“On the Road” Stills Provide Opportunity to Admire Kristen Stewart, Pre-Judge

by Dodai Stewart

The thing about turning iconic American literary work into a movie is that there’s no way the folks on screen are going to look like who readers pictured in their heads. So the new On The Road stills are jarring.

On The Road, written by Jack Kerouac in 1951, and published by Viking Press in 1957, has been called “The novel that defined a generation.” The film version stars Garrett Hedlund as Dean Moriarty and Kristen Stewart as Marylou. (See more images here.)

Now Kristen Stewart, to her credit, does not look like a miserable vampire-loving mopey girl from Forks in these stills. She looks happy. Ready to explore America! Still, I just pictured Marylou different, somehow.

Here’s what Keroauc writes about Marylou on page two of the Penguin Books edition of On The Road (which I plucked from my bookshelf):

Marylou was a pretty blonde with immense ringlets of hair like a sea of golden tresses; she sat there on the edge of the couch with her hands hanging in her lap and her smoky blue country eyes fixed in a wide stare because she was in an evil gray New York pad that she’d heard about back West, and waiting like a longbodied emaciated Modigliani surrealist woman in a serious room. But, outside of being a sweet little girl, she was awfully dumb and capable of doing horrible things.

Okay, it’s not like you actually expect the filmmakers to cast some one who looks like a Modigliani surrealist woman. And when I first read this book, I didn’t even know what that meant, I only knew that these characters were wild wanderers from a different era. I pictured them looking like hippies, even though that’s all wrong. I thought Marylou was basically Janis from the Muppets, and I thought Dean Moriarity looked like Frank Zappa. I realize this makes no sense but I was 15 and still figuring stuff out. But books do that: The words create a blueprint and your mind colors it in. I also pictured Sal Paradise looking like Sal Mineo.

In any case, Garrett Hedlund actually lines up fairly well with Kerouac’s description of Dean:

My first impression of Dean was of a young Gene Autry — trim, thin-hipped, blue-eyed, with a real Oklahoma accent — a side-burned hero of the snowy West.

Trying to do justice to such a famous book is a really tough assignment, and no doubt some people will be furious that the “chick from Twilight” is involved. (One blogger said the main shot of Dean and Marylou, at the top of this page, looks like “a picture out of an Urban Outfitters catalog.”) But if anyone can make it work, director Walter Salles — who’s best known for another truly beautiful road picture, The Motorcycle Diaries — probably can. Fingers crossed.

+

By Dodai Stewart, originally published on Jezebel. Republished WITH PERMISSION MOTHERF*CKERS.

Twilight Eclipse Totally Eclipsed Team Bella’s Hearts: Movie Review

Tonight we attended the midnight screening of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, which was about Kristen Stewart, Seattle, the solar system, the importance of abstinence, and boys who can’t keep their shirts on/can’t take their shirts off. This is what we thought about it!

OH AND SPOILER ALERTS

Stef, Autostraddle Music Writer

Twilight Experience: Has seen all the movies, read all the books.

Feelings: NIKKI REED, HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN. You were so good in Thirteen! I thought you understood teen angst! Then all this shit happened.

I saw the first movie with zero Twilight experience, thought it was hilarious, and read the books. They were HORRIBLE AND OFFENSIVE AND TERRIBLY WRITTEN AND I HATED THEM but i couldn’t put them down and literally BROKE INTO A FRIEND’S HOUSE trying to find the fourth book.

The second movie was predictably hilarious. The third movie was impossibly worse than the first two movies combined, with lots of awkward moments and heated dialogue and Jacob with his shirt off for no good reason. We were the only people in the theatre not wearing “I <3 Boys Who Sparkle” or “Team Edward (until Jacob takes his shirt off)” t-shirts.

We felt strongly that Kristen Stewart was missing Dakota Fanning’s tender embrace during the make-out scenes. We also felt strongly about Alice being super cute.

We felt very confused about Jasper suddenly being a southern gentleman. When Bella was basically begging Edward to stick it in and he was talking about how he’s a real gentleman who would love to properly court her and ask her father for her hand, I kept yelling “JUST THE TIP!”

In short, I totally fucking hated this movie, especially since it’s based on a book where nothing happens, but at least Eclipse was full of feelings. can’t wait for the fourth movie, where (SPOILERZ) they finally do it. Nobody goes to these movies because they’re well-written, or well acted.

We go because Kristen Stewart looks good in a hoodie.

Executive Editor Laneia:

Twilight Experience: Read all the books, saw all the movies, has strong feelings for Kristen Stewart.

Feelings: Having already read Eclipse, my greatest concern regarding this movie was how much Riese would fucking hate it. It’s the most anti-feminist of the four books, sprinkled with all sorts of (what I perceived to be) Mormon propaganda and shockingly rapey / misogynist behavior from both of the male leads. Also, even in the book, nothing worth a damn happened, aside from all the near-rape and emotional abuse.

Yeah I know, it’s a just a book. I KNOW, YOU GUYS. And I really enjoyed the other three in a terrible/awesome way! But hey guess what, books actually do affect generations of people, which can sometimes (like this time) be HORRIFYING! Wheee!

Eclipse made me stabby when I read it and, even with the edge-softening sake and 40 oz. can of Budweiser that Crystal picked up for me while she was buying cookies, the movie version was only mildly less stupid. They toned down the rapey Jacob moments and pared down the manipulative, controlling Edward moments, so kudos to you, Melissa Rosenberg!

Unfortunately, someone also forgot to make it interesting? Or like, good? Twilight was for the fans, New Moon was a nice little blockbuster, and Eclipse was similar to SOMETHING I NEVER FUCKING WANT TO BUY ON DVD. I mean, do you see what I’m saying? New Moon makes me want to curl up in bed and check out of the world. Eclipse makes me want to watch Dirty Dancing instead.

Oh hey, but at least K-Stew was cute, despite her over-groomed eyebrows. Know who else was in it? Dakota Fanning. You should just watch The Runaways and call it a night.

Crystal, Music Editor

Twilight experience: Loves the hell out the films and has a major crush on K-Stew

My feelings about Twilight:

1. It was fucking terrible. Not terrible/awesome like the first two films, which I really enjoyed. This was just plain terrible.

2. I feel like all Edward, Bella and Jacob repeated the same conversation 18 times during the movie. But they didn’t have the decency to rephrase their arguments / pretend like there was progress.

3. Did they really think no-one was going to notice that Victoria was being played by a totally different actress from the last film? Because I noticed.

4. My favourite part in the entire film was when Edward rejected Bella’s advances and the girl sitting next to me shouted “JACOB WOULD HAVE RAVAGED THAT FINE ASS!”

5. I think if Bella is going to ‘turn’ for anyone in this movie then it should be Alice, or maybe that new hot lady werewolf who didn’t get nearly enough screen time.

