On the Road Trip Tips: Taylor and Kelsey’s Winged Migration to San Francisco, Part 2

In lieu of recapping for you the most uneventful leg of our journey, we offer you what road trip wisdom we gleaned during the beginning of our epic coast to coast extravaganza. Our last installment left off with us going out-of-our-minds-crazy in Pennsylvania and then eventually hitting the road. And when we finally did, we started learning some invaluable Life Lessons, some the hard way, which is the way where you don’t watch a tutorial on YouTube.

After escaping the state of Pennsylvania, we set off for Charlotte, NC, home of a thing Kelsey is related to. We chose the rest of our route primarily based on where people would let us into their houses or sleep with us. Or ideally a combination of these two factors. Here’s what we’ve learned so far:

Road-side Yoga:

Open your hips, a woman with soft hair once told us. So we did. But seriously, your ass is going to hurt really, really bad after 8-13 hours on the road every day. So hop out of the car at  the next (not rapey) rest stop and confuse the rednecks and eurotrash with a little highway-side yoga. You’ll look weird, but at least it isn’t Tai Chi. (more…)

California Here We Come: Taylor and Kelsey’s Winged Migration to San Francisco, Part 1

PRE BLAST-OFF: ALLENTOWN, PA

So we had this plan, this plan of epic proportion, colossal even, to start our lives anew. At the end of August, we would take to the highway and transform into road-warriors, which are a more highly evolved being like on Ice Road Truckers.

We would dine exclusively out of modestly portioned ziploc bags and I wish Dippin’ Dots, but they don’t sell Dippin’ Dots in rest stops for reasons unclear. We would don our road-warrior uniforms, crumpled unidentifiable heaps of fabric excavated reluctantly from a back-seat and rule the passing lane with an iron fist and a pair of aviators. And we would do it for as long as it took. Which hopefully was around a week because probably we couldn’t do it for longer.

The time drew near. The last Saturday in August, Kelsey’s delightfully (?) overzealous agents of rearing insisted on throwing us a going away party. Naturally, there was a cake featuring a creative grocery store icing rendition of the Golden Gate bridge, and a lot of light beer and suburban gay sexual tension and pasta salad and what-have-you. It was a runaway success; it will probably be featured in Good Housekeeping, hearty slaps on the back all around.

Fast forward to whatever day we were supposed to leave, I think Monday. Kelsey’s mom breaks the news that a hurricane is about to absolutely devastate the fucking shit (her words) out of Stop Numero One-O, Wilmington, NC. And it’s name is Earl. Really?

The plan was to visit Lynn Real Last Name Unknown who is also called Scantron, probably because she excels at standardized testing. Lynn accessories with aplomb and does these things here, among other things elsewhere. Lynn also lives at the beach, and she’s neat and one time I made her eggs over medium in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Correct me if it was an omelette.

See, the thing is that I need to spend some time at the beach. Because I goddamn love it there. The ocean is vast and impossible and I like to wade out, slow and far. And I especially like it because if anyone tries to make me get out of the water I can just swim away from them, which is easy given that the coast is technically infinite.

So Kelsey and I are clearly lusting for the sand and the surf and the mixy in-between parts. We watch the Weather Channel. We endure the local-on-the-eights, every eight, and there are many. We track the Doppler until our eyes bleed, like in True Blood when the vampires feel sad. I weep myself to sleep for three days, and my soul kind of finally uncrosses its arms, and we decide fuck this shit, our hearts will go on and on. And they do.

Thursday morning we stuff Kelsey’s Mazda 6 to the proverbial gills with 100% of the objects-we-own-on-this-earth. Kelsey’s mom strategically pokes bottled water into all of the little holes between the bins and suitcases like we’re driving some kind of live-action game of Jenga. My teddy bear, Brown Bear, is all riding high in the backseat because he’s a great guy, and he’s been really patient through this whole process but like, he’s ready to get the fuck out of Pennsylvania. And so are we. The three of us just want to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life and stuff. And then we were off.

Long-Distance Flying 101: Music, Reading, Eating, Friend-Making, Drinking, Sleeping and Conquering Fears

You’ve probably heard by now that Autostraddle is throwing a little NYC Pride party called RODEO DISCO. I’m so keen to ride the mechanical bull that in a few short days [or hours] I’ll be boarding Oceanic flight 815 for the transpacific voyage from Sydney to New York, New York, via San Francisco.

It’s exciting and all but there’s a thing, and the thing is that this’ll the first time in forever I’ll be making this journey without the comforts of Business class. Cry me a river, right? Slipping into soft, airline-issue flannel pajamas, reclining into a 180 degree position and drifting off into a deep 12-hr slumber is no longer my reality. It begs the question, what the f*ck am I going to do for 14 hours?

