Boobs on Your Tube: Vampire Academy’s Gay Vamps Are a Tasty Halloween Treat

Friends, hello and welcome back to another queer TV round-up. You’ve probably noticed that we are the only publication on earth that tries very hard to cover every single TV show with LGBTQ+ women and nonbinary people — and you also probably realize what a rare and very cool thing that is. If you like what we do here, it’s an awesome time to donate to our help us stay thriving and swooning over stories with you. We’re on day two of our 2022 fundraiser and already HALFWAY to our goal.

This week, Darcy ranked Buffy scenes by absurdity. Riese brought you Generation Q’s season three premiere photos. Kayla wrote the heck out of horror history in her coverage of Queer for Fear. Heather cackled and screeched about Monarch. And Drew reviewed Please Baby Please.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ Reminder: The NWSL will crown its new champion tomorrow, in primetime (!), on CBS (!!), as the Portland Thorns face the Kansas City Current at Audi Field in Washington, D.C. — Natalie

+ Starting Monday, queer badasses Amy Schneider and Mattea Roach return for the Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions! — Natalie

+ Nate’s got a boyfriend on All American: Homecoming! She tried to keep it a secret because the last time she and Nico dated, hearts were broken and tears were shed. Suffice to say, the reunion does not go over well with his BFF, Keisha, or with the crew that Nico’s alienated in his role as SGA president. — Natalie

+ Another Helms sighting on this week’s Grey’s Anatomy! Stop toturing us! Bring our girl back home. — Carmen 

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Vampire Academy 110: “Ascension”

Written by Valerie Anne

The season finale of Vampire Academy was action-packed to say the least. The Strigoi attack is in full swing and only the Royals are able to get out like it’s some kind of fucked up vampire Titanic. Even Mia, who is Moroi but not Royal (at least, not today), can’t get on a van. And of course, once they’re safe, they don’t plan on coming back for more vamps until sunlight, so it’s every vamp for themselves.

Rose was well on her way out of town before all this chaos, but as soon as she senses Lissa in danger, she’s back in a heartbeat.

Meredith knows about some tunnels she thinks they can use to take some down, and Rose will use her Strigoi senses to help them. Meredith is shady about why she knows about what we learn are Alchemist tunnels, but we never really get an answer there so we better get a Season 2.

Mia eventually finds Lissa and helps her get away from the rioting vamps, but Lissa can’t bring herself to leave when she has healing powers and there are so many injured people around. So they stay behind. Andrei escapes his captivity and finds his sister, who is thrilled to learn her brother is alive…only to see him get killed by Strigoi right in front of her. Though what she doesn’t see is that actually he was turned…

Eventually Meredith and Mia are reunited, and Mia cries into Meredith’s shoulder. They have to separate briefly to fight, but Mia uses her illegal battle magic to save Meredith. Later, when things die down, Meredith finds Mia in her room and at first they just cry and hold each other. Mia asks Meredith to stay, and Meredith kisses her as a response…but then gives her a quiet, “yeah,” for good measure. They’re safe for now, and more importantly, they’re together.

Meanwhile, Lissa and Rose quite literally drive off into the sunset together, but somehow they’re not the gay ones on this show. Sure, Jan.

I really liked the worldbuilding this show did this season and I hope this isn’t the last we see of these plucky vamps and their complicated politics.

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Survivor 4306: “Mergatory”

Written by Anya

My favorite moment in this episode happens early on — when Owen is listing out all the various idols, advantages, and disadvantages at play right now. You know who is the ONLY PERSON who has told no one about her idol? Yes, that’s right, Karla! The ability to keep this to herself speaks volumes for her game play (and we, ahem, saw this strategy work *quite well* for someone in the *very recent past*). 

As host Jeff Probst likes to remind us whenever he gets a chance, Survivor is full of twists and turns — the contestants have to compete to make the merge. Everyone draws rocks to determine teams, and Noelle draws the gray rock, meaning she must sit out and choose which team to align with — win or lose. Noelle chooses the blue team, which is, notably Karla’s team! Karla gives the challenge her all, so much so that she hits her hand hard enough that it’s bleeding everywhere — but she never gives up, and blue manages to PULL OFF THE WIN! Wow. This means the blue team is safe at tribal tonight, but everyone else is at risk of going home. At the merge feast, Karla enjoys some much-deserved food and beer. I’m starting to get a sense that one of Karla’s biggest assets is her ability to simply listen — it’s one thing to be emotionally intelligent (which she is) and it’s another thing to be able to absorb and retain information without letting on that you’re doing so. Everyone’s scrambling to make a vote after the feast, and the only person who seems grounded and calm throughout is Karla (of course). Elie, in particular, is trying to pull off way too many things at once, and unluckily for her, Gabler is dead set on voting her out. The votes are all over the place at Tribal, but Elie goes home. Somewhat confusingly, Karla cast her vote for Owen — I’m not quite sure what she was going for with that, to be honest! Maybe she knew there were enough votes for Elie and she wanted to be able to say he didn’t play a perfect game at the end? Hope we find out next week!

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9-1-1 606: “Tomorrow”

Written by Natalie

Early into 9-1-1‘s run, the show gave us Hen’s backstory: the story of how she went from a career in pharmaceuticals to the badass firefighter/paramedic that we all know and love. But this week, the show endeavors to take us a bit deeper into Hen’s world: with the beginning of Hen and Karen’s (#HenRen) love story.

Hen and Karen’s love didn’t come so effortlessly. Karen shows up for her blind date (in 2010) acting completely stand-offish and like she’d rather be anywhere else. Hen calls out her attitude and Karen is both taken aback and charmed. The two settle into an easy rapport. Hen has such a good time that she can’t even be too mad at her BFF, Howie, for ambushing her with an unexpected blind date with his neighbor. Howie makes no apologies, he needed to push Hen to get over her toxic ex, Eva.

But even if Hen’s over her ex when she meets Karen, she’s not immediately ready to jump into something serious…and Karen seems like the serious type. Karen insists that she could not be so serious this time and the pair fall into bed together. Of course, eventually, they do get serious until Eva re-emerges — with the offer to give Hen custody of her unborn son — and breaks them up. But when Hen gets injured at work, Karen rushes back and they reconcile.

Back in the present, Hen still hasn’t submitted her final resignation paperwork. Karen pushes her wife to submit her papers to Bobby so that she can fully move onto the next chapter in her life. Hen agrees to talk to her captain later but before she can, Diedre, the social worker, shows up. Because of their situation, #HenRen have been taken off the agency’s emergency placement list much to Hen’s surprise. Hen pushes back but Diedre reminds Hen that her life is about to change, dramatically…a realization that Hen hadn’t fully grasped until that moment.

With Hen technically unemployed, Denny joins his other mom for “Take Your Child to Work” day. He spends the morning at her side learning about Karen’s work as an astrophysicist. But an experiment in the lab goes awry and there’s a massive explosion. Thankfully, Denny escapes unscathed but Karen’s not so lucky. The team from 118 arrives on the scene and Hen follows closely behind. Hen tries to suit up to join the rescue efforts but Bobby refuses to let her come along. He promises that he’ll bring her wife back.

The team finds Karen huddled with one of her colleagues who’s lost an arm in the blast. Bobby orders Karen to follow Buck out of the building and she begrudingly follows. On the way out, she hears a noise and snatches the flashlight from Buck’s jacket to investigate. They find another colleague with a hurt leg and Buck has to carry him out. Before they can leave, they get news from Hen and Athena about danger from coolant and Karen recognizes the danger posed by the clean room lab (it’s a bomb, basically). Karen helps Bobby navigate through the building and, together, they mitigate the danger.

Finally, Karen gets out. She hugs her wife and son and assures everyone she’s okay. But she can’t catch her breath and eventually collapses, revealing some shrapnel stuck in her side. Even with her wife feverishly trying to resuscitate her, Karen codes in the ambulance. They shock her back to a normal rhythm and, after surgery, it looks like she’ll be okay. The experience makes Hen reflect on what kind of life she wants to have…and it’s the one she’s been living. She tosses out her resignation papers and embraces the dream life she’s always had.

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All American 503: “Feeling Myself”

Written by Natalie

When All American returned this season, I touted the growth that we’ve seen in Coop’s character. She’s found her purpose and is pursuing it with a vigor that she had once reserved for her music. Am I a bit remiss that she can’t do that and find love again? Yes, but you know…baby steps. Plus, compared to how the show is dealing with Patience? Coop’s story feels like a revelation by comparison.

This week, Patience is moping around the Baker house, lamenting that her album underperformed while everyone around her (including Coop) are doing big things. It’s an understandable reaction, I suppose, to your record not doing numbers but this mopey, self-obsessed, flighty version of Patience seems so at odds with the Patience we first met…the Patience who came to music reluctantly. At any rate, Leyla reminds Patience that she’ll be attending the Millennium Gold Gala later that night.

Well, not the actual gala….she’ll just be walking the event’s red carpet which, apparently, is a thing that people do. Patience walks the red carpet, looking fabulous, and Coop reports that her mother’s keeping up with all of Patience’s big moments. I suppose the lesson here is that sometimes it’s hard to see your own wins but I really wish All American devoted more time to developing Patience’s character…or, at the very least, writing her consistently.

Meanwhile, a new case falls onto the docket at Laura’s firm: Amina’s grandparents are suing Preach for full custody, insisting that the reformed gang member is an unfit parent. Coop’s stunned and assures Preach that no one’s going to take Amina from him. Her new colleague at the firm, Darius, urges caution though: the two strikes on Preach’s record complicate his case. Laura chimes in in agreement but assures Preach that they’ll do everything they can to help. She pushes Preach to tell Amina about the situation because the custody judge will want to hear from her about with whom she wants to live. Coop insists that Amina’s not going to disappoint her dad by saying she wants to live elsewhere and Laura encourages Coop to get to the truth.

Coop approaches Amina at the park and explains the situation. As predicted, Amina affirms her desire to stay close to her father and tenses at the possibility that the judge might decide otherwise. Coop promises that she won’t allow that to happen and later Darius rightly chastises her for making a promise that she can’t keep. Coop insists that Darius listen to her because she knows Preach and while Darius acknowledges not knowing Preach, neither will the judge. All the judge will know is Preach’s record.

To address that, Coop solicits character witnesses for Preach’s custody case, starting with Coach/Principal Baker. While she’s at the Baker house, Laura announces that she’s taking Coop off the case. She’s way too close to the case to be an asset, Laura notes. She appoints Darius as lead on the case and encourages Coop to give Darius room to work. So much for the glow-up?

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Queen Sugar 708: “Never to Be the Same”

Written by Natalie

This season of Queen Sugar has offered a carousel of romantic temptations for Nova Bordelon. Everyone, including her Aunt Vi, has been waiting for the moment where Nova gets antsy and forgoes her relationship with Dominic and every week, seemingly, brings someone more alluring.

