The UK’s Reality Dating Shows, Ranked by Queerness
When exactly did the British public fall in love with dating shows? It’s been a quiet takeover, but somehow the TV schedules have ended up filled with lonely hearts looking for love, from lunchtime marathons of Dinner Date to the late-night sleaze of Naked Attraction. The dating show craze hit its peak this summer with the latest series of Love Island, which ended up becoming such a phenomenon the finale was screened in cinemas and journalists wouldn’t stop asking Labour leader and absolute boy Jeremy Corbyn who his favourite contestant was (it was Marcel). The nation still hasn’t entirely recovered.
However, this love affair has traditionally been exclusively heterosexual. We’ve had Sexy Beasts, a show in which daters were covered in prosthetics and transformed into mythical creatures before they hooked up, but queer romance has been a step too far for most of the history of dating shows. We started to see LGBTQ folk appear in the 2000s, but it was limited to grim stunt shows like the wildly transphobic There’s Something About Miriam and American import A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. The fierce backlash to the revival of Playing it Straight – in which a woman had to determine which of a number of potential male partners were secretly gay – in 2012 hopefully closed that era for good.
While we’ve seen a steady increase in the number of mainstream dating shows willing to open their doors to queer singletons since then, many remain depressingly straight. Hell, a few years ago, ITV2 aired a dating show literally called Girlfriends that was somehow entirely heterosexual. Even when we are included, queer contestants are often covered up in episode descriptions and the dates themselves can be unbearably cringeworthy. If you started a drinking game based on how many times either “All the Things She Said” or “I Kissed a Girl” is played behind the introduction of a queer woman alone, you wouldn’t live to see the end of it.
What’s a queer girl to do? The weird model of romance these shows rely on might not suit… well, anybody really, but it’s not fun being left out of the party. At least when talent shows were the big thing we had Alex Parks and Lucy Spraggan. And back then you only had to keep up with a couple of shows! Who has time to sift through all the dating shows out there to work out which ones have queer content, never mind which of those make you wish they hadn’t bothered?
Well, reader, I’m here to save you. This list isn’t going to cover every single dating show on UK television, because I only have Freeview and quite frankly I’m a little too scared to go digging around the more obscure satellite channels. However, I can guarantee you that it’s the most comprehensive review of the relative queerness of British dating shows you’re going to read this week. In true reality television style, I’ll be giving each show a score based on two metrics: the amount of queer content, and to what degree that content will leave you silently begging it to end.
via tellymix
6. Take Me Out / Love Island / Dating in the Dark
Consider this the sin bin. The only love allowed here is the pure, honest love between a man, a woman and a television production crew. Take Me Out‘s host, Paddy McGuinness, has said he’d like to see a gay edition of the show, but that was over two years now and we’re yet to see any sign it might actually happen. Meanwhile, despite featuring bisexual contestants in the past, ITV2 recently announced they wouldn’t be allowing same-sex couples on Love Island, claiming it would “take something away from the format”. You’re all getting an F. I don’t pay my television license to watch heterosexuals touch each other.
Queer Content: 0/10
Awkwardness: 10/10
Overall Score: 0/10
via MTV
5. Ex on the Beach
Ex on the Beach is just as relentlessly straight as the shows above; this extra point is solely because its premise – being forced into constant contact with your ex – is as gay as it comes.
Queer Content: 1/10
Awkwardness 10/10
Overall Score: 1/10
via metro
4. Blind Date
Simultaneously the granddaddy of dating shows and the new kid on the block. Blind Date started in 1985 and ran for almost twenty years until, in an incredibly baller move, host Cilla Black quit the show live on air. But now Channel 5, broadcaster of beloved TV classics like Touch the Truck and Celebrity Super Spa, has brought it back! And it’s 2017, so they can’t pretend queer people don’t exist any more! Now hosted by everyone’s favourite gay uncle and ex-drag queen, Paul O’Grady, the new and improved Blind Date aired six episodes this summer. Between them, they featured a grand total of one queer contestant – Alice, whose defining personality trait was being a big fan of Celine Dion. Despite Channel 5 promising there would be LGBTQ representation “throughout the series”, at two dates per episode, that’s a rate of one queer date for every eleven straight dates. Not fantastic. But there’s something about Blind Date’s old-fashioned charm that let me see past the numbers. Just like thirty years ago, contestants on the show are sent on a date with their pick from three potential, unseen partners. The entire thing is run like a game show, and even when the rejected lonely hearts are given the boot or the date goes horribly wrong, it feels like everyone’s in on the fun. It’s definitely the sweetest show on this list, and if it can just promise me a few more queers in future, I’ll be tuning in again when it comes back.
Queer Content: Technically 0.833/10, But Let’s Call It 2/10
Awkwardness: 1/10
Overall Score: 4/10
via express
3. Naked Attraction
First things first, Naked Attraction gets bonus points right out the gate for being hosted by Anna Richardson, girlfriend of Sue Perkins, and therefore one half of Britain’s hottest (and, let’s face it, only) queer woman TV power couple. The rest of the show is a trip. Each episode involves one clothed singleton and six naked contestants vying for their affection. Their bodies are revealed in stages from the feet up, with one rejected at each stage. When only two contestants are left, the person deciding takes off their own clothes and chooses which one to go on a date with. They hug – yes, it’s awkward every single time – walk off together, and then we get to see how the date went. Channel 4 might call it a ‘social experiment’, but it’s a show unabashedly for that point when it’s 1AM, you’re a bit drunk and you just want to turn on the telly and laugh at some willies – and, honestly, I kind of respect it for that. The series has been slated by critics for being “degrading”, and it’s hard to deny that when you’re watching someone choose between potential dates based solely on their genitals. But there’s a strange kind of satisfaction in watching the objectification we’re all subjected to every day taken to the extreme. If your Tinder date is going to be staring at your boobs anyway, why not just whap it all out?
While we’re still on the positives, the show makes a real effort at LGBTQ inclusion, having featured gay, lesbian, bi, pan and trans contestants over the course of its two series. Unfortunately, once you look past all the genitals, things start to take a turn for the worst. Why is it that the dating show with the most commitment to queer representation is the one designed to garner outraged Daily Mail headlines? Why do the strange educational cut-aways have such a terrible understanding of sex and gender? Why is a show ostensibly about showing off ‘real people’ so dominated by white, young, thin bodies without visible disabilities? Where the heck is everyone’s pubic hair? Naked Attraction certainly isn’t “the worst programme ever shown on television”, as Mediawatch-UK (the current incarnation of Mary Whitehouse’s infamous National Viewers’ and Listeners’ Association) claimed last year, but you might end up feeling a little skeezy watching it. On the other hand, its second series does feature a contestant describing herself as being passionate about “feminism, eggs and gin” before explaining the concept of pansexuality, and I’m not sure where else you’ll find that on British television.
Queer Content: 8/10
Awkwardness: Depends On Your Feelings About People Critiquing Other People’s Genitals. 7/10?
Overall Score: 6/10
via radio times
2. First Dates
If we were ranking on convenience, First Dates would win by a country mile. For those times when you just have to watch two women who’ve never met awkwardly chat about coming out, First Dates is there; every episode of the main show, its specials and weird spin-off First Dates Hotel is always available on demand for anyone willing to deal with Channel 4’s atrocious app. The premise is simple: each episode follows a night at a restaurant where everyone dining is there on a blind date. The show’s been LGBTQ inclusive since it began back in 2013, though it only features a few queer or trans singletons per series. The fact that each episode cuts between multiple dates also means that unless you’re happy to get familiar with your fast-forward button, you have to cope with a lot of hetero bullshit to get to them. The mating rituals of the straights are very strange. They spend most of the time arguing over who’s going to pay for dinner and, unlike the queer dates, very few of them end up with the happy couple driving off in a taxi to Soho.
As for how uncomfortable it’ll make you: very, probably. Most of the dates go poorly in some way, and watching a few episodes in a row will leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about basic human interaction. But at least it’s equal-opportunity awkwardness! Unlike most of the shows on this list, I’ve only really felt uncomfortable watching as a queer woman once: when a participant told the camera that “If [my date] looks like a lesbian, then I won’t like her”. Which gets us to a big problem with pretty much every show on this list: when queer women do appear, they almost always fit into one mould: thin, cis, white and high femme. While it’s great to see queer femmes represented, it means the real diversity of the British queer scene gets completely overlooked. First Dates in particular features a wide variety of straight singles looking for love, but most of the time we only get to see a depressingly narrow vision of queer existence. On one date, I literally couldn’t tell the two women apart. Though in the show’s defence, I do have face blindness.
First Dates, then. It’ll make you want to curl up and die, but that’s kind of what it’s going for.
Queer Content: 5/10, But With Bonus Points For How Easy It Is To Access
Awkwardness: 9/10
Overall Score: 7/10
1. Dinner Date
Honestly, I love Dinner Date. You might call ITV’s decision to just blatantly smush together First Dates and Come Dine with Me ‘cynical’. That, however, would be to ignore Dinner Date‘s subtle genius. The show introduces a lonely heart to three blind dates, each of which has to cook them a three course meal. The contestant chooses their favourite to take out to a romantic restaurant, while the others get delivered a microwave meal for one. It’s all shot on a budget of about £3.80 but, like all the best daytime TV, you can put an episode on for some background noise and four hours later you’re yelling at Helen from Exeter to take her cheese sauce off the hob before it burns.
