s what. Wynonna apologizes to Rosita, and Rosita seems to forgive her, saying she has her back.

She runs off to make a tincture for Wynonna when she starts shouting for whiskey, leaving the Earp sisters to have another bonding moment, where Waverly tells Wynonna she knows Wynonna has decided to give up the baby. That’s where Nicole has been, helping orchestrate getting the baby out of Purgatory. Waverly is most upset that Wynonna didn’t tell her; but Wynonna wanted to wait as long as possible because she knew it would make Waverly sad. And besides, they don’t even know if Waverly can leave the Ghost River Triangle. Waverly is surprised when Wynonna says this; she had mentioned she wasn’t an Earp, she hadn’t mentioned suspecting she was part Revenant.

Wynonna asks if it’s Bobo, but Waverly honestly doesn’t know. And she doesn’t know what it would mean for her if he was. But Wynonna doesn’t think it means anything; and besides, if she is half Revenant, and the baby is too, they’ll have that in common.

Speaking of Revenants, Rosita comes back just then and smashes Waverly’s head onto the pool table, knocking her out.

SMASHES.

WAVERLY’S HEAD.

ROSITA.

Rosita is fed up and scared and doesn’t care that Wynonna is sorry that she reacted poorly to finding out Rosita was a Revenant. Rosita says the baby could be her key to being truly protected, since she can’t trust Doc to keep her safe anymore. So she promises the baby will survive, but she can’t promise Wynonna will.

Wynonna is mad about it but what can she do? She’s actively giving birth on a pool table. So she just snarks at Rosita, and warns her that when this is over, she will never stop hunting her. Wynonna does have one request, and it’s that Rosita let Waverly go. But Waverly is awake now and she’s not going anywhere…and she has Peacemaker.

Waverly is shaking and Rosita is shaking and she thinks Waverly won’t do it, but she will. Unfortunately the first time she pulls the trigger, nothing happens. Rosita is scared, not committed to this whole being bad thing, just trying to save her own ass, but she tries to reason why this won’t work; Waverly isn’t 27, she’s not the heir, she can’t do this. But Wynonna tells her otherwise: She is Waverly Earp, DNA be damned. And she’s the best of us. And she’s part of Wynonna.

Rosita makes one last attempt to save herself, confessing to Waverly that she really liked her. Maybe in another life they could have been great friends. But Wynonna shouts at Peacemaker to work dammit and so Peacemaker glows blue for Waverly and she pulls the trigger again. Rosita is only nicked on the side of her face — Waverly’s aim is likely better with a shotgun/when she’s not shooting at her friend — but Rosita knows she’s beat, so she runs off.

And I have so many questions. I know Peacemaker has a mind of its own — adorably, after Waverly is done scaring Rosita off and saying she liked the gun, Peacemaker sizzled her a little so she had to drop it and she told it to make up its mind. It was done having guests. But what do the colors mean? When the gun glowed blue to shoot Willa, I thought it had to do with who Willa was. But now that it glowed blue again for Waverly shooting at Rosita, I’m wondering if it has more to do with how the person holding Peacemaker was feeling. Neither Earp girl wanted to shoot their target at the time of the blue glow, and they both cared about the person on the other end of it. But they were also protecting someone at the time; Wynonna only shot Willa to protect her from the tentacle monster and also the whole town, and Waverly was only shooting at Rosita to protect Wynonna and the baby. Is Peacemaker just putting on its finale best?!

Thank Gooverly we have a third season, there’s a lot I still need to know.

Okay I guess we can check in on the boys while Wynonna has her baby (we are blessed with not having to watch an actual labor/delivery scene; Orphan Black was graphic enough to last me a while, thanks).

Dolls was heading off to get Wynonna’s doctor but ran into Ewan and the Order, who killed aforementioned doctor and wants to raise the baby themselves. Ewan is being a real tufted titmouse so Dolls eventually just dragons them all, presumably to death.

Doc and Jeremy find Bobo at the mine shaft, and he says he promised Waverly as Bulshar’s new wife since his last three are now dust. Doc and Jeremy super hate this plan, so they fight, and Bobo threatens Jeremy and his body full of metal from an accident when he was little, but his gun is plastic and knocks him over, giving Doc enough time to get the upper hand and end up impaling Bobo on some spikes.

Okay Wynonna is done giving birth so we can go back to her and her little nugget.

The Revenants are coming and Waverly goes to take the baby but Wynonna starts to cry. She doesn’t want to give the baby up. She planned for who would take the baby where, she planned on how to protect the baby from this cursed life she leads, she never planned to love the baby.

But she does.

And maybe she would have kept the baby, in another life, but it’s another choice the curse took away from her.

She tells the baby they’re the coolest thing she’s ever done and that they are going to have a better life than Wynonna had. She starts to give the baby to Waverly and the baby cries and Wynonna cries and Waverly cries and I cry and everyone’s crying.

Wynonna sends Waverly off, telling her to make sure Doc gets to say goodbye to the baby, and as Waverly leaves to bring the baby to the getaway car Nicole is waiting in, she stops and tells her sister that she was wrong; Wynonna is the best of us.

Melanie Scrofano this season has been a force to be reckoned with. Her comedic timing has always been on point, and she was more active nine months pregnant than I’ve ever been (she gave birth less than a week after shooting her last scene), but the emotional labor (no pun intended) she put into this season is truly astounding. Every angry glare, every loving smile, every broken-down tear shed was acted from her toes to the ends of her perfect hair. Her face can, and does, convey more emotions in one wordless shot than some actors do over their entire career. She’s phenomenal and I know this is a queer website so I talk mostly about my queer feelings about the queer relationships but I just want you to know that I am constantly astounded by Melanie Scrofano and the way she plays Wynonna with such depth and skill.

And Wynonna herself is truly the best of us. She’s a mess sometimes but she owns it. She’ll ask for help when she needs it, she relies on her team. She tries to do what’s right but admits when she fails. She’s funny and she’s tough and she’s stronger even than she knows, but she’s vulnerable and scared and she’ll cry in her sister’s lap when she feels lost. She finds value in what she does and the choices she makes and the feelings she has, not in how other people see her. She is feminism, personified. She’s inspiring, to me and apparently even to evil witches.

I know the show is coming back for another season, I don’t know why I feel like I need to give so many soliloquies, I just love this show a lot, okay?!

Nicole drives Waverly and the baby to the town line, and Nicole is ready to take them back into the Ghost River Triangle if either of them start to burn.

Waverly and the baby walk out, Waverly’s head held high and her steps purposeful and not hesitant at all. Probably Nicole should have gone with her, but also maybe Waverly needed to do this alone. Either way, she takes a few steps and looks down at her nibling and both of them are just fine. Doc is the baby’s father, and Bobo isn’t hers. Though the DNA test did prove she wasn’t an Earp, so one question answered but ten more left unknown.

Waverly doesn’t know what this makes her, but Nicole has a one-word answer for her: Extraordinary.

Which is also how I would describe the two of them together and separately and this show and everyone involved in it. Truly extraordinary.

And then just to prove my point, on the way back to the car, Waverly asks Nicole, with love and jest in her voice, how her divorce is coming along. Nicole laughs and says she’s on it. IT’S FUCKING PERFECT.

Eh hem. Okay so the Revenants make it into Shorty’s but the baby is already safe so she just shoots them all, Dolls appearing by her side like old times.

Jeremy and Doc are still with shish-ke-Bobo when Jeremy tells Doc that WayHaught has his kid and he needs to go to them right now. He gives Doc coordinates and Doc is like, “Wait I didn’t see you get a text or a phone call? Also did you say you were way hot? Do you need my hat for shade?” but Jeremy implies that after his aforementioned accident perhaps he got a little more than just some metal rods, and maybe Black Badge recruited him for his brain in a different way than we originally thought.

Waverly and Nicole are waiting in the field when a helicopter they hope is friendly lands nearby.

And it is friendly, it’s Perry, who is using his obscene wealth to thank Wynonna for saving his life and help her baby get to safety; along with the helicopter, he brought some private security and a wet nurse and his kind smile and I dunno I have a weird soft spot for him. Any chance he’s bi and wants to date Jeremy? Surely Team Wynonna could use a resident rich guy now that Black Badge is gone?

Doc runs up just in time to say goodbye, and Waverly assures him the baby will be safe, because guess who’s going to raise her: GUS GIBSON. And Gus raised our Waverly so this baby is going to be just fine.

Perry takes the baby into the helicopter and Waverly cries while Nicole holds her.

Doc walks away, alone. He takes Bobo from his skewer and puts him in his well, poetic justice to say the least. We learn two things before he seals up the well with a blank of wood: Bobo never said he was Waverly’s father, but he does insist she’s kin. And Doc lied about being in heaven like some kind of backwards Buffy; he was in hell and he remembers every second of it.

Doc finds Wynonna and she is making just the saddest face.

They’re parents now, but they no longer have a child. They’re heartbroken, but Wynonna knows she did the right thing. She says she’s going to break this fucking curse — literally, she said “fucking” out loud on my TV — and change the world for her little girl.

Doc asks if she named the baby, and she has; Alice Michelle, after their mothers. And now, why would she do that, you ask? Alice, sure. But Michelle? Michelle abandoned them. Or…did she?

Wynonna says, “Mama Earp is still waiting.” And my eyes went so wide while a woman in voiceover tells a young Wynonna there are men as mean as rattlesnakes and demons as sweet as clover honey.

Jeremy and Waverly are laughing outside Shorty’s and Dolls brings them coffee. Nicole is in her squad car; she has signed her divorce papers (Shae leaving a post-it saying she’ll always love her…) and she’s now looking at a case file about the Cult of Bulshar. The photos look like something out of Jonestown and it surely can’t be good.

She looks up and makes eye contact with Dolls, who nods at her like they have a secret and it’s probably dangerous so I am STRESSED. I’m hoping it just means they’re going to work together, that Dolls gave her that file as a way to say, “What used to be Black Badge vs Purgatory Sheriff’s Department is now just Team Stop Bulshar,” but it’s yet another thing they’ll have to find out. Especially since Nicole also has Bulshar’s ring now.

Nicole gets out of her car and kisses her smiling girlfriend one more time before the season is through, just for good measure.

Then the voiceover speaks of, “him.” Worse than the bad men or the demons, someone Mama Earp knows is real, and knows will rise. And someday Wynonna will believe. And sure enough, Wynonna believes. So she motorcycles out to a little corner of nature and finds a woman and tells her Bulshar is back and she needs to know what to do next. Then she calls her Mama.

MAMA.

Has Wynonna just known where Mama Earp was all this time?! Have they been talking?! Why hasn’t she told Waverly?! How many other secrets does she have?! Is it time for Season Three yet?!

Unfortunately we’ll have to wait til 2018 for Season Three, but words can’t express how happy I am that we have another season of this wild, wacky, emotional journey to go on together. One of my favorite things about this show is that it keeps surprising me. I know I’ve said this before, but I’ve watched so much TV, that I can usually spot the clues before the reveal, whether it’s because they weren’t very subtle or because there was so little going on it was hard not to notice them. But Wynonna Earp always has me in the moment, learning things along with its characters, making me doubt all my theories, even when some prove to be true eventually. There’s always so much going on that sometimes I forget to wonder about things — like what the odds were supernatural supercorperation Black Badge would have a normal human scientist working for them — even though in retrospect it all makes sense. It’s stunning storytelling, written and portrayed by truly spectacular humans, and it came right when we needed it most; a much-needed source of warmth and light right as the world unleashed a new wave of darkness and cold.

Writing these recaps and reading your comments has been as much a part of the joy of this Wynonna Earp experience as watching it — so thank you for being here right alongside me, always ready to flail and theorize and cry and laugh together.

See you in Season Three!

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 211 Recap: Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey

Previously on Wynonna Earp, WYNONNA EARP DISAPPEARED.

AHHHHHHH

Okay okay sorry. Back up. Before that, Nicole got bit my Widow Mercedes and Waverly got the Iron Witch to help her find a way to save her. Unfortunately, that way involved giving the last seal to Widow Beth so she could resurrect her demon husband. Double unfortunately, the cost of dealing with the Iron Witch was that she got to take the demon trophy and make a wish…and her wish was that Wynonna Earp would disappear.

So it seems everyone forgot that Wynonna Earp existed. Except Doc. But he’s in a well.

We open this week mid-chaos, with Nicole and Waverly running through a gunfight, shooting their way through the hoard, making their way to the barn. Jeremy is inside when they get there, and he’s FREAKING OUT. Waverly sounds desperate but sure: she knows how to get Wynonna back, she just hopes it’s not too late.

And then…BOOM. The barn explodes. With three queer people inside. SEND HELP.

But before we discover their fate, we go back to where we left off at the end of the last episode, with Doc in a well, yelling Wynonna’s name. (Also you can see the hole this time that lead to the tunnels he was in when Wynonna went down the well the first time. But that is neither here nor there.)

Stevie, the Revenant Doc was playing poker with last week, calls him on the phone and peeps down the ladder, and Doc starts yelling to be let out. Confused, Stevie asks why he doesn’t just use the ladder, and while I’m laughing so hard I can barely breathe, Doc is scrambling up the ladder. Stevie keeps calling him “boss” and asking if he found his ring yet and Doc is very confused but figures going to the Earp homestead will fix it…but it’s not the Earp Homestead anymore. In fact, Stevie says they’re not even supposed to SAY “Earp” anymore. Instead it’s the Holliday Haus and I bet you can guess who’s in charge.

Doc hears a racket in the barn and Stevie says something about a stubborn girl so, thinking he’s found Wynonna, he storms in. But it’s not Wynonna inside, it’s Rosita.

And she’s shooting Doc’s Wanted posters because she’s not his science girlfriend in this version of reality. She’s his prisoner. She’s been tied up and forced to make drugs for him for the past six months, and she doesn’t remember Wynonna either.

Doc realizes now, exactly what this reality is. That Wynonna isn’t just missing, that she never existed. That she never met Doc, that she never gave him something worth being better for.

Doc asks Rosita if she remembers Waverly Earp, but she only knows a Waverly Gibson. He asks about Xavier Dolls, and she says she knows a Deputy Marshall Dolls who would shoot Doc on sight, so he decides that’s the most similar to the reality he knows. He lets Rosita go and heads for town.

In town, Widow Mercedes is still deteriorating disgustingly in a holding cell, but now it’s in the middle of the Black Badge office. She remembers the original reality, too, and she’s pretty pumped Wynonna is gone. To make things a little less confusing in my little recapper brain, I’m going to start calling the normal timeline Reality and this altered reality Doppelgangland. Okay? Okay.

In Doppelgangland, according to Jeremy and Dolls, Widow Mercedes got caught because she was reckless in her destruction of consecrated grounds, and Dolls assures her that her sister is not long behind. Widow Mercedes isn’t worried though, and is feeling pretty home free now that Wynonna is gone, and starts singing Christmas songs. It’s terrifying.

Dani Kind does unhinged so well.

Doc comes in then, and Jeremy goes full fanboy. (Some things never change.) Dolls aims his gun but Doc has lined his jacket with dynamite as his own scary version of a bulletproof vest. Dolls laments Doc’s favorite weapon, mentioning he’s already blown up things like the lumber yard and Nedley’s house. Doc hates hearing what he’s done in Doppelgangland. He says, “This is who we are without her.” And I can’t help but hope someone tells Wynonna all about this. She could use the ego boost.

Dolls almost has a flash of remembering, but soon goes back to threatening Doc and mocking his mustache. Things are about to come to a head (much to Widow Mercedes’s delight) but then Nicole knocks Doc clean out.

It’s beautiful.

We go with Nicole back to the bullpen, where she’s trying to get her one officer to do things as simple as paperwork right, but he’s no Officer Haught. And technically she’s not either; she’s the Sheriff. Because Nedley…is…DEAD.

And it took me until my second watch to put this together with the comment that Doc blew up Nedley’s house and gosh Doppelgangland is upsetting.

After she’s done telling Nedley she’s trying her best, Nicole noticed that it’s 11:59 and she quickly throws on a bit of lipstick, adjusts her hair, and sits up. And as soon as the clock strikes 12, the music swells and the light glows and Waverly slow-mo walks in.

Waverly came to bring Nicole lunch, which she apparently does every day, so every day she renders Nicole into full hearteyes mode.

Waverly tells Nicole she threw in pickles today and Nicole says that’s fine and she does that classic Season 1, pre-dating thing where she low-key flirts and it’s so smooth Waverly doesn’t always recognize it as flirting. For example, saying Waverly should put her face on the sign to drum up business. But Waverly’s not too worried about business right now because she’s planning on leaving.

Speaking of which, she needs a name change form, because she’s getting married. Nicole starts filling out the form for her, knowing her birthday is September 8th (making her a Virgo, if that’s a thing that means something to you), which Waverly is very flattered by.

Waverly confesses that her real last name is Earp, says “Earp” like it tastes bad, but she was raised by Gus Gibson.

While Nicole is writing,Waverly notices Nicole’s ring and gently touches Nicole’s hand, saying she likes it, that it’s simple. Nicole says it might be simple but marriage is not, but as Waverly touches her hand, she has a moment of almost-lucidity, where she can’t remember why she’s wearing the ring. But then Waverly pulls back and it’s full Doppelgangland again.

Waverly wants reassurance that she’s doing the right thing, getting married. She says she feels a little like she’s running toward a cliff. Nicole, heart in her hand and outstretched toward the tiny girl in front of her, says that when you’re with the right person, you’re not afraid to fall because you believe, together, you can fly.

The eye contact is intense and the soap opera music is intense, and Wynonna and Rosita aren’t around, but the universe knows what is supposed to happen next, Officer Lonnie takes over Doppelgangland’s Interruptus duties.

After Waverly leaves, Lonnie tries to take Nicole’s sandwich because she doesn’t like pickles but Nicole likes the pickles Waverly gives her and–yeah, no, you’re right, I hear it now, sorry.

Anyway, Waverly goes outside to meet up with her fiance. Her fiance that I was just assuming was Champ! I literally didn’t even consider it could be anyone else. But I guess without Wynonna around to catch his eye, he fell for Waverly instead…it’s PERRY.

The rabbit-skinning, accidental-demon-summoning, sweet as pie cutie patootie, Perry.

Waverly can’t bring herself to kiss him on the mouth so she opts for a cheek kiss and a stroll. Waverly isn’t exactly excited to get married but she IS excited to finish her history degree and start traveling. No dead languages, only one degree at a time…poor thing doesn’t know the half of her full potential. Waverly says she thinks something is missing, and Perry thinks it’s closure. That’s why he hired a PI to find out information about her past, which acts as a hair-trigger that sets Waverly off, though even she acknowledges her outburst was a bit odd.

What Perry found out about Waverly’s dad and sister being murdered is that someone involved has stumbled back into town and is at St. Jude’s.

So Waverly puts on her best Spencer Hastings cosplay and goes to find some Clues about her past from this man, who doesn’t react until she calls herself Waverly Earp.

She’s unsure why he knows her, but we know why: It’s because he’s Bobo, and he’d never forget his angel. So it turns out Bobo is another one who remembers Reality, and is surprised to find that Waverly doesn’t know about Wynonna.

And to why he’s not in hell anymore, to be honest. As Waverly reminds Bobo that he murdered Willa, her only sister, when he murdered her father, he sniffs around and can sense the Doppelgangland spell. He can tell it’s not a very deep spell, which explains why Dolls, Nicole, and Waverly have has moments of the veil being lifted.

Waverly isn’t sure what he’s going on about, but there is something she needs to know: Bobo slaughtered her whole family that night…why not her? Bobo says he has a rule all his minions know: “No one harms the baby.”

He sends his angel off with the task of bringing Wynonna back and she leaves, more confused than when she arrived.

Widow Beth, not unlike her sister, is in the same spot she was before the spell. She is kneeling on the charred remains of the church and trying to summon her husband, but Clootie sends her a sign that she can’t do this spell alone. Much to her chagrin.

Waverly makes her way to the basement of Shorty’s, where she finds old Earp documents, her mother’s old wedding dress and a photo of her and Willa as kids. She brushes her finger over the empty space where back in Reality the young Wynonna would have been, almost as if she can sense something or someone is missing.

Back in the Black Badge office, Beth breaks Mercedes out, thus also freeing Doc, who asks Jeremy to try to think about details of his life like when he came to Purgatory to help him believe they’re in an alternate reality. What does it though is Doc saying very sweet and specific things about Jeremy, putting his hat on Jeremy’s head, and asking Jeremy to join him and be a hero.

Frankly he probably could have just done that last part.

On their way out, Jeremy asks Doc on a date, but then chides himself for his awkward timing. It’s very cute.

Still in Shorty’s, Waverly puts on the dress, talking to her long-gone mama, saying she gets now why she left Purgatory.

She hears a noise and runs upstairs with her flower crown and her shotgun and finds herself face to face with the fearsome Doc Holliday. He tries to convince her that he won’t hurt her but she doesn’t quite trust him, but she doesn’t shoot him, either. Dolls comes in and stands off for Doc, and Doc tries to get Waverly to vouch for him but she wants no part in this.

So Doc has no choice but to use his fastest-draw-in-the-west skills and shoots Dolls in the shoulder. But to his dismay, Doppelgangland Dolls isn’t as smart as Reality Dolls, and he’s not wearing his bulletproof vest. Doc runs to him but as soon as he gets by his side, Dolls shoots him back.

Waverly holds Doc and doesn’t know why, but she cares that he’s dying. He tells her to find the Iron Witch, get the Trophy, save Wynonna. With his last breath he calls her “baby girl” and it lifts the cloud again for Waverly, just for a moment.

Waverly holds Doc’s body and cries, and when she looks back, Dolls is gone. (He doesn’t get very far though, and dies with Wynonna’s name on his lips soon after.)

Nicole picks Waverly up and she’s still crying, even though she still doesn’t understand why. Nicole is there to comfort her, and happy to do it.

Waverly, trying to wrap her head around how she’s feeling, asks Nicole if she’s ever met someone and just instantly known you were connected, that you did or would care about them deeply. Nicole knows exactly what she means, though Waverly somehow misses the loving look in Nicole’s eyes. What I love about Nicole’s approach to her feelings about Waverly – and loved about it back in season one – is that she’s not pushy about it. Like I said earlier, she’s just standing there with her heart in her hand, extended toward Waverly. She’s not begging her to take it, she’s not even pointing it out. She’s just standing there, stalwart, ready to give it if she’s asked.

Waverly says the last thing Doc said to her was that she needed to find an Iron Witch, but he sounded pretty literal. Nicole is like well sure, literal demons run amok here, a witch seems legit. Waverly is shocked; no one has ever said it out loud before. It was the unspoken secret of the town, and Nicole was brave enough to put it out there.

Nicole has heard some beaver buzz about an Iron Witch and may be able to accidentally drop a piece of paper with her address on it for Waverly, because she’d do anything to/for Waverly. (Katherine Barrell’s comedic timing is gold.) And then Waverly says Haught smells like vanilla-dipped donuts because we deserve nice things.

And watching these two fall in love all over again in a totally new and different timeline, like their love wasn’t written in the stars, but on their very hearts, was a thing of beauty. And pretty damn rare. Some shows can’t even bother to give us one queer storyline, let alone two queer women destined to find each other regardless of alternate reality, simulation, or AI cities.

So off these destined lovers go, to see the Iron Witch, who is looking worse for wear. She’s wearing an eye patch, her sister is still dead, and this spell is barely a glamour. Things aren’t going as she planned, and she is less than pleased.

Waverly asks about this Wynonna character everyone’s been on about all day, and Greta realizes that everyone who has been touched by the demon would still remember. Which is interesting, because that doesn’t mean Revenant, since Rosita doesn’t remember; just specifically people who had some connection to the Demon Clootie. And Doc because he touched the trophy.

The witch is getting desperate now, but Nicole doesn’t like how she’s touching her girl, so they’re about to leave, but the Iron Witch convinces them to say by offering to lift the glamour for a few seconds. Spotlights find them and they slowly spin around, and for a few moments they remember. Waverly says this is her fault, remembers going to the witch, the witch remembers tricking Waverly. Waverly remembers Wynonna, warm and funny.

Nicole remembers her too, protective. Then Waverly says the two things most true to Waverly in Reality: “I betrayed her, because I love you.”

Waverly is a little overwhelmed at the duality of those realizations but Nicole feels great about it.

When the glamour sets back in, they remember remembering what they just remembered, but they don’t really remember what they remembered. The Iron Witch tells them that the trophy is at the Earp Homestead, so Waverly goes to Bobo for help.

While asking Bobo to help them get through the Revenants, Bobo says something interesting: Wynonna doesn’t exist, Willa is dead, and Waverly is too young to be the heir. AND her lineage isn’t pure. So does that mean Bobo was lying when he said she wasn’t really an Earp before? Was he just saying no one would think she was the heir yet since she’s not 27? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHO/WHAT WAVERLY IS?! I mean I know who she is. Waverly is Waverly! But I’m just dying to know more about where she came from and Mama Earp and if she’s even fully human.

So, Waverly breaks Bobo out and in a scene that will keep me up at night maybe forever, he whips the straps of his untied straightjacket around at people and steals some boots and a big fur coat to complete his look. They get outside and Nicole is waiting for them with her squad car and off they go to Holliday Haus.

Across town, Rosita and Jeremy find each other.

Rosie is sort of undercover Black Badge but after Doc helped him realize reality isn’t what he thinks it is, he gets a conspiracy theory about Black Badge poisoning the water supply. Sorry, kid, the only thing this town’s water is doing is attracting more and more queers to it. But Rosita can’t remember specific details like what she ate for breakfast either, so she’s on board to help him figure out what’s going on.

The Widows, by the way, are still playing their weird Yahtzee ring game and realize that their husband’s body isn’t where they thought it was, they instead they ask their Ouija rings to lead them to someone who would know where he is.

Bobo leads the girls to the pet cemetery in the Homestead’s backyard and tell them to dig up the talisman buried near Pikachu the hamster.

Nicole and Waverly start to dig but then Bobo gets spooked by the Widows hissing his name and floating toward him like creepsters, so he takes off. The Revenants realize Bobo’s back and immediately split into Team Doc vs Team Bobo like Twilight fans in a ship war and chaos breaks out. One Revenant sees Nicole and Waverly and starts toward them, and Nicole shoots him but says maybe it’s time to leave.