First came Mo, the representative of the southern Louisiana federation of co-ops. Cute, forward, as committed to land preservation and history as Nova is. Then Chantal returned. Still fine, still committed to social justice and still knows Nova as well as anyone. Both women have an easy rapport with Nova and it makes Dominic a bit weary but Nova repeatedly affirms her love and commitment to him. But then Dominic leaves on a trip to the Sudan and a storm blows Nova’s ex, Calvin, back into town. He was the love of her life once, she wrote in her book, but now she can only think of his transgressions. Calvin tempts her, more than anyone else has thus far — he wants her so desperately — but still Nova doesn’t give in.

Nova takes her ability to fend off other potential suitors as proof that she’s changed. She’s committed to Dominic, she loves Dominic. Billie’s impressed by her ability to get the closure she needed from Calvin and pushes her to get that same closure with Camille, her first love.

Nova tracks Camille down and approaches her as she’s taking out the trash and recycling. It’s been a long time since they’ve seen each other but their chemistry sizzles as if no time has passed. They exchange pleasantries and Camille offers belated condolences on the death of Nova’s father. She admits that he’d stopped at the store a few times — a store she’d re-opened with her ex-wife — and encouraged her to reach out to Nova. He even slipped Camille Nova’s number. She never called, of course, because she didn’t know how Nova would react to her contact, but the revelations about her father’s behavior are awing for Nova.

When Billie outed Nova to her father, their relationship was irreparably damaged. But if her father had shown this kindness to Camille and her wife and if he’d urged Camille to reach out to Nova? Maybe her father wasn’t as far gone as Nova had assumed. Maybe he always saw her.

Part of me worries that this was all Camille was brought back for Nova to discover this about her father. Maybe she was just another stop on the carousel. But there’s something in the way that Camille and Nova interact. The intensity with which they stare at each other, as they jot their numbers on the other’s hand. The swagger with which Nova asks, “Will you call me this time?” I swooned (and watched it multiple times). This can’t be it. It can’t just end here.

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The Rookie: Feds 105: “Felicia”

Written by Natalie

While on assignment in the West Indies — wearing a fetching wig that she’s dubbed “Felicia” — Simone gets a call from DJ (AKA real life hersband, Jessica Betts). She confesses that their secret is out: she told her mother about their relationship. The news sends Simone scrambling to admit the news to her father before DJ’s mom can. But before she can reach out to her father, their operation in the West Indies is compromised and Simone’s forced to dump her phone. Simone’s quick thinking and an assist from the FBI ensure that she, her partner and the witness that’s being hunted escape unscathed.

By the time Simone’s finally able to reach her father (Cutty), he already knows about her relationship with DJ. He laments how awkward things are going to be for him and DJ’s mother, Ruth, when Simone and DJ break up. Simone scoffs at the notion. The father-daughter conversation is interrupted by Ruth who makes plans for a double date between the couples later that night.

The double date goes surprisingly well until it doesn’t. Mel, a friend of Cutty’s, stops by to drop off some records and misgenders DJ in the process. Simone gently corrects him but instead of making a hasty exit, he digs his hole a little deeper. Mel snipes that Simone “might as well date a dude” and her father take umbrage to his remarks. He gets heated and kicks Mel out of his house…and then, bizarrely, Ruth gets mad at Cutty instead of the guy who misgendered her kid? Ruth explains that she’s lived with a man with a short temper before and she doesn’t want to go through that again. The double date and the relationship between Ruth and Simone’s dad ends abruptly after that.

The next day, Cutty laments his change of fortune but he stands by his refusal to let Mel (or anyone) talk down to his child. Simone insists that she doesn’t need him to fight her battles but her father pushes back: because her sexuality is confusing (though oddly enough, he seems to understand it just fine), sometimes he has to fight for her. Simone notes that she’s an equal opportunity lover and above all, love is love. DJ interrupts their conversation — which, thank goodness, because it made no sense — and hands Cutty some flowers. They’re her mother’s favorites and if he goes over now, armed with the flowers and an apology, maybe he can rekindle their relationship.

Left alone, DJ apologizes for having shared the news of their relationship without talking to Simone first. Simone accepts the apology and pulls DJ towards the bedroom to let DJ make it up to her.

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American Horror Story 1103: “Smoke Signals” and 1104: “Black Out”

Written by Drew

There’s a moment in the third episode of American Horror Story: NYC when Russell Tovey’s Patrick Read goes undercover and hooks up with a potential suspect. It’s dirty and sticky and hot and for a brief moment I thought maybe I was wrong about this storyline. Maybe Ryan Murphy remaking Cruising with an openly gay protagonist was an interesting choice.

I need to stop being so generous to that man.

A mere one episode later he gives us a scene where Patrick comes out to his boss (in the 80s?? what??) saying: “I am proud to carry this badge. I am a gay policeman. Nothing about who I am stops me from doing what I do.”

It seems like just two years ago cops were getting canceled and Cops was literally getting canceled — Hollywood insisting they were reassessing their relationship to and portrayal of the police. But Cops came back and all that’s changed is the propaganda has become less subtle. We live in a world where Ilene Chaikin got her own Law & Order, Niecy Nash came out only to star in a procedural, and Ryan Murphy and his team of straight men are writing monologues like that.

It’s a shame because these episodes are not devoid of interesting and well-constructed scenes. Joe Mantello as Gino remains a real bright spot. Charlie Caver, Isaac Powell, and Zachary Quinto are doing really nice work as well. It’s interesting to watch these gay characters grapple with their own internalized homophobia in the face of multiple mortal threats.

Unfortunately, the show’s conservative streak is not just in its pro-cop slant. Once again, Ryan Murphy is equating BDSM and leather bars with evil. It’s kind of interesting in that it’s clearly an expression of his own internalized homophobia and shame but he doesn’t bring enough self-awareness to make that exploration worthwhile.

These episodes confirm Jeff Hiller’s Mr. Whitely as one of the killers along with the leatherclad Big Daddy — who I’m guessing is a ghost. Hiller is an effective villain but it does result in a dynamic where the dangers are “any gay man not hot enough for Fire Island” and “leather daddys.”

I do believe these are Ryan Murphy’s biggest fears but I’m not sure why we should care. Except, of course, that Murphy is one of the most — if not the most — successful gay artists in Hollywood and his impact is deep. His fears become our fears. His biases spread like a contagion.

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Station 19 604: “Demons”

Written by Carmen

It’s Halloween on Station 19 and Captain Beckett is annoyingly into it? Like in that way that frat bros are into Halloween because it gives them an excuse to be an asshole? As in (and this is not an exaggeration) he goes full Carrie by pouring fake blood on Maya and somehow that’s not considered workplace harassment? So now her hair is dyed strawberry pink — even after four shampoos, the food coloring Becket used won’t come out — and she smells like old cheese, because she’s out of clothes. Yeah, she’s not doing great.

The reason Maya is out of clothes is because she won’t go home. She’s avoiding Carina because all they do is fight and Carina wants Maya to get the therapy that’s obvious to literally everyone that she needs, but Maya won’t listen because that is the Maya way. Carina asks Andy if Maya’s talked to her (while Carina does Maya’s laundry for her, in an effort to help her wife self-care. God, I love Carina) and Andy basically says — this is how Maya was raised. She works too hard and when she’s upset she works more on top of that. But just because that’s what someone’s always done, that doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous. Ruiz tries to talk Maya. Having been a former Captain himself, he recognizes the signs of burnout. Maya tells him that he willingly gave up her position, she was forced out of hers, he has no idea what that feels like.

Except during the big rescue of the episode — which takes place at a haunted maze on fire — Maya pushes herself too far. She ignores Beckett’s commands and even though she saves a father and his son (was anyone else terrified for a minute there that we were going to lose her? Something about that hero music was so ominous to me!!), she really fucks up her ankle in the process. When they get back to the station, Ruiz lets Maya and Beckett both have it. Maya is a danger to herself, she’s a danger to her team, she’s working too hard and she’s making mistakes because of how tired she is. If Beckett doesn’t do something, someone is going get hurt or die.

Of course, because he is a void of leadership in a potato sack, Beckett takes all of Ruiz’s rightful anger and then unloads it on Maya, rather than owning up to the fact that his torture of her is what started this whole thing to begin with (though to be fair, that might have something to do with the fact that Maya bought him alcohol a few weeks ago — I have not forgotten). Beckett requires that Maya take some forced rest. Maya promises Carina that she’s finally going home. And for a second I thought we were getting a happy-ish ending, Maya and Carina finding their way back to each other (Carina called her “bambina” even!). But instead the last shot of the episode is Maya, still fully clothed in her uniform and boots, sobbing while she sits on the floor of the shower in the Station 19 locker room. She takes off one of her boots to reveal a swollen ankle, from maze save.

I don’t think we’re done quite yet.

Boobs on Your Tube: Good Gay “Grey’s Anatomy” Is Back, Baby!

Spooky season continues this week! Drew and Kayla released their list of 25 Scariest Queer Horror Movie Moments. A. Tony reviewed Aisha Dee’s queer horror movie, Sissy. And Alison Rumfitt took a look at Eurosleaze. In less creeeepy news, The Good Fight season six has given Carmen a girlfriend, and Kayla wrote about it. The Owl House’s third season is the gayest thing Mickey Mouse has ever seen, and Heather wrote about that. And Riese updated our streaming lists of LGBTQ things on Hulu and also Prime Video.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ The Prime Video India original series Four More Shots Please returns for its third season today (trailer). I’m anxious to see how the show builds out Umang’s character now that the relationship that monopolized her attention for the first two seasons is over. — Natalie

+ I have to pace myself with Big Shot — which returned for its second season last week on Disney+ — because my tolerance for watching faux-basketball is very, very low. I mean, if I wanted to watch a basketball team that can’t shoot, I’d just watch the Lakers. But, if you can look past that, the season’s second episode is devoted to Mouse and her coming out…and it’s adorable. — Natalie

+ On Station 19 this week, more of Maya fighting and Carina fighting, But also, Carina might be pregnant (with Vic’s help, in a really touching scene, she decides not to look at the test until she’s with Maya). Next week however it looks like Maya’s self-destruction spiral is going to hit a really dangerous point on the job. So I’m more than a little nervous!  — Carmen

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Grey’s Anatomy 1903: “Let’s Talk about Sex”

Written by Carmen

I’m actually REALLY EXCITED to be with you today, because last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy was not only one of my favorite episodes of Grey’s in literally… years? Is that possible? Since before the pandemic at minimum. I’ve already watched it three times since it aired at 9pm eastern standard time last night. But also! Drumroll! It’s gay!!

The gay parts aren’t necessarily the central parts, but that’s ok because they are very hot + also we have a new queer person to add to the glass menagerie of Gay Sloan Memorial. Let’s do that first!