I thought I’d turn to a few of Autostraddle’s frequent flyers and also you, for suggestions for constructive ways I can pass time once my iPod battery inevitably dies somewhere over Vanuatu. I mean this could help us all, right? It’s summertime in half of the world, maybe you’re on a Greyhound home for the holidays or maybe you’ve got an air ticket to someplace tropical warm and nice.

from Riese

In-flight Reading:

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I love long flights because that’s when I can catch up on reading! Seriously!

Magazines

Firstly, if you’re a magazine person, be careful what magazines you bring on board, and by that I mean do not support the evil empire of US Weekly or People or Glamour. Any of those magazines will take about 10-15 minutes to finish, and then you’ll be sitting there for 13 hours and 45 minutes wondering if stars really are just like us/where are the peanuts/is the fan blowing in your face or everyone’s face.

If you are smart and plan ahead here are some magazines you could find at a Barnes & Noble/Borders/local bookseller no matter where you live in the USA (I hope!) :

Bitch: Feminist response to pop culture
The Believer: “A monthly magazine where length is no object. We give books and people the benefit of the doubt”
New York Magazine: “I live in New York, New York, the city that never shuts up”
GOOD: For people who want to live well and do Good
Curve: (lesbians)
Poets & Writers: From Inspiration to Publication
BUST: For Women With Something to Get Off Their Chest
Paste: The Best New Music, Movies, TV, Games and Books
Adbusters: Journal of the Mental Environment
Mental Floss: Where Knowledge Junkies Get Their Fix
Utne Reader: Alternative Coverage of Politics, Culture, and New Ideas.

The airport isn’t the best place to get good readable magazines with lots of words in them that’ll keep you captivated. BUT if you end up with generic airport-staple Hudson News as your only air-travel magazine supplier, you’re going to have very mainstream choics. Of those, I’d recommend  WIRED, Harper‘s, The Atlantic, Women’s Health, Outside, Esquire, Vanity Fair (depending on what stories are in it that month, it’s very hit or miss) or Rolling Stone.

Allure is another hit-or-miss: they sometimes feature some great personal essays, and once upon a time their editor was out lesbian Lindsy Van Gelder, who wrote this book The Girls Next Door: Into the Heart of Lesbian America, which every lesbian should buy and read and underline RIGHT NOW, maybe even for the plane. But sometimes it’s just a lot of stuff about lipstick I can’t afford.

Also, New York Magazine has the best crossword puzzles, IMHO. AND I don’t know how easy it is to find outside of NY, but n+1 is a great new literary magazine worth a look! Oh hay, what’s that BOUND magazine has Nicole Pacent on the cover? Better get that baby on your iPad.

BOOKS

The last time I flew to Australia, I read Memoirs of a Geisha, by Arthur Golden, which my Mom told me was creepy b/c a dude wrote it in the voice of a geisha and what kind of man would be so obsessed with geishas to want to write a book as a Geisha.  But this was in 1999 before I took misogyny seriously because I was 17 and had been living on Slim-Fast bars and Boca Burgers and bananas for six months for no apparent reason so what did I know, I liked the book.

The time before that time I flew to Australia, I read Little Girls in Pretty Boxes: The Making and Breaking of Elite Gymnasts and Figure Skaters about gymnasts and figure skaters and how they have to be perfect and all have eating disorders and take loads of painkillers. I don’t know I fucking loved that shit. I’d read it again right now.

Although I’m actually more a fan of essay collections/short stories/etc than I am of novels, I think airplanes are better suited to novels because you really have the time to DIG IN and get wrapped up in the voice. And a long plane ride is a good time for a long novel, unless you don’t plan to spend the whole thing high on coke so that you can be awake to stop the hijackers, as I often am because of my repeating Al Queda nightmares.

Some of my favorite novels with voices you can really get lost in (I have excluded weirdo books in favor of books I feel anyone could enjoy):

Prep: A Novel by Curtis Sittinfeld — I know I went to boarding school and therefore especially relate, but also this was a bestseller soooooo clearly it has universal appeal.

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle: A Novel by Haruki Murakami — It’s magical and quiet and compelling but complicated and quick and has a serious emotional atmosphere best read in large chunks.

Tipping the Velvet: A Novel by Sarah Waters — Have you read this yet? If not, you’re a bad lesbian.

Two or Three Things I Know for Sure, by Dorothy Allison — It’s a short one, so there’s still time to nap afterwards! I just want you to read this so we can talk about it.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. Best book of 2008, bitches.

