travel guide Archives

Queer Girl City Guide: Santa Fe, New Mexico

0. 2/20/2012 – Here/Queer Call for Submissions, by Riese
1. 3/02/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Montreal, Canada, by Sid
2. 3/05/2012 – Playlist: Here/Queer, by Riese
3. 3/05/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Portland, Oregon, by Lesbians in PDX
4. 3/07/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Brighton, United Kingdom, by Sarah Magdalena
5. 3/07/2012 – Oh But To Be A Queer in Sicily, by Jenn
6. 3/08/2012 – City Guide: Seattle, by Marley
7. 3/11/2012 – City Guide: Washington DC, by Keena
8. 3/13/2012 – Here/Queer: Sydney Mardi Gras Is On Your To-Do List, by Crystal
9. 3/14/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Spokane, Washington, by Ana
10. 3/15/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Cleveland, Ohio, by Lora
11. 3/16/2012 – Madison, WI and W4W Entertainment, by Emily
12. 3/16/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Dublin, Ireland, by Una
13. 3/19/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Vancouver, Canada, by Kathryn
14. 3/19/2012 – Things We Wrote That You Loved, by The Team
15. 3/20/2012 – Here/Queer: Boogie Down Bronx, by Gabby
16. 3/21/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Columbus, Ohio, by Dominique, Annie, Kat, Liz & Mila
17. 3/24/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Santa Fe, New Mexico, by Sam

I’ve lived in Santa Fe for about nine months and I’ve never fallen in love with a place as quickly and fiercely as I have with the “City Different.” Others feel this way too, as evidenced by the local economy’s driving factor—tourism. People love to come here (and stay here!). The city’s near-perfect weather, massive art scene (second only to NYC in the United States), and cohesive architectural style (Pueblo Revival) draw many different types of people to Santa Fe all year long. Santa Fe is an “escape” of sorts — it’s quiet and mountainous and some people find it magical. Residents welcome tourists, despite the fact that they might butcher the pronunciation of the Spanish-named streets and crowd the tiny, one-way dirt roads with their massive SUVs. We welcome outsiders because that’s what Santa Fe is all about. That’s what makes Santa Fe awesome for residents, awesome for visitors, and especially awesome for the gays. Because I’m a lesbian, and I’m 24-years-old, and I’ve already done all this, and it only makes sense that things will be easy for you too!

Free hugs!

The Lonely Bar

Santa Fe is very small (there are only 70,000 or so full-time residents), the majority of the people are old enough to retire, and the nightlife in general is pretty quiet. That said, there is one gay bar/club: The Rouge Cat (101 W. Marcy)! It is female-owned, but it’s also pretty male-dominated and tend to have a 30+ crowd. On the main level, there’s a comfortable but chic sitting area and small bar. Most of the cocktail-drinking folks here are in their thirties (or forties/fifties?) and male, so go on the weekends (even though you’ll have to pay a cover) and head downstairs. It’s darker and there’s a DJ, another bar, and many more women.

Food and Friends

Mostly all places in Santa Fe are gay-friendly. I say this from experience because I have been (and am) that girl who drunkenly “takes on the town” whilst having zero regard for anything but myself and the girl I want to make out with right then.

If you’re downtown, I’d recommend Marble’s Taproom (60 E. San Francisco) because you can sit outside all year round (there are heaters!) and get in some prime hippie watching.

Coyote Café’s Cantina (132 W. Water) is only open in the summer, but it’s also an awesome outdoor spot with some great lady-meeting potential.

If you’re in the Railyard area (which you should be!), head to the Cowgirl (319 S. Guadalupe) or the Second Street Brewery‘s new location, which is attached to the Farmer’s Market Pavilion (1607 Paseo de Peralta). Chances are you’ll meet a crunchy, most-likely-artistic, possibly-musician-ish lady at one of these places. I recommend you embrace collapsible hula hoops AKA the best conversation starters of all time.

College Life For Students and Beyond

I moved to Santa Fe from Boulder, Colorado, which is really the “quintessential” college town. For a while, I thought Santa Fe beared zero resemblance, but I slowly began to understand how awesome the college scene here is. It’s a little more subtle which is nice in comparison to a place like Boulder, which was so in-your-face with its frats and neon tank tops and wayfarers everywhere you turned.

Santa Fe Community College is a huge part of the community and is great because it offers options for all types of students. They have a student-run gallery on Canyon Road (in the heart of the art district) called Red Dot Gallery (826 Canyon). Visit it!

St. John’s College (a small, liberal college on “The Hill”) is also fairly fantastic! This much I know about St. John’s: they host a series of free outdoor concerts on their athletic fields every Wednesday in the summer called “Music on the Hill,” their dining hall serves cheap, delicious food (even for non-students) AND some of my favorite hiking starts right in their parking lots. I’d recommend the Atalaya Trail—six or seven miles gives way to totally awesome 360-degree mountain views although it is exposed so if you don’t do well in the sun, it might not be for you.

The General Scene Around Town

Hippies arrived everywhere in the 60s and 70s, right? A couple years later, a lot of them grew up, started families and lost (most of) their hippie tendencies. Not here! A lot of people say that Santa Fe never changed after that initial counter-culture infiltration. What I’m saying is: people here are really laid-back, very open to new and/or different people and things and overwhelmingly accepting. Sometimes, I feel like I’m living in a world that is part vacation and part Twilight Zone. Most Santa Feans do not care if their child’s five-year-old classmate has two mommies. In fact, they probably won’t even NOTICE. In terms of “support for LGBT families,” we’re basically living in Tomorrowland; differences aren’t only embraced here in Santa Fe, they’re celebrated and expected! As far as strictly gay things go, there’s unfortunately no “gayborhood” but there are plenty of gayish places like the Railyard. For those of you more advanced in years, there is one LGBT retirement community called Rainbow Vision on the outskirts of Santa Fe.

Bookstores and More

There aren’t any big chain bookstores in Santa Fe, so if you’re looking for a massive selection, you won’t find it here. But if you’re looking for incredible independent shops with culture and a sense of neighborhood friendliness, we’ve got the place for you.

Collected Works (202 Galisteo) is an independent and locally owned bookstore and coffee house, located downtown, with book signings/readings, live music, talks, and more.

If you’re closer to the Railyard, visit The Ark (133 Romero). Their highest-selling book, which I think is generally indicative of the feeling of the store, is 2013 Oracle by David Carson.

“The 2013 Oracle looks beyond 2012 with a powerful divination system, including a mirror-finished card deck, a colorful printed cenote cloth to contain and focus the oracular energies, and a four-color book to explain and interpret the guidance of the ancients.”

Overall, these are both great bookstores that are involved with the community, and will go to pretty great lengths for customer satisfaction.

Arts Groups

I could write a book about “the arts” in Santa Fe. On Canyon Road, there are more than 100 galleries in a one-mile stretch. Throughout the rest of town, galleries are sprinkled everywhere. Go to these galleries! Every one you can! Even if you don’t like the arts. Trust me, you will meet interesting people and you will learn something. Ask questions about the work, embrace your feelings about the pieces, and listen to what others and/or the artist might have to say. If the artist has a studio attached, ask to visit it; be curious and you will be rewarded. Gallery openings are a big social event–they’re usually on Fridays–and also provide a great excuse to talk to the cute artists you’ve been scoping out.

SOL at the Santa Fe Brewing Company is a cool venue that holds concerts. Besides the convention center (which brings in amazing acts like the Pixies and the Smiths sometimes), it is the only place around town to see a “real” concert. The Santa Fe Brewing Company also makes some pretty good beer.

Gallery Opening (Jeff Overlie at Riva Yares) Santa Fe, NM

Jeff Overlie Opening at Riva Yares

Things get hot at the Farmer's Market

Dating Scene

The dating scene is a little bit tricky, especially for those under 30. Like I said, Santa Fe is small and generally sleepy, so it takes some work to work the dating scene. Just remember that going to bars, getting drunk, and hooking up is not always the best way to meet girl, so be open to new dating opportunities. Try networking (meetup.com and OKCupid have been do-able, in my experience) and seek women out in unconventional settings — at book readings, on biking/pedestrian trails, in the dog park, at gallery openings, and at the Farmer’s Market.

Diversity

Opinions on racial/cultural diversity in Santa Fe (not New Mexico, not Albuquerque, etc.) differ. You might find tension between Native American populations, Spanish populations, Hispanic populations, and Anglo populations or you might not. Economic diversity is alive and well, but varying socio-economic groups are extremely segregated which. At the same time, Santa Fe is somewhat upscale and you don’t have to do much to ignore the outside world. I’d caution you to stay educated about what’s going on!

Downtown Santa Fe

Safety

Santa Fe is generally a safe town when appropriate precautions are taken to avoid danger. Since it’s quiet and closes down pretty early, it gets a little bit creepy at night, so take a friend with you if you’re alone. Avoid areas that are desolate, be smart, and you’ll be fine. The majority of crime in Santa Fe theft and burglary, so just lock your stuff up!

Cost of Living

The cost of living is pretty significant in Santa Fe, especially close to downtown, but it’s not too too high. I’m an entry-level worker with a SUPER entry-level salary and I support myself fairly easily. The good news: Santa Fe has the highest minimum wage in the country. It’s $10.29 per hour.

New Mexico is underrated. I can’t say this enough times to make people believe me. Santa Fe is innovative, unassuming, and the air is really clean. It’s not for everyone, but if you think it might be for you, try it! I think you’ll like what you find.

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

Queer Girl City Guide: Columbus, Ohio

A City so Nice, We Wrote About it Twice

by Dominique, Annie, Kat, Liz & Mila

When we heard about the City Guide call for submissions, we (Dom, Kat, Liz, and Annie) jumped at the chance to finally share all the queer things Columbus has to offer. The thing is, we didn’t all know each other. We wrote two guides, sent them in, and hoped our posts would make it to Autostraddle. When we learned about each other, we decided to meet up and combine our pieces, which was awesome for us because we got to learn more about our lovely city and meet new people in the process! We all have different backgrounds, some of us grew up here, others are recent transplants. Below is our combined efforts, our love letter to this rockin’ lesbian haven of a town.

Columbus Skyline Courtesy of trekearth

Ohio’s capital city (and the third largest city in the Midwest) has everything you’d ever need, including the world’s best ice cream, one of the country’s largest universities, and a hoppin’ LGBTQ scene. We have an estimated LGBTQ population of 35,000, which certainly contributes to our ranking as the second most sexually satisfied city in the country. We’re a city overflowing with gay and women-owned businesses, lesbian clubs, great restaurants (comfort food is our best mastered art), and hot women peddling around on bikes. It’s also legal for women to be topless in Columbus!. What’s not to love?
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The Many Gayborhoods of Columbus

It is hard to pick one gayborhood in Columbus, ’cause it is all pretty gay, but the best known one is probably the Short North. This arts district on High Street hosts many of the city’s best boutiques and galleries and is picturesque with its colorfully lit arches. While the area is a little over-gentrified for our tastes, it has lots of gems, including Northstar (951 N High Street), a mostly local and organic restaurant); Nida’s Thai on High (976 N High Street), the green curry is to die for); and Flower Child (989 N High Street), a great vintage shop. It also hosts the ever-popular Gallery Hop on the first Saturday of each month, when all of the art galleries debut their new shows, restaurants have special events, and the sidewalks fill with busking musicians.

Short North

The Short North sits in the middle of three neighborhoods, the ritzy and beautiful Victorian Village, the classic and more affordable Flytown (aka Harrison West), and the slightly gritty and really cool Italian Village.

The neighborhoods of North Campus and Clintonville blend together and have a more down-to-earth, organic feel to them. Meals are cheaper here, and if you are looking for a great local show, the best bands are normally playing at Ace of Cups (2619 N High Street), Rumba Cafe (2507 Summit Street), or Kobo (2590 N High Street). For local art and performance, check out Wild Goose Creative (2491 Summit Street), and if you like local produce, Clintonville has the best farmer’s market in town.

Our favorite up and coming neighborhood is Old Town East. They have a friendly, cheap gay bar, AWOL (49 Parsons Avenue); awesome pizza at Yellow Brick (892 Oak Street); and they are the home of Carabar (115 Parsons Avenue), one of our favorite venues for local shows. But the real reason we love this neighborhood? The scones at Angry Baker (891 Oak Street). They will change your life.

Drinkin’, Dancin’ Dykes

The rumor around town is that Wall Street (144 N Wall Street) is the largest lesbian dance club in the country, and while we haven’t been able to verify this, we can see the basis for it. Wall Street has a huge dance floor and a second story balcony with couches looking down on it from above. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is why a night here is always such a blast. There are smoke machines, large screens projecting nineties music videos, and disco lights. And there are lots of cute girls, many of them wearing USWNT soccer jerseys. It is kind of costly (at least for Columbus), with a $5 cover and similarly priced drinks. We suggest going on the first Friday of the month, when all of queer Columbus hits the dance floor. Wall Street is also hosts events like Traffic Night — wear a red, yellow or green glowstick to indicate your relationship status and let the games begin — and multiple queer burlesque nights featuring Viva! and the Velvet Hearts, The Royal Renegades, and other local performers.

If you want to go somewhere a little more chill, we suggest checking out Slammers (202 E Long Street), Columbus’ lesbian sports bar. It has one of the best patios in Columbus, which is filled with witty girls playing corn-hole on warm summer nights. Inside offers a pool table and a jukebox filled with songs to belt along to. The pizza is also phenomenal, and they often have pizza and pitcher specials.

St. Patrick's Day at Slammers

While Union Cafe (782 N High Street) is targeted more to the Gs of Columbus, it is a pretty great mixed LGBTQ bar with a relaxed patio and fun theme nights. The place is always crowded and the drinks can be a little steep, but they do have $3 long islands on Thursdays. If you want a fun Sunday night, check out Showtune Sundays, where they project Broadway (and Glee) clips and everyone acts them out on stage.

Every third Saturday is Party Trash, an alterna queer dance party at Circus (1227 N High Street). We haven’t been because we just learned about this, but we are super excited to go next month! Circus also has some terrific pizza. So perfect, in fact, that it brought Anthony Bourdain to Columbus. You can find some queer burlesque performances here as well.

Club 20 (20 E Duncan Street) is the gathering place for the gays of north campus and is great for everyone who doesn’t feel like trekking into the Short North. Though there are usually more men here, Club 20 has tons of lady regulars. Karaoke has been known to get crazy.

Cures for Your Munchies

Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams

If you are visiting Columbus, the first thing you should do is go to Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams (multiple locations/orgasms), because it defines this city. Jeni’s has a range of innovative flavors including Goat Cheese and Cognac Figs and our personal fave, Wildberry Lavender. You can try as many flavors as you’d like, and because Jeni uses many local ingredients you won’t just taste Ohio cream, you’ll get to try whiskey from Middle West Spirits in the Short North, nuts roasted at the Columbus-based Krema Nut Company, and brambleberries grown in the Appalachian hills. It will set the mood for the rest of your visit (and if you go right away, it gives you plenty of time to go back!).

For some awesome international food, check out North Market (59 Spruce Street) between Short North and downtown. It’s pretty hard to miss since it’s in a giant, old warehouse with a giant rooster painted on it. Here, you can get fresh, local produce and meats, imported cheeses, local alcohols, and food from all over the world. This is a great place to lunch, because it is like a huge food court, but with some of the most unusual flavors in town.

North Market

Hal & Al’s (1297 Parsons Avenue) may be our favorite place to scope out cute girls. This out-of-the-way, all-vegan restaurant has legit, vegan bar food, including amazing avocado fries. The prices are low, the beer is diverse, and they have an awesome happy hour with half-priced pints.

Another Columbus genius, Liz Lessner (because the ladies rock this town), has created a number of our most original and popular restaurants, all serving a unique twist on traditional comfort food. Our favorite is Surly Girl Saloon (1126 N High Street) which has a girly western feel, a rock star brunch, and features the coolest chandelier in Columbus.

Dirty Frank’s (248 S 4th Street) is one of Lessner’s other gifts to Columbus. Located downtown, this hot dog shop offers the best, and strangest, hot dogs (and tofu dogs!) we’ve ever tasted, and for really low prices. Each hot dog represents a different state or city. The Ohioana dog, for example, has a corn relish topping, and the Pittsburgh Princess has slaw, fresh cut fries, and malt vinegar. There’s lots of variety, and lots of vegan and gluten free options. This place is always flooded with gay or lesbian couples, especially on karaoke night.

You can’t call yourself a Columbusite if you haven’t been to the Blue Danube aka the Dube (2439 N High Street), one of our oldest diners/dive bars. This place opened before Pearl Harbor, and it continues to grow and change in a way that makes if feel classic, hip, and like home all at once. The ceiling tiles are hand DIY decorated, some by regulars, some by famous people! They have the best jukebox in town, filled with all the tunes you need to mourn or win a lady. We usually get the mac and cheese bites, sweet potato fries with mixed berry and chili sauce, and their great hummus plate. There are two glorious nights a week set aside for dollar-burger-with-a-beer specials, where you can get super fancy adding anything from egg to guac for a minimal fee. What more could a recession-laden lesbian want?

Liz introduced Annie to Lavash Cafe (2985 N High Street), a Middle Eastern restaurant in Clintonville, and it may be the best thing she’s ever done for us. This is Annie’s favorite restaurant in Columbus. They have phenomenal spicy black bean hummus, Columbus’ best tabouli, mouth waveringly glorious kebabs, and a meal rarely costs more than $10.

We could go into the many fantastic ethic restaurants in this town, but we could never cover them like the blog alt.eats.columbus does. They provide detailed reviews of Columbus’ many off-the-beaten-track ethnic spots, and have led us to delicious meals we never would’ve discovered on our own.

Because “dining lounge” seems to be code for fancy martinis and plush white couches, Level (700 N High street) is a great place to both eat and drink. They have a cool lounge upstairs and a pretty lively karaoke night and while it’s never boring, it’s way more relaxed than Union. Definitely check out Wine Wednesday (half off all bottles of wine, so you can get tanked the classy way).

Pattycake Bakery (3009 N High Street) is easily our favorite bakery in Columbus. Operated by mostly lesbians, this is the best place to get your vegan baked goods. No matter what time you go, you’re sure to find some cute queer girls waiting to plow into Pattycake’s famous muffins.

If you’re in the mood to sip some coffee and check out cute girls, you should try Kafe Kerouac (2250 N High Street). This cafe is a literary lover’s dream, as the name suggests. All the drinks are named after authors, and the walls are covered with old books which are available for purchase. Records and local art are also found through the shop. Keruoac also has a stage for local musicians and poetry nights. An Ohio State feminist group, Women and Allies Rising in Resistance (WARR), meets here for Feminist Fridays.

Travonna Coffee House

Travonna (1195 N High Street) is the premier LGBT-friendly coffeehouse and art space and also gets cool points for being the only coffeehouse in Columbus open 24 hours. Drinks are a little pricey, but they actually have matcha tea and know how to make a real macchiato.

If you’re after a real cup of Joe, we suggest checking out Stauf’s (1277 Grandview Avenue) in Grandview. This spot radiates local charm and a laid back atmosphere. Customers can even borrow board games to play while they enjoy their drinks and pastries. Stauf’s is more chill than Kerouac, so you’re more likely to get reading and studying done here, and they have the best, locally roasted coffee C-Bus has to offer.

Local Literature

For those nights when you want to stay in, you can cuddle up with your girl and read some of Columbus’ LGBTQ publications. These publications include Outlook, Gay People’s Chronicle, Out in Columbus, and many others for a total of ten queer print-news sources. None of these are specifically for gay men or lesbians; they include all LGBTQ readers. If you’re looking for info on LGBTQ friendly businesses, the best lesbian spots, or lesbian friendly service providers, browse through the Lavender Listings. Most of these publications and resources are free and can be found in cafes, shops, and at bus stops.

Pearls of Wisdom (3522 N High Street) is a New Age bookstore and community center that has bookshelf after bookshelf of pro-womanyst and pro-sex literature, knickknacks, jewelry, plants, and teas. There are also several overstuffed couches that welcome your bottom for endless reading. They offer several different meditation, belly dancing, and yoga classes that are welcoming to all body types.

The Garden (1174 N High Street) and The Chamber (both cater to the LGBTQ community. The Garden has the best lesbian section we’ve ever see, and The Chamber has an amazing fetish selection. The first floor is full of feather boas, hundreds of lubes (which you can sample!), sexy costumes, and pride merchandise. The basement has dildos, vibrators, strap on harnesses (many of which are locally made!), and every other sex toy you can imagine. Erotic literature and how to sex books for people of all sexualities cover the walls of the shop. Like any good sex shop, there’s a bunch of porn here, too. Just like the literature and toys, the porn section has options for everyone including, lesbians, gays, feminists, heterosexuals, and everything else you can imagine. The Garden also gets bonus points for being open until 3 a.m. Monday-Saturday. Remember that really expensive vibrator you had your eye on? There’s a 94% chance you’ll be mentally able to afford it after closing your bar tab.

Where to Get That Perfect Alt Life Haircut or Tattoo

Lucky 13 (3131 N High Street) in Clintonville is one of the most popular places to get an edgy and alternative hair cut. The hair cut prices are about $30 and they are worth every penny. Lucky 13 has been involved in the LGBTQ community for a while, too. They are participate in Pride week and go out of their way to include LGBTQ customers.

If you want an even more alternative place with even more queer stylists, go to Rendezvous (2600 N High Street). They offer amazing style and service for a great price. Thursdays are half off haircuts, and they base cut prices on hair length, so you won’t be charged an arm and a leg for a trim. Hair coloring is also well priced and the results are PERFECT. “Since trying this place, I have finally found the perfect hair cut.” – Dom

I started going to Virtue Salon (3333 N High Street), a vegan salon in Clintonville, about a year ago, and my life changed. At least my life in relation to my hair. The salon is super cute and decently priced ($30 for a haircut and style). I can’t speak for all of the stylists, but my stylist, Sarah, is the master of getting to know each customer’s unique balance of adventure and restraint. Check ’em out, read their Yelp reviews, and let me know what you think. – Annie

Aveda Institute on High, right in the heart of OSU’s campus, features cheap cuts (typically around $20 with tips going to your stylist’s choice of non-profit) and washes from cute multi-presenting and orienting students. I have gotten many an L Word-inspired cut there with no judgment, only love. A haircut here may be an all-day affair, and you can never get the same stylist twice, but the results are marvelous more often than not, and the floor-to-ceiling windows offer excellent people-watching and/or creeping. – Liz

If you already have an edgy hair style, get a tattoo. Evolved Tattoos (1880 N High Street) has an all female studio where you can get your tats and piercings. Keep an eye out for their buy one get one half off deals.

How to Get Your Activism On

While we still have a long march towards equality in Ohio (we still don’t have equal housing and employment laws, let alone anything close to marriage or second parent adoption rights), we have a lot of determined groups that fight for and/or recognize the importance of LGBTQ people and families.

The nearest and dearest to our hearts is Equality Ohio. If you are passionate about finding legislative solutions to the many inequalities we LGBTQs face in this state and nationwide, this is the perfect place to volunteer. EO is currently working on two state bills, an equal housing and employment bill and a safe schools bill with enumeration. They have volunteer nights every Thursday, and with volunteers of all backgrounds, orientations, and ages, this is a great way to see the diversity and learn the history of our community.

Stonewall Columbus is our local LGBTQ community center. They host a variety of activities and meetings, including trans support groups, alcoholics anonymous, ballroom dancing, and a running club. They are also known for the amazing job they do pulling together Pride!

The Buckeye Region Anti Violence Organization (BRAVO) is an LGBTQ survivor advocacy resource for victims of hate crimes, discrimination, domestic violence, and sexual assault. They are inclusive in their outreach to many sub-communities in Columbus, including the Leather/BDSM communities, queer communities, and polyamory communities.

Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio (SARNCO) provides a wide range of support, education, and outreach provided no-cost and judgment-free. SARNCO advocates receive extensive sensitivity training on LGBTQ issues, and survivors may request the gender of his or her advocate. Outreach and education programs can also be tailored for lesbian or queer audiences.

The Planned Parenthoods on West Broad and East 17th Avenue are, in our experience, extremely LGBTQ friendly. Both are on a sliding payment scale.

Other great places to check out for your health needs are the Ohio State University’s Center for Women’s Health and the Columbus Aids Task Force.

Where the Gayish Girls Are

While you can find queers of all types all over this city, there are a few unique LGBTQ social groups and hot spots that y’all should check out.

Queer Behavior is an awesome, purely social LGBTQ group that organizes things like Queer Yoga, Queer Scouts, and alt-Valentine’s Day art parties. Wednesday night yoga ($8/5 for students), has fantastic instructors, is located in our favorite art gallery (Gallery 83), and is a pretty good mix of Ls and Gs. They also have queer film nights once a month at Kafe Kerouac.

Like most queer cities, Columbus has a slew of high quality drag queen shows. As fun as drag queen shows are, we lady gays need some drag kings and other queer performers in our lives. Columbus rocks the queer burlesque and drag king shows. Our favorite groups have to be Viva Valezz! and the Velvet Hearts burlesque troop and The Royal Renegades Drag Kings. Both groups perform often and even travel throughout the country. Viva Valezz, the leader of the Velvet Hearts, recently won the “Golden Pasties” award at the 2011 New York Burlesque Festival. She also runs the Columbus Burlesque Academy, where you can learn to seduce that girl you met at Wall Street.

Viva and the Velvert Hearts Courtesy of Brett Hunt

For all you youngins (12- to 18-year-olds) out there, Kaleidoscope Youth Center (1904 N High Street) is an awesome LGBTQ group located in an old house near Ohio State. KYC is open every weekday from 4-7pm as a place to hang out, play pool, use the internet, and just be with other queers and allies. On the weekends they organize bowling trips, movie nights, and other social activities. If you are involved in a GSA at school or are interested in creating one, or if you are having issues with bullying in school, they have many resources and will even come out to your school for teacher trainings.

If for some reason you want to go dancing somewhere other than Wall Street (blasphemy!), Columbus has some great options. We suggest Heatwave, a retro 60s dance party the first Saturday of the month at Ace of Cups; Clampdown, an indie pop party the second Saturday of the month at Ravari Room; or Ladies 80’s every Thursday at the infamous Skully’s Diner. Axis, the gay counterpart to Wall Street, is also always a good time.

Columbus is completely full of dykes on bikes and local bike shops. You can find the recreational dykey bikers on our 7 major bike trails. We even have the Third Hand Bike Co-Op (174 E 5th Avenue), where they will teach you to fix your bike and all you have to pay for are the parts.

Where the Gayish Girls are: University Version

Central Ohio features a high concentration of colleges and universities, including The Ohio State University, Columbus College of Art and Design, Franklin University, Columbus State Community College, and Capital University. This potent mix of young people and academia means that we have lots of sexy-smart girls of all kinds of orientations, identifications, and presentation. It also means we have lots of art shows, galleries, poetry slams, famous lecturers, music, boozery, and fun!

As one of the largest universities in the country, by enrollment and area, The Ohio State University is crawling with queers. Though OSU is well known for its sports, it has a lot to offer. They have one of the largest and best Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality departments, and dozens of LGBT organizations. There is even a class about lesbian porn in the winter! The professors and faculty help make this campus a very gay friendly space.

The various college crowds all get together once a month for a party called Stonewall Fusion. The parties often involve drag or talent shows, and each party is hosted by a different college or university around Central Ohio.

This summer Equality Ohio is organizing the first ever Equality Express Bus Tour! During the tour college-age LGBTQs will travel the state for three weeks and march in the Columbus, Cleveland, and Cincinnati Pride parades. They will also do community service projects in Zanesville, Akron, and other smaller cities, and it will be an opportunity to showcase how awesome and diverse Ohio’s LGBTQ community is!

The Town of 1000 Festivals

Pride Parade 2011, Short North

We have no idea how many festivals the Central Ohio area actually has, but 1000 seems about right. Every summer weekend there is at least one music festival, not to mention food festivals, cultural festivals, beer and wine festivals, and the occasional ferret festival (yes, this is a real thing). Because this year is Columbus’ 200th birthday(!) the festivities are extra special, so make sure to get out and enjoy C-Bus this year!