I absolutely had new intern^TM Mika Yasuda clocked the minute she showed up in the trailer for this season. She.. walks gay? I cannot explain how someone walks gay. In fact, to prove how right I was, please enjoy this message in the Autostraddle TV Team Slack that I sent on September 6th, before a single episode had aired (bonus jokes for any Glee fans are also within):

So imagine my delight! IMAGINE MY DELIGHT! When, faced with having to put a condom on a banana to teach sex ed to high schoolers (we’re coming back to that) Intern Yasuda said, “I mostly have sex with women” because of course you do buddy. May the power of Calliope Iphegenia Torres light whatever path you may walk. May the smiles of Arizona Robbins brighten your darkest day. May your queerness become more central than whatever it is they did with Hellmouth. Amen.

The other queer plot came with the heart-stopping return hot doctor Kai – who did not have much to do, other than walk around in that all black suit and make me grasp at collarbone beside myself over.. well, everything. Their everything. It’s perfect.

The episode starts with Amelia being upset that she hasn’t seen Kai in weeks and long distance isn’t for the weak, so Amelia is considering flying on a six-hour red eye to be in Miami for a neurology conference if it means even 12 hours alone with them. But that won’t be necessary because surprise — Kai is already in Seattle. In that all black suit. And again. Grasping. Collarbones. Hot. HOT. Ok ahem.

(I’m dutifully required by law to saw that Autostraddle TV Award for Outstanding Hairstyling winner ER Fightmaster has grown out their hair for the new season. And it’s.. really working.)

Everyone has sex at the end of the episode, and that means that Amelia and Kai also have sex. It’s great because everything they do feels like a fire warming off the side of the sun. Plus, hot doctor Kai has diagnosed that not-so-baby Zola is actually a kid genius! Wonderful, Grey’s Anatomy was going to need some reason to write off Ellen Pompeo (she only signed on to do eight episodes this season hahahaahaa, I know) .

Speaking of reasons I love this episode. Speaking of Ellen Pompeo leaving. Guess who’s back? ADDISON MOTHER F*CKING FORBES MONTGOMERY. Kate Walsh has signed on as a recurring character this season and last night was her first episode. This brings us back to Yasuda and the condom.

So the reason Yasuda was putting a condom on a banana is because Dr. Bailey had the brilliant idea that since the Supreme Court has redrawn the battle lines on the rights to our bodies, the first line of defense is in arming the teens of America with factual, non-judgmental, sex education. She asked Addison to fly up to Seattle to help out.

Bailey, Jo, and Addison gather up the new interns^TM and ask them to make “viral videos” which is hilarious on face value, but also fits in so much really honest, clear, great actual real life sex education on a show that millions of teens somehow still watch even though its 20 years old. I’m out of space and time so I have to wrap this up, but watch this episode! I loved it. So excited to finally have good Grey’s back. Thanks.

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Survivor 4305: “Stop with All the Niceness”

Written by Anya

Another great week for Karla! From the very start of this episode, it’s clear that Karla is running this game. On the Coco tribe, Ryan and Geo think they “have the numbers,” and apparently have no idea that neither Karla, nor Cassidy, nor James, consider Ryan and Geo their allies. However, Karla and Cassidy decide to let the men think they’re in charge — all the while planning to vote Ryan out, should the opportunity arise. Karla sat out the challenge, and her team went on to lose. Special shout-out goes to the Vesi tribe, who once again won the challenge, and seems far more unified than the other two tribes (perhaps because they had to go to Tribal council the most). The Vesi tribe chose Geo, Jesse, and Janine to go on the Risk-Your-Vote journey. At this point, Ryan reveals in a confessional that he “threw the challenge” so that the Coco tribe can go to Tribal and he can take out Cassidy.

As any Survivor fan will tell you, there are two things you never do: you never throw a challenge, and you never go to rocks. So I already know this isn’t gonna go the way Ryan wants! On the journey, all three contestants risk their votes, and Geo ends up winning the Knowledge-Is-Power advantage. Upon returning to the Coco tribe, Geo lies to the tribe at large and says he didn’t risk his vote, and then decides to confide IN KARLA AND KARLA ALONE that he got the advantage. She is so good at getting people to trust her! At this point, Karla takes the reins again — she works with Cassidy and James (a pretty strong alliance at this point) to switch the vote from Ryan to Geo. Karla doesn’t mess around — as soon as Geo got just a little bit of power, Karla decided he needed to go, and it needed to be a blindside so that he wouldn’t even think to use his advantage. And, like we saw in the last episode, that’s exactly what she did. The tribe voted out Geo, who went home with the advantage in his pocket. Again, I find myself hoping that no one realizes how powerful she is — we’ll find out next week at THE MERGE!

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The Equalizer 303: “Gaslight”

Written by Natalie

Since her niece’s kidnapping, Aunt Vi’s nerves have been frayed. She constantly questions Robyn about her missions and their level of danger she faces, knowing full well that her niece can’t tell her everything. But she finds comfort in her rekindled relationship with Trish, a recently widowed gallerist who Vi dated in college. Thus far, their relationship has played out, almost entirely, off-screen, but this week, a mid-day visit from Trish brings her into Vi’s other world.

Knowing that her family was away for the day, Trish turns up on Vi’s doorstep, armed with macarons and memories of their last night together. The two share a kiss and Vi pulls Trish inside. But before they can recapture the spark of the previous night, Dee returns home from school early. Trish rushes to make herself scarce but Vi asks her to stay and meet her family. She makes the introductions and Dee can barely contain her giddiness at having met her aunt’s girlfriend. Vi invites Trish to stay and join her and Dee for lunch.

Over lunch, Trish regales Dee with tales of her aunt’s legend: how Vi was once the “it girl” of the early 80s art scene and how she rubbed shoulders with all the big names. Once, Trish tells, Vi was even invited to do an exhibit with Jean-Michel Basquiat but she was too much of a perfectionist to meet the show’s deadline. Vi grows increasingly uncomfortable with each revelation and admonishes Trish for sharing these old stories with her great niece. Dee can’t get enough of the stories, though, and can’t believe she’s never heard about Aunt Vi’s history before. Even once Trish leaves to head back to work, Dee presses for more details and Vi sternly says, “enough.”

Later, Vi apologizes to Dee for snapping at her. Dee admits she was being pushy but her aunt assures her that she can ask her anything. Vi explains that it’s just uncomfortable for her to revisit that time in her life. She might have been the scene’s “it girl” but when she saw Basquiat’s work, she knew she couldn’t compete. Robyn and Dee remind Vi that she shouldn’t compare herself to others and Vi understands that now. But back then, she admits, she felt exposed so she lied and told Trish that her work wasn’t finished.

Vi’s nieces remind her that it’s never too late to jump back into the art scene but Vi’s convinced she’s missed her window. Besides, sje doesn’t know if she has the passion anymore. But Robyn pushes back: Vi is the most passionate woman she’s ever met and she can do anything that she wants to…the only question is: what does she want to do?

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9-1-1 605: “Home Invasion”

Written by Natalie

After she recommits herself to her dream of becoming a doctor, Henrietta Wilson’s village steps up to help: Bobby gives her time off from work at Station 118, Karen meticulously schedules their home life so nothing falls through the cracks and her mother volunteers to bring over lunch. Hen’s only job is to study for her practical exam with Dr. Simmons. Following a full day of studying, Hen feels ready for her exam and invites Karen to quiz her before bed. Karen has other ideas, though: she puts Hen’s flashcards on the nightstand and slides into bed next to her. Karen encourages Hen to trust that she’s done all that she can to prepare for the exam. Now, Karen notes, Hen deserves a reward for all her hard work and pulls her into a kiss.

But before things can get too spicy, Hen gets unnerved by the watchful eye of Hoover, the dog Hen saved from an overdose and who the family begrudgingly inherited. Karen carries the dog out of the room, closing the door behind her, and then slides back into bed to pick up where they left off. But Hoover will not tolerate this disrespect and paws at the door until Karen lets him back in the room. He immediately jumps on the bed and sandwiches himself between his two mamas. The next morning, Hen’s alarm wakes the couple up early. Karen climbs out of bed to make coffee and yells when she discovers that their house has been ransacked. Hen wonders if they’ve been robbed but, it turns out, they’ve just been Hoover’d.

While Karen searches for a new home for Hoover, Hen joins Dr. Simmons for a practical exam during rounds and absolutely crushes it. Everyone gathers at Bobby and Athena’s later to celebrate Hen’s big accomplishment. Hen tries to be modest about it all but her village won’t allow it. Karen excitedly notes, “My rock star paramedic wife is about to be a doctor, y’all.”

The crew toasts Hen’s success but admits that they’ll miss her as part of the 118. But unfortunately, Hen’s last hoorah with Station 118 might not be a pleasant one: they’re dispatched to respond to an explosion at the astrophysics laboratory where Karen works.

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NCIS: Hawai’i 205: “Sudden Death”

Written by Natalie

When NCIS Hawai’i debuted, I did not have high hopes. Between CBS’ history and the franchise’s history — Tammy Gregorio’s most intense romance was with a former Russian agent on NCIS: New Orleans over just two episodes — I didn’t have much faith in the Hawai’i edition to change that. This show quickly proved me wrong. Not only that but now, 27 episodes into NCIS: Hawai’i‘s run, I found myself wondering: is there another show on network television centering their lesbian pairing like this? Did NCIS: Hawai’i lowkey become the gayest thing on broadcast TV?

This week starts out with Lucy gathering up her things which have been scattered all across Kate’s apartment. Of course, Kate being Kate, she knows exactly where everything is and instructs Lucy on where to find what she needs. The one thing Kate didn’t know, though, is that Lucy’s lease is up and because her landlord is selling her apartment, she has to find a new place. Taken aback by the revelation, Kate asks how long Lucy’s been looking for a new place. A couple of weeks, Lucy admits. Anxious to conceal her hurt, Kate urges Lucy to find something that suits her lifestyle…a lifestyle that Lucy points out is basically just “work, gym and [Kate].”

Kate points out that Lucy spends most of her free time at Kate’s apartment. Lucy acknowledges the point and then…they both wait for the other to ask the question that they’re studiously avoiding. Frustrated, Kate pivots and offers to help Lucy find a place. An uncomfortable tension sets and Lucy rushes to escape the awkwardness.

Later, Kate stops by HQ and hands her girlfriend some options: apartments in Lucy’s preferred area with amenities similar to the things Lucy likes about Kate’s place. Lucy interjects, “I could just move in with you.” Kate doesn’t respond right away so Lucy tries to backtrack but Kate assures her she was thinking the same thing. Kate insists that it makes sense since they spend most of their nights together anyway and, plus, it’s the “financially responsible thing to do.” The completely unromantic response throws Lucy for a loop and the uncomfortable tension returns. This time, though, it’s Kate who makes the hasty getaway.

Eventually, Lucy shows up at Kate’s door and explains that she doesn’t want to move in because it’s rational or responsible, she wants to move in because Kate genuinely wants her there. Kate insists that she absolutely does want Lucy there. If that’s true, Lucy wonders, what was up with all the research? Kate admits that she didn’t want to pressure Lucy and Lucy responds that she didn’t want to pressure Kate either. They realize that they’re really fighting over nothing and kiss to celebrate their domestic bliss.