Queer participants might appear less frequently than in other shows on this list, but with over 200 episodes broadcast and six participants in each (though only four actually get to go on the dates), Dinner Date certainly has numbers on its side. It’s also the only series here to consistently feature masculine-of-centre women, and many episodes have daters chatting about issues like femme erasure and the London-centrism of the queer scene over their dinner. Unfortunately, Dinner Dates is absolutely the worst offender when it comes to hackneyed musical choices; you will get sick of hearing t.A.T.u.
The music aside, it’s easy to fall for Dinner Date‘s low-budget charm. The entire thing is filmed in the participants’ homes and everyone is clearly only on the show to have a laugh, which makes it easier to swallow when someone who’s never cooked before decides to make a soufflé twenty minutes before their date turns up. Sure, it’s not the most original show on television, but it has heart – and isn’t that what we’re all here for?
Queer Content: 7/10
Awkwardness: 3/10
Overall Score: 8/10
Dinner Date is our winner! To be honest, though, that’s not saying much. This isn’t the place for an in-depth discussion of queer assimilation and the issues with replicating a heteronormative relationship model, but a truly queer dating show wouldn’t look much like a dating show at all. Sure, I enjoy the shows we have, but watching them en masse for this article was thoroughly depressing. When you’ve spent twenty minutes scouring through the episode list to find some queer women and you hear the opening drumbeat of “I Kissed a Girl” kick in again, it doesn’t feel good. I’m lucky enough to have been able to create a bubble for myself where queerness is the unquestioned norm. Even the best of the UK’s dating shows serve to remind me how fragile that bubble is, that for most of the population queer women are a novelty at best and non-existent at worst.
It’s not all bad, though. I was surprised to find that queer women appeared in more or less equal numbers to – and in some cases actually outnumbered – queer men. That’s particularly notable when you realise that while there have been multiple English-language gay dating shows, there’s never been a single lesbian one. And things are getting better, with newer series like Naked Attraction explicitly recruiting participants from across the entire spectrum of gender and sexuality, and the mainstream press beginning to raise questions about our exclusion from those shows that don’t welcome us. Then again, maybe being barred from the world of dating shows for so long has really been a blessing in disguise – at least we got to skip the indignities of Sing Date.
101 Disney Channel Original Movies, Ranked by Lesbianism
For many of us, the Disney Channel was full of very formative moments in our young queer lives. We got our first girl crushes, we got ideas for our fashions and gender presentations; we found our heroes. So whether your first girl crush was on Kim Possible (or Shego), Vanessa Hudgens, Raven Symone or Demi Lovato, we all remember these movies as having way more queer lady content than Disney probably ever intended to put in there. So let’s count down these movies by how lesbiany they are. Or bisexual lady-ish they are, or queer lady and non-binary folk-ish. Also, what the heck you guys, there are so many of these! I thought there were like 40 or 50! But there are like 100!!! Enjoy!
101. You Lucky Dog
This stars Kirk Cameron, who is decidedly un-lesbian.
100. Tiger Cruise
Definitely not as gay as the title suggests. What sounds like the name of a cruise ship for single gay ladies over 40 is actually about the military??
99. Dadnapped
Too focused on trying to please your dad, not focused enough on trying to flirt with girls.
98. The Suite Life Movie
Zach and Cody are definitely two of the straightest names any guy could have.
97. Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension
Phineas and Ferb are the only straighter names than Zach and Cody.
96. Miracle in Lane 2
Using disabled people for inspiration porn is not cool, Disney.
95. Zapped
There are too many of these movies about trying to make boys better! Just date girls!!
94. The Poof Point
If this were a movie about disappearing lesbian bars than maybe it’d be higher.
93. Hounded
Dogs are pretty lesbian, I guess.
92. Under Wraps
Mommis are lesbian, mummies are not.
91. Life is Ruff
Again, dogs are pretty lesbian, but that’s not enough.
90. How to Build a Better Boy
Why build a better boy when you could just date a girl???
89. Can of Worms
Naw, these aliens or whatever are gross, I don’t like them.
88. Jumping Ship
This is actually Horse Sense 2, but they took the horses out, which makes it less gay.
87. The Jennie Project
Teaching monkeys to talk is not a good idea. I’ve seen all the Planet of the Apes movies, old and new.
86. Full-Court Miracle
Basketball is full of lesbians, but boys basketball isn’t.
85. Buffalo Dreams
I’ve never actually seen this one, but I don’t think it’s gay.
84. Smart House
Katey Segal in this movie is a pretty good domme, but that’s the only lesbian content we’ve got.
83. Minutemen
I don’t have any time for boys causing mischief. Not gay.
82. The Luck of the Irish
If this were about a boy turning into a mermaid instead of a leprechaun it’d be a whole lot higher on the list.
81. Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire
Now, if this vampire was a lady vampire, then we’d have something to talk about.
80. Bad Hair Day
After reading the Wikipedia for this one, I still don’t really understand it, but I know it’s not very lesbiany.
79. ‘Twas the Night
This one has Bryan Cranston in it, but no lesbians.
78. Geek Charming
I actually really love this movie, but it is a classic heteronormative high school popular girl/unpopular boy love story.
77. Scream Team
No one can make you scream like a queer woman can.
76. Alley Cats Strike
I may be alone in this, but I think bowling is a decidedly un-lesbian sport.
75. Don’t Look Under the Bed
This is about the Boogeyman, the straight version of the Babadook.
74. Phantom of the Megaplex
Mickey Rooney is in this movie, and he’s not a lesbian.
73. Genius
This is kind of like a transgender story? A boy creates an alternate version of himself? But It’s not as gay as it sounds.
72. Up, Up and Away
The superhero genre is notoriously bad at queer lady representation.
71. Eddie’s Million Dollar Cook Off
Eddie wants to be a cook, but his dad wants him to be a baseball player, just like some parents want lesbians to be straight.
70. Quints
“Adam, Becky, Charlie, Debbie, and Eddie, all the quints are straight, they all have straight names.” – My friend Adrian
69. Going to the Mat
The Wikipedia says “It ends with a reporter interviewing Jace’s teammates about his wrestling; they deny that he is even blind, because they realize that he is a significant person, and they accept him for who he is and not just a blind person, which is what they saw at first.” What??? He’s still blind. Blind people are significant too. This should actually get last place but I put it this high because wrestling is very lesbian.
68. The Even Stevens Movie
“The Even Stevens Movie isn’t gay?” – My friend Adrian again. And nope, it’s not.
67. Invisible Sister
Rowan Blanchard is in this, and she’s queer.
66. A Ring of Endless Light
Mischa Barton is here so that makes it kinda bisexual, but so are dolphins, so that makes it terrible.
65. Starstruck
The girl in this makes some very gay decisions, but she makes them about a boy, so it’s not very high.
64. Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie
We know that Selena is fairly gay, if only in her music videos, but this movie is about wizards, who are the straight version of witches.
63-53. Johnny Kapahala: Back on Board, Halloweentown High, Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge, Return to Halloweentown, Zenon: Z3, Zenon: The Zequel, Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, Twitches Too, Teen Beach 2, The Cheetah Girls 2, The Cheetah Girls: One World
Honestly, none of these sequels are as gay as the first movies.
52. Good Luck Charlie, It’s Christmas
This show had some lesbian parents in an episode.
51. Tru Confessions
Her confession is that she’s a lesbian.
50. Cloud 9
Snowboarding girls are most likely bisexuals.
49. Hatching Pete
This is literally about a kid “coming out” of his shell. Come on.
48. Now You See It…
Aly Michalka is one of my roots, and here she is as a documentary filmmaker, a very bisexual profession.
47. Stuck in the Suburbs
Stuck in the Suburbs should be the new way to say you’re still in the closet.
46. Jett Jackson: The Movie
Not gonna lie, Jett Jackson was kind of the blueprint for the crushes I get on tender butches all the time now as an adult.
45. You Wish!
Oh man, alternative wish universe Lalaine was sooooo gay.
44. Radio Rebel
This is a movie about a podcast DJ. Wow, it’s hard to get gayer than that.
43. Johnny Tsunami
More snowboarding! I love this movie! Watch it!
42. Halloweentown
A Halloween classic! And Halloween is Gay, so this movie is gay.
41. Horse Sense
Horses are very gay. Plus the Lawrence brothers look a lot like lesbians.
40. Girl vs. Monster
Basically the Disney version of Buffy.
39. Let it Shine
So many of these movies are about shy people finding their voice, why is that? (Because they’re gay).
38. The Other Me
Another movie where someone makes another version of themself! Another movie about a trans person!
37. Read it and Weep
A girl publishes her journal and it causes drama. That sounds like something that would happen at A-Camp.
36. Adventures in Babysitting
We all know that Penny came out as bisexual in college.
35. The Color of Friendship
The color of friendship is purple, and purple is a gay color.
34. The Ultimate Christmas Present
All I want for Christmas is a lesbian DCOM.
33. High School Musical 2
By far the most lesbian of all the DCOM sequels. Zac Efron wears capris in this!!!
32. Pixel Perfect
Ricky Ullman, the star of this movie, lived with the Veronicas for a while. That’s true. And Gay.
31. Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior
A strong girl of color kicking butt and being cute! Gay!
30. High School Musical
This movie is all about being out and proud about what you like and who you are. We’re all in this together, and we’re all lesbians.
29. The Thirteenth Year
A wonderful coming out analogy about a boy turning into a mermaid. This is literally a movie about being a trans girl.
28. Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century
Zenon is bisexual according to my friend Fia.
27. Get a Clue
It stars Lilo, so that’s pretty gay.