Waverly agrees that the ground is too frozen to get the talisman out, but she’s not ready to leave; she has to break that trophy.

So then we see the scene from the beginning, but in more detail, the girls fighting their way through, Waverly mostly hiding behind Nicole, both of them running into the barn. Inside, they find Rosita and Jeremy, and also the barn is lined with explosives.

Waverly gets a phone call and typing it out won’t do it justice but she flat-out tells Perry that she’s about to get blown up and also btw she’s gay baiii.

It’s so fucking cute I can’t stand it. (Nicole agrees.)

Okay so we have four queers in a bomb-laden barn, two sects of Revenants going at it outside, and the Widows have shown up for Bobo. Doc and Dolls are dead, heck Nedley is even dead, and Wynonna is still nowhere to be found.

First to take action is Rosie, who decides she’d be more helpful outside, but promptly gets shot. Quite a bit from the looks on Nicole and Jeremy’s faces. But she’s a Revenant so she’s probably fine, right? Right?? She was actually more helpful before she left though because she told Waverly where the Trophy was.

Waverly grabs it and she thinks she knows what they have to do. They have to die. More specifically, they have to destroy the trophy with fire, and the best way to do that before the fight outside comes inside and they end up getting torn to shreds is to blow up the barn, trophy and all.

Jeremy is kind of freaking out about this plan, but Nicole is decidedly not. You jump, I jump, remember? Waverly looks at Nicole and decides that just in case this doesn’t work and she ends up actually blown up, she might as well get the girl first, so she kisses Nicole, suddenly, boldly, not unlike their first kiss in Reality, just without the couch.

And, boom. Again. But this time we see the aftermath.

And the aftermath is kind of hilarious.

BUT it worked, the timeline is restored, Flashpoint can burn in hell, everything is fine. Nicole starts to apologize to Waverly but there are no tiny hats which means it is not time for the Apology Party, so Waverly kisses her instead.

In a subtle moment, Jeremy, despite still freaking out a little, takes off his jacket and hands it to Nicole (who is only in her hospital gown). He doesn’t make a show of it, he doesn’t even mention it, he just does it while he rattles off his worries about what’s going on in this timeline now that they’re back.

But Waverly knows the first thing they have to do to know if they truly fixed things is find Wynonna.

Unaffected by the switch back to Reality, Bobo makes the Widows promise to try to get the Demon Clootie to break his curse, and in exchange, he breaks the seal. Then he leads them to the new location of the body; which I feel like perhaps he should have waited to break the seal until they dug Clootie up, but you know what, who am I to tell a villain how to vill?

GUESS WHO’S BACK, BACK AGAIN

Wynonna’s back! She wakes up in a field, and no time has passed for her. She was still talking about the plate when she realized she was in a field alone. She tries to take in the quiet with her bebe for a second, but then she sees Bobo and the Widows creeping away and knows that surely can’t be good.

She starts to waddle-run after them, but instead finds the ring, broken, and knows the seal is open. She feels something rumble in her belly and she hears something rumble in the distance and she knows none of this can be good.

And as if to prove the point, the last shot is a mummy-demon-creature eyeball opening.

You know what’s wild? Melanie Scrofano was barely in this entire episode. But Wynonna was present the whole time. Sure, she was technically missing. Sure, she was widely forgotten. But her lack of presence was a presence all its own. She was still the thread that pulled the whole episode together. And I think that’s what lead to the episode feeling like a fun adventure instead of feeling like it was lacking something, instead of feeling like “waiting for Wynonna.” (Even though I did miss Melanie, of course.) This episode wouldn’t have worked if Wynonna wasn’t so dynamic, but it also wouldn’t have worked if the people in her immediate circle weren’t dynamic. I also think this episode was a great study on how even the “bad guys” are complex and three dimensional, and that this cast is truly wonderful, in any and all combinations.

And that Waverly and Nicole are in love forever across time and space. Duh.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 210 Recap: Haught Damn

What. the hell. just. happened. Was this the most intense episode of Wynonna Earp since we got rid of the goo? I think it might have been. At any rate, it was so much fun, and so intense, and I felt all the feelings, so let’s hop on the roller coaster and go through them again, shall we?

Here are the things you have to remember before diving into this week’s episode: two evil witchy sister wives are looking for the third seal that, if broken, will release their demon husband from his grave; the last seal is Doc’s ring that keeps him from aging which he has now given to Wynonna; Waverly kissed Rosita and found out she was a Revenant all in one episode; and Rosita ships WayHaught and sent Waverly over to Nicole’s so they could iron things out.

But it wasn’t Waverly at the door when Nicole opened it, it was Widow Mercedes, and it’s not a social call. We open at the close, with Nicole surprised it’s Mercedes and her bum roll, who comes in the Haught House fists first. Widow Mercedes beats up on Nicole, pinning her to the floor and demanding she give up the seal. But Nicole doesn’t have the seal, so she dishes out sass instead.

Before the Widow can switch her rotting face for Nicole’s, Waverly swoops in, breaks a broom handle in half, and uses her badass stick swinging skills to protect her girl.

Waverly lands some Buffy-esque quips before going all out on Widow Mercedes while Nicole tries to drag herself toward her gun. Before she reaches it though, she sees Widow Mercedes throw Waverly to the ground and try to freeze breath her, so Nicole bounds over the couch and puts Mercedes in a choke hold, which gets her bit.

The bite told her all she needed to know, though, which is that Nicole was telling the truth and that she doesn’t have the ring.

But she’s sure the ring willl be there soon, so she poofs away for now just as Waverly gets the gun to point at her. Seeing the immediate threat is gone, Waverly runs to her girlfriend and holds her, begging Nicole not to die as she calls 911.

Wynonna, meanwhile, is already at the hospital, visiting the real Mercedes, her non-face wrapped up and her doctors’ questions being expertly avoided. (Oh and on the way into the room, Wynonna asked Nedley for his help and he made it very clear he’s on her side, and it was very sweet.)

Wynonna tells Mercedes about the baby, tries to imagine what her reaction would be, tries not to blame herself for one of her only friend’s horrible fate. Dolls comes in and tells her the real Beth is dead, and Wynonna wonders if that might be a blessing, considering how long the Widows kept these faceless women alone in the basement to waste away.

Then, Wynonna hears her baby sister’s voice crying out for help and immediately books it for the hallway.

Waverly is running alongside Nicole’s gourney, begging the doctors to save her, insisting she’s not breathing. Waverly hears a familiar voice and looks up to see the Blacksmith — no, her sister. Her twin.

The doctors won’t let her go with Nicole any farther, but as soon as Waverly’s broken little heart turns around, Wynonna is there to hold her. While she waits for the doctors to tell her what’s going on, she gives Wynonna and Dolls the rundown, starting with the fact that she was going over there because they were fighting. Then her eyes get big and she realizes Nicole could die while they’re fighting and she hasn’t even gotten to apologize for kissing Rostia yet and and and—but Wynonna interrupts her.

First she’s going to say one kiss isn’t cheating, but her surprise at the receiver of the kiss takes over. Waverly is like I KNOW! Rosita is Doc’s girlfriend and also a Revenant and everything is chaos.

Wynonna looks at Dolls, who makes it clear he knew about Rosita, and Wynonna is mad she’s the last to know but now isn’t the time. This part hurt me because it was the first sign that Waverly isn’t thinking clearly. Waverly promised Rosita she wouldn’t tell Wynonna that she was a Revenant, and then she turned around and did exactly that maybe an hour later. Regular Tuesday Waverly wouldn’t have. But Waverly who was just up all night fighting a physical manifestation of the entitled white male ego, Waverly who just had to fight a witch whose husband cursed her family, Waverly whose girlfriend had stopped breathing last time she saw her? Well let’s just say our Waverly isn’t in top decision-making form right now.

Anyway, Wynonna tells Waverly not to worry about Widow Mercedes’ rampage for the seal, because she has it and it’s safe. Waverly is mad no one told her they knew where the third seal was, but Wynonna insists this was safer. Waverly is breaking down because Nicole sure isn’t safe and the only reason she got bitten is because she was trying to save Waverly. She needs some air.

After Waverly is gone, Wynonna asks Dolls to give it to her straight: Nicole got bitten by a venomous witch, how bad is it? Dolls says based on what he saw with Juan Carlos, Nicole has a few hours at most. But Wynonna is determined to keep those bitches from stealing another one of her redheaded friends and says she’ll do whatever it takes to stop this from killing Nicole.

Waverly’s air-getting mission is interrupted by Widow Beth, who Waverly now knows is wearing a stolen face.

Widow Beth tells Waverly she smells “rare” (WHAT DOES IT MEEAAN) and threatens her, forcing Waverly to listen to her proposal: Beth can cure Nicole, but only if Waverly gives Beth the seal. Waverly tries to get out of it by using the gun she took from Nicole’s house (and apparently wandered around the hospital with) but regular old bullets can’t hurt this witch.

Waverly insists she would never betray Wynonna, but Beth just smirks and haughtily walks away. That is to say, she reminds Waverly that Haught is going to die as she walks away.

Waverly goes back inside and Dolls says that the doctors are going to put Nicole in a coma to slow the spread of the toxins, but she won’t go under until she sees Waverly, so Waverly runs.

Before she gets there though, Wynonna comes in to see the patient. The first thing Nicole does is tell Wynonna what Widow Mercedes had said to her, because she’s the best. The second thing she does is ask Wynonna to pull the plug if it comes to that, because she doesn’t want to be a burden on anyone and she knows Waverly would never. She says Wynonna is also the only one Waverly would ever learn to forgive for doing it.

Wynonna reluctantly agrees, though surely she’d rather schedule a night of peppermint schnapps shots once Nicole is better and this baby is born instead.

Waverly rushes in and Wynonna decides now is not a great time for Wynonnus Interruptus so she peaces out. Waverly sits on Nicole’s bed and starts to apologize, but Nicole wants to apologize first. She thought she was doing the right thing, protecting Waverly from the DNA results, but she sees now that lying to her girlfriend hurt them both more than the tests did.

Waverly says they both have plenty to be sorry about, and when Nicole is all better they’ll have an apology party and drown their sorrows in wine and ice cream and then binge The L Word and be glad their fights were never as dramatic as Tina and Bette’s.

Nicole is seriously afraid she’s going to die so she wanted to make it clear that she loves Waverly more than anyone she’s ever loved. Waverly nopes her way out of Feelings Corner and says that they’re going to save Nicole so there’s no need for goodbyes. The doctor comes in and puts Nicole to sleep and Waverly kisses her as she drifts off, just in case.

Waverly goes out to debrief with the team, and is trying to hold it together, but is fraying at the edges. Jeremy says he needs more venom and a test subject, and Waverly is the first to offer herself up.

He says they need someone who isn’t human, and Waverly decides now is not the time to admit she thinks she might not be, so instead she tries to pick up all of Jeremy’s papers instead, flustered, overwhelmed, scared. In doing so, she knocks over Jeremy’s mug (adorkably called Optimug Prime) and Jeremy says it’s fine, he can fix it, but Waverly starts to cry, “Wynonna, what if he can’t?”

It hurts, y’all.

(I do want to note that during this scene, Waverly is still doing The Most to make sure Jeremy doesn’t feel bad; not about being excited about komodo dragons, not about being accidentally insensitive when talking science. She might be miserable but she doesn’t want her misery to spread any more than it has to.)

Wynonna tells her little sister that they all love Nicole, that they’re all going to do everything they can to save her. Waverly asks if maybe they should use the third seal to lure the Widows out, testing the waters to see if she’d be down for Beth’s plan, but Wynonna says it won’t come to that.

She forces Waverly to meet her eyes and asks if she trusts her, if she trust them. Waverly says she does.

So the team has their tasks: Dolls is going to try to learn something from The Order and Juan Carlos’s body, Jeremy is going to do some science, Wynonna and Doc are going to Haught’s House for clues, and Waverly is going to stay by her girlfriend’s side.

Aaand break.

While her team goes off to do their thing, Waverly runs into Beth again.

Waverly knows she can’t trust Beth, but Beth shows her a tempting vial of anti-venom. Beth leaves her with one last threat, and Waverly is all ready to chase after her, but Nedley interrupts. He gives her an awkward dad hug and says he’s going to take care of Nicole’s cat, Calamity Jane. Oh and also, just to warn her, he had to call Nicole’s next of kin. Waverly is confused; Nicole doesn’t speak to her parents. (A tidbit I liked because it’s a detail about Nicole that we didn’t know but obviously Waverly and Nicole have talked about.) But Nedley isn’t talking about her parents…

So Waverly goes to meet this next of kin and finds a sexy doctor instead.

Said doctor explains that she’s actually not NICOLE’S doctor, she’s just A doctor. And she’s Nicole’s wife.

?!?!

More on that later.

Dolls goes to talk to the Order and Ewan wants Wynonna’s baby to “protect” because “others” will come for it but Dolls is like I’m still not even entirely sure who or why you are but your robes are weird and you just burnt all the bodies we could have used to make an anti-venom so pardon me if I don’t hire you to be the Earp Nanny.

Also Ewan drops that it’s possible Black Badge kidnapped Dolls as a little baby dragon? (Or I guess as a baby who they turned into a dragon?) But we don’t have time for that right now, there’s a lesbian on her deathbed. Ewan decides Team Earp is their only hope of killing the witches, so they give back the plate that caused all that hullabaloo a few episodes back, calling it a weapon.

Back at the hospital, Waverly is at Nicole’s bedside, reassuring her that they’re looking for a cure, wondering aloud why Nicole never told her about Shae.

Speaking of Shae, she comes back and Waverly asks how they met. Sweet Waverly might be in bad decision mode right now, but she can’t be cruel to this woman she just met who introduced herself as her girlfriend’s wife. But Shae explains: She and Nicole were rock climbing in Nevada and after a night of Britney Live in Vegas, they got married on a whim.

But things cooled off and they realized they rushed into things. Just then Nicole starts to wake up, and Shae, being a doctor, jumps to check on Nicole, nudging Waverly out of the way. When Nicole’s doctor comes in and asks about allergies, Waverly starts to say she has none, but Shae knows otherwise from a rock climbing accident. Waverly tears up, says she’s making things worse and leaves.

Wynonna goes to Shorty’s and interrupts a Revenant named Stevie trying to get Doc to let him into his basement, and at first Doc is salty about having to give up his ring and giving Wynonna attitude, but as soon as she mentions Nicole is dying and needs their help, he’s on his feet and ready for anything. When he goes to get changed, Wynonna confronts Rosita by putting Peacemaker on the bar.

What’s really heartbreaking is, when Rosita runs through the list of people who know, she decides she doesn’t think it’s Doc, and picks Dolls as the culprit; Waverly never crossed her mind. Waverly promised. Wynonna explains that Waverly is a bit distracted by now, and Rosita seems understanding; she even offers up help if there’s anything she can do.

Wynonna tells her that she can help by going to Black Badge and being their test subject; in exchange, she’ll shoot Rosita last after she gets the rest of the Revenants. Wynonna says she likes her, and would rather not give her this ultimatum, but Nicole needs their help. Rosita is upset; Wynonna came here with her claws out and gun waving around when all she had to do was ask Rosita nicely and she would have said yes anyway. She cares about this band of weirdos, and it hurts to hear that just because she’s a Revenant, Wynonna can’t see that.

Rosita goes to Black Badge and offers up her body for science and Jeremy actively hates this plan. He never intended for his friends to get hurt during this experiment and he doesn’t care that she’s a Revenant. But she grabs the needle and sticks her own self, immediately feeling the pain of it but gritting her teeth and taking it like a bamf.

Waverly and Dolls rush in and are upset Rosita is being tested on and Jeremy says he’s upset too but this was Rosita’s decision. Waverly pulls the IV out of Rosita’s arm and says there has to be another way. She tells them about Beth’s deal, and Jeremy hates that plan even more than he hated the first one, and Waverly doesn’t love it either because she super doesn’t want to betray Wynonna, but Dolls more or less orders her to do just that. He SAYS it’s because if Waverly gets the anti-venom from Widow Beth, Nicole will be better, and then they’ll have their whole team to fight the Demon Clootie, but it seemed very suspicious to me. Because even if he knew Wynonna was kind of thinking about raising the Demon Clootie herself, he’d know she had intended to wait until after the baby was born.

Anyway, Rosita makes a “that’s what she said” joke despite being nearly delirious with venom and pain, proving once again her and Waverly are perfect as best friends, then Dolls offers himself up instead to finish the testing.

Waverly goes see Nicole before she decides anything re: the seal (not that she knows where it is anyway) and kisses Dolls on the cheek to thank him before she goes. Dolls wails a lot more than Rosita and at first I was going to make a joke about how it reminded me of those gifsets of men’s soccer injuries vs women’s soccer injuries but then I remembered that it’s likely Rosita has been to literal hell and back at least once so I’ll give Dolls a pass on this one.

At Haught’s House, Doc and Wynonna find fresh blood on the floor. They hear something in the closet and go to attack it but it’s just good old Calamity Jane.

They put the clues together and realize Nedley must have been attacked when he came to pick up the cat and sure enough, Widow Mercedes has him in a barn, sticking her rotting face into his and threatening him, demanding he give up the seal. He just sasses her like a champ (not to be confused with a Champ), even through literal torture.

Back at the hospital. Shae is telling Waverly that things aren’t looking good for their girl.

She’s starting to get suspicious about their line of work, and Waverly insists she tried to keep Nicole out of danger. Shae scoffs and says that if she thought that was a thing she was capable of doing, she didn’t know Nicole Haught at all. She meant it as a lighthearted comment on Nicole’s character, but she sees it hits a sore spot for Waverly, so she talks to her straight (well, not exactly strai—you know what I mean): Nicole and Shae were a fun fling; they thought it was love but it wasn’t the kind of love that lasts. But Shae knows that what Nicole and Waverly have is special; which implies perhaps Nicole has been talking to her lately which makes it weirder she hadn’t mentioned Shae to Waverly yet, or maybe she just knows it from these conversations with Nicole as she drifts in and out of consciousness, who knows. The point is, like Rosita, like Nedley, like all of us, Shae ships WayHaught.

Shae says her professional opinion is that there’s nothing they can do for Nicole right now unless Waverly has a miracle up her sleeve, but Waverly just might.

Waverly storms out and confronts Greta, the Blacksmith’s sister, the Iron Witch. She calls Nicole “my love” just to hurt me, then says that the iron in Nicole’s blood is shutting down her organs and she needs Greta’s help.

Greta has heard of the Widows, the spider sisters, and of an anti-venom. She says her price will be steep but Waverly is willing to do whatever it takes to save her girl. So they shake on it; another terrible decision even Waverly wouldn’t have condoned if she wasn’t desperate. You never agree to pay a price before you know the cost.

So Greta writes something on a piece of paper and Waverly follows the note to Nedley’s office where she finds Doc’s ring in Nedley’s Dad mug. She realizes now what happened; she was technically being lead to the anti-venom, but by way of the deal with Beth. It’s a rude be-careful-what-you-wish-for trick that Clear Headed Waverly would have seen from a mile away

Doc and Wynonna track the Widow to a giant barn and Doc tries to ask Wynonna to sit this one out but with that voice that knows she won’t say yes, he just has to ask to be a gentleman. Like how I offer to help pay every time I go out to dinner with my parents even though I know they won’t let me. Wynonna does say she’ll stay in the driver’s seat of the truck, but that’s only because her plan is to drive through the barn and plow down Widow Mercedes, which she does with great skill, just as Widow Mercedes wrongly accuses Wynonna of being selfish.

Doc shoots Widow Mercedes a few times, saying it’s for Officer Haught, and then he pistolwhips her for Waverly. Even typing this my heart is swelling up; this former loner cowboy loves his galaxy of women.

And Wynonna gives her a few punches for Nedley, because she’s the only one who gets to torture the only guy she has left that’s something of a father figure (or at least supportive uncle figure) to her THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Wynonna shoots Widow Mercedes in the leg with Peacemaker and has Doc tie her up so they can wheel her into the Purgatory Sheriff’s Office looking like something out of Hannibal. Jeremy tells them they need to extract the venom directly from her veins, and Wynonna goes at her with the big needle without hesitation.

Once they’ve got the anti-venom, Wynonna practically skips down the hallway of the hospital, so proud of what they did, so ready to save Nicole. Btu when she gets to Haught’s hospital room, she sees Nicole sitting up, looking fine, Waverly beside her.

Nicole says it’s a miracle and Wynonna’s eyes dart to Waverly’s face and the guilt plastered over it tells her it’s anything but. I don’t know that I ever truly understood the phrase “her face crumpled” until I saw Wynonna’s do just that. The gift and the curse of Scrofano Face is that you get to see every single moment of Wynonna’s experience here, from the delight that her friend is okay, to the realization that Waverly did something she shouldn’t have, to the understanding that Waverly didn’t trust that she would come through. It’s hard to watch.

Waverly just had to wait, to trust her sister. And she didn’t.

Waverly runs out of the room, upset, and probably scared.

As she should be, because Widow Beth has the ring now and she’s on her way to the burnt remains of the old church and it’s only a matter of time before the Demon Clootie rises.

Waverly goes to Shorty’s, putting herself in a time-out to think about what she’s done.

The Iron Witch flounces is, not caring that Waverly is feeling like her sister will never forgive her.

Which is a fair concern, considering how Wynonna storms into the Black Badge office and tells Dolls that Nicole is fine but Waverly is decidedly not. Dolls seems almost pleased the Widows have the third seal now, and Wynonna adds him to the list of people she’s pissed at when she realizes he knew/supported this plan.

Greta tells Waverly she’s here to claim her prize, and skips over to the demon trophy, which apparently they just keep on the bar at Shorty’s…in plain sight I guess? She grabs it and starts chanting in German. Doc runs in because she got a text from Wynonna that Waverly ran off (because she might be rull mad at her little sister, but she still wants her to be safe) and is concerned to see a woman who looks like the Blacksmith he left to die chanting in German.

Doc steps forward to try to stop her, putting his hand on the trophy as if to pull it away, when he vanishes. Proud of herself, Greta turns to Waverly and explains that this is punishment for the Earp girls being directly responsible, in her mind, for her sister’s death. Her methods are a bit more vindictive (Wynonna would have just put a Peacemaker bullet in her brain) but her motivation — justice for her sister — is more understandable than, say, wanting to raise one’s demon husband from the dead to wreak havoc.

Anyway Greta’s plan is, one sister will disappear, the other will have to live with it.

Wynonna is still mad, but Dolls says he might know the solution and hands Wynonna the plate. She asks what kind of metal the plate is and realizes she might know what they have to do, when the Iron Witch’s spell kicks in and POOF. Wynonna is gone.

Dolls starts to exclaim in confusion but then just puts the plate back in its briefcase and sits down on his laptop.

Similarly, Waverly screams her sister’s name…

…but then forgets who Wynonna is entirely by the time Jeremy comes in to ask her why she’s shouting. Oh and also? Waverly is now dressed like she was in the pilot, Shorty’s crop top, bump-it and all.

She tells Jeremy that they have a wedding to plan, and since she was looking like season one Waverly my first guess was that she was planning her wedding to Champ and man, I know he was relatively harmless, but we JUST got rid of Tucker, and I’m not ready for the return of another punchable face.

Oh and by the way, not everyone forgot Wynonna; Doc still remembers. But he’s back in his well.

Holy stressballs. It looks like we’re about to see a world where the same amount of time has passed since the pilot, but without Wynonna. So I have questions; did Black Badge still come to Purgatory? Is Ward Earp still alive, or is it not a reality-bending spell and just a mind-erasing/memory-changing spell, meaning all the physical things that happened (deaths, for example) still happened? Where is Wynonna? Will she be wandering around town without anyone being able to see her? Or did she….cease to exist? Is all this magical dimension-hopping good for the baby?

If you need me, I’ll be scouring theories on Twitter until the next episode. Feel free to share yours in the comments and I’ll add them to my murder board.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 209 Recap: Check The Backseat

“Forever Mine Nevermind” is the scariest episode of Wynonna Earp since Jack the Ripper was in town. A freaky doll and Tucker the Fucker battled it out for Creepier Creep while Doc and Wynonna challenged Waverly and Nicole to an angst-off. And it made me gasp-scream at least four times, in surprise, in fear, from being grossed out, and more.

Previously, Doc offered Rosita protection (but from what?) and ended up dating her; Nicole, despite offering to be by Waverly’s side through the process of learning about her origins, decided to hide Waverly’s DNA results to try to protect her feelings, which backfired in a big way; Tucker escaped to go on a solo debaucherous douchebaggery mission instead of teaming up with the Widows; and Wynonna found out the third seal is Doc’s ring, aka the source of his longevity.

Phew. That was a lot already and we haven’t even started. Catch your breath though because we open with Waverly waving around fighting sticks like some kind of Sara Lance.

Waverly whips those sticks around like they’re extensions of her own body and her ARMS and oof. I short-circuited. And! She’s fighting her sister! Her pregnant sister. Who tells her to bring it, then does a pregnant backflip and high-fives the baby in her belly. I love this show.

Dolls is coaching from the sidelines, telling Waverly to visualize someone she hates. Wynonna offers up her girlfriend’s name, which stops Waverly right in her tracks; she doesn’t HATE Nicole. They’re just in a fight! But as soon as she lets down her guard to say this, Wynonna lays her out.

Waverly is ready for the real fight and says they just have to find the third seal. Wynonna and Dolls, for some reason, don’t tell Waverly that they already found the seal. Instead, Wynonna asks Dolls for the night off and Waverly for the house tonight so she can have a one-on-one with Doc. And while she’s saying they don’t have to worry about the seal right now and asking for alone time with Doc, she’s also kind of flirting with Dolls, and Waverly is quite confused as to what’s going on.

But Dolls agrees, everyone gets the night off. But after they finish training.

Meanwhile, across town, creator of the original Wynonna Earp comics, Beau Smith, is leaving an antique shop as Doc is entering it. Doc came to this shop for whiskey because apparently even when you have access to all the free whiskey you want by way of owning a saloon, sometimes you just really want to do a shot with a creepy doll.