Each June, Columbus celebrates a month of Pride. Street lamps bear pride and diversity banners while businesses cover themselves in gay flags and rainbow lights. The LGBTQ community organizes events including picnics, dances, art shows, movie nights, lesbian softball, and so much more. And we hosts what is likely the second largest Pride Parade and Festival in the Midwest, after Chicago, with over 210,000 people coming out for the event last year. The parade marches from downtown to Goodale Park in Victorian Village and is on the family-friendly side with many businesses, religious organizations, social groups, and individuals taking part. While it was guy heavy (as Liz put it, Pride had “too many dudes, not enough boobs”) it was a huge, diverse event and totally worth checking out. On stage the ladies were present, with Ohio’s own Vanity Theft and Chely Wright performing.

Comfest is the Columbus event of the year and is rumored to be the largest non-sponsored festival in the country. A mix between a neighborhood block party and Woodstock, it is a perfect example of why this city is so rockin’. Tens of thousands of Columbusites of all ages fill Goodale Park (the same spot as Pride) for three days of local music, food, beer, hula hooping, and more. The cute and occasionally topless girls that were missing from Pride come out in spades for Comfest. And not only is the whole event free and volunteer-run, but all extra money raised from beer sales gets donated to local homeless shelters.

If local music is your thing, Independent’s Day is your festival. Located on Gay Street and Pearl Alley, this September event has five stages filled will all Columbus bands, and every year they showcase the best established and up and coming acts this city has to offer.

The Dark Side

We try to avoid Park Street. Not because of homophobia or anything, it’s just broville and super straight. The bars aren’t interesting and drinks are expensive and taste like pee water. If your straight friends do drag you here (as ours often do) we suggest talking them into going to Novaks (479 N High Street) or Callahan’s (520 Park Street), the best Park Street has to offer.

There aren’t many terrible places in Columbus, but it’s best to be aware of your surroundings.

Other Awesome Things

If C-bus locals have one thing, it is Ohio pride. Everywhere you go you see the heart-shaped outline of our state, whether it be on shirts, necklaces, bags, or coasters. Kat even has an Ohio flask (that Annie may or may not have gotten her for Christmas). And Wholly Craft! (3169 N High Street) is your source for any and all things kitsch and Ohio. They only sell items made by fellow Columbus crafters, and they offer a slew of decently priced crafting classes. It’s like Etsy in a brick-and-mortar store.

Wholly Craft!

While we do have a few famous sports teams (Ohio State Buckeyes, anyone?), there is only one team you really need to know, the Ohio Roller Girls. The girls are hot and play some feisty roller derby and the matches are affordable and a total blast.

Available Light Theatre is one of our favorite art groups in Columbus. They put on a mix of original and recreated works and they bring something new to everything they do. They also have a pay-what-you-can policy for day-of tickets, so this is a perfect place to experience theatre on a budget.

For the best concerts, go to The Newport Music Hall (1722 N High Street). The Newport is one of the oldest rock ‘n roll halls in the country. To this day, it is still locally run and independently owned, making it one of the few still in existence. This musical den mostly hosts indie, alternative, experimental music.

The OSU Urban Art Space (50 W Town Street) is Kat and Annie’s favorite way to spend a free afternoon. Located in the old Lazarus building downtown, the UAS is a free art museum, with ever-changing exhibits showcasing art that is mostly local, and often design-oriented. If you are interested in urban sociology, development, or planning, make sure to check it out. We always learn something new about this city, the people who live here, and where it’s going.

If you are into the great outdoors, Columbus has more available than most people realize. We have an expansive Metro Parks system, with fifteen parks and many miles of hiking trails. Our personal fave is Clear Creek Metro Park, where a winter hike is like stepping into a Christmas card. If you are near downtown, check out Scioto Audubon Metro Park (400 W Whittier Street), where there is a lot bird watching and a free climbing wall.

Climbing Wall, Scioto Audubon Metro Park

Diversity, Income, and Other Noteworthy Things

In economic and population terms, Columbus isn’t doing too shabby. While we are located in the middle of the rust belt, we’re totally bucking the trend. We’re growing (10% population growth between 2000 and 2010!) and we have a lot of large companies with headquarters or bases here, including Limited Brands, Nationwide, and Chase. We also have one of the lowest unemployment rates in Ohio (6.4% in December 2011).

While we’re not as diverse as many cities (59% Non-Hispanic white), Columbus features the second largest population of Somalis outside of Somalia. We also are home to large Latino and South African populations. This means that we have some truly incredible and authentic ethnic cuisine, tons of great translation services, and many opportunities for Halal/Kosher shopping.

Because it is still a hidden gem, it doesn’t cost much to live in Columbus. In fact, it costs less than the national average ($0.89 for every dollar you would spend elsewhere). Depending on your neighborhood and your willingness to live with roommates, it’s easy to find a place to live for under $450 a month including utilities.

Columbus is also a really easy city to get around. The freeways are well designed and maintained, so that even as we grow, rush hour traffic rarely adds more than ten minutes to any commute. And while the public transit in this town isn’t award worthy, it isn’t awful either. COTA, our bus system, is fairly reliable and free for OSU and CCAD students.

On the surface, the Columbus LGBTQ scene looks kind of guy heavy, but for us, the community feels pretty united. We’ve all have close gay guy friends, and have spent a lot of time in gay bars. We’ve also seen a lot of guys at Wall Street and Slammers. We’ve always felt welcomed and like family, and hope our guys feel the same.

Columbus Ohio!

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

Here/Queer: Boogie Down Bronx Edition

My friends laughed when I mentioned the topic of this piece. Gay life in the Bronx? Yeah ok, good luck with that. Truth: this piece would be a hell of a lot easier to write if I lived in Brooklyn or Manhattan. That’s where the real lesbosexy stuff is and that’s where the rest of us flock to get laid and get twisted.

But I LIVE in the Bronx, and I’m proud of that.

It’s not that there aren’t any homos in the Bx. Actually, it’s bursting with hot young happy queers of all shades and degrees of presentation. What’s different here is the ability or lack thereof to sustain queer enterprises such as bars, clubs, and bookstores. Although the economic structure of the Bronx is diverse, in the areas I’ve experienced there isn’t enough disposable income for GLBTQ hot spots to thrive (and what money there is to spend almost always goes to the Yankees.) That’s the rule. The community I live in can’t maintain an all-queer space in the same way it can’t maintain something like a Whole Foods or a fancy organic dry cleaner. It doesn’t mean that we don’t do our thing. It doesn’t mean we don’t support each other or individual business owners or community centers, like the Bronx Pride Center. It just means that for big things to get poppin’, we generally have to figure it out for ourselves.

So finding homolicious thangs to do in the Bronx takes a little creativity and some fearlessness. Without exclusively homo safe spots, we’ve got to exist in the open at all times and not give any fucks. But that’s what Bronx life is like for all of us: Not giving ANY fucks. The Bronx is the birthplace of salsa music, hip-hop, break-dancing and the best damn pizza on the planet. Eat that, Brooklyn.

Here is a do-it-yourself guide for enjoying a queerified Bronx on a date or with your homegirls.

The Date

You like a chick. Want to take her out to do things, and are tired of the same-old same-old.

Take her to the Bronx Zoo! (2300 Southern Boulevard, Bronx NY 10460)

It’s FREE on Wednesdays, by the way, for all of us who are on budget but still want some lovin’. Now some of you may have issues with animals in captivity and I totes get that, but the Bronx Zoo is so on point with preservation and maintaining natural habitats etc. that it’s ok to let those feelings slide for a day and enjoy yourself. First, you MUST check out the Butterfly Garden. It’s like entering an old school hot air balloon filled with butterflies. Hold hands and watch them land on your chest, and watch this chick you’re on a date with turn into a fucking butterfly princess. Can you handle that? There is nothing more romantic anywhere in New York, seriously.

After that, if you haven’t exploded from all of the warm yummy feelings, head over to the sea lions. At 11am and 3pm, they feed those cute bastards. For half an hour, you’re allowed to relive your childhood while pressed shoulder to shoulder with your date. If she smells good and is laughing, then you’re in the best spot ever. Sea lions are like lesbians. They love water, acting foolish and getting treats for doing tricks. You will essentially die of cuteness at the Bronx Zoo. So what if there are kids and families around? They’re not looking at you and your boo holding hands. They’re too busy making sure the kids don’t get eaten by monkeys. Note: It’s also fun to play spot the queermos at the Zoo.

So you went to the Zoo, now it’s time to go to the beach!

Wait, there’s a beach in the Bronx? Yes, Virginia, there is indeed a beach in the Bx but I wouldn’t go swimming in that shit. Orchard Beach (1-99 Orchard Beach Rd, Bronx, NY 10464) serves two queer purposes: First, there’s a boardwalk for lady scoping, in-lining and general loitering. Second, it can be super romantic if you go at the right time…

For Bro-Dates and Chick Watching

Go in season, on the weekend, in the middle of a sweltering July because there will be hordes of half naked women, predominantly of color, basking in the sun waiting to be devoured. Yes, you have to share the space with non-homos but once again, no one gives one goddamn if you’re gay or whatever. Set up a blanket, lesbian pulp fiction novels, bust out some illegal beverages*, a blunt and people/hot chicks will make their way to you. I promise.

*Stop at a bodega on the way in and ask for a ‘nutcracker’. You’ll get an alcoholic drank in a Styrofoam cup that will have you on your ass while tasting like Kool-Aid.

For Romance

After you leave the Zoo, a Wednesday afternoon during early June is the perfect time for romancing the queer of your dreams at Orchard. Hold hands, walk the Boardwalk, climb rocks, and swing on the swings (cuz there’s a playground!). Watch the old Puerto Rican dudes play handball (FYI handball is Puerto Rican Tennis: rackets + a blue rubber ball & concrete wall) and revel in this little spot of beauty in an otherwise congested and gritty borough. The majority of the beach will belong to just the two of you.

For a drink on the way out, stop at City Island and check out JP’s Seafood restaurant (703 Minnieford Avenue Bronx, NY 10464). The booths are cozy and the place is dark with a view of the water. Here’s where timing comes into play: I don’t do City Island on the weekends. I’m bougie and that places turns into a Terror Squad video and I’m so not into that. Love this track, love my Bronx people but I’m not into this scene unless it’s full of lesbians.

Don’t like seafood? Good. Me neither. Gross. Wanna ditch Orchard Beach before the masses invade your love fest? I’ve got two spots for you: The Curry Spot and Brisas Del Caribe.

The Curry Spot (4268 Katonah Avenue Bronx, NY 10470) is a traditional Indian food restaurant in the North Bronx. It does banging business off its delivery. What does that have to do with anything? Well, it means that you and your date will have the entire place to yourselves for dinner. The waitstaff dudes are happy you’re there and don’t care what you are or how you identify, as long as you like the food.

Brisas Del Caribe (1207 Castle Hill Avenue Bronx, NY 10462): Holy crap, Brisas is the BEST spot for Puerto Rican food!

If everyone’s Rican grandma, aunt and mom shut themselves in a kitchen and cooked just for you, this is the food magic that would occur. This place is ALWAYS busy, crammed full of hungry hungry POCs and foodie types. Don’t be surprised if the waitresses give you an attitude, like I said, we don’t give a flying one but the food is as delicious as the attitudes are big. The eats are cheap and deliciosos. Order: arroz con habichuelas rosadas, maduros, dos coronas y mofongo de camarones. Your taste buds will thank you and no I won’t translate. Just trust me, baby. Your date will think you’ve morphed into Shakira and you will for sures get laid.

Cruising, more date stuff and CULTURE!

Looking for a fresh pair of timbs, some fly urban gear and possibly a smoking hot AG girlfriend to make your own? Head to Fordham Road at the intersection of E 190th Street. Bring cash and be ready to walk. Fordham has everything. Hit up the street vendors for accessories like Virgin Mary bracelets, rainbow graffiti belts and all the hot shit hipsters haven’t assimilated and regurgitated yet.

Hit up V.I.M. for flannels, t-shirts, timbs and XXL gear. You’ll walk past Footaction, Dr. Jay’s and enough sneaker stores to fill your fetish for fresh footwear. For grub, skip the Popeyes and head for Maria’s Taco stand. $5 gets you the best set of tacos and a drink in the area. Also, it’s a prime spot to chill and take in the scene. Maria’s stand is right by the Metro North Train station and the bus depot. Peep the Fordham U girls in all their glory (that is if you’re not on a date. If you are, keep your eyes on her, asshole.)

Bronx Park Billiards & Café: (2020 White Plains Road NY 10462) Café my ass. It’s more bar and billiards than café but mofos wanna be fancy so whatever. Thursday night is Ladies’ Night which means mad heteros on dates and mad HOMOS!!! Chicas play for free after 8pm and the top floor becomes a mega cluster of lesbians. I’ve definitely run amok here and woke up with so many random numbers and photos in my phone. All it takes is one smile and a hello to break the often impenetrable lesbian ice. The hip hop music plays all night and the spacious playing area makes it a great lounging spot. Note: On other nights of the week, especially Friday and Saturday nights, it can get a little hot. Police and security are needed but dudes like to fight so whatever. Either go home or just go on Thursday. Shit, it’s still the Bronx, you know?

Check out The Bronx Academy of Arts and Dance (841 Barretto Street , Bronx , NY ). Their upcoming BAAD!Ass Women’s Art Festival is happening March 16th-31st. March 30th is their spoken word segment featuring wickedly talented queer artists J Skye Cabrera and Karen Jaime. It is a must see event, fer realz. Bring your date. Show her that you’ve got your pulse set to ALL the hot queer events errryyywhere.

One last thing about queer culture in the Bronx, it’s also an organic thing. My queer experience in the Bx initially relied on one friend of mine, Marisol Smalls, and her Lesbian Lunacy parties.

Mari invited every lesbian she knew and encouraged all of her guests to invite all the lesbians they knew and viola! Through word of mouth and obsessive social networking, the grandest most EPIC of lesbian house parties were thrown!

Those are Mari’s

Seriously, no club or ladies night or girl party could have ever introduced me to other queers the way Mari’s parties did. That’s how we do shit in the Bronx. We don’t wait for someone to invest in a space and try to start a queer night, we start our own. Mari is still doing her thing, creating events for women of color and spreading out to the other boroughs. Check her out on Twitter to be up on the latest shenanigans.

Also, Bronx Gay Pride is celebrated with a huge festival.

Last year it was held in Crotona Park, and I was able to volunteer with the HRC for the day. I met a million beautiful queers of all races, colors, sizes and identities. Growing up, I thought I was the only homo in the Bronx. But the instant visibility and feeling of family at Pride felt so freeing, like I could finally relax. It’s a queer event definitely worth hauling your gay self up out of the haze of Manhattan for an afternoon and seeing another side of life in New York.

I hope this guide brings more beautiful women to my badass borough. It definitely doesn’t represent everyone’s Bronx experience, though. Maybe some of you know gay places in the Bx that I haven’t been to. Like the alleged gay night at club Warehouse on the Grand Concourse that could just be the stuff of legends. Have you been there? Is it real? I’d love to hear about it all! The Bronx is for lovers, especially lesbosexy ones.

Queer Girl City Guide: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

0. 2/20/2012 – Here/Queer Call for Submissions, by Riese
1. 3/02/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Montreal, Canada, by Sid
2. 3/05/2012 – Playlist: Here/Queer, by Riese
3. 3/05/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Portland, Oregon, by Lesbians in PDX
4. 3/07/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Brighton, United Kingdom, by Sarah Magdalena
5. 3/07/2012 – Oh But To Be A Queer in Sicily, by Jenn
6. 3/08/2012 – City Guide: Seattle, by Marley
7. 3/11/2012 – City Guide: Washington DC, by Keena
8. 3/13/2012 – Here/Queer: Sydney Mardi Gras Is On Your To-Do List, by Crystal
9. 3/14/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Spokane, Washington, by Ana
10. 3/15/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Cleveland, Ohio, by Lora
11. 3/16/2012 – Madison, WI and W4W Entertainment, by Emily
12. 3/16/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Dublin, Ireland, by Una
13. 3/19/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Vancouver, Canada, by Kathryn

Hello ladies! My name is Kathryn and I have the distinct pleasure of introducing you to my hometown: Vancouver, British Columbia. Although I was born and raised right in central Van, I’ve only been out for just over a year, so I’m still getting comfortable in the queer scene. If any of you are Vancouver Queer Scene experts — and I imagine that you are — please give your own tips in the comments!

Oh, Canada!

Vancouver’s North Shore

In addition to being a naturally spectacular city, Vancouver is one of the most LGBT friendly cities in Canada, second only to Toronto or maybe Montreal. Homosexuality was made legal in Canada in 1969 and the province of British Columbia has had same-sex marriage equality since 2003. Personally, I’ve never encountered overt or violent homophobia and I feel like most people are indifferent, which is awesome.

When people do stare, or ask questions, its usually out of basic curiosity and not animosity. Our country’s citizens have a reputation for being polite and friendly and this kindness is usually extended to all minority groups including LGBTs. I know we’re responsible for Bieber, but Canada loves the gays, y’all.

Pride

West End

The annual Pride Parade shows our city’s spirit and attracts over 600,000 unique spectators from all over the lower mainland and beyond. Everyone from the mayor to members of small social justice groups participate in this event. It’s organized by the Vancouver Pride Society, a non-profit organization that hosts a multitude of LGBT events all year round. I had the opportunity to volunteer for them as an office assistant last year and the amount of dedication and work that goes into planning pride is staggering.

The Festival typically takes place on the B.C. day long weekend (the last one in July), and includes the Davie Street Dance Party, the Terry Wallace Memorial Breakfast, the Parade and the Sunset Beach Festival. It’s one crazy, half-remembered, sparkly, rainbow filled weekend full of homosexual magic. You should come.

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Welcome to the Gaybourhood

There are two main gaybourhoods: The Davie Street area (aka the West End) and the Commercial Drive area. Davie Street is host to a multitude of fabulous gay bars including Celebrities, Numbers, the Junction, 1181, and the Fountainhead. Saturday is Dyke night at Oasis Ultra Lounge, which is opportunely located above a 24 hour Denny’s. I’ve frequented said establishment for many drunken 4am eating binges that I’m not proud of. The best/worst part is, there’s a jukebox, and I remember on one occasion a posse of annoyingly drunk straight girls managed to get the whole restaurant to sing along with them to “Shape of my Heart” by the Backstreet Boys. Good times? Who knows, but I digress.

Little Sister’s

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LGBT Bookstores

The West End is also home to Little Sister’s, which I believe is the only LGBT bookstore in the city. This little hidden away treasure has long been the subject of controversy. They’ve fought a long battle against government censorship, seizure of materials at customs, and even violent attacks.

I’m a former film school student, so believe me when I say that The National Film Board of Canada is an amazing institution that has produced some of the most memorable material in our nation’s history. They created a documentary about this store called Little Sister’s vs. Big Brother, that is hard to find, but totally worth watching because it interviews some important authors like Jane Rule and Sarah Schulman.

It’s ironic that a government funded body created a piece critiquing the government. But then again, we have publicly funded news here that’s subject to an arms length government commission (the CBC), so I guess it’s not so strange.

The Drive

Anyways, The West End, although friendly to all the colours of the rainbow, is mostly populated by gay men. Commercial Drive is where the lesbians are at. This funky east side neighbourhood is located at a major transit hub (the Sky Train) and originally hosted a large Italian Canadian population. More recently, the drive has been taken over by poor students, hipsters and dykes. The annual Vancouver Dyke March, which is led by the awesome Rainbow Concert (Marching) Band, takes place on Commercial during Pride. There are many affordable bars, various “ethnic” restaurants and coffee shops all along that street. The best place to have coffee and check out cute gay ladies is definitely Cafe Deux Soleil, which also hosts poetry slams, open mic nights and live bands. (I know, awesome right?)

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Music Scene

Vancouver has a phenomenal indie music scene. Bands like The New Pornographers, The Organ (featured on The L Word), Mother Mother, and Hot Hot Heat all got their start in B.C. Tegan and Sara are originally from Calgary, but Tegan and her partner have lived here for a while. I tell you this just incase you want to stalk them and ask them awkward questions about how they got to be so darn cute.

Some hidden gem bands I will shamelessly promote are:

+ Wizerdz
+ Aunts and Uncles
+ Joyce Collingwood
+ Synthcake
+ Tyranahorse
+ Hey Ocean

Some of those kids went to my high school, just sayin’. UBC’s CiTR radio and CBC Radio 2 plays some pretty good stuff. You can catch these bands and others at places like, the Railway Club, the Biltmore Cabaret, and the Croatian Cultural Centre.

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Bars/Nightclubs

Sadly, there aren’t any strictly lesbian bars/venues in Vancouver, rather lesbian friendly nights at certain clubs. There used to be a lesbian bar named Lick, but it closed down last year. It was kind of a dive, but it had Turkish Oil Wrestling, which, let’s face it, is super hot.

Shrine to the one and only Jimi Hendrix

In my modest opinion, a company called Fly Girl Productions organizes the best events. “Hershe Bar” typically takes place on the Sunday of every long weekend at Red Room Ultra Bar or Canvas Lounge. Popular DJs at Hershe include DJ Riki Rocket, DJ Kasey Riot and DJ Miss M, all of whom are smoking hot.

During pride, the event moves to Gossip Nightclub and Blvd 22, which are conveniently located right beside each other! One side blasts filthy Dubstep, and the other a combo of new and old dance hits. I’m partial to both, so it’s always a good time. It’s literally “where the girls are.” 560 on Seymour also has lesbian friendly nights.

However, if you’re really looking for a good time, you must attend a Man Up drag show featuring the intoxicating stage presence of the MC and co-creator: Pony Boy. Man Up takes place at The Cobalt, a dive bar on Main Street that’s been re-appropriated by hipsters and queers alike. The show features lip syncing and dancing acts that leave you wanting more. Also, there is quite a following for Bloody Betty Burlesque shows, which are also held at the Cobalt and tend to be a gruesome good time, although not really my cup of tea.

The Cobalt

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Theatre

If you’re looking to see a more traditional live show, there are some tremendous little theatre companies in Vancouver. The Arts Club Theatre and Waterfront Theatre on Granville Island put on some pretty awesome stuff, considering there isn’t really much a budget. The Fringe Festival, which takes place in September, is a perfect way to get acquainted with the underground theatre scene. Even though the government has been consistently cutting funding for the arts, locals have banded together to support theatre companies and keep the culture alive. That’s how much this city loves a good musical.

There’s also a great outdoor Shakespearean festival every summer called Bard on the Beach. The staging sometimes makes it difficult to hear, but the acting is always top notch.

Granville Street Bridge

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Restaurants

There are so many great and culturally diverse restaurants in Vancouver, its hard to know where to begin. This city is extremely multicultural, but Toronto still wins. There’s a massive Asian population here, and I’m proud to be one of millions of Chinese Canadians.

There are also large Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese, Filipino, and Indian populations here. You should definitely tour Vancouver’s historic Chinatown and visit Sun Yat-Sen Gardens.

Sun Yat-Sen Gardens

If you’re feeling like some authentic Chinese food, I recommend Sun Sui Wah, Hon’s Wun Tun House, Congee Noodle House, or the Kirin if you want something fancy pants. If it’s Japanese you seek, Vancouver has the best sushi selection in Canada. There’s pretty much a sushi bar on every block downtown. I’m partial to Toshi, Shiro, Hokkaido Ramen Santouka, and Ajisai. If you’re feeling a little more adventurous, try Japadog (Japanese style hog dogs), Guu, The Eatery or Hapa Izakaya. I could go on forever, but I won’t.

Other popular restaurants include Feenie’s, Vij’s, Las Margaritas, Nuba, Havana and Blue Water Café. Also, the best Vietnamese hole in the wall that I love dearly, is Au Petit Café on Main near 33rd. It’s a family business with the best pho in town.

Chinatown

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Sports

Up in the Great White North, we really do enjoy us a good old hockey game. The Vancouver Canucks are a fantastic team — we almost won the Stanley Cup last season! Our loss in the Seventh game of the finals to the Bruins was heartbreaking, and worse than that, fuelled a massive riot downtown that caused millions of dollars in damage and cast a shadow on the reputation of our respectful city. It was a haunting echo of a similar occurrence in 1994. Police are still in the process of pressing charges. On a lighter note, we’re doing well this season and will most definitely make it to the playoffs. If you’d like to see a game, they play regularly at Rogers Arena, but the ticket prices are exorbitant.

The B.C. Lions, our football team for the CFL, also won the Grey Cup last year, but there is less spectatorship for this sport. There’s also a soccer team called the Whitecaps, who are off to a good start this season.

College Life

Speaking of competitive sport, there are two major universities in the Vancouver area. They are the University of British Columbia and Simon Fraser University. I have had the privilege of attending both, so I can give you a semi-fair opinion.

UBC is a top-notch school, but tends to be little elitist. Most of the funding goes towards the Sciences, Engineering and Medicine. The picturesque campus is located on the western tip of the Point Grey area and is surrounded on three sides by ocean. Wreck Beach, Vancouver’s only nude friendly beach, is a 10-15 minute walk away from residence. Unfortunately, Pride UBC is kind of a joke. Maybe it was a fluke, but the only event I went to was a dance that consisted of a tiny room with a dude dancing by himself, two girls making out in a corner, and an Italian soda bar. The horror! The queer ladies tend to hang out at the Women’s Centre, which is tucked away in a corner on the top floor of the Student Union Building beside the Pride office. It’s hard to find, so the space is generally empty, but it has nice couches for taking naps.

Science World

SFU is also an excellent school, but its main campus is located in Burnaby (east of Van) and is considered to be a commuter school. The “Academic Quadrangle” is literally built on top of a mountain that overlooks the greater Vancouver area. A brand new downtown campus for the contemporary arts was just constructed, and some classes are held at Harbour Centre, which is in the heart of the city. More funding is provided for fine and performing arts and the school provides other programs not offered at UBC like Health Sciences, Computer Science and Criminology. SFU’s LGBT centre, named Out on Campus, has a much more inviting atmosphere. I’ve met some legitimately awesome people there and it’s not cliquey at all. If you want to check out cute queer ladies and get some exercise, join the women’s ultimate team (duh).

What’s It Like To Live Here, I Mean Really Live Here

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows though. If you are considering moving to this beautiful city, you must take into account that its rains, like ALOT, and the cost of living here is ridiculous. Rent prices are staggering and the only affordable places for students are East Van and the outlying suburbs. Culturally, East Van is where its at, but you’ll still pay anywhere from $400-$1000 a month for a one bedroom. This is balls considering that minimum wage was only recently raised to $9.50/hour and we pay some of the highest tax rates in Canada.

Burrard Street Bridge

It must also be mentioned that our current Federal Conservative government, which is frankly a mild version of the Republican equivalent, has been cutting funding for important social programs such as welfare and pension plans and diverting it towards building prisons. You know what’s great though? We have more than two parties to vote for! The left leaning Liberals and the further left New Democratic Party form the opposition against the evil Conservative reign in Parliament led by the weasel-faced Prime Minister: Stephen Harper. (I’m not biased at all.) There’s also the environmentally conscious Green Party, who nobody really takes seriously enough.

Although our mayor, Gregor Robertson is an avid environmentalist. He rides a bike to work, pushes an eco-friendly agenda and owns a popular brand of organic smoothie drinks called “Happy Planet”. Anyways, I usually support the NDP because they are the only party with candidates who have an LGBT agenda. As a joke, I once voted for the Marxist-Leninist candidate in my riding. I know, I’m a pinko-commie traitor. Only in Canada my friends!

Granville Island Market

Admittedly, although a great nation, Canada is far from perfect. I must also acknowledge the government’s disgraceful treatment of our Aboriginal population. Native peoples are given tax credits and government funding, but are limited to reserves, some of which are in desperate need of basic provisions, like clean water. There are upwards of a hundred unique tribes in the lower mainland alone, each with a distinct language and set of cultural traditions. Many argue that B.C. has appropriated Native cultures and arts in order to create a sense of “West Coast” identity and promote tourism. Stores in popular tourist areas like Gastown and Robson Street that offer “authentic” Native artwork or cheap imitations, are perfect examples of this phenomenon.