26. Go Figure
A girl who both figure skates and plays hockey is the ultimate futch.
25. Camp Rock
Demi Lovato is very gay, and so are the Jonas Brothers. Plus it’s about a cute girl playing the guitar. I love it.
24. Avalon High
In this movie a girl is the reincarnated King Arthur??? And Guinevere is still a girl???
23. Twitches
All witches are lesbians, especially twin ones.
22. Brink!
Lesbians love rollerblading. I’m pretty sure no one else does.
21. Cow Belles
Aly and AJ kinda made me gay.
20. Right on Track
Girls driving racecars! One of them is Brie Larson!
19. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure
A classic story of a high femme’s first adventure into the world of lesbian dating and culture.
18. Jump In!
Keke Palmer is in this! And she does double dutch! It’s very gay!
17. The Proud Family Movie
Come on, is there really any question that Penny comes out as bi in college?
16. Den Brother
A “boy” becomes the scoutmaster for a group of Bumblebee scouts (like girl scouts) and is finally able to come out as trans.
15. Rip Girls
Girls surfing is very gay. Very, very gay.
14. Frenemies
Queer actress Bella Thorne stars in this movie about going from “friends to enemies to friends again” which is like, the gayest thing I’ve ever heard.
13. Ready to Run
Once Cecelia tweeted a picture of her with the caption “high school for me was actually a Disney Channel Movie called Horse Play: I Love Ponies, Not Girls, What?” That’s this movie.
12. The Swap
Um, come on, it’s about a boy and girl who switch bodies. That’s as gay as a story can get without any actual kissing.
11. Stepsister from Planet Weird
“Stepsister from Planet Weird” is a euphemism straight people use for their queer family members.
10. Gotta Kick It Up!
Honestly this is just an all-around wonderful movie about a group of Latina girls who start a dance team and you know at least one is gay (probably America Ferrera).
9. Descendants
Wow, who knew that the sons and daughters of Disney’s most famous villains were all lesbians?
8. Teen Beach Movie
I really think this is an under-appreciated gem. It’s so gay. The chemistry between The Fosters‘ Maia Mitchell (as a surfer girl with the very gay name Mack) and Grace Phipps (a good girl from the 60s) is palpable.
7. Lemonade Mouth
I really don’t understand how real life queer singer Hayley Kiyoko in Lemonade Mouth isn’t a huge queer icon! Like, she was so many kids’ root!
6. The Cheetah Girls
A beautiful movie about the friendship and music and fashion between three queer women of color.
5. Kim Possible Movie: So the Drama
I know that technically Kim and Ron end up together, but we know that really, she later breaks up with him so she can date Shego.
4. Double Teamed
This is the story of two real life WNBA players and twins. That’s really lesbian.
3. Cadet Kelly
A lot of you probably want this to be the number one movie, but sorry, it’s not. It’s still wildly gay, uncontrollably gay and magically gay. This is a classic.
2. MotoCrossed
I mean jeez, come on, this is about a girl who disguises herself as her brother so she can ride motorbikes. That’s super gay.
1. Princess Protection Program
This is the most Femme4Femme movie I’ve ever seen. Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato! Demi is a bratty princess and Selena is a no nonsense tomboy femme who brings her down to reality as they share a bedroom, call each other pretty and learn to love each other. They grow up to be the hottest lesbian couple in the world. This is the movie that made me who I am today.
75 Lesbian Ken Dolls, Ranked By Lesbianism
If you’ve been hanging out on the internet lately, you’ve probably seen it: a creepy group photograph of all your ex-girlfriends, in doll form. It’s the New Ken Dolls, a Mattel roll-out that starts now and keeps on going indefinitely (many of the new Kens won’t be available ’til Spring 2018, EXACTLY LIKE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND)!
While it’s true that the New Kens are definitely lesbians, it’s also true that the Old Kens were lesbians. So, today I set out to definitively account for at least a solid chunk of the various lesbian Ken (short for “Kendall”) dolls that have come out since the beginning of Barbie-Time.
I was blessed to have the input of my team of queers here at Autostraddle.com, who shared their feelings on various Ken Dolls using our group chat on Slack.
Let’s begin!
75. My First Ken
Cameron: Figure skates with her partner Marcia on the weekends, practices for the winter pageant
Dufrau: It’s Brigitte Nielsen
74. All-American Ken
Dufrau: this color scheme is a nontraditional expression of All American.
Riese: traffic signs are apparently
patriotic
also reeboks
Jenna: i’m pretty into those reeboks actually
but i have questions about her jeans
are they like half-overalls somehow?
Dufrau: ohhhh thats the all-american part
theres a flag on the rolled down piece
Jenna: right but like, what if you roll it up
Dufrau: you never roll it up if you are all american
Jenna: oh right, my mistake
73. Animal Lovin’ Ken
Cameron: she’s a virgo, has exclusively lisa frank stationery. so a lot of it.
72. Route 66 Ken
“Art is so cool. I’m really into computer graphics. This university has great classes. Got my laptop with me wherever I go. Check out the design on my screen. Can’t wait to meet Barbie after class and show her what our newest project is.”
– The Box For This Doll
71. Rappin’ Rockin’ Ken
Jenna: yikes
Riese: yeah
Dufrau: oh no
Riese:
Dufrau: Everybody besides Ken here is Saved By the Bell, but Ken has not been saved at all
70. Totally Hair Ken
Molly: She looks like Bette Porter took her out to an opera one time in the 1990s
69. Concert Date Ken
Did you live in the suburbs in 2002 and listen to a lot of Newfound Glory? Congratulations, this is your ex-girlfriend. She’s got everything for a perfect date, including bleached tips!
68. Ken Sporty Fashionista
Dufrau: i just really don’t like this one
67. Moda Jeans Ken
Cameron: I think I saw her at the big gay block party ohio straddlers hosted last year
Molly: I like this Canadian Tuxedo
Dufrau: she looks like she would be a good baker. that’s just a feeling i get. good cookies and lots of em.
Cameron: She’d def welcome you to the neighborhood with a jell-o creation. maybe a casserole.
66. Pop Life Ken
Stef: this ken plays rhythm guitar in like maximo park, she isn’t the cute one in the band but she makes it work
65. Naf Naf Ken
Mey: I’m not sure what’s going on here
Cameron: what the heck is a nafnaf
Dufrau: i don’t know but i think this ken was probably in Go Fish
64. Great Shape Ken
Says she got her outfit at Goodwill, actually got it at Urban Outfitters
63. Ocean Friends Ken
Stef: stop it
62. Ken Model 15
Dufrau: She looks like somebody Jenny Schecter would have dated for an episode or two
Mey: I’d date her
61. Fashion Fever Ken
Cameron: are his jeans backwards
Dufrau: i probably wore this exact thing in high school tbh
60. Gianfranco Ken
Dufrau: she looks kind of mean and i like it.
and kind of elderly which is probably the real reason i like her.
59. Harley Davidson Ken
An obvious homage to Dykes on Bikes
58. Sporty Fashionista Ken
Stef: this ken’s dad is going to call back to speak to your manager and you are gonna be SO FIRED
57. Dance Magic Ken
Cameron: you’ll never outdress her. everyone stop trying.
Jenna: i would go with her to a fun 80s queer prom
56. Beach Time Ken
Beach Time Ken has had a really intense summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
55. Sun Sensation Ken
Stef: girl that mesh top
ken is a go-go dancer at hot rabbit but doesn’t like to talk about it
Jenna: sun sensation ken has definitely been awake for at least 36 hrs and she’s just running on cocaine and glitter
54. Doctor Ken
Even your grandmother who was only so-so about you dating women loves Dr. Ken. Like your whole family is so obsessed with Dr. Ken that they don’t even care that she’s not Jewish and they’re like, hang on to this one, don’t fuck it up! And you’re like YEAH I KNOW as if having a perfect girlfriend isn’t stressful enough already
53. Western Stampin’ Ken
Cameron: I’ve seen western stamping ken at like every drag king show i’ve ever been to.
Mey: Western ken is the rodeo queen (a real thing) at a gay rodeo
Molly: Western Ken looks like they just had a weird feeling when their friend touched their new belt buckle
52. Cheerleader Ken
Dufrau: She could be the director of a utopian society
Riese: or the director of a dystopian society
Cameron: That girl in middle school who could never have a social life because of ballet class? look at her now. She has an accent for some reason.
51. United Colors of Benneton Ken
Ken has a house in Saratoga mostly decorated with stuff she picked up in New Mexico when she lived there for a minute back in the ’80s. She’s very sweet and inquisitive and she has two large dogs she loves to pieces but you know what now that you mention it, she never really liked camping as much as the other girls did. Another love would be women’s music, of course.
50. Photo Student Ken / Photographer Ken & Her Golden Retriever
At first she gave it a whirl because why not, she’s pretty good at Instagram?
Look at her now!
Her hair is so long and her dog has a fanny pack!
49. Art Director Ken
“You are cordially invited to the world premiere of Modern Circle Production Company’s newest movie, Love in the City of Angels.”
– The back of this doll box
Art Director Ken is an asshole to everybody except you and her entire apartment is white and spotless even though she has a dog. She takes you to cool events. You have a crush on her dog-walker but the dog-walker is apparently straight, which is problematic and offensive.
48. Victory Dance Ken
Valerie: She started an all-female Warblers in protest of the original and they only sing songs made famous by men but they don’t change the pronouns
47. Wedding Day Ken
Ken is so excited that she finally convinced Alan to let her wear a suit instead of a dress to Midge and Alan’s wedding!