6. I am unable to separate Kristen Stewart and her character Bella. Therefore if Bella gets married and turns into a vampire for Edward then I predict these events will end my all consuming crush on Kristen Stewart and therefore my own desire for mortality.

7. Kristen Stewart seemed a little more straight in this movie, compared to the last. Maybe it’s because she spent 3 hours talking about marriage, I dunno.

8. Regardless, TEAM BELLA.

Alex Vega, Design Director

Twilight Experience: Has seen both Twilight Movies, wants to bone Kristen Stewart.

Feelings: Most of my feelings about this goddamn movie were expressed via facial expressions, violent hand gestures, and verbal public outbursts while exiting the theater.

So um, basically I’d like to just re-watch “New Moon” (the second Twilight movie) over and over again until I forget the scars left by “Eclipse”.

Am I being dramatic? Maybe. But I know what to expect from a Twilight movie and this did not cut it, in at least fifty different ways! Like, what happened guys! I wanted “terrible/AWESOME” and all we got was painfully terrible. I am upset. Team Bella forevs.

Editor-in-Chief Riese:

Twilight Experience: Saw the first film, has had special feelings towards K-Stew since Safety of Objects.

Feelings: Like most elements of pop culture, I decided how I felt about this movie back when I first read an article about Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” book series in bitch magazine. Bitch Magazine told me: “The Twilight series has created a surprising new sub-genre of teen romance: It’s abstinence porn, sensational, erotic, and titillating.” In other words, Stephanie Meyer THE MORMON wants to brainwash teenage girls into abstaining from one of life’s few glorious pleasures: the joy & awkwardness of premarital high school sex. Because you know, it might make Edward Cullen get all glowy or whatevs. Killing something something.

I saw the first film on TV ’cause it was on and I figured it’d be a good opp to see what I’m already so pre-judgey about before I keep judging it. Twilight was super cool looking but also holy shit Jake-dances-with-wolves’ hair was a hot mess and Cullen was totally controlling to Bella, who seemed like super independent about being totally submissive, which I have feminist feelings about but WHATEVS. It’s like poppyfield teenage love mixed with death and fangs and wars of the worlds.

I didn’t see the second one about moon pies but I saw this one cuz Crystal wanted to and she is the greatest human in the world so I do what she wants me to do.

So! Wow! Ok lots of fields of poppies, flying people, giant animals and that whole shirtless family who turned into monsters! That was cool! I mean, there was a bunch of bullshit about marriage that just screamed PROPAGANDA into my little Jewess ears, forcing me to yell, “She can’t get married, shes GAY!” in a crowded theater, but moving on.

Eclipse was cool and entertaining, once you got over the whole ‘how the hell did this totally masochistic love affair become a worldwide phenomenon’ thing. Bella’s like Helen of Troy in a hoodie. High school! Girl you are in high school. Good luck picking the right college, let alone joining the undead. I was totes on Team Edward because I’m a Dylan McKay kind of girl, not a Brandon Walsher, but I am on Team Jacob now because I think Edward should at least let her try the goods before buying them, and I find Edward a wee bit possessive. I feel this whole THANG is a bit emotionally rapey amirite? Is she brainwashed? I have worries for her.

Also, K-Stew, if you are looking for a band of outsiders to fit into, may I suggest the homosexuals. We cannot get legally married anyhow, would never buy you a Giant Ring because it’s not good for fisting, premaritial sex doesn’t count ’cause gays can’t have real sex obviously, and when we smell your flannel shirt we will not give it to our newborn army to hunt you down and kill you but we will kiss you. You might glow a little, but in a cute way.

Sarah Medd, Autostraddle Calendar Girl Stylist

Experience: Seen the books, read the movies.

Feelings: So, most of my feelings about the movie are intermittent between many yawns, *yawn* because I found it *yawn* extremely boring *yawn*.  I don’t know what it is about these movies that puts me to sleep, but after about the 3rd time that I found myself opening my eyes from a short nap tonight, I remembered how New Moon triggered a similar reaction…. It’s too bad really because I actually enjoyed the books, and they seemed to have the opposite effect-keeping me up all hours of the night to finish just one more chapter and then just one more.  Maybe it’s the soundtrack.  I’m honestly a little perplexed by Crystal’s favorable review of previous Twilight soundtracks, and perhaps they were better than this one, but I thought the soothing new agey tracks in Eclipse were a little bit too relaxing for me.  I blame the music for at least half of my naps tonight.

Kristen looked amazing though-really loving her long locks, even knowing it was a wig/weave.  I enjoyed all the ass shots, of which there seemed to be many. Go TEAM BELLA!

MTV Movie Awards 2010 Celebrate Lesbian Innuendo, Swearing, Twilight

Last night the MTV Movie Awards happened. There were lots of white girls there with long, shiny hair along with  a lot of paunchy thirtysomething bromance buddy-flick “stars.” Also, Twilight: Mission to the Moon won everything.

Mostly, however, tonight was about homosexuality. (more…)

This is a Glee, Kristen Stewart, Real L Word, Lindsay Lohan, Julie Goldman Post

This is one of those days where we can’t really find any one story to headline because they are all sort of equally whatever, and we end up getting 65% of our links from Oh No They Didn’t. Thank you ONTD, we love you, don’t ever change. Well you did change a few weeks ago right? And we still love you. Don’t change your hair though. We love your hair, don’t change it.

KRISTEN STEWART:

Look what we do have for you here today is a video of Kristen Stewart looking very sexy at a FLAUNT magazine photoshoot:

+

GLEE – BAD ROMANCE:

GLEE has been renewed for a third season, obviously:

Season-to-date, Glee is the No. 1 new scripted series among adults 18-49 and adults 18-34, and has averaged 9.4 million total viewers… In just one year, Glee has transcended the television landscape and emerged as a global pop culture phenomenon,” said Peter Rice, the Fox Networks Group Entertainment Chairman, in a statement.

In case you’re confused, FYI we’re still on Season One right now — they just took a little mid-season break to make new episodes. So that means we have two more years of Glee for sure, so according to our magical calculations, that means that probs someone will either quit Glee or threaten to shut Glee down another 5,647 times.

An interview with Joss Whedon, who directed last week’s episode, Dream On, at TV is my Pacifier. On his dedication to teenaged narratives:

Well, I don’t feel like I’ve necessarily been pigeonholed. I like high school shows, needless to say, I think they tap into something very primal. When you have some elements that take them to the next level, whether it’s physical or musical, it’s the kind of thing that completely jazzes me. To work with a troupe of people who are still young, and fresh and excited to be doing the work, you can’t beat that.

A lot of parents are afraid of their children watching Glee (homos, sex, etc.) but some parents think it’s really awesome, like Dunkaroos:

“I was a geek — I got bullied so badly. It’s so lovely to see a show putting out the right message for kids, that no matter what size or shape you are, you can be accepted.”

Hey wanna go behind the scenes of tomorrow’s episode of Glee, “Bad Romance”? YEAH YOU DO!

