21 Valuable Unsolicited Insights From The “Lesbian, Comes Out” Column on Tweetdeck

Adding a “comes out, lesbian” keyword column to my Tweetdeck was an incredibly educational experience. If you’re unfamiliar, Tweetdeck is an application that enables you to view multiple twitter timelines in one interface — it’s how I track mentions of autostraddle, keep up with the news, and follow the people that I follow. You can add a column for a specific search term, so every time somebody tweets using those words, it’ll pop up. See:

Obviously, I created the “Search: ‘comes out, lesbian” column in order to stay up-to-date on any celebrity coming out as a lesbian. I have indeed received some tips in that department. But mostly, I get other stuff. Namely:

1. A wide body of pornographic work, mostly involving MILFs.

2. An apparently otherwise-heterosexual woman declaring that her “inner lesbian” comes out when she consumes alcohol or views an attractive woman in real life or in pop culture. I’d like to commission a study on these “inner lesbians” but who has the time.

3. Fandom debates.

4. Excitement about the release of Kabi Nagata’s My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness.

5. Speculation about whether or not various members of the kardashian/Jenner family will come out. E.g., “i high key think kendall jenner is lesbian and im waiting for the day when she comes out and i can watch her flourish”

Then there are other delightful gems — jokes, observations, accounts of inner turmoil — that just turn up. I didn’t ask for them. I wasn’t looking for them. But now I have them.

I’m pasting the text of each tweet content rather than embedding the tweet because these people did not agree to be in my life or yours.

21 Tweets From My “Lesbian Comes Out” Column On Tweetdeck That Are Not About a Lesbian Coming Out But Are Still Very Important Ideas To Consider

1. web designers how do I make it so that if straight men try to read my lesbian comic a hand comes out of their screens and clocks them

2. when’s florence + the machine going to drop a new album i have a lesbian out of body experience every time one of her songs comes on shuffle

3. Sits down to watch shameless with my mom, *lesbian sex scene comes on* stands right back up and walks out

4. Oh please! I will never ever have respect for Bruno Mars until he comes out & tells us he is a butch lesbian from the 70’s

5. (@-reply to another twitter user)
you didn’t see the lesbian sex scene? did you even get to the part where flappy bird comes out? god, you are pathetic

6. (@-reply to Nancy Pelosi)
Nancy do u really believe the bullshit that comes out of ur mouth. R you & Hilary having a lesbian affair because u r still on her tit

7. If you say lesbian three times in the mirror, Ellen comes out and starts dancing.

8. Can someone write a story about a young lesbian who comes out but never gets the girl? Because that’s my life story.

9. who wants to be my fake boyfriend when my family comes out for my graduation so they stop telling everybody i’m a lesbian

10. “how do you know you’re a lesbian if you’ve never been with a man” HOW ABOUT I SHOVE MY CONTROLLER SO FAR UP YOUR ASS IT COMES OUT YOUR MOUTH

11. If it comes out that Maggie Thatcher was a lesbian I DON’T claim her

12. The truth comes out; it was lesbian nuns.

13. Would not be surprised if the Clintons divorced quietly and hill comes out as a lesbian no need to hide it now.

14. “You’re going to be that lesbian that comes out when you’re 35 after getting a divorce with a man you had two kids with” bitch I might be

15. My little sister is a lesbian. I’m tweeting this now so I can come back to and RT it when she comes out in four years

16. Just when I thought porn had run out of new subgenres, here comes lesbian tennis…

17. Mum always comes out with these cool facts about her past… She just told me when she was 18 she had a dj set at a lesbian disco.. niceee

18. I think my new neighbor is a lesbian. She comes out EVERY time she hears my car lock sound… at least she says hey instead of just staring

19. That moment “Push It” comes on in Target & you start grindin on the BF just to find out it’s a 40yr old lesbian.
So, I think I have a GF now.

20. Rosie once was funny and once was nice. Anytime a lesbian comes out they turn mean. They are men haters. imho

21. Will there be any leaks on HRCs sexual life revealed? I’m betting on lesbian when Wiki comes out!

21 Unintentionally Gay Vintage Newspaper Clippings That I Wish Were Gay For Real

Once upon a time, the words we use to refer to our sexual orientations and gender identities were also used to mean other things. For example, “gay” means “happy,” whatever that is. This means many archival documents are unintentionally loaded with brilliant subtext their creators were hardly aware of at the time. Luckily, I’m here, now, armed with a newspapers.com membership and a keen eye for rampant early 20th century queerbaiting.

1. The Roseburg Review, Oregon – May 13, 1916

Tell me more about these “dyke headquarters”

2. The Pittsburgh Press, Pennsylvania — July 30, 1912

Also the title of an A-Camp workshop I would definitely attend

3. The Wilson Advance, North Carolina — March 16, 1893

Invitation ACCEPTED

4. The Observer, London, UK – August 25, 1929

Repetitive

5. The Philadelphia Inquirer, Pennsylvania — May 10, 1903

but her mother insisted she would look so cute if she just tried the dress on

6. The Minneapolis Star, Minnesota — May 5, 1922

YES DADDY I DO WANT TO GO TO DREAMLAND

7. The Lincoln Evening Journal, Nebraska  – June 23, 1932

Is it though

8. The Arizona Daily Star, Arizona – February 11, 1912

Why the scare quotes, Edith

9. The Harrisburg Telegraph, Pennsylvania — April 5, 1947

early inspiration for butcheswithbabies.tumblr.com

10. The Wilkes-Barre Record, Pennsylvania – August 13, 1901

Listen if all the family is not present at the fifth annual reunion, I will be CRACKING SKULLS.

11. The Pickens Sentinel, South Carolina – December 14, 1904

…because every time we explain our fads to you, YOU STEAL THEM

12. The Decatur Herald, Illinois – August 2, 1927

Prime example of the slippery slope from homosexuality to having dinner with rabbits and toads

13. The Frederick News, Maryland – May 29, 1899

the “purpose” of “promoting” the “literary talent” of “the college”

14. The Pittsburgh Daily Post, Pennsylvania – February 4, 1914

Early working title for J. Halberstam’s “Female Masculinity”

15. St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Missouri – February 8, 1922

Well Kabakoff can fuck entirely off

16. The Brooklyn Daily Eagle, New York — August 5, 1909

Early working title for “Ramona Quimby, Age 8”

17. The Albuquerque Journal, New Mexico — April 12, 1904

It’s about damn time

18. The Benton Harbor News-Palladium, Michigan — July 7, 1915

OKAY WE GET IT, YOU’RE GAY

19. The Brownsville Herald, Texas — November 28, 1948

Early working title of “Finding Nemo”

20. The Seattle Star, Washington – Sep 14, 1912

HEY VETERAN DETECTIVE, SHE ONLY DATES WOMEN OKAY, SHE’S NOT INTO YOU, LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE

21. The Pittsburgh Press, Pennsylvania – March 20, 1888

You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave your girlfriend

61 Ways You Weirdos Described Yourselves When Signing Up For A-Camp

A-Camp 8.0 is six weeks away which means it’s time for me to start doing the magical spells that place everybody in cabins with other humans they may or may not like but hopefully will like! That’s why I ask campers to describe themselves in 400 characters or less when they register, and most of them do, and then I read through them and get very excited to meet everybody. I know a lot about your astrological signs, Meyers-Briggs types, dog vs. cat preferences, Hogwarts houses, gender presentations, grad school majors and negative feelings towards the patriarchy, so thank you for that.

Here are some excerpts from your self-descriptions, ripped mercilessly out of context, and shared here for everybody’s collective enjoyment:

1. I like showing off this one weird talent where I can turn my feet almost 180 degrees backward and still stand straight

2. Even if I only get 400 characters, 9 of them will be SLYTHERIN so make of that what you will

3. Sometimes I cry easily?

4. After years of complaining about shoddy lesbian storylines, I still haven’t seen Carol

5. I’m an Alex Danvers crossed with an Elena Alvarez but with an unfortunate side of Ali Pfefferman

6. If they made a movie about my life, Clea DuVall would play me

7. I would say I’m a mixture of all the Belcher kids (from Bob’s Burgers) but mostly a Tina

8. If Queen Latifah and J-Lo got together and had a love child it would be me

9. I am the Mexican/gay Elaine Benes that never was

10. I like to think of myself as a mix between Issa Rae and Solange

11. 100% Elena from “One Day at a Time” looking for my Mexican bruja Carmen

12. I’m the same height as Putin

13. I know the words to every single Lion King song

14. I have no self control when there are cookies in my vicinity

15. Seizing the means of production is my kink.

16. Basically I’m a sentient trash can with three degrees.

17. Secret Grunge Time Traveler

18. Insufferable bleeding heart Liberal snowflake

19. Denim-Wearing Campy Chatty Cathy

20. Sparkly weird garbage glam alien

21. Reclusive Swashbuckler / Puttering PUNographer / Sagacious Sherlockian

22. I love snapbacks and dancing like a goon

23. I eat tortilla chips in hummus literally every day

24. I have a tattoo of broccoli on my left hip

25. I am perpetually coming out to my internet service provider

26. I hate mushrooms and pudding, have never done drugs, and may one day do yoga, but probably not.

27. I’m a young grandma at heart with no apologies

28. My current favorite goof is making jokes about the Nintendo Switch. I mean, come on, Nintendo. Come on.

29. I’m usually surrounded by too many books while I’m vibing to Linda Ronstadt while leafing through the latest issue of MaximumRockNRoll.

30. I studied knot theory — in both the practical and theoretical senses, and if you find me somewhere without rope, you should help me change that situation!