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Insight into Insite

If you’ve got thick skin and care to see the seedy underbelly of Vancouver, because it’s a major part of the city’s character, you should venture to the downtown east side during the day, where drug use and homelessness are at an all time high.

There’s been a lot of controversy over the opening of a safe injection site called Insite near Main and Hastings in recent years. Insite has been proven to save lives, but almost faced government enforced closure due to the ethical ramifications and negative public opinion. Regardless, homelessness remains a huge problem in this city that has been ignored for too long, and it was a subject of major debate when we hosted the 2010 Olympic Winter Games.

Vancouver Art Gallery

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Closing Statement

In summary, it pays to know someone who lives here, incase you ever want to experience Pride weekend or spend some time up at Whistler. The skiing/snowboarding here is amazing, but again, super expensive. Nothing good comes cheap. There are so many reasons to visit and/or live in this amazing place I call home. I’d love to show you around and let you see for yourself. So please, come to Canada, eh?

photo via gettyimages

Queer Girl City Guide: Dublin, Ireland

Dublin is the HQ of the Irish LGBT scene. In a city of one and a half million people, it’s where queers from the rest of the country tend to gravitate towards so the queer population is disproportionately larger than that of the rest of Ireland. I recall in the past there was some bizarre statistic about there being more gays in Dublin per capita than in San Francisco, although it was probably just part of an overstated hook for people to write stuff about the ‘pink economy’. Over the past decade, there’s been an explosion in international communities emigrating here, so the scene is pretty diverse, especially on the male side. Also in the past decade, there’s been a sea change in the city and it’s becoming increasingly gay friendly.

I’ve lived here my whole 29 years, worked in the city centre as a journalist and broadcaster, and have DJ’d on and off the queer scene. Like most cities where things are constantly evolving and sometimes backtracking, everything is in a state of flux. You’re talking about a country where homosexuality was finally decriminalized in 1993, divorce was only officially legalized in 1997, abortion is still illegal and selling or purchasing alcohol on Good Friday during Easter weekend is banned. But you’re also talking about a city that likes to party, a city that has a young population that is growing up without ever knowing the days of social conservatism. So despite dealing with a conservative Catholic hangover and dealing with the current economic shitstorm that’s led to 1,000 people emigrating every week, the scene still has it going on.

A cultural note about local Dublin nomenclature: the postcode numbers are easy to figure out, 1 and 2 are the city centre, even numbers are southside, odd ones are northside.

Public Houses and Party Houses

Essentially, Dublin city centre is a neighbourhood. Split between the vaguely gentrified southside and the more rough and ready northside by the river Liffey, you’ve also got the tourist quarter of Temple Bar on the banks of the southside. The pub is the number one destination for tourists heading to Dublin, and there’s a reason for that: there are loads of them, and it’s the main social outlet for Dubliners and people living and visiting here.

There are no strictly lesbian bars per se, but one of the advantages of living in a small city that mightn’t be able to sustain a scene divided on gender is that clubs are pretty mixed and host stand-alone nights catering to guys or girls. Gay boys, gay chicks and everyone in between happily coexist within the same environs, with many people preferring gender and sexuality-mixed spaces.

The Front Lounge

The Front Lounge (3 Parliament Street, Dublin 2)
The Front Lounge, or ‘Flounge’ is pretty much the favourite pre-clubbing drinking spot in town. Or, you know, mid-week accidental wine and cocktail drinking establishment (AKA a place to mack on lesbian “professionals”) It’s a cool bar with rolling temporary queer-ish art exhibitions, a nice staff and an occasionally rowdy atmosphere if there’s a rugby match on or during Tuesday’s hit-and-miss karaoke sessions. Decent cocktails (two for one on Thursdays) and a slightly older crowd (late 20s, 30s and 40s) in comparison to the more hectic club scene make it a long-established chill place to hang out. It’s split on a lower level and upper level by a few steps, and for whatever evolutionary reason (stair-climbing aversion?) chicks tend to hand out on the lower floor.

PantiBar (8 Capel Street, Dublin 1)
Run by the doyenne of the Irish drag scene, Panti, this bar is queerer than the more commercial clubs in the city and its programming shows it. Thursdays are Make and Do-Do, a free craft night where competitors grab pipe cleaners and plasticine and work on creating something around a weekly theme in order to win a bottle of vodka. Every week without fail, no matter what the theme is, someone will make a giant dick or something to do with insulting the Pope. Fridays host The Hutch by northern drag queen Bunny, she of impossibly miniscule waist and cutting tongue. It’s a free cabaret night with queer and lesbian burlesque, musical interludes, drag, performance art and whatever you’re having yourself. Saturday night Panti and Bunny team up for a drag show that covers everything from interpretations of soap operas to Joan Crawford movies, X Factor performances, pictionary and Whitney Houston interviews. It’s also dog-friendly, with a pool table in the basement, decent pop on the stereo, awesomely designed posters as décor, and a vending machine selling butt plugs and lube.

The George (89 South George’s Street, Dublin 2)
Generally the first stop for anyone who transitions from coming out to going out, The George is the oldest gay bar in the country. It’s been an institution of drinking, flirting, hook ups, fun and drama for 25 years, and fits the template for your typical cheesy, drag-heavy, poptastic gay club. Everyone from Kelis to No Bra has performed here, and bingo on Sundays with the rather brilliant drag queen, Shirley Temple Bar has been going since 1997. Conversations beginning with “so I ended up in The G” can either be of the joyous or shame spiral kind, depending on your tastes.

PRHOMO at The Dragon

The Dragon (64 South George’s Street Dublin 2)
A few doors up from The George is The Dragon, a loud, high octane gay club with dancers on scaffolding over the bar and a sticky dancefloor. It can be quite male, although the student night PRHOMO on Thursdays brings out plenty of young dykes who come to dance to pop remixes from scene stalwart DJ Ruth and order cheap shots.

Mother (Saturday nights @Copper Alley, Jamestown, Dublin 2)
One of the best queer nights on the scene, Mother focuses on the music; it’s synth pop, disco and quality electronic tunes in a small basement club opposite the back of the Front Lounge. As a profit share for the national publication GCN (Gay Community News), it pulls in a fun queer crowd who are there to let loose. Recent guest DJs have included JD Samson and Austra.

Bitches Be Crazy (secret venues)
Now I may be biased because I’m the resident DJ at BBC, but this is the best thing to happen to the lesbian scene in Dublin in years. It’s a shutter-down speakeasy vibe where patrons bring their own booze and dance until the early hours of the morning and has taken place so far in two secret warehouse and studio venues in the city. Yes there are mass sing-a-longs to everything from ‘212’ and ‘You Oughta Know,’ yes the two dykes running the joint, Katie and Ragin, occasionally have to stop frisky chicks from getting it on and yes it sells out every time it’s on. The popularity of Bitches Be Crazy amongst dykes has spread to queer boys keen to hit up something different on the scene, adding a more non-gender-exclusive vibe.

Cacophony (@Thomas House, 86 Thomas Street, Dublin 8)
Run by artivist Will St Leger who formerly hosted Mother, Cacophony is a queer club night with live music from lesbian punk-ish bands and queer alternative rock outfits. Gritty and rocking.

Sauce (@The Kitchen, East Essex Street, Temple Bar, Dublin 2)
The reopened Kitchen nightclub (owned by Bono and The Edge) didn’t really bring back the dance music explosion we’d hoped for, but Sauce on Sundays is holding its own as a dance-music-orientated gay night.

Sunday Social (@The Sycamore, Purty Kitchen, Temple Bar, Dublin 2)
Across the street from The Kitchen, the Sunday Social happens in the rooftop bar of the Sycamore Club. Pray that the elevator is working and you don’t have to walk up flights and flights of stairs. This is decent night for people who are going hell for leather at the weekend, want a pint to round off the weekend, or restaurant and bar worker on their night off. The open rooftop means you can smoke without trekking downstairs.

Glitz (Tuesdays @Dandelion, 130-133 St Stephen’s Green)
You know when you walk into a big club and think “WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?” that’s Glitz to me. Home to X Factor stars performances and ear-blistering pop, it’s for people who should know better than to go out on a Tuesdays night and those that do but still go.

Dyke-Magnet Bars

In the absence of having a lesbian bar to hit up, there are obviously several other joints that lesbians gravitate towards. This is just a loose list because you could add in dozens and dozens of pubs in the city centre but then you’d be reading this FOREVER and go blind and that wouldn’t be good.

The Garage and the Workmans (10 Wellington Quay, Temple Bar, Dublin 2)
The Garage Bar is a sawdust-on-the-floor, wooden-stools-under-your-ass friendly trash bar, with loud rock music, unisex bathrooms, and cheap pitchers of beer. It backs on to The Workmans, a relatively newly refurbished music venue and two-storey bar with a vast smoking area that lay dormant for a years before being re-opened in 2010 with a lick of paint, alcoholic ginger beer in the fridge and decent DJs rocking indie, electronic and generally quality tunes. The clientele is young and therefore a good space for playing the never-ending ‘hipster or dyke?’ game. Downstairs in the venue gigs and comedy nights fill most evenings, with acts such as Anna Calvi, Gold Panda, Dan Le Sac vs Scroobious Pip packing the room.

Hogans (35-37 South George’s Street/Fade Street, Dublin 2)
An open, woody, relaxed bar with low-lying tables, Hogans has long been a gay-friendly establishment, but gets slightly taken over by shirts at the weekend.

Kelly’s (35-37 South George’s Street/Fade Street, Dublin 2)
Upstairs from Hogans over an excellent French restaurant L’Gueuleton is this bar. A snail sign outside mean some people call it ‘the snail bar’, but the lack of a name means it’s also referred to as ‘the No Name bar’, the ‘secret bar’ (not very secret) or ‘Kelly’s’, given that’s the name of the boutique hotel it’s actually in. A cool lounge with a smoking area underneath a marquee, it gets packed late at the weekends, but is decent for an after work cocktail, or pre-club, um, cocktail.

Twisted Pepper (54 Middle Abbey Street, Dublin 1)
Hosting probably the best, and certainly the most cutting edge, dance music acts in town, the Twisted Pepper draws in a young hip crowd into techno, dubstep and beyond. In the daytime, there’s a bookshop upstairs, an excellent café 3fe on the main floor and an independent record store called Elastic Witch in the back. The collective that run this place, Bodytonic, also have a old-man’s-pub-turned-hipster-Mecca called The Bernard Shaw in South Richmond Street, Portobello, Dublin 2 that’s also a good place to hang out. Especially if you were born in the 1990s.

WAR (@Andrews Lane Theatre, 9 Andrew Lane, Dublin 2)
WAR is the bastion of pop in the city, a polysexual party where shit gets cray. The age profile is young (18 to early 20s max), Britney is God, and every raised surface is danced upon.

Mother @ Cooper Alley

Grogans (15 South William Street, Dublin 2)
With a wraparound on-street seating and smoking area, you’d be hard pushed to find a better people-watching spot in town. Grogans is the low-fi type of place that you’ll always spot a mate sitting outside, and will inevitably be dragged over to have a pint of Guinness and a ham, cheese and mustard toasted sandwich. Cluttered with art inside, writers, artists, musicians, and people with generally little better to do during the day, try to get to the bar past the guys who have been sitting on stools there for the past thirty years. A Dublin institution, and the only place to laze away a Sunday afternoon.

Restaurants and Cafes

Al’s Stage Door
A perfect people watching spot with a rainbow flag flying outside, populated by Temple Bar residents theatreheads taking a break from the Project Arts Centre nearby.

The Larder (8 Parliament Street, Dublin 2)
Opposite the Front Lounge, the Larder is a gay-friendly restaurant that backs onto Crane Lane where a trio of a gay sauna, pizza joint Skinflint, and strip club call home. Their cheap steak night is a draw for dating lesbians and gays going for a pre-Flounge meal.

L Mulligan Grocer (18 Stoneybatter, Dublin 7)
Dykey by virtue of it being in the Stoneybatter neighbourhood, Mulligans is a old school pub and foodery that focuses on good quality Irish victuals; think scotch eggs, mussels, vegetable pies and fish and chips washed down with craft beers and whiskey.

CrackBird (60 Dame Street, Dublin 2)
A pop-up that became stationary, CrackBird is chicken heaven with four-packs of beers, resident DJs, a hot staff, and a young crowd chowing down on soy garlic chicken legs and semolina chicken crunches.

Skinflint (19 Crane Lane, Dublin 2) A sister of CrackBird, Skinflint serves up pizza named after the staff members’ mothers. If you’re into vermouth, the Lady Winter cocktail is a winner.

Cornucopia (20 Wicklow Street, Dublin 2)
A casual wholefood and vegetarian café/restaurant that has been on the go since 1986.

Café Irie (11 Fownes Street, Temple Bar, Dublin 2)
A veggie-heavy creaky but cool café upstairs from a vintage store in Temple Bar, Café Irie is as chilled as its name, with decent healthy sandwiches, wraps, soups, salads and juices filling the menu.

Foam Café (24 Great Strand Street, Dublin 1)
Around the corner from Dublin’s small Italian quarter, Foam has head-spinning décor; it’s as if a drag queen exploded upstairs. We’re talking about a picnic bench under a pink feathered umbrella, bright artwork crowding the walls, and random sculptures and light fittings jostle for space. Comfy couches mean you can lounge around reading magazines until the colour scheme gets too much.

Love, Angel, Music, Baby

Pride
Pride is obviously the big one. Taking place over the last week in June, Dublin Pride Festival sees the usual mix of club, live music, family, historical, and community events over a week before a massive party on parade day. The parade marches through the entire city, culminating in a concert at the outdoor amphitheatre of Dublin City Council’s civic offices. Endless street parties, packed clubs, and general craziness ensues, with the Dyke Night club event usually taking place the Friday before the parade.

Alternative Miss Ireland
It’s hard to explain AMI to people who haven’t been. Even the organizers’ own description of it as an event “expanding definitions of beauty through spectacle and gender augmentation” doesn’t do it justice. Taking place on the Sunday after St. Patrick’s Day (this year is the final one, a retrospective event taking place in 2013), AMI gathers queers of all gender identities, sexualities, shapes, sizes, races and levels of fabulousness to crown an annual Queen through a hilarious pageant. Known colloquially as ‘Gay Christmas’ it’s one of the biggest, most fun, queerest, and bizarre nights in the calendar. The after-parties are legendary, it sells out the Olympia Theatre well in advance every year, is dedicated to raising money for Irish HIV/AIDS charities, and guaranteed, every gay, lesbian and/or/other will have already booked the Monday after it off work (or in some cases the entire next week) to recover.

Forbidden Fruit(grounds of the Royal Hospital Kilmainham / Irish Museum of Modern Art, Dublin 8)
Last year was the first time a large-scale city centre music festival was undertaken and it was quite the success, leading to a three-day event this year with New Order, Death Cab For Cutie, Kool Thing, Austra and The Rapture on the bill amongst others.

Electric Picnic
Not in Dublin, per se, but about an hour and a half outside in Stradbally, County Laois, the Picnic is probably the best music festival in the country and has a strong gay following. A mini-Glastonbury would be pushing it, but its eclectic mix of music, art, randomness and general debauchery makes the summer go out with a bang. This year, The xx, The Cure, Sigur Ros, Azealia Banks and Bat For Lashes are just some of the acts playing.

The Gaybourhood(s)

Like I said, Dublin is a village. Though rarely a day will pass when you don’t bump into someone you know on the street, there are specific neighbourhoods within the city centre that are gayer than others.

Cycle Chic via: Ask About Ireland

Stoneybatter in the north west of the city in Dublin 7 is probably the most lesbian hood you’ll find. I have no idea why dykes are drawn to this part of town. Maybe it’s the old stone cottages that populate a warren of streets, or the few lesbian-ish spots: Walsh’s Pub on Manor Street on Friday nights is a dyke haven, Lilliputs draws those who like their coffee quality and high end, Plan B and Seven are a decent brace of restaurants in addition to Mulligans detailed above. And don’t forget the Sitric Picnic summer block party.

Beginning in Christchurch at the end of Dame Street and extending up to the Grand Canal to the north and Kilmainham to the west, Dublin 8’s cheaper rent, cottages in The Liberities (the oldest residential part of the city), low-rise apartment blocks and proximity to the city centre probably make it the gayest gaybourhood. You wouldn’t know it on the surface, but you will when you end up at a party in the Tenters, Christchurch, Portobello, or the Thomas Street area and realise the number of gays who live within knocking-on-the-door-for-a-cup-of-sugar distance from each other.

Candy From Strangers And Other Dangers

Dublin is a relatively safe and friendly city. But like anywhere else, common sense is useful. So don’t do the obvious and walk alone in deserted areas or alleyways at night or get into a car with people you don’t know. Dubliners strike up conversations with ease, help lost tourists almost instinctively, and offer visitors advice frequently. Sadly, there’s an increasing homeless population, which some perceive to be a nuisance begging outside bars and clubs, but a headshake will see people move on. If something does happen, the city centre isn’t as well policed as some other European or North American cities, so your best bet is to seek out a police (‘garda’) station to report a crime. There are also trained Gay Liaison Officers working in the force to deal with homophobic and transphobic harrasment and violence, and a Garda LGBT Monthly Drop In Service at the Outhouse resource centre on Capel Street, Dublin 1.

Get Your Wellness On

Most gay health services in Dublin are HIV/AIDS/STI-related and male-specific. The Well Woman’s Centre offers three locations citywide. TENI (Transgender Equality Network Ireland) offer advice and support and BeLonGTo Drugs Outreach gives support for young LGBT people with drug and alcohol issues.

LGBT Centres, Resources and Organisations

GCN
The Gay Community News is a one stop shop for everything gay going on in Dublin and nationally, with comprehensive listings of events and organisations.

GLEN
The Gay and Lesbian Equality Network lobby for and liaise with the Irish government to push for equality legislation, like the recently introduced Civil Partnership Bill. GLEN was founded in 1988, but younger gays keen on marriage equality often dismiss them for working too closely with governments and also for leaving the ‘T’ out of LGBT in their work.

Marriage Equality
A highly respected not-for-profit organisation pushing on the single issues of civil marriage for same-sex couples.

LGBT NOISE
A more youth-driven organisation pushing for marriage equality, and organisers of the annual March For Marriage in the city.

TENI
The Transgender Equality Network Ireland was established to seek to improve conditions and advance the rights of trans people in Ireland.

BeLonGTo
A national youth service for young LGBT people aged between 14 and 23 which is also working with the UN on global anti-bullying initiatives.

The National LGBT Helpline
A confidential volunteer-run helpline providing support to LGBT people, their friends and families.

Outhouse (105 Capel Street, Dublin 1)
A community and resource centre for the LGBT community, home to workshops, a café, meeting spaces, drop in centre, and a new theatre.

Ladybirds
A group for young women 14-23 meeting every second Wednesday at 13 Parliament St, Dublin 2.

An Ealaín/The Arts

GAZE
The 20th Dublin International LGBT Film Festival (declaration of interest, I’m a board member) is taking place this summer. GAZE is a weekend-long celebration of innovative queer cinema. Last year everything from the ‘Who Took The Bomp?’ Le Tigre tour documentary, to Celine Sciamma’s beautiful ‘Tomboy’, to the zombie porn horror flick ‘L.A. Zombie’ was screened. Taking place over the August Bank Holiday weekend, it brings together thousands of LGBT peeps who are into the movies, and are partial to a pint in the festival club afterwards.

Gloria via: Journal of Music

The Dublin Fringe Festival
Art gays get their game on during the Fringe festival, which has grown massively in scale over 17 years, now encompassing 40 venues and around 150,000 attendees over two and a half weeks.

The Dublin Gay Theatre Festival
Taking place in May, the Gay Theatre Festival is in its 9th year and is laden with local and international queer theatre. It can be hit and miss in terms of quality, but in a city where theatre is diversifying hugely beyond the traditional realms, holds a key place in the gay arts schedule.

The Project Arts Centre
Not a lesbian space per se, but the Project Arts Centre in Temple Bar is pretty queer. In fact, its creative director is also the current Alternative Miss Ireland champ and reigning queen Mangina Jones. Innovative and brave, its programming hosts queer playwrights like Una McKevitt and queer companies like THEATREclub and thisispopbaby.

Gloria
Every city needs a lesbian and gay choir. Gloria is Dublin’s.

College Life

Dublin is a university town with Trinity College and several Dublin Institute of Technology campuses based in the city centre, along with Dublin City University to the north and University College Dublin to the south and several smaller private colleges in between. So naturally the city has a youthful feel. University education is free in Ireland (apart from increasing student registration fees) so campus life is pretty diverse. Student nights are generally geared towards the “pack ’em in and give ’em cheap booze formula,” but there are LGBT organisations in every university and most colleges in the city participate in Pride and organise Rainbow weeks.

Can’t Get A Date?

It could be said that Dubliners don’t date, they just go to the pub and wait to strike up a conversation that could lead to something else. This is probably still true, although changing, and probably still typifies the girl scene, although gaydargirls.com offers an (often sparse) online outlet. What is striking is how the lesbian population has increased over the past decade. Younger dykes coming out earlier and more populated club nights and gay bars have generally put an end to the ‘same old faces’ buzz, but of course the Dublin chart is as spaghetti-tangled as it is in any other medium-sized city. Like the rest of Dubliners, we’re a friendly bunch, and even though the scene is pretty booze-heavy, that probably just makes it easier to meet and mingle.

Read A Bollocking Book

Even for a literary city, Dublin isn’t immune to the pressure of online bookstores. Oddly enough, despite being a former and current home to many celebrated writers, women’s, lesbian and feminist sections in stores aren’t exactly plentiful. But Books Upstairs, opposite Trinity College on Dame Street, Dublin 2 has a healthily stocked section.

Hair Do and Don’ts

Lunatic Fringe (69 Grafton Street, Dublin 2) Run by Tamar Chambers on Dublin’s most celebrated shopping area, Grafton Street, Lunatic Fringe is the lesbian haircut spot. Tamar is as close to a hair-styling genius as you’ll get anywhere and cares about her craft. A business based on unwavering recommendations confirms the quality of what she does.

Ink

You can’t swing a sleeve in Dublin without hitting a tattoo parlour. Temple Bar is full of them, namely Dublin Ink on Cow’s Lane, Classic Ink on Crow Street, Reinkarnated on Parliament Street and Dublin Art on Fownes Street. Skin City on South William Street also has a good rep, as does Zulu Ink on Great Strand Street.

Sporty Ladies

Gaelic football, camogie, soccer, roller derby and rugby teams are lesbian magnets but as for specifically lesbian teams, there are few notable ones. The Phoenix Tigers are Dublin’s LGBT women’s soccer team established in 2004. The Pink Ladies are a relatively new field hockey team who have already competed internationally, and will be the hosts for this summer’s Dublin Pink Hockey Fest. Dublin Front Runners is a gay men and women’s running club. Saturday Swingers is a lesbian golfers weekly meet up.

(What’s That Got To Do With) The Price of Eggs?

Yup, Dublin is a pretty expensive city, but the economic downturn means that it’s getting cheaper. It’s now the 13th most expensive city in the EU, down from 10th in 2010. A two-bed apartment in the city generally clocks in at around €1,200 per month (around $1,600), but how expensive other stuff is depends on shopping around. A beer will cost you on average €5 ($7) if you’re not somewhere with a drinks promotion and a pack of 20 cigarettes is around €9 ($12).

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

Queer Girl City Guide: Cleveland, Ohio

Have you seen the 30 Rock episode “Flee to the Cleve,” in which Liz Lemon almost moves to Cleveland because everyone is so friendly? Well, it’s pretty much like that. Clevelanders are genuine, working-class, down-to-earth people. You probably won’t get Portlandia-like waves on the sidewalk, but you’ll definitely get some hardcore Midwestern hospitality. Clevelanders that live in the city and inner-ring suburbs are fiercely loyal to (and sometimes a little defensive of) this rust-belt city that has seen its fair share of ups and downs. Visitors or recent transplants can expect people they encounter to be psyched to share their favorite spots around town and general love for the city.

I’ve lived in the Cleveland area for nearly all of my 25 years. This may not be known as a gay mecca, but we recently surprised everyone when we were chosen to be the host of the 2014 Gay Games, so things are about to get real gay, real quick.

Drinking and Dancing

Bounce (2814 Detroit Avenue, Cleveland) is the go-to gay dance club in Cleveland. It’s your best bet for a diverse taste of the Cleveland gay scene: shirtless gay boys, sporty dykes, and everyone in between. They have drag shows every weekend and dancing afterwards. Go to the bathroom before you leave your house.
Church Bar (13751 Madison Ave, Lakewood) just opened last year and is a great add to Cleveland’s queer bar scene. It’s really just a great neighborhood bar with a splash of gay: cozy and laid-back with friendly bartenders.
Women’s Happy Hour (WH2) takes over a different bar once a month and brings out a multi-generational crowd to their events.

If you have the time and the means to take the 45-minute drive to Akron, definitely check out Square and Thursdays (306 East Exchange Street, Akron).

Cleveland Botanical Garden

Snack Time

Happy Dog (5801 Detroit Avenue, Detroit-Shoreway) — Hot dogs, not-dogs, 50 gourmet toppings, and tater tots. BOOM.
Tommy’s (1824 Coventry Road, Cleveland Heights) — A Cleveland vegetarian institution. Make sure you try their milkshakes!
Felice
Latitude 41 (5712 Detroit Avenue, Detroit-Shoreway) — Lesbian-owned cafe/diner
Melt (Cleveland Heights and Lakewood locations) — Not your mama’s grilled cheese. Unless you get The Kindergartner.
West Side Market (1979 W 25th St., Ohio City) — Indoor market that’s celebrating its 100th anniversary this year. They have every food-thing you can imagine.
Nate’s Deli (4116 Lorain Avenue, Ohio City) — Adorable family-owned middle eastern eatery
Lilly’s Handmade Chocolates (761 Starkweather Ave, Tremont)

West Side Market

Caffeine + Cute Baristas

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You need coffee and you definitely need a nice place to be. All of these places could be your place:

Phoenix Coffee (Downtown, Cleveland Heights, and South Euclid locations)
The Root Cafe (15118 Detroit Ave, Lakewood)
Gypsy Bean (6425 Detroit Avenue, Detroit-Shoreway)
BonBon (2549 Lorain Avenue, Ohio City)
Lucky’s Cafe (777 Starkweather Avenue, Tremont) — Great brunch, too!

For The Love Of The Game

Oof, Cleveland sports. A story of heartbreak, barely mended hearts, followed by more heartbreak. If you’re into that kind of thing, check out the Browns (football), Indians (baseball), Cavs (basketball), and Monsters (hockey). Otherwise…

Burning River Roller Girls — Roller Derby!
Cleveland Out and About — LGBT Outdoor Recreation Group
Front Runners NEO — LGBT Running Group
North Coast Softball — LGBT Softball League

Your Friendly Neighborhood Colleges

Case Western Reserve University’s LGBT Center — The adorably awkward pictures on their website do not do justice to the adorable awkwardness of Case students.
Cleveland State University’s GSA

Nearby Oberlin College is a queer oasis and is definitely worth a visit if you have an hour to spare to drive through some cornfields. Drag ball, women’s rugby, etc. etc.

HomOrganizations

The LGBT Center of Greater Cleveland (6600 Detroit Ave., Detroit-Shoreway) — Lots of great youth programs and support groups
TransFamily — Transgender support groups
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Cleveland
Planned Parenthood
MetroHealth LGBT Pride Clinic
Free Clinic
Cleveland Stonewall Democrats
Equality Ohio
HRC Cleveland
Colors of Cleveland Pride — Providing outreach services to all communities of color in an effort to bridge the racial divisiveness locally and nationally within these communities.

Pride!