Who Will Run the Frog Hospital by Lorrie Moore — Lorrie Moore is one of my favorite authors. She’s best at short story writing, but this bestseller is a brief & delightful novel that captures the intricacies of teenage friendship.

If you’re looking for something lighter…

I honestly would recommend Chely Wright’s Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer. I’m about halfway through and it’s actually quite fascinating! The voice is super-readable and you know, it’s gay! She’s been struggling with her sexuality since she was like 4. Read it!

I know I said I wasn’t going to tell you to read an essay collection but HAHAHA now I am. Read My Misspent Youth: Essays by Meghan Daum or OF COURSE And the Heart Says Whatever by Emily Gould.

Or you could try the queer girl YA novels that Laneia and I read for you (also, Part Two)!

AND I had a day (you know A DAY) a few weeks ago when I saw an ad for Kelly Cutrone’s book If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You on Jezebel and I was like, omg, that is what I need in my life! I need to be inspired from the inside by Kelly Cutrone! And I was totally right. I did need that book and I loved it.

from Laneia

In-flight Reading & Snacking:

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My favorites are art and literary magazines / journals. Reading, especially on planes, makes me sleepy, so I like to bring things that have short little blurbs and stories that’ll keep me interested and awake because I dislike sleeping in public. Favorites:

Broken Pencil: It’s a magazine about zines and other fun indie artistic stuff! And it’s from Canada!
Bomb: “Conversations between artists, writers, actors, directors, musicians – since 1981.” Fancy, right?
The Normal School: Lit magazine that’s really really good and has a lot of white space, so it’s calming to flip through.
Keyhole: My favorite is the Handwritten Issue (#5). If you order from their website, they’ll include little gifts. I got a mini book called “A Field of Colors” by Charles Lennox and it was really good and a little sad, which I always like.
Blue Canvas: This is an art journal that features indie artists and their work, with a couple of interviews thrown in for good measure. You’ll dig it.
Doris: an Anthology of Zines & Other Stuff 1991 – 2001: I think you should take this book with you everywhere. It’ll probably change your life. One time, I copied some text from this book and put it on my blog for Riese. I also like this a lot: “But one thing I can say, one thing that confuses me, in a way, I really don’t understand boredom. I don’t get it. There is too much to do. Too many things to explore. Beautiful and ugly art to make, dictionaries to read, and history and theory to study and everything. […] Right now boredom is the thing I can tolerate the least. Boring is my worst insult.”

Snacks:
I tend to overpack when it comes to snacks because once you get into the habit of packing diaper bags, which must include one of every item in your house, it’s hard to go back. I can’t stress enough the importance of fiber and water when traveling.

This is for real what I would take on a 14-hr flight:

pre-packaged peanut butter & crackers (3)
apple (1)
container of mandarin oranges (2)
pretzels
mozzarella string cheese (3)
fruit leather (7)
carrot sticks (possibly with a side of peanut butter, depending on how much room I had)
bran muffin (1)
1/2 sandwich (cucumber, tomato, avocado, spinach, sprouts, pepper jack & cream cheese on whole wheat)

homemade trail mix:
banana chips
pumpkin seeds
cashews
sunflower seeds
sesame sticks
chopped dried mango

Also, several travel-sized bottles (suitable for shampoo, etc.) filled with vodka.

from taylor

In-flight Advice for Adventurers:

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My advice is mainly for alcoholics. Well, let’s call them ‘adventurers’– that’s sounds a lot more hip and approachable. My advice is also for people who are f*cking terrified of flying, as I believe Natalie’s is. About 4 years ago fate decided to piss on me, and I suddenly developed a phobia of flying OUT OF NOWHERE. I’d been flying (alone) since I was six (because broken homes make your kids fly alone) but I began to obsess over flying constantly. I’d strategize about how I could avoid needing to fly (I couldn’t) but eventually I created a viable set of defense measures so I could grin and bear it. And now I kind of love them. I have a whole set of weird airport rituals to look forward to now every time I go anywhere.

So yeah, I can’t recommend what gadgets or what-have-you you should be tweaking out with on a plane like a good tech editor should. That’s because to me, a successful flight is an unconscious flight. And this is ESPECIALLY important during take-off, also known as panic attack o’ clock.

My advice is this: spend time in airport bars! Maybe I just love collecting unsavory characters, but airport bars are seriously my favorite places on earth. That probably says a lot about me. Things to know:

1. Be prepared to always be the youngest person there. (Especially if you have to get by with a fake ID, like I before I got my act together and went to a psychiatrist all those years ago. And they’ll never cross-reference the name on your boarding pass. Don’t worry, even though that seems like some kind of federal crime).