31. Last year I gave a PSA about a butt plug

32. All I asked for for my last birthday was a Leatherman multitool

33. I was dubbed The Shane of the Hell’s Angels cabin. Probably because I give good life advice.

34. Writing this bio made me nervous so I google image-d “self description”

35. After one full year, this brown queer
Is ready for more fun.
Positive and goofy
awkward and sleuthy
But no longer “the quiet one.”
I can’t dance, but might take a chance,
When paired with craft beer.
Doing ALL the workshops,
breaking from the desktops,
And looking forward to Club Deer.

36. Just a smalltown queer living in a world with no fear.
They took a midnight drive going to A-caaaamp.

37. Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you- you could, you’ll do, you- you wants, you, you could do so, you- you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want them to do you so much you could do anything?

38. Tall like Amazon
Empathetic and witty
Snuggles for days, yo

When A-Camp rings bell
Lurk for years and then answer
Futile resistance

39. My Patronus is the Australian Magpie — a beautiful songbird that, when threatened, can literally kill you.

40. I enjoy long discussions about how Katniss should have run off with Madge

41. I enjoy telling people random Star Trek: The Next Generation facts

42. I have been told I’m a golden retriever in human form.

43. I’m a social media-less cusp of mystery.

44. Connoisseur of rosé and Real Housewives

45. Dream job: pilot in the rebel alliance

46. My favorite holidays are Halloween and 420.

47. Gryffindor in the streets, Slytherin in the sheets.

48. Canadian turned Southerner turned small-town Midwesterner (in other words: RESERVED BUT FRIENDLY).

49. In an Autostraddle article I read once, I found “aunt dad” as a way to describe my gender presentation and I never looked back.

50. Raised by indirect communicators but therapy has helped tremendously on that

51. I’m a Scorpio, but one who is a nervous dog terrified of everyone until I’m comfortable but then once I am I’ll both curl up on your lap and also defend your honor to the death.

52. Vapid Fluff is the most important thing on the internet.

53. I went to boarding school so know all the fun games to play when the lights go off and the teachers have gone to bed

54. I can usually be found with my head in a book because fictional life is much more interesting than my real life

55. HI RIESE

56. If I approached everything in life with the same determination and speed I put into changing into pajamas after work, I would be a highly productive person

57. I’ve been single so long that I’m pretty sure I am no longer eligible to refer to myself as a homosexual.

58. If I was an animal I’d be a raccoon because I love shiny things, staying up late, and eating garbage.

59. I’ve probably seen every Ryan Gosling movie in existence. It’s a serious disorder.

60. I love cheese more than any other food in the world

61. Anxious around cute people. Please put me with cute people.

55 Gayest Ways You Met Your Significant Other(s), According to the Autostraddle Reader Survey

On the 2016 Autostraddle Reader Survey, we asked those of you with one or more significant others to tell us where you met your very special someone(s). 29% of you met online, 23% met at school, 18% met through friends, 6% at a bar or party and 4% at an LGBT event.

8.5% picked “Other” and provided us with your answer as a write-in. Also, lots of people wrote in answers even though they’d also checked off an aforementioned category, because you really wanted us to know the full expression of your personal truth. For that, we salute you. Thank you for being so open with us all.

We learned that just as it was in 2014, the best place to meet a queer lady besides the internet, A-Camp or an Autostraddle Meet-Up is roller derby or softball. If you’re not athletic, I hear that Tinder is a solid thumb workout.

So, here are the gayest ways you met your lover, pulled from the write-in box on the Autostraddle Reader Survey and ripped mercilessly out of context for your collective enjoyment:

1. Queer youth center, then later at the gay bar

2. Folk scene (trad. music and dance)

3. Sacred harp singing

4. A spiritual retreat

5. Peace Corps

6. She was my professor in college. We didn’t start dating until I’d been out of college for a few months.

7. She held the door for me at the library, I gave my best femme up-down-checking-you-out, she held eye contact for a full 30 seconds, I offered her reference help for a paper she was writing, I asked her out.

8. In a chat room for a Cathy DeBuono web series

9. LiveJournal- Lesbians Community

10. Online but not like online dating – we met through a fan forum for an Australian reality TV show contestant. We first met in person at one of said singer’s concerts organised by the fan forum.

11. Through her girlfriend.

12. She is my exes exes ex. And yes, our exes introduced us while we were still with them.

13. She was dating my friend and we did that lesbian thing where there’s messy emotional overlap but it all worked out in the end!

14. I was a customer at her cosmetics counter.

15. They are my bike mechanic.

16. At a local yoga studio.

17. Girl Scout camp is a magical place.

18. We went to nursery school together and met again as adults

18. Smashing the patriarchy and organizing for a rape crisis center on our college campus while also taking a gender studies class. Also I was a data point in her thesis. It was about gender neutral housing. We are gay.

19. At an A-Camp Introvert Meet-Up. We’ve been quiet together ever since.

20. In the sci-fi/fantasy section of the local bookshop

21. A science fiction convention

22. The Strand Bookstore Must Love Books Queer Lady Speed Dating

23. Lesbian Book Club

24. Volunteering at an LGBTQ Literary Event

25. Potterheads meet-up

26. At an Autostraddle London speed dating event :)

27. At our gay-ass sorority

28. At the intentional community/commune we used to live at.

29. We moved into a co-op at the same time and hung out in the kitchen a lot because we were both unemployed.

30. Shared accommodations while both doing research for our masters in the Arctic

31. On Autostraddle! I moved to a small city in the UK where there appeared to be no lesbians! But a quick search in the Autostraddle members directory proved otherwise (there was only one)

32. I was a student teacher looking for advice from my old mentor, she was in my mentors class. So it’s both work and school and yeah…makes me look like a creep.

33. At a Colleen Green show where there were only like 20 people total. we were both taking the subway home the same way and struck up a conversation

34. LGBTQ flag football league

35. Through British Army rugby

36. Paragliding, we are both pilots

37. She was coaching her son’s U6 soccer team and I was coaching my niece’s team. We played each other.

38. Poly events, kinky play parties and a Nightvale Dance Party

39. On Xbox live 8 years ago

40. AnimeFest

41. At a Black Lives Matter protest

42. Training for a crisis counseling hotline

43. At a weekly discussion meeting for anarchists

44. LGBT support group, back when you needed those

45. At a house show in Brooklyn

46. At a Drag Show

47. Adversaries in a musical competition who fell in love?

48. Local female fronted band competition. Essentially an LGBT event

49. I’m in a local LGBT youth facebook group thing for our city and we meet up every couple of weekends and hang out

50. Picked me up hitchhiking

51. Building an imaginary wardrobe. (Not a euphemism.)

52. Sadly

53. Church camp??!!

54. She was (and is) the cutest employee at the pet store so I asked her out while buying dog food.

55. Roller derby. Such cliché.

Where’s the gayest place you’ve met a special someone?

39 Truly Innovative Ways You Described Your Relationship Status On The Autostraddle Reader Survey

Last year’s Autostraddle Reader Survey gave us a fascinating look at all of your thoughts, feelings, dreams, beliefs, and online shopping patterns. One of the questions we asked was about your current relationship status. Here’s how those numbers shook out:

But — SURPRISE! — many of you had more feelings about your relationship status than could be accurately conveyed by simply checking a box.

So, here are some of your very best and most illuminating answers to “what is your relationship status,” ripped mercilessly out of context and listed here for our communal enjoyment.

1. just kissed this polyamorous human last night so we’ll see

2. kissing my room mate and not sure if we’re dating. help

3. we call each other “blorp” and “lovah-friend”

4. I have a massive crush on my very best friend so there’s that unfortunate situation.

5. I’ve sort of moved into my girlfriend’s apartment and we have a cat together so we’re basically married

6. tragic

7. Desperately single PLS DATE MEEEEEEEEE

8. LTR with self

9. In “it’s complicated” with grad school

10. Oh dear God I have no clue right now, it’s a mess!

11. Like tim gunn Im single with no plans of ever not being

12. aannd sleeping with my straight best friend

13. Spinster 4 lyfe.

14. In a Significant Relationship with a person that is definitely not dating, nope, that would be scary.

15. 5ever alone

16. Poly triad with one cis gray-ace queer gal and one gendervague demisexual heteroflexible AMAB person

17. I live with an ex girlfriend, but we live on separate floors of the house. it’s complicated.

18. Dumped a week ago :'(

19. LOVE IS A LIE

20. Cat lady forever, probably

21. Desperately pining for the cute queer Hot Topic employee who complimented my yellow doc martens the other day

22. Celibate spinster. It’s not functionally congruent to “single”, trust me.

23. In a long term monogamous relationship with my PhD dissertation

24. Can’t be arsed to talk to people

25. we got in a really bad fight today, so i’m not sure. ughhhh

26. Complicated fucker

27. Single as of last night

28. Fuckbuddy

29. Single as a mothafudgin’ pringle

30. In like kind of a thing

31. CRUSHING HARD ON A GIRL

32. Pining and depressed, emotionally taken

33. Pining over a straight girl

34. Pining over my ex

35. Holding out for a hero

36. Dating in theory, shy introvert in practice.

37. Can’t wait to be married to her, but we have no idea how to plan a wedding
please send help

38. In the words of Facebook, it’s complicated

39. My current human is doing her PhD, which she often jokes is her “wife.” This makes me the mistress!

TAG YOURSELF obviously I’m 19, but also 35, because the lyrics to that song were the entirety of my JDate profile in 2004. It’s still true.