I’ll be frank here: Gay Pride in Cleveland could use a bit of a face-lift. Still, it’s awesome and heart-warming and endearing to see so many queers doing their queer thing in Downtown Cleveland. The take-home is that you should volunteer to make Pride awesomer if you have some time on your hands.

Les Artistes

Playhouse Square (1519 Euclid Avenue) — touring Broadway shows, comedians, and musicians
Cleveland Public Theater (6415 Detroit Avenue, Detroit-Shoreway) — locally produced, avant-garde goodness, often with LGBT themes
Cleveland Playhouse (1407 Euclid Avenue, Downtown)
Dance Cleveland
Verb Ballet
Big Dog Theater (2781 Euclid Heights Blvd, Cleveland Heights) — comedy theater
SPACES (2220 Superior Viaduct)
The Cleveland Cinematheque — Classic, independent, and foreign films

We Built This City On Rock and Roll

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (1100 Rock and Roll Boulevard, Downtown)
Beachland Ballroom and Tavern (15711 Waterloo Rd.)
Grog Shop (2785 Euclid Heights Boulevard, Cleveland Heights)
Bela Dubby (13321 Madison Avenue, Lakewood)
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“These Knees” at Bela Dubby

Big Gigs

Cleveland International Film Festival — not an LGBT event in itself, but it definitely brings out the gays every March and features a bunch of queer films
Annual Womyn’s Variety Show — Every February
Dancin in the Streets — Block party and fundraiser for AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland
Cleveland LGBT Events Calendar

Chapin Forest

Dyke-a-dos

Crazy Mullets East and west side locations: Cleveland Heights (1830 Coventry Road) and Lakewood (14807 Detroit Avenue).

Mo Money

Here is the thing: Cleveland is so so affordable. PBR Tall Boys cost $2.50. You will take your lady friend out to a fancy schmancy dinner at your favorite organic, locavore restaurant and (almost) feel bad for paying so little. Super-nice apartments rent for $700/month.

The Law and You

Cleveland is a progressive town stuck in a swing-state. While gay marriage isn’t legal in Ohio (in fact, there’s a constitutional amendment against it), the City of Cleveland and Cleveland Heights have domestic partner registries and the City of Cleveland and Cuyahoga County offer domestic partner benefits. Work with what you got, right?

Parks and Recreation

One of Cleveland’s nicknames is “The Forest City,” largely because of the networked park system that surrounds the city referred to as the Emerald Necklace, maintained by the Cleveland Metroparks. You won’t have to travel far to find yourself in a green oasis.

There are also a lot of amazing urban parks, especially along the shores of Lake Erie.

Edgewater Park (1200 West 76th St.) — It’s a beach! It’s a park! It’s nestled between two gayborhoods and Lake Erie, you can see downtown, bring your dog and have a cookout! Summersummerfuntime!
Lakeview Cemetery (12316 Euclid Avenue, Little Italy) — Presidents are buried here!
Wade Oval (Wade Oval and East Boulevard, University Circle) — Nice big greenspace in the middle of a bunch of Cleveland’s museums that hosts the amazing Wade Oval Wednesdays every week from June to August
Wendy Park (2800 Whiskey Island Drive) — A hidden gem with great views of Downtown and very popular volleyball leagues.
Mentor Headlands State Park — This is a 40-minute car ride from the city, but the expansive beaches make it totally worth it.

Wendy Park

Etc.

Gay People’s Chronicle
Glorious Gay Ladies Local Food Cooking Club — Do you like gay ladies? Local food? Cooking? Come hang out! Monthly-ish gathering organized by Elyse, Jess, and a bunch of other amazing ladies you should probably be friends with. Email ggllfcc [at] gmail [dot] com

This is just a taste of what Cleveland has to offer. If you’re looking to leave no rock unturned, definitely check out New to Cleveland by Justin Glanville.

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

Queer Girl City Guide: Spokane, Washington

Feature image via travel.yahoo.com.

It’s been nearly a year since my official return to Spokane, the place I grew up before leaving for college and travel, and I’ve found a few things to be true. First, there is an LGBT presence in the city, but you’re going to have to look for it. Second, Spokane is trying to brand itself as a sports-prominent city, and it’s doing pretty well at that. Third, young and/or progressive people tend to clump together in a few hip neighborhoods, but if you don’t know them it looks like a conservative white man’s city. Spokane’s official motto is “Near Nature, Near Perfect.” While all of us would like for this to be true, it’s more like “Near Nature, But Still Up-and-Coming.”

As a whole, Spokane is thought of as the conservative and maybe a little “straighter” version of Seattle. This is probably true, but discrimination against LGBTs isn’t the norm here. It’s almost like most of Spokane either doesn’t realize that actual gay people exist, or they just don’t care.

All the Lesbian Bars/Nights

The bar scene as far as queer-leaning folks in Spokane is interesting. The best part about queer friendly bars in Spokane is most of them are clumped into a two-block strip on Sprague Avenue in downtown. Over the past year, the number of “gay” bars has fluctuated between three to five.

nYne Bar and Bistro (232 West Sprague Avenue, 99201) is the most lesbian-friendly bar in Spokane. If you are a girl who likes girls, it’s the best place to meet ladies, have a friendly free-throw contest, or have a burger/veggie-burger. Owned by two lesbians, nYne attracts every queer oriented woman in Spokane. If you arrive before 8:00pm, you will meet an O.W.L. or two. After that, it’s game on for twenty and thirty something lesbians. Nyne is not exclusively a lesbian bar, but everyone in town knows it’s the safest place to go for gay/bi women. On occasion, local college basketball players will show up to party. I’ll drink to that.

Party at nYne Bar

Spotlight Lounge (321 W. Sprague Avenue, downtown) serves the purposes of night club and grungy gay bar. People go to Spotlight when they want to dance with no reservations, take one too many shots, or to scope out who else is queer in town. It’s a fun place, but pretty much everyone I know has a “Spotlight” story. Mine includes excessive amounts of foam and lost jewelry. It’s like the youngest sister of the gay bars: it’s a little wild but gets away with it. Ladies night every Thursday.

Spotlight Nightclub

“Irvs” (415 W. Sprague Avenue, downtown) is the gayest in town, only because it brands itself as gay more than other spots. It’s the oldest gay bar in town since the legendary “Dempsy’s Brass Rail” closed. It’s more of a gay male thing, but they do have drag shows and a dance floor which attract the entire LGBT scene. Thursdays are a pretty good night to people watch.

Other queer-friendly bars:

Satellite Diner (Sprague Ave., next door to Irv’s): This bar/restaurant serves food 24/7. A friendly gay man bartends and it’s a good place to find queers at night.

Baby Bar (827 W. 1st Ave, downtown): The most hipster bar in town, it fits about 30 people max. A place you are likely to spot a lesbian or two at some point during the night.

Bon Bon (924 W. Garland Ave): It’s about 10 minutes north of downtown, but serves old-school, fancy drinks and has adorable bartenders. It’s attached to Spokane’s old dollar theater, the Garland.

Andy’s: On the western edge of downtown Spokane. Small and intimate with late night eats. Lesbian spottings are common, at best.

Things To Put In Your Stomach

The best place to take a lady-of-interest on a date is Mizuna (214 N. Howard). This is the closest thing to a vegetarian restaurant in Spokane. It’s an upscale spot downtown with a lengthy wine selection. The atmosphere is romantic without being too intimate. In the warmer months, try to get a patio seat!

The Flying Goat (Audubon neighborhood) is an excellent pizza place on the North side of town. You can get a beer flight, fill a growler of beer, or buy wine to go. The pizza selection is unique and delicious. Notable plus: a lot of queer women frequent it.

Italia Trattoria (144 S. Cannon Street, in Browne’s Addition) offers a fancier dining experience, featuring gourmet Italian dishes and a great wine selection. Its owners are a very sweet lesbian couple. Can’t go wrong here. Across the street are the Elk and El Que restaurants which offer great people/hipster watching, and great food.

Sports Extravaganza

Gonzaga Women’s Basketball Team

If you care at all about sports, you will need to know about Gonzaga Basketball. Both the men’s and women’s basketball teams do well year after year, and Spokane is pretty much obsessed with Gonzaga Bulldog Athletics. Lesbians are a common sighting at “Zags” game, and many go together. The women’s team has made the NCAA tournament four years in a row.

Eastern Washington University is about 30 minutes west on Interstate 90. Their football team won the Division 1-A Championship in 2010. Eastern games are fun to attend, especially when they’re playing basketball against a local team like Gonzaga or Washington State University, or football against University of Montana.

The Spokane Indians are a minor-league baseball team. The games are fun, though the team is not particularly stellar. A great place for a beer and sports date.

RAINBOW AT A SPOKANE INDIANS GAME

The city hosts a few women’s rugby teams, including an Eastern Washington University club team and the city team the “Marmots”. The latter is made up of quite a few lesbians, and pretty much all of them are ridiculously friendly and will encourage you to come to a game or practice.

What would a city be without Roller Derby? We’ve got the Lilac City Roller Girls for that.

Spokane hosts the biggest 3-on-3 basketball tournament in the world. In the world! Hoopfest happens for one weekend each summer. The downtown city streets are closed off and basketball hoops are rolled in. 7,000 teams compete, with players ranging from eight to retirement age, women, men, co-ed, family, you name it. Think about creating a team or at least watching the adult women’s games.

Life a la College

The college life in Spokane is diverse, with private, public, religious, and satellite campuses. There is no united front for college LGBT groups or communities, but most of them have at least one club/support group.

Gonzaga University remains the most prominent school in Spokane because of the caliber of education, the Law School, and athletics. It’s a Jesuit university just a few blocks away from downtown, but its Catholic roots don’t discourage diversity. The campus LGBT resource center is a good place to get involved or find allies on campus. Their women’s athletics attracts tons of lesbians to their games (and on occasion to their rosters).

Whitworth University: A Christian University. Don’t waste your time looking for a date.

Eastern Washington University: Eastern students have a conservative reputation, but the campus offers a variety of resources and allies for the LGBT community. In fact, a men’s fraternity hosted a drag show in Spokane as a fundraiser! For non-students, there is a women’s pick-up basketball league on Tuesday nights.

Riverpoint Campus: This “campus” is really a satellite branch for Washington State University and Eastern Washington University. Not much student life occurs on this campus, making a lesbian or gay scene sort of inconsequential. With that said, a lot of students are in medical school or something else really smart, so naturally there are some lesbians frequenting campus.

Hoods

Spokane has many neighborhood “pockets”. While no one neighborhood is gayer than the rest, some are catching on as hip places to be.

“Near Nature. Near Perfect.”

Browne’s Addition is the most talked about “up-and-coming” hood. It’s just off of downtown, and features a popular restaurant, a taco/tequila bar, pizza place, bike shop, and some of Spokane’s oldest and coolest homes. See Italia Trattoria in the restaurant section.

The Garland District (North Garland Avenue) has been known for years as a funky strip of shops and restaurants. The best known spot is the Garland Theater, with cheap films and midnight movies.

On the other side of town, the South Perry District (1000 block of South Perry Street) is growing like a weed. Young people flock to this neighborhood, as do trendy restaurants and clothing shops, and one of the cities best farmers markets (a popular lesbian hangout).

Support for LGBT Families

The most prominent organization for family support in Spokane is the Odyssey Youth Center.

Other options are the classic PFLAG and the Inland Northwest Pride Foundation. For women looking to adopt, good social workers in Spokane will connect you with other lesbian moms as a way to build community.

Pride After Dark

Gay Pride in Spokane picks up more speed and a larger crowd every year. The general idea of Pride here is to show the rest of Spokane that being gay is okay, and that LGBT women and men have families too. Spokane as a whole needs to know that gays are just like them — respectable people — so people avoid costumes and binge drinking until nighttime. A parade goes through downtown, followed by parties at every gay bar at night.

PRIDE

Women’s Health Services or The Lack Thereof

Not many services aside from Planned Parenthood are available for lady-specific health.

LGBT Centers

The local LGBT Center (1522 N. Washington, Ste 102) provides good information on what queer things exist in the city.

The Inland Northwest Business Alliance (INBA) is a pro-active organization working to unite all LGBTQ businesses in Spokane. They provide an excellent book of resources. INBA is moving the LGBT community forward more than anyone else in the area.

Out Spokane also hosts a variety of events and provides resources for the community.

Gayborhood?

Spokane does not have a gayborhood, but the most gay-filled places to live are: Browne’s Addition, Garland District, South Perry District, and the Audubon Park area on Spokane’s North side.

Places to Avoid

Certain bars tend to be scary for LGBT people, but for the most part, queers are okay everywhere. It’s not that Spokane is always accepting, it’s just that people don’t often address queer issues. The Spokane Valley (a city attached to Spokane) is a place to skip as a whole.

Reading Rainbow

Auntie’s bookstore in downtown Spokane provides the best options of lesbian and feminist reading. It’s a locally owned store with nice staff, and is a staple to the city. Finding a good lesbian read can sometimes be hard in Spokane, but Aunties will help a sister out. Pretty much the only place to find a Curve magazine.

Better Than Ira Glass

The most notable “performing” arts presence in Spokane is really a radio show. Spokane’s KYRS-Thin Air Community Radio station hosts a show called Queer Sounds. It’s pretty much awesome and features music for the queer ear, hosted by some great queer ladies.

The Chart

You know that stereotype where lesbians stay at home and play with their cats while they listen to Brandi Carlile? I think this happens a lot in Spokane. It can be hard to find other queer ladies in the city outside of the bar scene. Craigslist and OKCupid are okay, but taking time to get to know the community is your best bet. If you make a friend with someone you meet at a bar/club/playing sports, make your way into their circle of friends. The dating scene is tight-knit, and after a while, you’ll pretty much know about every lesbian circle in the city.

LGBT Soirees

A few LGBT events exist in Spokane, with Pride being most prominent. After that, the Spokane AIDS network hosts four annual events including an Oscar night gala, and Out Spokane hosts a “Pride Cruise” on a nearby lake. Spokane also is home to a gay film festival.

Some events that aren’t LGBT-focused but are great to attend are the Dirty Dash and the Sasquatch Music Festival. Sasquatch is the northwest’s version of Coachella, Lollapalooza, etc., and it’s a truly amazing experience. Lesbians come out of the woodwork here.

SASQUATCH MUSIC FESTIVAL

Get Your Hair Did

For the best haircut in town, go to Koi Salon. You will know you’re there when you spot a badass, tattoo covered guy or gal with a pair of shears in hand. Coco is the best, but everyone is great here. They understand what kind of cut you need for your lifestyle. You may leave with a crush on your stylist.

Zen Hair Studio: If you’re looking for a less expensive ‘do, Zen is your place. Ask for Danielle.

The Law Loves You

Just so everyone knows, Washington legalized same-sex marriage in the 2012 legislative session. It will likely be up for a state-wide vote in November, meaning it’s up to us queers to make this thing last!

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

One Girl, One Unicorn: A Truly Epic Guide to Washington DC

So you’re coming to Washington, DC? That is so exciting, you are going to have an amazing time here! DC is full of History, Politics, and you probably came here once on a school trip with one billion of your classmates if you live anywhere on the East Coast. But what you probably missed between the bus tours, duck tours, Capitol tours, museum tours, Segway tours, monument tours and Japanese tours, is that DC is also full of lesbians. We’re everywhere!

Autostraddle says that DC is the #4 most lesbianish city in the U.S. when it comes to population numbers and #11 in per capita numbers – so HEY everyone! Check us out! (Also Emily on the Real World: DC kinda liked making out with girls too, so there’s that).

But DC is big and it can be overwhelming if you don’t know your way around. It is the capital, after all. There’s so much going on and you probably have a powerful job or important social cause of some kind that brought you here, so in between your business lunches and office happy hours, where are you going to find your fellow ladies?

FEAR NOT. I’m here to help! My name is Keena and I’ve been living in DC for four years, before, during and after graduate school. I’ve lived and worked on the Hill and now I do other things and live in Logan Circle, which I think is the most awesome area of DC to live, especially if you’re gay. DC is actually a great place to be gay: it’s full of politically liberal people and tons of other gay people. It’s also the headquarters of the Human Rights Campaign and all kinds of other socially progressive groups that bring together intelligent, thoughtful people who work hard to promote happy, fuzzy-feeling-inducing causes like protecting your civil rights and letting you marry your adorable girlfriend.

You probably want to meet these fuzzy-feeling people. Of course you do! And you probably need a place to live and want to know where to go to work on your laptop and read novels with a delicious beverage. So! Let me take you on a virtual tour of DC and we’ll go to all the fun places and do all the fun things that I think you will like to do, too.

I know it’s scary to go to a new place, so I’ve enlisted the help of my friend Pixie the Unicorn to come along, ‘cause you’ll probably need a friendly face to make all these new places a little less foreign. And I think Tinkerbell will need a partner in crime if Riese ever comes to visit.

Meet Pixie:

Name: Pixie the Unicorn
Favorite Food: Fruit Loops, because they are really just gay Cheerios
Aspires To Be: Britney S. Pierce
Occupation: DC Tour Guide Accomplice
Often Found: Posing with bottles of liquor

All ready? Let’s go!

Lesbian Bars/Nights

The first thing you should know is that there’s heaps of gay bars for men and not so much for women. Our lack-of-dedicated-barspace is a sore subject/point of contention amongst DC lesbians. But I go out a lot, luckily for you, and therefore I’ve been to all those gay boy bars! Pixie told me there were too many bars to list them all, and because she’s right, I’ve narrowed my list down to my top five bars and my top five lesbian events.

+

Top 5 Bars

1. Phase One and Phase One, Dupont

The original Phase One (or, “the Phase”) is the one all-lesbian bar in DC. It is the oldest LGBT bar in Washington, DC and the first lesbian bar in the entire US (!!). Phase is a sponsor of Capital Pride, works with local LGBT clinics and has a fun annual music festival called Phase Fest. So, you know, it’s a Big Deal.

The only downside of going to Phase is that Capitol Hill is far away from all the other gay places so it’s difficult to club-hop (I recommend taking a cab to/from Phase if you’re planning on club-hopping anyhow). Also it’s small and can get very crowded, and can be intense if you’re not into indie music or alternative girl bands. Some of the commenters on Carmen’s post said it’s not a great place to be if you don’t appear obviously gay. Basically, Phase is great, especially because of its history and Jell-O wrestling, but not an ideal locale for fans of pop music and a clubby atmosphere.

But in February Phase One Dupont opened and changed everything with its promises to be a bar, a club, a place for girls to dance, a place where we can say to our gay boy friends, “come join me at MY club, instead of me joining you at yours.”

Of the opening, Carmen said it was “amazing and bewildering.” Also: “I stood in the center of a place where I used to be a visitor — a woman in a place for men — and suddenly it was my place, for people like me, for people who liked people like me… 600 women in the same room is more than a dream come true and potentially the fodder of your next late-night dream. 600 women in the same room in the same place, suddenly all together instead of all spread apart, suddenly waiting in line to even fit inside of a space, suddenly in a formidable group, suddenly so big and invincible – that’s power.”

the line at phase one’s opening night

I foresee the new Phase starting a positive feedback cycle of girl-on-girl events attended by girls who want more events, who get more events, until all of a sudden it’s like a giant glitterbomb went off over Dupont Circle and we’re all happier than kittens in a field of flowers. And I feel like we’re ready for that. Right?

But Phase One, Dupont will also have boys’ nights, meaning that while it will be the new spot for girls, it won’t be exclusively so. Or, as a friend said over Gchat:

friend: God there is a total lack of lezzie bars in this city
me: yes there are
friend: and even the new phase is going to have boys nights
It’s boys night every night in dc
NOT FAIR!!
stomps feet

However, I’ll say that the boy bars recognize that girls lack their own ladies nights and have made changes to make us more welcome — there are now girl bartenders at some of the Gayborhood bars, and most of the time (though not all the time), lesbians feel totally welcome at the boy bars.

Since the Phases are the only girl bars in DC, the rest of my list is made up of gay boy bars I consider lesbian-friendly, based on the highly specific algorithm of “I’ve been there on a date” or “I’ve been involved in lesbian PDA there without feeling uncomfortable.” Seems as good a rubric as any to use, right?

2. Cobalt/30 Degrees (17th Street NW, corner of 17th and R)

I’m at Cobalt all the time. Like, all the time. And despite many stupid things I have done there, they always welcome me back with open doors. Cobalt is located in the heart of the Gayborhood and is one of the most iconic gay bars in DC and is considered “a place to be seen” with “eclectic DJs” and “electric parties.”

The first floor is a restaurant called, inventively, Level One. The second and third floors are made up of a nice bar (30°) and dance floor (third floor). Though Cobalt is mostly for boys, you can usually find a bunch of girls there too.

There are many reasons why I love Cobalt, despite the general dearth of girls. In the last six months I have:

+ Attempted to smuggle a Bernese mountain dog puppy into Cobalt in my coat (bouncer: “honey…no.”)
+ Played in an LGBT flip cup league.
+ Been to a wedding.
+ Irish goodbye-d out of ladies’ night leaving behind my phone, credit card, wallet and keys and had them all returned to me the next morning with my tab paid off.
+ Had a most amazing New Year’s Day Disco Brunch at Level One at which the waiter used the phrase “dick licker” before 11am and during which I drank approximately fourteen billion bottom-less mimosas.

Also, little-known-fact: From 11pm-midnight every Friday, it’s “free vodka hour” at Cobalt. FREE vodka hour! Vodka drinks are free. For an HOUR! It’s unbelievable. But be warned, free vodka hour comes with a danger factor of 9/10 since if you’re like me (i.e. competitive and poor) you’ll spend the entire hour yelling, “we have only ‘X’ number of minutes left to drink free vodka drinks!” and wake up the next morning feeling like you were assaulted with a frying pan.

Anyways, go to Cobalt. I’ll probably be there and then we can hang out.

3. Nellie’s Sports Bar (U Street NW/Corner of 9th street)

Nellie’s is a hop/skip/jump away from Cobalt on U Street NW on the corner of 9th Street. It’s a great place to go if you like to watch sports with other girls who like watching sports, and you can often watch Glee there as well, if you’re so inclined. It’s more low-key, especially in the early evening when you can even play board games or bring your laptop.

Later in the night Nellie’s hosts fun events like Drag Bingo, Smart Ass Trivia, Poker nights and Sunday Drag Brunch. The Nellie’s crew sponsors various teams in the DC leagues (kickball, women’s rugby, crew, running, baseball, skiing, basketball, and so many others). If you’re a sporty girl that wants to get involved in LGBT sporty events in DC, Nellie’s is your first stop for all these things.

The bartenders are all very nice at Nellie’s and sometimes they’ll put a napkin folded into a swan around the neck of your beer for no reason at all! I was also there for Halloween this year and will ask you this: where else can you go to see guys dressed as 50 Cent and a storm trooper start making out? Nellie’s, that’s where.

4. Town Danceboutique (8th and V St NW)

Town is the largest gay dance club in DC and is catty-corner from Nellie’s, which is often used as a staging ground before heading to dance at Town. Town charges a cover but it’s a great place to dance, if you don’t mind being surrounded by bachelorette parties and a bunch of gay boys with their shirts off. I think the club “Babylon” in Queer as Folk might have been inspired by Town. Town’s got yummy drinks with crushed ice and some good drag shows, too.

5. No. 9 (P Street between 14th and 15th Streets NW)

No. 9 — located on my favoritest block in DC — is new on the scene, and is a great option if you’re looking to get some slightly classier drinks in a more low-key setting (like maybe a first date?) If you’re lucky enough to snag the front window seats there’s great people watching. No. 9 has no dress code, no cover and happy hour every day, including Saturday and Sunday. Yippee!

Bonus: No. 9 is next door to Stoney’s Lounge, a truly excellent dive bar with good food and a very chill atmosphere. If No. 9 is full of boys, as it often is, or you feel the need for cheap beer, try Stoney’s.

A last word about these bars: I say they’re lesbian-friendly, but it’s worth pointing out that my experiences can’t speak for everyone’s. I’m a bold person and relatively unbothered to be in a bar that’s mostly or only boys, but that’s not for everyone.

Top 5 Lesbian Events/Nights/Etc

It can be hard to rally the troops to go out in DC but when there’s a lesbian event, everybody goes and it’s so packed with girls you don’t know what to do with yourself. It’s like New Year’s Eve: you get your friends together, you pre-game, you get yourself all dolled up and think, “This is it! I have been so excited for this!” and then it ends up being a chaotic mess in which everyone gets covered in glitter, feels kind of overwhelmed, and may or may not make out with someone. But, unlike New Year’s Eve, the ladies’ nights in DC are NEVER a letdown and you should really go.

1. The Ladies of LURe Present Ladies’ Night at Cobalt

On the third Saturday of every month, the ladies of LURe host a girls’ night called BARE at Cobalt. It’s packed with cute girls (they had The Real L Word girls there for their third anniversary). It’s intense: girls wall-to-wall, strippers dancing on poles, etc. But if you wanna meet a girl, you can’t ask for a better venue. I always go, since to me ladies’ night at Cobalt is one of the Lesbian High Holidays that should always be observed by faithful devotees.

2. SHE.REX at Chief Ike’s Mambo Room

Every second Friday of the month is a rock n’ roll ladies’ dance party at Chief Ike’s Mambo Room at Columbia and Ontario Streets NW sponsored by SHE.REX. SHE.REX features badass female DJs (they wear dinosaur masks!), bartenders and cheap beer specials, and there is a pool room in the back of the bar if you don’t feel like dancing. Just like Cobalt ladies’ night, though, it can get crazy crowded, so it may not be the choice for you if you don’t like crowds. SHE.REX is guaranteed to be filled with lovely queer ladies, though, so I highly recommend it.

3. Lez Get Together

Lez is a Washington, DC-based organization that aims to foster a sense of community among lesbians and queer-identified lovers of women in “the DMV” (the District, Maryland and Virginia – justsoyaknow the lingo). It’s not a regular event or a bar, basically the “Lez Invade” team sponsors girls-only happy hours around DC which are like more relaxed versions of Girls Night and SHE.REX. They’re fun! You can get more info on their website or Facebook. I’d recommend you go with friends – like all lesbian events, girls show up with their posse and don’t seem to talk to people they don’t know, just engage in intense, overly-long periods of eye contact with girls they kind of recognize from other events or OkCupid stalking but don’t feel like breaking away from their group to go talk to. Huge surprise, I know. I’m sure you have nooo idea what I’m talking about.

4. Wherethegirlsgo

“Like” them on Facebook, or go to their website. The WTGG team has the scoop on the DC queer girl scene and also sponsors awesome one-off events like Valentine’s Day parties, Superbowl parties and bike rides around the city, which might interest you as a recent DC transplant and lover of bicycles, which hopefully you are because bicycles are just neat.

5. Twilight Tuesdays at Donovan House

It’s a summer-only thing, but the Pool Parties on the Donovan Hotel rooftop are sweet with great views. Every Tuesday is gay night, and again it’s mostly boys but I’ve been with lesbians and really enjoyed it. You can see my house from there!

5.25 BY Gays

The DC blog Brightest Young Things is awesome in general, but deserves special note for its coverage of gay events in the city through the feature Brightest Young Gays, or BYGays. In addition to coverage of pop culture, media and LGBT happenings in DC, they also provide “best weekend bets” to let you know what’s going on in LGBT life every weekend in DC. It’s worth taking a look at their Ponies Choice Awards coverage of the “best of” for gays in the city.

5.5 Pretty Girl Swag DC

This is the answer to “where are the girls at?” Pretty Girl Swag DC is basically a calendar of all the girl-on-girl events happening in the DC / MD / VA region every single day of every single week of every single – you get the drift. It’s one click to the ultimate guide to getting laid, finding the girl of your dreams, or really just wearing a lot of plaid socially.

So yes, there are very many choices for gay-friendly outings in DC, only a few of which I’ve described here. This does not mean that you can’t have a fabulous and wonderful lesbian experience at any of the other bars. You can!

Queer Girl City Guide: Seattle, Washington

I’ve lived in Seattle since 2004, when I moved to attend undergrad at the University of Washington. Since coming out, Seattle has proven to be an awesome place to live for a number of reasons: the people, the weather, the natural beauty, the nightlife, the outdoor life, and oh yeah- did I mention how queer-friendly this place is? I travel quite a bit for work and hands down, I think Seattle is the best place (besides New York) to be a queer lady.