46. Earring Magic Ken
Dufrau: She was the bouncer at a Boston dyke night club when i was 22
45. Cool Lookin’ Ken
So truly this is me in 1994 wearing my Dad’s shirt from Structure and you bet your ass I’m wearing full-on boxer shorts underneath those GapKids khakis. I also have a pair of Joe Boxer underpants underneath the boxer shorts because I love layers and large telephones.
44. Skate Date Ken
Molly: DO SKATE DATE’S PANTS ZIP OFF AT THE KNEE
because that’s all lesbians i know
43. All-Star Ken
Mey: This is Claire, Jasika Nicole’s wife
42. Horse Lovin’ Ken
Cameron: She’ll steal your heart and your cattle
Mey: I’d definitely marry her
41. Adventure Ken
Sarah: Adventure Ken is basically exactly what a baby dyke would wear and bring to a lez bar for the first time.
Cameron: Adventure Ken was in Tiger Cruise the DCOM
Mey: Tiger Cruise the September 11 military family one?
Cameron: yeah
idk it was on a big boat
40. In-Line Skating Ken
She goes by her Roller Derby name on Facebook because she doesn’t want her toxic stepfather to find her. She’s a really loyal friend and a downright incredible girlfriend and always puts safety first!
39. Movie Date Ken
Dufrau: ok this one is just me on laundry day
38. Sporty Ken Fashionista
Valerie: What are the 100 poses
That seems like too many poses
Riese: puppy eyes
all the poses are different ways of serving puppy eyes
Valerie: Ohh
Jenna: yeah she’s always the sensitive one when she and her friends pretend to be a boy band
Valerie: Blue steel
37. Stylin’ Stripes Ken (2017)
Cameron: you think she’s gonna tell you about how we live in a post-gender, post-racial society but she surprises you by being super woke & you’re totally disarmed & you kind of hate yourself for it
36. Busy Ken With Holdin’ Hands!
Stef: same
Molly: SHE’S GOT HOLDIN’ HANDS
Stef: you can tell she’s genuine bc she has that sticker on her hip that says GENUINE
Molly: I love the cinch belt
Dufrau: She seems very attentive
Stef: Bringing you sodas
putting on some mood music
even answering your phone
Molly: “hey babe i saw your twitter rants today and picked up some calming lavender bath bombs”
Stef: she can’t be that busy
Molly: i don’t know how she does it
maybe we can have it all
35. Color Blocked Cool Ken (2017)
Cameron: i’d wear that.
Riese: yeah because this doll is you
Cameron: you might be right
Jenna: honestly i’d wear at least 75% of these outfits
Dufrau: yeah this is nice
34. Ken Fashionista Checkered Shirt
Stef: i think Deanne Smith owns this exact outfit
how does her hair even make that shape
Jenna: fucking dapper ken is wearing another outfit of mine what the fuck
step OFF, ken
33. Vintage Ken Doll With Matte Hair
Ken just got to Los Angeles from Missouri and before moving had really only ever hooked up with straight girls (there was like this whole THING in high school). She isn’t looking for a relationship, but she keeps falling in love with incredible women / making out with strangers at The Abbey / not knowing what to do with all these new feelings
32. Fashionista Ken Cutie
Dufrau: She dated two of my best friends sophomore year of college and ive never forgiven her for her behavior
Sarah: Cutie Fashionista Ken is the first time you get a dyke spike after listening to Viz by Le Tigre
Cameron: Cutie Fashionista Ken kept trying to be the Shane of the friend group
31. Sweet Talking Ken
Cameron: The actual Shane of the friend group & everyone’s mad about it
Dufrau: i think sweet talking ken looks like she used to be more buttoned up but then Shane gave her a makeover
30. Glitter Beach Barbie Ken
This is a lesbian who usually dresses on the masc side but always femmes it up for a thematic dance.
29. Tennis Stars Ken
Ken really oversold her experience with tennis on her first date with Barbie, which came back to haunt her five months later when it was time to go play tennis with Barbie’s parents, who were skeptical about Ken since Barbie has blown through so many girlfriends lately. Good news: Ken turned out to be really great at tennis, and you know how it goes: doubles, singles… they’re the champs!
28. Free-Moving Ken 
It’s cool it’s not like they were soulmates! Ken’s fine. Ken’s totally gonna be fine.
27. Red White ‘n Wild Ken
Cameron: based on cynthia nixon’s wife’s tie at the tonys, i think she’d wear that coat
Alaina: rojo caliente the love of my life
26. Hip Hoodie Ken
Jenna: she likes to cuddle
Dufrau: she has a great haircut
25. Camp Ken
This is the blonde version of my ex-girlfriend, Marni, the co-director of A-Camp and an outdoor enthusiast.
24. Video Game Hero Barbie
Dufrau: Guy Fieri?
Mey: No that’s rainbow dash the lesbian pony from my little pony
23. Moschino® Barbie® and Ken®
Look me in the eyes and tell me this is not Nats Getty and Gigi Gorgeous.
22. The New Look Ken
This is what your ex wears when she drives by your house on her way home from work just to see if you’re around
21. Rainbow Prince Ken
Cameron: Well you can’t prove that she WASN’T a unicorn in a past life
Dufrau: She hosts a children’s show but adults watch because she is so soothing
20. Talking Busy Ken
Ken talks! She talks all the time! That’s been a big thing in your relationship, is both of you learning how to overcome your fucked up childhoods and communicate openly about your emotions so things don’t get bottled up. Ken’s having a tougher time accessing her emotions, but she will definitely talk about the things we do! Here’s what Ken will say:
- I’ll bring my guitar to the party.
- Help me pack for my vacation.
- Have you heard Barbie’s new records?
- Come on, let’s dance.
- Hi, this is Ken (as if he was speaking on the phone).
- Barbie’s a great cook.
19. Beachy Tropical Shirt Ken (2017)
Cameron: this is the outfit my friend wore to her bachelorette party. i’m not joking.
Dufrau: this is when you have a friend who is cuter than you and you’re just like “how the fuck??”
18. Preppy Check Ken (2017)
Jenna: gd i would also wear that one
ugh
Cameron: dressing just patriotically enough not to be called out at the family 4th of july cookout
17. Barbie & Friends
Ken is poly and has “fun” doing “things” with her “friends.” Look how happy she is!
16. Hyped On Stripes Ken (2017)
Cameron: this is just every summer gay.
Dufrau: this is Jenna Lykes except blonde. A COMPLIMENT I PROMISE.
15. Cali Cool Ken (2017)
Cameron: also every summer gay
Jenna: I feel like cali-cool said she would call you back, but she definitely didn’t call you back. And even though you didn’t really WANT her to call you back, it’s the principle of the thing.
14. Checked Style Fashionista Ken (2017)
DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT
13. Classic Cool Ken (2017)
Jenna: oh man, she’s very hot
Dufrau: hot
Jenna: having some feelings about a doll rn
Cameron: she helped me find a book i was looking for a gender studies research paper & suggested something better. i revised my thesis.
then changed my major to joan.
12. Art Director Ken
Art Director Ken #2 is also an asshole but you deal with it ’cause she always gets bottle service for the table and has lots of stories about Closeted Power Lesbian parties in Palm Springs that happened in the late ’80s / early ’90s and she’s your only source regarding the possibility of Jada Pinkett-Smith being bisexual
11. Camo Comeback Ken
Cameron: She lost her snapback on a rollercoaster at Universal Studios.
Will not let you forget it
10. Big Brother Ken
Mey: Big brother ken is def a hot lesbian mom
Jenna: yeah, and she also owns a subaru
Mey: She ignores Sarah Pfefferman at PTA meetings
9. Fashionista Cutie Ken
Jenna: fashionista ken just came out
Dufrau: I think almost everybody has been this ken at some point
8. Cactus Cooler Ken (2017)
This outfit cost $400
7. Mermaid Ken
Mey: Based on the hair and necklace I’d say Mermaid Ken is a lesbian mermaid who is wearing a magical necklace that makes her human but bc magic is tricky, also a dude and she won’t turn into a woman until she kisses a girl or figures out she can just be trans.
6. Chill In Check Ken (2017)
So this is Present-Day Allison from the U.S. National Tour of Fun Home: The Musical.
5. Plaid on Point Ken (2017)
Alaina: This is a peak day two of A-Camp look when everyone wants to show off just how cute and queer they are so they wear their new wildfang button up AND wear hiking boots.
4. Barbie Dreamhouse Ken
Molly: oh god i’m dressed like barbie dreamhouse ken rn
I asked for pictorial proof of this situation, and she delivered:
3. Distressed Denim Ken (2017)
Dufrau: this one is just true. everybody is wearing that exact shirt right now.
Jenna: @dufrau I *am* wearing that shirt and that hair.
Ta-Da:
2. Ken Fashionistas Doll in Black & White (2017)
Like so many of you, I noticed that there is a Ken doll for every single one of my exes (who, let’s be real, might also be your exes). But what I wasn’t prepared for was a Ken doll that looks exactly like my PRESENT girlfriend. Wow! Good job Mattel!
my girlfriend // the doll version of my girlfriend
1. Super Stripes Ken (2017)
Alaina: “Did they consult Brittani Nichols for this doll? Because this doll is Brittani Nichols.”
Brittani Nichols is definitely somebody’s ex-girlfriend, and is also a celesbian icon. Therefore, this doll is the #1 Most Lesbian Doll on the list. Congratulations!