+

JULIE GOLDMAN:

Hey Stanford / the San Francisco area! Julie Goldman is doing a free show at the Graduate Community Center and it’s open to the public and you should definitely make plans to BE THERE. After the show, when you’re flirting her up, be sure to tell Julie that you loved her in The Runagays!

THE REAL L WORD:

Now it’s time to meet Tracy Ryerson from Showtime’s upcoming hit series The Real L Word produced by mistress of the universe Ilene Chaiken!

+
Wanna meet Rose? YEAH?!! Let’s meet Rose:

+
You can meet all of these fine ladies at Showtime’s YouTube Channel.

BRITTANY MURPHY:

Simon Monjack, the husband of the late Brittany Murphy was found dead in his home on Sunday night. The cause of death has yet to be determined. [See Also: Brittany Murphy Brittany Murphy Brittany Murphy Brittany Murphy Why]

TILA TEQUILA:

Tila Tequila comes clean about why she’s going to Celebrity Rehab. After getting not pregnant and not-birthing the surrogate (or not) child of a Swedish, American war vet, firefighter/rapper/The Game, and launching her frightening TilaTilaOMG gossip website, she has decided to lay off the… um. Antibiotics? Of course she can’t possibly make this announcement without dissing Lindsay Lohan in the same breath:

It almost feels like I’m stripped down totally naked and standing in front of a million people. With that said, I KNOW I am an EXTREMELY smart girl, and to run all these empires when I am not even 30 yet, is quite an accomplishment, however I finally admitted to myself that I cannot rely on taking prescription pills everyday for the rest of my life! I didn’t spend my heart and soul into building this extremely successful website, invest every last ounce of money into it, and believe me, a site like this plus staff is EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE! I also have My new Record Label and getting all the contracts done to also start up my own management firm, but in order to do all of that, I MUST not be another “LINDSAY LOHAN” where I just flush everything I worked so hard for down the toilet for nothing….

LINDSAY LOHAN:

Speaking of…

+

CHELY WRIGHT & SEAN HAYES:

Newly out Country Music star Chely Wright will be performing at the San Francisco GLAAD Awards and Sean Hayes will be hosting The Tony Awards! (@ontopmag)

PATTI SMITH:

Patti Smith could’ve just given a normal Pratt Commencement Speech, but instead she spoke out on the importance of Dental Care. “Take care of your damn teeth!” (@theawl)

Kristen Stewart to Star in “On the Road” Movie: ‘Hipster’ Head Explosion

KRISTEN STEWART:

Luanne Henderson, Neal Cassady's First Wife

Kristen Stewart, Sam Riley and Garrett Hedlund are signed on for Walter Salles’ long-anticipated big-screen adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. This remake has been eons in the making. We’ve been planning to hate it with all of our elitist literature-loving souls, because it will obviously not be as good as the book (and because prior adaptations of this material haven’t been so kind for example the movie Neal Cassady starring Tate Donovan as Neal Cassady portrayed Jack Kerouac’s raucous, intoxicating and manic best friend as a nervous, insecure and basically accidentally charismatic idiot with none of the Signature Infectious Neal Cassady Energy reflected in Kerouac’s prose BUT I DIGRESS), but we have changed our minds. WE CAN’T WAIT

Garrett Hedlund will play Dean Moriarty (Neal Cassady) Kristen Stewart will play Dean’s on-and-off wife Marylou (Luanne Henderson). Sam Riley will play Sal Paradise (Jack Kerouac). Marylou has affairs with both Sal & Dean in the book.

From “The Women of the Beat Generation”:

LuAnne Henderson, once described by Jack Kerouac as “a nymph with waist-legth dirty blond hair was as adventurous as Neal… with Neal at the wheel of the stolen Hudson, they raced at top speed on a spree of grifting, begging, borrowing and stealing gas and food. She thrilled to every minute… LuAnne wasn’t just along for the ride, she was an equal participant, loving both Beats until the day Neal dumpd her and jack at the corner of O’Farrell and Grant in San Francisco with no money and nowhere to go.

On The Road cast: Kristen Stewart, Sam Riely, Garrett Hedlund

Filming begins this summer in San Francisco, produced by Francis Ford Coppola’s Zoetrope Producitons.

In ‘news’ that we’d rather not believe, Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattison have “confirmed” to Oprah Winfrey that they are dating.

CHELY WRIGHT:

From The New York Times, Chely Wright Comes out, Testing Nashville’s Tolerance:

By the time the country singer Chely Wright appeared on “Today” Wednesday morning, the secret was out. This minor star of the 1990s and early 2000s was coming out as a lesbian. During her early years in Nashville, “I knew that I needed to hide this to achieve my dreams,” she told the host Natalie Morales… Ms. Wright’s high-profile declaration casts a spotlight on the world of country music, which has historically had little room for differences. Ms. Wright’s dissent from the genre’s talking points — often conservative and religious, though rarely blatantly homophobic — arrived in tandem with the release of her memoir, “Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer” (Pantheon), and a new album, “Lifted Off the Ground” (Painted Red/Vanguard). But the impact of her story is really more powerful on country music’s monolithic image than on her own image.

Meanwhile, Nashville is literally FLOODING, with serious damage done to the Grand Ole Opry House and the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. Country music stars are hosting a Live Telethon in Nashville to Raise Money for the Flooding featuring Vince Gill, Naomi Judd, Alison Krauss, Darius Rucker, Phil Vassar and former American Idol contender Bo Bice and will benefit the Red Cross, Salvation Army and the Second Harvest Food Bank.

THE LYNCH:

The Lynch can do no wrong, even in high school when: “I had an affair with my teacher and it was really an amazing, mind-blowing experience. She was older and I was crazy about her and it was great – really wonderful.” (@3AM)

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS:

Neil Patrick Harris picks his top 10 hotties in anticipation of the AfterElton Hot 100. (@afterelton)

BRITTANA:

We have now confirmed for the 500th time that Brittany and Santana will not be girlfriends or friends with benefits, just close friends with exciting flirtations:

Vanity Fair: O.K., let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Britt’s flirtations with Santana. One word: hot. Where is this going? Is it going to head more toward B.F.F.s or F.W.B.s?
Heather Morris: Probably more of the B.F.F. side. What I’ve been told is, we’re not that type of television show. It’s funny to play with, but we’re not going to go in that direction.

CHAZ BONO:

Chastity Bono has now officially become Chaz, going to court yesterday to change his name. (@busy buzz)

SWEET HEAT:

Our friend Andrea at lez-behonest has something to tell you about:

Lesbians are you ready for sweet heat? We Are! Well before sweet heat we want you all to know about Tomboyz Quarterly Sweet heat Miami Summer issue which features everything you want to know about Miami Sweet Heat, with exclusive interviews with artist such as Trina, there’s also an article in the magazine featured by lez-behonest.com, this magazine is dedicated to the lesbian community and it has everything every lesbian wants to know! Also don’t forget Trina, B.Scott and a few other people will be at Miami Sweet heat hosting and attending parties this year, for more information on sweet heat goto www.sweetheat.miami.net! See you there!