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Vampire Academy 109: “The Darkness”

Written by Valerie Anne

This week, our vampire princess is going through it because her sister is a Strigoi now. She tries to warn Lissa about using the Spirit powers, but Lissa is so sure she has it under control. Mia goes to pick up a bracelet she had ordered for Sonya that is ready (sob) when she runs into Meredith. Meredith offers to help but Mia says there’s nothing to do. Meredith stumbles through an awkward apology, saying she acted like a jealous jerk at the party and also knows now is probably not the best time to bring it up. Mia is glad Meredith said something but she has to go be with her dads. Meredith offers to meet with her later if she wants to, and Mia nods a sad nod and leaves.

Meredith goes back to the Guardian residences and tries to get her friend to not leave with Rose because it’s very obvious to her that Rose doesn’t love him. Rose loves Lissa Dimitri. But he just snaps back at her about how she keeps lying about needing “family leave” but is actually off doing something else entirely…mysterious!

Meredith leaves and goes to wait with flowers for Mia, but Mia doesn’t show. Meredith looks bummed about it but if she knew the real reason why she would understand. You see, the Strigoi – specifically Christian’s parents – kidnapped Mia and are holding her hostage to exchange for Strigoi Sonya. As the sisters pass each other, Mia sobs out an apology to Sonya for not being there for her, telling her that she loves her, but Sonya doesn’t seem to react.

In the end it seems the exchange was successful (Christian even kills his Strigoi father) but the whole thing was just a distraction so the Strigoi could ambush the town. Here’s hoping Mia goes right to Meredith to explain why she didn’t meet up with them. Poor thing is going to need all the support she can get after all this trauma.

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American Horror Story 1101: “Something’s Coming” and 1102: “Thank You for Your Service”

Written by Drew

Last year, in my coverage of American Horror Story: Double Feature, I expressed a desire for Ryan Murphy’s queer-inclusive horror to actually center queerness. For better or worse, he’s complied.

AHS: NYC is a gay slasher set in New York in 1981 — think Cruising (1980) meets Hellbent (2004). (In fact, there is an explicit recreation of a Cruising interrogation scene… you know the one.) But because this is American Horror Story, there is also a subplot where Billie Lourd is a scientist doctor discovering(?) AIDS and probably by the end of the season there will be ghosts or witches or something.

Ryan Murphy is easy to make fun of but he’s also easy to have fun with. And considering a super low-budget movie from 2004 is still our best example of an explicitly gay slasher, I welcome the attempts made in these first two episodes. The problem again and again with this anthology show is horror lives on suspense and it’s very hard to sustain most horror genres across this many episodes. It’s why so many of the seasons fall apart by the end or have to reinvent themselves midway through — or both. This time Murphy and his team have adopted a slow-burn approach and while there are some dull moments and too many characters, I feel more optimistic about the season as a whole than if these first two episodes were a self-contained triumph.

The MVP of this season so far is Joe Mantello who plays the editor in chief of a gay newspaper, seemingly the only one who actually cares about this serial killer targeting gay men. Mantello is such a great actor and he sells the sometimes goofy, sometimes convoluted AHS writing. He even comes close to selling the most annoying aspect of the season — Mantello’s character dating a closeted cop played by Russell Tovey.

Like the new film My Policeman, the point Murphy and his team are seemingly making is that the cops don’t care about gay people and a closeted gay cop is in a hopeless position. I just don’t find the whole leftist gay journalist dating a closeted gay cop thing to be that interesting. We don’t need a POV character on the police force to grasp the very basic commentary on 1980s police homophobia. There are some hints that Tovey’s character is the killer but hints like that in episode two feel like an obvious red herring. If he is responsible that would be a little interesting but I’m not expecting that outcome.

Cop protagonists as complicit in a broken system is better than making them heroes — it’s still not as interesting as doing away with them altogether.

Yes, the show is focusing on gay men but women do make an appearance beyond Billie Lourd’s scientist doctor. Sandra Bernhard plays the leader of a group of lesbians who want to write for Mantello’s paper. They succeed in episode two so I’m sure we’ll see more of them.

As far as trans women, I did look up who the trans actress is playing one of Bernhard’s lesbian companions — turns out she’s Ewan McGregor’s daughter and is totally cis. Oh well. Murphy flashes a picture of Marsha P. Johnson on-screen so that’s enough of that.

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Raising Kanan 209: “Anti-Trust”

Written by Carmen

Previously on Raising Kanan, as I had predicted Jukebox’s relationship with her long lost (conservative, Christian) mother does not end well. As I had not predicted, and to be honest have not forgiven as a storytelling decision, that bad relationship ends in Juke being physically abused in a violent conversion therapy scene that quite literally NO ONE ASKED FOR.

It seems they wanted to set up Juke’s mom as a greater evil to set the stage for Jukebox’s reconciliation with her father, Marvin. Last season Marvin also had a violent reaction to finding out Jukebox was gay (even more reason they didn’t need to show her receiving homophobic physical abuse from both her parents in back-to-back seasons, but I digress). This year though, he’s gone to anger management. He clearly is remorseful about their past and what happened. And he’s willing to earn back Jukebox’s trust and love, on her own time table. Especially after her experience with her mother, Jukebox seems cautiously willing to let him back in — bit by bit, one diner breakfast at a time. I’d be more willing to accept this comeback arc for Marvin if the writers had trusted it to stand on its own two feet. Jukebox and Marvin could have found their way back to each other without a horrific, violent, Black churches are homophobic trope thrown on top of it.

Raising Kanan, at its core, is about how evil is created. We are watching Kanan and Jukebox as teens, cousins, and best friends in the 1990s. Two kids who unconditionally love each other. But anyone who’s seen Power also knows that they both grow up to be villains. The forces around them have to take these sweet kids, who it’s impossible not to be charmed by on some level, and harden them. That’s the conceit of the show. For Kanan, that comes at the hands of his emotionally manipulative mother (the exquisite Patina Miller!). I just don’t know that I buy that for Jukebox this was the only path to get where we know she must end up.

My little mediation on storytelling decisions is also tied to the secondary queer plot in this week’s episode. Detective Burke is in a cat-and-mouse chase with her partner, Detective Omar Epps (of Love and Basketball and real life 90s Black heartthrob fame, I haven’t bothered to learn his name in the show). She knows he’s keeping secrets (and he is) and he’s trying to outrun her.

Which is why Detective Omar Epps went to Nicole’s father’s house — remember him? The one that Jukebox gave the tape to, of her singing at the mall with Nicole? And I said that was a bad idea? — to convince him that known lesbian Burke was grooming both Jukebox and Nicole. He goes as far as to say that Burke is the reason Nicole died of the overdose (Nope! Still Kanan’s fault, and Nicole’s fault for stealing the drugs). It’s clear that Omar Epps is trying to get Burke put away before she finds out the truth about him, but something tells me that it’s actually going to be Jukebox who ends up caught in the crossfire.

I will say that Hailey Kilgore and Patina Miller share a scene as Jukebox and her Aunt Raq that’s easily one of the finest scenes of acting I saw last week. Despite the show’s faults, getting to watch those two giants play together never fails to disappoint.

Boobs on Your Tube: Wifeys Niecy Nash and Jessica Betts Sizzle On-Screen in “The Rookie: Feds”

This week, we celebrated National Coming Out Day with a roundtable of some of our favorite coming out scenes. Riese updated our lists of ALL the LGBTQs streaming on Netflix and on HBO Max. Tegan and Sara’s High School lands today on Amazon Freevee (which used to be imdbTV). Heather reviewed it, interviewed Tegan and Sara, and also interviewed showrunners Clea DuVall and Laura Kittrell. Heather also chatted with Brittani Nichols about the episode of Abbott Elementary she wrote this week. THE L WORD: Gen Q SEASON THREE TRAILER DROPPED. We also got loads of updates about the upcoming season. Melissa Etheridge and Rachel Maddow hung out on Watch What Happens Live! over on Bravo. And Monster High was a queer little delight.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ Add another queer firefighter to our tally: Jules Latimer suits up as Eve Edwards in the new CBS’ drama, Fire Country. Joining Eve and her Cal Fire team in the field are inmates from the local fire-camp, who battle blazes in exchange for paltry pay and reduced prison sentences. In the show’s pilot episode, Eve’s trying to get over the loss of a close friend…starting by flirting (badly) with the new bartender. — Natalie

+ She-Hulk ended this week without another mention of Nikki’s queerness, but it did end with Jennifer Walters taking control of her story. She was tired of her story being overrun with men and she took things into her own hands to fix it, so in the end she got her cute little lawyer show after all. The way the season ended teased that this wouldn’t be the last we saw of Tatiana’s She-Hulk so fingers crossed that where she goes, Nikki does too. — Valerie Anne

+ Raising Kanan was really tough this week, so much so that I need more time to think about it (and it aired six days ago!). I’ve been pretty unapologetic in championing this show, because even though it’s violent — it’s never felt out of the realm for a crime drama. This week’s torture of Jukebox, when her mother sends her to conversion therapy, felt beyond the pale, even for an inherently violent show. So I’m still chewing on it, I’ll report back. — Carmen

+ Still no Hot Doctor Kai on Grey’s, but I’m loving the direction of the show this season. I told Natalie yesterday that it’s the first time in years that they’ve gone two weeks in a row for an episode I genuinely had fun with. Biggest surprise? The brief return of former Intern Resident Hellmouth (we missed you!!) who is currently bartending at Joe’s, waxing poetic about learning to stop falling love with straight women and only loving women who can love her back, and wearing exceptionally hot dark red lipstick. I’m hoping we see her back in scrubs soon — remember Cristina’s bartender phase after the Season Six shooting? — but for now, it was fun to catch up. — Carmen

+ Stephanie Allynne appears on Reboot this week as Mallory from Hulu HR, who has the worst job in the world: teaching rooms full of comedy writers how not to violate human rescuers protocol. Hannah crushes on her immediately, and the results are hilarious and surprisingly sweet. — Heather

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The Rookie: Feds 103: “Star Crossed”

Written by Natalie

There was a story recently about Idris Elba’s daughter, Isan, who auditioned to play opposite her father in his new movie, Beast. In the end, she didn’t get the role — as his daughter in the movie, mind you — because there was a lack of chemistry on camera. It’s funny to consider but sometimes the real life chemistry between two actors doesn’t translate on-screen.

Niecy Nash and Jessica Betts, however, do not have that problem.

When Nash’s Simone Clark runs into Betts’ Deena “DJ” Jackson outside her father’s house, sparks fly immediately (after an awkward misgendering which felt woefully out of place). DJ saunters past Simone and they catch each other’s eye…and then proceed to circle each other like hawks scouting their prey. Simone compliments the tune DJ was humming and the newcomer notes that she wrote it herself. Impressed, Simone notes that DJ’s got looks and talent. They introduce themselves to each other and their hands linger just a touch longer than you’d expect. DJ invites Simone to join her at jazz fest but Simone declines because she has to work. Undeterred, DJ asks Simone to add her number to her phone.