2. You meet the most amazing weirdos in airport bars. That’s because these people are 100% unironic. The bartender is usually some wayward Irish or otherwise European dude who somehow found his way to employment behind a shitty American airport bar, but he’s usually really genuine and wears arm-garters in an also unironic goofy way that’s kind of endearing. If your bartender’s a lady, her face will most likely be falling off and she’ll smell like Virginia Slims. But she’ll warm up to you.

So yeah. My advice is this: get fucking trashed. It goes like so:

1. Find the bar closest to your gate, so you won’t miss your flight like an asshole. The more awful-looking, the better. You can’t find anti-irony just anywhere.

2. Sit at the bar, you know, so you can socialize. That’s the point.

3. Order beer on tap, something light so you can drink a lot of it. Sam Adams is usually pretty standard and not bad. It’s a cheesy airport bar so they’ll have an option to “upsize”– do that.

4. Make friends. Bare your soul. You’re never gonna see these people again. They will tell you stories beyond your wildest dreams in exchange. Also, you can reinvent yourself. Tell them you’re a Senator, a shaman– whatever you want. These are honest people. They’ll love it.

5. If you’re not feeling the beer or you’ve had your fill, order red wine. DO NOT drink the Cabernet Sauvignon and DO NOT call it the “cab.” It will be awful. Drink anything but that and have the red as close to your boarding call as possible– it’s the best for the kind of blissful unconsciousness we’re trying to procure.

6. Make plans to stay in touch with these unlikely friends you’ve collected, but DO NOT exchange contact information. It’s a purer kind of staying in touch.

7. You should be drunk by now. If you’re not, order another glass of red and down it. If you can’t hold your booze don’t do that– the TSA probably frowns upon what could happen. Now you only have to be sober enough to execute two remaining tasks: a) listen for your boarding call so you can run like a bat outta hell to the bathroom (this is key) and b) board and successfully find your seat without inadvertently sexually assaulting anyone in the aisle.

8. You’re done! Your anxiety will seem remote and harmless now. Imagine your new unironic friends on a tropical island that you’ll never, ever return to. Crystallize this moment in your mind. Visualize a sea of these unsung heroes dotted along the coast, a vast hypnotic anemone of hands waving goodbye to you, farther and farther now, peppered with arm-garters.

NEXT PAGE:
Natalie’s airplane survival tips, Crystal’s in-flight music picks, & Alex gives you comfort.

Dinah Shore Weekend 2010: Lesbian Events, Parties & Concert Schedule

As you may or may not know, Dinah Shore is a monumental lesbian weekend occurring annually in Palm Springs, California. It is commonly referred to as “lesbian spring break.” Last year, when we’d only existed for a few weeks, we remotely live-blogged the star-studded event (Design Director Alex happened to be going, Riese transcribed while visiting family in Ohio)and this year we’ll all be there. It’s happening March 31st through April 4th. So get your carpool together!

Feel overwhelmed? Well look no further, we have a full schedule of all the events happening at Club Skirts‘ and GirlBar‘s legendary weekend and Alex made a terrific map of Palm Springs to guide you through Dinah Shore weekend. There are definitely more hotels and restaurants and things in this area of Palm Springs, we just noted the places we like and thought you should know about:

Club Skirts events shown in magenta.
GirlBar events shown in light blue.

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The Clib Skirts Dinah All-Access pass and the GirlBar Girl Passes gets you into all parties for the weekend. Here’s a tip: don’t buy each ticket for the events the day of or at the door. The All-Access and Girl Passes are the way to go for sure.

Here’s the Autostraddle schedule for the weekend:
(derived from Club Skirts’ The Dinah and GirlBars’ Dinah Shore Week websites, where you can find a more elaborate version.)

But let’s cut to the chase, these are the most important events of your weekend:

1. Battle of the Lesbian Webseries: Saturday April 3rd, 4:30PM – 5:30PM at The Hilton Palm Springs. Featuring Autostraddle’s Nat Garcia, the ladies of We Have to Stop Now, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard of Autostraddle’s In Your Box Office as well as the stars of your favorite series Anyone But Me and Girltrash!

2. Salt ‘n Pepa: Saturday April 3rd,  9 PM. Preceded by Fashion Show featuring Autostraddle’s Nat Garcia as well as Meredith Baxter, Suzanne Westenhoefer, Thea Gill (Queer as Folk), Elizabeth Keener (The L Word), and cast members from We Have to Stop Now.

3. Sarah Shahi! The one & only Carmen De LA Pica Morales will be facing her lesbian fans with a special signing and meet-and-greet on Friday night! Furthermore Ke$ha the Bisexual Pop Star who sings Tik Tok & Bla Bla Bla, who btw was in an episode of The Simple Life when she was a teenager which is funny, is also performing at the Club Skirts White Diamond Party.