Also you should buy your tickets now for Lesbian Attack Gives Back, which takes place on May 22nd in Los Angeles!

Megapost: Kristen Stewart’s Rep, Lohan’s Future, Queen Latifah’s New Show, Et Al

KRISTEN STEWART:

Kristen Stewart is the new Elle covergirl! Her cover photo is kinda stupid, but whatevs. In the interview, Kristen acknowledges her reputation for being all dark & twisty:

“People say that I’m miserable all the time. It’s not that I’m miserable, it’s just that somebody’s yelling at me…I literally, sometimes, have to keep myself from crying…It’s a physical reaction to the energy that’s thrown at you. I hate it when they say I don’t give a shit, because nobody cares more than I do. I’m telling you I don’t know anybody who does this that gives a shit more than I do.“

Also, on her love life:

“I would never cheapen my relationships by talking about them. People say, ‘Just say who you’re dating. Then people will stop being so ravenous about it.’ It’s like, No they won’t! They’ll ask for specifics.”

The photoshoot was done by Carter Smith:

(@elle)

LINDSAY LOHAN:

Lindsay Lohan ain’t missbehaving, y’all:

It’s confirmed that Lindsay Lohan will play ex-porn star Linda Lovelace in a biopic about the performer best known for her role in the 1972 porn film Deep Throat. MTV has more:

“Linda Lovelace” was the stage name Linda Susan Boreman adopted before starring in “Throat,” the 1972 flick about a frustrated woman exploring (and exploring, and exploring again) her sexuality. Lovelace became a household name after “Deep Throat” arrived as a full-fledged pop-culture phenomenon that had stars like Johnny Carson and Jack Nicholson attending showings. Porn became chic, and the film has to date grossed more than $600 million worldwide (some believe it is still be the most profitable movie ever made).

In the years that followed, however, Lovelace reinvented herself as an anti-porn crusader, toiled in poverty and insisted that she had a gun held to her head off-camera during those infamous “Throat” scenes, blaming the experience largely on her manager/husband Chuck Traynor. She died in 2002 at the age of 53 from injuries suffered in an automobile accident.

Um, this sounds like a really good idea! I mean, sure, it makes for a scandalous headline, but who better to play the role of a pretty girl in hell than Lindsay Fucking Lohan? If Charlize Theron can win an Oscar for playing a lesbian prostitute serial killer… yannow?

GLEE:
The Advocate has an interview with Naya Rivera, who plays Santana on GLEE. Rivera told Maxim that after the infamous “If sex was dating, then Santana and I would be dating,” her director assured her that it wasn’t just a stupid joke — “Oh, no, you hooked up!” Rivera’s response:

Well, my initial reaction was that it was hysterical. I was laughing because I thought it was just another stupid thing that Brittany says. It’s kind of like a joke that the writers play, but the fans actually really love it. I think it’s awesome.

And so on…

Santana and Brittany have been doing a lot of pinky-holding in recent episodes. Are the writers still joking around, or is this Brittana flirtation actually going somewhere?
We definitely always hint at it, but I don’t know what will happen with that. Maybe they’ll fall in love. I do think they’re soul mates. Brittany just gets Santana, even though a lot of people don’t like her. The guys are crappy, so maybe Santana should just be with Brittany.

Could Santana be bisexual?
There’s always a chance on this show. Everything’s always twisting and turning, and you never know what the writers and Ryan Murphy are going to do next.

She also told The Advocate that she doesn’t know if they could actually make out because “it’s such a family show” but that “if it does happen, I’m up for it. I’m really up for anything, so maybe I’ll make [the fans] dreams come true.”

GAGA:

Lady Gaga performed an acoustic version of Bad Romance and her new single Alejandro on American Idol last night (actually taped last week):

In realty, she was in NYC partying with DJ Lady Starlight and Justin from Semi Precious Weapons and looked like this:

GLEE:

Reports from the Time 100 event in NYC are coming in (Gaga blew it off to hang with her peeps in the pic above) and there is a hilarious anecdote regarding Lea Michele from Glee.

According to a disinterested witness, at her table at the Time 100 gala last night, Glee star Lea Michelle spends the entire dinner hour making out with her boyfriend at her table, ignoring the other high-profile guests. Legendary celebrity photographer (and Intel friend) Patrick McMullan approaches to take a picture. He snaps away, she poses.

Patrick McMullan: What’s your name?
Lea Michele: [Rolls eyes.] Sarah Palin.
Patrick McMullan: [Laughs.] No, really, tell me your name.
Lea Michele: Taylor Swift.
Patrick McMullan: Fuck you.

One day when we accumulate enough stories like this, we’ll be legally able to share our own (remember puppies, Team AS has lots of Broadway friends/connections!)
(@nymag)

QUEEN LATIFAH:

Queen Latifah has written a new show for VH1 called Single Ladies. Revolving around the love lives of three female friends in Atlanta, the cast includes Lauren London, LisaRaye McCoy and Stacey Dash (Dionne from Clueless). The story revolves around the romantic relationships of three friends and is meant to fulfill fans of The CW’s Girlfriends and HBO’s Sex In The City.(@vibe)

GLAMBERT:

An Adam Lambert mega-post containing pretty new pictures various photoshoots, his trek in London and his performance on the X Factor Finland. (@ohnotheydidnt)

JAMES FRANCO:

Lesbian fave James Franco – a homo?  At a screening of his documentary at the Tribeca Film Festival an audience member asked James a few things that alluded to his sexuality, in regards to Franco’s on-camera kiss with Will Forte on SNL. According to The Daily News, “Franco’s rep stopped him from answering, and the crowd got really uncomfortable.”  He has always pinged for me – am I alone here? (@dailynews)

LINDSAY LOHAN & MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ:

Check out the trailer for Machete starring Michelle Rodriguez and Lindsay Lohan in a nun’s habit.

ELLEN:

Ellen apologized to Apple for her video pointing out the iPhone’s lack of ability as a communication device on her show. Apparently, Steve Jobs’ team lodged a complaint with Warner Bros. or whoever, and helped turn the story into an even bigger one, by having Ellen apologize on her show! It’s pretty hilarious (and pretty accurate, just sayin’). Also Melissa Etheridge was on her show this week & performed “Fearless Love.” (No breakup talk).

PROP 8 FILMS:

Check out the latest PSA starring Nikole from Fly Girls for Til Death Do Us Part, the first film by Prop 8 Films, a production company focusing on social justice documentaries. The first film is on gay marriage and follows the NOH8 Campaign and Prop 8 trials. (@prop8films)

KE$HA:

Tells Rolling Stone that though she has kissed girls, she prefers the wiener. Really this whole line of reasoning is getting sort of boring.