Please show us your Ken pics: We Are All Lesbian Ken: Send Us Your Photos For A Community Gallery
47 Breakfast Cereals, Ranked By Lesbianism
Happy National Cereal Day! I hope you are celebrating the day by buying yourself new cereal bowls at the retailer of your choice, or by reading a plethora of cereal-related content we’ve produced for you here at Autostraddle.com.
Today I took on the “impossible” challenge of ranking breakfast cereals by Lesbianism. It is an arbitrary scale that accounts for numerous factors and considers many concepts, including queer sexualities that are not specifically “lesbian.” Previously, we have ranked the following items by lesbianism: Law & Order characters, Emojis, First Names.
For this ranking, I solicited opinions from the various humans who work here at Autostraddle.com, and their quotes are attributed as necessary below.
Let’s dig in before your Corn Flakes get soggy, shall we!
47. Rip’s Big Bowl Engine 2 Plant Strong
“Strip for your honey dip
and never trust a man named Rip
or any man at all tbh”
– Lesbian proverb
46. Special K
What is the look that makes him look away forever tho
Special K is obsessed with making women lose weight through the compulsive consumption of processed carbohydrates and this feels like it is against the overall philosophy of lesbianism on multiple levels.
45. Hulk Cereal
so extra
My hulk will be feminist or it will be bullshit.
44. Multi-Grain Cheerios
We’re gay! We don’t want LESS woman, we want MORE WOMAN.
43. Life
Lesbians are pro-choice.
42. Cinnamon Life
Mey: Cinnamon Life
Because it’s an alternative lifestyle
For it to really work you need to write it as “life style”
41. Razzle Dazzle Rice Krispies
Much like the early LGBT Rights Movement, way too focused on gay men.
40. Oatmeal Squares
WE ARE NOT SQUARES, WE ARE A VERY ADVENTUROUS PEOPLE.
39. Cookie Crisp
the police state
dufrau: I was looking at cookie crisp thinking they used to have a criminal for a mascot and striped shirts are gay, but he didn’t even wear stripes. Anyway he got replaced by his dog sidekick who got replaced by a wolf for reasons nobody can explain. I don’t know if this is gay, but it feels like it’s not.
38. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
This cereal box is lesbian erasure because it features a picture of a man holding a tray of cinnamon toast instead of a lesbian shopping for cinnamon toast at Whole Foods. However Yvonne likes it “as a midnight snack,” so it’s still worthy of honor.
37. Cracklin’ Oat Bran
The “Os” are for all the orgasms lesbians have that straight women don’t. Also if you run out of hoop earrings, you can use this cereal as oral sex target practice.
36. Honey Nut Cheerios
Carolyn: Honey Nut Cheerios are gay because they are ubiquitous, just like homosexuality
35. Grape Nuts
Lucy: Healthy, vegetarian (prob vegan?) and crunchy. Also versatile, can be the top(ping) or bottom on a parfait.
34. Apple Jacks
Stef: there was a lot of bullying associated with liking apple jacks in their commercials in the 80s
BUT IT DOESN’T TASTE LIKE APPLES
they’re probably gay
Mey: I feel like anything with jack in the name is pretty gay (edited)
Lumberjack, jack halbestam, a cute mechanic using a jack- this is evidence for Apple Jacks
33. Honey Bunches Of Oats
Carolyn: “Honey bunches of oats are gay because there’s a granola component and they contain lots of flakes, just like many gay people.”
32. Nut ‘n Honey
Laneia: oh you know what’s lesbian is nut ‘n honey, bc the men would be like “what are you eaaaating?” and the woman would say “nut’n honey” and the dumb man would keep staring at the sports tv, but what if the woman was really eating cereal while fingerbanging the neighbor?
31. Rasin Bran
This cereal box has been edited by me to ensure you get the fisting joke
Much like your girlfriend’s vagina after a very long bath in a polluted swamp, Rasin Brans are shriveled up, vaguely fruity and a wee bit soggy. But good!
30. Frosted Flakes
Alaina: “because tony the tiger but three Rs in grrreat just like grrrl”
29. Trix
Cameron: Personally identifying with Trix these days. Feeling very close to the rabbit who just wants a bowl of cereal and can’t because some assholes made up fake rules for rabbits.
28. Cap ‘n Crunch
You may think that Cap ‘n Crunch’s clear worship of the hetero patirarchy, aristocracy and the military-industrial complex would give it a low score on the scale of “lesbian” to “LESBIAN.”
But, if you knew that the cereal’s famed flavor coating was invented by a microbiologist named Pamela Low who never married and spent her retirement in New Hampshire with “her Boston Terrier, Casey, and later another Boston Terrier named Winnie”… what then? What then.
27. Weirdly Named Off-Brand Cereal That’s All You Can Afford After The Non-Profit You Used to Work For Got Its Funding Cut
AM I DOING IT RIGHT IS THIS THE SPOT
Heather Davidson: I feel like ‘Weirdly Named Off-Brand Cereal That’s All You Can Afford After The Non-Profit You Used to Work For Got Its Funding Cut’ has to be ranked somewhere. We’ve all lived that honey loopers life at some point.
26. Honey Smacks
Valerie: Honey Smacks look like… something… inappropriate…if you’re 12 like me. And also they are called Honey Smacks.
Dufrau: I dunno about Honey Smacks. The name feels right but frogs just feel mad hetero to me.
Mey: Frogs can literally change their reproductive organs if they’re in female only spaces so they can give birth without males
Riese: woah
Alyssa: YESSSSSSS
Mey: It’s the plot of Jurassic park!
Alyssa: hold onto your butts!
Mey: They use frog DNA to fill in the gaps and that’s why the dinosaurs are reproducing in the wild
25. Morning O’s
These are the O’s you have alone under the covers while your ex (who still lives with you and still sleeps in your bed) is in the shower!
24. Gorilla Munch
Lizz Rubin, via our 2012 Cereal Roundtable: I feel comfortable openly telling you that Gorilla Munch is a knock off of Kix, but really it’s so much more! For one, it’s gluten free. For another, there is a picture of a Gorilla on the front! When I’m out eating it in public I can tell what people are thinking. “Holy shit! That girl eats the same thing as a gluten free gorilla!” Nobody fucks with someone who eats like a gorilla and is also trying to reduce their gluten intake. No one.
23. Shredded Wheat
Dufrau: shredded wheat is basically hay bales, lesbians love farming
22. Girl Scout Cookies Cereal
As we learned yesterday, working at Girl Scout camp is a great way to meet a wife!
21. Finding Nemo Cereal
There’s an Ellen DeGeneres in every box!
20. Count Chocula
Heather: my vote is count chocula due to every other lesbian being a vampire and also you can link to erin’s mike pence tampons post
Stef: count chocula is definitely a lesbian
Heather: jinx!
Stef: heather JINX
GREAT MINDS, MY FRIEND
Molly: if you take the “o” out of count it’s even better
19. Kashi Go Lean
Crystal: we eat kashi go-lean in my household
[my wife] katie likes to strike up convos about kashi with all the ladies in the cereal aisle
also it’s the only cereal we agree on. it’s the compromise cereal of our lesbian r/ship
18. Kashi Sweet Potato Sunshine
“Sweet potato sunshine” is my safe word.
17. Fruit Loops
Mey: Bowl of fruit loops put in the microwave for 45 seconds is very gay
16. Reeses Puffs
Audrey: Reese’s Puffs are the most bisexual cereal, for people who want to have it both ways with chocolate AND peanut butter.
15. Steel Cut Oats
Steel cut is a little-known lesbian haircut. Furthermore, queers have been known to enjoy steel-toed boots.
14. Annie’s Homegrown Fruity Bunnies
It will surprise exactly nobody that Annie (who we all know is queer) didn’t have to leave her home to find those fruity bunnies.
13. Active Balance Buckwheat & Qunioa
Way back in history, like shortly after dinosaurs roamed the earth, ancient tribes of lesbians were known to build their group shelters and gender-neutral bathrooms out of buckwheat and quinoa. You should try it. You’ll feel good!
12. Rice Krispies
Lesbians love hats!
Since 1929, Rice Krispies have been bringing the tender story of a cheerful lesbian triad into the homes and mouths of innocent schoolchildren all over the world. Poly propaganda at its FINEST.
11. Fruity Pebbles With Marshmallows
Marshmallow shapes include dolphins (aka gay sharks) and clams
Mey: I love fruity pebbles and all sorts of sugar cereal and I don’t like being kinkshamed abt it
10. A Taste of Honey Cereal
JUST a taste??!!!
I wanted to stay away from discontinued cereals but I could’t stay away from the sweet sweet temptation of a taste of honey cereal.
9. Organic Wild Puffs
“I hope the Organic Wild Puffs are playing at the Ohio Women’s Music Festival this year”
– a thing a lesbian has probably said
8. Muffets
um
7. Wheaties
yes a lesbian DID cut my hair why do you ask
Lucy: Wheaties — mainly for the box covered with hot athletes.
Fun fact: Wheaties put a lesbian on its box in 1935. Did any of you put a lesbian in your box or otherwise-identified genitalia in 1935? I didn’t think so. That makes Wheaties gayer than you. Unfortunately I cannot find a picture of the 1935 Babe Didrickson Wheaties box on the internet, which makes me never want to eat again!!!!
6. Frosted Mini-Spooners
Mini-Spooners, y’all. MINI SPOONERS. “Frosted Mini-Spooners” is my Safe Space Word.
5. Organic Indigo Morning
Organic promises are gayer than regular promises
The official breakfast cereal of my favorite Spotify Radio station for “a morning drive to the gym when the news is too depressing to listen to NPR,” “Indigo Girls Radio.”