4. Thursday Night is Comedy Night, and friends of Autostraddle including Erin Foley, Nicol Paone, Gloria Bigelow and Suzanne Westenhoefer will be performing.

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1. Kelis performs and Celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson does her thing at the Friday Night Pure White Party (more information below.)

2. Jennifer Coolidge, who you know from Legally Blonde, American Pie and all the Christopher Guest movies, is hosting a fundraiser for the HRC on Saturday night at Hotel Zoso! Doors at 7:30pm, show at 8:30pm. 100% of the net proceeds go to benefit the HRC.

3. Orianthi is Michael Jackson’s guitarist, she’s super cute, and she’s performing at GirlBar’s SplashDance Pool Party on Sunday.

4. Kelly Rowland, formerly of Destiny’s Child, will be performing on Saturday night at Girlbar’s Circus-a-Go-Go!

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Wednesday 3.31

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Club Skirts Early Bird Cocktail Dinah Pre-Party

The Hilton Hotel’s Nightclub // 8pm-12 AM

Join other early birds at this sexy meet and greet and meet some of Dinah’s talent.
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Girlbar Cocktails Meet & Greet

Renaissance Palm Springs // Pool Terrace // doors open at 8 PM

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Thursday 4.1

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Club Skirts Dinah Opening Bash

Zeldaz Nightclub //10pm
169 N. Indian Canyon Way (walking distance from Hilton or Hyatt)

Kicking off the weekend with two rooms, two dancefloors (cause one isn’t enough) and outside patio.

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GirlBar Opening Kick-Off Night Dance

Hunter’s Video & Dance Club // doors open 8pm

Start the weekend at Palm Springs’ most popular dance club.

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Club Skirts – LOLz! Dinah-Style [Laughing Loud]

The Palm Springs Convention Center // Doors 8pm, Show 9pm

An evening of comedy featuring some of our very favorite funny ladies: Suzanne Westenhoefer, Vicki Shaw, Erin Foley, Bridget McManus, Sandra Vals, Gloria Bigalow, Jenny McNulty and Nicol Paone.

Tickets $30 advance, $40 at the door or included with a Gold or Platinum pass.
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Friday 4.2

Club Skirts Frisky Friday Pool Party

The Hilton Hotel Main Pool // 12-5pm

DJs, dancing, and cocktailing.
Live Sirius radio broadcast with Out Q’s radio hosts Doria Biddle and Romaine.

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GirlBar’s TGIF Pool Party

The Renaissance Palm Springs // All Day

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Club Skirts LOGO Red Carpet VIP Party

The Palm Springs Convention Center // 9-10:30pm in the VIP section

Exclusive LOGO Networks cocktail reception in the outside patio at 9pm, then celesbians walk the MTV/LOGO Red Carpet at 10pm

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GirlBar “Funny Girlz 5” Comedy Show

Zoso Hotel Ballroom // Cocktails @7:30pm – Show @8:30 PM

Comedy show featuring Poppy Champlin, Michele Balan and Dana Goldberg.

Tickets $25 advance, $30 door.

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Club Skirts White Diamonds Party

The Palm Springs Convention Center // 9pm

Performing live: Ke$ha

And DJs Kathy Valenti, Lisa Pittman and Saratonin

JUST ANNOUNCED: an appearance by our one and only Sarah Shahi!

Admission is $90 in advance and at the door, or included with a Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum pass.

Wear white! You’ve seen that L Word episode we’re assuming.
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GirlBar’s Pure White Party

Hotel Zoso Grand Ballroom// doors at 8pm

Featuring Superstar DJ Samantha Ronson (aka SamRo) at her first lesbian event!

Performing live at midnight: R&B Powerhouse Kelis

Two Expansive Levels of PURE entertainment!

Upper Level – DJ Lounge & Outdoor Patio

Lower Level- Grand Ballroom Dance Party

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Girlbar VIP Hosted Cocktail Party

Hotel Zoso’s Restaurant Terrace Lounge // 8:30pm-10:30pm

For VIP & Renaissance Package Guests

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Saturday 4.3

Girlbar’s Wet & Wild Pool Party

The Renaissance Palm Springs // 11am-5pm

Live Performances by Erica Jayne, Billboard Top 10 Dance Artist Kaylah Marin & Shontelle

BBQ, DJs, Go-Go Dancers, Vendor Fair & Poolside Fun throughout the day

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Club Skirts Cabana Girl Pool Party

The Hilton Hotel Main Pool // Doors at 9am

Presented by LOGO

Featuring a live performance by the Paradiso Girls.