The man behind the counter eyes Doc’s ring but Doc tells him that he’s not selling. The man is selling though, selling paintings of little girls holding creepy dolls, perfect for people who may or may not have a child’s room to decorate someday. So Doc tells him to wrap it up and that he’ll be back for it.

But as soon as Doc is gone the camera pulls back to reveal a very dead man on the ground, who I think perhaps is the actual shopkeep. And the man currently behind the counter? Has a tail. And knows Doc’s name. Just, all-around bad news.

Over at Shorty’s, Dolls is getting his weekly physical and restocking his meds, and Rosita says he’s doing great, and Dolls tells her that he feels better than he ever did on the Black Badge meds.

He wants a longer supply, but the serum has an expiration date, so she can only give him a week’s worth at a time. At any rate, he’s grateful, and in one of the most awkward exchanges I’ve ever seen, Dolls gives Rosita a gift card for a spa to thank her. It was pretty cute how bad at interacting with each other they were in this moment.

Rosita goes upstairs and is chatting with Wynonna; they’re teasing each other and being friendly. There’s that we’re-not-quite-friends-yet-but-we’re-trying air about them, which isn’t a bad thing, but you can tell neither of them are 100% comfortable around the other yet. But as a way to try to bridge that divide, Rosita offers to make Wynonna a drug cocktail that will help giving birth be slightly less physically traumatizing.

Doc comes upstairs and says she’s heading to Wynonna’s for dinner. Rosita is…mostly fine with it.

And the discomfort she is showing read a little as jealousy the first time I watched, but knowing what I know now, I think it’s mostly just fear that he’s going to tell Wynonna her secret. (We’ll get to that.)

Over at the cop shop, Waverly is watching Jeremy watch cricket to try to win Dolls over, professionally, when Nicole comes in.

Nicole tells the team a body has been found and Waverly lashes out, asking her if it’s a body she stole and hid, making everyone uncomfortable. The poor angel has a lot of anger building up inside her and no one to talk to about it and it’s bound to bubble over in a bad way now and then. Nicole looks wounded but keeps her business face on, telling them it calls for a Black Badge/Purgatory SD team-up.

They head out to the crime scene and find a super-crispy body. A true sign of trust is that no one questions whether Dolls maybe had too much to drink lost a little control last night, including me, until right now as I type this, even though I’ve seen the episode three times.

Nicole reads the medical bracelet on the dead body’s wrist and identifies it as Tucker’s.

Widow Beth comes in to claim Tucker and I mean I know Beth wasn’t exactly a peach before she got her face stolen but I’m pretty sure OG Beth would have been pretty upset about her brother dying. Widow Beth doesn’t really care much, claims her brother always loved to set things on fire, and asks if she can take him and/or his personal effects home. Dolls starts to question her but Widow Beth is over this so she feigns a fainting spell to get out of it. Maybe. She WAS rubbing her head a few seconds ago so it’s possible she’s getting weaker as her powers fade and it was a genuine faint with really convenient timing.

Either way, Widow Beth wakes up the way one could only dream to wake up: with Waverly Earp watching over her.

Waverly holds Beth’s hand and tells her she can sympathize with the loss of a sibling, and how it can still feel like a huge loss, even when said sibling was pretty terrible. Widow Beth calls Waverly lovely and while that’s true it makes me a little nervous, the way an evil being is drawn to her.

Nicole comes in, her face doing the opposite of what Waverly’s face is doing. And her scowl only deepens when Widow Beth apologizes for Tucker, saying everyone loves in their own way, calling them deviant and saying Tucker did truly love Waverly. Nicole is pissed and not afraid to say so. But Waverly scolds Nicole for being rude to a woman who just lost her brother.

There’s a time and a place, you know? After Beth leaves, Nicole and Waverly fight, and Nicole tries to explain that her motivations are all rooted in caring about Waverly and wanting to protect her, and Waverly tries to explain that Nicole can’t try to tell her how to feel or what to think, but they both came at each other with their word swords out and their defenses up so they’re not reaching each other.

At the Homestead, Doc gives Wynonna the painting but it’s not as sunny anymore and the little girl and her doll look…well, dead. But Wynonna doesn’t have time to worry about it because the dinner she made (which looks like the kind of meal I’d make to myself but never tell anyone about) is ready. They sit down to eat and chat and Doc tells Wynonna that when he got to the salt flats, Clootie was already decapitated. Wynonna wasn’t to know who would do such a thing, and why, but Doc distracts her by shaking a rattle at her, thinking they’re supposed to be talking about the baby.

But Wynonna is actually here to talk about the third seal…which he has.

After her fight with Nicole, Waverly heads to Shorty’s, where she’s eyeing a glass of whiskey and trying to put off drinking alone.

Rosita comes over to drink with her, and gives her back the credit card she left at the bar, also giving her an opening to see if Waverly wants to talk about her fight with Nicole. Waverly admits that the fighting is ongoing and she can’t even go back to the Homestead tonight. She just wants a night off from everything, and Rosita knows just the thing.

Back in NIGHTMAREVILLE, Wynonna and Doc are still talking like everything is fine because they don’t know what we know and what we know is that the DOLL in the PAINTING got BIGGER. It’s like three of the scariest Are You Afraid of the Dark episodes that haunted my childhood COMBINED.

But like I said, Wynonna and Doc haven’t noticed, so instead they’re talking about how Doc’s ring is the seal and he doesn’t want to give it up. Wynonna needs it though, because her new plan is to break the seal herself, let the Demon Clootie rise, and kill him herself, thusly ending the curse.

Doc hates this plan but guess what I hate more than this plan, it’s that the DOLL IS MISSING FROM THE PAINTING NOW. I used my very best horror movie “ALWAYS CHECK THE BACKSEAT” voice at them but alas, they want to talk about their feelings. Doc vowed to protect the Earps the second he met Wynonna but the thing is, he doesn’t want to die. She tells him she saw him choose an eternity in a well over a normal life of freedom, and tells him that it was Robert Svain who had him make that choice. Wynonna calls him selfish, and he calls her selfish right back. He tries to storm out, but Wynonna’s keys are missing, so they’re forced to confront their feelings a little while longer. To avoid this, Doc tries to just walk out, but Wynonna and her belly bump of justice won’t allow it.

We find out that when Doc was 14, his mother got tuberculosis and he would crawl into the space below her room and listen to her cry and pray every night. John Henry got better, but his mother went quick. And ever since then, small spaces, like wells, were not his favorite. Wynonna takes her hand and learns Doc’s mother’s name is Alice, so I’ve already added Welcome Alice Earp to the list of potential baby names don’t worry about it.

Doc and Wynonna hear a noise and Wynonna goes for Peacemaker but it’s not in her boot so she grabs one of Doc’s guns instead. He tries to play the big man on campus but she says she’s pregnant not helpless, thank you very much.

They split up and hunt around but can’t find the source of the noise, though Wynonna does eventually find Peacemaker in Doc’s coat pocket. She thinks that he thinks that she was going to threaten to shoot him if he didn’t give her the ring, but he just think she’s hormonal. Which, I know we’re talking about mystical guns and magical rings, but this is a legitimate thing that real life men do to real life women; they write off their emotions as invalid because they might be “hormonal.” Even the good ones, sometimes! So Wynonna stops him right there to tell him that no matter how many buns she has in the oven, she’s still Wynonna Goddamn Earp and don’t you fucking forget it.

She demands the ring again, and he tells her to come and get it, and you know who’s loving all this? I’ll tell you. THE DOLL. Remember the doll? The one who is no longer in the painting? Well it didn’t pull a Harry Potter and shimmy into a different painting, it became CORPOREAL and is now in REAL DOLL FORM sitting atop a high shelf and keeping an unmoving eye on that ring.

And if your heart wasn’t already racing from all this murder-doll drama, don’t worry, because Waverly and Rosita are in bikinis in a hot tub together. Rosita decided to use her new gift card to give them the night off, but Waverly doesn’t know how to put her brain into relax mode. She’s just come back from getting every kind of infused water she can carry and she’s already trying to get up to get towels, so Rosita tells her to calm down.

Waverly feels guilty though; what if the Widows come back and they’re in a hot tub? What if her sister is being attacked by a painting of a doll come to life and she’s sipping bubbly?

But Rosita promises her that she can take a breath and just enjoy the moment. “Take care of yourself for once,” is literally what Rosita says, and Waverly looks at her like Rosita just spoke a language Waverly thought she made up. Ever since season one, Waverly has been struggling with autonomy. People always telling her to hide, Wynonna being overprotective, Dolls trying to keep her out of missions. People have slowly but surely been coming around, letting her go undercover, giving her fighting sticks, but it’s been a constant struggle. And her fight with Nicole right now? Is entirely about that. Nicole tried to protect Waverly from something Waverly didn’t want protection from. It’s not like an anonymous letter came to the station about Waverly’s heritage and Nicole hid it. Waverly sought out information, and Nicole blocked her from getting it. Her motives were pure, but it was a sore spot for Waverly.

So when Rosita tells her to take care of herself, encouraging her autonomy, even if just over her night off, it feels good.

So the girls settle in and hit the champagne and get to know one another. Rosita has three degrees, which Waverly is blown away by, and accuses her of being from a long line of scientists and supermodels, who must be super proud of her.

But Rosita says her family isn’t around anymore, but not to be too sad for her, because they’ve been gone for a long time. Before Waverly can inquire about exactly how long her family has been gone and what exactly she means by gone, Waverly’s phone goes off. Rosita can tell it’s Nicole and encourages her to answer it, but Waverly doesn’t want to. Rosita says she’s not trying to peep but she sees the word “sorry” popping up an awful lot, but Waverly explains that this isn’t a little squabble that will just blow over.

Rosita asks what happened, and Waverly says that she found out that her whole life was a lie, and everyone who supposedly loved her has been lying to her. Rosita is amused to see a little fight under that sweet exterior and says as much, and as if to prove there’s more where that text message, Waverly types a very mean text to Nicole telling her to give her space and including the best way to say “fuck you” without saying the words “fuck you” which is “have a nice life.” The whole time she’s drafting it out loud, Rosita is cringing and telling her to maybe stop, but Waverly sends it anyway.

Let me tell you a little thing about being Waverly Earp. When your exterior is sweet, when you have smiley resting face, and you approach situations with optimism first, it can seem like a free and breezy way to live. Look at her! She seems so happy! Not a mean bone in her body! And maybe that’s true. Maybe there are no mean bones in her body. But anger can make even the nicest bones act out a sometimes. Being a positive person isn’t just about living in light, it’s about constantly and actively fighting off the darkness. And when you’ve been fighting extra hard, when you’re just so tired, sometimes giving into the darkness feels like a rush. The crash is guaranteed and almost always immediate but it happens.

And for Waverly it is immediate, the crash, the regret. And after dipping into the darkness and quickly jumping back into the light, her eyes are trying to adjust. Maybe her anger at Nicole is deeper, maybe she’s a little mad at Nicole and a lot mad at Walt and Mama Earp, at Gus and Curtis, at Bobo, at Willa, at everyone who knew something huge about her and never bothered to tell her the whole truth. And she was taking it out on her girlfriend. Waverly says what they had was perfect and now it’s all messed up.

But Rosita says the truest of truths: Perfect is boring. Then she gives a speech that is both a really cool science fact and also a really great metaphor for life. She says that the reason champagne bubbles is because of imperfections in the glass; no defect, no bubbles, no magic.

And Waverly, sitting in a hot tub across from this beautiful woman, this woman who is the first person she’s met maybe ever who is anywhere near on the same level as her both intellectually/nerdily and also emotionally (Jeremy is smart like her but not really on her as far as emotional maturity). She’s been given permission to take care of herself, given the night off from the constant chaos her life has been since Wynonna’s 27th birthday. Permission to be imperfect.

So Waverly leans in and kisses Rosita.

And Rosita kisses her back. And for one moment, they’re free of the shit that’s been weighing them down, free of the secrets they’ve been keeping, free of fear and judgement and expectations. For a moment.

But then Waverly pulls back, and says almost to herself more than Rosita, “I’m with Nicole.” Rosita says that she’s with Doc, and they both are snapped back to reality. This isn’t really what they wanted after all.

And it wasn’t a smart move, and it’s something Waverly and Nicole will have to deal with, and probably Doc and Rosita too, but I think after this final defiant step into the darkness, Waverly realizes she prefers it into the light, and things are a bit clearer now that she’s back.

Rosita heads back to their room to get changed and Waverly follows soon after, apologizing for taking their bonding moment a step too far, but instead of just Rosita, she finds Tucker standing over Rosita, who is on the floor, looking kinda dead.

Tucker the Fucker looks like he has on some really bad tiger facepaint but really it’s just frostbite, adding to his creepfactor by at least 30%, bringing us to a grand total of 430% creepy. Waverly is surprised he’s alive, but the burnt body is of some kind passer-by who doesn’t listen to My Favorite Murder and picked up a hitchhiker.

Tucker informs Waverly that he’s here to save her from the “bitches who call themselves” his sisters.

Tucker covers Rosita’s body with a sheet, saying she’s in a better place, and Waverly is horrified. Tucker says he saved Waverly from Rosita’s corruption and sniffs her hair and talks like he’s truly on a different plane of reality and it’s awful, but Waverly is a Brave Little Toaster and plays along like a champ, knowing it’s her best chance at survival.

He tells her about how he faked his death because the Widows stole his sister’s faces, and how at least one is still alive.

And sure enough, Dolls, who has snooped through Rosita’s things and broken into the Gardiner house with Jeremy on his heels, finds a faceless Mercedes crawling around in the basement and it is HORRIFYING. Dolls puts on his night vision goggles and lurks around, trying to face off with Widow Mercedes, but having to combat the hall of mirrors. It’s very stressful.

At the spa, Waverly is doing a great job of not throwing up all over Tucker as he touches her shoulder and calls her family.

But speaking of family! Waverly has to call Wynonna or else she’ll immediately come looking for her. Tucker agrees that this is a good plan, and grants her one supervised phone call.

But Wynonna doesn’t hear the phone ring when her sister calls. Wanna know why? It’s not because she and Doc are shouting at each other, which they are, but it’s because the doll is now HUMAN-SIZED AND EXTRA HORRIFYING and the doll has her phone.

Wynonna gets sick of all this fighting and points Peacemaker at Doc, demanding he give her the ring.

And so she never hears her phone ring, and never hears Waverly’s voicemail. In a last-ditch effort to get out of this situation, she asks if they can go to her Jeep to get clothes, but Tucker says he’ll buy her something. Something more modest. As though revived by misandry, Rosita appears just then, smashing a bottle over Tucker’s head and saying Waverly can wear whatever the fuck she wants. Waverly asks how she’s not dead and Rosita says that it turns out it’s kinda hard to kill a Revenant.

And I screamed. What an amazing reveal. Even if you guessed it somehow (I sure didn’t) you have to admit that line, that look, that glow, that camerawork. Everything worked together perfectly to make that moment super impactful. And just like that certain things start to snap into place, like why her family is gone, why she was so squirrely around Wynonna, and why she might need protection from the fastest gunslinger and the Earp heir’s close personal friend.

Over in the Gardiner house, Dolls faces off with Widow Mercedes (not literally) and almost has her…

…but then Jeremy swoops in and gets freeze-breathed in the face, giving Widow Mercedes a chance to get away.

At the Homestead, Doc finally gets fed up with Wynonna and throws the ring at her, but the creepy doll catches it and they finally notice the GIANT TERRIFYING THING in the room with them. Doc takes a protective stance and empties his gun into the doll, having no effect. Wynonna raises her own gun then and takes it out with one shot, thusly proving her earlier point. She’s pregnant, not helpless. And SHE’S the goddamn Earp heir.

Doc and Wynonna realize their emotions were heightened by the doll, even if they didn’t exactly LIE at any point. Wynonna promises not to break the seal until the baby is born, and that she doesn’t want to do this TO him, she wants to do it WITH him. So Doc gets on one knee, picks up his ring, presses it into Wynonna’s hand, and kicks me square in the feels.

Then the painting bursts into flames. Worst baby shower gift ever?

Outside in the forest, Tucker is looking for Waverly, shouting her name, but Beth finds him before he finds Waverly. Tucker calls Waverly his “angel” and HOW DARE HE, and even Widow Beth agrees. She says that Waverly is special, and that she’s too special for an abomination like him. Which…is true…but seems suspicious coming from her.

Anyway all of a sudden I find myself more on Team Beth than ever because she unhinges that terrifying jaw of hers and eats Tucker to death.

Good fucking riddance.

Meanwhile, Widow Mercedes is off doing her own thing, doing a location spell of her own, totally done with her sister-wife, looking for a miracle. And the third seal. Her wish is granted and she gets some kind of answer which gives her a wild smile so surely can’t be good.

Rosita and Waverly, after the Great Spa Escape, go back to Shorty’s, where Rosita is pissed people were snooping through her lab. Rosita pours them drinks because they’ve already been up all night so why not. Waverly is eying her, trying to see the Revenant in her, but only seeing Rosita. Rosita teases her about being obvious about her staring and pours them both a drink, which Waverly toasts to Rosita saving her life.

Then in what might be the most heartbreaking line of the episode, Rosita asks if Waverly is going to give her a headstart before she tells Wynonna she’s a Revenant. But Waverly isn’t going to tell Wynonna; it’s not her secret to tell. Waverly does have a secret to tell though: she might be half-Revenant. Her precious little face looks relieved for having come out to someone; she’s never said it out loud. She’s never had someone to tell who wouldn’t immediately freak out or refuse to believe it or try to assure her she’s not.

And it’s true, Rosita is honestly more surprised she hasn’t told anyone than anything else. She asks if Waverly has even told Nicole, and the memory of the mean text she sent comes back to her, and Waverly’s guilt returns in full force. She’s afraid Nicole won’t want to see her right now, but Rosita assures her that Nicole literally always wants to see Waverly, and sends her off to make up with her girlfriend.

And I think this scene is important, because it shows that the moment Waverly and Rosita had in the hot tub was exactly that: a moment. They’re both past it, it was nothing but a momentary lapse in judgement. Waverly felt more understood than she ever had and misinterpreted her feelings as lust until she didn’t. You might think it seems a little un-Waverly, but Waverly doesn’t even know who Waverly is right now. She’s trying to figure it out, and that’s going to be messy sometimes, but it’s so fully human. Even if she isn’t.

Cut to a knock on Nicole’s door, and we think it’s Waverly, and Nicole thinks it’s Waverly, but GUESS WHAT IT’S NOT WAVERLY. It’s Widow Mercedes, and I don’t think she’s there to bond over being badass redheads.

But lucky for Nicole, she’s got a girl who loves her on the way to see her, who has a sister with a magic gun who would do anything for her baby sister. I just hope they get there before the Widow steals that perfect face.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 208 Recap: Oh, Take Me Back to the Start

Settle down class, get out your notebooks, we learned a lot during this week’s Wynonna Earp and it’s time to review. “No Future In the Past” was Orphan Black–level complex, and it took me three times watching it to feel like I got all the important stuff, so hopefully I can do it justice.

We open on little Waverly chasing after her stuffed bunny that Willa threw onto the frozen lake — this is the first thing we learn; we knew Willa was always a little shit but apparently she was actively trying to kill her little sister from the word go. I thought the beam in the barn thing was just a mean sister prank but this is next level.

We cut back to Waverly telling Wynonna this story, and that maybe it should have been a clue that she wasn’t part of the family. Wynonna can’t wrap her head around this; she remembers Waverly coming home from the hospital. Hell, she named her when her parents tried to name her Welcome. (Of note, she says she remembers Waverly coming home, not their mother being pregnant, and based on Willa’s diary entry, it’s possible they just brought her home, not from the hospital. Then again I don’t remember my mother being pregnant with my brother either so WHO KNOWS.)

Anyway, Waverly says now that no one ever celebrated her birthday or bought her school photos and Wynonna looks frankly a little horrified; she’s digging through her memory for evidence of this but all she remembers is Mama Earp calling Waverly her angel. (This will be important later.)

Waverly says that Mama left and after that her dad wouldn’t look at her, which she attributes now to her not being his. Wynonna remains unconvinced. Oh and by the way, who did pull her out of the ice if Willa didn’t? Waverly looks at her like she could know the answer, then says it was Wynonna who pulled her out.

But from the look on her face, Wynonna doesn’t remember that. And saving your sister from almost dying after falling through the ice sounds like a thing you’d remember.

Not too far away, Juan Carlos pulls over to help out a broken down car and is rewarded by getting a hickey from Widow Beth because he won’t tell Widow Mercedes where the last seal is.

At Shorty’s, Rosita comes downstairs and flirts with Doc and invites him back upstairs, but he has to run to the salt flats real quick. He suggests perhaps while he’s gone, she tries to get to know the Earp girls a little better, since they’re all part of his life now. He calls Wynonna fun and says the truest thing: Everybody loves Waverly.

They kiss and it’s cute and I’m mostly into it, I just don’t know if we can trust Rosita yet, because we don’t know much about her. Though something tells me we have to worry less about her and more about whatever baggage from her past might follow her right to our friends.

Okay here’s a scene that I’m going to need you all to describe to me. It starts out well and good with Wynonna being about as mature as you’d think she’d be when at a doctor’s appointment that makes her uncomfortable. She’s making jokes (naps are my bitch) and the doctor tries to stress the importance of the situation.

Wynonna starts to ask if a test could determine what “kind” of baby it is, probably thinking of the potential rev-ness of hers, but covers it up by saying she has a friend who thinks she might be adopted. The doctor asks if Wynonna is thinking of adopting, and says she has options, but only has a few weeks left. And I’m not sure exactly how far along Wynonna is, but the phrasing sounded like abortion lingo. And maybe I only think this because next the doctor shows Wynonna her sonogram before Wynonna says she wants to see it, and says Wynonna should remember she’s “deciding for two.” Which is definitely taken right from the anti-abortion handbook. But it’s possible she was just using similar language to be anti-adoption? Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and she just wanted Wynonna to take her pregnancy more seriously? Either way, Wynonna freaked out, and I felt uncomfortable, but Wynonna didn’t seem to be too upset about it because as she storms out, she says, “See you next week.”

The doctor chases her out and hands Dolls a confidential envelope which seems unprofessional but Dolls doesn’t care because he’s off to follow Wynonna. When he gets outside he sees a truck peel away, leaving behind a pool of blood and some pregnancy pamphlets. This sends him tearing to Nedley’s office, where they determine the truck belonged to Juan Carlos and their best lead is to ask the firehouse fellas.

Meanwhile at Shorty’s, Waverly and Nicole are playing the official game of queer women.

Waverly is distracted though, because she sent in a DNA sample and the results should come back any day now. She had it sent to the police station so Wynonna wouldn’t see it, though that doesn’t matter now. Nicole says, too quickly, that of course it matters, and that she hasn’t seen anything, and it’s a little weird but lucky Waverly’s mind is elsewhere. Nicole asks if Waverly is sure she wants to know, and she isn’t, but she has to know where she came from. Waverly thinks the best course of action right now though is Nicole help her take her mind off things for a while.

But this week it’s Rositas Interruptus, because Rosita wants to take Doc’s advice and bond with the gals by throwing Wynonna a baby shower. One cute little thing I liked about this scene is that Waverly and Nicole didn’t jump away from each other or act all embarrassed for being busted almost kissing. I just wanted to point it out because I feel like I don’t talk enough about how refreshing it is to have a show with two women in a relationship and having it not be scandalized. But don’t think for a second I’m ever taking it for granted that they act like and are treated like a any other couple at every turn.

Anyway, the girls are down for a baby shower, even though Waverly is surprised by Rosita’s seemingly sudden interest in being part of the gang.

While Dolls is interrogating Ewan the fire chief, but he is arrogant, unaffected, and entirely unhelpful. Luckily Wynonna calls Dolls then and says she’s safe. She tries to tell him where she is exactly using clues like she’s playing Taboo but Juan Carlos takes the phone from her then. Luckily Dolls speaks fluent Wynonna so he knows they’re at a church. He’s afraid Juan Carlos wants to “creepy Vegas marry her” (a line that made me snort) but Ewan says that doesn’t sound like good ol’ JC. The Order isn’t interested in the Black Badge business, but Ewan gives Dolls the location of a church Juan Carlos might take her to anyway.

Juan Carlos tells Wynonna that his curse is similar to Docs in that he has longevity, but his also has an added caveat that he can’t interfere. So he has things to show Wynonna, but she has to choose it for herself. She says it doesn’t feel much like choice but she takes Wyatt’s badge from him and do as he says, going into the chapel to recite some words while standing on a pentagram, especially since he promised her, “The Earp sisters will be reunited before sundown.” Which is very interesting, because she only asked if she’d be back for the nachos Waverly had promised her (the cover for the baby shower).

So Wynonna does the spell and there’s a woosh but she doesn’t feel any different. She must be different though, because she leaves Peacemaker behind as she wanders back to Shorty’s. In all of my dreams, no doorways ever lead to where they’re supposed to lead – I’d walk out of my bedroom and end up in my elementary school, leave a classroom and be in a castle somewhere…and yet it never seems weird. This seems to happen to Wynonna, because she walks out of the chapel and into Shorty’s, and doesn’t really start to question things until she realizes that Doc isn’t answering her or looking at her or seeing her at all. She looks around and realizes everyone is dressed in old fashioned garb, so she runs out side to make sure it’s not just a costume party and realizes she’s on the set of Westworld. She looks around, panic spreading across her face, and asks the important question: WHEN am I?

Inside, she tries to get someone’s attention, anyone’s, but it’s clear she’s invisible to them. She starts to worry she’s a ghost. Before she can figure it out though, a meek little man approaches Doc, who is not very kind upon seeing him. Wynonna realizes with surprise that the man is none other than Bobo del Ray. Though not quite yet. Right now he’s just Robert Svain.

The rest of the saloon freezes so all Wynonna can see and hear is Robert telling Doc he has a message from Wyatt Earp. Doc is brash and mean and growls at him that if he had a message from Wyatt, to tell him in private next time. It’s a totally flipped script and it’s unsettling to watch in the very best way.