VIDEO – Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office #4: The Runaways

Julie Goldman & Brandy have something they want you to do. They want you to go see a really, really, really good movie, and they’re gonna tell you why. And it’s gonna be dirty, sexy, dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty lesbian dirty, 70’s.

Also this week: Brandy studies fisting, Julie saw Joan Jett at a sex club, and cocaine is better in giant freezer bags, right? Sure it is. Welcome to the raunchiest/funniest show on the entire internet:

Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are the Matt and Ben of Lesbian Movies.  They are a sensational acting/writing duo that are trying to cause a sensation with their sensational, lesbian romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.

Since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work; based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training.

10 Badass Girl Team Movies

First, we have new videos from The Runaways! More anticipation! Firstly, about the Cherry Bomb music video, Vulture says that “while [Dakota Fanning] doesn’t seem uncomfortable in her skin, exactly, there’s a vulnerability to her red-lit motions toward brazenness — especially during the “Hello, Dad; hello, Mom” parts — that gives us a pang of parental panic. A pang of “Hannah Dakota Fanning! Put on some clothes! Someone out there could see you!”

Also, E! wants to know if The Runaways is parent-approved, hahaha no they’re not talking about YOUR parents weirdo, they’re talking about Kristen Stewart & Dakota Fanning’s parents. Anyhow, there are new trailers all over the internet by now.

So here we have a new featurette and seven clips from The Runaways.

Although the promise of girl-on-girl action draws us to this flick like bees to honey (you know all about that right, like the circle of life or whatever) it’s also ’cause we like to see girls IN ACTION. Like with each other. Making bands, playing sports, training a nun chorus, whatever.  Leading political movements (yeah, one day we’ll get a movie like that). When a girl and another girl or many other girls accomplish shit, together. Especially if they’re cute.

We’re not speaking of the shopping/romance flicks where the woman wins for standing up to her philandering husband after Eva Mendes stole him at Bloomingdales. We’re also not speaking of violent/superpower movies, ’cause that’s like a whole ‘nother list for girls who can handle seeing guns on TV.

See there are always movies about groups of guys getting together and changing the world. Political movies, movies about dude bands — hell, there are probs more movies about (male) football teams than there are movies about any girls sports team at all ever. So here’s Ten Movies About Strong Kickass Groups and Teams of Ladies that we’re looking forward to, like The Runaways (which we actually hear is more about the dude that managed them than their relationship with each other).

+

10 Badass Girl Power Films

When Tough Girls Get Together With Other Girls and Do Shit+

+

10. Whip It! (2009) – Ellen Page, Drew Barrymore, Juliette Lewis, Eve, Kristen Wiig

This film featured so many of our favorite female actresses that we were biologically obligated to view it, like How to Make an American Quilt, which actually ended up sucking sorta.

+

9. Blue Crush(2002) – Kate Bosworth, Michelle Rodriguez

Surfing makes bodies hot, and they set a goal and then achieve it, and even though Michelle Rodriguez won’t come out, you probs own this movie. To be honest I haven’t seen it, but I felt somehow it needed to be included. y/n?

+

+

8. Bring It On (2001) – Kristen Dunst, Eliza Dushku, Gabrielle Union

It makes me feel how Glee makes me feel, except more heteronormative. Also the sequels are good fun.

+

7. Troop Beverly Hills (1998) – Shelly Long

I remember this being a lot less about shopping than I realize it actually is, but they had so many montages of progress and cookie-selling and a ton of musical numbers.

+

6. Set It Off(1996) – Queen Latifah, Vivica A. Fox, Jada Pinkett

I can’t watch some of the scenes b/c I have feelings about gun/violence, but other than that, it’s good like Bad Girls is good. Also coughlesbianenergy.

+

5. Ladies And Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains (1982) – Diane Lane, Laura Dern

As mentioned in our interview with Marisa Meltzer and in a post by the best media studies graduate of all time, fourfour.

+

4. The Craft (1995) – Neve Campbell, Rachel True, Robin Tunney

How many people did you put a hex on after you saw this movie. Like so many people right?

+

3. Bend It Like Beckham (2003) – Keira Knightley, Parminder Nagra

Every lesbian loves this movie, right? Also there was supposed to be a lesbian element to the story, but they took it out and made it a boy-girl romance b/c mainstream media wants to ruin our lives and wants us to be unhappy.

+

2. Sister Act (1992) – Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Najimy

I have seven words for you: Montage of Remodeling and Making Musical Progress. Also, if those nuns were real and it’d come out in 2010, those nuns would be on YouTube with “My God.”

+

1. A League of Their Own (1992) – Geena Davis, Rosie O’Donnell, Madonna, Lori Petty

I feel legitimately blessed to live in a world with this movie in it, even though “This Used to be My Playground” and “Now and Forever” make me cry like a pansy.

+
Next:
Dead Gay Characters, Lady Gaga & The Muppets,
Girltrash vlog and 90210’s lesbian kiss ON VIDEO

Kristen Stewart’s Sundance Interviews: Hoodie-Enabled Nervousness Endears Us More

KRISTEN STEWART: Kristen Stewart reminds us of how we would do interviews if, you know, our rascally tomboy phase had garnered us early roles in amazing indie films and gradually lead us to get cast as the romantic lead in a multi-bajillion dollar vampire franchise while never actually developing any real social skills. [Actually she reminds us of how we would conduct interviews if we didn’t have cocktails/xanax beforehand.]

Kristen breaks all the rules your mother told you about! She slouches, she plays with her hair, she keeps her hands in her pockets, she refuses eye contact, she plays with her bracelets, she chews on her t-shirt, she crosses her arms and at one point she almost bites her nails! AND WE LOVE IT.

First up is the The Runaways, where along with Dakota Fanning, she speaks to MTV about their kiss (“not a big deal”), nudity (“I was not naked. I was wearing really unattractive nude body suits, like moleskin”) & drugs (“it’s the story?”).

+
The Hollywood Reporter describes the movie as a “guilty pleasure” and further elaborates: “it bursts with energy, youth, excess, female empowerment, sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. It’s an instant hit worldwide with its cast of young stars, but is it any good? Surprisingly, yes. It just must be met on its own terms.”

Everyone is all abuzz about the lesbian kiss at a Roller Rink which is too bad, ’cause that’s supposed to be OUR BEAT. WE’RE THE LESBIAN KISSMONGERS, MAINSTREAM ASSHATS!  The Toronto Star reports:

While Jett is coy about whether the bisexual romance on-screen was real or fabricated — “The Runaways never played a roller rink,” she responds with a smile — Currie is more forthcoming.

“We loved each other as friends. Back then, Bowie had just come out. So had Elton John. And that was the groovy thing to do. Back then, there was this bisexuality thing that was going down and, hey, why not?”

That the real-life rockers’ friendship endures — they reconciled more than a decade ago — is a minor miracle considering the volatility of their adolescence, vividly portrayed in Canadian director Floria Sigismondi’s electrifying, in-your-face account of attitude, ambition and self-destruction.