“You don’t mess around, do you?” Simone asks.

“Not when I see something I want,” DJ responds seductively.

At home, I’m like…”good God, get a room already.”

Inside, Simone greets her father’s book club and asks DJ’s mother if her daughter is single. She confirms that DJ is but Simone’s father quickly pulls Simone aside and warns her off. According to him, DJ is single because she’s a source of non-stop drama and she doesn’t want any part of that. A few days later, though, Simone’s father acknowledges that he lied to her about DJ. Turns out, he’s dating DJ’s mother and he thought it’d be weird if they were both dating Jackson women. He apologizes for misleading her and thanks her for finally listening to her father. Simone assures her father that she’s got him…but, of course, when she returns back to her room, who’s made themselves very comfortable on Simone’s bed? DJ.

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Survivor 4304: “Show No Mercy

Written by Anya

I’m here for one reason and one reason only — to write about queer icon Karla Cruz Godoy, who’s currently competing on Season 43 of Survivor! There are scant queer women — especially queer women of color — featured in one of the most popular, long-running reality TV shows of all time, so now that Karla is here, we’re making a big deal out of it! I will write these blurbs as long as Karla is in, which I sincerely hope will be all the way through the finale, when she is holding one million dollars cold hard cash in her sweet gay hands!!!

This week’s episode was a turning point for our gal. If last week showcased Karla’s quiet social power (when she deftly converted a Beware Advantage into a hidden immunity idol by casually, sweetly convincing every member of her tribe to give her a special bead) (incredible), this week her social power grew far louder. After losing the reward AND immunity challenges, the Coco tribe was set to go to Tribal Council for their first time ever. Initially, the vote seemed simple — they were voting out Geo Bustamante. BUT THEN, for some reason, Lindsay Carmine got paranoid that actually everyone was secretly planning on sending her home (Linds, what?). Karla and her ally James Jones were both off-put by Lindsay’s seemingly unprompted, turbulent behavior. And this is when we saw the shift in Karla: she wonders aloud if they should flip the vote to Lindsay — maybe she’s too chaotic to keep around. MY JAW DROPPED! That’s a big move! Was Karla gonna go for it? Would she be able to get the rest of her tribe on board? Well, reader — yes, and yes. Lindsay was voted out, and Karla orchestrated it. I fear that leading a blindside this early may put a target on Karla’s back, but knowing our queen, she’ll quietly and tactfully recede into a display of neutrality, cracking jokes and endearing the hearts of America — without ever revealing just how powerful she really is.

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9-1-1 604: “Animal Instincts”

Written by Natalie

The last time that we checked in with Henrietta Wilson, her wife, Karen, had given her an ultimatum: choose between being a firefighter/paramedic and becoming a doctor. She’s been putting off making a decision while serving at interim Captain of Station 118 but when Bobby returns, he orders her to take a little time off to get recharged.

But even without school or the firehouse to worry about, Hen still studiously avoids confronting the decision she has to make. She ends back up at Station 118, spending time with the crew between calls, but when the Captain spots her, he questions her presence. When her first excuse falls flat — picking up some kombucha? oh, Hen, you are such a bad liar — she admits that the house is just too quiet for her. She doesn’t have anything to do, Karen’s at work and Denny’s spending time with his friends, so she needed to come somewhere with a bit more news. As if the spirits heard her, the fire alarm rings and the team rushes off on a call. But Bobby leaves her with a stern warning: “don’t be here when we get back.”

Banished to her home, Hen tries to make herself useful: organizing books, dusting the shelves, replacing light bulbs and doing the laundry. But she quickly gets bored with doing that and tries to distract herself by buying new shoes (#relatablecontent). Mercifully, Buck shows up at her door looking for someone to talk to about the indecent proposal he’s been offered. Hen’s never been so happy to see someone in her life: doing nothing is giving her more anxiety than trying to do everything.

The colleagues settle in at Hen’s kitchen table and trade shots, while debating the pros and cons of Buck donating his swimmers to a couple struggling with fertility issues. They’re three sheets to the wind when Bobby calls from the scene of an opioid overdose…a puppy overdose to be exact. But despite her addled state, Hen’s still able to calculate the amount of Narcan needed to revive the patient. Buck’s impressed by her instincts and insists that she would’ve made a great doctor.

That’s the thing that finally spurns Hen to action. She returns to her professor and asks for a second chance. She touts her instincts and her experience and asserts that, despite failing the exam, she’d make a really good doctor. It’s enough to persuade the professor who offers her a second chance: a practical exam with the professor and her patients.

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All American 501: “Ludacrismas”

Written by Natalie

When All American debuted back in 2018, the show’s two most messy characters were Asher — intimidated by Spencer’s arrival at Beverly — and Coop, who was involved in all sorts of nonsense. But what a difference some time makes! Now, at the start of the show’s fifth season, both those characters are among the show’s most stable. Asher’s excelling at being a student/coach and Coop’s found her purpose in working with Laura Baker. Plus, Coop’s managed to make things right with Sky and they’ve been dating for six weeks. You know what that is? Growth.

But before Coop can celebrate too much, she walks into Laura’s new law office and discovers someone else sitting at her desk. He mistakes Coop for a new walk-in client and hands her a clipboard with the intake forms on them. Before Coop can chastise the stranger for his assumptions, Laura enters and introduces Coop to the new first-year associate, Darius Marshall. Laura sends Darius off to file a motion and Coop questions why she needed the additional help. Laura explains that the firm’s been growing but Coop interjects that she’s there to help manage it. Laura assures her that they’re still in this together but she needs someone with resources and abilities that Coop just doesn’t have.

Later, at Spencer’s Christmas party, Coop laments that she’ll have to look for a new job now that she’s been replaced by “some bougie Harvard scarf wearing cat named Darius.” Asher’s stunned that Laura would fire Coop but she dials back the hyperbole and explains that she hasn’t been fired, just replaced. Asher reminds her that even Coop admitted that the firm had been non-stop busy. Ever the coach, he urges Coop to use Darius’ presence as fuel…a reason to up her game.

Asher’s words get through to Coop and she returns to the law office to talk to Laura. Coop’s committed to upping her game by moving away from online classes and enrolling in GAU’s pre-law program. She admits she might never get to the Ivy Leagues like Darius but she knows she could be good at this…she wants to become a lawyer.

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Vampire Academy 108: “The Trials”

Written by Valerie Anne

I’m going to be frank with you: I am enjoying Vampire Academy, but I am not enjoying how straight it is. Lissa and Rose have such good chemistry and such an intense connection it’s going past reasonable female friendship levels. And I love a friendship story. I mean, for crying out loud, Lissa’s entire family died in a car crash and the only person she used her healing powers on was Rose. And the term for it is “shadow kissed.” Lissa even tells someone this week that whenever she imagined her wedding, the man was a mystery but one thing was constant: Rose was always there. That’s gay!!

It doesn’t help that they’ve sidelined the actual gay characters. They kissed and then fully weren’t in the next episode. And then this episode Mia is back playing princess so Meredith assumes that means she doesn’t want anything to do with the dhampir guardian she kissed and while she hopes Mia wasn’t just going through a phase, to protect her heart she does brush Mia off when they do briefly pass each other. And Mia looks a little like Glinda in Wicked. “‘Cause getting your dreams…it’s strange, but it seems a little, well, complicated.”

There are only two episodes left and a lot going on in the big picture so here’s hoping we get to resolve the tension between these two before the season ends.

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Home Economics 304: “Wedding Bouquet, $125”

Written by Carmen

I loved this week’s Home Economics so much that I rewound it back and watched it twice. I feel like I’ve said this before, but I realize that as a classic, traditional network sitcom, Home Economics isn’t very flashy (though I’d argue landing the prime spot directly after breakout Abbott Elementary proves ABC has a lot of belief in it), but when it’s good? It’s great. When it’s gay? It’s pretty close to outstanding. And this week proved me right.

In full episode flashback to 2009, we join Tom and Marina on their wedding day. Of course nothing is going right, or there wouldn’t be a story. Some of the purposefully dated pop culture mentions feel forced, but what feels pitch perfect is Sarah’s stress over having not yet come out to her parents. Apparently she dated Denise in college and it was serious, but they broke up because Sarah wouldn’t incorporate Denise into the rest of her life. Her brothers both know she’s a lesbian, but she’s yet to tell her parents and she’s brought some horrific finance bro as her beard to the wedding (this finance bro sets Connor up with his first job, so this wedding really is the origin story of how all the characters became who we know them to be now).

Sarah’s world gets turned sideways when it turns out the bartender for this wedding? Ring-a-ding, it’s Denise (Sasheer Zamata, in her natural shaved head, which is gorgeous and I wish they stop having her wear a wig for Denise on the show). She’s paying her way through grad school mixing drinks for a catering company. Of course the minute Sarah sees her, she can’t stay away, so she keeps making up excuses to “go talk to the bartender” — but Denise isn’t having it, nothing has changed in Sarah’s life, she wasn’t out then, she’s not out now. And Denise deserves more than being Sarah’s secret.

Scared of losing Denise again, Sarah comes out to her mother at the wedding (plot twist! Mom could’ve guessed it, because of Sarah’s nose ring, which she hates by the way!). Then she goes right up to Denise and kisses her, long and hard, in front of her entire family. Later, sharing a dance, Sarah and Denise decide to do a bit and pretend to start all over, They each go to introduce themselves as a new person and coincidentally both pick the name “Lulu” — which of course, is the pet name they use for each other to this day.

As Sarah and Denise, Caitlin McGee and Sasheer Zamata have this warmed, lived in chemistry that’s unmatched, and it was delightful to see them tap into it’s vibrancy to play their characters at the start of their road together. By the time the family invited Denise in for the group picture, I was smiling ear to ear (and yep, you guessed it, rewinding to see it again!)

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Station 19 602: “Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey”

Written by Carmen

I actually debated writing about this, because there’s little that Maya and Carina do together in this week’s Station 19, well other than continue last week’s arguing. Maya has yet to look into finding a therapist (and wow does she need one) and Carina has just about had it, with the world at large but also with Maya in particular. But Stefania Spampinato and Danielle Savre gave such standout performances, it’s hard not to take note.

As Carina, Stefania Spampinato is oozing with anger from every pore, but not without compassion or empathy. She’s still one of the best criers on television, and when she delivers a monologue about what it means to be an OB-GYN in a post Roe-world? Whew. I have always loved Dr. Orgasm, but what started off as such a playful role (a foil to the Shane McCutcheon of Grey Sloan Memorial, Arizona Robbins) has suddenly, and drastically gotten much more serious in this world we are all trying to survive, and Stefania Spampinato has stepped up to that challenge in every way.

Meanwhile, Maya is having a terrible day as she keeps getting torn to shreds by Captain Beckett — who’s still (understandably, even) pissed because Maya tried to blackmail to get him fired. Not that I’m making any excuses for Beckett, who’s defining characteristic up to this point to me has been “that ass who I wish they’d fire as captain of Station 19 so that I can stop looking at his face,” but what Maya does in retaliation to Becket’s bullying is unconscionable. Beckett is a known alcoholic who recently got sober on the job. Maya buys him a bottle of his favorite brown liquor.