49 Tremendously Vulgarious Ways “Spy Magazine” Described Casino Operator Donald Trump, 1986-1994

From 1986 to around 1994, Spy Magazine skewered the New York City media and political scene and often exhibited a special focus on real estate developer Donald Trump. See — before Trump convinced millions of people he could be president, Trump regularly convinced people with millions of dollars that they should give their money to him. This was, generally speaking, bad advice. Spy Magazine’s investment in regularly exposing Donald Trumps’ ridiculousness inspired Esquire to launch a SPY Magazine pop-up on its website during the election, with posts from Spy co-founder Kurt Anderson and former Spy contributors like Nell Scovell and Bruce Handy. If you’ve never heard of Spy, than knowing that Spy definitely inspired Gawker might give you a reasonable idea of what it was. (I also recommend Spy: The Funny Years, which is practically free because nobody but me cares, apparently.)

The entire Spy Magazine archives are available on Google Books, though, and a nice breeze-through of Trump-related search results isn’t an entirely insufferable experience. (Spy Magazine was definitely one of Gawker’s formative texts, and we see how that turned out.) A lot of old Spy articles are, well, prescient. Like this one, which takes the mainstream press to task for not aggressively fact-checking his proclamations of wealth/worth and thus dooming the investments of so many media consumers. Or, you know, this one:

But Spy Magazine really excelled at Trump-related insults. This listling contains just some of many, ripped mercilessly out of context for your enjoyment.

Spy Magazine Describes Donald Trump, 1984-1994

1. “Shuttle-owning dilettante-megalomaniac”

2. “Doomed millionaire”

3. “Synthetically good-looking deadbeat”

4. “School-yard bully giving way to patronizing wiseass”

5.  “The short-fingered one”

6. “Deal-maker extraordinaire”

7. “Trump, it seems, knows how to make another sound. It goes: NYEH-NYEH-NYEH-NYEH NYEH.”

8. “A cheeseball”

9. “…Trump may have been the punchline of most of the jokes told by the swarm of aging, bad comedians at the party (“Marla, you picked a loser!” said Pat Cooper), but his short fingers were as limber and active as ever.”

10. “A short-fingered casino operator”

11. “Floundering casino operator”

12. “Sinking casino operator”

13. “Casino-operarting hustler”

14. “Hustler-on-his-best-behavior”

15.  “The garlic. The crucifix. The stake through the heart. The holy water sprinkled on the soil from his native Queens that he must sleep in every night — evidently none of them have finished off Donald Trump.”

16. “A supercanny, supersharp top investor”

17. “A superbusinesslike, superresponsbile top investor”

18. “The world’s top judge of architecture”

19. “Would-be Upper West Side ravager”

20. “Long-running scamp”

21. “A fool and a liar and a deadbeat”

22. “Short-fingered indentured servant”

23. “…not just some cartoon character, a guy with a comb-over and a press agent and a board game named after him; he is and always has been a real and fairly treacherous human being.”

24. “Marginally solvent financier”

25. “Short-fingered vulgarian”

26. “Creative, hands-on, person-to-person superguy”

27. “Debtor-adulterer”

28. “…Goldberger had bigger things on his mind, namely Trump’s unrelentingly meretricious taste in architecture, Trump’s ethics, Trump’s self-aggradizing propaganda and the future of New York City.”

29.  “The very symbol of greed, vulgarity and bluster”

30.  “High-class, swanky real estate mogul”

31. “A man of obviously limited abilities”

32. “The biggest, richest, shortest-fingered catch in town!”

33. “Scalp-tightened self-promoter”

34. “A vanity author”

35. “Short-fingered acolyte”

36. “Nobleman-lounge singer”

37.  “Flyaway-haired mogul and author”

38. “Forget the way he has imposed upon all of us his idea of “class” — more a Dynasty notion of panache than anything even faintly evoking the uptown swagger that New York epitomizes. Forget his noxious tactics with tenants he wishes to evict. Forget the sheer cheesiness of Trump Tower, Trump Plaza and his casinos; forget the way he seems to have the Times in his back pocket; forget the hustler-on-his-best-behavior manner. In fact, forget just about everything concerning Donald Trump except the stupid things he says.”

39. “The epitome of Roaring Eighties-style excess”

40. “Our very own Queens-born megamillionaire”

41. “An eighties kind of guy lost in a nineties kind of world”

42.  “Highly leveraged vice king”

43.  “Vulgarian builder”

44. “When a member of Oprah Winfrey’s TV audience had the temerity to ask them about 20/20’s report that Donald only spends four to six hours a week with his children, he responded, “I would say that I spend enough time with the children. I think they’re pretty well covered.” Hear that, naysayers? They’ve got the kids covered. No problem. And we’ll bet those four, five or six are super-quality hours. With top kids.”

45. “Capitalist Genius and Creator of Wealth”

46. “Supersavvy top financier”

47. “Low-profile noncandidate”

48. “Would-be president”

49. “When another guest ribbed Trump about his threatened presidential aspirations, the Queens-born casino operator replied, “Look, would you run for office if you paid almost no taxes last year? Like, duh… we’re sure he was just kidding.”

35 Truly Inspirational Ways You Described Your Gender Presentation On the Autostraddle Reader Survey

The 2016 Autostraddle Reader Survey is underway, and we are so excited to have already heard from over 3,000 of you regarding your wants, needs, desires, and demographics. One of the survey questions asked you which of a list of terms best described your gender presentation — of course, not everybody thinks about their gender presentation at all, let alone how to ascribe one of the various labels in our giant stew of labels to themselves. But a lot of you do, and boy is it interesting! If you’re keeping track at home, you should know that currently Tomboy Femme is in the lead, with over 30% of readers feeling a lil TF in their hearts.

You were also invited to write in an answer if none of the provided answers appealed to you. Here are some of the very best write-ins that really illustrate how wonderful and totally weird y’all are!

1. Stoner Femme, Gender Confused

2. Insufficiently organised to have a consistent presentation

3. Exhausted college chic/professional physics human

4. Uh. Librarian? What’s the one with no makeup and just regular clothes?

5. Whatever Brandi Carlile is

6. Glitter Queen

7. Fancy Pony Boi

8. Cozy femme

9. I just like docs and dresses ok

10. Hypermasculine camp

11. Softest of butches

12. Executive dysfunction closeted makeup-scared femme?

13. So uncomfortable

14. Femme in the Summer, Butch in the Winter: A Seasonal Fluidity

15. A small cluster of stars

16. 14-year-old boy

17. Leg hair don’t care but actually cares a lot

18. Sloth femme

19. Gay adjunct professor/goth librarian

20. Aunt Dad

21. Granola, self-sufficient, utilitarian, rural spinster

22. Laid-back lesbian farmer

23. DOIN MY OWN FUCKIN THING

24. Athleisure meets sea-witch

25. Comfortable baggy-clothed person

26. My girlfriend likes to (very accurately so) describe me as “pastel butch”

27. Bunny dyke

28. Muppet

29. Low Femme

30. Lab Chic

31. Geek? I don’t know, I’m wearing a Wonder Woman shirt and Mickey Mouse shoes, so make of that what you will

32. Exhausted

33. FUCK I HAVE NO IDEA? USUALLY PEOPLE DON’T RECOGNIZE ME AS GAY, SO FEMME?

34. Lesbarian

35. This whole labeling thing is very American, isn’t it. I’m a woman who owns pants, chucks, skirts and mascara. Now what?

42 Insightful “Ghostbusters” Reviews From Actual Adult Males On Facebook Who Definitely Aren’t Sexist

The all-new lady-centric Ghostbusters came out last weekend, inspiring positive reviews from people who liked it, as well as negative reviews from people who didn’t like it. Both of those groups have been sharing their feelings on this matter on the official Ghostbusters fan page, which was originally created for fans of the original film. 25% of the comments about the remake are vomit emojis and reminders that Ghostbusters made less money last weekend than The Secret Life of Pets, 50% of them are positive endorsements of the film from people of all genders, 5% are women who hated it and 20% are men who hated it. The excerpts on this listling come, of course, from that last group. (This is not to say that all women liked the movie, or that disliking the movie is anti-feminist. But this IS to say that a lot of the men who hate the movie are misogynist mansplaining asshats.) (Oh yeah; and a lot of the people who hate it are also mean and racist!)

Below please witness excerpts from comments left recently on the Ghostbusters Facebook page, ripped mercilessly out of context but mostly presented in their entirety. I have edited some of these comments for clarity, grammar and spelling. Some of the misspellings and bad grammar I left intact for artistic reasons.

1. Call it what it really is: Malebusters

2. As a man I refuse to watch. The whole “feminist agenda” doesn’t appeal to me.

3. This movie was made by women wearing strap-ons and guys wearing dresses! Lol!!!

4. Who you gonna call? Someone else

5. Just watch Scooby Doo 2 Monsters Unleashed. It was the exact same movie complete with fart jokes. The Ghostbusters themselves seemed a ripoff of the whole Mystery Inc. gang. Just like Scooby, the Leslie Jones character would find the ghost and run in fear being chased by the ghost back to the group. Kate McKinnon could be labeled as Fred: blond hair, sometimes scarf around her neck. Kristen Wiig in the roll of Daphnie, the damsel in distress. Melissa McCarthy as Velma: book smart, complete with glasses. Chris Hemsworth was Shaggy: dumb and carefree, even came with properly timed sandwich-eating. They could have just cast Seth Green as the creepy weirdo villain guy for another cameo bit. The whole script was hollow and full of cheap gags just like Scooby Doo. Just my opinion.

6. We’ve read the emails — we know you forced Ivan Reitman out. We hate you Sony.

7. Emphasis on the boooooo

8. Women feel the need to bully men into having a positive opinion about a movie, otherwise, disagreeing makes them “manbabies.” Meanwhile, other genders are able to act as nostalgic, geekish, childish in their entertainment favorites as they like, and it’s considered perfectly fine.