At 4:30pm don’t miss the “WAR OF THE WEBSERIES“, a fierce competition where our webseries stars Nat Garcia of “AutoNatic” and Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard of “In Your Box Office” will battle it out against other webseries’ stars to find out what happens when lesbians stop being polite and start gettin real.
Hosted by Susanne Westenhoefer and Doria Biddle.

Read more/official information on OneMoreLesbian.com

$30 in advance and at the door, or included with a Silver, Gold or Platinum pass.

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GirlBar’s Chillout Pool Party

Hotel Zoso Pool // 11am-4pm

Featuring Australian-born, Sri Lankan singer-songwriter Yasmine keeping things cool with sultry jazz, blues and soul.

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Club Skirts Presents The Kathy and Mo Show!

“Sinfully hilarious cult-fave feminist comedy duo” Kathy Najimy and Mo Gaffney are bringing a “one night only reprisal of their multiple award-winning satirical smash, The Kathy and Mo Show!”

Club Skirts Hollywood Party

The Convention Center // 9pm

Featuring a live performance by the absolutely legendary Salt n Pepa!

Bring your cocktail dresses and suits cause it’s on.

Plus: The Club Skirts 4th Annual Celebrity Fashion Show, with Nat Garcia of our upcoming webseries, AutoNatic and many other smokin’ hot ladies like Autostraddle friends Jill Bennett and Cathy Debuono and more.

$90 advance and at the door, or included with a Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum pass.

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GirlBar HRC Fundraiser

Hotel Zoso Ballroom // Doors Open 7:30 pm, Show 8:30pm

Featuring Hilarious Actress/Comedienne Jennifer Coolidge

100% of net proceeds benefit HRC
First 10 Rows: $60, General Admission: $45, VIP/Renaissance Guests: $35

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GirlBar’s Circus A Go-Go

Renaissance Ballroom // 8pm-3am

Join 4,000 Hot Women from around the world! Pole Dancers, 30 Go-Go Dancers, Shows All Night!

Kelly Rowland performing her international hits “Work” and “When Love Takes Over“

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Sunday 4.4

Club Skirts Sunday Lov’n Pool Party

The Hilton Hotel // Doors at 9am

Featuring Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshley of the
NOH8 Campaign will be shooting NOH8 photos all day!
$30 advance and at the door, or include with a Silver, Gold or Platinum pass.

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GirlBar’s SplashDance Pool Party

at The Renaissance Palm Springs

With live performance from Michael Jackson’s
hot guitar player YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT Orianthi.

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Club Skirts’ Official Dinah Closing Gala

Zeldaz Nightclub // 9pm

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GirlBar’s Closing Party

at Hunter’s Video and Dance Club

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The following Autostraddlers will be in attendance: Riese (CEO/EIC), Brooke (COO), Alex (Design Director), Tess (Web Manager), Laneia (Executive Editor), Sarah (Associate Editor), Jess (Assistant Editor), Taylor (Technology Editor), Kelsey (video assistant), Haviland (our friend), Nat Garcia (vlogstar), Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard (vlogstars).

You can find us in the corner hiding from all the other human beings, reading literature.

Carlytron and Robin in Buenos Aires, Part Tres

Robin Roemer Photography

Here’s the third and final installment of our Buenos Aires gaycation recap!

Thursday

El Ateneo Grand Splendid is a beautiful antique theatre/cinema turned fabulous bookstore which we visited first thing on Thursday.

A friend of mine worked for years doing international marketing for McDonalds and insisted that we eat at a McDonalds in Buenos Aires before our trip was over.  So, half reluctantly we ordered our burgers and sat down to something resembling In and Out Burger: delish! We walked around the Recoleta and Barrio Norte neighborhoods for a bit and stopped at El Fenix to buy a bottle of wine to bring home and drink by the pool.

We had steak and wine in the late evening with friends in Palermo Soho at Don Julio. Soooo good. They had us sign a wine bottle before we left to put above the bar. “NYC hearts BsAs” and our first names. Then we took them to Sitges so they could see the drag show which this time featured three drag queens rather than two. Thursdays were much more of a local crowd and everything was in Spanish, but those queens did not disappoint.

Friday

On Friday, we decided to visit the zoo in Palermo. The first thing we happened upon was an area called “Darwin’s Pond” which contained animals like the nutra rats, which look just like the Rodents of Unusual Size (R.O.U.S.) in Princess Bride, and also the Patagonian Mara, which we just called the Deerdog for most of the day. Those little guys just roamed around the zoo, which was mildy creepy. Visitors to the zoo here can buy animal food and many would not hesitate to walk right up to a zebra and stick a hand practically into its mouth.