Now there is separating the act from the actor. What Maya did — there is no excuse. I am pissed at her, I’m even more pissed at the writers for this season’s decisions and forcing me to hate Maya, one of my favorite (but always difficult) characters in the broader Greys-universe. But Danielle Savre’s face as Maya sauntered out Beckett’s office? That’s what we call actingggg. And it was so, so good.

Boobs on Your Tube: Kate and Lucy Go Public With Their Love on “NCIS: Hawai’i”

Hey we made it to Official Spooky Season! Way to go, queers! Starting next week, it’s gonna be so many monsters and vampires and Rockford Peaches costumes! But first — Kayla’s got another ALOTO Style Thief for you; this time, it’s butch icons Lupe and Jesss. Shelli rounded up a bunch of queers eating wings on Hot Ones. Riese got us caught up on all the latest Gen Q rumors and news. Heather reviewed the shockingly gay Reboot. And Drew had plenty of laughs about Billy Eichner’s new gay rom-com, Bros.

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Notes from the TV Team

+ We didn’t get to see much of Nova this week on Queen Sugar but we do get a return appearance from Brian Michael Smith as Ralph Angel’s childhood friend, Toine. A lot’s changed since we last saw him: he’s married, he’s left the police force, he’s co-directing an LGBT center and he’s a brand new daddy. An actual daddy not just a daddy daddy. It was very cute. — Natalie

+ Niecy Nash’s new show, The Rookie: Feds, premiered this week. In it, Nash plays Simone Clark, a high school guidance counselor who becomes the FBI’s oldest rookie…and while there wasn’t much time spent on her personal life, we know Simone’s bisexuality will be part of this show in the future. The show strains credulity at points but it’s salvaged by Nash’s unrelenting charm.

One unexpected moment from the debut? The introduction of another queer character. Elena, the tech support for Simone’s FBI team. I’m excited for Simone to have her own Baby Gay to mentor/corrupt. — Natalie

+ New/Returning shows over the next week: Queer for Fear (Shudder), The Equalizer (CBS), Station 19 (ABC) and Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) — Natalie

+ Not much to report from Big Sky episode 302: The Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep. I never watched Supernatural so I’m not necessarily a Jensen Ackles girlie but when Beau was sitting around chatting with Jenny and Cassie, I couldn’t help but recite one of my favorite TV mantras: When in doubt, throuple it out! — Valerie Anne

+ She-Hulk 107: The Retreat was a dating episode but alas we still don’t know who Nikki has been going on dates with. The vibe of the episode was very, “If you don’t like me at my Jen, you don’t deserve me at my She-Hulk,” and I’m starting to think no man is worthy of She-Hulk. — Valerie Anne

+ This week on Star Trek: Lower Decks, Beckett meets Jennifer’s friends and it goes exactly as well as you think it will. It’s perfect and hilarious and I am just loving these two together. — Heather

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NCIS: Hawai’i 202: “Blind Curves”

Written by Natalie

The last time Kate Whistler and Lucy Tara tried to make a relationship work, Kate didn’t want anyone to know. She’d never been the most expressive person anyway and, besides, she had her career to consider. But this is a different Kate — a Kate that’s truly in love — and all she wants to do now is tell the world about it, starting with her boss.

The admission catches Lucy completely off-guard but when Kate tells her there’s an FBI barbecue coming up that she wants to bring her along to, Lucy’s sold. There is one catch, though, Kate admits: she could be removed from her role as NCIS liaison if her boss feels like it could be a conflict of interest. Before they can talk more about it, Lucy’s called away on a case. She leaves Kate with a kiss and an assurance that she’s doing the right thing.

Or at least that’s what she tells Kate…because, inside, she’s freaking out a little. As she explains the situation to Jesse, Lucy begins to ponder all the what ifs — what if Kate can’t be the NCIS liaison, what if not working together drives them apart — but Jesse persuades her that they’ll adjust, whatever happens. He’s not surprised to hear that Kate’s worried too: even though she went “full Adele in front of [their] entire team but she wasn’t always that person.”

Later Kate stops by the NCIS office to drop off some information about a suspect and Jesse takes her presence as proof that her work with the team will continue. She acknowledges that her boss found no conflict — she just has fill out a form to disclose the relationship — but laments that her boss assumed the NCIS Special Agent she was dating was a man and she didn’t correct him. Jesse assures Kate that the bad assumption was her boss’ fault, not hers, and she shouldn’t worry about it. Apparently, Jesse’s making a play for Ernie’s spot as captain of the Kacy ship. I approve.

Before they head to the FBI barbecue, Kate explains what happened with her boss, including his expectation that Kate will be showing up with a man. Lucy’s surprised but she assures Kate that everything will be fine. Kate remains unconvinced. But it’s just her nerves talking — Kate’s never introduced a girlfriend to her co-workers before — and Lucy promises to be by her side throughout every awkward moment.

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9-1-1 602: “Crash & Learn”

Written by Natalie

On her first day at Station 118, Henrietta Wilson’s then-captain introduced her to the firefighters as a “diversity hire.” They hadn’t even bothered to take to the ping pong table out of the makeshift woman’s locker room but, if she lasted a week, they assured her they’d move it. Over time, Hen would prove that she belonged but when Bobby gives her a shot to temporarily sit in the Captain’s chair — the same chair from which her then-captain was ousted because of his abuse — Hen can’t pass it up.

But should she? Absolutely. With her regular shifts, medical school, and her family all demanding her attention, Hen should absolutely say no to a thing that promises her more work. But she doesn’t; instead, she assures Chimney that she’s got this: utilizing her insane time management skills, she can find a way to balance it all.

Hen leads the team on calls, she splits her downtime between filling out paperwork and studying her notecards. She sets reminders to alert her of when to focus on another subject. She eats and grabs sleep whenever and wherever she can. For a while, it seems like it works — maybe Henrietta Wilson really can have it all — but then it doesn’t. She struggles through her neurology exam and on the drive home afterwards, she falls asleep at the wheel. She narrowly avoids an accident and while that should spark a realization in Hen, she just keeps trudging forward.

At the next call, though, things start to fall apart, literally and figuratively. The collapse of a walkway at a Happiness convention (oh, the irony) forces the interim captain to redirect resources from a dying man to a young convention staffer with a greater chance of survival. The man’s death weighs heavily on Buck and Hen…and when he can’t figure out the dying man’s declaration, Buck turns to Hen for the answers. She always has the answers, he notes. But Hen doesn’t…not this time and not lately…including, unfortunately, on that neurology exam. Hen returns home and realizes that she forgot to pick up her son for his robotics meet. Karen was there to pick up the slack but for Hen, it’s just another thing she’s failed at. Finally, the dam breaks and Hen dissolves into tears in front of her wife.

After a nap, Hen tells Karen the truth: she can’t do this anymore. Her failed neurology final means she might have to repeat her second year in med school. She admits that these last few weeks have almost killed her. Karen assumes she’s being hyperbolic but when Hen explains about the near accident, she puts her foot down: Hen has to chose between being a doctor and being a firefighter.

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New Amsterdam 502: “Hook, Line, and Sinker”

Written by Natalie

A few minutes into this week’s episode of New Amsterdam, Lauren Bloom runs into Mark Walsh in the hall. Not today, he says. Casey’s out of town and he won’t take his place as Lauren’s gossip buddy. He urges her to talk to literally anyone else in the Emergency Department. But, of course, Lauren is undeterred and shares her gossip anyway.

“Speaking of our department, Leyla’s visa finally got approved which means — drumroll please — she’s finally moving out of my apartment and into her own place,” Lauren explains. She says it with zero affectation in her voice. No sadness, no anger, no emotion at all really…she just says it, as if it’s just an ordinary thing. And just like that, Leyla and Lauren’s relationship — both personal and professional, presumably — is over.

It’s not a surprise that it’s over: I concluded as much last week and New Amsterdam‘s showrunner, David Schulner, confirmed it in an interview with TV Line. He said, “We told their story for two seasons, and they changed each other in such profound ways.”

Profound? Really? What about the way that this show ended their relationship felt profound? You wouldn’t know, watching this episode, that Lauren and Leyla were once deeply in love. You wouldn’t know, watching this episode, that Leyla brought another woman into Lauren’s home. You wouldn’t know, watching this episode, that Leyla owes Lauren a substantial amount of money (ah, the old white savior trope). Lauren’s not given any space to have feelings about any of it; their relationship was treated like something that didn’t matter. It was not profound, it was cheapened.

And, in a great bit of television irony, Lauren’s journey to collect her things to move back into her Leyla-free apartment takes her to her sister’s apartment…a sister played by Kathryn Prescott AKA Emily Fitch AKA the Queen of queer storylines cheapened by showrunners who thought they were doing something profound. Maybe the actresses can commiserate together.

(Note: To be clear, I’m not objecting to the break-up. They should’ve broken up and I’ve said as much. I’m objecting to the how of it all.)

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Vampire Academy 106: “Molnija”

Written by Valerie Anne

In the wake of the training exercise gone wrong, the overall mood of the titular vampire academy is bleak, despite the fact that they’re getting ready for a Royal Tour which is basically another excuse for rich fancy vampires to show off how rich and fancy they are. As Mia gets ready to leave, Sonya encourages Mia to spend as much time with Meredith as she can before it’s too late. But then Meredith gets in trouble for unauthorized use of magic and can’t go on the tour at all. Instead she gets an archaic punishment and gets her hands branded. Yikes!

It’s probably for the best she didn’t go, because on the way back from one party, Lissa and Meredith’s caravan gets trapped in a tunnel by strigoi. The Royals have worked hard to paint these vamps as wild animals with no critical thinking skills and no pack mentality, but I think what we’ve learned here is that they can plan and cooperate and target their attacks, so they better stop underestimating them.

During the attack, Meredith gets slashed and Lissa tries to single-handedly save us from a Bury Your Gays trope but is pulled away before she can heal her. When Mia hears Meredith was hurt, she drops her magic lesson in a heartbeat to be by her side. And luckily, Meredith’s injuries weren’t life-threatening, so she can gaze softly into Mia’s eyes as she says any punishment is worth it if it means protecting Meredith.

And taking her sister’s advice, Mia wastes no more time and kisses Meredith, who happily kisses her back. It’s very sweet and cute and even though Mia wasn’t my favorite in the first few episodes, I’ve grown rather fond of this lost little wannabe princess and her knight in shining tactical gear.