9. And the trophy for the most misandrist movie of the year goes to ….. ghostbuster 2016

10. This movie deserves an award.. – WORST MOVIE OF THE FKIN CENTURY

11. If [Kate McKinnon] spent as much time in the kitchen as she did trying to do a man’s job, we could get more accomplished.

12. These four women aren’t funny of what I’ve seen in the five trailers that I’ve seen.

13. I would rather watch a 24-hour Richard Simmons marathon in a rainstorm with jumper cables attached to my nipples than watch this movie

14. It bombed big time. Like worse then Jem did. Like worse then Gigli.

15. My band is named after the creature that wreaked havoc during the 3rd reconciliation of Gozer the Destructor. With that said, I’m not watching this til it comes out on DVD.

16. I just seen a bunch of women that wished they were as good as men. Terrible movie.

17. Wow! What a pathetic attempt by feminists. Going to start a petition to get my money back.

18. Should have listened to fans instead of pandering to Twitter feminists.

19. If I found a free copy of this movie in the street, I wouldn’t walk it the next few steps to the garbage can. Oh, that’s a lie. I hate litter. I’d be a good citizen and chunk it.

20. I’m surprised they didn’t show all these ladies cats?

21. Nothing makes me want to see a movie quite like being told to “get over it.” That alongside “women are funny” “women rule” “women women women” really drives home the point that this movie is all about the fact that the new Ghostbusters are women.

22. This is not Ghostbusters, this is just a big nothing compared to the ORIGINAL. WHERE ARE MALE PEOPLE. And don’t act like womans are better than males. It’s tied between the two so stop please.

23. I left to get popcorn and the claw machine was more entertaining.

24. I will see this piece of garbage about the same time when Joel Schumacher apologizes for the two Batman movies he did…

25. There are plenty of women who aren’t better than me but can do better things, there are plenty of women who make more money than me but aren’t better. There are plenty who I make more than but I’m no better. I won’t give in imagine if Lord of the Rings was remade in a few years because… women empowernent.

26. Feminists everywhere insist everyone is sexist, but it’s sexist for people to be producing all-women films when the characters were male to begin with. Honestly, people are pretending to like this BECAUSE it is women. (That’s sexist too.)

27. I had the choice of: working in 100-degree weather and 100% humidity mowing the lawn, pressure washing the house and painting the deck OR seeing this movie. Yard and house look real nice.

28. They shouldn’t have tried to remake a classic, and insert socio-political propaganda into it as well…

29. Okay Ghostbusters, why did you think this was going to work? A group of feminist ghost-catchers? Complete fail and I didn’t even see it. The previews were enough.

30. SONY handing out those checks for positive revues…

31. Thats totally how restaurants drum up business, whats that you dont like pizza? Well your sexist and racists against Italians then

32. Now that The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Ghosts has proved to be garbage can we please get that ghostbusters movie that was promised to be for actual fans?

33. Films like this one, is the exact reason females aren’t taken more seriously in Hollywood.

34. Anyone who wastes their money on this abortion is a fool.

35. I hope she gets proton cancer from licking those guns

36. I saw the movie GHOST IN THE SHELL witch isn’t trash and is actually entertaining

37. All a positive review does is prove how easily a small mind is amused.

38. Cutting my toenails with a butter knife would be a more entertaining and satisfying way to spend the evening.

39. It’s a action chic comedy ,not bad ,not good …Only thing I like was seeing the original Ghostbusters and Sigorney weaver ..some where middle end ,got to predictable and lame .Positive thing I can say ,as a writer …the writing was good, the acting good ,the blonde ghost buster chic. ..crazy hot ..Thor was good as secretary ,but girls saving NYC nope ! Not convincing.

40. It’s hard to take anyone seriously who looks like a bunch of rejects from Whataburger

41. They deleted my comment… Hiding the truth.

17 Spashley Forum Topics Started By Autostraddle’s Business Director, 2006-2007

Sarah posting on the Spashley forums, 2007

Our new Business and Design Director, Sarah Sarwar, passionately explored her lesbianism in the ’00s via passionate commitments to various fandoms. Specifically, Sarah really got real on the South of Nowhere Spashley fan forums. Like… REALLY REAL, Y’ALL. This week we’re all together in one geographical location working on this website and Sarah made the mistake of letting us see her storied world wide web history on The Spencer & Ashley Forums.

BTW her username was “mouthfull.”

Below, please enjoy some of the many forum topics that Sarah Sarwar herself began, including her creative sub-titles. Also now that I’ve used her full name three times in this post, she’ll never be able to work anywhere else besides here. As Sarah 2007 would say, “Bwahaha.”

1. Ashley’s FUGLY Ex

2. Who’s Afraid Of The Amazing Prices Lady?
Seriously, she scares me.

3. Are you shaved?
Purely moralistic discussion. Bwahaha

4. Kissing Boys.
I kissed a boy last night, bitches.

5. Sexy Punishments
Calling all creative lovers!

6. Degrassi Lesbian Porn!
Manny and Darcy could possibly get it on

7. Back Door Woman…
She’s got a boyfriend, and wants me too.

8. MARYKATE&ASHLEY VIDEOS
You know you watched them.

9. Okay, let’s just be perverts…
Don’t click if you can’t handle honesty!

10. PRETEND YOU’RE FROM THE N!
U kan b awzeom in dis thread 4 shizzle

11. Is Nina a closeted Homo?
& how long will this thread survive?

12. Annoying Heterosexual Ex-Girlfriends
God. We even took SHOWERS together!!!

13. Check out my sexy journal layout

14. Tom Lynch… Maybe a little pervey?
Ever crossed your mind?

15. Outside My Window
Connections through the WINDOWPANE

16. HAHAHA. Oh Gabrielle.

17. MAKING A BANNER FOR THE FANBASE
I STILL WANT YOUR PICTURES

26 Dreams Connie in “Voyage From Lesbos” Had About Genitalia, According to Her Doctor

“Voyage From Lesbos” is a fantasy novel written by a doctor about his intimate and intense relationship with Connie, a lesbian who wants to have sex with him and wishes she was straight. JUST KIDDING. It’s techinically a scholarly book by doctor Richard C. Robertiello, M.D., about his patient, Connie, who he attempted to release from the horrifying grips of homosexuality through the magic of psychoanalysis. This mostly involves him interpreting her dreams, which are often about how much she sexually desires Richard C. Robertiello, M.D., her mother’s bad cooking, how much she hates her Dad and how evil her girlfriend is. Also, according to her doctor, they are often about genitalia!

26 Symbols From Connie’s Dreams That Dr. Richard C. Robertiello, M.D., Determined Were Metaphors for Vaginas or Penises:

A towel rack and a hole in the wall

“I dreamed of a towel rack that had been pulled out of the wall, leaving an ugly, gaping hole. The towel rack itself was a beautiful color in contrast to the ugly hole in the wall.”

Curly Black Hair

“I had a dream about a man and woman of the future. I thought they were supermen and very attractive except for the curly black hair on the women.”

A “milk dispenser”

“I dreamed I was in a restaurant where I stole something — perhaps food, but I wasn’t sure. I remembered that somebody had left some valuable gadgets in the restaurant that were like milk-dispensers… the gadget didn’t work too well but I thought she could get it to work.”

A pocketbook

“I’d forgotten my pocketbook. I was rushing back to get it. I had left a wallet full of money in it. Then I went away for a week on vacation without having found it, and I was frantically worried about where I left it all the time that I was gone. When I found it, it was in front of the house where I was born. I had left it outside so that anyone could come along and grab it.”

A stove

“I had tried to light a stove, but was unable to do so.”

A Big Fish

“A big fish was swimming in the water. He was a big bully and scared everyone.”

A Prong Stuck On a Penny

“I had a penny with a prong on it stuck in me and it was mutilating me.”

Turnips

“We had to eat, but we couldn’t find a place to eat. Then someone in the dream mentioned picking up turnips.”

Indoor Plumbing (again)

“I was on vacation with two gay girls. We had to go to the bathroom, but the bathrooms were either too dirty or else the plumbing was defective.”

A New Red Car

“I got a new red car. I parked it in the middle of God knows where. I was careless about it. When I left, there was a mix-up and some boys stopped me from using it. Then I started to worry about the car being dirty, unkempt, unprotected and uncared for. At one part I thought about parking it in a safe place, but I never got around to it.”

Atomic Bombs

“I was walking in the street. I saw some airplanes and zeppelins flying around. People were talking about dropping bombs. Something indistinguishable dropped from one. I said, My God, the A-bomb or the H-bomb. I lay face down in the street. I was sort of resigned. I said, I hope it comes and I can get it over with quickly.”

A Snake

“It was like a toy snake. It was very long and thin like a rope. It had red eyes. I treated it like a plaything. I said, isn’t it cute? People thought I was crazy. The snake seemed to be performing for people to notice it, like a child. Then I remember I was in a crowded bar. There were a lot of unsavory gay girls around. The snake had the proportions of a rope. A rope is something that would tie me down or strangle me. The women at the bar were big and strapping. The snake was immature. It’s supposed to be the other way around.”

Indoor Plumbing (again)

“The plumbing in my apartment was all disordered.”

Gun in a drawer

“I opened up a drawer and found a gun in it. I think my father expected it to go off and kill me or else it was incriminating evidence that I had killed somebody else.”

Nose and Hypodermic Needle

“I had a cold. I was trying to get some drops for my nose from the pharmacist. He was explaining how to use a hypodermic needle as a dropper.”