Because we love modern art, we swung by the MALBA, which currently features a huge exhibit on Andy Warhol, “Mr. America.” Then in the late afternoon I took some shots of the cobblestone streets in Palermo Soho.

If you like Thai food, we strongly recommend Empire Thai which was packed that evening with a young hipster crowd and served up flavorful dishes for half the price of what we are used to paying in Manhattan.

Home Again

By Saturday, we were ready to make the long flights home to New York. I was really missing TV and the English language and since we had not attempted sushi again after our first experience, I really missed that too. Overall we had a fantastic trip.

Carlytron and Robin’s Gaycation in Buenos Aires, Part Two

Robin Roemer Photography

Trip update! We’re having a great time down here in beautiful Buenos Aires.

Monday

We saw a tango show and it was really fun, although the one we went to was super touristy. They even had small vans which go around to the hotels to pick people up and bring them to the show. Shortly after our arrival an older American couple entered the theatre. I leaned over to Carly and whispered, “I bet they’re going to sit Grandma and Grandpa with us. They will no doubt talk loudly the entire time.” They did and they did. I’m not sure what is more entertaining: Argentinian tango, or a old loud American couple commenting on Argentinian tango. There would be a dramatic lull in the music and a crescendo from the peanut gallery next to us: “Watch their feet!” “I’ve never seen anything like this.” “Boy, I need a hat like that.” “More wine, we need more wine!!” “VVvvvino!” (Its pronounced Bee-no) ” This music makes me feel like I’m in the mountains.”

The dancers were fantastic. In between dancing, there were various musical numbers. First a Chilean group came on to serenade us with their wooden flutes. I’m pretty sure these are the same guys who station themselves daily outside of the MTV building in Times Square. Or maybe those dudes on the V train. Also some lady who looked like Cher, which was pretty awesome/terrifying.

I don’t mean to be snarky, its just that since both Carlytron and myself have worked in or near Times Square, we know a tourist trap when we see one and we fell in every tourist trap imaginable today. I love this city, but I wish we could have avoided a few of these. Thanks for nothing, Lonely Planet!

The first of our tourist traps occurred in Retiro on Florida Street, which is known for its cheap leather goods. Cheap garments and pushy sales people who follow you around and tell you how high quality everything is. So, a big fat NO on Florida street leather; unless we COMPLETELY missed something, we were not at all impressed.

“Basically we spent the evening with creepy old men hootin’ and hollerin’ at Robin and looking at me like I had two heads. Not very different from midtown Manhattan!” – Carly

In the evening, we wandered around San Telmo, eventually finding a cute Parilla (or grill) with friendly waitresses where we could relax and eat more steak! Halfway through my first glass of wine, a cat (un gato) — whom Carly affectionately named Julio — hopped up on the chair next to me to take a nap. SO CUTE! I thought it was hilarious and took photos. I mean, seriously, a cat… in a nice restaurant? I actually don’t mind the cat. I actually prefer to dine with strange cats at the table next to me, but was quite surprised that no one looked twice at this. Maybe because at the table behind us, a woman was breast feeding her infant.

“This shit would not fly in Times Square. JK!” – Carly

Tuesday

Today it was raining and we spent a lot of our day just relaxing by the pool and shopping. We tried a sushi restaurant down the street which was really expensive and not so good, but we needed something other than steak.

Wednesday

We walked around the Plaza de Mayo and over the Puente de La Mujer (The Bridge of Woman). For dinner, we had Italian and stopped in at a Scandinavian bar called Olsen to have a cocktail. Olsen looks exactly as you’d expect a Scandinavian vodka bar to look, with a big courtyard and awesome modern design. Later that night we went to a gay bar called Sitges to see their drag show. We totally fell in love with this place instantly: as we walked in they were playing “3” by Britney Spears and Carly turned to me and said, “We’re home!” We got drunk watching drag queens make fun of tourists in Spanish and could not have asked for a better end to a really awesome day.

People are so nice here. I really am so grateful to be in a city where you can be a dumb tourist and people are okay with it. I’ve been to places where they are not.

One more thing: I regret the fact that I haven’t taken too many photos on this trip. Just a quick snapshot here and there. I’ve needed a little break from my camera. I’ll try to be better with it from now on!

Carlytron and Robin’s Gaycation in Buenos Aires

So after 15 hours on 2 different flights and very little sleep, Carlytron and I arrived in the devastatingly adorable city of Buenos Aires, Argentina. The travel books are right. Its like a tropical version of a European city where the very old and the very new are blended across an oddly harmonious landscape.

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Lesbians Do Provincetown’s Annual Carnival and Ask, “Where our girls at?”