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Monarch 103: “Show Them Who You Are, Baby”

Written by Heather

Hahahaha! Okay. Oh, man, okay. So. This week Gigi sees Nicky clomping around in a pair of Dottie’s old cowboy boots at, like, Tanya Tucker’s costume shop? I don’t know, it’s unclear where they are. Some kind of Country Queen warehouse where I guess Tanya and Reba and Dolly and Martina and Dottie keep their old clothes? Gigi demands that Nicky take those things right off her feet right this second, so she can take them home and flash back to the time she was clomping around in them as a child and Dottie demanded she take them off because YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE ME NOTHING LIKE ME, etc. Gigi punctuates the flashback by hurling the boots at the wall, where they shatter and reveal A THUMB DRIVE THAT WAS STASHED IN THE BOOT HEEL. (Too PLL to function.) She pops it into her laptop and uncovers a song about how Alibe cheated on Dottie, which Nicky simply cannot believe. Their marriage was perfect! Perfect! Gigi says that everyone besides her beloved wife cheats, so she’s not too surprised.

Nicky invites Kayla (said beloved wife) out to lunch to tell her she knows she’s sleeping with Luke. Kayla has absolutely zero chill about this. She keeps saying she loves Gigi, doesn’t want to hurt her, values their marriage above everything, please don’t tell, oh please. While she’s doing this pleading, she’s not: eating sushi, or: drinking sake. Nicky correctly surmises that her sister’s wife is pregnant with her brother’s baby and if you ever thought you’d live to see this day on a country music soap, no you did not. Nicky says she’ll handle it. I have no idea what that means, and honestly neither does she at this point, but Nicky’s clearly going to be following in her mama’s flame-throwing footsteps any day now.

Luckily Gigi remains blissfully unaware of her wife’s infidelity, which means she has the time and energy to make an absolute meal out of Lizzo’s “Juice” and Willie Nelson’s “Always On My Mind.” Beth Ditto remains 100% the best part of this show and my own personal (fictional) queen of country music. I especially loved this week how she said, with a straight face, “Well. Mama made you kill her.”

Boobs on Your Tube: NCIS: Hawai’i Delights in its Queer Honeymoon Phase

Hey did you see Dani’s shout out on Late Night With Seth Meyers this week? Very cool! And a perfect way to get back into the swing of FALL TEVEE! Also this week, Riese made an essential list called 42 TV Shows With Lesbian, Bisexual and Queer Characters Cancelled After One Season and updated us on the latest news from the set of The L Word: Generation Q. Kayla reviewed the very adorable new Aussie teen show Heartbreak High. And Sa’iyda reviewed Viola Davis’ The Woman King. 

Notes from the TV Team:

+ 9-1-1 returned this week and, already, Henrietta Wilson has a lot on her plate: a family, medical school and an intense job at Station 118. In fact, she’s so wrapped up in studying for her finals that she forgets about her lunch plans with Athena until her best friend shows up at her door with takeout. But despite the demands of her current rotation, when Bobby dangles the possibility of Hen becoming Interim Captain while he’s on his honeymoon, she jumps at the chance. She relishes having gone from the person no one expected to be a firefighter to someone who’s capable of being a captain. — Natalie

+ I was hard-pressed to imagine the second season of Reservation Dogs would match its freshman run — one of my favorite debuts in recent memory — but with each new episode, I wonder if its sophomore run might actually exceed it. Grappling with grief continues to be the show’s through line but this week’s episode, “Offering,” added so many layers to it: how grief can upend our lives and how our past can heal our present. It’s really, really beautiful and makes for one of my favorite episodes of television this year. — Natalie

+ Home Economics returned this week and the biggest news is that Denise and Sarah are still trying to have a baby (actress Caitlin McGee is currently pregnant, so I predict a third child for Denise and Sarah very soon) and arguing over the merits of public vs private school while the family takes a day vacation paid promo to Disneyland. Nothing groundbreaking, but it’s sweet and fun. Sometimes that’s enough. — Carmen

+ On Raising Kanan, Jukebox took a backseat so that we can learn more about Detective Burke and her ex-girlfriend, who’s about to once again become her current girlfriend. I appreciate that Raising Kanan has multiple lesbian regular characters, still a rarity in most TV but Detective Burke is irritating (in her defense, she’s supposed to be) so it’s hard to get excited for her. This week’s episode had what I’m pretty sure is the first lesbian sex scene in the Power Universe, which is something, but for a show that’s as famous for its sex as it is for its violence, it was surprisingly a complete snooze. — Carmen

+ New/Returning shows over the next week: Reasonable Doubt (Hulu), The Rookie: Feds (ABC) and Welcome to Flatch (FOX). — Natalie

+ Hello I’m here to report that I am officially ON the Big Sky beat. The cute baby gays from early S2 are gone, and trans woman Jerrie is currently on an off-screen mission, and somehow Jenny and Cassie are still not together, but Reba is here and even though Jensen Ackles and Luke Mitchell are threatening my newest crackship, I have my eyes peeled for queer activity. — Valerie Anne

+ For a brief second in this week’s episode of She-Hulk I thought Nikki and Mallory were going to date but then Mallory mentioned she’s been married for a long time so alas, not in the cards just yet. However, in this episode trans actress Patti Harrison played Jen’s old friend who asked her to be a bridesmaid and she was a delight. — Valerie Anne

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NCIS: Hawai’i 201: “Prisoners’ Dilemma”

Written by Natalie

Personally, things could not have started off more blissful for Kacy on NCIS: Hawai’i: Kate awakens to breakfast in bed from her thoughtful girlfriend. Lucy might’ve overdone it on breakfast — every thing is bigger in her native Texas, she reminds Kate, including breakfast — but the couple is the picture of domestic bliss. Professionally, however, is another story, as a terrorist from the mainland (Herman Maxwell) makes his way to Hawai’i and threatens to attack a global military training exercise (RIMPAC) being held on the island.

The couple get to work together: first, scouring the crowds at RIMPAC, looking for Maxwell’s sympathizers and then working with Ernie to find out more about the terrorist’s past. They provoke a new line of thought for Ernie and, as he hunts for answers online, he asks Lucy and Kate to talk…to give him some white noise to help him focus.

Because Ernie is the captain of the Kacy ship, the couple opts to share news of their relationship. The things that they’ve learned about each other are absolutely adorable and they both agree that their relationship is working. Thanks to all their “happy talk,” Ernie calms his brain enough to figure out a connection between Maxwell and a college professor visiting the island. The team pulls the professor in but he doesn’t recognize Maxwell’s picture.

Ernie asks Lucy and Kate for more white noise but this time, Kate refuses to “talk about how much [she] loves Lucy” in front of the professor. Lucy smiles at the inadvertent acknowledgement and it’s just enough white noise for Ernie to de-age Maxwell’s picture, sparking recognition in the professor. The team’s able to use the information from the professor to help bring down Maxwell and keep everyone on the island safe.

After work, the couple settle in at home, celebrate a job well done and lean fully into their honeymoon phase. It’s saccharine sweet and looks to continue next week.

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Queen Sugar 702: “Slowly And Always Irregularly”

Written by Natalie

Nova slinks back into her home, rousing Dominic from his nap on the couch. She’s been out all night — talking to Mo about the council meeting, supporting Miss Parthena following the eviction from her farm and then strategizing with Mo about what to do next — and she neglected to call her boyfriend and update him on the situation. What makes the situation particularly frustrating for Dominic is that Nova’s solution — hosting a ring shout at the farm — is right in his wheelhouse as a cultural anthropologist. In fact he’s taking a group of students on a “field trip” to the Sudan next week to learn more about the origins of the ring shout. Nova is impressed by Dominic’s display of nerdery.

To recruit a crowd for the ring shout, Nova reaches out to her ex-girlfriend, Chantal. She’s glad to help, of course, but wonders why she’s here and not Nova’s “new boo.” When Nova can’t offer a legitimate explanation, Chantal fills in the gap for her.

“You’re still doing that thing,” Chantal acknowledges. “That thing where you pull away the moment your love life is working and you turn to everyone but your partner because you’re scared of depending on them.”

Wounded by the righteousness of that read, Nova apologizes for Chantal having had to deal with her rough edges back then. She hopes that the ring shout is another way to make amends. Nova emphasizes that Dominic is amazing but admits there are parts of herself — the rawest parts of herself — that she doesn’t feel comfortable letting him see. Chantal encourages Nova to let Dominic in…to let him see her, warts and all. They clasp hands and, of course, Dominic catches them in that intimate moment.

Chantal and Dominic settle into an easy rapport (“he’s an upgrade from the white cop,” she snarks) but Dominic is clearly unnerved by the space she and Mo claim in Nova’s life…a space to which he doesn’t have access. Later, in bed, he admits his worry to Nova and she tries to reassure him. She promises that he’s the only one who gets all of her.

We’ll see how well that promise holds up while Dominic’s out of town.

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New Amsterdam 501: “TBD”

Written by Natalie

I am sympathetic to shows forced to contend with a central cast member’s abrupt departure. Writers have to turn on a dime and find a way to hasten that exit that honors the actor and the show’s narrative. It’s a difficult task that’s rarely done well (see: Callie and Alex’s exits on Grey’s Anatomy) but it’s no one’s fault, that’s just the nature of the business. But I have no such sympathy for the writers of New Amsterdam.

This show has known, since the end of its third season, that Freema Agyeman was not long for this world. They were gifted a fourth season with Agyeman and, instead of winding it down in a way that would usher Helen Sharpe off the canvas sensibly, they gave us this episode. An hour of gaslighting BS. Now, granted, I don’t usually concern myself with what the straights are doing but: 1. a lot of the queer women who watch New Amsterdam started watching for Freema Agyeman and 2. bad writing is like a fungus, it spreads.

And, sure enough, that fungus spread over nearly ever aspect of New Amsterdam‘s season premiere.

It’s been months since Lauren let go of her money, her apartment, and her relationship to ensure that Leyla could settle her visa issues and, in the interim, she’s been couch surfing. Why does a character we know is wealthy need to couch surf? Who knows, but it does give the show the opportunity for some misdirection with Floyd and Lauren. The pair wind up in bed together because Floyd’s couch triggers Lauren’s sciatica.

He pushes her to go back to her apartment — she lives in a two-bedroom, after all — but Lauren knows if she goes back while Leyla’s still there, they’ll just fall back into bed together. Better her bed than his, Floyd notes, before telling Lauren that she’s gotta go. When Floyd stands firm, Lauren scours the ED for another place to lay her head. Ultimately, though, she bites the bullet and heads back to her apartment.

Leyla opens the door — the show’s lone remaining South Asian character being sidelined in an episode that features a Bollywood storyline is an odd choice — and seems taken aback by the suggestion that Lauren move into the spare bedroom. But, of course, she agrees. First, though, Leyla has to tell her something. But before Leyla can get the words out, another woman slides up next to her and drapes her arm across Leyla’s shoulders. Lauren just stands there, smiling awkwardly, at this threshold of her own apartment, as this stranger (Bix, played by Jamie Abbott AKA Kate McKinnon’s better half) says, “oh, you must be Lauren.”

It almost doesn’t matter to me who the stranger is — if she’s Leyla’s new hook-up or just a friend — but to have her in Lauren’s apartment without having asked Lauren first? MESSY…and it’s messy in a way that Leyla’s character has never been. And, gosh, the optics of it all? It’s bad…so very bad. But it might not be an issue for long: it looks as though Shiva Kalaiselvan has been bumped from recurring to guest star for the season. If so, this is a miserable ending for a story that began with so much promise.