But Robert’s message is important. There is a “padre” in Purgatory who wrote to Wyatt, saying their sheriff is a demon, terrorizing the town, and Wyatt wants Doc to go with him to sort it out. But Doc declares Purgatory a lost cause and refuses.

Doc coughs and says he’s made his peace with Wyatt, and tells Robert to go to hell. Robert says something that means more knowing what we know now than it did when I watched it the first time, “I would go to hell and back for Wyatt.” And he will.

Robert says Doc felt the same once and leaves Doc standing there, so angry his mustache is trembling.

There are gunshots and Wynonna is scared and isn’t sure what to do or how an injury would even affect her but decides to make a choice and follows Doc and Robert outside, yelling “tacos are tasty” a few times for good measure, in case that’s the way to get extracted from this chaos.

Two strangers walk by and give Wynonna a lot of answers in not a lot of sentences. Here’s what we learned:

• The aforementioned evil Sheriff of Purgatory was called Sheriff Clootie
• Wyatt Earp shot the Sheriff (but he did not shoot the deputy)
• Sheriff Clootie had three wives
• Also aforementioned Padre has a drinking problem

Wynonna is overwhelmed with all this new information but follows a blood trail and ends up back in the church. Robert Svain lay dying on a pew, and Wynonna expresses her disbelief that he was Wyatt’s friend. That he was good.

But she doesn’t stay in this moment long before she’s surrounded by a non-injured Robert, the Widows, and a young Constance Clootie, and Padre Juan Carlos having a chat.

So the thing is, the Sheriff wasn’t just a “demon” like a real tyrant, he was a literal demon, so they have buried him alive. The Widows are pissed about it but Juan Carlos punches one of them in the face to express his dissenting opinion on the matter.

Cut to Shorty’s, present day, where Nicole and Waverly are decorating, starting to get into this whole baby shower idea. Rosita brought a piñata that looks like a baby and is filled with donuts and at first Wavelry and Nicole were wary of hitting a baby with the bat but once they thought about they realized it’s actually the most Wynonna thing ever.

Rosita heads off to get mocktail ingredients and Waverly expresses her confusion about Rosita’s sudden interest in their lives. Nicole tells her girlfriend to cut the girl some slack; the Earp sisters are an intimidating duo, and Nicole came in before they had gotten back to full impenetrable bond status. Waverly is confused; she’s the nicest person in Purgatory. Literally. LITERALLY. SHE HAS A SASH. Which actually I’d like to take a moment to talk about if you don’t mind.

This is now the second reference in this episode to Waverly being a town favorite. Doc says “everybody loves Waverly,” Waverly mentions she won a literal “nicest girl in town” competition. And at first glance you might be like, “wow, how great that someone who was all but neglected growing up turned out to be so sweet.” But of course she did. Sure, it’s not the only path she could have taken. But her parents, the people who are meant to love you unconditionally no matter what you do, barely paid her any attention on a good day. Her oldest sister, someone she should have been able to look up to, hated her for reasons little Waverly couldn’t see or fathom (or control.) So of course she spent her life trying to be as likable as possible. She luckily had other influences — Wynonna who did love her, however messy her own life was, Gus and Curtis, who seemed to have provided that unconditional love she was missing— so she didn’t go too far and become manipulative or totally shut off. But it’s no surprise that when Waverly got old enough to take control of her own life she did everything she could to be the most helpful (by learning all she could) and being the person the most people would like (probably having to work extra hard because everyone already hated her family, especially her one remaining sister).

Anyway I love Waverly and there’s a lot to unpack there but that’s the end of my rambling for now.

Waverly promises Nicole to try to give Rosita a chance and when she returns, she accepts a “Purgatini” from the newbie. Rosita turns some of the mocktails into cocktails and when Waverly encourages her to add more booze, there’s a moment of mutual appreciation, because booze bonds all.

Wynonna, meanwhile, is watching Robert put the Widows in the box they stayed in for years, scoffing at them for not foreseeing dynamite as a future problem that could set them free. And giving them armholes.

Clootie reveals a little more here, saying Wyatt killed her part-demon sons, and that her husband can’t be set free or he’d come after her. One thing I’m not entirely clear on is what moved Clootie from Team Demon to wanting to venture out on her own, putting her husband out of commission and turning on his two other wives.

One thing I am clear on is that Clootie knows if her husband ever gets free, she’s dead meat, so she has created three seals to keep him buried. She has already given Juan Carlos and Robert their talismans, and she now gives them iron and silver to pour over them. Hers however a little easier to hide than an ancient manhole cover, as it is her wedding ring. The very ring Doc wears.

They don’t tell each other where their seals will be, and head out to hide them. Wynonna goes off to follow Clootie.

Dolls gets to Juan Carlos and chest is puffed up but JC says Wynonna chose this and if he wakes her up before she’s ready it could end badly. So instead he just goes inside and sits with Wynonna, sleeping soundly. He comes back outside and Juan Carlos tells him about his non-interference rule. Dolls points out he’s been awful interfere-y lately but Juan Carlos says he’s just accepting the consequences. In the form of gangrene. It’s gross. But they can’t worry about that now because the Widows are here, looking for the third seal. So Dolls runs out to fight them.

Wynonna ends up back in the chapel because this spell is trying to tell her a story and the next part happens in the church, too. Bobo is there, bleeding again, and he says, “Angel?” but it’s just Clootie the Cutie. He makes a joke about her being able to be in a church at all and she says, “I am made whole in the house of my enemies,” which is a deliciously evil thing to say. Robert explains that he went to Purgatory with Wyatt, and Sheriff Clootie ended up using him as a human shield. At Robert’s behest, Wyatt shot Clootie through his own self. And apparently he’s been sitting in this chapel bleeding to death long enough to get a letter from Wyatt about how he’s off to find Doc, who has gone missing. I imagine that probably what actually happened is that he died of an infection from the wound but since it’s a dream walk Wynonna is seeing it as a fresh wound. Probably also to help with the sequence of events, since you know we weren’t seeing everything as it happened. Dreams are fun that way.

Clootie chooses now to tell Robert about the curse her husband put on Wyatt before he fell; everyone killed by Peacemaker is destined for hell, doomed to return again and again, hunting Earp heirs until forever.

Wynonna is feeling the same confusing amount of pity for Robert Svain in this moment.

Robert cries out then that he’s a good man. Clootie assures him hell will fix that pesky problem for him. She offers to help though — there’s a way to end the curse but she won’t tell him until he brings her the bones of her sons. But he doesn’t want to help this witch.

In a jarringly different tone, Rosita, Waverly, and Nicole are playing Never Have I Ever while they wait for Wynonna to show up.

They’re calling each other Rosie and Waves and Nicole is impressed, albeit surprised, at the turnaround a little tequila caused. Rosita goes off to find a game for them to play while Waverly reaches into her bag for a pen. But it’s not her bag she goes into, it’s Nicoles, and in it she finds the results to her own DNA test. Which Nicole not only has been keeping from Waverly, but has already read. Which is illegal and wrong and squicky and WHY NICOLE WHY. I mean I know why. No one wants to see sadness on that sweet baby angel’s face. But Nicole. It makes me wonder if last week’s “I can’t lie to her” was less an implied “ever” and more “about this because I’m already holding another big lie and the guilt is consuming me and I don’t want to add more on top of it.”

Waverly wants to know why she kept it from her, and Nicole says, “Because I love you.”

Someone call the Purgatory Sash Shoppe (we know they have one) and get a Worst Timing award, stat.

Waverly is knocked off her stool by the force of this and says what we’re all thinking, “Are you serious right now?” Right now is SO not the time. Nicole was trying to protect Waverly, but Waverly doesn’t need her protection. She doesn’t need anyone making decisions for her. She even echoes Wynonna’s earlier concerns about Nicole, asking if she’s trying to control Waverly.

Nicole says once Waverly knows, she can’t unknow, but it’s not Nicole’s secret to keep. Waverly knows the news is bad based on Nicole’s face, but storms out before reading the results herself.

And it’s really too bad. Nicole was being so supportive up til this point, and she could have brought Waverly the results, and they could have looked together, and she could have been there for Waverly no matter the results. But now Waverly will have to deal with it alone, because Nicole overstepped. Her intentions were good, I know, but she went about it in the worst way.

Rosita comes back, confused, and Nicole realizes she made a big mistake. Huge.

Wynonna’s vision takes her next to a well, with a still-dying Robert and Clootie approaching. Wynonna recognizes the well and soon knows why: it’s Doc’s well. And he’s in it now. Clootie wanted vengeance, and to give Doc eternal life and then throw him in a well seemed like a pretty solid torture plan. Plus, he has her ring, which heals the dying and delays death indefinitely, and is also her seal, safe at the bottom of a well with the fastest gunslinger in the west.

One moment I liked is that Clootie then vanishes into thin air and Robert and Wynonna both say, “Neat trick,” at the same time.

Robert tries to get the ring from Doc, but he won’t give it up. Robert realizes then that Doc would rather be immortal at the bottom of a well than a mortal man but safe and free. Doc tells him to save him or go to hell, and Robert chooses the latter. Quite literally.

Clootie reappears then and asks him again to find her son’s bones. He growls at her then, sounding more like the Bobo we’ll come to know, saying she has nothing he wants, but she says she’ll find something. Wynonna is stressed.

Outside the church she’s asleep in, Dolls is frozen by the Widows and they run off to EAT Juan Carlos. Eat him. With their mouths. Like he’s a box of donuts and his organs are their favorite flavor. Dolls unfreezes himself because he’s a dragon, which surprises the heck out of them. They scatter for a minute and Dolls kills Juan Carlo, at his request. RIP, Padre.

Dolls barricades himself inside the church and then twitches a lot, saying it feels like burning, which makes me wonder even more about what the heck Dolls even is. When the Widows realize they can’t get in, they decide to burn the damn thing down.

Wynonna’s final stop on memory lane is back with Robert, watching him die. But this time, he can see her too. He recognizes her; he’s caught glimpses of her throughout this dream walk. He calls her his guardian angel. Wynonna starts coughing and hearing Dolls calling out her name somewhere in the distance, like when your alarm clock enters your dream before it enters your consciousness. Wynonna wants to have some words with Robert first though, because she can’t believe he left Doc down in that well just because he was jealous of his relationship with Wyatt.

He confesses that wasn’t his finest moment, and she says it could have changed everything. She calls him Bobo, but that’s not his name yet, so he’s confused. Wynonna is coughing up smoke now and knows she has to wake up. She picks up Peacemaker and tells Robert to try to remember who he is, how much he loved Wyatt, despite all the cycles of hell he’s going to go through.

He holds her as she coughs more, and she tells him they’ll meet again. He promises that no matter what, he’ll never hurt her, and asks what his angel’s name is. To which Wynonna responds, “Waverly.”

Robert uses what might be his last ounce of strength to run and ring the church bell so someone will come help his angel.

And sure enough, back in the real world, the bell also rings, and Ewan and his boys pulled Wynonna and Dolls out just in time. It was tough and go there for a minute, but Wynonna coughs awake, much to Dolls’ adorable delight.

Over at the lake, Waverly is on the frozen lake again, reading her paternity results, crying.

And now she remembers what really happened the day she fell through the ice. It wasn’t Wynonna who pulled her out of the ice, but Bobo, calling her his angel. And while it might not have been Wynonna who literally carried her baby girl to safety, it was Wynonna who saved her after all.

And listen…up until this episode, I was pretty convinced that Bobo was Waverly’s father. Especially after last episode? I had hardly any doubt! But now? Now I’m not so sure. Now that we have another explanation for why Bobo was so protective of little Waverly, because he thought she was his angel, the one he swore to never hurt, now the father theory has less purchase. It’s not entirely off the table, but I don’t know. And I love that I don’t know. This show keeps surprising me in the best ways. And this episode gave me that “I need to rewatch the entire series to date now that we have all this new information” feeling.

Wynonna wakes up at the homestead, the little spoon to Dolls’ big. She tells him that Doc’s ring is the third seal, and if the Widows break it, the Demon Clootie will rise. Dolls kisses her shoulder and holds her and she’s smiling.

Dolls is extra glad she’s okay because technically she was dead for 77 seconds. (Which is an oddly specific amount of time; and also happens to be the exact number of Revenants.)

Wynonna is surprised but not too worried about it. She tells Dolls about how Bobo used to be just Robert, a good dude and a friend of Wyatt’s. She repeats what Clootie said, “I am made whole in the house of my enemies.” But Dolls says the real phrase, from the Bible, is, “My enemies are made whole in my house.” Which I believe means the full sum of your enemies is rounded out by the people you call family. And would be the title of my thesis paper on Wynonna Earp if I was writing one.

Dolls says that eventually we all become enemies, but Wynonna says they’d never come to that. But before they can talk more about their feelings, Wynonna sits up straight. The Earp heir died. But only for a few seconds. That’s fine, right? That won’t affect the curse or the Revenants she put down? Nothing happened when Buffy died for a few seconds right? Right??

Alas. 77 seconds is plenty of time for at least one Revenant to rise. And that Revenant is n one other than Bobo del Ray.

Phew. That was a lot to unpack. My head is still spinning but I want to hear all of your theories. Tell me what I missed, I’m sure it was plenty!

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 207 Recap: Aphrodite Made Me Do It

SEASON THREEEEEEE :air horn noise:

Guess who's coming back for Season 3? #WynonnaEarp 🔥 #SDCC pic.twitter.com/a25oItg56i

— SYFY (@SYFY) July 22, 2017

Friends! How excited are you?! I’m very excited! Our weird little show got renewed for the third season, as announced at San Diego Comic Con, and I couldn’t be happier. I genuinely didn’t believe they’d make the announcement either way until after the season aired, and it feels SO GOOD to be able to go into the rest of the season without the possibility of cancellation looming overhead. The amazing thing is, this show is fueled by fandom. Syfy is starting to realize the power of the people who show up on the internet to support shows, and is putting their money where their mouth is re: their new brand slogan: It’s a fan thing.

And even as we talk about this episode, it’s no surprise Syfy wanted to keep this gem around. This was possibly the funniest episode of the series to date. The first 80% had me laughing pretty much non-stop, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. But then, to remind us that we’re still in Purgatory after all, a tidal wave of feelings swept over us.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Wynonna and Dolls kick off “Everybody Knows” by storming the castle that is the Gardiner residence. The Widows are pretending like Mercedes and Beth were locked helplessly in one room and have no idea what their pesky little brother has been up to. They’re stiff and unfeeling about the whole situation and Wynonna doesn’t recognize her friend at all. She goes so far as to prod at Beth’s shoulder to see if she has a Peacemaker wound but Mercedes interjects and gets Wynonna and Dolls to leave before Wynonna checks out her shoulder, too. Wynonna is still suspicious, but leaves with Dolls after assuring them they’d be watched at all times…as a security measure, of course.

On the way back to the car, Wynonna gets woozy, which makes Dolls nervous. Wynonna insists that she just needs some yogurt, but he wants her to have her demon-hunting permission slip signed by a doctor and calls Doc (saying “code rainbow”) before taking her back to the homestead.

Once they’re alone, Widow Mercedes and Widow Beth know they’re running out of time to complete their nefarious plans, since Wynonna is onto them. Mercedes considers the rotten severed head of Constance Clootie and Beth wonders aloud if the Stone Witch could help them, but Widow Mercedes says since they can’t hurt her, they can’t trust her, which would be a weird way to talk about someone if they were well and truly gone. They throw her head into the fire for good measure, but I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last from her.

They still need to find the last seal, after which time Widow Beth says their “love” will “burn bright and true.” Which…isn’t as comforting as it sounds like it should be. And probably has something to do with that husband they’ve mentioned.

Meanwhile somewhere in a dusty barn, a boy wakes up a cobweb covered cowboy called Reeves and says he found the man they have been looking for. Reeves tells the boy to mark the man for execution, and that man is Doc Holliday. According to the boy, he has been “decloaked.” (More like de-Clootied amiright.)

At the homestead, Waverly and Jeremy are nerd-riffing about their Widow theories while Wynonna satisfies her yogurt craving.

They know the Widows are looking for the third seal, but they don’t know why. They know the Gardiners are involved, but they don’t know how. And Waverly has translated some text that says, “let thee rise,” which doesn’t bode well for my husband theory.

Doc and Dolls come in then, bringing with them a doctor who looks a little bamboozled. When she gets Wynonna alone, she admits she’s feeling a little bamboozled; she’s just been whisked away to the middle of nowhere by a kind of cop and a cowboy. She asks Wynonna if she’s being held here against her will but Wynonna assures her she just has some over-protective right-hand men.

The doctor asks Wynonna a series of questions, forcing her to face the reality of her situation for a longer period of time than she’s comfortable with, and when the doctor senses this unease, she assures Wynonna she’s not here to judge her. Which hits Wynonna square in the chest, since she hasn’t even stopped judging her own self yet.

Wynonna asks about genetic testing and the doctor says she’d just need blood samples from her and the father, but she’s not doing it in a farmhouse with a mystical murderboard in the main room.

Outside the bedroom, Dolls is making Jeremy’s whole day by telling him he’s taking the little scientist on a stakeout. Doc hangs back, coughing, which makes me very nervous, and I don’t think it’s just because I’ve spent four and a half seasons nervously monitoring Cosima’s lung activity. A cough isn’t just left in a take accidentally, especially not if the character in question notoriously had tuberculosis before making a deal with the devil for longevity.

Waverly sees Doc hanging around and assures him he doesn’t have to look so worried; Wynonna is strong. She tells him to take a walk, because standing outside the bedroom door isn’t helping anyone.

Doc takes her advice and goes outside, where he finds the boy from earlier. The boy asks him if he’s really THE Doc Holliday, sounding like a fanboy, but when he apparates, Doc realizes he isn’t here for a selfie. Doc faces off with him, though hesitates because he’s not about to pop one off at this teenager. The boy isn’t there to fight though and instead brands the back of Doc’s neck, warns him he’s been marked for execution, and poofs away.

Inside, Waverly has gone inside to check on her sister and Wynonna is rolling around on the bed in hopes her feelings won’t be able to land on her and tells Waverly the doctor wanted blood samples from her and the father. Waverly asks why she looks so weird, surely Doc doesn’t mind needles? He seems willing to do whatever Wynonna needs. The issue isn’t getting a blood sample from Doc though…it’s knowing for sure if Doc is the one she should be getting blood from in the first place.

At first Waverly is pretty chill, like “okay fine then who?” but as she imagines Doc’s reaction when he finds out she starts to panic. She paces back and forth while Wynonna tires to assure her he was the one who said there were no strings between them and Waverly’s eyes bug out of her head like NO ONE WHO SAYS NO STRINGS THAT MANY TIMES ACTUALLY MEANS NO STRINGS. Wynonna informs her that she is super not helping.

Waverly takes a breath and assures her sister she’ll be there for her anyway, even stand by her side while she tells Doc to help diffuse the situation. But then Doc walks in and Waverly decides THIS is a situation one could nope their way out of so she does just that and disappears before Wynonna can stop her.

Wynonna and Doc decide now’s a good time to remind everybody that it’s not all fun facial expressions and sarcasm up in here. Wynonna thanks him for his note, and Doc takes off his hat and asks if Wynonna is okay, admitting he doesn’t know the protocol these days, but he’ll be exactly as involved in all of this as Wynonna wants. “No more, no less.” He just wants her to be healthy, and he chokes up as he adds, “as close to happy as possible.” Which shows, to me, that he knows Wynonna better than most, to not be casually wishing her something that feels unattainable to her right now.

Seeing his earnestness, she loses her nerve about telling him he might not be the father, so instead says he’ll need to do a blood test, which he’s happy to oblige.

Before he leaves, he places a hand on her belly and meets her eyes, making her feel that much shittier when he leaves.

Waverly is waiting for him in the front yard, hoping to talk to him before he storms off, but he’s not in the mood to chat right now. Torn between her friend who she imagines is pretty damn upset and also the fastest gunslinger in the west, and her pregnant sister who also isn’t exactly chipper, she calls Nicole for backup.

Just a little check-in on Black Badge Buddies: Dolls and Jeremy are watching Beth sweep her porch with one of those brooms that are useless for actual sweeping but handy if you’re TRYING to look like a witch, when Jeremy finds a patch of lace from one of the Widows’ dresses. Dolls decides they should use it to reverse engineer a vaccine for their paralyzing freeze breath situation and they head back to the station.

Wynonna is heading out of the homestead when she runs into Nicole. She tells her Waverly isn’t there, but Nicole isn’t there to see her girlfriend. She’s been put on Wynonna duty.

Wynonna says that’s fine but then she has to come with her on her errands, specifically her errand that involves going to a bar a little ways out of town.

Waverly has followed Doc to Shorty’s and is a little alarmed to find him cleaning every gun in Purgatory. She has no way of knowing Wynonna didn’t end up telling him, and since he had huffed off she didn’t bother asking, so our sweet, well-meaning Waverly, in trying to be supportive and tell him that he’s still family even if he’s not blood-related (something I think she should remind her own self) and the look on his face tells her she fucked up. She fucked up bad.

Quite different scene from Shorty’s, the bar Wynonna took Nicole to is hopping despite the early hour, and it’s a strip club. But not just any strip club: the long-anticipated Pussy Willows.

And Wynonna wasn’t just a patron of this place…she worked there. And went by Aphrodite. IT’S SO MUCH TO PROCESS.

And we’re not even done with the fact bombs. Luckily, Nicole is drinking from both her own beer and Wynonna’s for-show beer to help her process it all. Because also what’s true is that Wynonna came here a few months ago and slept with one of the bartenders.

Nicole is already tipsy at this point, making cute jokes and adorable faces. Top-shelf stuff. Nicole assumes they’re there to tell this guy he might have a little bartender on the way but Wynonna laughs at the simplicity of that plan when surely there’s a way they could do this without having to have any difficult conversations. Her plan is to take shots with the bartender, steal his DNA, have it tested, and hope it works out that she never has to talk about her child’s parentage again. Nicole approves of this plan. Did I mention she’s drunk?

Their plan has a bit of a kink in it though, because at that moment, the bartender pins a rowdy patron to the wall and his eyes glow red… Wynonna’s potential baby daddy is a Revenant.

Wynonna gags at the realization she had sex with a Revenant and instinctively goes to take a swig of beer, which Nicole swoops in and takes for her.

Nicole asks how this happened and Wynonna reveals that the night she went out to try to forget the whole got-kidnapped-and-tortured-by-Jack-the-Ripper thing, Shorty’s cut her off and Doc tried to take her home but she wasn’t done yet so she came to Pussy Willows. She wanted to be touched, wanted to feel in control of her body again, and the bartender was cute and nice and they had fun. It helped her feel better, gave her that swagger she had the next morning and everything.

And then, something interesting happens. Nicole says that if Wynonna is an Earp, and the bartender is a revenant, the baby is…Waverly. Now, she says Waverly because her girlfriend happens to be calling at the moment, but I don’t think that can be ignored.

Nicole answers the phone, “Hey cutie,” and tries to ignore the daggers Wynonna is throwing with her eyes. Waverly wants to know where the heck her girlfriend and sister have disappeared to, and Nicole is torn; she can’t lie to Waverly but she doesn’t want to get axe-murdered by Wynonna.

Waverly parses out that they must be at a strip club based in the style and volume of the music at this hour and Nicole gets out an “Aphrodite made me do it” before Wynonna takes matters into her own hands and dunks Nicole’s phone into one of the beers. Nicole isn’t mad though; it was the only solution, clearly.

And I want to take a moment here and praise this whole scene. Melanie Scrofano was amazing as always, but Katherine Barrell was funnier than we’ve ever seen her. The timing and snappiness of their back-and-forth, their facial expressions, everything, was just so well done and fun to watch, and was a shining example of what makes Season 2 so special. I thought everyone was great in Season 1, from the fun to the serious, everyone always blew me away. But then this season it was almost like Melanie Scrofano came in and said, “Hey guys just so you know I was actually holding back a little last season, and I’m ready to show you what I’m REALLY made of” and doubled-down on her awesomeness, then she went to her costars one by one, scene by scene, and raised the bar a little. And every single one of them rose to the occasion.

Everyone somehow seems even stronger this season is what I’m saying, even though I wasn’t aware that was possible. I think part of it also has to do with what Kat said in her interview on the Tales of the Black Badge podcast, which is that the writers are now writing to the actors and their strengths. And everyone across the board, it being the second season, has a better sense of who the characters are.

Aaaanyway, Wynonna is going to quick-waddle out of the bar while Nicole swipes a glass from the bartender but before Wynonna can even get off her stool, the bartender comes over to say hi.

The bartender’s name is Jonas and they have some drinks together and Nicole is full-drunk now talking about flood prep which is the dorkiest cutest thing ever. Wynonna wants to leave but Nicole is determined to get this shot glass so she asks for more peppermint schnapps.

But then things take a turn when Jonas makes his eyes do that Revenant thing and says he knows she’s there to kill him.

While all this is going on, Dolls goes back to the office to find Doc doomsday prepping all of the weapons. Guys I think it really shook him to be paralyzed and helpless while Waverly was also paralyzed and helpless. Dolls tries to tell him there was nothing he could have done, but Doc isn’t in the mood to be comforted.

Jeremy interrupts then to say he has a way to make the venom vaccine but he needs extra hands to do it. While they’re mid-experiment, Dolls realizes Jeremy is actually doing a binding spell, and interrupts him, so they end up inhaling the vapor they were supposed to capture in a bottle. So the binding spell worked…on the three boys. Hilarity shall ensue.

Back at the bar, Nicole is peak drunk, doing that whisper-shout drunk people think is quiet, saying she left her gun at home.

Jonas switches now from the charming bartender to the crude and creepy asshole he truly is, revealing himself as easily as showing us his glowing red eyes. He walks around the bar to get into Wynonna’s personal space and when he sees her stomach he says he hopes she just got fat, earning him an elbow to the throat. Nicole also at the same time found a gun she keeps in her sock (something I don’t actually understand the logistics of but hey she’s the police officer) and shoots out the lights, giving them time to get away.