A Piano Bench

“A man from work was sitting on my piano bench and leaving stains on it. I tried to tell him tactfully not to do it, but he didn’t seem to care whether he spoiled it or not. Then I got pregnant.”

A Butter Knife

“I was walking down the street with [my girlfriend] Liz and another girl. [My ex] Alice was behind us with some other gay girls. She was waving a butter knife around. I wasn’t afraid of the knife.”

Hairspray

“I was looking for hairspray to keep my hair in place but I couldn’t find it.”

Her Pocketbook (Again)

“I dreamt I misplaced my pocketbook. When I turned around to retrieve it, I noticed a gay girl had run off with it.”

A drill and holes

“She and Princess Margaret were drilling or punching holes in blocks of wood as holders for candles. Connie remembered trying to fit two candles into holes and not succeeding. Princess Margaret asked, “What the hell are you doing here?” implying she was royalty and Connie was nothing.”

A candle

“I caught the head of an outdoor camp trying to light a candle in a glass case. She wasn’t supposed to light the wick because it was dangerous and might cause a fire.”

A gun (again)

“Some man who was dangerous had a gun. Periodically I was able to get the gun away from him, but he would find it. I tried to hide the gun from him, but I couldn’t seem to manage very well.”

Her appendix

“Liz was performing an operation on me. I wanted Liz to remove my appendix at the same time, but Liz refused, which made me very angry.”

Asparagus

“I was visiting Sue. She also had food prepared for me. She opened the refrigerator where there was some cold food — hors d’oeuvres style. There was some asparagus there and some kind of unknown delicacy. I wasn’t able to eat it. I had to leave. I didn’t want to go there, but the train kept going back to Liz’s home town. I thought it was the wrong station, but the train kept going back there.”

A baby elephant

“There was a baby elephant lose in the building. I was very frightened of it.”

Her pocketbook (again)

“I had lost my pocketbook, but I found it and in it was the exact amount of money to pay for one analytic session.”

30 Book Titles That Sound As Gay As “Tipping The Velvet” But Mostly Aren’t

1. Their Dogs Came with Them – Helena Maria Viramontes

2. Roommates – Erin Leigh

3. The Giver – Lois Lowry

4. Passionate Vegetarian – Crescent Dragonwagon

5. The Long Goodbye – Raymond Chandler

6. Breakfast at Tiffany’s – Truman Capote

7. The Trick is to Keep Breathing – Janice Galloway

8. The Color Purple – Alice Walker

9. The Voyage Out – Virginia Woolf

10. The Power and the Glory – Graham Greene

11. A Lady’s Life in the Rocky Mountains – Isabella L. Bird

12. Franny and Zooey – J.D. Salinger

13. The Rainbow – D.H. Lawrence

14. Millions of Cats – Wanda Gag

15. Cider with Rosie – Laurie Lee

16. Coming Up for Air – George Orwell

17. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen

18. The Book About Blanche and Marie – Per Olov Enquist

19. Sexing the Cherry – Jeanette Winterson

20. The Descent of Man – Charles Darwin

21. The Ladies’ Paradise (Les Rougon-Macquart) – Emile Zola

22. The Leatherstocking Tales – James Fenimore Cooper

23. Letters of Two Brides – Honore de Balzac

24. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Stieg Larsson

25. Fingersmith – Sarah Waters

26. An Abundance of Katherines – John Green

27. Pompeii – Robert Harris

28. Two Caravans – Marina Lewycka

29. Merged – Andrea Speed

30. Farewell, My Subaru – Doug Fine

60 Incredible Titles Of Very Special Lesbian and Bisexual TV Episodes

We’ve been digging deep into television history for many many reasons this week (the fruits of some of our labors exist here and here), and I’ve been struck again and again by how goshdarn clever writers are when they title episodes with Lesbian/bisexual/queer lady content, theme or characters! No seriously… some of these are legit genius. And some of these are… something else. Which shows are they from? Some are shows with queer lady characters and some are shows that only entertained our persuasion for one or two episodes. Figuring out where these titles came from could be a fun game for you to play this weekend!

So below, ripped mercilessly out of context from the TV shows that birthed them, I present 60 titles of queer lady TV episodes from 1976-2016.

1. “Flowers of Evil”

2. “From San Francisco With Love”

3. “The Devil Wears Land’s End”

4. “Significant Others”

5. “Guess Who’s Coming Out to Dinner?”

6. “Spermin’ Herman”

7. “Sex With Pudding”

8. “The Deadlier Sex”

9. “Ladies Choice”

10. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

11. “Trial by Prejudice”

12. “Sugar and Spice”

13. “Wish You Were Queer”

14. “Passion Plundered”

15. “Norm and the Hopeless Case”

16. “Oy Vey, You’re Gay”

17. “Three Girls and a Baby”

18. “Lez be Friends”

19. “Ovulation Day”

20. “The Odds Couple”

21. “Woman to Woman”

22. “I Was a Teenage Lesbian”

23. “He’s a Crowd”

24. “Not Particularly Desperate Housewives”

25. “The One With the Lesbian Wedding”

26. “Rough Housing”

27. “I’ll Show You Mine”

28. “What Women Want”

29. “About Being Gay”

31. “Single Fright Female”

32. “Shorties in Love”

33. “Finger in the Dyke”

34. “Riding Bi-Cycles”

35. “The Wiener, the Bun and the Boob”

36. “Passion Fish”

37. “Bring Down the Hoe”

38. “The Penalty Box”

39. “Suzanne Goes Looking For a Friend”

40. “Lesbians Out Loud”

41. “Free To Be You and Me”

42. “Divine Secrets and the ZBZ Sisterhood”

43. “I Kissed A Girl”

44. “Homecoming Out”

45. “Lt. Jane Doe”

46. “P.C.”

47. “Strap-On”

48. “Girl’s Guide to Dating”

49. “New Moon Rising”

50. “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”

51. “Holy Lesbo Batman!”

52. “Two Girls, One Code”

53. “Lesbian Request Denied”

54. “The Rainy Day Women”

55. “Portraits of Lauren Gray”

56. “Coming and Going”

57. “She’s Got A Habit”

58. “A Very Strange Triangle”

59. “It’s Who You Sleep With”

60. “Looks Like A Lesbian Attack To Me!”

31 Things I’ve Googled In My First Month As a Dog Owner

Hello my name is Riese and I am not a dog person but here I am with a giant dog living right here in my house with me. She’s sitting on a couch next to me right now, chilling, licking her feet, being a dog, smelling like a dog. Sometimes when I’m at my desk, she’s right there, too, full of needs and feelings!

My Mom is allergic to dogs and I was allergic to dogs as a kid so we never had a dog growing up. Then I lived in apartments in cities. Now I live in a house in the country WITH A DOG! My fiancé is very much a dog person. Like a dog can lick her face and she’s like “awww!” whereas I am like A DOG JUST LICKED YOUR FACE. Look, I’m writing a long essay about dogs and I hope you’re all looking forward to it. But man, I have had SO MANY QUESTIONS this month. It’s been such a month!

Listen, I’m one of you people now. Talk to me about your dog things. Here is everything I have googled with the word “dog” in it since this weirdo rescue dog named Fancy came struggle-running into my life after being rescued from a puppy mill where she had been making puppies for 3-5 years. Everything is brand new! For all of us!

1. what tv shows do traumatized dogs like

2. maltif dog

3. mastiff dog

4. why do dogs sleep so much

5. dog afraid of vacuum

6. work from home dog crate okay

7. droopy dog breed

8. do dogs care when i talk to them

9. do dogs know when i sing to them

10. dog rash under chin

11. dog acne

12. dog ate walnut death

13. dog ate one walnut

14. how does a dog act when she is in heat

15. can dogs go down on themselves

16. liquid dog poop

17. how to make my dog chill out

18. how to make our dog stop farting

19. why do people buy dogs from stores

20. what do dogs think about

21. dog vision

22. why do dogs hate mail

23. how to put a harness on a dog

24. how to shampoo a dog

25. how to get rid of dog smell

26. are dogs ever full

27. dog only likes food toys

28. do dogs have night vision

29. do dogs get bored

30. worried my dog thinks i’m boring

31. dog won’t watch tv

29 Excerpts From Super-Cool Comments Left On Mainstream Media Stories About Holland Taylor and Sarah Paulson

Once upon a time (last week) we were 99% positive that Holland Taylor and Sarah Paulson were dating and The Daily Fail noticed and wrote about it (citing us) and then the mainstream media caught on, ET Online allegedly found somebody to confirm it, and the entire mass media had chance to weigh in (not citing us). Something about this pairing, the age difference, and the actresses in it are bringing out some really special responses — some from lesbians, some from straight people, and some from Two and Half Men fandom.

Here are bits from some of those comments, ripped mercilessly out of context for your viewing enjoyment.

1. I would like to see Holland Taylor(Evelyn Harper) with her own comedy show & Conchata Ferrell(Berta)

2. I didn’t know either was gay. I don’t really keep up with that sort of thing. Just TV shows and movies.

3. Holland and Sarah are both such elegant women one can definitely see what they see in each other…I loved Holland in L Word…I can imagine the quintessential New York lifestyle…the theatre, the art galleries

4. “Let’s see how cute it is in 10 or 15 years…”

[same commenter, a few minutes later]

“So many ifs”

5. Holland Taylor, the older lady was the mother on Two and a half Men. She was hilarious on the show!

6. Just wonder what Charlie thinks about it…that would be an interesting 2 1/2 men episode…

7. Don’t use the word GUSHING when talking bout these clam diggers…

8. I’m in shock i mean literally.

9. Shame on those that say their relationship is disgusting. Love is about more than sex. Grow up.

10. They look like mother and daughter. It is their business, of course, but they do not seem that they’d have anything in common.