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Vampire Academy 105: “Near Guard, Far Guard”

Written by Valerie Anne

This week, the Guardians are sent on a training mission, and while they’re out in the field setting up, as good-natured ribbing is being shared on all fronts, Rose teases Meredith about her crush on Mia, which Meredith defends by saying Mia has a heart…if you dig around for it…and also she’s not going to apologize for her heart, okay? And speaking of Mia, when it becomes clear that the Guardian trainees are in more danger than they bargained for, the Moroi come to their aid. Which means all four members of my two current ships (Rose, Lissa, Meredith, and Mia) are all on site trying to give me a big gay panic attack.

Luckily the pairs are equally as worried about each other as I am about them so they all protect each other and it’s cute. Mia even goes so far as to use her magic to strangle one of the snobby bullies and might have ended up going too far if Meredith hadn’t been there to talk her down.

Also, I know Meredith and Mia are canon into each other and that’s where my full shipping heart should rest, but it’s hard when things happen like Lissa’s eyes going black from the darkness of tapping into her powers and then Rose’s going black, too because they’re so intrinsically linked. Besides, I can ship more than one couple on the same show. I contain multitudes!

Oh also, while all this was going on, Sophie single-handedly saved this show from burying a gay by healing her father of his fatal vampire disease, despite the toll it took on her.

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House of the Dragon, 105: “We Light The Way”

Written by, Shelli Nicole

Okay, so this episode had everyone in an actual tizzy. It’s wedding season and in this world of Westeros that has pretty much never ended well lol. Anyway, Rhaenyra and Ser Laenor Velaryon (who are cousins) are engaged. Rhaenyra doesn’t actually wanna get married but she has to and after going on a tour of dudes (and pre-teens) who wanna marry her, she settles on her cousin Laenor because he is the least terrible option. Here’s the thing tho — lol he’s gay — with a messy ass boyfriend at that. Pretty much everyone knows (his family thinks it’s a phase and that marriage will help, the rest of the kingdom turns a blind eye) including Rhaenyra.

She whole time doesn’t care because lol she is fucking her bodyguard (and lied to people about it including her new stepmother/old friend/maybe old crush Alicent). So on their walk by a dreary ass sea, she suggests they just help each other out. They will get married, fuck a few times to have a kid or 3 to make the kingdom happy, and keep up appearances and smiles. BUT behind closed doors they can actually fuck whoever they want, so he can keep his little boyfriend and she can keep banging bodyguards. He was like “oh shit forreal” and she was like “yeah, I literally don’t give a fuck lol” and they smile, laugh, and agree because they are cousins who actually dig each other and just have been dealt an odd hand.

Short lived happiness though because his boyfriend was messy as fuck at the wedding and decided to tell the bodyguard he knows his secret — and so the bodyguard beats his brains out. Like, actually beats his brains out in the middle of the engagement party and kills him. Rhaenyra is like “wait, what the actual fuck?” and Ser Laenor cries over his boo’s dead body all “omg baby WHYYYYYYY?!?” and because it all looks bad their parents rush the wedding and they get married like an hour later.

Time for TV math! We all know this world hates queers, Ser Laenor boyfriend (Ser Joffrey — yikes at the name), was introduced for the first time in the series in this episode at the 24 minute mark and then dies 34 minutes later. His total screen time (alive) that I added up was a bit under 3 minutes total. That’s including quick flashes of him and his messy looks, the 15 second conversation he has with his secret bf at the wedding, and his full introductory scene which was only about 1 minute and 16 seconds long. This death was unsurprising to me, as was his intro but it pissed off lots of folks who watch the show. It wasn’t unsurprising because I read the books or anything (I didn’t) just because I know this world has no intent to being kind to queers of any sort but yeah — that’s what happened this week in Gay Westeros Weekly.

P.S. no further actual dykin’ yet with Rhaenyra or Alicent but hey WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN we are only 5 episodes in!

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Monarch 102: “There Can Only Be One Queen”

Written by Heather

You know the end of the original Pretty Little Liars pilot when all the Liars huddle up around their beeping phones in their funeral dresses and read A’s first text out loud? “I’m still here, bitches, and I know everything!” You know that feeling you got when you watched that the first time? Like kinda spooked but also just absolutely delighted by how completely bonkers it was, and how committed the show was to being serious about it? Okay that’s the entire vibe of Monarch, a show that makes absolutely zero sense — yet! It is a glorious trashy delight. I honestly think it may also be the worst queer representation I’ve seen since like 2010. But! I don’t really expect it to last much longer than half a season, so I’m not sweating it too bad. We deserve pop culture trash too!

Anyway, this week is Dottie’s funeral. You think you know what’s coming, but you don’t. Because what’s coming is a hologram of Dottie, on stage, singing a duet of “Love Can Build a Bridge” with her sister, who hated her, and who had no idea that hologram was gonna pop up there next to her sister’s casket, holding a microphone with butterflies swirling around her head. The lead up to the funeral involves Gigi alternating between telling Nicky, “I can’t believe you murdered Mama!!!!” and “I hated Mama and you’re the only one in this family I can’t live without!” They also do a duet in the family’s piano/trophy shed, and Radar Online publishes an article that calls Gigi “The New Queen of Country Music.” She doesn’t want to take that title from her sister, but she wouldn’t mind taking it from her dead mom, whom she remembers, “Sent me to fat camp, and then gay camp, and then — one year, two-for-one — fat gay camp.”

And those are only the problems Gigi knows about. She has no idea her wife is cheating on her with her brother. (I told you it was terrible representation.) You know who does find out, though? Nicky. In fact, she spends a Gossip Girl amount of time stumbling over everyone’s secrets in this episode. Can’t wait to see what she does with them! I’m sure it will be as even more unhinged that what I’m imagining!

Beth Ditto, however, is a marvel on this show and I can’t wait to see where her acting career goes next.

Peacock’s “Vampire Academy” Teases a Queer Forbidden Romance

Just as a sneak preview of what I’m about to tell you about this show, an alternate title to this review could have been, “Vampire Academy teases a queer romance between a guardian and her charge…but it’s not who you thiiiiink.” (A la my new favorite Marvel superhero, Madisynn.)

As a teen drama about vampires, I knew for sure it had to be gay — especially because it was created by Julie Plec and Marguerite MacIntyre, who have given us queer supernaturals before — so when I hit play, the hunt began. And I thought I found them right away!! Two women standing in front of a mirror, passing a tiara back and forth and complimenting each other. A princess and her Guardian, dancing as equals while the rest of the court muttered about how inappropriate it is?? It’s the stuff of fanfic! “Oh this is going to be GAY gay,” I thought to myself, but I guess this is when it becomes clear that I never read the books or saw the original Vampire Academy movie. (I spent a long time being very anti- any vampire lore that wasn’t of the Buffyverse like a FOOL.) But alas, our main two girls, royal Moroi vampire Lissa and Dhampir Guardian vampire Rose are apparently NOT in love?? Even though they’re literally psychically connected and always top of each other’s minds. Even though their relationship is forbidden. Even though THEY ARE, IN FACT, IN LOVE. Eh hem.

In an effort to avoid exactly this problem, Lissa and Rose are almost immediately given male love interests (Rose actually gets two!) but it was too late, the damage was done. And now I’ll be forever sad with each passing episode that they don’t realize that they’re literally soulmates.

HOWEVER, just when I was about to issue the show a citation for unlawful lack of queerness in a vampire property, I caught A Look™. Mia, an ambitious socialite Moroi, and Meredith, a tough-as-nails Guardian, have a bit of a spark, their exchanges layered since they both tend to test boundaries using barbs. But something about the other softens each of them, and even though as of right now Mia and Meredith are mostly foils to Lissa and Rose, respectively, their moments have been meaningful enough that I can guess (or, at least hope) where this is headed, and I like it. Especially because “bitch who is a secret softie” is one of my favorite kinds of characters. And the idea of two of them together?? I don’t hate it! Mia’s ambitions were pretty strongly on being the next queen regent, and when circumstances stole that opportunity from her, she became a bit…adrift.

She mostly wandered around close behind Lissa, snarking at her whenever the opportunity presented. Her dads are busy and important, and her sister is…distracted. So it makes sense that Mia would be drawn to someone who sees her. Someone like Meredith.

Also possibly of note, Mia McKenna-Bruce, who plays Mia, is possibly queer; she has a rainbow emoji in her instagram bio, but she’s engaged to a man so I couldn’t find any posts on my admittedly shallow dive confirming it was a queer rainbow and not just…a nature rainbow, as it is next to some plant emojis. But she’s young and knows how to use the internet so I’m going to go ahead and assume she knows what that usually means and has it there purposefully. I also couldn’t find any hard proof about the actor who plays Meredith, Rhian Blundell, but in an interview with Gay Times, she said, “I did remember reading the characters and thinking, ‘Wow, what I would have given to see a story like that in a show like this,’” so I also feel comfortable assuming she’s queer until proven otherwise. Obviously it’s fine if these girls aren’t queer, but it’s always fun when actors are, so I’m just here to report the evidence! Do with it what you will.

Overall the first four episodes were very fun. It’s really hard to set up lore for a whole new supernatural universe, but they did so quickly; and honestly, they laid some of it out in a voiceover during the intro and I support that, because with words like Moroi and Dhampir and Strigoi, it’s helpful to have reminders during those first episodes. Moroi vampires also have magic, which is fun for me, someone who loves both vampires AND witches. There are mysteries to uncover and relationships to develop. And I love the blending of ancient tradition and modern technology; a lot of the rites and rules they have are from before the current queen’s almost 200-year reign even began, but some of their ceremonies are livestreamed for the entire Dominion. They have communes where women’s only roles are to be breeders (yikes!) but they also have an LCD scoreboard for Guardian rankings. They have gay marriage, at least for the Moroi royal families; specifically Mia and her sister Sonya’s dads. One of which is played by J. August Richards, aka Gunn from Angel, who just publicly came out as gay a few years ago.

I won’t lie to you, it stings a little, watching a mostly straight vampire show on the heels of the First Kill cancellation, a show I was well on my way toward making my entire personality. (Gay vampire + vampire hunter love story??? I’ll never forgive Netflix for this.) It also will never make any sense to me why all vampire shows don’t lean into the “all vampires are pansexual” rule; everything would be more interesting if everyone was a potential love interest for everyone else! BUT it seems this show will provide some queer-adjacent metaphors, with the younger generation of vampires pushing against archaic rules and fighting for their right to live the life they choose. To marry for love, to adapt to the times, and maybe, just maybe, discover magic in themselves they didn’t know was possible.

Who knows how deep this gay girl storyline will go, if we’ll get that juicy Moroi/Dhampir forbidden romance, or if it will jut be a cute side story, but either way, I think I’ll enjoy the ride.