4. Frankenberry
HONEY DO YOU LIKE MY MANICURE
AHEM.
3. Lucky Charms
Actual picture of a 19-year-old lesbian who just had sex with a woman for the first time
Dufrau: “Lucky Charms has actual rainbows you can eat. Plus stealing leprechaun treasure is basically antiquing, which is gayer than rainbows.”
2. Granola
are u fucking kidding me, two moms in the raw
Tied with hummus as the official food of the lesbian / bisexual / queer people. Granola is the crunch beneath our feet, the light of our loins and our reason for believin’. All this and more: Granola. (For more exposure to granola, please attend Laneia’s “Granola as Resistance” workshop at A-Camp 2017)
1. Good Friends Cereal
They’re just good friends!
Okay folks, now it’s your turn. I can’t wait to hear about which cereals you think I should’ve included or ranked differently, so please do NOT hold back. Also just a REMINDER that not all women have vaginas so please stay away from jokes about nuts and balls being inherently man-adjacent, thank you! Tell me how you are celebrating this important holiday. Tell me if you like to microwave your grape nuts or not. Tell me everything!
All 86 New iOS Emoji, Ranked by Lesbianism
Apple just released a new update, and this one is perfect for those of us who live on the internet. It’s full of brand-new and updated emoji that will surely make our gay lives easier — some more than others. Let’s count down the list of new emoji by just how lesbian they are.
86. Bacon
Sorry, but at this point, bacon is just too heavily associated with toxic white masculinity.
85. Gorilla
I guess Rosie O’Donnell was in Disney’s Tarzan? Other than that though not a lot of lesbian appeal here.
84. Clown Face
Just nope.
83. Glass of Milk
Wayyyyyy too many lactose intolerant lesbians for this one. Maybe if it was “Glass of Soy Milk” or “Glass of Almond Milk” it’d be higher.
82. Peanuts
Again, lots of lesbians have peanut allergies.
81. Octagonal Sign
Useless.
80. Eagle
Maybe if you’re in an America-Somewhere Else long distance relationship you can use this one.
79. Man Dancing
In my mind this is “Butch Dancing,” but this emoji has bad clothes and bad dance moves, so I still put it low.
78. Handshake
Way too casual for lesbians.
77. Carrot
Carrots are a little gay, I guess?
76. Scooter
Scooters seem pretty gay, but then you think about it and maybe they’re not?
75. Motor Scooter
Same as above.
74. Egg
Too many vegans and too many lesbians who never want kids.
73. Nauseated Face
I like to imagine that lesbians are only ever healthy.
72. Drooling Face
There’s just nothing particularly lesbiany about this.
71. Shallow Pan of Food
Could’ve been higher in a different update, but the other foods added are way gayer.
70. Stuffed Flatbread
I mean, here we are just one spot better and it’s already way more gay.
69. Technologist
Lesbians Who Tech, yay!
68. Goal Net
Reminds me of women’s soccer.
67. Rolling on the Floor Laughing
For all the great queer women and non-binary comedians like Brittani Nichols, Tig Notaro, El Sanchez and Cameron Esposito!
66. Pancakes
Lesbians love brunch.
65. Water Polo
A pretty gay sport.
64. Croissant
Lesbians love brunch, and coffee shops, and the Great British Bake-off.
63. Martial Arts Uniform
Another pretty gay sport.
62. Third Place Medal
For all those third wheels out there!
61. Potato
Literally every lesbian on earth loves potatoes, especially Carrie Wade.
60. Kiwifruit
A lot of lesbians I know eat kiwis with the skin on??? What’s that about?
59. Rhinoceros
Sure, I guess.
58. Fencer
Yet another pretty gay sport.
57. Pilot
Lookin’ good, Captain.
56. Lying Face
Good for when you find out that your partner doesn’t like beer and hiking.
55. Hand With Index and Middle Fingers Crossed
Good for lying to a tinder match by telling her that you like beer and hiking.
54. Mother Christmas
Santa Claus’ real beard.
53. Sneezing Face
Lesbians have so many allergies!
52. Office Worker
Workin’ 9 to 5!
51. Shark
Good for tops looking for a bottom.
50. Pregnant Woman
Yay lesbian moms!!!
49. Duck
Ducks just seem gay I guess.
48. Cucumber
I know I’ve eaten a lot more cucumbers since coming out.
47. Face Palm
Ugh, the patriarchy.
46. Owl
Owls seem gayer than ducks.
45. Health Worker
Like the incredible Dr. Lizz or Luisa from Jane the Virgin.
44. Lizard
Look at that cute little guy.
43. Raised Back of Hand
Good for negotiating spankings.
42. Shrug
Is that girl in the flannel shirt with the undercut and Doc Martens gay or just a hipster? *Shrug emoji*
41. Person Doing Cartweel
For celebrating when someone comes out!
40. Judge
What a great, gay profession.
39. Squid
Squids, like lesbians, are great with their appendages.
38. Handball
This emoji straight up looks like a gay lady.
37. Second Place Medal
Because lesbians are great tryers.
36. Student/Teacher
How many lesbian movies/books/tv shows have been made about this?
35. Green Salad
For all the vegans out there!
34. Shrimp
For all the cute, short lesbians out there!
33. Clinking Glasses
We’re still celebrating that gay marriage is legal, right?
32. Canoe
Great for outdoorsy types. Who love beer and hiking and stuff.
31. Butterfly
The perfect coming out metaphor.
30. Artist
Half the twentysomething lesbians I know are artists.
29. Scientist
Women in STEM!
28. Shopping Cart
For all those trips to Trader Joe’s, the Home Depot and Ikea.
27. Wilted Flower
First lesbian heartbreak. Or second. Or third or fourth or fifth.
26. Tumbler
There’s a reason the whiskey tasting is always so popular at A-Camp.
25. Prince
Look at this cute genderqueer/non-binary/masc of center cutie!
24. Bat
Finally some representation for the goth lesbians.
23. Face with Cowboy Hat
There’s nothing like a good cowgirl.
22. Boxing Glove
One of the gayest sports.
21. Cook
Seriously, half the women on the Food Network are gay.
20. Fox Face
For your foxy friend and you.
19. Juggling
Suspenders? Bowtie? Hat? This girl is gay af.
18. Drum With Drumsticks
I like girls who drum.
17. Astronaut
To celebrate Sally Ride and all the gay astronauts who will come after her.
16. Spoon
Spooning is, like, one of the ten gayest things you can do with someone.
15. Baguette
Lesbians love bread.
14. Deer
Whether it’s Klub Deer or our Queer Deer shirt, you can’t go wrong with this guy.
13. First Place Medal
Because being gay is like winning a prize!
12. Farmer
For those of us who are taking over rural areas.
11. Selfie
I already know, like, seven gay people I’m going to use this one with.
10. Man in Tuxedo
Lesbians look so dang good in tuxedos!
9. Right-Facing Fist/Left Facing Fist
For negotiating fisting.
8. Singer
There’s literally no way this girl isn’t gay.
7. Call Me Hand
This one’s just actually really useful for talking to gay ladies.
6. Factory Worker
Really gay job.
5. Wrestlers
Gayest sport.
4. Firefighter
Really, really gay job.
3. Black Heart
Whether it’s Joan Jett or that girl who ghosted you, this one is all too familiar.
2. Mechanic
Really, really, really gay job.
1. Avocado
Like, this is the only emoji you need if you’re talking to gay women in LA.
The 100 Most Lesbianish First Names, Ranked By Lesbianism
The feature image for this post on lesbian names is a word cloud made of the first names of everybody who’s ever signed up for A-Camp, a bi-annual week-long camp/conference hybrid event hosted by our website, Autostraddle.com.
This is a list of the most common names in the USA that the editors of Autostraddle have noted for their strong correlations with homosexual activity. So we are calling them lesbian names. If your name is on this list, you’re probably queer or gay or bisexual or whatever. If your name is not on this list, you might still be queer or gay or bisexual or whatever. My name isn’t on this list, and I like girls, so clearly there is no favoritism here.
100. Molly
YOU’RE GAY
99. Jane
Jane Doe? More like Jane HOMO!
98. Ryann
Girls have two breasts, and Ryann has two “n”s. Coincidence? NOTHING IS.
97. Lainy
See also: “Lane,” which is the path that leads you from heterosexuality to homosexuality.
96. Nikki
Maybe it’s short for Nicole, maybe it’s long for “Nick.” Either way, you’re gay.
95. Going By Your Last Name As Your First Name
Generally speaking.
94. Kimmy
“This might just be in the south, but Kimmy and its variations (kim/kimberly) are like power lesbians on casual fridays”
– Erin Sullivan, Staff Writer
93. Soph / Sophie
This story is gay, just like these stories
92. Marsha
MARSHA MARSHA MARSHA YOU’RE A LESBIAN
91. Mere / Mer
“Meredith” is a lot of syllables.
90. Taylor
89. Grace
Way back in the late ’00s, Grace Chu started an entire website called “Grace the Spot” and everybody who wrote for it was psuedonymed Grace. Furthermore, I had an Intern named “Intern Grace.” She lives in Ohio.
88. Maddie / Maddy
“I have three friends named Maddie/Maddi/Maddy who are all gay and I almost picked that name for myself.”
– Mey Rude, Trans Editor
87. Courtney
Alaina, Staff Writer: [A-Camper] Courtney Kist is chilling in Portland and is a budding sex educator and like, what is gayer than that?