11. This couple is very cute, but I think I squeed a bit more over Lin-Manuel. Just a weird, ‘me’ personal thing *Sigh* The man is too adorable.

12. I’m jealous. I wanted to date Holland Taylor. But … mazel tov.

13. Lol, gross. One of them is going to die soon.

14. Are they related to Casper the ghost. Yikes!!!!

15. Finally! A contemporary celebrity couple to care about and cheer on. Nice, fun article but… “dating” doesn’t seem the appropriate word for what’s going on between these two. This is a forever kind of love, methinks. A serious, solid, joyful coupling.

16. like wine, the older you get, the tastier you become

17. What!!? You go gurl. Cougar, meow. Love them both.

18. She’s in her seventies. BTW anybody who needs to put down any person with the word ‘yuck’ must have some serious mental issues. So sorry for you not getting any lately but you seriously need some hormones.

19. Who? and Who???

20. Taylor was fantastic as the realtor Mom in Two and a Half Men. Loved her and Bertha’s characters. When her show’s grandson asked her to take him to Disneyland she answered, “No, Dear. Grandmama doesn’t do Anaheim”.

21. “It’s me, Lana Banana”

22. Did you not read the comments on Mary Kate Ashley and her new husband, whatever his name is…

23. They could do it around her real-estate maybe like a camera crew follows her around some time, like Million dollar listing L.A.

24. I think the hardest thing for a young lesbian is getting older women to take interest in you. Sarah Paulson, I bow my hat to you.

25. I may be straight, but I’m totally jealous. SP is an incredible actress and soooo freaking gorgeous! You can feel their happiness; joy is contagious! Warm fuzzies for the rest of the night!

26. I’m sure if it were a 72-year-old dude and a 40-year-old chick, heads would be rolling, but no, in this case it’s ‘cute’ because gay is the new black. Say anything to the contrary then prepare to have your life ruined by George Takei and his minions.

27. Leave them alone. On another note, Holland looks absolutely stunning.

28. She was awesome in Bosom Buddies!!! Remember back when they played the ENTIRE song for the opening credits…. and commercial breaks lasted 60 seconds….

29. my neighbor’s mother-in-law Jane A. Flynn makes $63 every hour on the laptop . She has been out of work for 7 months but last month her pay check was $16646 just working on the laptop for a few hours. hop over to this web-site….

51 Of The Most Important Things You’ve Ever Fought About

Over 3,500 people filled out our survey on fighting in same-sex relationships between women, and earlier this week we produced an impressive infographic and the data on what you fight about most often. For some reason “which was a better series: Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter” did not show up on that list. That’s what this list is for. Culled from your answers about “the stupidest thing you’ve ever fought about.”

51 Most Important Things You’ve Ever Fought About

1. She thought the best version of “Such Great Heights” was the one by The Postal Service when obviously it’s the one by Iron & Wine

2. I capitalized the dog’s name in text messages but not the cats

3. I woke her up at 2 AM to ask if she thought toasters have souls

4. Who was more popular in high school

5. How to paint a picture of a park

6. Whether or not the screen ratio on our Netflix account had changed with the most recent software update (it did).

7. Whether Rose was a better companion than Martha (no)

8. Which was a better series: Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter

9. Whether Rocky Horror is better than Titanic. I slept on the couch for three days, and still hold that Rocky Horror is a much better movie.

10. That she wouldn’t budge from the fact that she thought no one would ever be stupid enough to try to be Batman (be very rich and become a superhero using gadgets). I thought that it would be inevitable.

11. How many alien creatures (in a movie) could fit in a human body

12. I didn’t tag her in an Instagram photo THAT SHE WASN’T EVEN IN.

13. Which of our astrological sun signs is more of a bitch

14. Mario Kart

15. Kraft Singles

16. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde

17. Whether “mindfulness” is just being used as a buzzword now

18. Whether the Royal Family is really that well know outside of the U.K.

19. The merit of Bon Iver

20. I wanted to take her cat for a walk on a leash

21. The content of a meeting neither of us were at

22. What actor played the mean clown in Air Bud

23. Whether I would hypothetically take a snow day from work if it occurred. (The fight happened in July.)

24. If the comic book make-up tuturials were real or technologically enhanced

25. She made me feel weird about drinking milk with breakfast

26. Are leggings pants

27. I forgot Chapstick at home on the way to the grocery store and she didn’t have any either

28. I refused to eat at Guy Fieri’s restaurant

29. She wanted me to go get her cookies and instead of asking me directly to do it, she hinted at it. Then she got mad that I didn’t pick up on the hint.

30. We both identify as Ravenclaws, but she says I’m a Hufflepuff and I say she’s a Gryffindor

31. The difference between fried dough and funnel cake. THEY’RE NOT THE SAME THING!

32. Whether or not she could take in a wounded raccoon and raise it as a pet

33. I wanted two tortoises in the future but she said we could only adopt one

34. If someone’s favorite color could be orange. (it was my favorite color but apparently I can’t like the color orange because it’s no one’s favorite color…)

35. Whether I could buy a pair of pants while she was buying bras

36. I have a badass pair of boots that I’m not allowed to wear because boots are her thing, apparently.

37. Who gets to wear the stripes in the outfit: I have a thing about matching and have proposed a 75/25 balance in her favor, while she wants them 100% of the time.

38. If this old shirt of hers was pink, salmon, or coral

39. What the snapchat ghost looks like.

40. Someone else’s haircut

41. We fought about if fruit is a carb until it got so heated I had to cry in the bathroom

42. I don’t like the word “yummy” and she uses it a lot

43. Whether you could put on more than the actual weight of a chocolate bar by eating the chocolate bar.

44. Whether city streets in Chicago are built with a curve to encourage rain water to go into the gutter.

45. Whether I use the phrase “blue filter” too often when we talk about movies.

46. Whether or not we would gift our future hypothetical child a swiss army knife and at what age it would be appropriate

47. I said “my school didn’t have a teacher’s lounge” and she really, really, really didn’t believe that.

48. The true plot of the movie Avatar

49. One time we went to a communism themed party and I accidentally said something mean to her and it hurt her feelings really bad and we didn’t talk for like the whole weekend but I’m not sure what I said, to this day

50. She wouldn’t let me suck her eyeball

51. I can’t even remember but I started it and definitely cried

26 Fantastic Excerpts From Your Coming Out Stories

National Coming Out Day is this weekend, and in the past, we’ve often celebrated with Coming Out Day Open Threads or similar posts where we encourage you to share your coming out stories (if you have them — it’s obviously not possible or simple for a lot of us to come out to various people in our lives). In 2011, we put together a listling containing excerpts from the stories you told us in 2010, but since then there has been no new listling despite you sharing so many new stories with so many special tidbits on newer Coming Out Day Posts. So, here we have a listling containing excerpts ripped mercilessly out of context from coming out stories you shared with us on other Coming Out Day posts including the 2012 coming out open thread. We’re just trying to get you all geared up for a holiday that either means “a lot,” a “little bit” or “nothing at all” to you! You do you!

1. I helped my mother come out to strangers at the grocery store when I was five: “This is my cereal and these are my bagels and these are my moms they’re lesbians.”

2. True story: I came out to my parents on my way to an Ani DiFranco concert. Yep.

3. We started yelling at each other and he finally bursts out, “Why do I care if gay people can get married?! That doesn’t pertain to me!” and I immediately yelled back, “BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GAY DAUGHTER!”

4. Then my mom told me she had slept with a girl before. And that she thought Halle Berry was hot.

5. I was sobbing continuously and finally blurted “I’m gay!” and then Skype, wonderful technology that it is, DROPPED THE CALL. Bam! “I’m Gay!” HANG UP!

6. Then I told them that I’m a vegetarian. They took that much harder.

7. I came out to my Dad on the driveway of my student house while waiting for the Landlady to show up with the keys thinking that this would get it out of the way and moving my stuff in would be a distraction. She was an hour late.

8. Me: Dad, I’m dating a girl.
Dad: That’s fine. We just want you to be happy. What’s she like?
Me: Oh, she’s great.
Dad: Where does she live?
Me: On the South Side, by Midway.
Dad: So she’s a Sox fan?
Me: Yep, she’s a Sox fan.
Dad: [sighs, shakes head]

9. Hi facebook friends! How are you all so far today? I just wanted to take the time to tell you that I’m a lesbian. I’ve been trying to tell everyone for a while now but I am a social recluse who refuses to wear anything but pajamas 24/7, so that has hindered my progress.

10. I don’t know if you know this, but, um…roller girls have really nice butts. That they like to show off in shiny spandex booty shorts.

11. I assumed that since I didn’t like boys AT ALL I’d just grow old alone and own a lot of cats.

12. My brother advised me to tell him I support gun control first, then slip in “haha also I’m a lesbian” to ease the shock a little. But I just wanted to come out, not give the man a heart attack.

13. I finally admitted it to myself when I was 19, sitting in my car in a Trader Joes’ parking lot. I will always think fondly of Trader Joe’s because of this. And because of those chocolate cat cookies.

14. My mum tried to say it was just a phase. So I emblazoned CUNT on a denim jacket, shaved half my head and ended every conversation about any girl ‘fuck but she’s so hot’ till she got the message.

15. I told my best friend I had something to tell her and promptly started giggling because I laugh A LOT when I’m uncomfortable. One of my friends, knowing where this was going, decided to make it easier for me so he screamed “HEY KELLY. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT?”