Joan Jett dates ladies now. That’s a fact right? People know this, yes? Okay. Here’s her song about bisexuality, music video starring Carmen Electra.

Kristen is also interviewed about her other Sundance debut, Welcome to the Rileys, which MTV really liked: “You can quibble all you want with her portrayal of a 16-year-old runaway turned stripper and prostitute. But you cannot walk away from a viewing and say the actress doesn’t fearlessly expose herself physically and emotionally, and doesn’t do so with astonishing maturity and believability.“

+

We didn’t see The Runaways ’cause we don’t live in Utah and can’t afford to fly there. Kristen Stewart is like the new tomboy queen you guys. We’re not saying she’s gay, ’cause we think she’s probs not gay, but man, she is also so gay. It’s just like the biggest tease of all time since Ellen Page, who will probs have another new movie soon, and start the cycle all over again. Except Ellen Page probs really is gay. If she’d come out I’d have something to write about today. We figure we can talk about how cute she is about three more times before it gets old right?

TEGAN AND SARA: Tegan & Sara will host NewNowNext Music next Sunday night, Feb. 1 (or Monday morning, depending on how you look at it) at midnight. You should probably put that on your calendar!

+
JANE LYNCH: Glee actress Jane Lynch will marry her girlfriend, Dr. Lara Embry, this May! (@radaronline)

TEEVEE: Heather looks at the week ahead in TV, including Rosie O’Donnell doing Oprah today and tonight; Cherry Jones guesting on 24 (Fox, 9 p.m.) & a probs girl-on-girl action-free episode of Heroes. On Wednesday, our bisexual friend Emily will most likely continue to not make out with girls on The Real World DC (MTV, 10 p.m.) and we’ll probs cry again if they talk about eating disorders. Tuesday is Ellen‘s birthday and:

8 p.m., Discovery Health, Transgendered & Pregnant: For transsexuals Cai and Emily, it was love at first sight. Unaware they could conceive a child due to sex change hormones, they are now expecting. Follow this young couple as they prepare for their most challenging transition yet – parenthood.

Friday will see a “chaste lesbian kiss” between Lucretia (Lucy Lawless) and Illithyia on Spartacus: Blood and Sand (Starz, 10 p.m.) and the second episode of Caprica (SyFy, 9 p.m.) (there was lots of girl-on-girl action in the pilot!). (@afterellen)

MUPPETS: The Muppets Take Conservatism? Economist, Please: “The Economist is working my last nerve. After debating if women have it “immeasurably better” than they used to and the rise of “female power,” they’ve turned their attention to the political persuasions of the Muppets.” (@jezebel)

BEST HEADLINE EVER: Amber Rose Kills a Bear and then Smears Orange Crayons on Her Face (@lezbhonest)

NEWS ALERT! Dakota Fanning Kissed a Girl and Liked It!

SAME-SEX ACTION: Listen up; I’m gonna share a trade secret with you. Are you ready? I don’t think you’re ready. When constructing a Daily Fix, my first step is searching for keywords “gay” and “lesbian” in google news. I learned this as a nerve.com intern, when we constructed Scanner posts by searching ‘sex’ and then spending an hour sifting through sex offenders, sexual assaults, rape and sex trafficking to get to the pleasant stuff– which usually didn’t exist, or was a sex tape. Anyhow…

So. Every single g-dd*mn day, 1-3 of the top news results for “lesbians” — that is; the most relevant, important, popular lesbian stories of the day — relate to one starlet or another relaying 5-6 words to a reporter regarding the Very Important Experience of touching their lips to another lady’s lips. Let me be clear: we will announce, joyfully, an Upcoming Lesbian Makeout in a Movie or TV Show. WE CHEER IN OUR PANTS FOR THIS! However; we don’t get the Other Story — the one about how the actress didn’t mind it (and hopefully neither did her brother). Straight people have similar stories (“Renee Russo LOVED kissing Pierce Bronson”) but the lesbian stories are focused more on the act of kissing a woman and rarely on the specific woman herself.

We’d like to look at this little phenomenon with you today.

Firstly — Here’s the formula:

[hot actress] + [loved/liked/prefers/hated] + [sexual act] with [another hot actress] in [movie/TV show]

Sometimes the last part is left off (about the movie/tv show) to entice the reader into believing they’re about to read a description of an actual real-life girl-on-girl encounter. Here’s some recent examples:

+ Hayden Panettiere: “I loved shooting lesbian scenes for new series of Heroes”: “That’s the relationship so far and where exactly it’s going, I have no idea. I absolutely enjoyed playing that kind of complicated relationship. Oh, yeah. I kissed a girl and I liked it.”
+ Amanda Seyfried Enjoys Passionate Lesbian Kiss In New Movie: This particular headline (used by 40 papers accessible via Google News) actually doesn’t include any quote from Seyfried. But hell, WHO DOESN’T ENJOY A PASSIONATE LESBIAN KISS? (Oh yeah… our friendly bisexual idiot Megan Fox who Can’t Watch Lesbian Kiss.)
+ Dakota Fanning kisses girl, doesn’t become a witch: Teenager DAKOTA FANNING had no problems vamping it up for a lesbian scene in upcoming biopic THE RUNAWAYS – because the real-life rocker she plays in the film experienced the same-sex moment.
+ Eva Green wishes her lesbian love scene in ‘Cracks’ had been raunchier: “The love scene is soft – I wanted to go even further. In the book, she’s more sexual.” (So in other words, the movie dulled down the book’s lesbian love scene? Now that’s an interesting story!)
+ Scarlett Johansson would rather kiss Penelope Cruz any day over other leading male actors. (inside the article, we learn it’s because male actors have scratchy faces)
+ Mischa Barton Would Rather Kiss Girls: The story reveals, “I don’t know why that keeps coming up. It doesn’t annoy me that much. It’s so much easier to kiss another girl. You’re so much more relaxed filming and you can have a laugh. It can get a bit tense with a guy.”

Even worse is when a girl uses the word “lesbian” in a press conference or an article, like Kristen Stewart’s recent refusal to confirm/deny R-Patz rumors  by saying, “I’ve thought about this a lot. There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation. “OK, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian,” Resulting in headlines like “Kristen Stewart’s Lesbian Confession” and “Lesbian Kristen Stewart.” As AfterEllen pointed out: “Ironically, this is what Kristen was hinting at in her original interview when she made this statement. In response to constantly being asked about dating Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson, she said she’d rather keep something to herself because no matter what she says, the press is going to run with it. And, it appears she was right.”

Other stars who have recently used the word lesbian and paid the price include Kristen Bell (“Burlesque’ turning me lesbian”) and Katy Perry (“I will become a lesbian if Russel Brand cheats on me.”)