Back at the station, the cobweb bandits show up and Reeves tries to hang Doc right there in the office. No pomp, no circumstance, just some rope and a pipe. But the thing is, Doc is bound to Dolls and Jeremy right now, so when he goes up, so do they. Jeremy then does the bravest thing he’s ever done, which is throw a stapler at Reeves to try to save his main man, but the stapler floats right through him. Reeves gets all bold now, and starts to say that “nothing from this earthly world can” but then Dolls punches him right in the face. Which is a VERY interesting development. Alien dragon???

Outside Pussy Willows, Nicole is telling Wynonna that she should drive, and Wynonna is telling Nicole she’s a cute drunk, when Wynonna remembers something. And this was another one of those perfectly played Scrofano moments, because Wynonna says, “Abort! Abort!” then does this cute little gasp and apologizes to her belly.

Anyway the reason she said that is because she realized they can’t leave yet; Jonas knows she’s pregnant, and she can’t have the whole Revenant population knowing.

Jonas runs out after them talking creepily about how they started a new race and how they’re Adam and Eve and Wynonna’s like, “I prefer the Adam and Steve version actually,” and pulls out Peacemaker.

And then he…runs. Between her belly bump and Nicole’s drunkenness they’re sure they’re going to catch him, but Waverly swoops in just in time to hit him with a car door.

Drunk Nicole tells Waverly she’s pretty but Waverly isn’t here for compliments she’s here for answers!

Nicole slurs out the situation for her, complete with hand motions, and they decide to put Jonas in the trunk.

Meanwhile the boys are still being haunted by the cobweb bandits, and it’s revealed that the warrant on Doc is because he slept with someone he wasn’t supposed to (twice), which Dolls grumbles a lot about. Jeremy finally can’t take it anymore and runs out of the building, inadvertently bringing Doc and Dolls with him.

But Reeves had backup.

The girls drive out to the middle of nowhere with Jonas in their trunk and try to figure out what to do with him.

There are a few things at play here: Jonas might be Wynonna’s baby’s father. Jonas is a Revenant. Jonas will tell the other Revenants (and maybe other things that go bump in the night) that Wynonna is pregnant and that’s dangerous. Wynonna is supposed to kill Revenants. But Stupid Earl implied there might be a way to break the curse without her having to send all the Revenants to hell.

(Side note, Nicole seemed alarmed at the idea that one of the options on the table was to pull this man they just did shots with out of the trunk and shoot him in the head. She hasn’t really been part of this side of things yet, and she doesn’t quite get it.)

Wynonna decides to start by talking to him, give him a chance to get out of a one-way ticket to hell.

Reeves and his cobweb bandits lead Doc, Dolls, and Jeremy out to the woods and Doc tries to get his friends out of the execution but they’ve been deemed accomplices. Dolls steps forward and tries to diffuse the situation by standing up for Doc, calling him loyal, fearless, his brother. And listen, on most shows, if there’s no women in a scene, I tune right out. My brain clocks it as time to refill my cup or check Twitter. But this show! Not this show. This show decides to give me Feelings by letting men express their feelings about their friends.

Dolls claps Doc on the back and discovers his brand, which Jeremy points out looks like a marshal star, and all of a sudden Dolls’ eyes light up with recognition. This handsome mustachioed fella trying to murder them isn’t just any cowboy, he’s THE Bass Reeves. For those who don’t know, he was the first Black deputy US marshal from the late 1800s. And Dolls. Is. PUMPED. Reeves was a hero of his, and Dolls uses this plus his status as a deputy and technically pulls rank, saving Doc and allowing Reeves and his crew to finally rest in peace.

And as soon as the cowboys are gone? JOY.

It’s the actual cutest. They’re all so happy! And they worked together! FRIENDSHIP!

Okay so out in the field, Wynonna and Waverly have Jonas in a monkey-in-the-middle type position, and Jonas, knowing he doesn’t have the upper hand, starts rambling. He says that there are rumors of a Revenant and a human making a baby once before, and then the camera cuts to Waverly, because obviously she’s wondering what we’re wondering…is that Waverly’s deal?

Jonas starts talking about the night Wynonna came to Pussy Willows, being grosser and grosser as time goes on. Waverly HATES hearing him talk to and about her sister like this, and says as much, like the Brave Little Toaster she is. But Wynonna is just standing there, taking it, as if she thinks she deserves it, as if she believes it. When he calls her a whore and it’s clear he’s not going to tire himself out, Wynonna calmly says that it must be frustrating, how the world has moved on without him and his sexist opinions. Wynonna looks at Jonas with a new resolve and says she’s going to raise this kid to be good and strong and she says everything he’s not, but what she might not realize is that it’s also everything she is.

And so, without further ado, she shoots him dead.

Waverly goes to her and Wynonna says she’s going to be a single mother, and Waverly calls her a superhero, and Wynonna says, quite literally, “Same damn thing.”

While she’s holding her sister, thinking both of the baby and herself probably, she asks tentatively what this baby is. And Wynonna gives her the only answer she knows for sure: Ours.

Back at the station, Dolls asks Doc why he thinks Reeves was suddenly able to find him, and Doc says maybe he should check in on the Stone Witch. (Maybe. I assumed he meant the Stone Witch but who the heck knows.)

Doc tucks Jeremy in (!) and shares a drink with Dolls (!!) and it’s the cutest and I love it.

Back at the Homestead, Wynonna says she booked an ultrasound so they’re just going to have to do process of elimination by testing Doc instead. Waverly tells her then that she accidentally told Doc but Wynonna figures it was going to come out anyway, and it’s not like she warned her sister she didn’t go through with it. But no matter, this baby is an Earp no matter what. Just like the two of them. She then calls her sister Auntie Waverly, prompting her to burst into tears.

And then Waverly says two things. “I don’t think I’m your sister. Or even an Earp at all.” Which broke my WHOLE HEART because BABY GIRL. Even if you’re not biologically related, Wynonna is still your sister!

And I know she’ll realize this and I know she’s just struggling to figure out who she is, but the thing is, her and Wynonna have already been changing what it means to be an Earp and making it their own. Their father, from what we can tell, was not the greatest dude, and he died when they were young. So they Earp differently than anyone’s Earped before, their Earpiness has flavors of Gus and Curtis in it, with a dash of Shorty and a touch of Nedley. And now the Earp family includes Doc and Dolls and Nicole and heck even Jeremy, and maybe it will include Rosita someday. Family is what you make it – sometimes that includes blood relatives, sometimes it doesn’t. Family is about loving and supporting one another; and maybe sometimes fighting but always making up and learning and growing and laughing. And no one knows that better than this fandom. And that’s why I’m beyond excited to be doing this for another year with you.

See you next week, when Wynonna finds herself in a situation that causes her to ask the age-old question, “WHEN am I?!”

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 206 Recap: Beaver Buzz

We’re barely halfway through this season of Wynonna Earp and there’s already so much going on. We’ve taken out the goo, and the feisty firemen are off our backs for now, but the Gardiner sisters have had their faces stolen by some mystical and mysterious evil women, and somehow Tucker Gardiner was still the worst of our problems. Oh, also, Wynonna Earp is pregnant.

We open this week in a dark alley where Dolls is caught by Black Badge Agent Art Bell aka Moody. Doc steps in as back-up and Moody lays it down for them: Black Badge sees Purgatory as a waste of resources. They lost faith in their tiny team so they packed up and headed out to find easier won battles that look better on paper. Super professional. When Dolls makes it clear he’s seeing this mission through, with or without support from above, Moody gives him a file on the Widows — they were in the Black Badge storage facility, after all. Moody leaves the boys one last time, dropping an interesting tidbit of information as he leaves, blowing Dolls’ mind good and proper: Black Badge was never an official government agency.

Cut to a church where a priest halts one of the Widows and she starts to demand to know where something is but accidentally kills him. She decides to take advantage of this opportunity by EATING HIS FACE.

Back at the Homestead, Wynonna and Waverly are dismantling the shiny lightning rod and Waverly has questions about Wynonna’s…situation. Wynonna says she can ask one question, but when the question is about how far along she is, she changes her mind. Waverly informs her that shouting “nope” isn’t really an answer but that’s all Wynonna can handle right about now.

Especially since she has to pee. Again.

When Wynonna gets to the Purgatory Sheriff’s Office, Nicole is there doing some paperwork. Wynonna pops in and begs Nicole for a case, any case, to take her mind off her real problems. Nicole says things are quiet on the post-goo front and that maybe she should just take a day off. But Wynonna doesn’t WANNA.

Waverly comes in to bring Wynonna gross tea and Nicole asks her to go distract Wynonna until her shift ends, when Waverly can distract her instead, and Wynonna is teasing them for being disgustingly cute when a nun walks in with her hands covered in blood, saying her boss is dead. (Side note, Wynonna says here, “God really is dead,” which is also what my father texted me randomly this morning while he was watching the episode, which out of context is a hilarious text to get from your dad.)

The Widow Sisters discuss their situation and their plans and we learn a few things. We learn they share a husband (well, based on the elaborate mourning garb, I’d say maybe “shared,” but they do talk about him in the present tense), there’s more than one seal and Bobo moved the second one, they knew the Stone Witch but don’t know where she is (even though we do), and they consider Juan Carlo too strong to go up against.

And frankly, none of that is good news.

Anyway the rings Widow Mercedes threw down on a map might not be showing her the location of the seal, but they do remind her of someone they call Hypnos who lives someplace called The Clockmaker’s Mansion, which frankly is a place I’d visit in a tick. Or a tock.

The Widows couldn’t go into the mansion themselves because of Hypnos’ powers, so they send Tucker in, where he finds a young woman tending to a comatose older man. Tucker pass on the Widows’ demands: They need time.

Back at the office formerly known as Black Badge, the nun tells Wynonna, Waverly and Jeremy about the veiled woman’s attack, a description Wynonna recognizes. After Waverly ushers the nun off to get cleaned up, the three of them do this adorable smarty pants routine where they figure out that there are more seals and they all must be on consecrated ground.

Dolls hushes his team by telling them…well, that they’re not technically his team anymore. Black Badge is gone, and they’re all free agents. Waverly thinks not being under a blood pact she left her girlfriend out of is actually probably fine, Jeremy is worried about not having a JOB anymore, and Dolls and Doc have a not-so-subtle exchange where Dolls makes his intentions known that he’ll be taking this as an opportunity to make moves on Wynonna. Waverly is not amused.

Wynonna cuts off everyone’s reactions to give them a pep talk of sorts. Black Badge or purple badge or no badge at all, there are still demons, she still has a magic gun, they’re still going to fight. She’s still Wynonna Fucking Earp.

Jeremy considers for a heartbeat walking out forever, but one word from Doc and he realizes he’s in it for the long haul, so instead he goes off to find the second seal. Dolls asks Wynonna out for coffee, and she agrees, but before she leaves, Waverly pulls her over to let her know that she just agreed to go on a proper date with her ex-boss. Waverly tries to tell her sister that she has to have conversations with both Dolls and Doc because it’s not fair, and Wynonna stops her and lays down the law: everything about this is her decision. She’ll decide who she tells and when. And she’d kindly appreciate it if her little sister would reel back the judgement a bit.

To her credit, Waverly does indeed immediately reel it in, and doesn’t get defensive. Waverly offers to stay with her sister a while longer, but the way Nicole is looking at her is making Wynonna nauseous, so she sends her off so Waverly and Nicole can have a post-tentacle talk. No, that’s not a gay euphemism. But it could be.

Back in the other room, Jeremy has mathed out where the next seal probably is, but everyone has already gone their own way, so no one’s there to hear is revelation.

And now let’s go to the Homestead, where Waverly and Nicole finally have the whole house to themselves, no risk of Wynonnus Interruptus, and taking full advantage of it. Complete with phrases like, “You taste like my Waverly again.”

They start to undress but Nicole does want to have that talk they were supposed to be having; she’s worried about how much of the time they…spent together was actually Waverly. Her little voice barely wants to ask the question, afraid of the answer. God it would have ruined her if she had slept with Gooverly. But Waverly promises it was all real, it was all her.

Nicole wants to know that she’s 100% sure, and Waverly reassures her. Her memories of being Gooverly are blurry at best, but she remembers every single moment of their time together like she’s Tumblr. And that’s all Nicole needed to know.

And can I just say that I love how these scenes don’t feel over-choreographed (even if they are). They bump noses and are slightly out of sync but in the most perfect, natural way, coming together at all the right moments. It feels pure and passionate and gentle and I LOVE IT.

Wynonna goes to get coffee with Dolls but now that she knows it’s a date, it’s super awkward. Dolls is all smiles, which is weird enough, plus she’s trying to hide the whole pregnancy thing and being extra defensive, so really things aren’t going so well. That’s why, when she sees who she thinks is Mercedes walk in, she invites her to sit with them. Widow Mercedes is sitting stiffly and acting weird and Wynonna can tell something is off, but she insists it’s just that her brother Tucker is bugging her. Wynonna tells her friend to call her if she needs her; she knows a thing or two about having a sibling who is the actual worst.

Widow Mercedes steps out to take a phone call but Wynonna isn’t ready to be face-to-face with whatever Dolls wanted to talk about yet, so she gets up to pee. She gets a little woozy on the way there and at first it seems like a pregnancy thing until you notice the rest of the diner slumps over just before Wynonna does.

She wakes up to a zap from Peacemaker to find herself covered in dust. This wasn’t a quick cat nap. And the dust isn’t the only clue. She’s hella pregnant.

Wynonna gets up and stumbles through the diner, stealing a sleeping man’s coat to hide her bump, and as her eyes start to drift closed, Peacemaker zaps her again. She wakes Dolls up and they head outside; sure enough, it wasn’t just a diner doze. The whole town is asleep. With that realization, Wynonna shouts her sister’s name and books it for the Homestead.

Luckily she’s fine and asleep in bed, so Wynonna goes with the tried and true method of waking up a sibling and hits her with a pillow.

Waverly realizes that Nicole isn’t in bed with her anymore and that she was naked last time she saw her, which is confirmed by Nicole’s shriek when Dolls discovers her.

Okay so here’s the plan: keep the town asleep so they can find out who’s behind this, using narcotics from the evidence locker to stay awake. In a cute but subtle moment I can’t not talk about, Waverly says she won’t do it if it you have to shoot it or snort it, and says Wynonna isn’t either, but she says it in a protective sister way. Wynonna makes a joke about her sister being a NARC but then they exchange this whole dialogue with their eyes during which Wynonna thanks Waverly for giving her a believable out and Waverly is glad Wynonna appreciated her effort.

Alone for the first time since they woke up, Wynonna decides to inspect her belly, and sure enough, it’s super real. Nicole walks in just then because she forgot her gloves (turnabout interruptus is fair play) and spots the bump.

Nicole asks who knows, and Wynonna says just Waverly and she’d like to keep it that way. So Nicole nods in understanding and moves on; she wants to check on the rest of the town to make sure no one fell asleep in any unsafe positions. (Nedley would be so proud!) As Nicole leaves, Wynonna thanks her — for helping, for being chill about it, for silently agreeing not to tell anyone.

Despite having weeks of extra time, the Widows haven’t found the next seal yet, and they’re getting frustrated by Tucker and his obsession with Poppy. He found something in the salt flats but before he can tell them what, Hypnos tells them that someone is awake and he can’t do anything about it because “the heir is too strong.” The Widows are pissed; they weren’t counting on Wynonna Earp being a problem for them.

At the station, Dolls gives Wynonna and Waverly wakey drugs and walkie talkies and heads out. Waverly starts to apologize for being judgy earlier but there’s not really time to elaborate. Instead they give each other call signs (Angel Pants and Bacon Donut, obviously) and get to work.

Wynonna goes into the office to find Jeremy but instead finds the Widows, who came to scope out their new enemy. This is when Wynonna realizes there’s two of them for the first time, and that they’re capable of more than just smelling like her sister and being hecka creepy. In fact, they throw our pregnant protagonist clear across the room. They steal Jeremy’s maps and leave Wynonna on the floor.

Waverly is tasked with waking up Doc because Wynonna is still clinging to every last “nope” she can and she finds them in a…compromising position. She wakes Doc up and goes downstairs to pour herself shots to erase that image from her brain but Doc ends up doing them for her. Waverly gives him a hard time about having Rosita in her bed while the Wynonna stuff is all still murky, but he defends himself, saying he’s always been clear about what he’s about.

Waverly needs more than just naked jump scares to keep her awake, so Doc leads her downstairs to find some energy drinks. They also find Jeremy, asleep on the floor. He had come here right before the Once Upon A Time-style sleeping curse kicked in, because he realized something important: The second seal is in Shorty’s basement.

Nicole, on her patrol, is chugging that same energy drink, which I would like to take the time to point out is called BEAVER BUZZ. And it’s REAL. And its tagline is “dam good.” GOD I LOVE CANADA.

Back at the office, Dolls finds Wynonna on the floor, and therefore also finds her baby bump. Wynonna assures him this doesn’t change anything, professionally speaking, and her pep talk about her still being ready to kick demons asses still applies. Nicole calls in a Widow sighting, and Wynonna is ready to prove just that.

And prove it she does, because she makes a sassy comment about always being hot, then marches right to The Clockmaker’s Mansion and KICKS DOWN THE GODDAMN DOOR.

And listen. I explained at the end of my recap last week, that while I was hesitant about this storyline at first, after reading interviews with Emily Andras and Melanie Scrofano about why they decided to go this route, with Melanie being pregnant in real lift, etc, I was willing to trust that they would do it well. And if I’m continuing to be honest, I thought there would be at least a two-episode buffer for me to go from being 95% on board to being fully on board. I’m not great with sudden and dramatic changes, and I thought it was going to take some getting used to. But as Wynonna said, she’s still Wynonna, there are still demons to fight, and motherfucking doors to be kicked in. This was the moment any last sliver of doubt still lurking around in the back of my mind got sucked back into hell like a Revenant taken out by Peacemaker.

Anyway, the team finds Hypnos and being this close to him is too much for Nicole so she falls asleep. They can’t kill him or everyone will die, but the only reason he’s doing this is because the Widows have his daughter Poppy hostage; so if they save her, he’ll wake everyone up. One other interesting thing he says is, “They seem to know me, but I have no memory of them.” Which either means he just didn’t recognizes their new faces, or they are somehow more powerful and mysterious than time itself.

Hypnos tells them there are three seals, and that there’s one in Shorty’s. Waverly calls Wynonna to tell her about the seal at the same time Wynonna is trying to warn her about the Widows.

The Widows descend and Waverly shoots at them with her shotgun like a champ but the Widows show off a new trick, blowing frost in Doc and Waverly’s faces and paralyzing them on the ground.

Wynonna gives Nicole the shot of adrenaline Dolls had given her and she’s relieved she didn’t wake up naked this time. Wynonna is on Waverly duty, but Nicole has a job too, and it’s to find Tucker. Lucky for us, Nicole has been tracking that little fucker’s phone, waiting for a moment like this where she can take him down, and Wynonna is surprised yet delighted. Until they realize he’s heading for the Homestead.

Wynonna tells Dolls to go with Haught because Waverly would kill her if she sent her girlfriend in without backup, and besides she has some personal things to discuss with Doc. Dolls reads between the lines and decides to give it one last shot. He kisses Wynonna, and maybe if she had said something, maybe if she had done something, maybe he would have kissed her again, maybe he would have stayed. But she just looks at him helplessly because she can’t make these kinds of decisions right now, so he calls her an amazing agent and resumes his Important Person stance before heading out, taking a small chunk of Wynonna’s heart with him.

At the Homestead, in Waverly’s brand new room, Tucker is making Poppy brush her hair and wants her to change into Waverly’s cheerleading uniform. Nicole and Dolls bust into the Homestead, but Dolls is too sleepy to go on, so Nicole goes upstairs alone.

Tucker grabs Poppy but Poppy fights back and gets out of the way in time for Nicole to shoot Tucker in the shoulder. And listen, I’m not a fan of violence in real life, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love living vicariously through Nicole Haught as she punches the Champs and injures the Tuckers of the world. Tucker says he’s done something to piss off the Widows enough to get killed for it so he decides to flee instead of be taken in where they can easily find him, and defenestrates himself. Boy, bye.

Wynonna busts into the basement at Shorty’s, she gets a shot in, but she’s a few seconds too late; the seal is broken.

Once they’re gone, Waverly, Jeremy and Doc wake up, and Wynonna decides to rip the baby band-aid off and shows Doc her stomach. They meet each other’s eyes for what feels like a lifetime, saying a million things without uttering a single word, until Doc says something about hearing people upstairs and excuses himself; and with him takes another piece of Wynonna’s heart.

Wynonna goes back to Hypnos, saying Poppy is safe, asking what happens now. Even though technically weeks passed, Hypnos made it so time itself hasn’t moved at all. Wynonna and the basketball shape poking out of her shirt beg to differ, but Hypnos has no explanation for that. He says it seems her baby simply takes after Wynonna, a rule-breaker who can’t even be contained by the Sandman.

Their conversation is halted when Dolls swoops in and shoots Hypnos, because a demon is a demon. Wynonna finishes the job so the poor dude isn’t just sitting there suffering, but she’s pissed. Dolls says he’s the boss now because there’s no other role for him to play and frankly it felt like a low blow. I know you’re hurting dude, but REIGN IT IN.

Back at the station, Waverly tells Wynonna that Poppy ran off, which if fine by her. And me. I just hope she doesn’t run into Tucker out there.

Doc and Dolls both try to talk to Wynonna at the same time so she runs out and Waverly runs interference and tells them both to back off. Dolls says they have to deal with this but Waverly echoes her sister’s request from earlier and says she’ll “deal with it” on her own damn terms, in her own damn time. Doc hands her a note for Wynonna and the boys back down.

At the Gardiner house, Widow Mercedes is highly offended that she got nicked by Peacemaker; she knows now that they need to take Wynonna Earp seriously. They hear a knock at the door so they walk toward the door, knives at their back, in an eerie kind of unison. There’s something almost unnatural about the way they move and it’s so creepy and I love it.

They open the door to find Constance Clootie’s head (who they call Sister Clootie), with a note attached that said, “Let’s play a new game.”

And something tells me we’re not about to witness a rousing game of Cards Against Humanity.

Wynonna is slumped on the floor of the Homestead, looking heartbreakingly sad, when Waverly joins her to check on her big sister. Wynonna says she knows she’s a screw-up but she’s been on birth control since she was thirteen, so obviously this is the curse and the universe trying to take away her ability to choose her own destiny YET AGAIN. If she doesn’t have control of her life, or even her own body, what say does she have in anything at all?

I could write a thousand words on how perfectly relatable this is, even to me, someone who is and has never been cursed or pregnant. How certain things out of your control send your life skittering down a path you hadn’t planned on, how sometimes your body gives out on you when you need it the most. Jobs can end or change on a dime, lungs can decide to have an asthma attack while you’re already in the middle of an anxiety attack, a literal monster who sees you as a second-class citizen twice over on his best day gets elected to lead your country.

Anyway, Wynonna is sure she can’t be a mother, even says she feels sorry for the “poor asshole” inside her. Waverly wipes her sister’s tears away and says that things might not be okay, not now, maybe not for a long time, hell maybe they’ll never really be okay again, but no matter what, Waverly will be there for her. Oh also, she has a note for Wynonna from Doc.

When she reads the note, Wynonna breaks down well and good, falling into her sister’s lap, sobbing. Because the note? It says, “I am all in.”

And friends, so am I.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 205 Recap: The Goo in Goodbye

Do you know how hard it is to write a recap for a show that’s so well-written most of your recap notes are just quotes from the episode? No? Well I’ll tell you, it’s hard. But I’m going to do it. (Obviously). Because I have a lot of feelings about this episode and one or two huge giant things may or may not have happened. So. Onward!

Previously on Wynonna Earp: Goo! Briefcase! Plate! Dragon!

Great. Now that we’re all caught up, let’s throw some new players into the mix. These players are dudes wearing what look like plague doctor masks, hauling a human onto a chopping block, killing him to kill the goo monster inside him. Turns out the goo isn’t one but a few, and now that this guy is headless, only the Earpy one is left.

Speaking of said goo, it’s currently in Wynonna, who is feeling free and breezy now that it’s not in our Brave Little Toaster.

Goononna makes a dead rat smoothie while Waverly tries to reason with her. She remembers collecting shiny things for the goo, and Goononna says she did okay but there’s still work to do and only 12 hours left to do it.

Waverly tries to talk directly to her sister who she knows is somewhere inside her, and Goononna admits that it was exhausting fighting for control of Waverly, fighting all that goodness inside her. Waverly threatens the goo — she’ll use her intimate knowledge of it to find a way to destroy it but the goo threatens her (and her friends) — right back.

Waverly’s fierceness eventually annoys Goononna enough that she decides to off the littlest Earp right then and there, but the real Wynonna fights through just in time. It’s just the right amount of time, too, because Doc shows up to pick her up from work just then so the murdering will have to wait. Instead she keeps Waverly tied to the chair and shoves a gag in her mouth and skips outside.

Goononna weirdly and awkwardly flirts with Doc to distract him from checking on Waverly, who she says is just hungover.

So Doc doesn’t go in to check on our girl, which leaves her to hippity hop around using only her insane ab muscles, though it sadly gets her nowhere but horizontal.

Doc and Goononna get to Purgatory PD, where they give Jeremy the plate from the briefcase. Which he immediately licks, because he’s an adorkable weirdo and I’m so glad he’s ours. Anyway the licking came in handy because he knew the paint wasn’t really from the date painted on it and scans it to reveal what was painted over. It’s a weird crest looking thing, which Goononna uses Wynonna’s memories to recognize. It’s from the volunteer fire house.

She’s more interested in the donuts she’s eating and trying to figure out her phone’s weather app though, frankly.

Wynonna shows little to no interest in helping Doc check out the station and obviously-feigned interest in checking on Waverly, which Doc cocks an eyebrow at but says nothing.

Speaking of Waverly, she’s still tied up and knocked down at the Homestead when she hears a noise. She shouts that she’s armed and angry but is relieved to see it’s just Dolls who comes in to call her bluff. But as soon as he realizes she doesn’t really have a gun, he turns his own on her, thinking she’s still possessed. He interrogates her until she remembers stepping over his dying body as Gooverly and breaks down crying, apologizing.