Lesbian Bars/Nights

If you do your Googlage, you’ll find out that officially there’s only one “lesbian” bar in Seattle, the Wildrose Bar. While this is technically true, there are a number of other bars that are either owned by lesbians or frequented by so many lesbians, they might as well be a dyke bar, including Jabu’s Pub, OutWest Bar, and Tommy Gun Seattle. This isn’t even counting the dedicated lesbian parties Seattle hosts on a monthly basis, such as Cherry, Lick, Girl 4 Girl, Hotflash/Inferno, and Chocolate Kisses.

Here’s a quick rundown of each of the major players in the scene:

The Wildrose (1011 E Pike St- Capitol Hill): This Capitol Hill lesbian staple has been around for over 20 years- serving up cold beer, good food and eye candy to the Seattle lesbian community. It’s not the nicest bar on the block and can feel quite divey, but the staff are friendly and most of the time it’s a pretty welcoming place to come.

The Rose (as it’s known) is the only dedicated lesbian bar in town, and as such, fills a variety of roles throughout the week. On Mondays you’ll find trivia at 8pm which draws a pretty diverse crowd, including lots of non-lesbians. They also feature microbrews for $3 — can’t beat a good beer and nerdy women. Tuesdays are Taco Tuesdays, which tend to get crowded. Cheap Mexican beer and tacos abound, and there’s usually a DJ who’s keeping the crowd energetic. Wednesdays and Thursdays rotate between a number of events, which have included Open Mic, Seattle Spit (queer poetry/spoken word), Burlesque, and Karaoke. Fridays and Saturdays usually feature a DJ and are sometimes themed dance parties and are guaranteed to be an ass-shaking good time. Sundays the Rose has a great brunch, Happy Hour, and shows a few of the sports games, depending on the season.

The crowd at the Rose is as diverse as Seattle lesbians are, and that includes age. I’ve never felt unwelcome when visiting with groups of different people, including both my mom and my straight male best friend. As long as you’re respectful of the staff and patrons, they’ll respect you.

The Rose at Pride

Jabu’s Pub (174 Roy St- Lower Queen Anne) – Owned and operated by lesbians, Jabu’s isn’t an exclusively lesbian bar. However, before and after Seattle Storm games, it’s the place to be if you’re a lady who likes ladies. Jabu’s is located in lower Queen Anne, a quick two block walk from the Space Needle and Key Arena (home of the Seattle Storm WNBA team). Jabu’s is super friendly and has a great selection of local beers and tasty food.

OutWest Bar (5401 California Ave SW- West Seattle) – Located in West Seattle, OutWest Bar is a newcomer to the bar scene, catering to an older crowd that calls West Seattle home. It tends to have a good mix of genders and feels like a neighborhood bar. Wednesday is Lesbian night with karaoke, which draws a fun and friendly crowd.

Tommy Gun Seattle (1703 Olive Way- Capitol Hill) – Touting itself as “White Collar Drinks at Blue Collar Prices,” Tommy Gun Seattle is an awesome low-key bar with friendly staff, good drinks, and Truffle Popcorn that is to die for. Very casual environment with a good mixed clientele.

Where To Get Your Girl On

While Seattle doesn’t have any dedicated lesbian clubs, there are a few dance clubs on Capitol Hill where a queer lady will find lots of other queer ladies and have an ass shaking good time.

R Place (619 E Pine St- Capitol Hill) – This three-story dance club is the place to be on Friday and Saturday nights if you’re looking for a drag show, dancing, and lots of eye candy. This place is the essential “gay bar”, with scantily clad Go-Go Boys in cages and a pole in the middle of the dance floor. Despite their obvious towards young, gay males, they do have a few lesbian bar tenders and I’ve never felt unwelcome here. A word to the wise though — this bar tends to attract bachelorette parties, so if you’re not willing to deal with annoying straight girls trying to kiss you to mark off a bullet on their scavenger hunt, avoid this place during wedding season. Also, their drinks are SUPER STRONG so beware!

Neighbours (1509 Broadway- Capitol Hill) – Similar to R Place, but more house music, less gay women, and a little bit sketchier crowd. Can be a super fun place to go dancing with your friends; just don’t touch the walls, as there tends to be a lot of random male sex happening here. One cool thing about Neighbours is that it stays open until 4am for dancing, and after 2am (when the liquor goes away) it opens to the 18+ crowd.

Cherry (1114 Howell St- Downtown) – Held at ReBar once a month. Cherry is the place to be in Seattle if you’re young, lesbian or bisexual, and hip. Held once a month, this dance packs Re-Bar, a divey space in downtown to the brim with hot young (and young at heart) women. Cherry has rotating DJs who usually spin whatever is most popular at that time. This is definitely the most popular to meet other ladies to hook up with. Cherry hosts super popular parties on New Year’s and during Pride which are always a good time. Check Cherry’s Facebook page for details on the exact date for each months dance.

Lick: Held randomly throughout the year at Chop Suey. Lick is the more diverse, more trans-friendly, and much more hipster cousin to Cherry. Held at Chop Suey on Capitol Hill, Lick is a hugely popular dance party that is often a launching party for new queer things, including “Put This On the Map”, “Original Plumbing” and “Team Gina.” Get here early as it tends to sell out fast.

HotFlash/Inferno: Hosted once a month at Neighbours. Touting itself as “the party for women who like women but are too old for the 20-something bar scene,” HotFlash/Inferno (the dances go by different names, depending on the month but are for all essential purposes the same event) is the place to be if you’re an older lesbian in the Seattle area. The DJs play a variety of music from the recent (and not so recent past) which keeps the dance floor going strong. This dance strives to make everybody feel welcome, so you might see women your mom’s age out on the dance floor getting their groove on, but hey, who doesn’t like to have a good time?

Eating and Drinking (Coffee)

Over the past few years, Seattle has experienced an explosion in awesome new restaurants, cafes, and dessert spots. I’ll highlight a few of my favorite, but in all honesty, your best bet is to check Yelp, see what looks good, and just be adventurous.

Capitol Hill is hands down the center of the new foodie experience in Seattle, located just a short walk from downtown and serviced by a million buses. All the vendors listed are almost guaranteed to be staffed by a member of the GLBTQ crowd, and more likely than not, your fellow diners will be family too. Other neighborhoods also feature great eats- Seattle is not known for its plethora of chain restaurants so whatever you find, it’ll most likely be good.

Breakfast Spots:

Glo’s Café: Best cheap breakfast spot on the hill. Open late nights, too, for your drunken breakfast food cravings.
Oddfellow’s Café: A little more upscale, but serves great local food and has some of the best espresso around. Cool interior design and great bloody marys.
611 Supreme: Best crepes around- both savory and sweet. Add delicious French press coffee and you’ve got a winner.
Meanderer’s Kitchen: This hidden little gem in West Seattle serves the best vegetarian biscuits and gravy I’ve ever had. They serve as much local products as possible, are a no-fuss type restaurant, and only take cash. This place is getting more and more popular, so come early (or late at night) to beat the crowds.
Chaco Canyon Café: With 2 locations, one in the University District and one in West Seattle, Chaco Canyon is a 100% vegan and organic café. They offer a number of raw foods and gluten free options, and are usually staffed by lesbians.

Lunch:

Marination Station: Born out of a Korean/Hawaiian food truck that took home the “Best Food Truck in America” award from Good Morning America in 2010, this is their brick-and-mortar stand. Kimchi fried rice, sexy tofu tacos, and Aloha sliders make this some of the best (and cheapest) lunch food in Seattle.
Rancho Bravo: Also a progeny of a food truck, this Mexican restaurant now lives in an old KFC location. Cheap and authentic, it’s a good bet for a quick lunch.
Dick’s Burgers: With locations all over Seattle, Dick’s is a fun lunch stop with a big group. Super cheap and greasy, it’s the best burger and fry you can get in Seattle for under $5.

Dinner:

Plum: A vegan restaurant, Plum constantly redefines what is good in animal-free cooking. Their Mac ‘n’ Yease is to die for. A great place to take a date.
Machiavelli’s: This little Italian restaurant feels like it’s just out of New York — small, intimate, and delicious food at great prices. At the bottom of the hill, it’s a great place to go before or after a show at the Paramount Theater, just down the street.

Late Night:

Hot Mama’s Pizza: Directly across the street from R Place, Hot Mama’s serves up fresh slices of pizza until 2am on weekends, perfect for after dancing and drinking.
Broadway Grill: Has a great late night happy hour and usually lots of eye candy.

Dessert:

Trophy Cupcake: Moistest cupcakes around. Don’t be fooled by the other places — go here for good cupcakes.
Blue Bird Ice Cream: Fresh, handmade ice cream and named as one of MSNBC’s top ice cream shops in the USA, Blue Bird is less well known than Molly Moon’s Ice Cream, but definitely better. Their Imperial Stout Ice Cream is delicious, and they serve a number of local beers on tap. Beer float anybody?

Let’s Go Sporting!

Seattle is home to the 2004 and 2010 WNBA Champion Seattle Storm women’s basketball team. Key Arena is the summer hot spot and turns into the biggest lesbian bar in the city by default. There are tons of Pride discounts and a kid’s dance troupe, so it’s fun for the whole family.

Seattle is also home to the Seahawks (football), Mariners (baseball), and Sounders (soccer) which are all fun to go to.

Locally, there are a number of LGBT sports leagues, most housed under the Rain City umbrella. Available sports include soccer, basketball, softball and volleyball. There’s also both a men’s and women’s rugby team, running group, and swimming club that cater to our community.

One super queer-friendly sport that’s huge in Seattle is Roller Derby. Home to the Rat City Roller Girls, Tilted Thunder Roller Derby and a number of other smaller leagues, you’re sure to find a lady of your persuasion either on the track or in the stands.

Oh, College Girls

By far the biggest school in the area is the University of Washington, with over 60,000 students and staff. UW is known for its medical school, engineering and computer science, but it also has a great women’s studies program, social work school, and law school. The UW funds a Q Center which provides support groups, resources, and a safe place for queer students on campus. UW also has a chapter of Delta Lambda Phi, a fraternity for gay, bisexual and progressive men and the ASUW Queer Student Commission hosts on an annual student Drag Show. The UW is basically its own city within Seattle, encompassing the University District which has lots of great food, coffee shops and bars.

Other schools in the area include Seattle Pacific University, Seattle University, Pacific Lutheran University (in Tacoma), and a number of community colleges. Seattle Central Community College on Capitol Hill is a popular destination for many LGBT students and has a very diverse student body.

Nei/Gay/ghborhoods

Fremont – Billing itself as the “Center of the Universe”, Fremont is a trendy hood located along the Shipping Canal. Lots of vintage stores and home to a huge Sunday Farmers Market/Flea Market, Fremont is up-and-coming for sure.

Wallingford – West of the University District across I5, Wallingford is where you’ll find lots of 20 and 30 somethings that are not hipster enough to be on Capitol Hill (or are too smart to pay ridiculous rent prices on the hill). Lots of shared housing and co-ops dot this area that also has lots of young families.

Ballard – Occasionally in Seattle, you’ll see bumper stickers reading “Free Ballard”, a stalwart of their bid a few years ago to become an independent city. The effort failed, and now Ballard is just a neighborhood of Seattle- albeit a cool, industrial, fishing village type neighborhood. Lots of cool pubs and bars, Ballard isn’t known as the gayest neighborhood ever, but you’ll definitely be safe and have fun here.

West Seattle – Where gay people go to die…or just where we go after getting coupled up and having kids. Like a city within Seattle, West Seattle has pretty much everything somebody would need, including a strong sense of community. Cool shopping, a gay bar, and lots and lots of Momma-Mommy families, West Seattle has lots of affordable housing as well.

Columbia City – Located along the new light rail line, Columbia City is also an up and coming neighborhood that’s currently full of lesbians and their subarus. Cheap and diverse, Columbia City is a good bet for funky restaurants and live music.

Beacon Hill – One of the most diverse neighborhoods in Seattle, Beacon Hill is a melting pot for all sorts of types of people. Cheap housing, lots of good cheap food, and great views make Beacon Hill a good choice.

Queen Anne – The fancy part of Seattle, Queen Anne has lots of rich people, expansive views of downtown and the sound, and boutiques. Great place to grab a bite to eat, and settle down if you’ve got half a million dollars for a house, Queen Anne is a destination within the city.

White Center – South of West Seattle, White Center is like a little sister to West Seattle. Lots of dive bars, a great roller skating rink (that hosts Pride Skate) and more Vietnamese restaurants than you can count, White Center is a gritty, unique hidden secret.

South Park – Right by the Boeing Plant, South Park is another hidden gem within Seattle that actually has affordable housing. Lots of queers make their home down here because of how affordable it is.

Support for LGBT Families

In Washington state, it’s illegal to discriminate based on sexual orientation or gender identity, and most of the local municipalities have additional protections in place for the LGBT community. There are a number of openly gay/queer politicians on the City Council and in the state legislature, so overall, Washington, and specifically Seattle, is a pretty safe place to be. For family support specifically, there are a few groups that meet regularly including Feather Boa Fathers (for gay dads), Maybe Baby Seattle (support group for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people who are interested in becoming parents), Mature Friends (a group for those over 40), and Rainbow Families of Seattle. The city also has an LGBTQ Commission to address issues facing the LGBTQ community within Seattle and then bring those issues to the policy makers in Seattle.

Seattle Gay Pride Yay!

Seattle Pride is held on the last weekend in June and has been a constantly evolving event. Hosted mainly by Seattle Out and Proud, Pride has gone through a little bit of an identity and financial crisis the past few years that included a move from Capitol Hill to the Seattle Center, a bankruptcy, and board change. Despite the internal politics, Seattle Pride is a super fun, community building event that is the highlight of the year for many people. Pride in Seattle (as in most cities) seems to be two-faceted: the public side of Pride, with its big parade and party; and the insider side, with its weekend full of binge drinking, hookups, and crazy dancing.

The Pride Parade held on Sunday is the biggest parade Seattle sees all year. It snakes through downtown Seattle, drawing over 200,000 spectators every year. The big businesses around town like to show their support, so you can always count on Microsoft, Amazon, Starbucks, Google, Boeing, and Alaska Airlines to have huge employee contingents marching, which we honestly love, of course. The parade ends at the Seattle Center, where you’ll meet the biggest free Pride party ever, attracting over 500,000 people dancing and soaking up the sun (and running naked through the huge fountain when the weather allows). This event is great for people watching and relaxing after a long weekend of partying.

Wildrose/The Rose goes all-out for Pride, renting portable fences and taking over an entire street with their outdoor beer garden and stage. The party at the Rose runs from Friday through Sunday, with Friday featuring a wet t-shirt contest and DJs til the wee hours of the morning, Saturday looking at all-day bands and beer pong, and Sunday usually hosting a spectacular Butch contest with even more music. Check their Facebook page for exact details, but you’re sure to have a good time at the Rose during Pride.

In the past few years, Seattle Pride has made a definite effort to expand the Pride celebrations to include those in our community for whom drinking isn’t the main draw. To that end, they’ve created an all-day Saturday Broadway Street Fair. With the streets closed to traffic, you’ll find lots of restaurants, vendors and bars throwing open their doors to us, complete with street dances, beer gardens and other live performances.

Seattle Out and Proud also hosts a Pride Idol singing competition. Recently (and for the first time), a number of churches and synagogues came together to host an Interfaith Pride Service on Saturday, which was well attended.

LGBT and Women’s Health Services

Unfortunately, Seattle doesn’t have a dedicated Lesbian Health Center, however, many of the doctors are very LGBT friendly. Seattle Counseling Services are specific for our community and have a number of resources for other service providers in our community, including addiction help and psychiatric care. Dunshee House provides emotional and other health resources to those affected by HIV/AIDS. The Capitol Hill Alano Club hosts a number of support meetings for those in recovery. Every year during Pride, there is also a Rainbow Women’s Health Fair hosted at Gilda’s Club.

LGBT Center

There is no LGBT community center in Seattle, however there are some resources especially for youth who are LGBT. Check out both The Lambert House and Queer Youth Space for LGBT community information for youth.

Welcome to the Gayborhood

Addressed earlier- Capitol Hill. But all of Seattle is pretty darn gay.

Places to Avoid

Only a few places to avoid in Seattle, and they’re usually time-restricted. I’d advise avoiding Beltown and Pioneer Square after 10pm. Same with Greek Row by the University of Washington at all times. You probably won’t run into any problems, but these areas tend to be hot spots for violence and have known to be frequented by assholes.

LGBT or Feminist Bookstores

As with many towns, lots of our local/independent booksellers are going belly up. A few strongholds where you’ll find a large selection of LGBT and feminist material are Elliot Bay Books (Capitol Hill), University Bookstore (U District) and Half Price Books (Capitol Hill.) There is a great Gay and Lesbian Book Club that meets weekly at the Dunshee house, and is open to all in the LGBT community.

Dating Scene

The dating scene in Seattle is pretty good, depending on your age and what you’re looking for. As one of the most queer cities in the US, you’ll most likely find somebody who shares the same interest as you, whether that’s partying, sports, nature, or arts. OKCupid.com has a fairly large Seattle crowd, and The Stranger and Craigslist often feature W4W ads. Compared to other parts of the country, Seattleites often come across as unfriendly or cold — this is just because we don’t get enough Vitamin D on a regular basis. Offer us a cup of coffee and a friendly conversation and we’ll be nice, I promise.

Pillow Fight!

LGBT Events

Aside from Pride and the associated events, there aren’t any huge LBT events in Seattle. Of note though, there is usually one or two Rainbow Wedding Expositions, and with Washington state super close to legalizing gay marriage, these are sure to increase.

Salons

The most popular and cheapest place for an alternative lifestyle haircut is definitely Rudy’s Barbershop. The ultimate in hipster, Rudy’s has 5 locations and is a walk-in only shop. They usually do a decent job and are pretty cheap. Lots of people have their favorite stylist at different locations — check Yelp for details.

Other popular salons for ALHs include Vain (downtown), ACME Barber Shop (Capitol Hill), and Zero Zero. Check Yelp for other ideas- or just ask that cute girl next to you on the bus where she got her hair done!

Tattoos

Just like hair salons, there are about a million tattoo and piercing shops in Seattle, all of which people swear by. My friends have gone to Deep Roots Piercing and Tattoo (U District), Laughing Buddha, Hidden Hand, Apocalypse Tattoo, and Lucky Devil Tattoo. Seriously though, do your research, find an artist you like, and enjoy!

Safety

Seattle is generally a pretty safe city to live in, especially as an LGBT person. As is to be expected anywhere, there are acts of violence, however, these do not tend to be targeted and instead are usually drug related. The police department has an LGBT liaison who works with us to address concerns as they come up.

Cost of living

Besides San Francisco and New York, Seattle might just be the next most expensive city in the nation. High rents, high cost of food — this place is expensive. Wages tend to reflect that reality, however, it can be hard to make ends meet for many people.

Diversity

Seattle isn’t actually a super diverse city, as far as large cities go, but it’s getting more and more diverse every day. Approximately 20% of residents are immigrants from another country, many from Africa and Asia. Unfortunately, the city is still fairly segregated, with the south ends of the city being more diverse in both racial and economic terms. In the last census, it was estimated that 10% of Seattle identifies as LGBT, with some neighborhoods self-identifying as up to 43% LGBT (Capitol Hill). There is a fairly large transgendered population as well.

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

Oh, But To Be A Queer In Sicily

The night before my girlfriend’s birthday, we are sitting in a smoky, dingy bar in Vienna having the same argument we go through at least once a month. A Laurel and Hardy slapstick is being projected on the rococo ceiling, the walls are covered in film posters; candles give the place a nostalgic atmosphere. I am on my fourth pint of Pilsner. Across the room on another table are three lesbians, smoking roll-ups and talking in loud German. I like Vienna, I say. I like how open it is. I like the fact I can be around people I feel I recognize without even understanding their language.

It does not go down well. In other words you could only live in London, Vienna or any other big city. Somewhere with lesbians, she says. I am offended. I am also booze-fueled. Her words make me feel narrow. And so we argue, before walking back to our hotel mostly in silence.

The argument does not come from nowhere. It has roots. I am English and my girlfriend is Sicilian. She has been in London for fifteen years; we have lived here together for three of those years. I like tube rides and crowds and concrete and cheap dark pubs. I don’t mind grey skies. And yes, I like the fact I can walk around Soho or the East End and see other LGBTs. I like ricocheting around a dance floor to Le Tigre with lots of queers, or at least having the option to do so. My girlfriend likes wilderness and quiet and sunshine and the ocean. She likes good food and travelling and simplicity. She likes drinking rum on the rocks by the water before plunging in naked for a night swim.

Moving out of London is something we’ve talked about endlessly; as her family is there, Sicily feels like a logical step. And when I show my obvious elation about spotting other queers in a foreign city, when I drunkenly ramble on about my gayness, we argue because there is something in it that seems to suggest our incompatibility. You see, Sicily is not such an easy place to be openly gay. Or at least not outrageously gay. In the shadow of the Vatican and Catholicism and with some pretty traditional views, it’s not that Sicilians are hateful towards gays. They’re just not used to our existence, at least not in mainstream society. As my girlfriend once said: gay in Sicily is like science-fiction.

The thing is: I love Sicily. I LOVE it. And I love my girlfriend. I want to live with her in her environment; I want to be on her turf. So what stops me? I can blame it on a fear of flying (sweaty palms, uncontrollable shakes; the lot). I can blame the language barrier. Or I can blame the fact that when I’m there I’m never 100% myself because I feel I can’t be openly gay. My many visits have spawned no obvious group of queers that I can suck the life from for strength (like in that movie Hocus Pocus where Bette Midler the witch tries to suck up eternal youth). Then the questions come. Is that my own unnecessary hang-up? Am I really that tribal? Is being around other queers really so important? Is being gay really so important? Shit, am I shallow? Although I have been open about my sexuality for much longer than her, my girlfriend is older, wiser and much smarter than me. And when she says I should feel comfortable in my skin without the gay crutch, without needing Twat Boutique or the option of some other steamy lesbo club, maybe she has a point.

The first time I went to Sicily my girlfriend wasn’t entirely out. I was the ‘English friend.’ We got out the car to find nineteen people waving from the balconies of her apartment block. It was terrifying. I practically quaked. It was a real hero’s welcome. Then came a thousand kisses and hugs and a lot of foreign talk in a volume my own small family probably could never match if we were shouting into a cave with an echo. In the midst of this madness we were herded into the kitchen for a massive Italian spread; pasta, parmigiana, arancini, fist-sized olives. My girlfriend’s family is all women. Lots of them. They filled the small kitchen and fought for a position underneath the ceiling fan. They talked and laughed and argued and ate. They made fun of each other. It was a bit like heaven and I fell in love with the situation immediately. The only male in the house was an insanely cute four-year old called Gaetano who came into the room in a pair of high-heels. They were laughing at him because he kept getting the words for party and funeral mixed up. And it was really fine being the English friend.

Then there was the swimming. Every morning after coffee we drove to the rocks and dived into the Mediterranean. I got attention; years without direct sunlight had rendered me pale and ribby, a regular urban vampire. I was like mozzarella. The local people told me I would attract octopus with my whiteness, which turned me into a cautious swimmer. I got male interest because kissing my girlfriend as discouragement wasn’t really an option. But when the water is turquoise and the sun is out and the coastline is spectacular, politics don’t seem necessary.

Evenings we sat out in the humid air, in an old fishing village by the water. There were lots of cocktails. We sat like two friends among straight couples and didn’t give anything away. It felt secret and sexy. And we hung out with her loud, large family who I pretty much am in love with. If it sounds idyllic, that’s because it was.

I’ve been back many times since. I lived as a friend in the family home for three months and felt more like a fixture than a visitor. I’ve seen a lot of Greek temples and watched Etna erupt. And I’ve come to understand things a bit more. I know Sicily is an island ruled by men; it’s a mafia run place. I understand how religious the people are, how superstitious they are. It’s not fanatical or extreme; it’s just the way it is, the way it’s always been. I know it’s difficult to find a job in Sicily, that unemployment is high. I know that Sicilians are the most welcoming and friendly people EVER. I know you need to wait at least three hours after eating before it’s fine to swim again (otherwise you’ll get ‘blocked’). Tradition is very important. And as my girlfriend said: any homophobia she has experienced in Sicily exists not because people think gay is wrong, only because they think it’s different.

All this is fine. If we do move to Sicily, these are things that can be overcome. But the question is, what about a LGBT community? Is it necessary to be part of one to feel awesome? It’s not exactly a life/death situation, but as someone who has spent years living a comfortable out-life in a huge and diverse city it’s definitely something that plays on the mind.

I’ve heard stories about gay people on my visits. People gossip in the mayhem of a kitchen but never take it out into the open. My girlfriend has never lived as an openly gay woman in Sicily, but she knows/hears about those who do. And people are cautious. Those who are out are sometimes thought of as insidious. Maybe this is not so in the larger cities, but in a town by the sea this seems to be the way things go. There have been scandals beginning with flirtation and ending in divorce. Of course, this happens within the straight community too. But when a gay person is involved, it’s not a question of infidelity but a matter of agenda. There are a couple of lesbians who live on the fringes of my girlfriend’s town who have a reputation for seducing straight girls. They are not thought of well. How much of this reputation is based on misconception or homophobia? Maybe it’s more that trying to be who you are among a predominantly straight society – one that is not as familiar with LGBT issues as the US or UK – can be a pretty lonely job. My girlfriend says there is a sadness in the out people she knows. Which brings me back to my point; is it important to be part of a community as an LGBT? Perhaps being comfortable in your skin only gets you so far.

After a while being the English friend wasn’t enough for me, although it was my own doing. My girlfriend (and most of the people who knew about our relationship) encouraged me to be open about my own sexuality from the beginning. But for some reason I felt I had to lay low; I worried people would talk about her behind her back. And if her mother (whom I love a huge amount) was to hear something second-hand, it would not have been cool at all. Also I’m neurotic.

At the same time I wanted to be the lover. I wanted to match up to the cousin’s boyfriends who got the best place at the table and the biggest plates of food. I wanted the whole thing. Plus, it became difficult to keep my hands to myself. My girlfriend was constantly in tiny shorts. Her skin went back to its natural olive color. The heat and the rocks and the sun were sexy, and she looks really good in the water.

All these things were tough. But they were harder for her. Recently she came out to her mother. It could have been worse and it’s getting better. One of the amazing things about Sicily is that the family bonds are so strong. She would never have been ostracized or shipped back to London, but that fact doesn’t make it easier on anyone. Her sister (who taught herself English with the lyrics of Elvis Presley – I love this!) now calls me her sister-in-law, although it was really hard for her to understand at first. With things a bit more out in the open, people are truly interested to know more. And thanks to a lack of words on my part this meant an evening sitting under the air-con watching Milk with a six-pack of Birra Moretti. With all these incredible people, and the sun and the food and the water, I should really just move there tomorrow, right? I have no doubt that if I did I would be ultimately and eventually accepted, no holds barred. But would I be able to find my own way – without my girlfriend and as a queer foreigner – within a strong LGBT community? Perhaps solidarity isn’t everything, but it certainly makes things simpler at times.

What I’ve written here is based only on the experiences I’ve had. I’m certainly no expert on queer life in Sicily. If anyone knows more or is in fact a queer in Sicily I would love to know about it! I’m sure there is an incredible community lying somewhere beneath the church bells and the fishermen and the tanned kids who smoke Marlboros on their Vespas. I’m also sure I’m not the first person to face this dilemma. Is moving away from a place you feel gay-comfortable to somewhere less gay-comfortable something you’ve done? How’d that work out?!