Riese: Also she has an undercut
Alaina: Also she’s gay
Laura, Staff Writer: I used to make Courtney and Barbie kiss all the time as a kid. I assume everyone did.
86. Gloria
Hahahaha that girl just said I was gay and she’s right!
85. Carly
I have the gum that everybody wants
84. Gill / Jill / Jillian
I know a butch lesbian named Jill from Pond Creek, Oklahoma. If you can find a lesbian named Jill in Pond Creek, Oklahoma, you can find a lesbian named Jill anywhere.
See?
83. Karen
82. Zoe
According to Queen Trans Mey Rude, Zoe is the #1 most popular name for white lesbian trans women.
81. Stef / Steph
This name is especially popular amongst bisexual women. Just a tip. If you haven’t kissed at LEAST two Stefs/Stephs in your life and you’re not single, I recommend non-monogamy until you get that taken care of.
80. Ari
Ari Fitz was like “name your lesbian daughters ‘Ari Fitz'” and the world was like “seriously whatever you say thank you for talking to me”
79. Brandy / Brandi
“the first gay girl i ever knew was named brandy and she was my best kindergarten friend”
– Laneia, Autostraddle Executive Editor
78. Dee
One “Dee” is gay, two “Dees” (aka “DeeDee”) are not.
77. Kacey / Casey / K.C.
If your last name starts with a “C” and you have a baby, the best way to make sure that baby is gay is to make sure their first name starts with “K.”
76. Rachel
The reason “Rachel” isn’t higher on this list is ’cause there are so many Rachels out there that inevitably, there are a lot of STRAIGHT Rachels out there. When I think about the name “Rachel” as a concept I mostly think about a male friend of mine in college, who was Jewish and only dated Jewish girls because you should always have your eye out for your future wife because your mother loves you and wants grandchildren. (I have never dated a Jewish girl, sorry Mom.) He would joke that he got a degree in “Rachelology” because he had dated SO MANY RACHELS. I just checked Facebook and it looks like he married somebody who was not named Rachel. Maybe all the Rachels turned out to be gay?
75. Ash / Ashley
Stef, Vapid Fluff Editor: ashley is gay but also probably kind of a bitch (sorry ashley)
i don’t think ashley who works here is a bitch
just the ashleys i haven’t met, who are bitches
Riese: ash is like a good nickname for an ashley in a YA novel about a young masculine of center lesbian who could’ve be played by Ellen Page in the film adaptation if they’d done it ten years ago
Stef: ashleigh was the name of a girl in a YA series about horses that i loved as a kid
Ashley, Staff Writer: I hate most Ashleys and I don’t know a lot of gay ashleys
Stef: nobody believed in the runty sickly foal but ashleigh did and then she won all the kentucky derbies forever.
in retrospect this was very gay
74. Jodie Foster
73. Shannon
Stef: before shannon watters there was nothing, only darkness
and now there is only the soft glow of shannon
Carolyn, NSFW Editor (shannon watters’s wife): same
Stef: carolyn please tell me you get a slack alert for shannon’s name
Carolyn: um yes sure do
Stef: i feel like i thought shannon was a pretty straight name but then shannon happened to me
Carolyn: yhat’s what happened to her too
Riese: when i hear shannon, i think “soccer”
i think “girl in a fleece jacket who plays soccer”
Stef: i see shannon smiling jauntily and saying ‘oh hey’ and probably wearing a blazer
Mey: i think “girl with cute short hair”
72. Phyllis
“Jane makes almost twice as much money as Phyllis, they jointly own property and vehicles, and they have assigned each other as beneficiaries on wills and power of attorney forms.” – Counseling Lesbian Partners, by Joretta L. Marshall
71. Shane
If you’re straight and your name is “Shane,” you should change your name.
70. Vicki / Vikki
YOU BET
69. Becky / Becca
“Every Becky I’ve ever known has been gay. Everyone knows a gay Becky.”
– Cameron, Cartoonist
68. Carmen
Carmen De La Pica Morales. Has a more beautiful name of a fictional character, besides “Cookie,” ever sounded so sweet? Nope.
67. Idgie
I’m so gay I had to make up a new name and give it to myself to reflect precisely how gay I am
66. Marissa
“Marissa Paternoster. End of story. Queen of the Marissas.”
– Stef Schwartz, Vapid Fluff Editor
65. Gladys
Check out this picture of me being gay!
64. Cameron
- Cameron, The Miseducation Of
- Cameron, The Esposito Of
- Cameron, The Glavin Of
63. Liz
Honestly just searched for “Liz” in our media library to find a picture of our former Fashion/Style Editor Liz Rubin and this was the first picture of Liz Rubin that came up
64. Poussey
Like, objectively.
63. Lisa
“Lisa is the Jackie Warner of southern women.”
– Erin Sullivan, Staff Writer
62. Emily
“I dated two Emilys with the same first and last name.”
-Stef Schwartz, Vapid Fluff Editor
61. Kayla / Kaylah
First name Kaylah Last Name Cupcake Middle Name NOT STRAIGHT
60. Julia / Julie
A lesbian love story
Once I had an erotic third named Julia who had an ex named Julie.
59. Marisol
“Marisols are like, cool Mexican girls who wear high wasted shorts and flirt with you at the corner store.”
-Mey Rude, Queen Trans
58. Dusty
Remember that time in The L Word when Helena Peabody went to prison and ended up hooking up with a woman named Dusty? She was played by Ilene Chaiken’s personal trainer, Lucia Rijker, who is known as “the most dangerous woman in the world.”
57. Jordan
Let Her Know That She’s a Homo
56. AJ
This one’s for all the Ashleys and Ariels and Amelias out there who just cannot handle being Ashleys and Ariels and Amelias.
55. Mel
It started with Mel B and now there are Mels EVERYWHERE.
54. Patti / Patty / Peppermint Patty
“I’ve had like 12 writing instructors, all named Patty/Patti, all of them lesbians.”
– Kayla Upadhyaya, Staff Writer
53. Diane / Diana
“Kathy and Diane started couples’ therapy to improve their sexual relationship. At the beginning of their three-year-old relationship they were sexually active with each other, but they had been having sex infrequently when they came into therapy.” – Lesbian Psychologies: Expectations and Challenges, by the Boston Lesbian Psychologies Collective.
52. Brittany / Britney / Brittney
THOSE ARE GAY EYEBALLS AND I KNOW IT
51. Brittani
50. Amanda
Stef: i know two amandas who are married
Riese: to each other?
Stef: yes
and one took the other one’s last name
they’re queer porn stars
49. Chris / Cris
this is lesbian slang for “yeast infection”
48. Kelsey
“you’re practically turning your daughter gay if you name her kelsey. you did that to her.”
-Laneia, Executive Editor
47. Brianna / Brianne / Bri / Bre
We have so many Briannas at A-Camp I can hardly keep them straight, BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL GAY.
46. Lauren
“have we talked about how gay all laurens are? there are at least five gay laurens in austin. I don’t know if that says something about laurens or austin.”
– Intern Raquel
45. Alaina / Alanna / Alainna / Alana
You know one. We know you know one.
44. Morgan
Once upon a time I wrote a screenplay with my friend Carly, who as you can tell by her name; is gay. The lead character of our screenplay was named “Morgan.” I always wished that my name was Morgan, but it isn’t, so. That’s why I picked it.
43. Kristin / Kristen
Last year “Kristen” came in at 76, but this year it jumped many spaces because Kristen Stewart is out and about with her girlfriend St. Vincent. (There was no list last year)
42. Erin
– Erin Sullivan, Staff Writer
41. Sarah
This would’ve ranked higher but it seems like there might be a lot of lesbians and bisexuals named Sarah because there are a lot of PEOPLE named Sarah. I didn’t want to have to fight with a commenter about this.
But! I will say that we have had so many Sarahs work here that at one time they were all assigned numerals for easy identification. For example we have published works by Sarah Palmer, Sarah Croce, Sarah Hansen, Sarah Hall, Sarah Fonseca, Sarah Sarwar, Sara Wiseman, Sara David, Sara Century, Sarah Rosenblatt and Sarah Szabo! I COULD GO ON.
40. Amy
“speaking of first girls, amy is gay
amy is almost always gay
aimee, less gay but still probably gay”
– Stef Schwartz, Vapid Fluff Editor
39. Anna
38. Nat
37. Cheryl
If you’re a social worker and your name is Cheryl, you’re probably gay.
36. Sarah Waters
I know of two lady-loving-ladies named Sarah Waters. How many do you know? DM me.
35. Abby
They named a bar after all the lesbian Abbys
34. Jess
“Lesbian Jess has been made a synonym of Lesbian Jessica. Works and bookmarks tagged with Lesbian Jess will show up in Lesbian Jessica’s filter.” – Archive of Our Own
33. Alice
What does bisexual author Alice Walker have in common with bisexual TV character Alice Piesecki? Their first name. It’s “Alice.”
32. Jo
Oh I’m doing “Pony” at the drag king show tonight and you are NOT gonna stop me
31. Del
Phyllis + Del = Lesbians
30. Kai
“i’ve almost dated 8 kais
all the kais were slightly masculine of center, wore glasses, had dreadlocks.
also, i have a type
lmao”
-Alaina Monts, Staff Writer
29. Jamie / Jayme
Jamie and Jessie are not together, but they’re still gay.
28. Christie / Chrissie
What do you get when you take a Christina and you teach her how to scissor? You get a CHRISSIE!!!!
27. Carol
Well toodle-doodle-do
26. Cara / Kara
Stef: oh circling back to jill, another jill i know tried to make out with me AT her wedding to a man. jill, you’re gay.