She insists one last time that she’s her, and Dolls believes her. The problem is, that means Wynonna’s not Wynonna.

And Not!Wynonna has ducked out of the Black Badge office to rock the WayHaught ship a little, teasing Nicole and telling her that Waverly needs space from her and that she can’t meet Nicole’s expectations and it’s all VERY STRESSFUL.

Nicole is hurt but she turns up her chin, tells Wynonna to take a break from day drinking, and storms off. Which is too bad, because while Goononna was insulting her, Wynonna was wrasslin’ for control long enough to write “POSSESED” (sic) on a post-it. (Goononna teases her for spelling it wrong; and technically you can watch her eyes to see control shift from Wynonna to the goo and back but you don’t even have to, Melanie Scrofano is Tatiana-Maslany-level good in this episode and you can tell from the way she holds her damn FACE whether Wynonna is in charge or not.) There’s a little more wrasslin’, a pen through the hand, a threat, and then the goo takes over yet again.

Doc comes to fetch her, so she heals up the HOLE IN HER HAND, and saucily jaunts away.

At the Homestead, Waverly — who is still tied up for some reason? — explains to Dolls what it’s like to be possessed; but he seems to have an idea about it, and about the “Legion” she sensed. She says that the reason it leapt into Wynonna is because Waverly was non-compliant, but she isn’t entirely sure what it wanted her to do.

The adorable Dolls-and-Waverly bonding session is interrupted when Lucado comes in with her gun pointed straight at Dolls. Lucado wants the briefcase, but they’re not going to just hand it over so Lucado and Dolls fight. And while they’re being super badass, Waverly is being super adorable, frustrated they’re breaking their newly replaced windows and knowing this tussling isn’t helping anyone. So she wriggles her freshly grown wrist out of her zip tie and fires a warning shot into the ceiling, telling them to cut it out. They have bigger fish to fry.

Meanwhile, Wynonna is in a diner with Doc WOLFING down pancakes and doing some more weird overt flirting, which Doc again sort of tilts his head at; something fishy is going on here.

But for now, they have to focus on the task at hand, so they head to the fire station. The symbol, which features an image not dissimilar to the birdlike masks the dudes in the beginning were wearing, is on the building, just as Wynonna said it would be. As soon as they step inside, Goononna starts freaking out, which the fire chief who comes out to greet them notices right away. His name is Ewan and he’s connected to the ever-mysterious Juan Carlo and he calls him and his men The Order. He tells Goononna that they’re standing on consecrated ground and asks if she’s a sinner, which she responds to by whipping out a knife. Doc excuses them and leads them outside, and asks Wynonna why she brandished a knife instead of Peacemaker. When it becomes clear she doesn’t have Peacemaker with her, all of Doc’s suspicions are confirmed, and he plops Goononna right into the trunk of his shiny new car.

Doc takes her to the PSD, where Dolls helps him wrangle her into a cell while Waverly stands by and apologizing for touching the goo.

The team decides they might need to call in the big guns, and everyone looks to Lucado, but no one has been answering her calls, much to her dismay. They need a sample of the tentacle goo to try to figure out what to do next, so Lucado and Dolls send Waverly and Doc back to the arch. Lucado reminds Waverly not to touch the goo and Waverly assures her that she is goo free and proud.

After Doc and Waverly leave, Dolls asks her what the deal with that mission is, because they both know and resigoo will be gone. But it was just to keep them away for a while; Black Badge has obviously dealt with this particular demon before. Dolls even knows its name: Mictian. They really do need more goo, and there’s only one way to get it…they’re going to need to take it right from Wynonna.

Goononna teases Dolls for a bit but he’s all business. He holds up the shears he intends to use to cut his finger and Goononna tries bluffing and begging to get him to not, but then the real Wynonna fights through and tells him to do it. This gives him the confidence to commit and he just lops off her pinky finger, just like that. Gonnonna puts on a good show of whining and wailing as he leaves, but as soon as he’s gone, she smirks and wiggles all five of her fully intact fingers.

Waverly and Doc are at the arch, sure the snow and soil have cleared away any goo that may have been left, when Juan Carlo appears to give them a nudge the right direction. He tells them that the fire folks are called The Order and that maybe they should offer them something to get them to help them, then he quite literally disappears.

Dolls is working on a way to make something to expel the goo from Wynonna once and for all when Lucado finishes her experiment and finds herself face to face with a tiny shiny pool of goo. It sings to her and despite being the one who has said, “Don’t touch the goo!” the very most, she does just that.

Turns out Lucado is allergic to goo though, and she fights Goocado long enough to tell Dolls to gtfo, but then loses her head. Quite literally. It’s pretty gross. And probably not regenerable.

Waverly and Doc come back and think Dolls offed Lucado, but he explains she touched the goo they made from Wynonna’s finger. (That sentence, though.) They have to get the goo out of Wynonna and fast, but Waverly is worried about what they’re even supposed to do without Wynonna and Peacemaker to close the deal.

Doc and Dolls get to work making a potion that will trick the goo out of Wynonna while Waverly slinks out to chat with her sister.

Waverly ignores Goononna’s taunts about Waverly being better than Nicole, and about Waverly having “dark corners,” and tries to talk right to Wynonna. She doesn’t know how to save her sister. But! She has an idea: she can’t save her sister, but her sister can always save her.

She trusts her sister more than anything in this world and has no doubts Wynonna will solve this so she presses Peacemaker against Goononna to aggravate her and takes the goo back. Back in our Brave Little Toaster, the goo demon is impressed and pretty pumped to be free again.

And doesn’t hate that this is the body it’ll be in forever.

Gooverly flounces out and Wynonna tells Doc and Dolls that she knows the whole plan now and how to stop the madness.

The Order is at the Homestead when Gooverly gets there, but they are looking for the heir, and they call Waverly “just some girl” thus solidifying them as “bad guys” in my heart even if they are demon killers.

Gooverly is a little disappointed to find Nicole in the barn fidgeting with the shiny metal tower the goo built with all the knickknacks it had Waverly steal. Gooverly decides to distract her by pretending to cry about Wynonna being possessed so that Nicole will hold her close and be ready to protect her from her big bad sister.

Outside everyone has their guns pointed at everyone else until Wynonna chugs some holy water to show she’s not possessed. Ewan calls Waverly collateral damage (See? Bad guy.) which makes Wynonna RULL MAD.

Doc has an idea and an important thing happens. Wynonna asks where he’s going and Dolls asks, “Don’t you trust him?” And Wynonna says, “Always.” Not unlike another exchange form earlier where Doc also and without hesitation confirmed that he always trusts Wynonna. They were both subtle moments, not lingered upon, but very impactful. In my humble opinion. (Read that last sentence in Doc’s accent.)

Doc comes back with the commemorative plate, which convinces Ewan to give Wynonna fifteen minutes. When Wynonna enters the barn, Nicole is standing protectively between her and who she thinks is her girlfriend but is really a goo-fiend clinging to the metal tower and waiting for lightning to strike to make Gooverly a permanent thing.

Wynonna tries to convince Nicole that Waverly is actually the one who is possessed by saying two true things: Waverly is not Nicole’s responsibility. And they both love Waverly. Gooverly tells Nicole to just shoot Wynonna and that’s when Nicole knows Wynonna is telling the truth. Annoyed, Gooverly throws poor Nicole across the damn barn.

Wynonna tries to talk to Waverly; she fought the goo for weeks and weeks, she can do it one more time. Waverly fights through enough to talk back but she says she can’t get control of her body enough to drink the potion. So she reminds Wynonna of a time she forced her to drink grape soda until it came out of her nose, and Wynonna employs that same trick now.

Sisterhood saves the day again.

Waverly vomits out goo and a tiny tentacle demon that Wynonna shoots dead.

Nicole scoops Waverly up and says she’d shoot anyone for Waverly but probably they’re both glad she didn’t do it just then. Then they kiss and it’s sweet and great and lovely but like if they could stop getting hurt that’d be great.

Cue Wynonnus Interruptus.

Nicole isn’t too mad about it this time, and thanks Wynonna for saving “our girl.” Nicole reminds Wynonna she was pretty nasty to her today and Wynonna assures her that not all of it was true.

Dolls finds Jeremy to tell him Lucado is dead, but Jeremy has news too: Black Badge is gone. So maybe Lucado wasn’t being blackballed by her bosses after all…maybe she was just ghosted.

Wynonna goes to visit Ewan the fire chief and he says Juan Carlo wants them to be allies but neither of them are so sure about that. Wynonna’s team roster is a little full at the moment. But who knows what the future will bring.

Even though he called Willa the “rightful” heir which caused Wynonna to make her hurt face so that’s three strikes for me, buster.

Wynonna goes home and finds Waverly sitting on the stairs waiting for her, looking a little nervous. The goo told her some secrets about Wynonna, which makes Wynonna do this terrified little almost imperceptible gulp but Waverly says this secret Wynonna might not even know about and hands her a brown paper bag.

Wynonna goes into the bathroom and Waverly talks to her through the door, promising to be there for her big sister, no matter what. Wynonna asks exactly what the goo told her and Waverly says that the goo called Wy’s body “too crowded.” Waverly assures her again that she’s there for her, and Wynonna is sure gonna need it.

Because Wynonna Earp is pregnant.

I am going to be completely honest with you: when that pregnancy test said yes, I felt my heart sink. A pregnancy storyline is not something I tend to enjoy, and it was never something I thought I had to worry about on Wynonna Earp. I don’t know why specifically I don’t like them — I wasn’t even a huge fan of it on Orphan Black (mostly because of how it happened) even though pregnant Helena ended up being something of a gift. Maybe I don’t like them because usually they’re done stupidly; they’re rushed or poorly written and/or feel like a “we didn’t know what to do with this female character, let’s just knock her up” lazy move. But Wynonna Earp doesn’t do rushed or poorly written, and Wynonna Earp sure as shit knows what to do with their female characters. So why were they doing this? Well, after the episode aired, Variety ran an article explaining exactly why: Melanie Scrofano was pregnant in real life when they were filming. And that changed EVERYTHING for me. Because reading about what Emily Andras decided to do about the fact that her lead actress was going to be in her third trimester while filming was a pure display of the badass feminism that goes on behind the scenes of this badass feminist show.

When Melanie came to Emily and told her she was pregnant, Emily could have done a lot of things. She could have pushed the show out, a risky move for a new show. She could have tried to hide it with scenery and props, which hardly any show has ever done successfully. Hell, it’s a scifi show; she could have had some kind of bodyswapping demon swoop in and entirely recast the role of Wynonna. But she didn’t. Instead she decided to have “pregnant” be just another adjective to describe this wild, complicated, fiercely loyal, ass-kicking, donut-loving, goofball demon hunter.

If there was ever a show I could trust to make me love a pregnancy storyline, it’s Wynonna Earp. I trust that the show will stay our show, and Wynonna will stay our Wynonna. Well, as Wynonna as she can be without whiskey. And hey, her food cravings can’t be half as bad as Gooverly and Goononna’s, right?

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 204 Recap: Tacos are Tasty!

Previously on Wynonna Earp, everyone but Nicole was forced to sign a Black Badge Blood Contract, Doc blackmailed Rosita into helping him cook up a cure for Doll’s scaly dilemma, Waverly touched the goo and it’s starting to cause some major issues including but not limited to eating weird shit, being aggressive af, and collecting shiny objects.

The thing with Waverly so far is that her Dark persona has come in flashes, rarely around for longer than a quick snack or a pocketed trinket. But now? Now we open on Dark Waverly slow-mo walking outside the homestead, for longer than we’ve ever see her have hold of Waverly, and loving every minute of it, relishing the control.

Also she’s holding a knife.

She spots something shiny, as Dark Waverly is wont to do. She inspects the object closely, and whether she recognizes it as Dolls’ dog tags or just the next addition to her collection is anyone’s guess, because Wynonna comes outside then and snaps Waverly back into her own body.

Wynonna is confused as to why her always-cold baby sister is outside, but Waverly doesn’t even know. Waverly chalks it up to sleepwalking, after letting out one of those little sobs that sometimes escapes when you’re so tired you don’t know what to do, and Wynonna ushers her back inside, her words reassuring Waverly, her face looking mighty concerned.

Cut to a coffee shop where our baddies of the week are up to no good. There are three players here, Briefcase Guy, a man I will call Polgara for reasons that may or may not become clear later, and his bodyguard, who he calls Cujo, also for reasons that may or may not become clear later.

Anyway, the baddies all fight and eventually Polgara cuts Briefcase Guy’s hand clear off so that he just becomes Guy and Polgara has the briefcase.

Back at the Black Badge office in the Purgatory Sheriff Department, Jeremy and Waverly are doing a VERY CUTE smartypants back-and-forth trying to decipher some of the symbols on the broken seal.

Lucado comes in, excited about news of this stolen Black Badge briefcase, because this is her chance to get re-promoted and out of Purgatory for good. Lucado tries to get Wynonna to come help her, but Wynonna wants on seal duty instead; something big is coming and she can’t be off being Lucado’s task rabbit. Waverly, on the other hand, would love nothing more. She’s been waiting for this moment to prove herself, and starts rattling off her skills: she’s very bendy and can fit in small spaces, she’s fluent in four languages, she can lift grown men over her head with one hand…okay, she doesn’t mention that last part. But after Lucado assures Wynonna it’s a perfectly safe mission for Waverly to go solo on for the first time, she agrees, and Waverly is PUMPED.

Meanwhile down in the basement of Shorty’s, Rosita and Doc are in cute leather lab aprons and they’re being kind of flirty but who knows what Rosita’s deal is and if we can trust her with his mustachioed heart.

Rosita is worried about getting the dosage wrong and killing Dolls, but Doc says they’re running out of time and that they have no choice but to try.

Wynonna heads to the breakroom of the Purgatory Sheriff Department and once again runs into Nicole. This time, though, she apologizes; she can’t deny it anymore, not now that Nicole said something. Something’s wrong with Waverly. They bond over their mutual love for Waverly; Nicole even echoes the blanket concern Wynonna had re: Waverly sleepwalking outside in winter. Their sweet moment is interrupted by Wynonna being unable to find a spoon. Nicole says all of the cutlery has been disappearing, slowly but surely, which is when Wynonna realizes that the knife she had taken from Waverly that morning probably came from here.

Wynonna checks the other pocket of the coat she had given Waverly and finds Dolls’ dog tags, so she books it back to the barn.

She finds Dolls halfway to beast town and tries to keep the mood light even though her face has all kinds of terror dancing across it. He pins her down and starts to choke her so she pulls Peacemaker on him; she knows he’s more demon than human because Peacemaker glows bright until she talks him down. As soon as his eyes grow dim, so does Peacemaker.

Dolls tries to get Wynonna to leave because he’s worried he can’t control this thing inside him, but there’s no way she’s leaving him, not this time.

So she knocks him out instead.

Lucado drives Waverly to a nightclub called Bading Bading, and I want to pause here to say that one thing this episode does really, really well is to remind us, in no uncertain terms, of what Waverly is in her truest form. She’s been drifting in and out so much, and even Waverly has had a little darkness, what with Willa betraying them then Wynonna having to kill Will and Waverly’s own Earpiness being called into question. But this episode gives us Pure Waverly in a way that makes the line between Waverly and Gooverly clearer than ever.

To that point, Waverly is heading inside the club to scope out the briefcase situation, giddily asking Lucado if their extraction phrase can be, “Tacos are tasty.” Lucado doesn’t care, nor does she care when Waverly runs into Cujo and Gooverly takes over long enough to agree to be the entertainment for the evening.

Wynonna gets Dolls from the Homestead to Shorty’s, but the medicine isn’t ready. Wynonna whispers sweet nothings about terrariums and sunlamps until Dolls becomes the second person to warn her that there’s something off about Waverly.

Speaking of people who simply aren’t themselves lately, cut to the Gardner house, where Mercedes is sitting like a proper lady but housing bacon like she’s never had it before. Tucker comes in to bug her (Mercedes tells him Beth is “putting on her face”) and she eventually loses her patience with him and tells him to bugger off. As soon as he’s gone, we hear Beth scream in the distance, which delights “Mercedes” almost as much as the bacon.

Wynonna goes back to the Black Badge office because Doc has convinced her to ask Jeremy the Eager Beaver for help, and help he does when he smells ammonia on her jacket and rips it off just before it bursts into flames.

At first, Wynonna is delighted because she thinks Jeremy has superpowers.

But that’s not the case. He just recognized the smell of the chemicals on her jacket…the combination of which he hasn’t seen since he was making lizard juice for Black Badge. With this he realizes Dolls is alive and he couldn’t be happier, and in this moment we learn two things about Jeremy: Something happened with his mom that Dolls knows the backstory of, and he can do one push-up with Dolls’ help. Sweet baby angel.

Jeremy also lets it slip that Lucado has been having some issues lately, so Wynonna has him point her in the direction of the current mission, just in case Waverly needs some backup of a less badge-y variety.

But right now the only backup Waverly needs is a pianist.

After a false start, Waverly starts singing a lovely little lounge tune, looking like something out of a movie, and crooning like she’s been doing it her whole life. The only words to the song are, “Boys are like rules they were meant to be broken, girls are like guns you better run when they’re smoking,” but who needs verses or a chorus when you sound like an angel and look like THIS.

While she’s singing, Waverly keeps eyes on Polgara and follows him and the briefcase after the song is over, earning her a genuinely impressed smile from Lucado.

Waverly thinks the guy is going to sell the briefcase, based on her eavesdropping, and don’t ask me why, but this eavesdropping ended up being my favorite shots of the episode.

Before long the buyer is dead and Waverly is panicking and TACOS ARE TASTY.

Wynonna shows up just in time and rushes in because Lucado says there was a gunshot but no backup, and Wynonna quickly finds her sister pressed up against a wall, near a dead body that for a minute Wynonna thinks was maybe Waverly’s doing. Wynonna wants to get them out of there, but it’s too late, Waverly can’t even fake a lost lounge singer now that Wynonna is there waving her gun around. Which bums Waverly out because she had this under control if only everyone would trust her.

Polgara ties up the Earp sisters and demands to know what the Black Badge briefcase is all about: how to open it, what the initials EE stand for, anything.

But the girls play it cool and reveal nothing.

Over at Shorty’s, Doc and Rosita are about to inject Dolls with their serum, but Jeremy runs in just in time to warn them that they could be giving him a lethal dose. He tells them Wynonna trusts him, and they should recognize what that means, and they should all work together the help Dolls.

Still captive, but waiting for Polgara to try to break open the briefcase in another room, the Earp girls make a plan for their escape. Waverly laments this failed mission; she just wanted to see what it was like to be Wynonna for a while. This leads them to talking about what it means to be Waverly, and Waverly finally admitting that something’s not right, that she’s losing time and the sleepwalking is freaking her out a little.

She even admits that it all started when she touched the goo. Wynonna assures her that whatever it is, they’ll figure it out. Together.

But first they have to figure out how to get out of here. So they use teamwork, stilettos, and Siri to call Doc in a nice moment of levity to release us from the looming What’s With Waverly anxiety.

Doc doesn’t hear his phone ring the first few times because he’s too busy bonding with Dolls. Doc pokes fun of him for not being human, Dolls retorts back that he looks funny without a hat, it’s all VERY SWEET. Dolls also reveals that he was in pretty rough shape but the mysterious Juan Carlo scooped him up and delivered him to the Earp homestead, supposedly because he had a job to finish, though what that means is anyone’s guess.

Across town, Tucker, concerned about his sisters, goes to talk to Officer Haught. Who, unsurprisingly, is less than pleased to see the human worm writhe into her office.

When he sees she’s not jumping at the chance to help this pervert, he pointedly calls Waverly her “friend” and low-key threatens to blackmail her with the knowledge that Waverly might be dangerous.

Thus placing Haught between a rock and a jerkface.

In the basement of Bading Bading (gosh what a whimsical place for the horrors we’re about to witness to occur), Polgara comes back and admits the metal is impenetrable so he’s going to have to take a new approach. He unties Waverly, lays her on the workbench, and clamps her arm in a vice. He’s asking them question after question, and finally reveals his weapon of choice: a long, spiky skewer thing that protrudes from his wrist. Not unlike a Polgara demon from Buffy. DEEP CUT. Whatever it was better than finding a new way to say “the bad guy” every time I mentioned him and I simply refuse to call him “The Rugged Man” as the credits suggest.

ANYWAY while tensions are mounting, Polgara is threatening Waverly with his skewer and Wynonna is yelping that she seriously doesn’t know any of the answers. After getting a little slice, Waverly offers a suggestion (Edwin Earp could be EE) that comes to a dead end when she can’t think of a code that would be more than four numbers. Wynonna breaks free of her ties and punches Cujo, all with the intention of saving Waverly, but instead what happens is Polgara gets impatient and he uses his skewer to CUT OFF HER HAND.

HER HAND.

HE CUTS IT OFF.

IT’S ON THE FLOOR NOW.

Wynonna is devastated, horrified she couldn’t protect her baby sister. Things are looking dire, and Polgara is looking arrogant about it, but who needs Black Badge backup when you have the fastest gunslinger in Purgatory on your side. Doc flies in just in time, scooping up a bad guy’s hat on the way.

Polgara and Cujo grab the briefcase and run, so Wynonna unclamps Waverly and helps her out. At first she’s moaning things like, “This can’t be happening,” but we know our Waves in still in there because she also makes a “that’s what she said” joke.

In the hallway, they run into Polgara again and Waverly kicks him square between the legs. It’s glorious. Waverly asks if they should take the briefcase, but Wynonna cares about Waverly and only Waverly right now; Black Badge can get their own damn briefcase back.

In the basement of shorty, Rosita is trying to flirt some science answers out of Jeremy, but he very nervously and awkwardly turns down her advances. Because you see she’s not his type. Because, beautiful and smart as she is…she’s still a she.

THAT’S RIGHT KIDS, JEREMY IS CANON GAY. All that fawning over Doc Holliday wasn’t just him being a Wild West fanboy. Do you remember the last time there were both queer men and women as part of the same core cast? Was it Glee?? I’m pretty sure if I dug deep I could still count the number of shows who have done that on my fingers, so yet another round of applause for Andreas & Co from me.

When Rosita realizes the score, she quickly changes tracks, and convinces him that she was just hazing him because he’s the new guy. Jeremy loves this SO MUCH and scurries off to get everyone lattes, leaving Rosita annoyed. And I can’t quite figure out why; is it because she wants to get Dolls cured so she’s free of whatever Doc is holding over her? Does she really want to unlock the science answers? Is she super into humanoid reptiles? I guess we’ll figure it out eventually.
For now, she takes the needle and taunts Dolls with it.

That is, until he breaks an arm free and injects himself, despite not knowing if the dosage will kill him. His eyes turn to lizard slits and he tells her to run so she does.

After she’s gone, Dolls’ forehead crinkles and looks like molten lava. Youch.

Back at Badabing Badaboom, Waverly and Wynonna get attacked by Polgara AGAIN and this time is taken out by a well-timed knife through courtesy of Doc Holliday. Doc is ready to for some classic post-fight banter, but all Wynonna can say is, “He took her hand.” Doc realizes Waverly is hurt and runs to her.

Doc is tying off the wound and Wynonna is running off to find the hand to put it on ice when Gooverly passes through right quick.

When Waverly takes back over, she sees the bloody towel and is alarmed and asks who’s hurt. Everyone is confused and because we always want to explain away what we can’t understand, they sort of convince themselves that maybe they were all just really stressed out and imagined seeing Waverly’s hand get CHOPPED OFF AND FALL TO THE FLOOR.

They take the briefcase and head to Shorty’s, where they find Rosita blocking the door to the basement. Wynonna isn’t about that life though and is opening the door to go talk to Dolls when Polgara comes back AGAIN, knife still in his back, because the bastard will. not. die.

He tries to get the briefcase back and there’s a bit of a standoff until Dolls comes up the stairs and BREATHES FIRE ON HIM.

Wynonna is worried that Dolls has gone full Drogon on him and she was going to have to learn High Valyrian, but then Dolls starts to laugh with delight in a way we’ve rarely if ever seen before. Wynonna hugs him, Doc shakes his hand, they exchange smiles; one major dilemma solved. Only about a hundred to go.

Polgara, still without the good sense to die, is now a charred heap, murmuring about a something big that’s coming. Wynonna shrugs him off, saying she’s ready for whatever it is, and shoots him with Peacemaker, so hopefully this time it will stick.

Tucker Gardner goes home and finds his sisters being as strange as ever and this time you may notice little scars along their jawlines. Mercedes opens a door to reveal the real Mercedes and Beth, faceless screaming bodies now, and frankly Tucker doesn’t really react ENOUGH. Perhaps this is because, as whatever-is-wearing-Mercedes’-skin says, they want to harness Tucker’s darkness, and in exchange, he can have whatever he wants. He says he wants a girl, because of course he does, because Tucker is the worst.

Back at the homestead, the Earp girls use Waverly’s perfect brain to open the briefcase after all, and Wynonna is pretty disappointed to find only a commemorative plate of the Purgatory Fair inside.

This mystery solved, Wynonna goes on to the next one: what’s goo-ing on with Waverly? Wynonna wants to help. Waverly’s back is to her sister and she says “she’s been resisting” but it’s Gooverly talking. Waverly has been putting up a fight, refusing to relinquish full control, because that’s all Waverly has ever wanted, isn’t it? Control over her own life, her own destiny. Her family was cursed and it left her out of it, so she spent her life carving her own path. So of course when something threatens her agency, she’s not going to give it up without a fight.

But the darkness grows stronger.

And the darkness is done fighting.

Wynonna holds up Peacemaker to Waverly and sure enough, it glows. Waverly isn’t all human, not right now, not anymore.

Wynonna tries to talk to Waverly, but it’s Dark Waverly answering, saying she’s not having fun in this body anymore, but that Wynonna looks like just the thing she needs. She steps closer and closer and Wynonna watches her carefully, afraid to make any sudden movements, lest the monster with Waverly’s face attack and force her to kill another sister. So it’s still she’s standing when Dark Waverly leans in and presses her lips against Wynonna’s.