Queer Girl City Guide: Brighton, UK

No one in Brighton ever grows up, it’s the Peter Pan of cities. I came to live by the sea after two wild years in Berlin and absolutely love this place for its creative queerness. Brighton is known in Europe to be a very gay and liberal little place with beaches, cute little cafés and tons of girls with good haircuts. One might say it’s the European equivalent of San Francisco, with a diverse scene extending beyond clubs and embracing people of all genders, orientations and views. I wouldn’t want to miss the Brighton-time in my life for anything in the world. Also apparently Virginia Woolf and her lover Vita had sexytime here!

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Queer Clubs & Bars

The safest go-to club night is “Girls on Top” on Thursdays at Revenge. The club is the biggest gay dancing establishment in the South East of England and attracts hundreds of girls every week. Watch out for live acts and performances, but be aware that tourists can give the place a rather sleazy feel at peak times during the year. Revenge is a wonderful place on other weekdays too and has two dance floors and a roof terrace overlooking the sea. The associated Bar Revenge around the corner is a good place to get tipsy and look at cute people before you hit Revenge.

The Marlborough Pub (4 Princes Street, Brighton, East) is close too and famous for its lesbian audience. It has wifi, board games and a pool table to make you feel at home. Legends Brighton is a beautiful gay hotel at the seafront with an elegant bar that attracts a good mix of people.

If you’re feeling wild you might like Hot Wax!, a very promising brand new punk rock / pop punk / alternative night at Psychsocial. Keep an eye on Brighton’s Online LGBT Community for details of forthcoming events and listings of all things queer in Brighton. You will also love Charles Street, a gay bar with dance floor and a seafront restaurant.

Charles Street

Generally Brighton is such a homogay place that you will have a good time in most places, regardless of whom you’re kissing or how you express your unicorn-gender-identity. Try to avoid touristy places and you’ll be fine. Gay Brighton is another good website to check if are looking for homo things to do.

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Restaurants & Cafés

Oh, where to start! You might or might not know (I didn’t) that British people think their pub is the centre of the universe and go there not only to drink, but also to eat actual food. So, reconsider your concept of restaurants and try The Hussy for a Sunday roast.

Brighton has lots of places that cater to vegans and vegetarians, it might even be a vegetarian heaven. Especially wonderful is Food for Friends. While not very cheap, it’s definitely worth every penny. Terre á Terre is another award winning vegetarian restaurant you should visit if your budget allows some culinary naughtiness.

Street View, Brighton

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LGBTQ Groups, Family Support & Gay Pride

Brighton Pride is totally legendary and should be experienced by every queer person in the universe at least once. There has been some controversy about commercial aspects in recent years which has resulted in various free fringe events. So hurray for even more diversity!

The Brighton & Hove LGBT switch board offers support and help for all areas of life and connects queer people in the area with charities and services that might be useful. For shiny young people under the tender age of 26 there is also the Allsorts Youth Project that offers drop-ins and individual support for LGBTQ folks.

Feminist Brighton brings together wonderful people to work on the gender revolution and society in general. It’s not an exclusively gay space, but you will obviously find lots of fellow lesbians there. They regularly organize events and discussions and have various links with other activists groups.

Brighton Bandstand

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College Life in Brighton

Brighton has two universities, the University of Sussex and the University of Brighton. Both have diverse, strong LGBTQ groups and student representatives. For many aspiring queers these unis are first choice because of their inclusive environment, so it can be hard to get into popular subjects. The Master’s degree in Gender Studies at Sussex has a world reputation in this field and offers various conferences, workshops and open lectures throughout the year.

Another alternative is the Brighton City College which seems to be very queer friendly too and offers lots of professional and higher education courses that go well with an alternative lifestyle. Join the LGBTQ societies of these institutions and you’re sorted with new friends and lovers.

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Art Groups, Bookstores & Other Magic

Meetup.com offers some really nice social groups for various interests such as the Creative Arts Brighton meet up. For creative courses, check Brighton City College , The Friends Centre or The Evolution Art Centre. Life drawing sessions are a big thing in Brighton and you’ll find various cheap drop-in sessions all over town.

Street Art Around Brighton

Brighton has a number of small, independent book shops that are worth a visit, especially if you want to impress those cute bookish girls. The Kemptown Bookshop is also a cute café and won “Best Bookshop of the Year” for London and the South in 2010. Amnesty International is running a wonderful charity shop in the North Lanes (15 Sydney Street) that also stocks vinyl, comics, greeting cards and fair trade chocolate.

The Brighton Festival is a celebration of everything artsy (which is a lot in this city!) and attracts way too many tourists for my taste, but what can you do? Classical music, visual art, films, wild dancing and theatre all make Brighton even more crazy during the festival. There is also a Fringe Festival that features emerging artists.

mural by brighton artist Pearl Bates

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Getting Dates, Tattoos and Hair Cuts in Brighton

Brighton has a fantastic infrastructure to provide everything your queer heart desires. There are a few really good hair dressers in the North Lanes Kemptown. I actually doubt you could find a straight one if you tried. My personal favourite is Forde Hair, a cute, creative hair salon on St. James Street where employees will always try to understand all your feelings and needs.

Magnum Opus is a wonderful tattoo place than can make your wildest wishes come true. They are super serious and professional, and won’t judge you if you want Tegan and Sara on your arm. Really!

If you’ve got the hair cut and the tattoos but need a date, you could just hang out at Revenge for ten minutes or sign up at Gaydar Girls. There are lots and lots of cute ladies that live in the area and are probably dying to meet you! For dating advice refer to Autostraddle, obvi! If you don’t believe in online dating like me, you should borrow someone’s dog and hang out at the beach near the pier, it always works!

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Nuts & Bolts

Unfortunately Brighton is, together with London, one of the most expensive places in the UK. The short distance to London (50 minutes on a train) and the beach front make this place very attractive to people with higher incomes,and with all the students in town the competition for cheap places is high. Many people live in Brighton and work in London, so making big city money and living by the sea is possible. The queerest gayborhood is Kemptown, it’s really uncool to hold hands with straight people there.

Sea Birds in Brighton

I never felt unsafe in Brighton, but just like in every other big city you’ll have to be careful if you walk home alone in the night. Many bus routes run all night and there are always plenty of taxis available to get you home safe. I would say that homophobia is a really rare thing in Brighton compared to other cities, but can’t be ruled out completely. Few of my trans* friends have had extremely bad experiences in queer spaces and I think that most venues are very welcoming. Sadly there are still hate crimes happening out there and Brighton is no exception. The Brighton Police has established a community safety team to support LGBTQ victims of hate crimes and provide information.

Whether you’re looking for a place to get inked, sip coffee or dance your face off, (among loads of other queer friendly activities), you’ll find a place for it — and people to do it with — in Brighton.

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

Queer Girl City Guide: Portland, Oregon

Meet LIPDX (Lesbians in Portland): a native Portlander, a Californian who’s lived here for over four years and a Northern Washingtonian also with four years of Portland-living under her belt.

alex, rachael and ashley of LIPDX

It’s an amazing city and has brought us together in the Queerest of ways. Here, we can be out and proud without fearing discrimination, and the city is not only jam-packed with queer ladies, it’s also well-equipped with Queer-positive laws, events, and resources. And yes, every day in this Queer Mecca is like an episode of Portlandia.

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Where To Get Your Drink/Dance On

It’s hard to believe, but there are no lesbian-specific bars anymore in Portland (R.I.P., The Egyptian Club). The city does compensate with plenty of Queer-friendly bars frequented by hordes of lesbians. Here’s a list of some of our favourites:

BARS:

Crush: Located in SE Portland, and known for its all-day Tuesday happy hour, where you can get a $3 mason jar whiskey and ginger. (Whiskey being the drink of choice for Portland lesbians.) Crush is a quaint neighborhood spot for a simple cocktail and some good eats.
1400 Southeast Morrison Street Portland, OR 97214

Bent

The Bye & Bye: An Alberta Street staple among the Queer ladies, The Bye & Bye offers a vegan menu and a heated back patio. Perfect for a cute date or a calm night with friends.
1011 Northeast Alberta Street Portland, OR 97211

The Florida Room: Located in NoPo (otherwise known as North Portland), The Florida Room is host to the ladies’ arm-wrestling competition. Most competitors are queer ladies with quirky names. On off days, The Florida Room is a perfect hangout complete with pool tables, a photobooth, and card games for loan.
435 North Killingsworth Street Portland, OR 97217

Holocene: Home of Gaycation, the events held at Holocene are all queer-friendly and cause you to break out your dance pants.
1001 SE Morrison Street, Portland, OR

Mississippi Studios (Bar Bar): Go to catch a show, hang out in the bar, or see an outdoor movie in the summer. Located on historic Mississippi Street, Bar Bar is known for its sweet happy hour and ability to attract some lovely ladies. It also hosts a newer queer dance night called MRS.
3939 N. Mississippi, Portland, OR 97227

Bar Bar

Foggy Notion: Home of Bent, this little bar in NoPo is a great hangout spot and hosts many Queer-friendly nights. This place is so small that you’ll have to talk to the person you’ve been eying for weeks or even months, because they’re probably standing right in front of you.
3416 North Lombard Street, Portland, OR 97217

The Know: Home to the queer dance “Dirt Bag” and other various queer-friendly nights. Located on super queer Alberta in NE.
2026 Northeast Alberta Street Portland, OR 97211

Sloan’s Tavern: Located in NoPo on Russel Street is an awesome queer-friendly dive bar without the typical Portland hipster pretentiousness.
36 North Russell Street Portland, OR 97227

The Tanker: Sitting at the base of Mt. Tabor on Hawthorne Blvd in SE, The Tanker is handy for catching a Blazers game on one of the big screens.
4825 Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard Portland, OR 97215

Plan B: A bar/pub located in industrial SE, featuring many shows and themed nights. You can generally find queer ladies here.
1305 Southeast 8th Avenue Portland, OR 97214

Fez Ballroom: A three-story dance venue that also plays host to “Homomentum.” Also check out their occasional 90s and Bollywood nights. Find it using the giant “Fish Grotto” sign as your landmark.
316 SW 11th Ave

Goodfoot Lounge: A bar upstairs and dance/show venue downstairs, the Goodfoot is known best as a place to kick it with friends and play pool. Also: hit up their well-reputed Soul Night.
2845 SE Stark Street Portland, OR 97214

Yes and No: Located in Old Town, is a tiny little hipster hole in the wall. The inside is dark and you might trip over yourself, but you’re sure to fall right into the arms of a cute hipster queer girl. There’s different DJ nights and on weekends different themed dance nights. It’s also a chill place to just grab a drink after work.
20 NW 3rd Ave Portland, OR 97209

Foggy Notion

Record Room: Lesbian owned and sharing a wall with the feminist bookstore In Other Words, the Record Room hosts a nightly DJ session with amazing local girls who just love to spin. Enjoy beer or wine and a game of pinball while listening to a set, which may or may not be an entire night of nothing by Cyndi Lauper, but who’s complaining?
8 NE Killingsworth St Portland, OR 97211

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Queer-Friendly Strip Clubs

Devil’s Point: Sunday nights here are Strippereoke. Ever wanted to sing karaoke and have naked girls dance around you? Well, this is where that happens.
5305 SE Foster Rd Portland, OR

Sassy’s: Located right across the street from Holocene, you’ll often find yourself wandering into Sassy’s after or even during Gaycation. The girls all look like they came right off the Suicide Girls site and are super friendly.
927 Southeast Morrison Portland, OR 97214

Casa Diablo: The Cadillac of strip clubs. This is the kind of place where ANYTHING goes. Another perk, in typical Portland fashion, the entire menu is vegan.
2839 NW St Helens Rd Portland, Oregon 97210

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Queer Dance Nights!

Deep Cuts: Every first Friday at Rotture. Fun and easy-going, generally filled with a variety of ladies. Electronic music showcase with great DJs. Sometimes it’s packed, sometimes it’s not, but that’s the chance you take with a newer dance party.

Dirt Bag: Every first Thursday at The Know, get to know (haha, get it?) your NoPo queers in a riot grrl setting.

Gaycation: Every third Saturday of the month. The quintessential Portland queer night. Put on and DJ-ed by Portland’s own Mr. Charming, this is a perfect night for dancing with friends and the occasional makeout with a stranger.

MRS.: Every second Saturday of the month. Predominantly for the ladies. MRS is best known for their themed nights, such as Space Odyssey, Leather & Lace, and Twin Peaks. Held at Mississippi Studios in North Portland, it’s an awesome night to get your freak on.

Bent: Every second Friday of the month. Where dreams come true. The entrance will remind you of a fight club, and from the outside it looks like nothing is happening. You’ll be greeted by dozens of trendy ladies decked out in leather jackets with hot jams blaring and the dance floor bumpin’. Definitely a LiPDX favorite. Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll get to make out with a hottie behind the giant billboard outside, (one of us has).

Bent

Hot Flash: Every last Saturday of the month, this is a dance party geared towards the 35+ lesbian demographic. Has go-go dancers, and you could go here to pre-game before heading to Blow Pony.

Blow Pony: Every last Saturday at Rotture/Branx. A queer staple for Portland although recently we’ve found that far more men than women are in attendance. It’s fun if you’re effed up out of your mind and don’t mind losing all your friends the minute you walk through the door. Yet, you’ll find us here most of the time anyway.

Blow Pony

Crave: A party that comes and goes, when it stops, nobody knows! Held semi-frequently at SE queer hotspot Crush. The two lovely ladies who put on Crush have moved to sunny L.A. and periodically come back to Portland to throw the ultimate lady rager. New Year’s Eve was their last Portland appearance, the Facebook pictures say it all.

Tuesday nights at CC’s: Tuesday’s is ladies night at CC’s, Portland’s most famous gay nightlife spot. Summer time is best to explore this option, the crowd gets bigger as the nights get warmer.

Hott: Every second Saturday at Crush, this is Portland’s newest queer lady-focused dance night. It’s new so the groove hasn’t yet been found, but everyone loves the GoGo Girls!

Maricone at Matador: Held at the Matador in NW, find it on the first three Saturdays of every month. It’s a mellow night of drunken dancing queers and cheap drink specials in a dive bar.

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Where To Eat and Drink (Coffee)

Radio Room

+ Tin Shed, 1438 NE Alberta Street Portland, OR 97211
+ Dingos, 4612 Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard Portland, OR 97215
+ The Bye and Bye, 1011 Northeast Alberta Street Portland, OR 97211
+ New Seasons, 1954 SE Division St. Portland, OR 97202
+ Cup and Saucer, 3000 Northeast Killingsworth Street Portland, OR 97211
+ The Observatory, 8115 Southeast Stark Street Portland, OR 97215
+ Gold Dust Meridian, 3267 Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard Portland, OR 97214
+ Produce Row, 204 Southeast Oak Street Portland, OR 97214
+ Hungry Tiger Too, 207 SE 12th Ave Portland, OR 97214
+ Doug Fir Lounge, 830 East Burnside Street Portland, OR 97214
+ Ron Toms, 600 East Burnside Street Portland, OR 97214
+ Muu-Muu’s, 612 Northwest 21st Avenue Portland, OR 97209
+ Russel Street BBQ, 325 Northeast Russell Street Portland, OR 97212
+ Beaker and Flask, 727 SE Washington St Portland, OR 97214
+ The Radio Room, 1101 Northeast Alberta Street Portland, OR 97211
+ Jaw on Hawthorne, 2239 Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard Portland, OR 97214

Tin Shed

Portland is plagued with coffee shops on basically every street corner. The perk of this is that almost ALL of the lady baristas are queer. Prepare for daily doses of eye candy as you settle into a coffee shop attempting to get work done. And here is a list of queer-centric cafes:

+ Jazzkat’s Coffee Bar, 1925 NE 42ND AVE PORTLAND, OR, 97213
+ 3 Friends Cafe, 201 Southeast 12th Avenue Portland, OR 97214
+ Bare Bones Cafe, 2908 Southeast Belmont Street Portland, OR 97214
+ PSU’s Food for Thought Cafe, PSU Smith Memorial Union 1825 SW Broadway, Portland, OR 97201
+ Floyd’s Coffee, 1412 Southeast Morrison Street Portland, OR
+ Crema, 2728 Southeast Ankeny Street Portland, OR 97214
+ Oblique, 3039 Southeast Stark Street Portland, OR 97214
+ The Black Cat Cafe, 1203 Northeast Alberta Street Portland, OR 97211
+ Backspace, 115 Northwest 5th Avenue Portland, OR 97209

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Getting Sporty

+ NetRippers F.C. (“NRFC”) is Portland’s only Soccer Club for LGBTQ players and friends, established in 2006 by a group of Portlanders energized to promote the thrilling international sport lacking in our Portland LGBTQ community.

NetRippers F.C.

+ The Timbers F.C. (PTFC) is Portland’s MLS team. You will find a lot a queer ladies in attendance at every game. The best spot to be during a game is in the stands with the Timbers Army.

+ Portland Trail Blazers is Portland’s NBA team, here you will also find a lot of queer ladies in the stands.

+ Rose City Softball is Portland’s LGBT softball league. www.rosecitysoftball.org/

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Collegiates

Portland State University is located in the heart of downtown PDX and boasts the largest student population in Oregon (i.e. lots of ladies!). PSU has nurtured the queer in all three of us as well as many others with its open community, classes, events and resources including the Queer Resource Center, Women’s Resource Center and Gender Studies department. The QRC hosts a queer prom each year, while the WRC holds The Vagina Monologues, Take back/Bike back the Night. PSU also hosts their Queer Pride week, which is one week before Portland Pride. There is also Trans Day of Remembrance.

Portland State University

Reed: In debt, awkward, brainy queers who throw crazy parties. Treat every single Reedie you meet as queer until proven otherwise. Snag an invite to their Queer Prom, Drag Ball or Fetish Ball if you can, or the (Un)Holy Grail: Renn Fayre. Communism, Atheism, Free Love!

PNCA: In debt, artistic hipster queers in the Pearl.

Lewis & Clark: In debt, granola queers, sometimes they come into the city on a bus called the RAZ. The Women’s Center is the main resource for women and queers of Lewis and Clark. They also put on their own Vagnia Monologues.

PCC campuses are located all over greater Portland. They offer cheaper entry level classes for Oregon and bordering state residents and many students cross over between PSU and PCC in their first couple of years.

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Support for LGBT Families

+ Beth Allen Law, LGBT lawyer, Portland OR lawyer, gay friendly attorney, Oregon LGBT rights.
+ SMYRC (Q Center), Since 1998 SMYRC has created safety and support for LGBTQQ youth in Oregon, through youth empowerment, community building, education and direct services.
+ Outside In (referrals), is to help homeless youth and other marginalized people move towards improved health and self-sufficiency.
+ Q Center

Prominent Social Activist Group

Basic Rights Oregon: BRO is an organization working in the areas of marriage equality, transgender justice, and racial justice in Oregon.

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Portland Gay Pride

Gay Pride in Portland is what you make it. Held every year the second to last weekend in June, most of us party the week before, all the way up to the Sunday parade. There’s a pride themed party or queers out partying every night of the week for Pride week; there are also a variety of day time picnics and gatherings. Many queers choose to participate in the famous World Naked Bike Ride that last year conveniently took place on the Saturday night of Pride weekend.

Portland Dyke March

The most epic Pride parties are Blow Pony, Gaycation, and the Redcap/Boxxes block party. Be warned though, the queers pile in by the masses and it’s a ridiculous scene of dancing and debauchery.

Saturday during the day is the Dyke march, where the lady queers descend onto the streets of Downtown Portland showing what we’re made of. It’s a fun way to gather with the community and a great excuse to get drunk in public.

If you make it to Sunday and can actually wake up, the Pride Parade is held in the West Side of Portland and travels down W. Burnside St. to the Waterfront Park where a festival is set up. Be warned though, the parade is a whopping four hours long and if you’re not drinking for every church group that passes by, you’re doing it wrong. Once it’s over, mosey on down to the Waterfront festival where the ridiculous amount of fences surrounding all the booths can make you feel like a caged animal. No matter, all the free swag and the likelihood that you’re still drunk from the week’s activities make it all better.

LGBT and Women’s Health Services

+ Planned Parenthood
+ A complete list of all the resources for women in Portland.

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LGBT Center

Q Center is a 501c3 non-profit organization that increases the visibility of and fosters connection within metropolitan Portland’s Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Questioning (LGBTQ) community. The center builds public awareness and support, and celebrates LGBTQ diversity through art, culture, and collaborative community programming.

Q Center

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Neighborhoods of Interest

All quadrants of Portland, (Northwest, Southwest, Northeast, Southeast, and North) hold something fascinating, interesting, and queer related. It depends on your mood, your eating habits, how much money you’re willing to spend, and at what distance you want to travel.

Gayborhoods

The Gayborhoods in Portland vary, there is not one specific Gayborhood, most neighborhoods attract specific types of queers depending on what area of town they are located in. There is NoPo, which houses Mississipi St. and the St. John’s area. In NE, Alberta Arts district, Irvington, Hollywood, as well as Laurelhurst. SE Portland holds Stark, Belmont, and Hawthorne boulevards, also Clinton St., all of which are hotbeds for queer spotting and Queer friendly shops and restaurants. NW Portland has trendy 23rd Ave. and 21st Ave., both are also great for queer spotting or spending a sunny day moseying around. SW Portland does not have many queer-centric offerings, but it is where Portland State University is located.

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Places to Avoid

Anywhere of outside of Portland proper…Portland is a liberal bubble in a conservative state. In the Portland metro, the odds of getting harassed are slim. Like anywhere, you have the occasional pocket of sketch but it’s a very safe city to live in. However, parts of the suburbs, especially Gresham, can get a little scary (skinheads, etc) and when you road trip out of the city to the smaller towns, you will definitely get some looks if you are wearing your pants too tight or hair is too gaysymmetrical.

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LGBT or Feminist Bookstores

In Other Words is a non-profit feminist bookstore located in North Portland and setting for the popular bookstore skits on Portlandia. They host a poetry night called Dirty Queer, supply the local colleges with gender studies textbooks, and host many other community events. They are also the location and inspiration for the Feminist Bookstore seen in the series Portlandia.
14 NE Killingsworth Street Portland, OR 97211

In Other Words

Powell’s is our independent book mega-store with multiple locations throughout the city including the City of Books tourist attraction downtown and a smaller location on trendy Hawthorne – both with local coffee shops attached. Powell’s is an institution in Portland’s history and hosts book talks and guest authors, which are often free.
1005 W Burnside Portland, OR 97209

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Performing Arts or Arts Groups

+ Homomomentum: A queer variety show held once a month at The Fez in downtown PDX complete with singers, dancers, comedians, and a wide range of unique performances.
+ Peep Show at Red Cap
+ Portland’s Lesbian Chorus

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Dating scene

Portland is a great city to be a single queer lady. This town is very body positive, sex positive and accepting of gender variant identities. In a recent study based on dating website statistics, Portland was named one of the most sexually active and promiscuous cities in the country (do with that what you will). OkCupid is all the rage among the PDX ladies which is great for meeting a variety of folks and makes queer dance parties all the more voyeuristic and interesting. Stay here long enough and you’ll have your own version of The Chart forming in your head. With all of our coffee shops and obsessive food & drink culture, we are never short of a place to take your date, even on a budget.

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LGBT Events

+ Chunky Dunk: A body positive swim day that happens at a local pool during the summer.
+ Gay Skate: A queer roller skate night at the Oaks Park hanger, also home of the Rose City Rollers derby league. Gay Skate is sponsored by QPDX.com
+ Lesbian Arm Wrestling at Florida Room
+ F-Holes Queer Music series

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Salons for Alternative Lifestyle Haircuts

+ Bishop’s & Rudy’s are two local chain barber shops that cater to everyone and they do it cheap. If you want a trendy haircut, these places offer walk-in appointments and Bishop’s will offer you a cold Miller High Life while you wait. You are guaranteed to walk into any of the shops and find a queer lady behind one of the chairs that can meet your hair needs.
+ Beauty Bar
+ Grace Salon is higher scale salon that makes their own hair products and will really give you their time for your money. They offer an apprenticeship program for new stylists and their staff boasts several trendy queers.

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Best Tattoo Artists/Places

Portland loves tattoos. The end.

Icon Tattoo

+ Icon: An amazing group of artists, mostly ladies, who gave the LiPDX girls a great set of matching unicorn tats on their asses during one of their flash sales for Friday the 13th.
+ Mama Tamma at Adorn
+ Scapegoat, Vegan Tattoos

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Etc.

She Bop is our local female-owned and centered sex toy shop located in the N Mississippi neighborhood. They offer a positive environment, helpful staff and a range of high quality sex toys. The shop also offers classes and workshops such as The Joys of Toys! & Exploring Burlesque: Striptease Salon. (909 North Beech Street Portland, OR 97227)

Bitch Media is a feminist culture commentary magazine and blog with offices based out of Portland. They have a lending library and support local businesses.

Dogs Dig It: Is a lesbian owned and operated doggy daycare located in SE Portland. (1132 Southeast Salmon Street Portland, OR 97214)

Out Loud Radio: Portland’s Queer radio show that airs on KBOO community radio.

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The Great Outdoors

Portland is bordered by the Pacific ocean, the Willamette & Columbia rivers, and Mt. Hood. Plenty of queer ladies flock to the nude beach at Sauvie Island, there is a spot at the end of the nude cooridor where all the queers flock to. Picnicking at the bluffs at Overlook Park in North Portland is a summertime favorite. One can also float the Sandy River at Rooster Rock or the Clackamas River in the summer, accompanied by some beers in the next inner tube over. During the winter, Mt. Hood Ski Bowl hosts a ladies’ nights on Tuesdays that offers cheap lift tickets.

Sauvies Island

Diversity

In 2010, the census showed the city was 73.9% White (405,938), 8.8% Hispanic or Latino (of any race) (48,285), 7.8% Asian (42,785), 7.8% Black or African American (42,711), 2.8% Native American (15,523), 0.6% Pacific Islander (3,564), and 3.0% from other races (16,347). Portland also is ranked 7th in the nation with the highest LGBT population. About 9% of Portland identifies as L, G, B, or T.

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Safety

Q Patrol is a citizens foot patrolling program to help prevent gay bashing from occurring at downtown establishments after some attacks that happened against some people that were perceived to be homosexual or transgendered. It is strictly volunteer and is coordinated by the Q Center.

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Cost of Living

Fairly inexpensive: $500-$1200 average monthly rent for an apartment, $300-$600 for a room in a house. Transportation costs are low and no car is needed. Public transportation is also very useful, with two types of rail trains and and an extensive TriMet bus system. Portland is also bike-tastic: it’s one of the most bike-friendly cities in the country, with bike paths galore and a solid community. In the summer many cute ladies ride their bikes around wearing tank tops and you can see all of their tattoos.

Even the street signs in Portland are bike-friendly

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Queer-friendliness of the City

Portland is a very queer-friendly city. Within the city limits, queers are seen everywhere and go relatively unnoticed by the general population. Walking around town, you’ll see many different business with the HRC equality sticker hanging on a window, or a rainbow flag. Portland makes us queers feel very welcomed.

The overall atmosphere of the city is SUPER friendly. When walking around on a sunny day, expect smiles and nods from strangers and friendly waves. People in Portland are very chill, accepting, and friendly overall.

The GLBT communities get along very well with one another here in Portland. Because most of the queer events are all-inclusive, all the communities intermingle, which sets the tone of acceptance and friendship all around. Also, Basic Rights Oregon lists all of the laws and rights that queers in Oregon have on their website.

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

Queer Girl City Guide: Montreal, Canada

0. 2/20/2012 – Here/Queer Call for Submissions, by Riese
1. 3/02/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Montreal, Canada, by Sid

Photos by my former roommate Jessica Levy, who has great legs

I envision Montréal as some sexy androgyne character with a sweet moustache and a pair of lacy panties; its decidedly seedy underbelly is dressed up in a chichi couture suit, and it’s wearing vintage brown lace-up boots.

Bienvenue à la belle ville, home to a diverse mélange of people who share French as the lingua franca** (with English used by a sizable minority). Full-contact strip clubs are nestled between office buildings and shopping centers. It’s bitterly cold and snowy in the winter and savagely hot and humid in the summer (ever walked around under someone’s tongue? Ever wanted to? Just visit Montréal in late July). The city on the surface is only part of the show – there’s a whole ville souterraine to explore once the weather has kicked your ass.