Honestly; it’s rare that any of the major lesbian or gay websites are one of the 150 sources headlining this story. Why not? Here’s my theory:

1. These stories are boring — one quote cannot carry an entire article, yannow? I don’t care what the topic is.
2. We hesitate to give these stories enhanced meaning by headlining them — as one of many daily fix links, we can separate ourselves from the mainstream flock and re-contextualize the newsbyte in a way that our readers can respect and laugh at. We all like lesbian kissing news, after all !But giving it top-billing as the headline feels a little bit too… well… like everyone else! For a gay website, it grants the information significance it doesn’t deserve.
3. The fact that a woman didn’t mind GETTING PAID MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to kiss another woman (or, for that matter, to kiss Joe Pesci or Jack Nicholson) is a bit unsurprising.

B/c I am only one little baby mind, I thought I’d ask some experts from the interweb’s top Lesbian Entertainment & Pop Culture Website, AfterEllen.com, for their theories!

Dorothy Snarker: “The problem, of course, with these sorts of “stories” is that they are nonsense. The inherent implication behind the standard “What is it like to kiss a girl?” question is “It’s weird, isn’t it?” And if it isn’t the “Eww”-factor, it’s the “Ooh-la-la”-factor driving coverage. Neither of which mean anything real to lesbian and bisexual viewers. Because we all know what it’s like to kiss a girl: awesome.” (also check out Dorothy at Dorothy Surrenders)

Grace Chu: “On mainstream publications, the target audience is obviously straight guys, but lesbians also have an inner frat boy that is ever present but often silenced for two reasons (1) in the name of propriety and (2) to avoid being judged by other lesbians (you know it’s true). So although i don’t believe that we are the intended audience, it would be a lie if i stood here and said that we don’t click on those headlines, because we do. I don’t see a problem writing about those stories on a lesbian website, because we are able to repackage those stories and filter them through our own lenses and bring these stories to our audience from a queer perspective. All right, that second part of that sentence was utter bullshit. almost fooled ya! ha ha! Anyway, here’s the real deal. These stories are pretty straightforward, and they’re pretty sensationalist and asinine, but lesbians aren’t above reading sensationalist and asinine things, especially if it’s about pretty girls kissing. Embrace the inner frat boy. don’t be ashamed of him. ” (you can also catch Grace at Grace the Spot)

Heather Hogan (formerly known as “StuntDouble”): I have a lot of straight-girl friends who are obsessed with kissing headlines (straight ones, gay ones, bi ones, whatever). Ultimately, I think they’re trying to find out who is a better kisser than whom so they know who to put on their Lists of Five. For example, one friend dropped Orlando Bloom right off her list because when Keira Knightley was promoting Atonement, there was a headline that said she thought James McAvoy was the best kisser ever, and Atonement was filmed after Pirates of the Caribbean, in which Keira kissed Orlando. (It’s a science.) I personally don’t like to write them because they’re redundant. No matter who’s names you put in them, the story is always exactly the same: straight girls kiss, still prefer men.
The Linster: On the one hand, it’s homophobia. At some level, straight people are scared of us, no matter how “cool” they seem with The Gays. So they have to call out lesbian scenes between straight girls just to classify the kiss as not normal. I mean, what would happen if girls kissed girls and guys kissed guys and it was just another love or sex scene in a movie? The world as we know it would collapse, that’s what. On the other hand, I’m glad to have those headlines around because it saves me a lot of time fast-forwarding through movies to see if they have lesbian scenes.

So, what do you think? Is this a phenomenon that only irritates those of us who report the “news,” or do you like or dislike these stories yourself?

DEBORAH: Deborah Soloman, caustic interview aggro-heroine of life, has questions for writer Terry Castle:

Camille Paglia has written that gay men are much livelier company than lesbians, whom she associates with “resentment or ideology.” Do you agree that lesbians suffer from a paucity of wit?
Well, those who drank the Kool-Aid in the ’70s in the heyday of lesbian separatism — a lot of them have ended up in the academic world as historians or sociologists. And so there is a kind of earnest and stylistically impaired lesbian who is still in existence, like a stegosaurus.

Whom do you consider funny?
Ellen DeGeneres is pretty funny, as are Wanda Sykes, Lily Tomlin and Rachel Maddow. Gertrude Stein was hilariously funny. Claims about the dourness of lesbianism have been overstated.

Yea that’s nonsense. Personally, my favorite comedians are almost all lesbians; like Julie Goldman, Elvira Kurt, Ellen DeGeneres and all the ladies we interviewed for Autostraddle. But then I also love everyone on The Daily Show, Chris Rock and Dave Chapelle. Yup those are my favorites just in case you were wondering. Yours?

CONAN: “This is no Tigergate, which we follow out of prurient interest. This has evolved into a national passion play about greed, betrayal, stupidity, incompetence, and corporate cluelessness. In other words, the late night fiasco has become the perfect allegory for the Great Recession. No wonder people from hosts to fans sound like they’re taking to the barricades: How Team Coco Channels Out Great Recession Anger.” (@vulture)

WARHOL: Once upon a time, when MTV was still good and unicorns still carried people across the land to harvest the wheat, Andy Warhol had a show on MTV.  “Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes” aired on MTV in 1987 but it died before the last episode could be completed. You can read about it here and also download episodes from the first site we linked to

IDK I think this is the best photo taken of Lindsay Lohan since 2008:

GLEE: Neil Patrick Harris will join the predigous academy of GLEE guest-stars very soon! Also Jennifer Lopez might be on GLEE. Also your mom is gonna be on GLEE. (@ew)

LAW & ORDER: Mischa Barton has a guest spot on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit as a prostitute named Gladys. That’s nonsense, no prostitute would ever pick the name “Gladys.” (@celebrity gossip)

GOLDEN GLOBES: Golden Gifs: Stars of the Golden Globes in animated gif form. And also; there are many things I loathe about the media, the “snarky comments about bad outfits” write-ups are one of those things (although, obvs, we cannot seem to restrain ourselves when recapping teevee shows, so maybe the pot is calling the kettle black, but also the pot wants to say that it is commenting on costumes, not outfits). But this is f*cking spot on and hilarious. So maybe it’s okay when feminists do it. (@jezebel)

ACT YOUR AGE: Same Age Celebs – it’s interesting; like who is who’s age and stuff. (@ontd)

Kristen Stewart Will Lesbian Kiss Dakota Fanning in The Runaways, is Still Not Gay in Real Life

RUNAWAYS: Kristen Stewart & Dakota Fanning will embrace the 70’s by sharing a passionate lesbian kiss in The Runaways. Dakota Fanning says, “It was passionate. We’re playing Joan Jett and Cherie Curie and they’re best friends in the film and became really close in real life. And that’s something that went down back in the ‘70s.” Actually it still happens in the 00’s, but honestly, I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that Dakota Fanning is the same age as Kristen Stewart. Is she? Furthermore, although we all want K-Stew to be gay … there’s really no rumors (the kind that typically accompany a closeted actress) about her, just a lot of pings. That being said, it’s a good thing either way! If a total tomboy who plays gender-bending roles and eschews Hollywood’s sexed up siren culture can bed this apparent Vampire British heartthrob guy, then we’ve come a long way from 50s notions of leading-lady femininity, haven’t we? Jo March got a boyfriend in the end too, you know.