And that’s when we learn that Dark Waverly isn’t just really into incest, but instead is using the mouth to travel from Waverly’s body to Wynonna’s.

And guess what? Wynonna hates being in control. She was given this destiny, this daunting task, this responsibility that has already lead her to have to make horrible and devastating decisions. And Wynonna is strong, so strong, but she’s tired. Exhausted, even. So when something offers to take the reigns for a while, of course her soul lets it happen.

Which is why, I imagine, despite it being the first time the darkness enters Wynonna, we see it take hold of her for longer and with more clarity than it ever had Waverly.

And Goononna is gonna be trouble, I can tell.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 203 Recap: The One with the Cheerleading

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Dolls was on the lam, Wynonna and her crew were forced to sign a Black Badge Blood Pact, but Waverly kept Nicole out if it for what she thought was her own good, and speaking of Waverly, something weird has been going on with her since she touched the goo in the season one finale and sometimes her eyes go black and she becomes who the internet has lovingly dubbed Gooverly and Gooverly does wacky things sometimes like EATING GIANT DEMON SPIDERS.

As if to help us cleanse our memories of that horrific event, this episode opens in what I thought for sure was a lesbian fever dream, but was as real as Waverly’s hair is long. So no, your eyes didn’t deceive you, we open on Waverly cheerleading.

The song is saucy and sings a thematically appropriate, “I’m the only one who can write my story,” while the camera speeds up and slows down to follow Waverly’s every shake, shimmy, and hair toss.

When the camera swings around again, Nicole is standing there, making the same face I was making. Just, aghast. Waverly is all smiles but feeling a little shy. She wasn’t sure if Nicole would be in it. Nicole assures her there was something for everyone there, and that the folks at the homecoming event will love it.

But that performance wasn’t for some hockey players. It was for Nicole and Nicole only. A private show before she had to go on patrol. Despite her girlfriend’s precious pout and other convincing evidence she should stay home, Nicole has to make sure the alumni of the high school stay in line. Waverly tries one more time, putting her hands in Nicole’s newly short hair and telling her how she would prefer the cop to use her hands, pulling her into a kiss.

Waverly has one more cheer for Nicole but as soon as her leg goes up for a high kick, her sister comes in and gets a show not intended for her. See the thing is, Waverly isn’t wearing any panties, which could have resulted in a little pre-shift fun times if it hadn’t been for Wynonnus Interruptus. Instead, Nicole scurries away, probably cursing the older Earp girls and their poor timing, and asking if Waverly will stop by the school later. Waverly says she will, complete with adorkable finger guns and a wink.

After Nicole leaves, Wynonna teases Waverly a bit, about needing a doorknob policy, about being head cheerleader and prom queen, etc. Waverly calls Wynonna out for looking exhausted and over-cleaning Peacemaker. At which point Waverly picks up the gun and says, “You’ve polished the shaft enough,” and at first I was VERY OFFENDED by a shaft joke being so soon after a queerleading scene, but upon rewatching I realized this had more to do with Gooverly’s penchant for shiny things than anything else.

Anyway, Wynonna has to go protect the people who made her youth miserable, because one the star players of the old championship hockey team found himself face-to-face with Oogie Boogie from Nightmare Before Christmas and was thus compelled to rip his own liver out with his bare hands.

At the crime scene, Nedley tells Officer Haught they don’t have time to deal with this today, what with all the drunk alumni about to be in town. So, despite Haught’s protests, they hand the case over to the ever-official, always-professional, definitely-not-eating-a-donut-while-snapping-photos-of-a-dead-body-with-a-cell-phone Black Badge Division.

Officer Haught is not pleased.

Over at shorties, Rosita tells Doc that whatever they’re working on in the basement isn’t going well/fast enough and she needs something “pure.” Also more tequila. Running a joint bar/science operation isn’t easy.

Wynonna comes in and is surprised to see someone so…new behind the bar.

And I feel like probably Rosita knows exactly who it is, because she offers Wynonna a spritzer, and it felt like a pretty pointed dig. No real bartender would ever a) actually recommend a spritzer outright or b) ever ask someone who looks like Wynonna Gunpowder-and-Lead Earp if she wanted a SPRITZER. Anyway, before Wynonna can figure out what her deal is, Mercedes calls her over to the other side of the bar for some afternoon tequila shots. Mercedes tries to get Wynonna back on the horse, and even goes so far as to call a stallion over, much to Wynonna’s chagrin.

Wynonna and Perry know each other from Wynonna’s troubled youth, and though Wynonna squirms away from the situation as fast as she’s able, Perry is intrigued, especially by her new “special detective” and gets her number from Mercedes. And you know what’s fucked? This is now two people, Mercedes and Perry, who knew Wynonna got sent away for believing demons were real when they were younger, who both also knew demons to be real, but still didn’t do a damn thing about it/mention it to her until they needed her help as an adult. And I know Mercedes already expressed her guilt about it, etc etc, but it just makes me extra sad for Teen!Wynonna because being a teenager already really fucking sucks without people telling you you’re broken because they don’t believe or understand a thing you know to be true.

ANYWAY After escaping the awkward social situation, Wynonna finds Doc to show him the crime scene photos, but he doesn’t really understand words like “hockey” so he’s going to sit this one out until she needs him. Just then, Rosita comes by and, again, MUST know some things about Wynonna, because she sidles up to Doc in a way she’s never done when they’re alone, and it does the trick of setting Wynonna OFF. She says Rosita seems “super smart” and says other things that internalized misogyny teaches you to say when you feel difficult things like jealousy.

Wynonna stomps back to the Black Badge office in the Purgatory Police Department and Jeremy gives her the lowdown on what some of the symbols on the Hellmouth Manhole may or may not mean. They have a little banter and it’s very cute but it’s also very clear that Wynonna still thinks Jeremy is Lucado’s puppet so she’s keeping him a Slenderman-arm’s length away. But what they do decide, more or less together, is that the liverectemy and the Hellmouth don’t seem to be connected, and that the hockey star was staring at the trophy when he died.

After Jeremy leaves, Wynonna gets a call from Perry, and tries to play it cool but ends up doing what I do on approximately 90% of all phone calls.

He thinks she’s fun and wants to pick her up, and she agrees because why the heck not. He’s cute, she could probably use a break from all the death and terror, Doc might end up getting a little jealous…what could possibly go wrong?

I’ll tell you what could go wrong. Perry could be a BUNNY MURDERER. And SURE ENOUGH as soon as he hangs up with Wynonna, he finishes BLEEDING A BUNNY and performing some kind of magic sacrifice situation. (For the record, I’m so using this as an excuse next time someone asks why I don’t go on a date with a girl who messaged me on Tinder; “She could be SKINNING A RABBIT and DRAINING IT OF ITS BLOOD at this VERY MOMENT.”)

Back at the Homestead, in a rare moment of extreme normalcy, Wynonna wants to borrow some lipstick from her sister.

But that normalcy is short-lived because as soon as Perry arrives and Wynonna leaves the room, Waverly goes Dark and EATS THE LIPSTICK.

But WHY. Also why am I so into Dark Waverly?! I get so excited when I can sense her coming. But also it’s stressing me out because I don’t want Dark Waverly INSTEAD of Waverly. I want both. Like when we had Willow and Vamp Willow in Dopplegangland.

At the pep rally at school, Wynonna is having the worst time though is mildly amused by Mercedes making a pretty passionless speech about taking back the town. Wynonna is distracted by Perry sneaking out and when she catches up to him, so does another star hockey player (they kept calling them “champs” which when Wynonna first said it, I thought she was saying they all were as useless as Champ…which…also true…except Perry) named Skip stumbles up to them, talking about how their buddy B-Train is dead and that it’s all their fault and Perry was supposed to fix it. Perry makes an excuse for him and shuttles him away, leaving Wynonna to wonder why they’re acting squirrelly and also why she never knew Bryce’s nickname was B-Train.

Hyped up on the promise of mystery and her date possibly being mixed up in the mysterious, Wynonna practically scoops Waverly up when she runs into her outside, but Waverly is going to go wait for Nicole to be off shift instead. Wynonna is having flashbacks to when Waverly missed her own Valedictorian speech to watch Champ play a video game (which broke my fucking heart, lemme tell you) and reminds Waverly that she’s come so far. She’s finally figuring out who she is and what she wants, and Wynonna doesn’t want her to start to forget again, to lose herself in the person she’s dating.

But Wynonna makes a critical error (through no fault of her own) by reinforcing this whole “you’re an Earp” thing, a sore spot for Waverly.

So Waverly throws in a dig at Wynonna’s own dating life and struts inside to boop her girlfriend on the nose with some cotton candy. And I’m not sure exactly when Gooverly was triggered – was it when Waverly got upset at Wynonna? Was it when she saw the demon trophy? – but either way Waverly launches herself at Nicole and kisses her on the mouth even though they’re in the middle of a homecoming crowd and also Nicole is on duty.

Nicole pulls back, reminding her that they can’t kiss while she’s in uniform AND in public – has to be one or the other. And while Waverly’s eyes aren’t black anymore they’re still metaphorically dark when she snaps, “Not good enough.” But before Nicole can address this out-of-character moment, she notices a dude filming upskirts of the high school cheerleading squad. Duty calls, and Waverly seems to snap out of it as Officer Haught springs into action and confronts the arrogant sumbitch, who doesn’t even flinch when he’s caught, but instead tries to blackmail Haught with a video of her and Waverly kissing.

Waverly shifts uncomfortably and tells her girlfriend that this human embodiment of cis male white privilege is Tucker Gardner. But that name means nothing to Officer Nicole Haught so she cuffs him and takes him away, leaving a nervous Waverly behind.

Meanwhile, Wynonna has jaunted off to Skip’s house to find him on his stoop wailing about B-Train. Wynonna notices a symbol on the door and on Skip’s forehead, which Skip says Perry made. Just then, Oogie Boogie shows up and almost makes Skip rip out his own insides right in front of her. She distracts Boogie long enough for Skip to get away, but then she’s left with no victim to protect AND no baddie, so it’s back to square one. Well, maybe square two.

Back at the precinct, Nedley is releasing Tucker to his sister Beth and Haught is HEATED. Nedley reminds her about what he calls a “display of galpalitis” and then also says “boys will be boys” and Haught feels like she maybe woke up in some kind of dystopian hellhole that she has lovingly dubbed, “Patriarchal Bullshit Land.”

Tucker hisses the PBL slogan at Officer Haught (“nasty woman”) as he leaves and Nedley puts her on desk duty and our poor little redhead truly can’t catch a break. She storms into the breakroom, but alas the room’s name is misleading, and she doesn’t find a break in there either. Instead she finds Wynonna, who is getting books for Waverly, which Nicole assumes is for avoidance reasons. When she confronts Wynonna about Waverly acting a little strange – almost cruel – since The Willa Thing, but ends up getting some trademark Wynonna Earp defensiveness, this time in the form of “do you think I don’t know my own sister” insecurities ON TOP OF “are we sure you’re good enough for my Brave Little Toaster” insecurities. By the end, Nicole tries to say “forget it” but Wynonna promises she won’t.

Wynonna goes back to the Homestead, where her little troop is gathered, and tells them she thinks Perry summoned a demon using a symbol. She’s feeling a little overwhelmed with all the demonic hullabaloo going on and Dolls still being MIA, but springs into action when there’s a knock at the door, telling her little sister to cover her with her big shotgun.

Perry had been eavesdropping at the door and is pleased to have confirmation that Wynonna knows the deal on demons…that is, until Doc knocks him out cold. When Waverly mentions that what she was about to say before Perry knocked is that the symbol he drew was actually a protection symbol, so maybe he’s not so bad after all.

They use vapors to wake him and he tells them his story about how the coach was sick of his team losing every year, so he forced his star players to do a spell and summon a demon who would grand them a wish: ten years of good luck, and then they’d have to pay the price. At 17, ten years is an unfathomable amount of time, so they all did it – they all ended up being successful and happy…and rich.

That is, until now. Waverly works out what kind of demon it is and that it came out of the trophy because she’s a tiny genius, and they run off to kill it. Before they do though, Doc pulls Wynonna over and suggests perhaps making this mission less hunt more gather. See, he wants the demon’s blood (don’t worry that it’s made out of bugs in a sack, it has to have blood in there somewhere) because what he and Rosita have been working on this whole time is the medicine Dolls needs to not go full lizard.

And friends, consider Wynonna’s mind BLOWN.

But of course she’s down with this new plan.

Waverly’s part of the plan was to go find out where Skip was, and as she’s leaving his wife (who she deems “stacked”) with that info, she stumbles across Tucker the Fucker. He almost sounds possessed by the collective droning spirit of the alt-right as he says things like telling her to smile and telling her Nicole can’t be her girlfriend because that would be wrong. Well, turns out Gooverly is a feminist too because she comes out in full force and grabs Tucker by his neck and lifts him high over her head.

Though honestly who knows if Gooverly was triggered by his douchebaggery or not, because she snatches his medical ID bracelet from him, drops him, then answers her phone as if nothing happened.

Across town, Wynonna heads to the school to get the trophy, and though at first she tries to speak Teenager to weasel it away from them, eventually they get in her face and she decides to handle this the Earp way and beat the snot out of these rascals. Mercedes tries not to fall in love with her on the spot as Wynonna triumphantly slow-mo walks out of the school, middle finger flying, trophy shining, big smile flashing.

Perry and Doc pull up during her victory walk and tell her where Skip is and why they’re stressed about it: he’s in the Purgatory PD holding cell, meaning their buddy Nicole might be in danger.

And sure enough, when Oogie Boogie gets there, Nicole tries to put herself between it and Skip fired up with adrenaline from the shit day she’s having.

She gets thrown across the room, stands up, gets thrown again. She’s contemplating her next move when Doc and Wynonna come storming in; and even though their last interaction was less than pleasant, the first thing Wynonna says to Nicole is, “Are you okay?”

The team fights the big bad and Wynonna is about to put that genie back in its lamp for good when it offers her a wish; anything she desires. And because of Scrofano Sorcery, you can see everything Wynonna Earp has ever wished flicker across her face.

But in the end she wishes Oogie Boogie back into the trophy, and with it she saw any hope of magically reversing the curse, of bringing back Willa, of finding out what life would have been like if she hadn’t shot Peacemaker back when she was 12. But she gives herself a tiny nod; she did the right thing, even if it wasn’t the easy thing.

As the chaos subsides, Wynonna and Perry share a kiss, but it’s clear Wynonna isn’t feeling it. She insists that’s on her because she’s broken, smiling sadly and sending him away, looking pointedly at her necklace. But it’s not so much about broken vs. not broken; I think the best of us are all a little broken. It’s about finding someone whose broken edges fit neatly into yours.

Nedley goes into the office to find Officer Haught cleaning up the glass her own body broke when she was thrown into it by a demon. Nedley says he wants to talk about how Purgatory really works so she settles in for story time. He tells her that the thing with Purgatory is that everyone in the town is just pretending that demons aren’t running amuck. They want the small-town life, and will deny the existence of “mermaid poltergeist” (THOUGH I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THAT STORY). He then tells her that he wants her to be the Sheriff when he retires. But first he wants her to know: Black Badge might seem great, but someone needs to be there for the people when they have issues that don’t involve the supernatural. She says that it all sounds well and good but she does want to work with Black Badge when necessary and also there seriously needs to be more than two non-BBD cops in the whole town. He agrees, because he thinks Black Badge could use a little Haught insight now and then, and reminds her that being a good cop is important. To which she wholeheartedly agrees.

Oh and also? He’s been playing a long game on Tucker Gardner. He hands her a file and I can’t wait to see her ruin that spoiled rich boy’s life.

Speak of the devil, Tucker is in his mansion whining about Waverly and Nicole and about how they’ve both attacked him now and wahhh. Mercedes is inspired by Wynonna and has had enough – for one, Waverly is lucky she can pick up her shotgun, she’s so tiny, let alone Tucker – and stands up to her siblings, cutting Tucker off and sending him and Beth away.

Mercedes is very proud of herself and pours herself a glass of wine and is ready to make the most of this life she’s found herself in when suddenly time starts to move a little funny and her breath comes out cold and two shadows lurk behind her. One of them puts a fancy nail in her mouth and there’s a scream and a snap and, my friends, things are not looking good for our gal.

Back at Shorty’s, Waverly is translating a spell to get the demon corporeal again so they can get some blood from it when Wynonna tells her that Nicole was very brave. She asks Waverly if the two of them are okay and Waverly insists that they are in a sickeningly sweet way.

Wynonna reminds Waverly that she’s the very best of all of us and not to let anyone forget it. Waverly says she’ll go over there right now and remind Nicole of that very fact but first may she have her lipstick back? Wynonna reminds her that she gave it right back after she used it and Waverly doesn’t remember this but I mean I left my room three times today before remembering why I got up in the first place so surely everything is fine. Wynonna notices Waverly start to zone out looking at the trophy and makes her confirm she’s okay one more time before taking the trophy away.

As soon as she’s gone, Waverly’s eyes get mischievous again and she pockets a shiny silver cocktail shaker.

And I know I just joked about having a bad memory being #relatable (and it is) but I would also like to discuss this very important revelation. Waverly is still our Waverly, at least most of the time. When she goes Dark, she loses time. So Waverly has no memory of scaring a Piranha Plant demon or eating a spider or choking out Tucker. But it also seems like the transitions are not very cut-and-dry, because we never see her look like she’s aware she lost time – it’s not like blacking out then coming to. But what’s most important about this revelation is that this possession or curse or whathaveyou that is making Waverly crave non-food items and collect shiny objects is not controlling our Waverly all the time and only showing its dark-eyed soul once in a while. It’s not a body snatcher who goes in and out of a convincing Waverly impression, or a shape-shifter who can’t control its lust for silver. Which is important mostly because that means when Waverly is being our sweet, silly, smart, Brave Little Toaster of a Waverly, she’s the same as she’s ever been. She’s not completely lost to us. (And she did completely consent to sex with Nicole, which was a concern I saw some people have, and if it HAD been a total possession, could definitely have become An Issue Nicole and Waverly had to deal with later, and frankly still might be, but this to me is confirmation that Waverly was Waverly with her cute little smile and her gentleness consenting to sex with Nicole. That kiss in the school on the other hand…that might cause Waverly some confusion if Nicole brings it up again.)

While this was going on upstairs, Rosita and Doc were playing mad scientist downstairs.

When Wynonna goes down, she passes Rosita on the stairs, and once again goes after her to Doc. but now that Wynonna knows what they’re up to, he tells her who she really is, and that she has an advanced degree in biochemistry. Everything clicks into place for Wynonna and she realizes she was being petty af and chides herself on being a “superficial ass.”

The thing is, Dolls made Doc promise not to tell Wynonna because it’s dangerous and she could have gotten hurt, whereas Doc is a tad more expendable to Dolls. And now it’s my turn to chide MYself for being a superficial ass, because I thought Doc pulled a Blacksmith and was keeping information from Wynonna for selfish reasons. Sorry, Doc.

Doc tells Wynonna that they’re late dropping the drugs to Dolls and he’s not going to be okay for much longer. Wynonna doesn’t understand why he doesn’t just come back to Purgatory so they can help him, but Doc insists that coming back would be supremely stupid of Dolls.

Hey, guess what Dolls did? He came back. He’s dragging himself along the barn floor when he sees Waverly and calls out to her. But Waverly isn’t here right now, it’s Gooverly time, and she’s twirling and singing and looking lovingly at the newest addition to her shiny silver collection like that part in The Little Mermaid when Ursula is in human form and going by Vanessa.

And when she skips past him and he calls to her again, confused, she turns around, and gives him her best Dark Waverly eyes.

And do you know what the big, tough, stoic, military-trained, LIZARD MAN does when he sees her? He SQUEALS AND BACKS AWAY. And when the scariest thing in the room is scared, you know that’s not a good sign.

And y’all I actually cannot handle not knowing what’s going on with my Waverly. I’ve started falling down rabbit holes of maybes and what-ifs that make me sound like a conspiracy theorist. For example: Waverly, who was flitting about and singing, is attracted to shiny objects, not unlike a magpie (an incredibly intelligent creature capable of complex emotion and even imitating human voices). Also there’s a poem about Magpies that goes, “One for sorrow. Two for mirth. Three for a funeral. Four for birth. Five for heaven. Six for hell. And seven is the devil, his own self” which was featured in Lost Girl aka another show Emily Andras worked on you may or may not have heard of. And magpies are of the genus Pica. Pica is also a disorder that makes you eat non-food things like demon spiders and lipstick.

COINCIDENCE? Yes, fine, probably. But let’s not take “possessed by a magpie demon” off the table.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 202 Recap: Fury Road Is Paved with Goo

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Willa let a whole slew of new evils into Purgatory before Wynonna killed her, Waverly touched the goo and became Dark Waverly aka Gooverly, the fam (sans Nicole Haught) took a Black Badge Blood Oath, and WayHaught started to cool down a bit because of it.

We open on Doc and Wynonna in a shower, but not the fun kind of shower, a decontamination shower. This is the kind of thing that happens when your start-up is bought out; suddenly where you used to be given powdered donuts for your troubles, you’re given contamination showers and paperwork. And listen, Lucado doesn’t exactly love this situation either, but it’s where they’re at, and it means Wynonna has to start handing over demon bodies, STAT.

Luckily for Wynonna, plenty of evil is afoot, including but not limited to whatever Jurassic Parked a man named Jesus in a porta-potty at a Purgatory construction site. The man who finds him — or rather, doesn’t find him, and instead finds a spiderweb and goo residue — goes to talk to Officer Haught about it, but there’s nothing she can do except keep an ear out right now. Waverly comes to see her girl in action, but Nicole is still feeling salty about the whole not-getting-to-sign-the-blood-oath thing so she’s not exactly in a “let’s make out in Nedley’s office” kind of mood today.

Waverly apologizes and tries to explain that she truly doesn’t feel like it’s a privilege to be part of Black Badge Corporate but Nicole isn’t ready to make nice. She hands Waverly the Jesus file because it was suspicious and walks away. Waverly follows suit, but not before stealing the bell off the little service counter. And I’m just going to go ahead and tell you right now that this doesn’t come up again in this episode, but nothing in this show is an accident, so surely it’ll be important later.

In the Black Badge Lite office, Doc is playing with his cell phone, Wynonna is doodling, and Waverly is trying to figure out how to be the teacher’s pet while Lucado is lecturing them on one boring thing or another. Oh and Jeremy’s here! So far he’s pretty useless because he figured out how to trace the demons but they’re too elusive to actually track. But still, I’m glad he’s here.

Lucado insults everyone in turn, including telling Waverly she’s only good for fetching coffee, which both her AND Wynonna take offense to.

Lucado also doesn’t really understand Doc’s value add. Basically she’s pretty sure all she needs is Wynonna to churn out some demon slayage all by herself, badabing badaboom.

But the thing is, it’s not that simple. And it doesn’t matter if Lucado doesn’t get why Doc and Waverly are there, Wynonna does. Though, Doc is acting a little shifty today and disappears to deal with something confoundingly separate from Black Badge. Instead, it’s Waverly who swoops in with the save, handing her big sister the file Nicole gave her, and leading Wynonna to a construction site headed up by an old friend, Mercedes Gardner.

Mercedes is the first person we’ve met from Ye Olde Purgatory who doesn’t hate Wynonna’s guts; they share jokes about how they each slept with half the town and much to Wynonna’s surprise, they even hug, bonding over being the two least popular gals in Purgatory.

Through her conversation with Wynonna, we learn that Mercedes is buying real estate in Purgatory while it’s at an all-time low post Bobo-pocalypse, and that she was friends with Willa when they were younger. The thing is, though, she doesn’t know Willa didn’t die when they were kids, so she wonders aloud what Willa would be like now. A thing unfortunately Wynonna knows all too well.

Wynonna excuses herself from the conversation to chase after a construction worker, who ends up being a Revenant called Earl. While she’s chatting with him about who is affected by this curse more, the Earp girls or the Revenants, Wynonna gets hit by an icy blast and a wave of a familiar perfume; the memory of shooting Willa floods her brain, and she sees a shadowy woman dressed in black lace. While she blinks away the traumatic memory, Earl gets away, and the woman is also nowhere to be seen.

Wynonna takes off after Earl, but instead finds a webby pod that she presumes contains what’s left of Jesus.

Back at the police station, Wynonna starts to dissect the pod, but as soon as she pierces the pod and touches the goo, Wynonna’s breath goes icy cold again, she smells the same old perfume, and we see the same lady-shadow lurking. But when Wynonna whips around to see it for herself, she instead finds herself face to face with Waverly.

Unlike Wynonna, Waverly is just DELIGHTED to be scalpel-deep in a mysterious pod. The sisters talk about Dolls and missing him until Wynonna becomes uncomfortable with the amount of feelings on the table and turns her snark back on. She slaps Waverly’s butt and asks if her newfound Dolls-is-probably-fine optimism had anything to do with her — AND I QUOTE — “banging a hot redhead.”

Waverly gives her sister a half-smile tinged with enough sadness that Wynonna knows they’re still in North Pole territory. Waverly admits she doesn’t fully understand; she lied to Black Badge about Nicole to protect her. “I would die if anything happened to her.” Which frankly I think she proved last season when she had Wynonna give up Peacemaker to save Nicole. But before any more discussion can be had, the pod Waverly is dissecting starts to split and a GIANT SPIDER POPS OUT.

In an amazing feat of adorability, Wynonna and Waverly manage to look super cute while they scramble around trying to and eventually shooting the giant spider that is revealed to be full of goo. Wynonna decides she’d prefer a shower in her own home to another turnip-scented contamination shower. Also she is inspired by their ability to handle this monstrosity on their own, so she calls an emergency meeting of the midnight society. She then says what I believe is now being adopted as the Earper motto: “This might be a shit show but it’s our shit show.”

Oh and actually I wanted to make the Are You Afraid of the Dark joke but Wynonna actually calls it an emergency symposium and I thought that was pretty great, too.

Wynonna asks Waverly to call Doc, since he hasn’t returned her voicemails (she’s correctly assuming he doesn’t know how it works) and thinks he’s more likely to answer his phone if Waverly calls.