16. I cut all my hair off and told everybody to shut up if they asked about it for like three years, then I went to A-Camp and wouldn’t shut up at all ever anymore

17. The week after my coming out, my mum brought over a cupboard that used to belong to my grandma. As we were installing it in my living room, halfway done, I said that it was big enough to fit me. Upon which my mum said dryly: I thought you just came out of the closet.

18. A week later my Mom called me to ask who my first official girlfriend has been. I told her, then heard her yell over her shoulder “You owe me $5!” Apparently she had a bet running with my step-dad over which of my “best friends” had been my first love interest.

19. She was BBQing and I had poured both of us huge glasses of wine knowing what I was about to do. I just kinda came right out with it. She almost burned the steak!

20. Me: “Fraser, I have something to tell you. I’m gay.”
Him: *awkward silence* “right. How d’you mean?”
Me: “…uum, I’m a lesbian, Fraser. I like girls.”
Him: “O-okay. Like Roxie Richter?”
Me: ” *sigh* Yes, Fraser. Like Roxie Richter.”

21. My Dad finished his cigarette and said “Ok I still love you. Now go into mass, do your confirmation and for Christ’s sake don’t tell your Granny.”

22. Mom: does this mean you are going to cut off all your hair and start dressing like a boy?
Me: no mom
Mom: ok good because I just dont get that
Me: I get it and I think its hot
Mom: (awkward silence)

23. I laugh when I’m really nervous so when I came out to one of my friends she told me something like “get the fuck off my bed.” She wasn’t mad that I’m gay, she just thought I was going to wet my pants on her bed.

24. My Mum’s opinion on a particular set of frames that I was trying on while eyeglass shopping was, “Well, you don’t want people to think that you’re a lesbian.” I just replied (surprising myself, I hadn’t intended to come out) was “but I am.”

25. See my entire life, my dad was a southern pentecostal fire-and-brimstone preacher. I just didn’t think it was worth losing them over… then [I came out] and the unthinkable happened, they chose me! My dad stopped preaching and started a new career. You guys, sometimes this happens too! You really never can tell. Seriously.

26. “In conclusion, thank you Canadian Queer Recording Artists.”

82 Silly Household Things You Fought About With Your Girlfriend

Over 3,500 people filled out our survey on fighting in lesbian relationships, and we’re crunching the data currently to unleash a glorious bundle of posts about your hang-ups and blow-outs and relationship issues. In the meantime, we’ll be publishing more fun lists to make us all feel normal for fighting about the dishes all the time. Seriously, y’all had a lot of things to say about dish-washing in this survey.  Only 20% of co-habitating people never fight about housework, and 21% of co-habitants fight about housework often or constantly.

We asked “what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever fought about?” and a great deal of your responses were related to things around the house. Here are just some of the many crucial issues tearing our love to pieces, ripped mercilessly out of context (e.g., if you provided an analysis of how the fight was resolved, that bit might not be included below) and presented here for your enjoyment.

82 Of the Stupidest Domestic-Related Things You Fought About

1. I borrowed her hair scrunchie without asking. And her eyeliner.

2. Who had to call AT&T to get the internet fixed

3. I kept finishing off the chocolate bars that were in the cupboard

4. Someone had eaten the last of ice cream and I didn’t have any but once

5. She finished the yoghurt dip without sharing

6. She thought I’d eaten the last of the cheese and became unreasonably angry! As we were arguing, she accidentally trapped my hand in her knee-pit. I didn’t want to make her more upset, so I tried to slowly ease my hand out. It made her laugh so hard she peed on me!

7. Apparently I was supposed to bring home cheese doodles. HOW DARE I FORGET?!

8. She put bell pepper in a pot at the wrong point for a recipe we were making together

9. How to make meatloaf

10. How to melt chocolate for Christmas candy

11. How to bake potatoes (microwave vs oven)

12. How much ice to put in a cup

13. Not cooking fajitas the “right” way

14. Whether to boil the corn or eat it raw

15. If she boiled the water correctly for the mac’n’cheese

16. Whether or not you should add salt to food

17. Whether to add garlic to a pesto dish

18. Buying pre-made lasagne sauce, then not buying it, then buying the wrong one

19. How much effort it took to make a grilled cheese sandwich vs. putting pre-cooked chili ingredients into the crock pot.

20. Whether or not home cooked ‘fusion’ in both our heritage food cultures is appropriative (e.g. “Gouda in polenta?” Answer: it’s a no go, “Kimchi in leftover pasta?” Hell yes.)

21. Whether or not it is really necessary that we always brush our teeth together.

22. I painted a room and got paint on the light switch cover

23. I forgot to put a glass under the spout of a juicer before beginning to juice, and got beet juice on the counter

24. Who lost the cheese grater and thereby prevented us both from enjoying Parmesan covered pasta

25. One time I opened a new packet of IKEA straws and threw the packet away. My partner wanted them to stay in the packet.

26. She left the bathmat wet/damp on purpose because she knows I hate it. It was horrifying.

27. Leaving water glasses all over the house

28. Which setting on the dishwasher is the best one to use

29. The fact that she refuses to wring out the sponge after doing dishes

30. She puts her cup beside the sink rather than IN the sink

31. Having the tap open while washing dishes. I say the water is wasted, she says it’s worst if we close it and turn it on again.

32. If Frito Pie is an actual meal.

33. Why I can’t have steak every day for dinner.

34. Cereal. (She shouldn’t eat it. It has too much refined sugar.)

35. Filling the Brita filter

36. When clothes are dirty enough to go in the hamper

37. How many blankets should be on the bed

38. Who stole the blanket

39. If it’s too cold running the AC at 63 degrees

40. The ambient temperature we’d like to have in the apartment/whether it’s ok to leave the bathroom window open in the winter. All winter. 24/7.

41. I locked myself in the bathroom because she kept telling me I wasn’t cleaning the toilet the right way

42. Our very first fight was about how I was cleaning the electric waffle iron incorrectly.

43. I threw a waffle

44. I bought a type of shampoo I like instead of the shampoo that was on sale

45. If I was wasting money buying a sandwich instead of sandwich ingredients

46. Whether or not we’d get a landline in our future house. I ended up crying.

47. Using a towel to clean up cat pee

48. Me lying down on the bed for five minutes before I started to clean

49. My swiffering technique.

50. Whether to get a poster of David Bowie for our fictional workspace/studio

51. I didn’t want our pillows to be purple. PURPLE.

52. I told her the bathroom designed by her mother is too brown for me and I don’t want the same at home.

53. Where to put the doormat

54. Hypothetical spoons

55. I was making this giant cauldron of mashed potatoes (MY FAVORITE) and when I poured the milk in it was ROTTEN. All over my lovely potatoes.

56. She insisted on padlocking the garage door shut every time we drove somewhere

57. Closing windows loudly

58. I was sitting in the chair she wanted to sit in

59. A goddamn IKEA Förhöja kitchen island. Bloody IKEA.

60. The tone in which she asked me for help lifting a piece of IKEA furniture “up” while we we were putting it together.

61. A 30-min fight entirely in whispers on an IKEA bed display about what kind of bed to get

62. She was buying Starbucks mugs online behind my back

63. One person accidentally dyed the other’s nice white blouse pink by throwing it into a load of colored laundry

64. Why she had a stack of clothes on the dresser instead of hanging them up

65. How to change the bag in the vacuum cleaner

66. How to fold a towel correctly

67. How to properly get the toothpaste out of the tube (screw top or flip top)

68. Whether or not it was possible to paint a refrigerator hot pink

69. Whether certain items of crockery qualify as “deep plates” or “shallow bowls”

70. Whether or not a Roomba would actually vacuum cat hair

71. Whether she can call a flipper a spatula ( It’s a flipper)

72. A missing pair of shorts which she found while we were arguing

73. I stirred the pot (literally, not a euphemism here) when she had just done that.

74. She thought I was insulting her chicken by asking her to cook it well done.

75. She tried to make a custard and it failed terribly and tasted like seawater sludge

76. I want to get a bigger bed and she doesn’t!!!

77. Buying a baby pool for my adult self

78. I thought that she’d used expensive whiskey that was a souvenir to bake into a cake…

79. She wanted to adopt a cat, but we couldn’t because it was clearly stated “no pets” on our lease. She was mad at me because *I* wouldn’t let her adopt a cat.

80. Who was going to feed the pig

81. Whether or not we could keep a foster dog when only one of us was working and I was really sick and couldn’t help take care of it, plus it kept trying to eat our pet rabbit

82. The proper way to marinate filet mignon — there was yelling, things were thrown across the room, a shelf was knocked off a wall, both of us stormed out of the house. Never have we had a fight surpass the great steak marinade fight of our first year together (14 years ago). (Yes we eventually made the steak for dinner but I don’t remember who’s marinade we ended up using.)

43 Of The Gayest Things You’ve Fought About With Your Girlfriend

Already nearly 3,000 people have filled out our fight club survey, which means we’re gonna have tons of interesting data for y’all. If you’re a woman of any sexual orientation dating another woman of any sexual orientation then you should definitely fill it out, it’ll be open ’til the end of the weekend.

But already so many of the answers to “what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever fought about?” are just too golden to withhold.  So let’s get a preview of just how special everybody is with an intro listling: sentences ripped mercilessly out of context from the answers to our question about your stupidest fight. The gay ones.

43 Of The Gayest Things You’ve Fought About

1. She was reading Harry Potter fanfic instead of wanting to have sex with me

2. The possible growth in popularity of women’s soccer in the U.S.

3. Who the cat loves more.

4. Putting together an IKEA bed frame

5. Fucking IKEA, man. I can’t even remember why but I remember just leaving her in the middle of the store for some reason.