ADAM LAMBERT: Adam responds to OUT magazine via Entertainment Weekly: “I can talk about relationships and personal experiences because as an artist those things involve writing lyrics and that part of my process. But I didn’t feel comfortable talking about the March on Washington. I didn’t feel comfortable, so I asked my publicist to ask the interviewer to stay away from the political questions. I take full responsibility for that.”

WOMEN ARE ALSO OUT: Speaking of the OUT 100… although OUT is a men’s magazine, they did feature 30 kickass women this year. I think that’s admirable, and their selections were often unconventional and in all cases justified (a necessary correction after last year’s Katy Perry blunder). It’s easy to see this as a shaft, but perhaps we’re at a crossroads in the movement where rather than focusing on our inclusion in gay male spaces, we should instead concentrate on fostering community and supporting media within the lesbian community. The more succesfull profitable media outlets of our own that we have, the bettter, especially when they’re awesome enough to cross lines of gender and sexuality while remaining true to their initial purpose. So let’s all support each other and put what money we do have into women-owned businesses with their own lists. For example, Go Magazine Has a 100 Women We Love List and:

Nominations are now open for women to be featured in GO Magazine’s 100 Women We Love: Class of 2010, our annual Pride roundup of amazing women of substance making a difference in our community. Send us the name of your nominee, a brief description of her accomplishments, her email and website, if applicable to 100women@gomag.com.

We were delighted to see novelist Sarah Waters, blogger Pam Spaulding, musician Erin McKeown,  Nurse Jackie co-creators Linda Wallem and Liz Brixius, coreographer Elizabeth Streb, writer Malinda Lo (misspelled in the magazine as “Malindo Lo,” but really who am I to criticize anyone’s misspelling of anything), and filmmaker Tina Mabry among others on the list this year. However, this picture of Ilene Chaiken is really confusing to us on many levels, and Cat Cora is hot:

Ilene Chaiken Works Hard For Her Money and Cat Cora is Yummy!

TILA TEQUILA: … isn’t feeling too well, and had a naked late-night meltdown on her U-Stream channel, reacting to her ex-boyfriend’s abuse and the anxiety it has caused her. Apparently she had a meltdown on her ustream channel, explaining, “People call me an attention whore … or whatever … but excuse me, I’m a grown ass woman and I’m confident in myself … I think a woman’s body is a beautiful thing … that’s why I’m a lesbian … I was born naked … anybody who is against that is gay and in denial.”

You guys, maybe she’s been a lez all this time and the rest of it was just that slut phase some of us go through to over-prove our heterosexuality? No, just me? She does look like a critter in a hoodie. She’s just not that bright, really. (@usweekly)

ANTM: America’s Next Top Model: Where Are They Now? includes Kim Stolz, who says her girlfriend Christine has a crush on Alessandra Ambrosio and that she’s gonna go to law school in the fall. In other news, Lisa has become super terrible/AWESOME and provides perhaps the most genius walkaround way to explain “Celebrity Rehab with Dr.Drew” as just a summer camp for self-awareness, and Amanda is suddenly a total idiot, I wish fourfour could just recap Furounda’s answers, if he could hear them between all that out-loud laughing she’s allegedly got going on, and omg, Caridee opens with, “First off just let me start this off by giving my absolute gratitude to my gay community. I am just as dedicated to you as you are for me. Your big loving support means the flippin’ world to me. Thank you.”

Kristen Stewart’s Lesbian Talk Is Surprisingly Subversive

KRISTEN STEWART: … would no more admit to being a lesbian than admit that she’s dating Robert Pattinson, who I guess is the dude from that abstinence-propaganda vampire movie that everyone is talking about … when pressed to reveal her romantic status, Kristen snapped: “I’ve thought about this a lot. There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: OK, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian. I’m just trying to keep something.”

That works for us, b/c she’s one of our Top Ten Tomboys ever. But seriously, we often bitch about how when a closeted actress refuses to discuss her sexuality, intentions are irrelevant b/c we live in a heteronormative society and anyone who doesn’t claim to be gay isn’t actually seen as sexually ambiguous as they claim to be, they will be seen as the default — hetero. And they know this. But by refusing to comment on Robert and throwing homosexuality out there as an equally viable option, Kristen Stewart is subverting this paradigm and we like it! Or maybe we just wanted an excuse to make a Kristen Stewart is cute and we expected her to grow up into a lesbian and are sad that she (maybe) didn’t graphic:

LOHAN: Lindsay makes more announcements on twitter about how she is going to sue her Dad and that they haven’t had a relationship in years. It blows my mind that people on ONTD are actually believing that ‘reaching out’ to Lindsay by selling her old voice mails to a tabloid is the only way to get through to her and perhaps ‘the best thing.’ We can make “trusting a criminal, a lawyer and an all-around dirtbag dad” item #100 on “things about the world I don’t understand this week.” Just like as a general rule? Announcing someone’s issues to a tabloid or really any magazine is never, ever, never under any circumstances, the best way to do anything.

BETH DITTO: In a new interview, The Gossip lead singer, Beth Ditto, talks about breaking all the rules in terms of fashion. She explains why she wears horizontal stripes, floral patterns and clown-ish ensembles. She also talked about being butch in high school and how punk would have been nothing without fashion. (@style)

SJP & OBAMA: Obama has recruited Sarah Jessica Parker, Ed Norton, Forest Whittaker and Vogue editor Anna Wintour, among others, to advise him on the arts. They have been given the task to bring attention to education, cultural diplomacy and economical development through the arts. (@latimes)

KATHY GRIFFIN: In celebration of  her 49th birthday and release of  Suckin’ It for the Holidays, Kathy G. partied with the West Hollywood gays at The Abbey. (@x17)

THE LYNCH STILL DOING NO WRONG: Jane Lynch rockin’ Fresh Air on NPR.  In this 24 minute interview she walks us through her own internal homophobia as a teen, why she wrote a letter coming out to her parents at 31, coming out in Hollywood, Ellen DeGeneres, and improvisation in her film and TV roles. (@npr)

NATALIE PORTMAN: In a cover story for V Magazine, Natalie Portman describes her sex scene with Mila Kunis in the upcoming film Black Swan: “it’s not raunchy – it’s extreme.” She says she waited this long to do a sex scene because “I was figuring out my own sexual identity, likes and dislikes and all that stuff, and it’s weird to be doing stuff on film as you’re figuring it out.” (@afterellen)

SAMANTHA RONSON: Good thing we didn’t lose an hour of our lives watching 90210 this week: Samantha Ronson was only on for a few seconds. (@afterellen)

JENNIFER BEALS: Wherefore art thou Bette Porter? JB has been cast in Hallmark Channel’s original movie “The Night Before the Night Before Christmas.” (@hollywoodreporter)