Dépanneur du Village

The alternative crowd has a magnetic attraction to Québec’s sin city and its sea of underground culture and cutting edge art. It’s also one of the more tolerant and homo-friendly spots on earth, and its population is legendarily good-looking. (Coincidence? I think not) PS… Montrealers throw damn good parties. If you’re invited, don’t forget that beer o’clock is 11 PM (but most bars don’t close until 3 AM).

**Some of the resources here are only available in French. Wherever possible, I’ve linked to a bilingual or English webpages. Although most Montrealers are at least functionally French-English bilingual (many are fluent in both, and many are trilingual), if you’re in town, seriously try to use your French! It’s the official language. Your accent is hot, I promise.

High Priority Information: The Lesbian/Queer Bars

Le Drugstore (1366, rue Ste-Catherine Est)
Drugstore is a giant gay pub-club-situation on a whole bunch of levels with various patios and occasional roof-top wrestling in a kiddie pool. It’s known as a lesbian bar but it’s really an all-encompassing “we’re queer and we have nowhere better to go on a Saturday night” bar. It does cater to the ladies, however, and during Pride many of the big events for the girls will be held here. There are pool tables and video poker machines and they serve fries from a fancy new kitchen.

Club Unity (1171, rue Ste-Catherine Est)

Sky (1474, rue Ste-Catherine Est)
These are the two wooooooo-let’s-do-shooters-of-something-neon!-gay clubs. Unity often has international DJs and special events. Sky has a downstairs pub and a few different rooms to dance to different drum machines and mingle with different crowds. Everyone is welcome: boys, girls, trans*, cis, queer, straight, and anybody in between. I think I like Sky more, but Unity follows me on Twitter, so it’s a toss up.

Royal Phoenix (5788, boul St-Laurent)
The first officially queer bar outside of the Gay Village, it’s a non-stop party with DJs, live bands, and special events. They’ve got a lot of potential (and gender neutral bathrooms) but the bar service is sometimes so slow that you leave or you get over yourself and just have to dance sober (and thirsty).

Queer-Friendly Bars That Aren’t Necessarily Queer Bars

Bar Waverly (5550, boul St-Laurent). Waverly has a bustling, hipster-chic urban vibe. Impromptu dancing might spontaneously occur between female-bodied individuals with alternative lifestyle haircuts. Also, this is where people find themselves if they get impatient waiting for a drink at the Royal Phoenix.

Le Belmont (4483, boul St-Laurent) is often partying down with DJs spinning drum n bass or dubstep. I’m not going to pretend I like dubstep, but you go right ahead. The place itself has a good vibe.

Cabaret Playhouse (5656, av du Parc) is the home to queer dance parties called Faggity-Ass Fridays. You can’t really host an event with this name without being faggitydyke friendly, can you?

Salon Officiel (351, rue Roy Est). This spicy little rock bar hosts a loud and sexy ladies night – Amène Ta Blonde. The crowd is tattooed and cooler-than-thou, the music is usually good, the service is normally fast.

Else’s (156, rue Roy Est). With a cheap menu of decent bar snacks, a manageable drink list, a dimly lit kitschy interior, and good music all night, Else’s is a gem barely off the beaten path between St-Laurent and St-Denis. Everybody “in the know” loves this sweet little pub (it’s always bustling but never uncomfortably packed) and it’s definitely a fun place to bring a girl for a brew and a bite. Chances of running into your ex girlfriend: slim to none.

Popular Restos and Cafés

Le Cagibi (5490, boul St-Laurent) is a super cute, crowded but cozy café in the Mile-End staffed by tattooed indie rockers. They host nifty events, serve good coffee and tea, and yes, you can totally get a beer (as long as you eat something). Great spot for reading a book or accidentally spilling something all over someone you wish you had an excuse to talk to.

Aux Vivres (4361, boul St-Laurent). This colourful vegan resto has great food and they’re super allergy conscious. They deliver. YAY.

Shaika Café (5526, rue Sherbrooke Ouest). Way out (ha!) in NDG, this is where to find the queer Concordia students who live west-of-downtown. With good coffee, veg friendly grub, and – yes, again – beer, Shaika hosts lots of open mic nights (with some genuinely talented people) and some rad live music. Cue the fiddles.

Le Club Sandwich

Le Club Sandwich (1570, rue Ste-Catherine Est). After those late nights clubbing or drinking or a booty call in the Village, you probably need a poutine (look it up). Or a club sandwich. Or a Coca-Cola from a little glass bottle. This place is always open, the food doesn’t suck, and the people watching is diviiiinnnnnee. 110% queer and trans* friendly.

Casa del Popolo and Sala Rossa (4873 and 4848, boul St-Laurent). Casa does vegetarian food, lots of live music, and cool art/film/spoken-word stuff. Sala Rossa does Spanish food, live music, and Meow Mix!

LGBTQ Events

Amène Ta Blonde at Salon Officiel.
Amène ta blonde means bring your girlfriend. It’s probably best you don’t bring your girlfriend to this monthly soirée for ladies who love ladies, because someone will definitely make a pass at you while you’re waiting in the tiny bathroom, and the girls in attendance tend to be hot and… well. It’s just not a girlfriend kind of night.

Meow Mix
The website isn’t always super updated but you can check out the event listings in the free alternative newsweekly, the Montréal Mirror. Meow Mix is a monthly party for queer chicks and those who like to go out on the town with them. They do drag shows, burlesque, dances– you know. The good stuff. Normally at Sala Rossa.

Faggity-Ass Fridays at the Playhouse.
A queer/trans* dance your pants off party, sometimes literally.

Tease
Tease is a slick, ladies-only hip-hop & house dance party that takes over various clubs throughout the year. It’s not cheap but they often have awesome deals for all-you-can-drink. It’s mostly girls in their 20s, but there are always older lesbians and some of the young’uns too (the drinking age is 18 in Québec).

Fierté Montréal Pride
FACT: Montréal Pride = awesome.
The whole city gets even gayer, if you can imagine. Spend the weekend checking out queer-centered art exhibits, buying cool boxers from obscenely handsome gay men and collecting free condoms (safer strap-on sex FTW) on Ste-Catherine Street, and hitting up some of the zillions of dance parties that take place over the weekend. On Sunday, get a big drunch (drunkbrunch, in case this special word is unfamiliar) with your most homotastic pals, grab some plastic cups and pretend you’re drinking apple juice, and find a spot to watch the really, really long parade while acting like you’re not getting sunstroke. Afterward, the partying continues and swarms of your fellow semi-nude LGBTQueers screw up the heteronormative traffic flow en route to promiscuous, debaucherous Pride parties (AKA lunch, bars, and/or the T-dance).

Pervers-cité: “the underside of Pride.” Enough said. Enjoy.

Divers/cité is outdoor music, cinema, performances, and drag: queers and trans* people are awesomely talented and creative and Pride isn’t actually about how much sangria you can drink or your endless quest for not-tacky rainbow boxers.

Dating Scene

Ok, so you are doing your hair/shining your boots/putting on your Rodeoh Harness under your skinny jeans, and getting ready to go out on the town since you now have a hot list of places to go! Thanks Autostraddle!

Club Unity

How do you go about asking a girl out? I’ll give you a quick French lesson:

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi = not a good pick-up line
Je t’aime = the words you don’t want to hear on your second date
Tabarnak = all purpose swear word (if she says this while cringing, she’s not interested)

The girls in MTL really are great and have a reputation as being a little more sexually liberal than the rest of Canada (I’m not making this up, I totally read it in Chatelaine when I was at the eye doctor a couple years ago)… but these hot, awesome, possibly sexually liberal women may well have made out with your ex. Or you and you forgot. Case in point: my bestest lezbro (we don’t use this word to refer to dudes that hang out with us, we use it for each other, whatever) had an ex who was the BFF of my ex and HOW DID WE NOT REALIZE THIS and my other buddy’s ex-lady used to hit on me when she was still with my buddy before we were even buds and this is the same everywhere… this is the lesbian spit-chain and precisely why Alice made the Chart.

So. Uh. Relax and ask her out already.

College Life

Chances are good if you’re considering relocating to Montréal you either A) will only stay until it snows, B) you are aspiring to a career in a call center and you can’t speak French, C) you’re some kind of artist/musician/professional balloon animal maker/circus person, D) or you’re a student.

Let’s go with option D, student. Montréal is a major university town. On the plus side, that equals student discounts, multi-cultural queerdom, and lots of barely used Ikea furniture being sold on craigslist for dirt cheap. On the less posi side, this means there are constant freshman events: scavenger hunts and face paint and chanting crap at when people nearby might still be sleeping because they stayed till the sun came up. YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN.

Anyway.

McGill University is an Ivy league level English-language university in beautiful old buildings all over the downtown area. Check out Queer McGill for your smartypants homogay lifestyle.

There’s also Concordia University, my alma mater. With 40 billion students, some classrooms conveniently located underneath a mall-like food court, a complete lack of greenspace downtown, and really long lines for everything … it’s everything you ever wanted in a uni. Oh, but Concordia boasts the Simone de Beauvoir College if you’re into women’s studies. I’ve heard it’s amazing but I majored in French and occupied myself with debates about pronoun neutralization and reading poems that will really help me find a job some day.

Le Village

Concordia has an LGBTQ+ student group that hosts all kinds of events; they’re called Queer Concordia (go look for them on Facebook). The 2110 Centre for Gender Advocacy is also associated with Concordia. They do a lot of advocacy and campaigning for social justice causes and better women’s and trans* health services. They also have a program where you can donate minimal cash and get a binder (or even a swim binder!) if that’s what you need to comfortably express your gender identity. Awesome place. (For more Concordia info, go to Autostraddle’s fairly recent college guide.)

UQÀM, one of Montréal’s French-language universities, is located downtown in the mish-mash of McGill, Concordia, and 19 year old bar tourists from The States. They don’t seem to have a queer student group, but they do (did?) have a women’s group. Although the blog hasn’t been updated recently, the group may still be active. There’s also the French only Centre des Femmes.

Up in the far-away land of the métro’s blue line (does anyone actually live up there?) is the Université de Montréal. They have both a feminist group, Campus Feministe, and an LGBTQ+ student group, l’Alternative.

HEC Montréal is a big business school and they care about their queer biz majors! Check out their well-being linky-link on sexual orientation.

Vanier College, a local cégep, has a good site with tons of links to resources for LGBTQ+ people. In French and English.

There is also a whole cluster of junior colleges/cégeps, polytéchniques, etc.

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Gaybourhood

Le Village Gai (The Gay Village) is located mostly between métro Beaudry and métro Papineau on the south-east side of downtown, concentrated along Ste-Catherine and de Maisonneuve. It’s a little more about the boys, but there’s no shortage of lesbians and there is a sizeable trans* population as well. The majority of the gay clubs are here, as well as a ton of great restaurants and countless places to get coffee. The yellow dépanneur (aka bodega/convenience store/place to buy beer) at the corner of Ste-Catherine and Visitation is like a social experiment. Venture in. Buy dusty boxes of cookies and and fly swatters and bachelor food.

Some of the side streets and little parks feel a bit sketchy after dark and there is often a pretty heavy police presence. There is active and visible sex work in this area; if that makes you uncomfortable, avoid Ontario Street at night after the bars close.

Métro Beaudry

Other (Slightly Less Gay)bourhoods

The Mile-End (métro Laurier)
Located north of St-Joseph Street and South of Bernard, centered around boulevard St-Laurent and avenue du Parc, the Mile-End is a super hip, über artsy area home to artists (did you guess that?), students, activists, and duh, lesbians. I’d venture to say this is where the heaviest concentration of queer chicks live. Total win. There is a wealth of cafés, cool bars, galleries, friperies, tiny markets, and yummy restos (the illusive taco truck takes over Le Nouveau Palais a few nights a week and the place FILLS with hipsters and queers getting cheap eats after midnight). The fun is endless. Try biking here at night!

Le Plateau Mont-Royal (métros Sherbrooke & Mont-Royal)
Said to be one of the most awesome places on the continent (another Montréal fact that may or not be invented), Le Plateau is a trendy area of clubs, bars, boutiques, and bistros. It is situated literally on a Plateau- walk from métro St-Laurent up to Sherbrooke to get a feel for it; skip it if you are wearing stilettos/it’s icy/you don’t like walking up really big hills. Le Plateau is heavily populated by working artists (this is not an oxymoron) and is full of pricy/adorable apartments with nice woodwork and spiral staircases, snazzy nightclubs, a couple divey spots to make you feel better about yourself, and futuristic furniture stores no one can actually afford to shop in. Head up to Parc Mont-Royal on a Sunday to enjoy the Tam-Tams, a city-wide gathering of drum circles and fencing and picnicking on the mountain.

Aux Vivres

St-Henri (métros Lionel-Groulx & Place-St-Henri)
This neighbourhood on the south-west end of the city is one of my favourites although it is rapidly being gentrified. It’s a mix of brand new condos, beat up apartments painted funky colours by a series of residents who have transferred their leases to avoid rent increases, and a crazy complex of jamspaces and communal-living anarcho-lofts by the train tracks. The neighbourhood is populated by new immigrants, students, young families and long time resident Québecois families, and alternative folks of all stripes– it’s like a microcosmic snapshot of the city. There’s still some cheap housing and an increasingly delicious collection of bars. Venture west to get tattooed at Glamort (4411, rue Notre-Dame Ouest), and try Le Caffé Mariani (4450, rue Notre-Dame Ouest) for a good coffee. Check out the Atwater Market to scope local veggies (and girls), go biking along the Lachine Canal, or RENT A BOAT! Yes, you CAN.

NDG, formally Notre-Dame-de-Grâce (métros Vendôme & Villa Maria)
Semi-affectionately called No Damn Good, this is a sprawling majority Anglophone neighbourhood on the west end of the city that houses Concordia University’s Loyola campus. It is also home to a surprising number of lesbians– consensus is that they are mostly coupled and they choose this neighb’ because the housing is cheap and they like riding the 105 bus (this part is probably a lie because no one likes riding the 105 bus). The Monkland Village is a cute strip with tons of cupcake bakeries and moms in LuLu Lemon pants (I wasn’t looking, I swear). Further south, on Sherbrooke, there is a pretty awesome chocolate store. The woman who runs it is amazingly adept at helping pick justttt the stuff to get your sorry ass out of the doghouse. Just don’t tell your girlfriend you didn’t pick out the chocolate yourself…

Little Italy (métro Jean Talon)
Another fun area of clustered side streets and great cafés, Little Italy is just far enough out to be affordable. It is home to the legendary Jean Talon Market which is awesome for all things delicious, and Il Motore, a cool, divey/indie show bar (it earned major queer points when Lucas Silveira, Hunter Valentine, and Sick of Sarah played there in 2011).

Of course, there’s also Centre-Ville (downtown) and Old Montréal, both full of restaurants, bars, and shopping. Less queer-centric, but you can find loads of amazing museums, good theatres, and lots of clothes.

Safety and Places to Avoid

Like any big city, bad things happen here. However, in 5+ years living in Montréal, I never once discovered an area I didn’t feel at least mostly safe– and I have been to all the “bad” neighbourhoods, usually in the middle of the night and generally wearing things like fishnets and hotpants and neon wigs with like $400 cash tucked semi-visibly into my bra or boots. I wish I were making this up.

Ultimately, random violent crime is pretty uncommon and gun violence is significantly lower than many US cities. In very-central Montréal, just watch your pockets around métro Berri-UQÀM (muggings aren’t so uncommon on the side streets) heading toward Beaudry. There are no areas in Montréal I would say you should absolutely avoid; use common sense if something/somewhere feels a little shady.

LGBT and Women’s Health Services

À deux mains/ Head and Hands
According to their website, Head and Hands offers “medical, legal and social services.” They are queers and trans* positive/inclusive and offer a drop-in clinic, counseling services, and a general safe space for youth.

Canadian Rainbow Health Coalition/Coalition santé arc-en-ciel Canada
A national resource with health information, resources for LGBTQ parents, and more. The link above brings you to their list of LGBTQ+ health coalitions and organizations with their locations.

For women and trans* people, the 2110 Centre for Gender Advocacy has many resources. See more info on them under Concordia University.

LGBT Center/Organizations

Montreal Gay and Lesbian Community Centre ( 2075, rue Plessis). ( 514) 528-8424
The community center has a library, offers legal information and all sorts of support resources, and is in a building shared with Jeunesse Lambda, Project 10, CSSQ (The AIDS coalition for deaf persons in Québec), Gris , and other LGBTQ+ and HIV/AIDS community services.

There is also an LGBTQ Youth Center at the Beaconsfield United Church on the West Island if you so happen to be out in the middle of nowhere.

ATQ: Aide aux transexuels et transexuelles du Québec (mostly in French) is an association to support the local trans* community and combat prejudice. They provide information about surgeries, the legal aspects of transitioning in Québec, current events, and more.

Casa del Popolo

Centre de Solidarité Lesbienne (4126, rue St-Denis, Bureau 301)
Center for Lesbian Solidarity. Among other things, a solid support for those recovering from or dealing with conjugal violence. Site in French only.

McGill University Sexual Identity Centre (MUSIC) provides counseling services to those in need regarding sexual orientation and gender identity, as well as to their friends/partners/family. Covered by provincial healthcare or RAMQ.

 Project 10 Help Line (514) 989-4585, a hotline for LGBTQ+ youth 14-25. Lines are open in the afternoons and early evenings or you can drop in on Thursday nights, 6:30pm to 8:30pm. They offer peer counseling, advocacy and accompaniment services, and fun stuff like camping retreats.

Gay Line and Gai Écoute (514)-866-5090.
These are suicide prevention and listening hotlines. Gai Écoute is French; Gay Line is English. Call the shared phone number and you’ll be directed as needed. Both are anonymous and confidential. Gay-Line is open in the evenings between 7 and 11. If you have a Telus phone, you can dial “1010 and be connected right away.

Support for LGBT Families

The LGBT Family Coalition is an organization that offers workshops, informational seminars, and social activities to LGBT parents/families.

All Things Arts

The Ste-Emilie Skillshare (3942, rue Ste. Emilie) is a super queer and trans* posi place for community arts, learning new things (brewing? screen printing? DIY sex toy making?), or checking out the occasional vernissage. They have a solid calendar of upcoming workshops and events.

Image+Nation: Less party, more smart! Image+Nation is an international LGBT film fest.

Studio XX is a feminist art center that embraces both bilingualism (major plus in MTL) and technology.

Rough Diamond is a “queer hip hop triumvirate.” All things… queer and hip-hop? Dig it!

Rae Spoon lives in Montréal. If they are performing, please go! So awesome.

Coco Riot, creator of Genderpoo and contributor to the project “Call me They” with Elisha Lim, is an MTL resident.

Queer Tango. It’s supposedly fun for people that maybe can act like grownups for 0.3 seconds.

LGBT or Feminist Bookstores

Concordia’s Co-Op Bookstore (2150, rue Bishop) is cooperatively run and sells textbooks, regular books, zines, and they do consignment. They totally support local writers and artists.

Insoumise (2033, boul St-Laurent) is an anti-authoritarian bookstore and community space that houses lots of feminist lit.

poutine

Salons for Alternative Lifestyle Haircuts

Helmet (163, av du Mont-Royal Est)
Go see Dany. He’s super queer and totally rocks the shears (that was like a hair haiku). He cut my hair and it was like an amazing therapy sesh and I walked out of there feeling like Wonder-Dyke who could totally pick up every girl I walked anywhere near. Thank YOUUU Dany for understanding the plight of the lesbian fashion mullet.

Coupe Bizarre (3770, boul St-Laurent)
The go-to for asymmetrical and all things colourful.

Formerly a queer bike shop and hair salon, JJ’s Lesbian Haircuts for Everyone/Coupe Lesbienne pour N’Importe Qui recently moved to 824 Ontario East . The haircuts are only $15! How wrong can you go? Bikurious remains at 1757, rue Amherst.

Tattoos

Saving Grace Tattoo (5626, rue Sherbrooke Ouest )
This little shop, all tucked away on Sherbrooke Street in NDG, is male-run but lesbian friendly. Had you stopped in during the summer, you would have totally heard a chick dominated playlist on repeat and probably would have had your appointment scheduled by a tattooed lesbionic creature who would have loved to flex her biceps for you. Uh, seriously though, Alex K’eh tattoos a lot of lesbians, it’s almost ridiculous. Although a custom shop with lots of appointments, you can sometimes nab a walk-in.

Other shops that put out solid and unique work and have good reputations but at which I have not worked:

Imago (158, Prince-Arthur Est)
Tattoomania (1015, de Maisonneuve Est)
Tatooatouage / MTL Tattoo (4525 and 2057, rue St Denis), or the aforementioned Glamort (4411, Notre-Dame Ouest).

These are all custom shops and many artists have significant wait times. There are other worthy shops in town too; please do your research and call in advance (even though you have to go find the phone numbers yourselves).

Counting Your Loonies & Toonies (aka Cost of Living)

Compared to other major cities:

Rent = affordable. You can probably live without 14 roommates. Depending on the area, you can definitely score solo digs for $500-600/month, and easily get a place with roommate for $800-1000 total (often less). It might even be a cute place with a big balcony and plenty of closet space and nice floors.

Food = not so cheap but way cheaper than in Vancouver.

Booze = significantly more expensive than in neighbouring NY but relatively cheap and accessible compared to some other Canadian provinces.

Public transport = an arm and a leg if you’re just visiting. Check our your options for day passes, evening passes, or a pass for a week (hebdomadaire). You also get a better bang for your buck if you buy 2 tickets at once ($5.50) instead of 1 at a time (3 bucks a pop- ouch!).

Things that cost too much in Québec: shampoo, milk (some brands of rice milk are cheap), Tofurkey, taxis.

Things that are free-ish: healthcare, riding your bicycle, making out at Parc Lafontaine.

Diversity

Montréal is extremely diverse… there’s China Town, Little Italy, Little India, Little Maghreb, Little-almost-everywhere-else (no Little Nebraska or Little Antarctica, sorry, I looked). Queers are everywhere but highly concentrated in the Village and Mile-End.

Queer Friendliness of the City

This town has a pretty vivre et laisser vivre attitude. Like anywhere, there are less-than-awesome encounters with unpleasant people, but for the most part, your over the top PDA won’t phase anyone. They’ll either ignore you or tell you to get a room (but they don’t care if it’s a lesbian room).

Sports

Les Canadiens. Practice this: GO HABS GO!
Try to score some tickets to watch a match at the Bell Center. You will drink Molson and you won’t even think about the Maple Leafs. Have I told you that hockey is life? Hockey.is.life.

Les Alouettes are Montréal’s football team, also known as the Als. They play at Percival Molson Stadium.

The Stingers is the name for all of Concordia’s sports teams. I bet McGill has sports teams too, but… whatever.

Team Montreal. Pretty much every sport you can imagine has a gay team in Montréal.

The Dukes of Drag
Yes, dragkings are athletes of gender-bending and making your panties/boxerbriefs wet. I think Autostraddle will probably move this link out from the sports section. I don’t know where to put it.

Montréal Roller Derby. You love roller derby! Of course you do. And you might see Tegan and/or Sara in the stands, it’s been known to happen. Tickets sell out fast– buy in bulk, bring your friends.

Part of an ongoing series of Queer Girl City Guides.

10 Things I’ve Learned About Flying and 5 Things I Never Will

2012 is the Year of the Tiger*, and also a year that I have found myself flying approximately all of the time. I have gleaned little wisdom to date, but what I do know I will share with you now, in the utmost confidence.

Go on, settle into the scratchy sky-high polyester seat at my side and let the unfortunate aesthetic of its muted geometric pattern wash over you. Buckle its alarmingly limp ostensible safety fabric around your waist and try not to feel weird about it. Here are 10 pieces of pseudo-advice and 5 pieces of not-advice for avid travelers and wayward sky-faring individuals of all shapes and sizes.

* not actually true

pairs well with klonopin

5 Things I have not learned and will never learn:

1. How to pack a bag more than 1 hour prior to leaving for the airport because it always works out okay actually, 100% of the time.

2. The right amount of coffee to drink that will get me to the airport on time without sending me flailing into an endless cascade of anxiety.

3. How to choose reading materials that I will actually care to consume and how to avoid the stuff that will just glare at me for the duration of the flight, riddling me with the guilt of the ill-read.

4. How to cope with the crippling public transportation OCD that prohibits me from rewearing any article of clothing that was on my person in-air once I arrive at my destination.

5. How to talk about my flying/travel panic without it being a humblebrag. (bcw just taught me the word humblebrag, so this one is sort of in progress)

the marine layer is my favorite mystery about LA

10 things that I have learned:

1. The TSA is wholly ineffectual. I have accidentally found myself on the other side of a security checkpoint with everything from hulking nalgenes full of suspect liquids to razors and (Boy Scout) knives. A close friend made it through by accident recently with an entire tin full of joints. Which is not to say you should try this. I think anything you do in an airport is a federal crime, so try to remain very still and do very little.

2. Never check a bag. You will not only save a ridiculous amount of time, but you’ll look extra hot, strong, and gay. And you’ll be building up invaluable arm muscle. You’ll need that later.

3. Airports make you sweaty. Never wear Tom’s on a flight. It just can’t be there for you — it’s time to bring out the the big guns.

4. Everything I ever told you about drinking and flying still stands [see the “In-flight Advice for Adventurers” section]. For bonus points, bring travel sized bottles of liquor and order a mixer on the plane (free!)

5. Tweet at the airport and check in on Foursquare. You’ll experience a sense of deep fullfilment that your life is otherwise devoid of. You will win friends and admirers, be the talk of the town, etc.

6. No one ever hooks up in an airport except in that one episode of Six Feet Under, unless I made that up too. It’s sort of unfortunate but also maybe a good thing.

7. In order to hibernate properly, you will need the following: a hoodie, fingerless gloves, over the ear headphones, wool socks and sunglasses. This is The Best. It’s like being an anonymous bear in an anonymous bearcave 30,000 feet in the air.

8. Are you going to a godless place without proper coffee? Pack a shatter-proof french press and some pre-ground coffee beans from your pretentious local roaster of choice. You can put it in your carry on and the interior of the french press will fit between 1-5 snacks. Your luggage will smell like euphoria.

9. Snacks! These Mojo Clif bars are the best even though I think they are terrible for you, maybe. Also: bananas.

10. “Two carry-on bags” actually means three for your average not-asshole. You have business class traveler assholes who just don’t give a fuck and wheel on suitcases of egregious proportions to thank for this. Smallish rolling suitcases are okay or whatever, but we’re all homos here.

Get yourself a proper duffel bag (ideally from a garage sale or Army Surplus store), a decent backpack, and something else small like a tote bag or a Crown Royal pouch slung around your beltloop, full of treasure. You are now Pro. You’re welcome.

Those are my things. Do you have things? Tell them to me.

28 Things About Portland That Seem True

1. Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. Beer; beer, beer.

2. Funemployment.

3. Everything is so cheap that you will compulsively overtip. (You’re doing it wrong).

4. Never look a kombucha mother in the eye. This is so serious.

5. There’s actually a skyline, sort of! It’s pretty!

6. Why does anyone not live here?

7. Oh yeah, rain.

8. Sometimes at a 4-way stop everyone just sits there politely and looks at each other.

9. People keep saying ominous, cryptic things about the rain.WINTER IS COMING.

10. How many people meant to move to Seattle and just didn’t quite make it?

11. Go by train, y’all.

12. Every day is Portlandia brought to life, but don’t say that because it’s probably not cool.

13. No one over 40 lives here…which translates into a terrible cougar deficit.

14. If you see Carrie Brownstein at a coffee shop around the corner, you’ll really wish you’d sprung for a bike with cooler handlebars. Then you will hyperventilate for 30 seconds and need your inhaler.

15. There are more coffee shops than human people to occupy them.

16. This exists.

17. Kinds of guilt you will accumulate: Guilt of leeching off of the local economy while making an out-of-state salary, Lack of cultural diversity guilt, Guilt of incorrectly composting, Guilt of wanting an automatic drip coffee maker, Paper towel guilt, Symmetrical haircut guilt.