Hello beauties! It’s your friendly photoblogger Robin Roemer.  Last weekend Carlytron and I, along with a modest gaggle of our gay boy friends, headed north and east to the very tip of Cape Cod to fun little gaycation spot called Provincetown, Massachusetts. In fact, it is the gayest place known to man AND one of my favorite little beach getaways.

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Autofocus! Goes to Ithaca: Travel Tips for Lesbians in Love

Hello Autostraddle! Last week, my girlfriend Carlytron and I left for a super short but fabulous 5 day vacation in upstate New York before going to The Berkshires in Western Massachusetts to attend a wedding. And because Carlytron & Robin have been crowned Cutest Couple ever by our friend (and Autostraddle’s COO) Brooke (she made us mugs to prove it) …

… I’ve designated us qualified to offer some travel tips for lesbians in love! I offer these tips not because I myself have figured it all out or somehow think i’m one half of the Gay Lady’s version of Brangelina, but because I went on vacation last week with my girlfriend and this is all I got to photoblog about! :-) Also, I took some pretty pictures. So, here goes …

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Girl-on-Greece: The Incredibly True Adventures of a Gay History Nerd in Love with Mount Olympus

I decided I wanted to visit Greece three years ago — right before all those dumb movies set in Greece flooded the marketplace and inspired my friends & family to assume I’d picked my destination because of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. But no, that wasn’t it at all. For one thing, I’d never traveled abroad EVER, thanks to a foiled trip to France in high school (thanks, war! just kidding, you ruined everything) and, more importantly, Greece’s appeal to me is far deeper than the movie industry’s pigeonholed presentation of it as a one-dimensional country of scenic white-washed coastlines and neurotic – yet warmhearted – people.

Furthermore, it’s more than the island of Santorini, Mykonos and Crete, which have come to embody an entire country and, if I’m being completely honest; is what initially drew me there. Obviously, Hollywood’s job is overgeneralizing and exaggerating, so I get it. My job is to tell you the true story of a Girl-in-Greece: More Than That Stupid Movie 09′; (Still Love You, Meryl).

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Girl-in-Sydney, Australia: Crystal Does Lesbian Nightlife, Discovers They’ve Got Their Own “Chart”

Today’s Girl-in-the-World feature comes from our regular writer Team Autostraddle Member Crystal! Here she is …

I used to be a regular in Sydney’s gay scene but then dropped off the grid a few years ago. I’m not sure why, exactly. Maybe it was because I married my job, or bought a TV, or started falling for straight and closeted girls. Whatever the reason, I’d left and never looked back — until a few weeks ago, when I began my preliminary research for this piece on Sydney, Australia’s Girl-on-Girl culture. It’s been an interesting exercise in passing off drinking and befriending girls as “reporting” and though I couldn’t get to every girl bar and event in town, I hope to give you a look at the things that occur in the city every week. That way, when you travel to Sydney (and you must!) you’ll know exactly where to go and when. Or where NOT to go, depending on how well I sell this in. Part One will cover “The Bank” in Newtown.

For those of you aren’t familiar with my hemisphere: Sydney’s gay culture is quite prominent and on par with cities like San Francisco, Paris, Barcelona and Amsterdam. Sydney hosts one of the largest Pride events in the world, the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, and this queer-loving city fits in quite well with our relatively queer-tolerant country. Well … tolerant unless you want to get married. Of course there’s always the option of having a commitment ceremony, but it would be as legally binding as the weddings I used to throw for my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figurines. Australia isn’t perfect, but I still feel fortunate to live here.

Going into this adventure, I did wonder what’s changed since the heydey of my sparkling youth. Nervous about being around lesbians en masse, I called my friend “Roxy” (alias used upon request) to see if I could tag along to some girlbars with her “crew.” That’s what the kids are calling their cliques these days. Roxy’s a scene regular, a young, bright-eyed and less cynical reminder of myself a few years ago, except more hip. Thankfully she obliged, and now I’m going to take you there.

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Girl-in-Berlin: 32 Hours for Me & Metric & The City of Berlin

Hi Auto-Straddlers! It’s me Laneia (formerly known as “Green”) here with our brand-new AS feature, “Girl in the World” (as explained in our fancy header up there). We kick off GITW today with a dispatch from Vicky, an Irish cyber-friend of mine who recently had a fantastic experience in Berlin, Germany … so without any further ado … here she is!

Berlin was beautiful at first sight, even from the limited route on the bus from the airport — the juxtaposition of old world classical architecture and high tech modern, all the trees and the massive 495-acre former hunting reserve-turned-public-park right in the center of downtown.
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