But Doc spends this episode in a somewhat shady endeavor with a woman named Rosita, who originally is reluctant to get into whatever illegal dealings he’s knee deep in, but eventually concedes with the promise of protection.

At the homestead, Wynonna comes downstairs after a shower of her own making and is alarmed to find Jeremy sitting in her kitchen with the GooSpider in a jar VERY CLOSE TO HER SNACKS.

But Waverly invited him so Wynonna concedes to him being there and grants his very enthusiastic request to await Doc Holliday’s arrival at the end of the drive.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Waverly is reading excerpts from a young Willa’s diary to Nicole. Because the thing is, even if they’re in somewhat rocky territory right now, Nicole and Waverly are still each other’s person; so if Waverly needs someone for something Wynonna can’t help with, she’s’ going to call Nicole. And if Waverly needs her, no matter how hurt her feelings are, Nicole is going to come.

In Willa’s diary, she writes that her parents brought home a baby and she is QUITE displeased. Willa’s diary claims Mama Earp told Papa Earp they had to “do what is right” but Willa had already decided she is not about to welcome this precious baby angel into the family.

Waverly tells Nicole that Bobo also mentioned something about her not being a real Earp, but Nicole is immediately just FURIOUS that Bobo got into her girl’s head like this. She reassures Waverly that she’s the “Earpiest” because you know what, Earp is about badassery not about blood, and it’s just what Waverly needed to hear, so she kisses her.

Nicole pulls away and a dejected Waverly assumes it’s because Nicole and her are still in a fight, but actually it’s because Nicole’s Officer Haught skills kicked in and she detected Wynonna clomping up the stairs. Nicole excuses herself, and Waverly feels a little dejected, realizing probably they’re still in a bit of a fight.

Wynonna feels a little awkward about interrupting, but then sees Willa perfume bottle and tells Waverly about how she thinks the ghost of Willa dressed up in period garb and started haunting her. Waverly says maybe Willa can’t move on (or they can’t) because the bedroom is still a shrine to their twice-dead sister.

So Waverly’s suggestion? KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Jeremy is downstairs flirting with Doc when the girls run downstairs with stuffed animals and whiskey and start dancing around a funeral pyre of sorts. Feeling warm and boozy. Wynonna is drunk enough to want to Real Talk with Doc, and because apparently Melanie Scrofano is on a mission to break my heart six times a week, they start by talking about missing Dolls (“I didn’t know when we rescued Dolls we wouldn’t get to keep him”) and then tries to kiss him and when he turns her down she yells at him, asking how he can turn his feelings on and off, how he can keep disappearing to do God knows what with Bobo knows who. She calls him a bunch of names, he reminds her that he’s still her friend, and he storms out, leaving a sad-faced Wynonna behind.

When Wynonna gets back to the fire with Waverly, Jeremy runs out and says he found out that the spider came from an egg and was just a baby and very likely wasn’t born an only child. Creepy crawlies usually come grosser by the dozen.

Meanwhile at the constructions site, Mercedes, fresh off her own chilly encounter with the lacy woman in black, now finds herself cornered by spidey’s whole fam damily. She’s a smart cookie, though, so the first thing she does is call Wynonna.

Wynonna and Waverly save Mercedes, Waverly taking her to clean up and Wynonna going after Stupid Earl, who is a Revenant Right’s Activist and whines about how cursed he is to the girl who has killed two of her family members because of these asshats. Wynonna is explaining how there might be a way for them both to get out of this thing alive and uncursed when Earl’s eyes go demony and he starts talking about a thing he wants to protect in the nooks and crannies of the old school the site is on and even though it’s creepy af, Wynonna decides to follow him.

They get to an old chapel and Earl is a beat away from licking the door when he lunges to attack; Wynonna easily knocks him out and Waverly appears to help out.

Okay let’s check in on Doc, shall we? Did I mention Nedley sold him Shorty’s? Because he did. Nedley wants to keep the bar running so he can keep an eye on folks, and says as long as Doc can pay the taxes and upkeep, it’s his. Not exactly having built a nest egg in the well he was trapped in for decades, Doc has to be a little creative in how he gets the money. So he steals proof that Lucado ordered a hit on Dolls and uses it as blackmail to get her to pay for the bar. She’s a little surprised that’s the favor he leveraged; Doc says Dolls has already killed the assassins she sent after him and the Earp girls don’t need his protection, so Shorty’s it is. (It’s also possible he said he didn’t ask about the Earp girls because he’s trying to make it seem like he doesn’t care about them so Lucado doesn’t hurt them to get to him? It’s unclear, honestly.)

Anyway, this is his value add.

At the construction site, Waverly asks if they should call for backup, but there’s no one left to back them up. It’s just Wynonna and Waverly, dynamic duo. So they open the door to the chapel and go to town on the glowy gooey eggs inside. When they’re done, they slow-mo walk down the hallway, head-to-toe covered in goo, swinging their weapons, a song about swagger playing in the background.

Mercedes is still a bit shook but isn’t going anywhere anytime soon because she already sold her house so she’ll be hanging out with the Earps for a bit. She tells them about how she’s in town fixing the things her siblings broke, and she says, “It always comes down to the big sister,” but Wynonna disagrees.

After the three ladies leave, the woman in black appears again, this time with a friend. One of them pulls back her veil to reveal an old-timey hairdo and one of those little portrait brooches at the collar oh and also SHE HAS NO FACE. She’s a dementor, basically, and she’s SCREAMING. It’s very unsettling. I was going to include a photo but I don’t want to look at it again so here’s look at Dani Kind instead.

Back at the police department, after her contamination shower, Wynonna is giving Lucado the lowdown, but she’s mostly ignoring her. Wynonna wonders aloud why she didn’t have any follow-up questions, but don’t worry, Jeremy has one. He asks Wynonna if smashing the eggs made her wet, simply oblivious to the innuendo, and Waverly slides right into frame to see what her sister will make of this one. It’s the most perfect moment. Between her just appearing in the doorway and the look on her face — both right before, “Oh man this is gonna be good,” and right after, hella amused — was just A+ background acting.

Once they get the dirty jokes out of the way, Jeremy explains that the kind of eggs they smashed are usually submerged in water, and suddenly all the clues fall into place for Wynonna; it wasn’t just a coincidence that there were three different oogie boogies in and around the chapel. So they make a run for it but they’re too late; Stupid Earl has opened the Hellmouth.

Wynonna is pissed enough to make some Mad Max references; so much of her life is in shambles right now, but at least she’s still the goddamn Earp heir.

Back at the Homestead, Nicole comes to see Waverly, who wants to know if Nicole is still mad. Nicole says girlfriends fight, though they both adorably agree it’s the worst. And Nicole isn’t here to fight, she’s here to give Waverly some applications for official documents that might help her figure out her origin story. Nicole knows this means a lot to Waverly, and says that — fight or no fight — she’ll always be there for Waverly, as long as she wants her. Then all of a sudden the music gets sexy, and so does Waverly.

It’s not A-frame kissing with parkas on, it’s not blurry kisses near some candles in the woods. Nope. It’s a bright room and a clear lens, an unbuttoned shirt and a belt undone. At this point Nicole stops Waverly — with effort, like dragging your feet in the sand to stop a swing — and asks if she’s sure.

Waverly says yes right away. She smiles and giggles a little nervously. “The best sex is makeup sex, right?” (Making Nicole go full Paige McCullers head dip.) And listen I know this is silly but hearing adults say the word sex when they’re talking about the sex they’re about to sex is very refreshing! And of course, consent is sexy. So they exchange, “I like yous” and Nicole lifts Waverly’s chin right up.

And they kiss and they kiss and then the tol redhead picks up her smol girlfriend and places her gently down on the bed in a beautiful sweeping motion that looked like something out of a ballet.

And then either I had a braingasm or the scene fades to white, it’s anyone’s guess.

In order to not interrupt her sister AGAIN, Wynonna goes to Shorty’s and shares a drink with Doc. She asks if they’re okay, and for a second it seem like they might be, but then Doc starts yelling at her about never letting her guard down around Lucado and then makes an excuse about having to do inventory and sends her away.

The reason he was being so shifty is that Rosita was here to check out the basement setup. She says they need better bourbon, a generator, and better ventilation, and uses words like “reverse engineer” and “synthesize” so whatever they’re up to, it’s not your run-of-the-mill mobile meth lab.

Wynonna takes herself home and finds Waverly in the kitchen, reading Willa’s diary again. Wynonna had saved one of WIlla’s teddy bears from the fire, but Waverly is feeling less nostalgic. She doesn’t miss whoever came back in Willa’s body.

But Wynonna says no matter what happened, Willa will always be their sister, because “Once an Earp, always an Earp,” not knowing about the identity crisis Waverly is having. Wynonna invites Waverly to sit on the porch with her but Waverly still has Nicole in her bed. Then Wynonna, while telling her sister to get back to business, does this thing with the teddy bear that implies she’s not quite sure how two women have sex with each other.

Waverly tells her sister to take a break, and sends her off to the porch. Waverly opens the freezer to get a snack (an eskimo pie, probably), but she sees the picture of her, Wynonna and Willa from when they were little and her eyes go black. Dark Waverly decides she doesn’t want an eskimo pie, but instead decides to snack on THE FUCKING SPIDER.

I let out a pained, “Nooo” every time I watched the ep. Waverly, we’ve been over this “don’t touch the goo” thing a million times, “don’t EAT the goo” should have been implied!!!

Okay tell me all your theories. Who are the women in black? What came out of the Hellmouth? Is Dark Waverly actually just Demon Willa trying to take over Waverly’s body? Talk to me.

“Wynonna Earp” Episode 201 Recap: The Babes are Back in Town

Hello and welcome back to Purgatory! For those of you who don’t know me, hello, I’m Valerie Anne, and Wynonna Earp is one of my favorite shows since Buffy. In fact, I’d even call it a sort of modern-day Buffy, with the badass ladies and quips for days. Summer shows are tough because it always feels like forever between seasons but the Earp girls and their crew have finally returned to us, so let’s not waste another minute not talking about them.

As just a quick refresher, when we last left Purgatory, here are a few things that happened that will be important: Wynonna had just killed Willa, Peacemaker glowing blue with the power of her sadness, because she plotted with Bobo to essentially open the hellmouth and let the Revenants out and some oogie boogies in. Dolls wolfed out into whatever brand of monster he is and after he calmed down and became our Dolls again, the Black Badge powers that be took him away. Willa shot Nicole Haught but she watched enough TV to know that queer women should always be wearing a bulletproof vest. Waverly touched some mysterious goo that made her eyes go black. And the finale ended with Waverly asking Wynonna if she was ready, then lifting her gun. The screen went black, and a gunshot rang out, and we were left to theorize for ALMOST A FULL YEAR.

We open mere minutes after the finale, with Waverly and Doc running through the forest, being chased by something rather awful-looking. Doc accuses her of pissing it off, and we discover the truth of what happened during that fade-to-black: Waverly saw this creature coming and shot it over Doc’s shoulder. And y’all this thing is gross. It’s all teeth and has no eyes like its head is one of those Piranha Plants from Super Mario and it eats Doc’s hat and it’s chasing our friends and just a whole lot of NOPE.

But then in comes big sister to save the day. She kills the demon dead (good to know Peacemaker isn’t only for Revenants) and tells it that she’s Wynonna. Wynonna Earp.

She twirls her gun (successfully! Because our girl is all growed up!) and slow-mo walks out of there, her smart-as-a-whip sister and a legend by her side. And they’re gonna go save Agent Xavier Dolls.

Speak of the devil, Dolls is being sent off to a place called Black Rock Prison, but after being hissed at and tazed by one Agent Lucado, who just hates Dolls a whole bunch, and not in the cute fun way Wynonna pretends to hate him.

Back at the Purgatory Police Department, Nedley is helping the people of the town wrap their heads around what happened. Instead of explaining that an impossibly old undead demon opened a portal to a hell dimension, he tells everyone that Bobo poisoned the town as a jilted lover’s revenge on one Wynonna Earp. He figures they already hate her anyway, and she doesn’t mind all that much. But Nedley quietly thanks her; even though the town isn’t ready to accept it, he knows she’s their hero.

Wynonna smells something funny, literally, and follows her nose to the old Black Badge Division office to see a team getting rid of “a dead possum” but also all of Dolls (and Waverly’s) research and files. Everything has been cleared out (except Dolls’ mug, which Nedley is drinking from) but they both know Dolls wouldn’t keep the most important stuff just lying around.

Nedley asks where Dolls sleeps and Wynonna realizes she has no idea. She decides to check the local motel and does the Scooby Doo Scoot from room to room until she finds some of his stuff…along with someone else’s stuff. Lady stuff.

Wynonna hears someone in the bathroom and calls out in her Wynonna way and is launched upon by a half-naked woman with fighting skills to boot. They roll around and tussle and end up on the bed, gun to gun.

And it’s Tamsin! Back from Valhalla and renamed Eliza but just as sassy and beautiful; she matches Wynonna wit-for-wit, and remains frustratingly unimpressed when she drops her “I’m Wynonna Earp” line, and you just know this episode is going to be a trip.

Home, home on the homestead, Waverly is putting cream on Nicole’s bruised ribs, and Nicole is joking about an awful lot of patching up going on in their relationship.

Waverly flirts and pounces, kissing Nicole like a succubus and letting her hands wander.

But her hands wander too far and Nicole flinches back in pain. Nicole takes this break to mention to Waverly that she tastes different. (Yes, I said “tastes.”) And not in the “girl, brush your teeth,” way but in a way that makes Nicole look very concerned. I mean, adorable, but concerned.

Doc walks in and does that awkward dad thing like “I’m not here, just ignore me!” and it’s very cute and sweet. Waverly rolls her eyes but Nicole thanks him for his respectfulness. She leaves to feed her cat and he tips his invisible hat at her, then tells Waverly he approves of her choice in girlfriends.

Waverly rather agrees and says she’s the luckiest little gal in the west. (Except she didn’t phrase it like that because she’s not as weird as I am.) Waverly then expresses her concern for Wynonna, because she hasn’t stood still long enough for anything – like, for example, killing her long-lost big sister – catch up to her. Doc also wants to know how Waverly feels but Waverly just feels strong. I saw that as a warning sign, but Doc sure did not.

Back at the motel, Wynonna and Eliza are putting themselves together after their fight and I’m just saying that if you hadn’t seen the scene before, it might have seemed like totally different aftermath. But anyway, Eliza has the important files Dolls didn’t keep in the police department, clearance to get into Black Badge HQ, and a go-get-’em attitude, so she’s joining the team. They shake on it, and are off into unknown dangers.

Wynonna takes Eliza back to meet the crew and I want to take a moment to talk about this scene. It’s not too often you have so many core characters all in one small room and having a conversation with only each other. But here we have Wynonna, Waverly, Nicole, and Doc, plus an added Eliza for some extra seasoning. And I thought this scene was a moment of subtle genius; this many people having a full-scene conversation usually leans one of two ways: long and boring, or too chaotic. But this scene was the right balance of planning, flirting, and snarking, and the timing of all the lines felt just right. It was a Buffy-and-the-Scoobies-in-the-Sunnydale-library kind of moment, and I just thought it was one of those low-key, quietly genius that really highlights the brilliance of the writers and the actors.

ANYWAY Doc waggles his eyebrows at Eliza and introduces himself while Wynonna introduces her to her sister, her sister’s…she lets Waverly finish that sentence, and she finishes it with “Girlfriend,” much to Nicole’s delight.

The scene lasts for like 60 more seconds but like 100 things happen. Eliza explains why they can’t just stroll onto the Black Badge site, Waverly teases Wynonna for doing math when she says there are 62 Revenants left, Wynonna mentions Bobo to point out that the baddies don’t have a leader anymore, Waverly repeats Bobo’s name wistfully and remembers her conversation with him where he said she’s not a real Earp, Nicole reminds everyone that Dolls deputized her as an Agent before he left, and Wynonna gets overwhelmed and twitchy to the point where Waverly has to pull her aside to make sure she’s okay.

Phew. That was a lot. Waverly tries to get Wynonna to talk about Willa but she just says she needs Waverly to stay safe and be okay. But Waverly isn’t not helping, so too bad. She pulls her into a sister hug to remind Wynonna she doesn’t have to carry all of this alone.

Wynonna, Eliza, and Doc go to Purgatory PD to look in Dolls’ safe to get his meds (of which there are none left, though Doc still has some) which leads to them having to explain to Wynonna that Dolls isn’t exactly human. Wynonna doesn’t care though, she still has a plan to rescue him, and it involves possums. Well one possum, to be precise. A dead one.

They dress up in some hazmat suits and drive right into Black Badge, using the smell of the dead possum to get in quickly and without too many questions.

Eliza drops in (literally, from the vent, like a beautiful badass angel) and Doc tries to flirt with her again but Wynonna knocks him down a peg by reminding him he doesn’t have his trademark hat.

Back at the homestead, Nicole and Waverly are looking at the weapons Doll stashed there and Nicole asks if Waverly is going to be okay working side by side. Waverly makes a joke about her pretty french braid and somehow managing to work with her beautiful smart amazing girlfriend, but what she misses is Nicole saying she was thinking of cutting her hair.

Nicole asks which guns they should bring but Waverly is busy cheating on her with an axe to pay much attention.

Her eyes go black and she raises the axe up and swings it down but DON’T WORRY she didn’t hurt a hair on our favorite officer’s head, she just lopped off the Piranha Plant Demon’s head.

Nicole would prefer to know about plans, including axe-swinging plans, please and thank you, but Waverly just asks her to trust her; she can’t tell her more than Wynonna will let her. Waverly is just protecting Wynonna, but Nicole just wants to make sure Waverly is okay, too.

One moment that I think is really interesting is that Nicole asks if she’s still “my Waverly.” She can sense something’s off and she can tell Waverly isn’t really being herself, but she hasn’t seen her eyes go Dark Willow yet so she can’t quite put her finger on it. Anyway, Waverly assures her girlfriend that she’s still the same old Waverly…but that she has to be someone else for a hot second.

Eliza leads Wynonna and Doc into the Black Badge but the clearance card she’s been waving around doesn’t work, and in fact locks them in the stairwell. Wynonna goes to punch Eliza because she thinks it’s a setup but Eliza catches her fist with whip-quick reflexes and says she’s just as surprised by this as the rest of them. Luckily, Wynonna has a Plan B.

Plan B is Waverly pretending to be Scotland Yard aka it’s Dominique Provost-Chalkley playing Waverly speaking in Dominique’s accent. It’s a wonder to behold. She charms her way past a security guard with a flash of a smile, a kick of a heel, and a Piranha Plant monster’s head in her bag.

He points her in the direction of the lab, and while she heads there, Haught speaks into her earpiece from her lookout point in the car, teasing her about her accent and that she’ll be ready with the getaway car.

Over at the Black Badge holding cell, we find out just why Lucado hates Dolls so much: He saved Eliza over her husband once. Dolls says her husband insisted on that exact situation, but Lucado doesn’t have time to change her revenge plans right now.

Waverly gets to the lab and sees cells of all kinds of creepy-ass things, including but not limited to another Piranha Plant demon. Wynonna calls her and says it’s time for Plan C and explains their current predicament.

The predicament of course being trapped in the stairwell with a man she was sort of seeing and a girl who might have been dating a man she kind of kissed. But Eliza finally lets her off that second hook and admits she was just teasing Wynonna and isn’t WITH Dolls like that after all.

She does share something with Dolls though, and it’s that she’s whatever glowy-eyed thing he is.

Black Badge made them like this, and even she isn’t sure exactly what that means. And she’s afraid by now Dolls might have lost all control of his inner beast. Wynonna is ready for that possibility, and tries to joke about wanting to go 24 hours without shooting someone she…you know. But her heart’s not in it; the wounds are too fresh.

In the lab, Waverly is charming a lab technician, putting on the full British Charm, and manages to sweet-talk him into telling her how to open all of the security doors at once. Once she has this information, she tries to knock the lab tech out, but it doesn’t work. (Which I love by the way; who knows how hard to hit someone to knock them out?? Not me! Not Waverly.) Instead she just made him bleed, which makes the Piranha Plant monster lose its mind and crash through the glass of his pen.

The lab tech, who we find out later is named Jeremy and so I’m just going to call him that now, explains that the monster is a soul eater and that they should definitely run. Hiding behind a door, Waverly breaks her ruse and asks Jeremy if she’ll help them.

So Jeremy does help them and opens all the doors, but Doc closes it again before the girls can get out of the stairwell. He’s going to be the one to shoot Wynonna’s Spunky this time. (Gods, I hope you guys remember that speech from Season 1 otherwise that’s a real weird sentence.) Instead, he tells her to save the sister she has left.

So Wynonna and Eliza fight their way to the lab, quite the beautiful badass duo.

Doc finds Dolls and Lucado immediately insults his mustache because apparently it’s Pick on Doc Day. But he gets the last laugh, since he’s strapped with dynamite. She hesitates long enough for Dolls to reach out and strangle her until she passes out, and Doc lets him out.

Meanwhile in the lab, our Brave Little Toaster decides she can’t just hide behind the door anymore and makes a run for it, Jeremy hot on her heels. When they realize they can’t get past the demon, Jeremy tries to sacrifice himself, but Waverly isn’t a damsel in distress. Her eyes go black and she steps forward, and the demon miraculously backs off.

WHICH MAKES ME VERY NERVOUS. IS OUR BABY GIRL LOSING HER SOUL??? SEND HELP!

Anyway, Wynonna runs in just in time, shouts one of my all-time favorite phrases (“Not today, Satan!”) and shoots the demon dead.

Doc and Dolls are escaping but they have to split up so Dolls asks Doc to pass on a message because apparently he missed that one part in Season 1 where the Blacksmith showed us that Doc is really, really bad at passing on important messages.

So Dolls runs while Doc staves off some Black Badge baddies. (After yet again hilariously trying to tip his lack of hat at them.)

Things come to a head when the team finds themselves together again facing off with Lucado and her goons. She tries to end things by holding up a gun, causing Wynonna to immediately jump in front of Waverly; she can’t lose her. She just can’t.

But then Art Bell from Orphan Black strolls in and tells them how this is going to go. Wynonna and her team are going to sign a contract with Black Badge and they’re going to help them fight Revenants and anything else that goes bump in the night; the words he’s saying make it sound like they’re on the same side of this – saying they’ll help her track down the Revenants to help the Earps break their family curse, etc – but something about his tone is shady to say the least.

And then he makes it clear that this arrangement isn’t exactly optional (and sort of appeases Lucado’s demand for justice for Dolls escaping) by shooting Eliza dead right on the spot after she tries to tell the gang not to sign anything Black Badge has to offer.

RIP Eliza, we hardly knew ye.

He reminds them that Wynonna is the only one here who isn’t expendable, and makes Wynonna, Waverly, Doc, and Jeremy put bloody fingerprints on an old piece of papyrus to seal the deal.

Before he sends them off, Definitely Not Art Bell asks if anyone else knows about this curse/Black Badge stuff, and Waverly jumps in to say no (and swears on her not-dead-mother’s non-existent grave) and Wynonna quickly supports this story.

But Agent Nicole Haught overhears this from the car. Sure her friends and girlfriend are safe, and a little bummed to be left out, she drives the getaway car outta there.

When they get home, Wynonna invites Doc in for a shower, but he knows the offer comes from a broken place and that it’s better for both of them if they spend the night apart.

Nicole apologizes to Waverly for leaving, but Waverly was glad she did; that was what she was hoping would happen.

Nicole explains that she’s a little bummed she’s not part of this new Black Badge crew, but Waverly is genuinely surprised to hear this; she thought she was saving her from being tangled up in this. Nicole says a sad goodbye, and Waverly goes to kiss her girlfriend, but Nicole gives Waverly The Cheek™.

It’s so awkward and heartbreaking and they just need to PROCESS ALL THEIR FEELINGS.

Speaking of heartbreaking, finally having a second to stop and think and breathe, Wynonna heads to Willa’s room, climbs into bed, and sobs into a stuffed bunny. The events of the past 24 hours washes over her and the reality of it all hits her. She once tried to save her big sister but killed her father in the process. She thought that sister was dead, but got her back again. But then to save her big sister she had to kill her in the process. Her mentor and partner is gone, her little sister – her only sister – is tangled up in this with her, the whole town hates her more than ever. She’s strong, and she’ll stay strong, and she’ll be strong, but sometimes strength is knowing when to let yourself mourn. So she cries.

A light flickers in the room, a reflection from something outside, so she follows it to the edge of the Earp property. A hauntingly beautiful Ruelle song plays, Wynonna finds out the reflection was coming from her long lost key necklace, and looks up to see Dolls standing there. He smiles a rare, bright smile, a tear falls from his cheek. They exchange no words, but still say so much to each other. They smile-cry their goodbyes, and just like that, Dolls is gone.

Wynonna finds Waverly back on the porch with hot drinks for both of them. Wynonna says her job now is to keep Waverly safe. That’s all that matters now.

So it’s time to go break a curse. But maybe it’s herself Wynonna needs to protect, because as Waverly follows her big sister back into the fray, her eyes go black once more.

It makes me nervous because I can’t tell if she’s starting to learn to control it, or if it’s controlling her. Is she possessed, or does she have a new power? Are Waverly and a Demon fighting for custody of her body, or is something evil infecting her very being? I need answers and I need them ASAP because I am VERY worried about our girl.

The tag at the end of the episode shows a Black Badge storage room, where a creepy-ass hand with creepy-ass jewelry reaches out of a box and scratches some dynamite. The box goes boom, and sometimes tells me it didn’t kill whatever was inside.

Okay, sound off! What did you think of the first episode of the new season? Worth the wait? (I say yes.) Tell me everything you loved, all your hopes and dreams and fears. We have a whole week to process this episode together.

Oh, but while you wait, because Wynonna Earp cares about its fans, there are plenty of other goodies to enjoy in the meantime. Including but not limited to, Purgatory PD’s functional website: http://www.purgatorysd.com/

Right now there’s a case of a home invasion on there (where I think you’ll find a familiar voice…) and a video chat between Nicole and Waverly. So check it out and let’s talk about that, too.