Alaina: There was a Jill in my a cappella group who’s only goal was to date someone in the a cappella group…she did it. Now they’re married
Stef: Kara was the girl i DID make out with at jill’s wedding, i made jill’s new husband take her home
Alaina: STEF THE JILL I KNOW MARRIED A KERA!
Stef: wow
24. Gabrielle / Gabriella / Gabby / Gaby
This name is so queer that FIVE lesbian, bisexual and/or queer women by that name have written for Autostraddle.com! Can you even?
23. Danielle with one “n”
GAY
22. Dannielle with two “n”s.
GAYER
21. Dani
20. Robin
A young Robin Roberts is stoked to be queer
19. Kelly
Kelly has the van, Kelly will drive to the show, everybody it’s cool, don’t worry, Kelly has got this on lock. Kelly brought Gatorade for halftime, okay? She’s ready.
18. Tiana
17. Sue / Susan / Suzanne / Suze
She who Suzes
Never loses.
- Lesbian Proverb
16. Meghan / Megan / Meagan
I’M GAYYYYY!!!!!!!
15. Dana
As we mourn the loss of Dana Fairbanks, we remember all the Danas who are still with us.
14. Tara
There were so many queer Taras in my life in the late ’00s that we had to start developing code names for ease of conversation. This was unfortunate for my first Tara, who was given the nickname “DevilKitty” ’cause when you pick “DevilKitty” for your myspace handle in 2005, nobody should ever let you forget it. It was fortunate for Tara #3, who was somebody’s wife, I believe. They’ve since divorced.
13. Heather
Our Senior Editor Heather Hogan could’ve nominated herself for this position, but she didn’t have to because I already had “Heather” on the list.
12. Kate / Cait / Katie / Cat
“There were four Katies in my first A-camp cabin.”
– Laura Mandanas, Staff Writer
Is it short for Kaitlyn? Is it short for Katherine? Kathleen? Catharine? Caitlyn? You don’t need to know the answers to these questions, you just need to be her friend, even if she changes her name to “Kade.”
11. Alexis
Gay, party of one?
10. Al
This is short for the #1 most popular lesbian name “Alex” which is short for “Alexandra,” or else it is short for the #9 most popular lesbian name “Allison” or else it is short for the aforementioned “Alexis.”
9. Allison / Allyson
See “8”
8. Ali / Alley
When people ask me what kind of folks attend A-Camp, I usually say “people named Allison or Allyson, who often go by “Ali” or “Al.” I’m not lying. That’s who goes to A-Camp. The “A” is for Allison.
7. Nancy
If you were a lesbian feminist in the ’70s or ’80s, you probably went to a women’s music festival with somebody named Nancy.
6. Barb / Barbara
“One day, Lore looked Barb in the eye and said, ‘You are a lesbian.”
-Michael S. Kimmel, The Sexual Self: The Construction of Sexual Scripts
5. Jen / Jenn
Remember Jenn? From Field Hockey? She’s gay now.
4. Deb
“Every Deborah I’ve met over 45 has worn well pressed jeans and button ups tucked into them, but still gets their nails done. She’s a very specific kind of woman.”
-Alaina Monts, Staff Writer
3. Ellen
Ellen DeGeneres, the world’s most famous lesbian, is named “Ellen,” which inspired the website named AfterEllen. Ellen Page is also named “Ellen” and she is the namesake for our website right here, AfterEllenPage.com.
2. Sam
If you give birth to a lesbian, you might want to save yourself the ink and not bother naming her “Samantha” because she’s gonna drop that “antha” like a hot potato / her middle school boyfriend, who was also named Sam. Isn’t that cute? They were both named Sam!
1. Alex
Whether you’re gay, kinda gay, or just know gay people — you know a gay person named Alex. See also: Top 5 Queer TV Characters Named Alex.
Okay, time to yell at us about how wrong our list is! What names are egregiously missing? WHO HAVE WE WRONGED TODAY. Remember to use all-caps, lots of punctuation, and language that expresses vitriolic incredulity if you want us to take you seriously. Threats to our livelihoods and well-being are encouraged.
[ETA: I’d like to pre-emptively apologize to all ye Hannahs and Lauras out there. You were in an earlier draft but something happened between then and now, and I lost you. I’ll make it up to you next year.]
Every Major “Law & Order” Character Ranked In Order Of Lesbianism
27. Senior Detective Alexandra Eames
Is seemingly able to withstand extended periods of time (all of it, all the time, every minute of time) with #1 Mansplainer Robert Goren, so. Generally doesn’t ping.
26. Junior Detective Megan Wheeler
Literally everybody on Criminal Intent bugged for me.
25. Junior Detective Amanda Rollins
Can’t be a lesbian because her and Carisi are MTB. But she could be bisexual and have an affair with her babysitter. Olivia Benson wouldn’t like that but Olivia Benson isn’t the boss of Rollins’ personal life.
24. Judge Lena Petrovsky
Has a deeply adversarial history with Alex Cabot, so probably she is homophobic.
23. Assistant District Attorney Kim Greylek
Vaguely emenates a cylon vibe.
22. Police Psychiatrist Paula Gyson
I have no memory of this character but if I did, it would be a memory of her driving away from her ex’s house on a motorcycle.
21. Junior Detective Nina Cassady
Who? Statistically speaking, is probably gay.
20. Junior Detective Monique Jeffries
Never truly fleshed out or given time to shine, leading her to be replaced by Ice-T. Also used to work out at my gym in Union Square. That has nothing to do with anything besides spandex in general.
19. Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Borgia
Has “relatives in Venice.” Is brutally murdered.
18. Assistant District Attorney Sonya Paxton
Elliot Stabler considered her “hungry for power.” Alcoholic. Lives by her own rules. Is brutally murdered by somebody else’s stalker.
17. Assistant District Attorney Jamie Ross
Her name is “Jamie.” Lesbian haircut. Intense custody battle with her ex.
16. Medical Examiner Dr. Elizabeth Rogers
Longest-running recurring character in various Law & Order universes due to absolutely zero fear of commitment. Butch business casual. Easily frustrated by men.
15. Judge / Bureau Chief Assistant District Attorney Elizabeth Donnelly
“The ballsiest character the franchise has ever invented – male or female” – Susan Green & Randee Dawn, The Law and Order: Special Victims Unit Companion
14. Junior Detective Nola Falacci
Lesbian voice, bad with people, broad shoulders, wears tank tops to work.
13. Assistant District Attorney Connie Rubirosa
“De La Garza is, per the show’s distaff tradition, obliged to have Rubirosa scissor her legs around the DA’s office.” – Ken Tucker, Entertainment Weekly
12. Lieutenant Anita Van Buren
That’s the same face she makes at the hospital when they’re like, “I’m sorry you have to be legally related to the patient in order to be granted visitation rights.” Nope, not today. NOT ON MY WATCH.
11. Assistant District Attorney Claire Kincaid
Lesbian voice. Pro-choice feminist, Scully haircut. Died in a car crash while helping a drunk detective get home from the bar.
10. Interim District Attorney Nora Lewin
First female DA. Definitely a kinky top who sleeps on a pile of money. Probably does “in contempt of court” role-playing.
9. Junior Detective Carolyn Barek
This is a trick question because in addition to playing Carolyn Barek, this actress also played a lesbian in “ALTO – A Lesbian Romantic Comedy starring Diana Degarmo Of American Idol & Annabella Sciorra,” AND she played a lesbian in The L Word, and everybody who was in The L Word is gay now.
8. Assistant District Attorney Abbie Carmichael
Was on the track team at the University of Texas. Overall moral situation leans Log Cabin Republican.
7. Psychologist Elizabeth Olivet
Blazer.
6. Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak
Lesbian voice. In her first appearance on the show as ADA, lesbian doyenne Olivia Benson comes to Casey’s office to yell at her and finds Casey IS ALREADY CRYING. This is a unique lesbian trait, crying in anticipation of being yelled at by Olivia Benson. Also: plays softball, troubled ex, tense relationship with her former lover/mentor Elizabeth Donnelley.
In her former life as a straight woman, appeared as a witness in a case involving everybody’s favorite procedural topic, autoerotic asphyxiation.
5. Medical Examiner Melinda Warner
Knows her way around a body, strategically buries the lede. Is the Heather Hogan of Law & Order in that every time she walks into a room I think, “Oh good, somebody has arrived to make sense of things.” Looks good in a lab coat.
4. FBI Special Agent George Huang
SORRY IT’S TRUE.
3. Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot
Lesbian voice. Has an off-screen fan-created deeply implied romantic relationship with Olivia Benson. The Ciara song “Like a Boy” was inspired by Alexandra Cabot, I think. In a press call, as reported by AfterEllen, Stephanie March said of Olivia/Cabot being in love, “I’m not saying we’re not… I’m not saying we’re not in love.” CLOSE ENOUGH.
2. Assistant District Attorney Serena Southerlyn
Good news here is that Serena Southerlyn, in addition to having my middle name as her last name but with the Southern term “Southern” in front of it, is actually a lesbian. We know this because HER LITERAL LAST LINE ON THE SHOW FOREVER was after she got fired and asked, “is this because I’m a lesbian?” We all know the answer to that is always yes. (Technically her last line is “good… good” after Branch says she’s not being fired for being a lesbian. But she is being fired for being too emotional about her cases, which is basically the same thing.)
1. Olivia Benson
Straight girls hate her butch haircuts. Is Olivia Benson.