18. Why is there no one living in these basements?

19. When someone offers to “take you to the river,” say yes; never ask which river.

20. Maybe there are no gay bars because every structure with humans inside of it is a theoretical gay bar.

21. There is no sales tax. REPEAT: THERE IS NO SALES TAX.

22. Never let anyone see you use your inhaler, esp. while biking. See: #14.

23. Sometimes a guy at the bar next to you just went to sleep sitting up, and the bartender nudges him awake gently and suggests he close out instead of tipping him out of his chair like in most cities.

24. Holistic everything.

25. Post-PoMo, Post-Irony, Post-Everything except brunch. Brunch is fucking serious, so stay in the moment, okay?

26. No one ever tries to steal your bike, which is sort of boring.

27. You can eat biscuits and veg. gravy every single day, which is to say that you will never leave.

28. This: “One of Portlandia’s catchphrases is that Portland is “where young people go to retire,” but that doesn’t fully capture it. Rather, think back to the moment when you realized you were grown up enough to buy candy whenever you wanted. Then imagine extending that phase indefinitely, for years.”

The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Istanbul

This was the summer that my girlfriend and I traveled all over the world. In May, we went to Bali for a wedding. In July, my girlfriend took a business trip to Istanbul, and I got to tag along. In August, I attended a friend’s wedding in France. We were astounded by our luck but frustrated about the lack of information on traveling while lady-gay in any of these places. In addition to sharing our crazy summer with y’all, I’m hoping my Autostraddle write-ups can point our fellow girl-on-girls in the right direction.

In Istanbul, we listened to the call to prayer from thousand-year-old mosques while sipping cocktails in rooftop bars. We tromped up hundreds of stairs and down winding streets, which was a good thing because we ate like champs. The food is fresh and flavorful – I still long for the olives. We didn’t hold hands in public, but as a couple we never felt unsafe. Many people use Istanbul as a jumping-off point for other destinations in Turkey, but I highly recommend taking time to savor the city.

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1. All Istiklal, All The Time

We spent the first part of our trip in a business hotel near Taksim Square, a huge traffic circle controlled by a horde of marauding taxis. The hotel had a gold staircase with crystal stairs and seemed to cater to Western business types and/or low-level sheiks. Of course, reception pulled the charming move of giving us a room with two single beds even though we’d requested a double, which meant going back down and requesting a new room with adequate bed space for cuddling/doing it, just like that story in the New York Times. The location was great, however, because Istiklal Cadessi, aka “Independence Street,” runs right off Taksim Square. Imagine lower Broadway transformed into a pedestrian thoroughfare and teeming with half the population of Manhattan. Istiklal was packed all the time, even on Tuesday afternoons, and it transformed into a mighty gauntlet on Saturday night.

Here are some of the things we found on and off Istiklal: rooftop bars, bookstores in English, bookstores in Turkish, a gay cafe, a lesbian bar, a whole street that sells nothing but musical instruments, Turkish delight, Turkish ice cream, corn sellers, chestnut sellers, mysterious mussel sellers who only come out at night, junk stores, vintage stores, fancy design-heavy restaurants, simple outdoor cafes, an entire stall of pickles, and the world’s third-oldest funicular railroad!

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2. Old Things are For Tourists

With its Roman-era dome and its mixture of Christian and Islamic art, Hagia Sofia was awe-inspiring. Even the size of the doors was overwhelming. But there’s not much more to do than join your fellow tourists in taking pictures and saying, “Wow, this is awe-inspiring.”

Tokapi Palace was equally mobbed and costs ten million dollars to visit, but the harem, which you pay extra to see, was astonishing. Every room was intricately tiled, from the fireplaces to the stained-glass windows to the ceiling mosaics. Plus, the palace has an awesome collection of holy relics, so I got to shuffle past Abraham’s cooking pot, the skull of John the Baptist, AND the beard of Mohammed.

The Grand Bazaar was cool to see, but it’s full of the same tourist trinkets repeating from stall to stall — lamps, rugs, guitars, evil eye magnets. The Egyptian Bazaar was closer to a functioning market. While it was still packed to the gills with the world’s most effective tourist bait, Turkish delight, it also sold cookware, produce, and spices. The guy who sold me cheese told me he thought America was “no good,” a sure sign that I wasn’t in a tourist trap.

Across the street from the Egyptian Market is The New Mosque, which is still older than 90% of the structures on the continental US. Unlike the more tourist-oriented Blue Mosque, they had less in the way of coverings for skin-baring women, but I had my own mosque kit with me: a kerchief and a lightweight button-down I stuffed in my bag. I got there just in time for prayers, and sat in the little tourist/visitor holding pen as Imam lead the congregation in worship. Yes, all the men were in front, and the women were behind a screen. But I grew up in an Irish-Catholic family and spent thirteen years in Catholic school. I’m no stranger to institutionalized misogyny, and whenever I travel I seek out cathedrals. It would be kind of fucked up if I treated mosques any differently. Seeing worship at a mosque made me think more than anything else of going to church with my grandparents. I never would have expected that, and neither would my grandmother, God rest her soul. I enjoyed that feeling of familiarity.

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3. Hamam Time

By far the best touristy thing we did was go to a Hamam, or a Turkish Bath. Hamams were social institutions for centuries, but the culture is dying out now that everyone has, you know, running water. The Hamam we went to is one of the oldest in Istanbul and unabashedly geared towards tourists. While this meant our experience was not “authentic,” we got to take our scrubbing in a gorgeous, historic space.

First we stripped off all our clothes and donned a special pair of “water-resistant” modesty underwear. The steam room was topped by a stone dome with tiny star-shaped windows, and the room was lined was carved marble sinks. We laid down on a giant marble slab and waited. After a few minutes a burly Turkish woman in nothing but a black bra and panties came by and proceeded to scrub me down with a grandmotherly fury. I didn’t open my eyes, but my girlfriend told me she saw dead skin coming off her body in heaps. Then there was an elaborate, foamy soaping, and equally rough shampooing, and much hot water dumped over my head. It was great.

After a confusing wait, we also got massages. When my masseuse wanted me to flip over, she smacked my butt. When we were done, she tapped my nose. That seemed to sum up the whole Hamam experience – brusque and tender, traditional and hilarious.

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4. Istanbul Eats Good

A few days after arriving, I discovered the best blog in the world, Istanbul Eats. Focused on traditional Turkish cuisines, it pointed us towards thyme-marinated olives and crispy lamb ribs grilled on an open fire. But the best thing we found was the fish.

Adem Baba lies north of the heart of Istanbul. It is along the coast of the Bosphorus, also known as the Istanbul Strait. The cab ride there is long, especially on a weekend, since the only way to get there is up a choked river road. Fish restaurants line the strip, the fanciest in old Ottoman mansions with Bosphorus views. We went down a side street to a humble building decorated with fishing nets and plastic anchors.

The food was simple. First we were served a salad of shredded up romaine and tomatoes, elevated by the superior olive oil dressing. Then came our main dishes – my girlfriend got little anchovies, I got a whole sea bass. Both had been minimally seasoned and thrown on a hot grill, then brought steaming towards us. When we put the first bites in our mouths, we actually moaned. The sea bass was light and fresh and sweet, a perfect counterpoint to the meaty fattiness of the anchovies. I have never had fish that was so fresh and perfectly prepared. We drew out our meal as long as we could, then sipped little glasses of Turkish tea. It was one of the cheapest meals we had there and one of the best.

Afterwards, we wandered along the Bosphorus, passing families and fishermen and more of the ubiquitous corn sellers. Little fishing boats and large yachts were tied up along the water’s edge. Huge tankers crawled down the center of the river while river cruises slid along either side. One lone fishing boat meandered past, sitting in the water at an odd angle. Tinny music blasted out and on its back deck, blue lights flashed as a group of people danced in a circle. It was like our fish dinner – simple, stripped-down, and by far the best thing going.

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5. Day Trip to the Islands

About a forty-minute ferry ride away from Istanbul lies the Princess Islands, so-called because some royalty was exiled there once. Maybe. Now they are a quiet retreat of Ottoman mansions, horse-drawn carriages (there are no cars), and some seriously good walking. The New York Times published an article about their charms while we were there, which two different friends promptly forwarded to me. We didn’t have a friend’s villa to visit, unlike Liesl Schillnger, but that didn’t keep us from having an excellent time.

That excellent time involved walking. Lots of it. At the island’s highest point lies a monastery, which also has a little restaurant attached. You can take a horse-drawn carriage most of the way there, but we opted to walk up, past wooden mansions and seaside views. Then we gorged ourselves on kebab while looking out at the sprawling city on the other shore. We walked back down to the ferry past an abandoned orphanage, and spent the rest of the evening eating Turkish delight and moaning about our sore feet.

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6. Lesbian Bar

Istanbul’s only lesbian bar is on the fifth floor of an apartment building, which also houses a karaoke bar and a restaurant. The lesbian bar has no sign, and no one on the street seemed to know it was there. Its entrance was marked with pictures of Victoria’s Secret models in angel wings, and a pop-art style painting of a woman’s finger pressed to her lips hung by the bar. The bartender was hot and butch and bemused by our ineptitude with Turkish. The place was empty when we arrived, but as we sipped on our vodka and sour cherry juice, it filled up. Groups of friends clustered around the tiny tables. Turkish songs elicited loud group singalongs. There was sporadic dancing, though only a few girls actually committed full-time. My girlfriend and I tried to dance a few times but always managed to be doing it in what turned out to be a major thoroughfare. Instead we stood off to the side, completely outside what was clearly a warm and close-knit scene, and put our arms around each other. We hadn’t done this in public since arriving there, and it felt really, really good.

A few travel suggestions:

We only visited Istanbul during our stay in Turkey. My understanding is that much of the Western half of the country is tolerant, but that eastern Turkey is more fundamentalist. While we never felt unsafe in Istanbul, we were not affectionate in public, which was wearing at times. We stayed in a big hotel and then at an apartment rented through Airbnb. While the woman we rented from was a little crazy, she definitely didn’t give us any hassle for being gay. It was great to have a space to ourselves and somewhere to make meals if we wanted, and we paid much less than we would have for a comparable hotel.

While you’re there, definitely seek out a gay-friendly bar or two. It was so wonderful to get to feel like ourselves again, and to get to see queer culture in action. Turkey is about to pass an internet censorship law that includes words like “gay” and “lesbian” in the banned list. It will be that much harder for queers to find each other if they can’t even search online, so give the gay establishments your tourist dollars when you go.

Next up: Barcelona and southwestern France! There will be more stories about food and loud group singalongs in foreign languages.

The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Lesbians in Bali

All at once these things happened:

+ My girlfriend’s friend got married in Bali.

+ We were given an opportunity to travel to Istanbul at a sharp discount.

+ My friend got engaged, and when she offered to have the wedding in either Toledo or France, we obviously voted for France.

Consequently, we were looking at an epic travel schedule this summer and were both very excited. But, when seeking advice about gay travel in all of those places we could only find a lot of general “it-will-probably-be-fine” boy-centric advice. This didn’t stop us from going but I figured while I was there, I’d try to personally fill in these gaps. Autostraddle has graciously agreed to be the platform for me to post my travel stories so that queermo lady-identified types have access to more applicable, specific information. Also, it was just a really exciting trip!

So I’ll be sharing my journeys with you in a three-part post. First up was our trip to Bali in May. I’m not going to bury the lead here: Bali was awesome, and we should all probably go there right now. It’s inexpensive, beautiful and culturally rich. It isn’t the gay-friendliest place in the world, especially if you’re Balinese, and the limited nightlife and gay travel opportunities are dedicated to men. Nevertheless, my girlfriend and I always felt welcome and safe on this trip.

Except for when I lost my passport in Hong Kong.

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1. All The Secret Spaces of the Airport

Traveling to Bali from the U.S. is kind of epic, especially if you buy your tickets on the late side. When we got off the 14-hour flight from LAX to Hong Kong, I discovered that my passport was missing. I flagged down multiple Cathay Pacific employees until finally one of them let me look for it on the plane. When we didn’t find it, I was told that I would probably have to go back to Los Angeles.

You know how travel books and blogs and whatnot always tell you to carry a photocopy of your passport and you never do it? Fucking do it, guys. Because when my girlfriend pulled out the copy of my passport, there was no more talk of Los Angeles.

Also, you know how people say you should just keep asking when dealing with a company bureaucracy? Do that too. We had to talk to four different people in two countries before American Airlines confirmed it was company policy to rebook us for free, not the $1,000-$1,800 each that we’d been quoted.

We spent the rest of the morning touring all the secret rooms of the airport. Chinese immigration made me sign a form that basically said they didn’t want me in their country, but were letting me in just this one time, okay? We spent the afternoon at the American Consulate, where everyone was friendly and moved slowly. For dinner we ate congee so hot it burnt our mouths, fell asleep sitting up at the hotel bar, and collapsed in our bed.

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2. Staring at the Ocean and Reading Books is Even More Fun Than It Sounds

We wanted to spend at least a few days at the beach, but Bali has many different kinds of beach. There are the touristy party beaches in the south, which were not so much our style (see section header). There are also a large number of beautiful surfing beaches, but we don’t surf. We scanned our guidebooks until we found Lovina, which was described as “a good place to work on your journal,” as if that were a bad thing.

We got to our hotel after dark and to be honest, we felt a little wary. For one, the entire staff came out to meet us because we were the only people there. They gave us a room with twin beds, causing us to abashedly ask five Balinese women for a room with a double bed.

Nonetheless, once the sun came up we realized that actually we were in the best place ever. Our room was bright and sunny, there were flowering trees in the courtyard, and the dining patio was about six feet from the ocean. The greatest part, however, was a little room they’d built above the breakfast patio.

The beach was on a little stretch between two fishing villages, and many vendors came by to try to sell us things. They were really nice about it, and I have nothing against carved wooden dolphins, but I definitely was not interested in buying one, really, I swear.

After we got our fill of the water and sun, we snuck upstairs and sat and read all day. My girlfriend, who owns 2,000 books and shuns sunlight, had never been happier.

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3. In the Night Market

One of the best meals we had in Bali was at the night market in Singaraja, the town closest to our hotel. We wandered through a maze of fruit stalls until we came out into a long row of beautiful, glowing food carts. This is where many Balinese people go to get a quick bite to eat — we saw whole families seated on mopeds, eating together. The vendors cooked our satay, stuffed crepes, and a dish of rice cakes and tofu right before our eyes. The sauces were sweet and spicy, with a hint of peanut. I didn’t try the crepes because I can’t eat gluten, but the satay was tender and fatty in exactly the right way, and there was a wonderful contrast between the soft texture of the rice cakes and the chewiness of the tofu. We sat on benches behind a satay cart and watched people and mopeds pass by.

While I think it was totally safe to eat from food carts, I also made the mistake of sampling the fruit. See, a week earlier I had watched that show on the Travel Channel where the guy eats crazy things, and he happened to be in a Balinese fruit market. He took a bite out of this plum-like fruit and declared it the best thing ever. But it’s that guy’s job to a) have guts of steel and b) exaggerate about how good things taste for television. Suffice to say: the fruit was only OK, and the next day I felt sick. Though, really, all I had to do was eat rice and drink tea for 24 hours. It was worth it.

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4. Tourist Time

We were sad to leave Lovina, but we’d already made reservations in Ubud, where the wedding was. Ubud is touted as “the real Bali,” but I’m guessing that’s only in contrast to the touristy beach towns of the south. There were restaurants offering every cuisine, lots of museums and dance performances, ten million spas, and a terrifying amount of shopping.

My girlfriend had just finished reading the Ramayana, so we went to see a dance performance of that ballet. Both Rama and Sita are danced by women, which lent a veneer of queerness to the whole experience, though I’m guessing that’s my Western homo perspective talking. We also went to a yoga class and drank tiny, expensive smoothies afterwards, both of which were very spiritual experiences.

One of the best things we did, tourist-wise, was get massages, which are inexpensive in Bali. On the massage list it said, “Please indicate if you do or do not want breast massage.” We didn’t indicate anything, which turned out to mean we do get a breast massage, which was actually just an upper-body massage and kind of great because chest muscles get tense too.

After the massage they dumped cold yogurt on us and scrubbed us down with something gritty, then had us stand by the shower to get rinsed off. This involved both of us, stark naked, having water dumped on us like we were two years old and having a bath. The masseuses left us alone to soak in a bath full of flowers, which would have been awesome if the water and the air were not the same temperature: hot. When I lingered on the edge of the bath trying not to snuggle up to my girlfriend in a way I feared might embarrass them as we were, like, naked, one of the women was like, “Get in! It’s OK!” Did they know we were a couple? I have no idea.

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5. Village Time

In Ubud, we stayed in a complex of little houses that had been built in the village of Lodtunduh. They were “eco-houses,” which I think is a nice way of saying “no air conditioning,” which we never missed since the houses were fan-cooled and affordable.

At dawn, so many roosters crowed that I thought it was a huge crowd of people shouting “AWOO! AWOO!”

Around sunset, we walked past soccer games, kite flying, river-bathing — everyone in the village was extremely friendly and very patient with our terrible, broken Indonesian. People always asked us where we were going, so the one phrase we mastered was “jalan-jalan,” which means (I hope) “wandering around.”

The house we stayed in billed itself as the “real” Bali, which was ridiculous. It was a house that no one Balinese would ever build, completely cloistered from the village with a pool that overlooked the rice fields where people, you know, worked.

On the other end of that scale was the wedding we went to at a big resort, where we passed through several security gates and had our car bomb-checked by a golden retriever that was definitely not related to the Bali dogs who came to steal our breakfast earlier.

Neither is “authentic,” because my identity as a tourist fucks that from the get-go, but I have to say, I’m glad we chose to stay in the village instead of a hotel. It was lovely drinking a Singapore Sling in a fancy bar styled like an 80’s Bond villain mansion, but the hotel felt like a fantasy world for tourists divorced from the culture. I’d rather be in the village and have my nose in the contradictions: the roosters and the pool.

Of course, I feel weird about being a tourist at all, but if you chose to visit a place where 50% of the economy is tourism, it seems dishonest to pretend you are anything else.

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6. Nothing Gay Happened to Us

Most of Indonesia is Muslim, but Bali is 83% Hindu, and their version of Hinduism is relatively tolerant and open. In general, public displays of affection are frowned upon in Balinese culture, so out of respect for the culture rather than discomfort, we weren’t super “out” in public.

We stayed at the Villa Agung Beach Inn in Lovina and the Bali T Houses in Ubud. We felt completely welcome in both places, and the accommodations were incredible for the price we paid ($38/night and $50-$75/night, respectively). We also discovered Bali Friendly, which is male-oriented but offers discounts at various “gay-friendly” hotels. We ended up not going with them, however, it’s pretty awesome to be offered a discount for being gay.

I tried, and failed, to find gay stuff to do, other than some gay diving companies and some big clubs in the south. For the most part, while we were in Bali, we felt perfectly safe, but also perfectly alone. We didn’t see another queer-seeming couple the whole time we were there, even in Ubud. I saw one woman who set off my gaydar, but she might have just been Australian.

Back in the U.S., our first airport stop was San Francisco. We surprisingly didn’t see any queers there, either, but we did get to eat some raw gluten-free crackers with artisanal goat cheese. Also, the guy who saw us through customs ripped on Texas and declared that New Jersey had the best food in the country, which made us feel like we really were home.

Next up is Istanbul, provided I get my new passport back in time!

What Do I Pack for Dinah Shore?: Pool Party Packing 101

You may think that packing your bags to go to Palm Springs for Dinah Shore Weekend would be just like packing for any other vacation, and you would be so incredibly wrong! When you’re getting your stuff together for the biggest lezzer bikini dance party crazyfest in the USA, you have to make sure you consider every possible situation that could arise, including but not limited to every single person getting her period at the exact same time. Also, needing a ponytail holder.

Lucky for you, Team Autostraddle has braved the wilds of Dinah Shore Weekend before. So we’re exceptionally qualified to give you all sorts of advice on what to bring and how to be prepared for the debauchery — I MEAN GOOD CLEAN WHOLESOME FUN.

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Taylor

1. A corkscrew. You’d be surprised how frustrating it is when you don’t have one. Last year Julie Goldman saved my life, and you could make so many friends if you had a corkscrew on you. Believe me. Or circumvent this issue altogether and see #3.

2. Inflatable anything. Kelsey and I picked up an inflatable shark and turtle and the rest is HISTORY. By that I mean, Kelsey posed for lots of super cute photo-ops with those guys.

3. Franzia. Just kidding, you should totally pick this up there. You know, the TSA and all. You’re going to need Franzia in the morning just to make it to the brunch place where a bloody mary will cure what ails you. Or I mean, not drinking is probably an all-around smarter idea.

4. A cute dress and some cargo shorts. Depending on the crowd, you can tinker with your gender presentation accordingly to feel like a special snowflake.

5. A camera. Palm Springs is beautiful… you should really get your drunk ass out of that hotel courtyard.

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Sarah

1. A bottle opener. Actually, just bring a lighter because it can double as a bottle opener and that fire is also going to come in handy.

this will do

2. Large sunglasses to help you avoid being recognized in the background of The Real L Word Dinah episode.

look at all the sunglasses

3. Hair-dryer/straightener/whatever that can handle being covered in mojito/being used by five lesbians at all hours of the day. My straightener hardly survived last year.

4. Board shorts. Several pairs.

5. TAMPONS and some aspirin. You will start your period if you go to Dinah Shore, there is no other option.

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Laneia

1. First-aid kit. Last year mine included Advil, four tampons, two sporks, some band-aids, electrical tape, a small bottle of hydrogen peroxide, Neosporin, matches, hand sanitizer and a Sharpie. This year I’m adding ACE BANDAGE + LIGHTER. Learn from experience.

2. Several bottles/spray cans of sunscreen. No one else will bring any, or they won’t bring enough, so they’ll steal yours.

3. Bandana. They’re cute and useful. The key is to cut them in half. You have to cut them in half.

4. Wisps! Just can’t stress this enough. When your breath is fresh and minty and your teeth are clean, you’re 89% more confident when you ask to borrow Julie Goldman’s bottle opener. Or whatever, I mean, you know.

5. Cash. And not just twenties. One of you will be the one who gets the coffee, but probably it won’t be you. You’ll need to pay that person. That person may or may not run into Miley Cyrus while accomplishing this task.

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Kelsey

1. Reusable water bottle. Some have trees on them so you can be like, “Hey Look! I love nature!” Chicks dig that.

2. Reusable tumbler with straw and lid to maximize your drinkage to spillage ratio. Also it’s easily identifiable and you don’t have to worry (as much) about being poisoned by girls who just want to get in your pants.

3. Sunglasses so you never have to make eye contact with anyone and can check out anyone you like without them knowing. May I suggest the kind you get from Chinatown/street vendors/H&M for $5 so that it’s not a big deal when they inevitably break or you give them to some girl who would look cute in them or they are inevitably stolen. May I also suggest buying them in a bright color, like red, so you are easily identifiable and immediately cool.

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Riese

1. Tonic to go with the vodka to make my signature drink, the VODKA VODKA tonic.

2. Either Ambien or an iPod, which you should pre-load with Baby White Noise and then stick in your ears and put on repeat and block out everybody’s noise to sleep soundly. Because everyone is going to be snoring, making out, or kicking you in the throat.

3. Something black for the white party:

4. Six white Hanes a-shirts, aka “beaters.” Goes with everything and it’s not too sad when you spill mojito on it because it only cost like $4.

5. Your laptop so you can read our liveblog.

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Jess R.

1. Snacks Good, healthy, cheap food is hard to come by at these all-day pool party situations so make sure to stick a few protein/fiber bars in your bag for those afternoon low blood sugar lulls. Otherwise, you may have to spend $10 on a bag of chips and half cooked veggie burger.

2. A hoodie. I froze my ass off last year because I thought Palm Springs would be 80 degrees. Turns out it’s the desert and the desert gets cold at night. Consider yourself warned. And if you bring an American Apparel hoodie, you could rock the Justin Bieber lesbian look.

3. An outfit for the White Party. There’s a party Saturday night where everyone has to wear white. I believe it’s called The White Party. A lot of us have issues with wearing all white, and we’re Autostraddle and therefore rebel against authority, so we sometimes wear black to such events. Use your discretion.

4. Five Hour Energy/Red Bull. Not only does this keep you awake for the non-stop partying, it also goes great with vodka.

Rachel

1. Xanax.

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Julie and Brandy

1. Beer opener/wine opener/pill cutter.

2. Beer/wine/prescription pills.

3. Loose tank top to put over your bikini top while at the pool. This will cover your stomach, but show side boob!

4. Feather earrings. These are a must if you want to RULE at lesbian nighttime functions.

200748_170426433006746_100001181710225_373400_6733077_n

Julie & Brandy ruling at a nighttime lesbian function

5. Scarf and/or fingerless gloves for fashion and function. It’s actually quite chilly in Palm Springs at night.

I feel like the moral of the story is: bottle opener. Hey! Are you going to Palm Springs with us? Have you been to a similar event which enables you to pontificate on this topic? Are we forgetting anything?

Taylor & Kelsey’s Winged Migration: Messing With Texas Edition

As we approached the Texas state line, we knew we were entering what would be our last tranquil harbor of familiarity before crossing the rubicon into whatever abstract, likely spaghetti-western-inspired version of the subsequent states we carried around in our minds. Like I said before in my litany of flashback-fueled childhood complaints, I lived in Texas for 9 years when I was growing up.

People hate on Texas all the time; the state inspires a weird, blood-boiling kind of vitriol that spits from the tongues of us liberal lesbian angryfaces™, who are otherwise a peaceable, though argumentative lot. And sure, a lot of stupid shit goes down there, almost constantly, but I’m convinced that stupid shit going down is a universal feature of the suburbs and not of the south or the Lone Star State. Sure, Texas has this weird complex about being really big and Texasy (#1#1#1) and I still don’t really get it, but I feel like that whole attitude is at its most obnoxious on the billboard signs that pollute the highway than anything. And hey, when it comes to GWB, may he rest in peace, that shit got born in Connecticut.

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New Orleans, Be Still My Go Cup: Taylor And Kelsey’s Winged Migration to San Francisco, Part 3

I’ve long posited to no one in particular that New Orleans is the most interesting city in America. Well, maybe I declared that somewhere deep in the trenches of South Carolina to my only witness who may have been unconscious at the time, but nonetheless I became quite certain this was a fact. I lived in Houston during most of my grade school years, and had I been the wiser, I would’ve escaped my suburban purgatory many years back and fled to the Mississippi river delta to take up residence with some unlikely earthmother/sugar mama/voodoo practitioner.

We arrived in New Orleans some time decidedly past our bedtimes on the second day of our trip. After a 13 hour drive which entailed visiting the house I grew up in north of Atlanta, modeling through the state of Alabama, drinking it off in a Waffle House parking lot and then napping it off into Mississippi as Kelsey steered us through the dark toward alligators unknown, we were ready to be met with the humid, mystical embrace of Louisiana.

On Zombies:

Upon crossing into the city limits, our main observations were that a) we were lost and b) the streets were cobbly and our car would probably explode. And since the vast, sensational news network machine convinces on the regular that New Orleans is basically exactly like Left for Dead or another franchised zombie apocalypse of your choosing, we were a little freaked out. Because when it’s nighttime you can’t see where the zombies are, which means they are everywhere.

When we finally made it through the throngs of unseen horrors, we were greeted by Megan, our handsome bungalow curator (who knows The Scene, has her finger on The Pulse and whatnot). Immediately it became eerily, twincestily evident that the three of us were nearly identical, but unfortunately Tegan and Sara cornered the market on that long ago. Defeated, we broke the ice with some Kentucky bourbon poured straight into diet coke cans, naturally. Megan let us stay at her place under a few conditions like that we wouldn’t steal her things and that we wouldn’t make her Stay Up Late. She had this shirt I really liked, but I didn’t steal it so I think we met exactly one half of the agreed-upon terms. (more…)