6. When I said that men are terrible and not worth the work of rehabilitation.

7. The tone of voice I used to ask her to go down on me

8. I asked if she wanted to watch a Hannah Hart video and didn’t listen to the answer

9. Whether or not David Bowie’s hair in Labyrinth was a wig

10. My partner wore the pasties I wanted to wear for Pride

11. The colour of our future cat (WHICH NEEDS TO BE BLACK BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY COLOUR I WEAR).

12. I showed her the film version of “Rent” and she hated it so much that we didn’t even get through “Take Me Or Leave Me.”

13. Probably Pretty Little Liars (looking at you, Heather Hogan)

14. She got jealous when I said that Ruby Rose “wasn’t ugly”

15. Who liked Melanie Martinez first.

16. Judith Frank’s novel “Crybaby Butch”

17. Whether or not “The Object of My Affection,” starring Jennifer Aniston, is “a feminist film”

18. Whether or not selfie culture upholds or demolishes the patriarchy

19. The feasibility of being Xena Warrior Princess when we grow up

20. How remembralls in Harry Potter work – and we still disagree about whether there has to be a logical, believable (but magical, obvs.) explanation for how remembralls work, or whether they just work because they work.

21. Cause of moon phases (she was right)

22. The quality of an Orca documentary

23. She felt I was too excited when Ellen Page came out. She had a point, I was fucking thrilled.

24. Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass”

25. Shonda Rhimes

26. Bernie Sanders (I’m a Hillary-enthusiast)

27. Whether or not Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” is a good song

28. Virginia Woolf, but I stand by that one.

29. Whether or not bisexuals exist. Hello, I’m bisexual!

30. Whether “introvert” is a valid and unique identification.

31. The word “dyke”

32. Why I fold polo shirts instead of hanging them

33. Whether or not pants are a gendered item of clothing

34. Who’s job it is to take the CSA box to the car

35. Whether to buy organic peanut butter or Jif

36. I dropped my veggie burger on the floor and wouldn’t let my girlfriend share hers with me because I wanted my own

37. An armpit hair. She didn’t want to let me just peek at a really long one.

38. My partner assumed that because I’m the one who carries a purse, she could always put things in it

39. Who would get to wear what costume for a group costume at DragonCon the next year

40. A random girl at a party was wearing a similar vest as my girlfriend

41. “You’re prettier than me!” “No way, you’re prettier than me!”

42. A list on Autostraddle

43. THIS SURVEY, RIGHT NOW

22 Hilarious Excerpts From Scathing Reviews of “Stonewall”

Much to nobody’s surprise (especially that of the activists who were actually there), Stonewall has not fared well after its debut at the Toronto Film Festival. Here are just some of the many metaphors, comparisons and other delightful bits of wordsmithery that we can enjoy together instead of enjoying the movie.

1. “[Stonewall] slaps you in the face like a sodden cloth, over and over again.” (the daily beast)

2. “It’s so clumsy in its execution that it feels like someone set up an ornate chess set and then just smashed a watermelon on it.” (uproxx)

3. “Stonewall couldn’t be more whitewashed than if it was doused in Clorox Bleach and thrown into the laundry three times over.” (the heights)

4. “Stonewall has the opportunity to tell the story of a profound, pivotal moment in the history of gay rights in this country, and it not only fumbles it, it trips over it, then falls off a cliff, then sets itself on fire. ” (deadspin)

5. “[The] production design makes late 1960s Christopher Street look like Sesame Street.” (vanity fair)

6. “…often looks as if it was shot on the set of an old Janet Jackson music video.” (santa cruz sentinel)

7. “Ray leads a ragtag gang of street hustlers that look like a scruffy chorus line from an off-Broadway production.” (citybeat)

8. “When the group is sitting outside on a stoop, it all looks too staged, as if they are waiting to break into a song from Rent.” (nola)

9. “… it should be called “Independence Gay.” (vanity fair)

10. “…a gay Forrest Gump.” (uproxx)

11. “You get more of a sense of what it’s like to visit SeaWorld in the notoriously abysmal Jaws 3D than you do what it was like to patronize Stonewall in Stonewall. Stonewall teaches you about as much about being gay as the Aristocats taught you about being an aristocrat.” (defamer)

12. “Having Danny throw the first brick at the Stonewall riots is a bit like when Marty McFly goes back in time and steals rock ‘n’ roll from Chuck Berry, taking history away from the real participants.” (uproxx)

13. “[Danny screams] ‘Gay power!’ as though he’d just been stabbed with a high-dosage EpiPen.” (the a.v. club)

14. “You seriously watch Danny get off the bus and gape up at all those tall buildings while clutching his suitcase—acting less like an authentic representation of late-’60s gay culture, and more like a Newsies extra.” (deadspin)

15. “As if Selma had focused a fictional white liberal character instead of Martin Luther King, Jr.” (the wrap)

16. “Like saying that Rosa Parks was a tired lady who decided she’d rather rest her feet.” (salon)

17. “…the actually-gay Jonny Beauchamp lisps and screeches his way through his role like a straight high-schooler trying on homosexuality for a school play.” (indiewire)

18. “Stonewall plays like a William Inge knockoff, right down to the bookish, progressive little sister straight out of “Picnic.” (chicago tribune)

19. “Danny’s unflaggingly tolerant kid sister is an absolute nightmare… her every cloying message of total support like a rusty nail driven directly into the frontal lobe.” (indiewire)

20. “[The film] ends on a falsely contemporary note, as though it were a PSA for the It Gets Better campaign.” (vulture)

21. “Somehow, director Roland Emmerich has made a movie even less historically accurate than 10,000 BC, the one depicting Egyptian-style pyramids being constructed with the help of woolly mammoths.” (news-observer)

22. “…about as realistic as Godzilla’s radioactive flame breath.” (star tribune)

23 Extra-Special Things You Wanted Us To Know About You On Our Autostraddle Grown-Ups Survey

A few months back we put together a survey for “Grown-Ups,” which we defined as readers 29 years or older, and over 4,000 Straddlers filled it out! Although we’re proud of all the work we do for younger ‘Straddlers and will continue to do so forevermore, a lot of us are getting older and want (at least some of) the site to grow up with us. We shared some of the data from the survey in our roundtable about what it means to be a queer adult, and I’m assembling the rest for some more posts this week and next. But in the meantime, I discovered a treasure trove in the “Any other comments or things you would like us to know?” section and it would be awful for me not to share these wise words of wisdom with you.

1. I like cats. Like, a lot. Kind of obsessive, actually.

2. I first realized I was not straight thanks to super-young Hilary Swank in The Next Karate Kid. Thanks Hilary!

3. Chinese food containers can be unfolded and used as plates.

4. The woman I just started seeing came out last year and is my age. She has been married twice. She was reading your guide to lesbian sex for the first time when I talked to her last. I’ll let you know how that works out.

5. There are many gay women in our 30s in Phoenix. I know many. I went on a date with Laneia once.

6. The Midwest is not a bunch of intolerant country bumpkins.

7. I don’t like how television waters down what it is like to be a lesbian. There are no hot babes like that in real life.

8. I was born and raised in Stockton, California, which has twice had the distinction of being named “America’s Most Miserable City” by Forbes.

9. Aren’t you guys DYING to see Ellen Page dating someone cute?? I want to find her her soul mate.

10. Um yeah keep existing because thank you. I love you. Even though I love my best friend the most of all and just want everyone to know that because she’s amazing and I’m in love. Um bye.

11. Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor’s open and vocal support of the LGBT community during Xena really helped me when I later came out. I would read and listen to their interviews in LGBT media and I had a lot of exposure to positive representations of us before I realized I was gay. They get a lot of heat because Xena was all subtext but they have always been supportive and they spoke out at the same time that Ellen was being blacklisted. I dunno… I just feel like they get overlooked sometimes. They still support us, the 20th and final Xena con was last weekend and they were there. This could be totally not what you were talking about but oh well.

12. I am secretly in love with Riese and Heather Hogan <3

13. I like dogs more than people.

14. This was not a fun survey. You should have disclosure at the top saying “this will make you feel worse about your life than you did at the beginning…”

15. My dad let me watch “Even Cowgirls Get the Blues” when I was 11. The first queer character I knew was Bonanza Jellybean and I’ve been chasing skirt ever since.

16. I’m pretty happy at 62.

17. oh my god I’m so glad I never have to be in my twenties again

18. I played Tonya Harding an an elementary school Christmas play once!

19. Sex changes with age… it gets better!

20. My first job after university at 22 was working in a library with an older lesbian who had a long term partner and two kids. Knowing her and talking to her about stuff for four years when I was a young person was actually incredibly affirming and helpful cus I’d never had a real life older lesbian role model before. Just knowing that she had some kids, home schooled them, had a parter, still participated in the queer scene, wrote short stories and poetry, and generally kept on being a grown up without losing her queer identity was important. I hope other young queers find someone like that. I remember her saying on the bus home once that she felt sorry for straight women sometimes in that their lives were so mapped out and it was hard to break away from the husband/house/kids pattern, whereas queers didn’t have a choice in not following that path which could be incredibly freeing, even if you ended up choosing a traditional life path it was still an active choice. That kind of made me feel more positive about being queer than anything else before it.

21. Take That was the best boyband ever and yet Nick Carter was the only boy I ever lusted after (probably because he looked like a girl and – hormones), but then Christina Aguilera happened and the rest is herstory.

22. I come to this website everyday. I am closeted as all hell in my daily life. I’m probably going to implode. Is that the kind of thing you want to know?

23.  I am always tricked into clicking on the Get Baked column thinking it’s not about baking. I never learn.